The Sensitive Appetites and Passions

“An appetite is nothing other than an inclination of the desiring in something”1[1]

At the heart of the complex understanding of man’s psychological constitution is the relationship of the
appetites to the intellect and will and how they affect each other’s operation. “Since mental health is concerned
about the intellect of man, it is essential for psychology to know how the appetites, reason and will affect one
another.”2[2]

St. Thomas describes that there are concupiscible and irascible appetites.3[3] As we saw earlier in the definitions
in chapter two:

Concupiscible appetite- the sensitive appetite that seeks what is suitable to the senses and flees what is evil to the
senses.

Irascible appetite- the sensitive appetite by which the sentient being resists the attacks that hinder its good or inflict
harm on it

Thus, the concupiscible seeks the good and to avoid evil and the irascible is concerned with the obstacle to fight
or flight.

Particular passions
“A passion is motion of an appetitive power.” 4[4] The name is derived from the Latin word “pati” which means to
suffer or undergo, or literally to bear. “Passion refers an appetites reception of something in some way and the
reception is an actual inclining or motion toward or away from some object. Passions occur with a bodily
transmutation, i.e., the sensitive object causes some bodily change in the one undergoing the action.” 5[5] A
passion is the same thing as a pain or emotion.

1[1]
Summa Theologica, q. 81, a. 2 and De Ver., q. 25, a. 2.

2[2]
Ripperger, Introduction to the Science of Mental Health, Vol. 1, p. 188, See chapters 8 and 9, pp. 140- 216 for a necessary and sufficient
discussion of the passions. What is contained has a bearing on every counseling situation.

3[3]
Summa Theologica, 1st part of the 2nd part, Q. 23, Art. 4.

4[4]
III Sent., d. 26, q. 1, a. 1 and De malo, q. 10, a. 1, ad 1.

5[5]
Ripperger, Introduction to the Science of Mental Health, Vol. 1, p. 146.
He then states there are eleven passions altogether, which fall under the heading of these two types. The
concupiscible is divided into three couples: love and hate, desire and aversion (or flight), delight (or joy), sorrow
(or sadness). The irascible, which arises from the concupiscible, has three groups: hope and despair, fear and
daring (audacity), and anger.

We are going to consider some of the passions as they relate to pastoral counseling.

As we begin it is helpful to keep in mind that passions are stimulated by the imagination. Without any
impression upon the imagination or senses there is no passion. They are in essence “blind.” This will be
discussed, as it is imperative to understand for many pastoral issues.

Love 6[6]

Love, which is a passion of the concupiscible appetite, whose contrary is hate, is the first of all the passions. 7[7] It
is the first of all the passions since everything one does is done out of a movement to some end, i.e. the good or
thing loved, and the object of the passion of love8[8] of love is the sensible good absolutely. There are two kinds
of love, volitional and sensitive.9[9] Love is an inclination with respect to the good. It causes all other passions 10[10]
so it is the principle or beginning of motion to the end loved. 11[11] While love causes all other passions no passion
causes love because it is the first of all passions.12[12]

Hate
Hate, which is the contrary of love,13[13] is a passion of the concupiscible appetite, which has evil as it object. Hate
is a certain dissonance of the appetite of that which is apprehended as repugnant or harmful, 14[14] i.e. it refers to
the concupiscible appetite not only not being displeased with the object but actually having a dissonance,
incongruity or unsuitability with the object to the appetite. Love is the cause of hate in that hate concerns the

6[6]
See Christian Married Life, Team Manual, pp. 56-57, A Sincere Gift of Self Course, Couple’s Manual, pp. 52-53.

7[7]
Summa Theologica I-II, q. 23, a. 4.

8[8]
Ibid, q. 26, a. 6.

9[9]
We consider the types of love in Chapter 11, Communication on page Error: Reference source not found.

10[10]
Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 26, a. 1, ad 2.

11[11]
Ibid.

12[12]
For a more complete discussion see Ripperger, pp. 147-152.
13[13]
Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 23, a. 4.
14[14]
Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 29, a. 1.
corruption or impediment of the good loved.15[15] “When the thing loved and hated is the same, then the love and
hate are contraries in themselves, whereas when one thing is loved only, that thing’s contrary is hated. 16[16] For
example, at one time in a person’s life they may love a particular friend, but when an injury or injustice occurs in
the friendship, then the person is later hated. Consequently the same object can be the subject of love and
hate. On the other hand, one may have a child which one loves and one wills the good of that child and so
anything that is contrary to the good of the child, one hates.”17[17]

Pain and sorrow

Pain is involved with every issue in pastoral counseling. One of the great oversights of modern psychology is the
understanding of pain, its causes and its remedies. The articles by St. Thomas provide an excellent foundation
for insight and common sense for any priest who takes the time to consider them. Understanding these points
puts the pastoral counseling in an advantageous position. We summarize below these following points from St.
Thomas:

1. Pain and sorrow in itself18[18]

2. Four species of sorrow

3. Causes of pain and sorrow

4. Effects of pain and sorrow

5. Remedies of pain and sorrow

6. Causes of pleasure

7. Goodness and malice of sorrow

Pain and Sorrow in itself

What is pain?

1. Pain is a passion of the soul

2. Sorrow is the same as pain

15[15]
Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 29, a. 2.
16[16]
Summa Theologica, I-II, q. 29, a. 2, ad 2.
17[17]
Ripperger, p. 153.

18[18]
St. Thomas Aquinas Summa Theologica, Questions 35-39. pp.739- 759. Christian Classics. Westminster
 3. Sorrow is contrary to pleasure

4. All sorrow is not contrary to all pleasure

"Weep with them that weep." Rom. xii 15

Compassion is a sharing in the suffering of another and expresses love. There are other examples of the
pleasure in sorrow such as self-pity, or guilt over a sin or the thought of a beloved who is not present
but longed for.

5. There is no sorrow contrary to the pleasure of contemplation

6. The desire for pleasure is more eager than the shunning of sorrow

Pleasure is desirable for the sake of the good, which is its object whereas the shunning of sorrow is on
account of evil.

7. Interior sorrow is greater than outward pain

"Sadness of the heart is every wound" Ecclus. Xxv. 17 Even the outward wounds are comprised in the
interior sorrows of the heart. What is repugnant to reason and the imagination is greater than what is
repugnant to the body. One is willing to endure outward pain in order to avoid inward pain because
the inward pain is felt more keenly.

Four species of sorrow

Pity -sorrow for another's evil, considered however as Envy - sorrow for another's good, considered, however
one's own as one's own evil

(Also called perplexity) - foreign element weighs on

Anxiety
Torpor -mind is so weighed down that even the limbs become
the mind so as to make escape seem impossible
motionless
Causes of pain and sorrow
St. Thomas provides an excellent synthesis of the causes of pain and sorrow, which enables the pastoral
counselor to gain appreciation for situations and apply practical wisdom and counsel.
 Desire for unity

1. Love is the first principle

of the appetitive movement

he first inclination of the

Present Evil appetite towards the
possession of good
1. Sorrow is a movement of An irresistible power is a cause for sorrow
the appetite as a result of an 2. Hatred is the second
apprehension principal 1. A present evil is a cause of
sorrow
• Even a The first inclination of the
What causes a present evil
privation has appetite towards the
should be reckoned as
theaspect of a being avoidance of evil
causing pain and sorrow
• Evil is the 3. Concupiscence or desire 2. It is contrary to the inclination
privation of good is the first effect of love of the appetite to be united with
which gives rise to the a present evil
• Privation is greatest of pleasure
Whatever is contrary to a thing's
the lack of the
Whatever hinders a inclination does not happen
contrary habit 4.
movement from reaching its to it save by the action of
2. Natural movements end is contrary to the something stronger
movement of the appetite 3. If a stronger power goes so
Approach -directed to far as to transform the contrary
something suitable to 5. Desire is a cause of inclination into its own
nature sorrow in so far as we sorrow inclination there will be no
for the delay of a desired longer repugnance or violence
Withdrawal -directed to good or for its complete
something contrary to removal Without inclination there is no
nature pain or sorrow
Craving for unity can cause sorrow
Sorrow is caused by the will
Sorrow is a kind of flight or resisting a stronger power -to
withdrawal 1. In so much as desire for
yield by consent results not
good is reckoned as a cause
in sorrow but in pleasure
Pleasure is a kind of pursuit or of sorrow so must a craving
approach for unity and love

2. The good of each thing

consists in a certain unity

3. Everything naturally
Goodness and malice of sorrow
Not all sorrow is evil

1. In itself it is evil because man’s appetite is uneasy thus hindering the repose of the appetite in the good

2. A thing is said to be good or evil on the supposition of something else

3. Shame-on account of a shameful deed done

A sign of goodness if a man is in sorrow or pain on the count of a present evil

If not in pain and sorrow he feels it not or does not reckon it as something unbecoming, both are manifest
evils

“It is also a good thing that he sorrows for the good he has lost: for had not some good remained in his
nature, he could not be punished by the loss of good.”

Sorrow can be a virtuous good

Sorrow is a good in as much as it denotes perception and rejection of evil.

1. Proof of the goodness of nature
Nature shuns the harmful thing that causes pain
2. Interior sorrow
Perception of the evil is sometimes due to a right judgment or reason
Rejection of the evil is the act of the will
3. Every virtuous good results from these two things
The rectitude of the reason
The will
Sorrow can be useful good

1. The effect of avoiding or expelling the saddening evil

Sorrow can be of use because it is something to avoid
In itself as contrary to good e.g. sin
An occasion of evil
2. Sorrow for that which ought to be avoided is always useful since it adds another motive for avoiding it
Bodily pain is not the greatest evil

1. All sorrow or pain is either for something that is truly evil or something that is apparently evil but good
in reality
2. Pain or sorrow for that which is truly evil cannot be the great evil for there is something worse
Not to reckon as evil that which is really evil
Or not to reject it

Effects of Pain and Sorrow

Understanding the effects of pain and sorrow disposes one to compassion but also to appreciate the impact upon the mental and
emotional faculties. One can begin to understand depression and gain insight into a pastoral approach.
Depression

1. Hindered in own movement hinders the will from what it wishes to enjoy
Blindness
2. If evil is not strong enough to deprive one of the hope of avoiding it, the
1. Hinders the power to will retains the movement whereby to repulse that evil
learn
3. If the strength of the evil excludes the hope of evasion
Love of learning will
increase retention 4. “The interior movement of the afflicted soul is absolutely hindered so
that it cannot turn aside either this way or that. Sometimes even the
external movement of the body is paralyzed so that a man becomes
completely stupefied.”

Debility

Bodily injury
1. Sorrow weakens all
activity
1. Of all soul's passions, sorrow is the most harmful to the body
2. “Pleasure perfects
2.Sorrow is repugnant to man's life in respect of the species of its
action . . . sorrow
movement and not merely in respect of its measure or quantity
hinders it.” Aris.Ethic,
s.4
Remedies
The remedies for pain are obviously valuable for all counseling situations. They lead to a common sense approach that can calm
someone and restore equilibrium as well as provide a foundation for confidence in the direction. The remedies include: all pleasure, tears
and groans, sympathy of friends, contemplation of the truth, sleep and baths. It is valuable to understand the common sense of these
natural remedies so as to better understand human behavior and thus healthy or unhealthy means of assuaging pain.
All pleasure
Tears, groans
1. Pleasure is a kind of repose of the appetite in a
suitable good 1. A hurtful thing hurts more if shut in
Let out, soul’s intention is dispersed
2.Sorrow arises from something unsuited to the
appetite 2. An action that befits a man according to his
actual disposition is always pleasant to him
Implies ailing or weariness of the appetite Tears are befitting one in pain and thus pleasant
to him
3. All repose of the body brings relief to any kind
of weariness from non-natural causes Every pleasure assuages pain and sorrow

Sympathy-compassion of friends Contemplation of the Truth

1. Sorrow has a depressing effect 1. The greatest of all pleasures rests in the
contemplation of the Truth, the more so, the
Weight of burden more one is a lover of wisdom

Seeing others saddened by one’s sorrow seems In midst of tribulation men rejoice in the
as if others are bearing the burden with him contemplation of divine things

They seem to be striving to lessen the weight thus “Count all joy, when you shall fall into diverse
the burden is lighter temptation.” James 1.2

2. When a man’ friends console with him he sees 2. Joy amidst bodily tortures
that he is loved by them
Tiburtius (Martyr) said while walking on burning
This is more important than #1 and gives coals "Methinks I walk on roses, in the name of
pleasure Jesus Christ"

Sleep and Baths

1. Sorrow is repugnant to the vital movement of

the body

2. Whatever restores bodily nature is opposed to

sorrow and assuages it. It brings back the normal
state and thus causes pleasure
Causes of Pleasure
Since all pleasure assuages pain and pleasure is the most common motivation for human action moral or licit, it is valuable to have some
understanding of the causes of pleasure. One can then direct another to those causes that will encourage a healthy and virtuous way of
life.

Work Movement

Hope and memory Love

1. Pleasure is caused by a suitable good 1. Union

2. Presence of good in mind 2. Action of others

3. Potential of the good 3. Action for others

4. Conjunction of apprehension 4. Similarity

Sadness
1. Brings to mind that which is loved

2. Absence of which causes sadness

3. Recollection of sadness causes pleasure Wonder/Novelty

4. Absence of the evil is a good

5. Deliverance from what caused sorrow is a joy

Pain causes other passions
Fear, anxiety, anger and depression are all caused by pain. They are passions that ensue depending upon the
conditions of the pain. The two factors are whether the pain is in the present or future and whether escape or
hope is possible.

If the pain is in potential (i.e., the future) one has either fear or anxiety. Fear is present as long as escape seems
possible. Thus, something bad is imagined and the person has some hope of finding a way out. E.g., a boy fears
telling his father that he broke the front window. However, he feels if he tells his dad that it was an accident and
that he himself would pay for the repair that his dad will not punish him. Thus one who is afraid looks for an
escape and feels one is possible.

Anxiety comes when escape from the future pain seems impossible. This disposition intensifies toward panic
and thus would be the basis for panic attacks. The person literally panics because there is no escape from the
impending doom.

Acting out the fear or anxiety does ease some of the pain.

If the pain is present the result is either anger or depression. If the pain is judged to be unjust
then the desire for revenge is caused by this memory of injustice actively present in the
imagination. The thought about how one might get that revenge makes hope present in the
imagination and that assuages the pain. If one does not see the pain as unjust and if there is no
hope of it ending then effect of depression can take place. The mind finds no recourse to
expel the present evil and thus the movement is oppressive. Acting in a depressed way does
ease some of the pain but the vitality of the person is diminished.

Depression
Repeating what was said about depression on page 59, depression is an effect of pain, which hinders the will
from what it wishes to enjoy. It’s intensity is directly related to the proportion of the evil to the hope of avoiding
it.

“If evil is not strong enough to deprive one of the hope of avoiding it, the will retains the movement whereby
to repulse that evil.”

If the strength of the evil excludes the hope of evasion, “The interior movement of the afflicted soul is
absolutely hindered so that it cannot turn aside either this way or that. Sometimes even the external
movement of the body is paralyzed so that a man becomes completely stupefied.”

In other words, depression involves a present evil with no hope of unburdening or an end in sight. This sorrow
weighs down the soul with a sense of oppression. As the intensity of the sorrow and hopelessness increases so
does the torpor increase.

In other words, depression involves a present evil with no hope of unburdening or an end in sight. This sorrow
weighs down the soul with a sense of oppression. As the intensity of the sorrow and hopelessness increases so
does the torpor19[19] increase.

Depression has a root in two vices, pride and concupiscence.20[20]

Father Chad Ripperger considers two vices that may be at the root of depression. His proposed remedies begin
a consideration of the role of virtues and pastoral counseling in dealing with depression.

Pride
People who are depressed are unwilling to conform themselves to the truth and insist that they know the truth
about themselves or their situation. They are unwilling to submit themselves to the psychologist for direction.
Thus as the difficulty continues to prevail the person would be acting against prudence which would compel one
to seek counsel from some competent authority.

19[19]
A state of mental and motor inactivity with partial or total insensibility: extreme sluggishness or stagnation of function.

20[20]
Ripperger, p. 315
Concupiscence
One actually derives a pleasure from depression. Someone can derive pleasure from an action that is in
congruity with a disposition even if the action concerns an object viewed as evil. The control and direction of
passions requires temperance to resist the temptation to assuage the pain through self pity which keeps the
object present in the imagination so as to stimulate pleasure so as to turn those thoughts and actions which
might displace the object of the sorrow.

Remedies
In all cases, depression, (which is another name for the vice or bad habituation in the Concupiscible appetite for
sorrow) leads or is also accompanied by the aforesaid mechanism. Therefore solutions are:

1. Humility to over come the pride and more the directee to submit to the judgment of others;

2. Mortification to overcome the attachment to pleasure,

although this must be handled prudently so as not to give the directee another excuse for his sorrow

3. Pursuit of the truth through learning, i.e. the pursuit of knowledge.

Inclining the directee to study results in the object of the sorrow to be taken away and good objects
(truths) to take it place.

As we continue to consider a pastoral approach of implementing virtues to cope with depression, perhaps it
would be a good idea to keep the prayer of St. Frances in mind while considering this sorrow and hopelessness.
It should be the prayer of everyone who counsels.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
...where there is injury, pardon;
...where there is doubt, faith;
...where there is despair, hope;
...where there is darkness, light;
...where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

...to be consoled as to console;
...to be understood as to understand;
...to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

 ...it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
...and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
All of the petitions are addressing pain and its effects. Contained are virtues which express love and compassion
and contribute to the qualities within the theological virtues. Thus, we can consider for a moment that
depression may be offset by the theological virtues. The implications of this endeavor are quite profound in light
of the fact that union with God takes place through the theological virtues. We can also keep in mind that
nurturing these virtues is the practical objective contained the formation of a pastor.

The obvious objective for the pastoral counselor is to bring hope to one who is depressed. Compassion
expresses love for the directee who can see his own sorrow shared and his burden lighter because of the
counselor. It is a love that is motivated by the love of God, which constitutes charity. The pastoral counselor
may be able to understand the nature of what the person is experiencing in the light of faith and provide an
appropriate counsel.

It is valuable to return to the footnote on page 25 referring to the majority of research that has been done that
could not verify that modern psychology had an impact on mental illness but could verify that the warmth on the
part of the clinician and the clinician’s expectancy that the person would improve did have some positive
impact. We understand warmth to be empathy, compassion and love and expectancy to be a quality of faith.
Although we cannot quantify faith, hope and charity, it is interesting to note that science can measure the
behavioral impact of their operation.

Understanding factors involved

One of the first questions to ask is, “Should this person be depressed?” That is, one would first look for a reason
to be sad or hopeless. For example, if one has lost a beloved recently, they should be depressed from that loss
in the sense that the beloved is gone and there is no hope of seeing them again until in heaven. Of course, this
faith and hope will assuage the pain but the natural state would be of extreme sorrow. Compassion and the
willingness to share the sorrow over a period of time as well as the prayerful hope for the good of the beloved
and the reunion in heaven ease the pain.21[21]

Temporal affairs
Temporal affairs can be a source of great pain. Thus considering the circumstances surrounding work and home
life come to the fore. The three major crisis areas are: the marriage and family life, the stability of the home,
(i.e. financially stabilizing the home) and work (danger of termination or loss of job etc.) Considering the
presence of these crises and the hopefulness of recovery is important.

Moral life

21[21]
See “Difficult circumstance: dealing with death of a child,” on page Error: Reference source not found it discusses the proficiency of faith in
the light of the anguish involved in the death of an innocent. “One must keep in mind that in the face of death the Catholic Faith is most
excellent. Its purpose is that we live well with God in this life so as to die well and thus continue to live with God forever in the next life.”
One would also consider the events of one’s life. Thus, if some said that they had acted immorally for a long
period of time, or abandoned their faith, committed adultery without the spouse’s knowledge etc., it would be
understandable that each of these people would experience depression. This is also to be considered with those
Catholics who are distant from the sacraments.

Distance from sacrament of confession

Someone who has not been to confession in a number of years and committed grievous sins there should be
several effects including dullness of mind and some problems related to how they dealt with their guilt over
those years. A healthy conscience brings pain to mind to bring the movement of contrition and reconciliation.
The defensive mechanisms necessary to quiet one’s the conscience can have psychological as well as moral
implications. One only need look at the problems experienced by women in the aftermath of abortion to
appreciate this dynamic.

State of marriage
The state of the marriage and whether a sacramental marriage is being lived is important. For example, a
woman came to my office that was quite a successful businesswoman. However, she was suffering from
depression. She did not have any problems with her boyfriend who was living with her and was happy with him,
as they were the best of friends. She told me that her husband had divorced her many years prior after a brief
marriage. She had always wanted children but her husband would not have sex without contraception and
obtained a vasectomy soon after the marriage. She told me how she could not receive the sacraments and we
discussed her distance from the Church. We discussed the possibility that she was depressed because of the
loss of her faith, the separation from God, the guilt about the divorce and cohabitation and the hopelessness
about a resolve that would enable her to go to God and stand before Him in honesty. I sent her to a priest and
she began the efforts of reconciling herself with the Church. She began a life of chastity and pursued the
question of annulment. Immediately her depression began to lift as the hope that somehow she could be at
peace with God and His Church became more and more a reality. Although she could not receive the Eucharist
she attended mass each Sunday through the time that an annulment was granted and she was able to marry in
the Church. Her husband eventually converted to the faith and the depression never returned.

Considering the moral disposition also includes the consideration of various virtues. Thus industry, order,
humility et. al. can all contribute to personal problems that seem hopeless. Thus a pastoral counselor must look
to the moral and sacramental life as well as the practical state of affairs.

Anger 22[22]

”...The desire to hurt another for the purpose of vengeance” 23[23]

22[22]
For an effective outlined presentation on anger see Christian Married Life Team Manual, pp. TM 85-89, and the Sincere Gift of Self: Couple’s
Manual, pp. 81-84.
Modern culture has elevated the notion of anger to somewhat of a virtue. The call to “express one’s anger” has
been seen as a sign of health for some time. Despite this freedom of expression, problems related to anger
increase as exemplified in the various forms of abuse. Common sense would say that before one expresses
something it would be wise to know the nature of the thing that they are expressing and the moral implications
of that expression. A proper understanding of anger and its remedy, forgiveness will help to provide the
necessary foundation for dealing with anger and helping others control their anger.24[24] It will help the pastoral
counselor to understand the reasoning involved in the anger and how factors compound the vehemence of the
passion. This will increase the possibility of mitigating the passion of anger and increasing the use of reason to
resolve the difficulties.

The sole motive of anger is an insult or slight

One is angry because one is hurt. Without an injury anger cannot exist. The only cause for anger is the
consideration of an injury that is unjust. A person is given less than is just, i.e. what is due to them. This could
be any word or deed that insults them. E.g. “I deserve to be treated as your wife and you treated me like a
piece of property.”

Injury is inflicted in three ways: willful, ignorance or in passion

1. The insult (word or deed) may be done as a clear, willful choice. This type of insult and injury would be
the most difficult to forgive. E.g. Without any provocation, one says in rational indifference, “I want to hurt
you and I hope that you never recover.”

2. The insult may have been done in ignorance, e.g. "I didn't know I was hurting you." This would be
easier to forgive than the willful choice.

3. The insult may take place in a passionate moment. During an argument, something may be said that
was not meant. This would not be as easy to forgive as in the case of ignorance but still easier than the
willful choice.

Man’s excellence is the cause of his being angry

Our esteem of ourselves is the personal cause for our being angry. The more excellent we think we are, the
more insulted we might be by treatment that is less than we think we deserve.

23[23]
Aristotle, (Rhet. ii. 2) The “desire to hurt” is difficult for many to accept as the definition for anger at first because they would not consider
themselves seeking an evil. One normally forms a rational choice that is more consistent with right reason or justice but the passion is oriented
toward vengeance and thus the hurt (evil) is for the sake of a good (justice.)

24[24]
The discussion of anger is taken from Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Theologica, Summa Theologica, Ia IIae, Q 46-48, Christian Classics,
Westminster, 1981, Vol. II.
The anger may be justified, as in the case of Beethoven being considered inferior to Bob Dylan. The anger
may be unjustified, as in the case of Bob Dylan being considered inferior to Beethoven.
A person cannot be angry unless he/she is hurt and that hurt causes grief. A person who has wounds within
him may be more easily hurt. For example, a girl who may have been ridiculed and insulted by her brothers
and father about her intelligence might be easily hurt by her husband's light-hearted and unknowingly tease
about her misspelling of a word.
Hatred is different from anger
Some people think that hatred and anger are the same thing. Definitely, this is not the case. Hatred wishes evil
for the sake of evil. Anger is the desire to hurt (which is an evil) for the sake of justice (vengeance for the insult
which injured). In other words, anger desires an evil for the sake of justice and not for the sake of evil as in the
case of hatred.

There are three types of anger25[25]

2. 2. Bitter anger 3. 3. Ill-tempered anger

A person may be bitter A person may be ill-tempered. This
1. 1. Quick tempered anger
after an insult and person is easily aroused and
A person may have a quick- refuse to forgive and experiences other emotions as
temper and be easily to let go of the his/her general disposition. The
aroused. memory. A person ill-tempered person is generally
keeps it in mind so as "in an angry mood." His/her
to arouse the anger. anger never rests.

Effects of Anger
Pleasure

Fervor in the heart

Anger causes pleasure because vengeance satisfies
justice for the injury, which brings pleasure.
The passion that begins in the soul affects the body.
Thinking about vengeance also brings pleasure "The blood starts to boil" and adrenaline pumps one up
because it brings to the mind the hope that it may for action.
come true. This is why people think about such things
repeatedly. However, such gratification is self-

25[25]
Frequency of the graces of confession can greatly benefit these types, see page 25.
destructive.

Anger hinders the use of reason

Anger is the greatest obstacle to reason of all the

passions. It disturbs the sensitive powers that are
Taciturnity
needed for reason. The greater the passion, the more
difficult it is to think clearly. This is helpful to Anger causes difficulty in the ability to speak. “I was so
remember when thinking about expressing anger and mad that I couldn't talk.” Vocabulary is reduced to basic
discussing relationship issues. If the anger cannot be words and sounds. The English professor is tongue-tied
mitigated and reason restored it is unwise to continue and “is reduced to grunting and spitting.” This is
discussions in anger for injuries will increase and another reason for discontinuing discussions when anger
reason will decrease. prevails. If one cannot speak and think clearly, one is
unlikely to communicate well and likely to communicate
The greater the anger the less reasonable will be the
badly.
discussion and the more likely the situation will reduce
itself to quarreling and bickering, which inflicts further
injury. It is best to pull back until reason can prevail in
the discussion.

Implications of injury from insults

P r e s e n t I n j u r y What is important here is that the memory of the insult

can return and bring with it the emotion of anger.

Furthermore, with each new injury the memory of past

insults may come to mind. This intensifies the passion
P r e v i o u P s r e I n v j i u o r u yP s r# e i 1n v j ui o r u yand s is why someone brings up the past while expressing
# I2 n j u r y
his anger in an argument.
# 3
The critical point is that the repetition of injuries (insults) makes the present insult even more painful and more
difficult to forgive. This is because repetition makes it seem like the insult is willful.
In other words, "If you know that this hurts me, and you continue to do this, it can't be because you don't know it
hurts me (ignorance). It must be because you want to hurt me. Either you are giving in to the passion of anger
(which is the desire to hurt me because you think that I hurt you) or you simply choose to hurt me."
The present memory calls to mind similar memories of offenses in the past. The repetition of injuries (insults)
makes the present insult even more painful and more difficult to forgive. This is because repetition makes it
seem like the insult is willful.

Saturation of Memories

I n j u r y

F o r g o t t e n A n i v Ce rr si t ai c r i y s m L a t e w i t h o u t C a l l i n g

F a i l u r e t T o a h k ee ln p f o r A G n r g a r n y t ew W d o o r d r k s m o r eS ei m l f ip s oh r Saturation
ta a c n t t of memories is when the mind is
flooded with only memories of past injuries and no
recollection of good memories comes to mind or
L a c k o f A t S t e a n r tc i oa ns m P i c k i n e sD s e f e n s i v F e a n i el u s r s e t o l i s t e n
can they bare any value against the bad memories.

F a i l u r e a sS ep r a i or e u n s t I Dn j i us hr y o n e sA t ly i e n a t Ni o o n r e l i g i o u s s u p p o r t

L o v i n g A c t s

When a person is filled with bad memories, because someone has let them down repeatedly, forgiving is a real challenge. Since the
injury has taken place over time, realize that forgiveness will also take time. Forgiveness is easier if there are also some positive
moments to remember. This gives the injured party some good reasons to continue to be forgiving and provides a healthy perspective.

One needs to have a certain proportion or ratio of good memories over bad. Some might say for every bad
memory one needs to have five or six good memories. When the injuries are plentiful and the good memories in
short supply the mind becomes saturated with the bad memories. This is not the time to talk. To do so would
likely end in an argument and thus create another bad memory. In times like these it is better to do some
positive things together in order to build up some good memories and experiences before the couple tries to talk
about the difficulties.
Finding the only remedy for anger
Forgiveness: the only remedy for anger
The only remedy for anger is forgiveness. This does not mean that some action may not be necessary for the
sake of charity and justice. However, the debt must be dismissed "seventy times seven." When someone
apologizes, it makes it easier to forgive him or her because of their repentance and confession, and by
humbling themselves; they show that they think better of us than the treatment had shown. Still, it takes
humility on the part of the one who forgives as well. Justice is on his side, but charity is demanding
something more of him. This may be paramount to the meaning of being "Christ-like."
Forgiveness is the pardon or remission of an offense

It involves an act of the will to release a debt against justice on the part of another. It dismisses the memory of
the act of injustice.
God’s forgiveness versus man’s forgiveness

In God's perfect forgiveness, He does not remember our sins. He will "...cast all my sins behind thy back.” Is.
38:17 For human beings, however, a memory may return. This memory may bring a variety of emotions. For
example, if the memory is joyful, joy may return. If the memory is painful, pain may return.
Thus, there are times when we must struggle with memories and need to repeatedly dismiss a recurring
memory, "...not seven times but seventy times seven." -Mt. 18:12
Present wounds can be compounded by past experiences

“It is not in our power to feel or to forget an offense, but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns
injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.”26[26]

1. A present memory may also bring other memories of similar experiences to mind.
2.The number of these similar memories may intensify the emotions. E.g. Joy may be intensified or pain
may be intensified.
3. From this one can see how emotional wounds can be compounded by the memories of wounds in the
past. These old wounds may surface in the events of daily life. E.g. If our spouse hurts us it can bring to
mind injuries caused by our spouse or even someone else.
4.One may have to forgive a spouse repeatedly for similar experiences. The spouse, on the other hand,
may need to make efforts to change the behavior that might be causing the present injuries.

26[26]
CCC 2843
Sometimes better to walk away

If a couple has reached a point where

they cannot discuss an issue without
crossing the lines of civility due to
anger they must restore civility by
exercising self discipline. Whoever
recognizes that anger has entered in has
to pull back. If necessary, they need to
walk away.

Let the beloved walk away

Often, the other person will claim that this is an escape and that issues are never resolved. They may follow and
keep the other person engaged thus preventing that person from prudently avoiding doing harm. The important
thing here is to make the couple understand the need to separate and to allow the other person to walk away.
The problem of escaping the issue is secondary at this point. Trust cannot be restored without respect and
neither can be established if anger is expressed in hurtful ways. Anger is the desire to hurt and it diminishes
reasoning and the ability to think. One is on the defensive and attacks thus putting the other person on the
defensive. Bother parties end up rejecting most anything that is said of the other. These things do not add up
to resolution only injury and alienation. They can be reassured that the issues can be discussed at a later time.
If they are seeing a counselor regularly, that will provide a protection against avoidance.

The Healing nature of Sacramental Grace

“The love of spouses and parents has the capacity to cure these kinds of wounds, provided the dangers alluded
to do not deprive it of its regenerative force, which is so beneficial and wholesome a thing for human
communities. This capacity depends on the divine grace of forgiveness and reconciliation, which always
ensures the spiritual energy to begin anew. For this very reason family members need to encounter Christ in the
church through the wonderful sacrament of penance and reconciliation.” John Paul II27[27]

Matrimony aids healing

The sacramental grace of Matrimony enables a spouse to respond in a healing manner. By charitable spousal
love, one may heal wounds, which were caused by another or by ideologies, which attack dignity of persons and
the family.

When the spouse changes to improve his or her own behavior for the sake of the beloved, the lover creates a
new experience of their sacramental union and love. A new memory is created as the lover places his/her own
heart into the wound of the beloved.

Confession aids healing

One of the most effective and practical counsels that can be given to one who struggles with temperance and
continence to control the passion of anger to recommend frequent reception of the sacrament of Penance. It is
advised that one go to confession weekly.28[28] The sacrament not only reconciles one God but it also provides
grace to resist temptation and increase in the necessary virtue. Furthermore, it brings healing to the wounds
that are related to the anger. Men especially benefit from this practice. A common result is that men report
having a cushion of emotional space in that they do not immediately fire out in anger but notice a pause, which
allows them to make a choice to go forward or withdraw.

27[27]
John Paul II, Letter to Families, # 14

28[28]
This counsel is also advisable for people dealing with depression and anxiety as well.
To this practice one can help the person to understand the nature of anger and its causes as well as how the
memories influence it as well as other factors. Adding the prudential discussion on what things lead up to the
point of anger and developing the discipline of walking away and not striking out adds a sound foundation.

A very helpful and practical intervention is to encourage the person to write a letter expressing their feelings.
However, they should not send the letter off. This will enable them to get the emotions out and calm
themselves down. Because it is written they will feel a certain pleasure and sense of justice to see it concretely
laid out before them. After a time they can return to the letter and look for the one clear and reasonable
statement that expresses their sense of injustice and the issue they want to address. Next, they can rewrite the
letter under the awareness of charity toward the beloved seeking to understand and forgive and thus reconcile
with the beloved.

When dealing with important letters, such as reconciling with a parent for past wounds, it is helpful to bring the
letter to the spiritual director who can then advise them if the letter possesses sufficient benevolence and is
appropriate to send.
Escape Hatch 29[29]

What’s the Escape Hatch?

It comes from the tendency toward self-preservation. It is the irascible passion that seeks flight from an evil. “I
will get out of relationship in hope of ending the pain.”

Dynamics

The other spouse or relationship is source of pain. There is a hope that separating will end pain. Idea of
separating grows more appealing & brings false sense of peace.

What’s it take to stay?

It takes a commitment to fight for relationship and not against the beloved. One must make decisions for
relationship. Each decision toward relationship deepens love & happiness.

The hope that difficulty will be overcome; that the beloved may change; that the pain may end or that some
good may come from this all lighten the pain. The trust in God and hope that He will bring the couple through is
an ultimate recourse.

Small successes produce hope

Decisions to preserve deepen love between the couple. Small success gives hope for future encounters and
creates optimism from the resourcefulness that is felt and the trust in the beloved.

Cynicism destroys love

Cynicism is an expression of contemptuous distrust. It stems from the pleasure of thinking badly about the
beloved’s behavior and potential and acting it out in some way. It is similar to the cynicism that is so common in
sports. People can commonly be observed yelling insults at their favorite team while watching a game on the
TV. By screaming that the team one loves is a collection of bums, one brings pleasure from the stating the insult
and predicting defeat. Thus, one can say, “I knew they would lose.” One does not have to be vulnerable in the
ways that hope in the beloved demands.

This is a poor consolation, however, because not only does it weaken the growth of character, it closes out
beloved and protects oneself. Thus it is selfish and immature.

29[29]
See Christian Married Life Team Manual, pp. TM 84-85, or Couple’s Manual, pp. 79-80.
Hope, in God and in the beloved, however, overcomes cynicism. Love demands risks & vulnerability and hope
makes one vulnerable. So rather in hoping that one will fail, one hopes that the beloved will succeed and come
through. Even in set backs and defeats, the hope prevails and deepens love.

Anxiety
As was said earlier, anxiety comes when escape from the future pain seems impossible. This disposition
intensifies toward panic and thus would be the basis for panic attacks. The person literally panics because there
is no escape from the impending doom.

Panic involves a distortion of prudence. In prudence a person looks ahead to see the possible consequences and
weighs them as good or bad. In panic, a person considers only the potential evil outcomes and the futility of
trying to escape and moves to despair. In this case reasoning is subservient to fear and stops short of operating
fully and thus only deduces mayhem. All options seem bad and there is no hope of good outcome.

The major intervention involves changing the image that causes the passion of anxiety. Without the image of a
future evil without escape there is no passion. The first remedies seek to change the image by means of
reformulation. That is, to alter the image so as to remove its sense of hopelessness. Understanding the issues
and factors is the first step to that. One first seeks to "attack" the fear with reason. That is, gaining perspective
by understanding what the possible outcomes can be and if they can be managed. Also, one would consider
what authorities might be consulted or involved to bring in reality and what that counsel brings. For example, a
lawyer might have given advice which negates the fear the person presents and so the advice would be to hold
to that image of the the competent counsel and reject the contrary image. Thus, reformulation involves
changing the image by reasoning through the factors to make the issue manageable by the person.

One may also look to an image that gives the fearful image meaning and value. For example, one could think of
Our Lord in the garden experiencing the passion and identify and align themselves with His suffering. The pain
would continue but the anxiety would decrease. The other way of changing the image is to simply remove it by
replacing it with another image of something totally different. This is effective
Remedies

Options and outcomes

Understanding Explore options and possible outcome and thus help
Listen to a person and understand the nature of their them consider dealing with the negative possibilities
fear. and then consider more of the positive possibilities.

Worst case scenarios

Competent authority
Identifying competent authority for issues that are It can help to ask for a worst-case scenario so as to set a bottom
involved. E.g. if they are afraid of having a cyst one can line that the person may be able to cope with. E.g. Someone who
advise them to get a medical opinion. is panicky about praying to God for His will because they do not
want to lose a boyfriend if it is not His will. The worst case
scenario is that the young lady will find happiness in God’s will
without this particular fellow.

Bring in reality
To what degree are the fears real? Is there real danger?
Write things down
What steps need to be taken? E.g. A woman may be in
Have the person write things down. This will reduce
a panic that her husband is going to beat her. If this
some of the anxiety in the same way writing a list of
were so then steps would need to be taken to keep her
things to reduces the stress of having many tasks in
safe. Whereas, a woman may be anxious that she
one’s mind. One can then rate the contents of the list
cannot tell her husband about her anxiety for fear of
and poses written responses that the person can see
burdening him and that he will himself have a break
and thus help the imagination to cling to something
down or leave her. It may be clear that the husband is
positive.
steadfast, stable and wants her to turn to him so that he
can help her.

Review history
A review the personal history will help understand how
realistic the fears are. E.g. a young woman was anxious
about her mother going away for the weekend because
she was afraid that she might become ill while her
mother was gone. When asked about her general state
of health she said, “Oh, I am very healthy. I hardly ever
get sick.” Helping her focus on that reality diminished
the anxiety so that in a few weeks she herself went on a
short visit to her grandmother’s.
Increase the passion
An unusual technique is to ask the person to increase the level fear
that they are experiencing. If they can increase it then they can
control it so as to reduce it.
Change focus
The imagination stimulates the passions which are
blind by nature. Without the image there can be no
passion. Just resisting any temptation or distraction to
prayer, have the person turn the imagination to
something good. Either positive ideas and possibilities,
or focus upon the tasks at hand during the present day
and the people that are there. E.g. A mother can be
encouraged to thing about the children that she is
caring for during the day and to become more
attentive to her husband. Turning to aids for prayer is
an excellent means of changing focus.
These things increase sensible quality of good for the
imagination. Other senses, e.g. sight, hearing, touch
all contribute to some increased intensity for the
imagination to grasp.
Meditation
Reflection upon scripture or mystery is an excellent
means of focus because of the reality that is present.
The imagination goes from created fantasies to
frighten to groping to perceive reality. It will build and
restore the faculties as this heals and strengthens
imagination & will, develops virtue and stability and
makes faculties more suitable for good less tolerant of
evil.
Help the person understand dynamics related to
anxiety and how it is preoccupation with the future and
avoiding the present. Our Lord’s counsel to not worry
about tomorrow for today has enough evil to deal with
is good counsel.
Moderation

High

Low

A general approach of moderation is essential to pastoral counseling because all things must be in
moderation. The simple approach is to bring perspective to the situation when one is dealing the
extremes of emotional swings.30[30] When things seem good the person can thing of nothing wrong
and the good seems perfect and elates them. When they are depressed they can think of nothing
good.
A counselor will generally pull against the excess by providing some perspective to
balance things out. When one goes too high counsel will be to temper the person
down by helping them consider some possible negative obstacles that they might
face. When one goes too low counsel temper up by help the person to see the
present or potential good.

Moderatio
n

30[30]
Very much similar to the dynamic swings of adolescence.