June - Straighten You Up

book by Phil Mutz

GAY CAMP MUSICAL, 9.26.15

music and lyrics by Bradford Proctor

cue:
Hello boys and girls, my name is June,
what's your- STRAIGHTEN THAT WRIST!
(smiles)

SLOW, ALMOST CREEPY

mm=85

mm=85

I'm

10

I'm gon - na straight - en you up

SLOW, ALMOST CREEPY

gon-na stick my

as

D7

I'm

in

you,

I'm

gon-na straight - en you up

G/A

gon - na run the show

D7

Copyright 2015 GAY CAMP MUSICAL

me

F/G

straight - ness
F

Straight

15

I'm

gon - na run it

right

through you

I'm

D7

down

G/A

D7

straight - er

D7

C9

great - er, I'm

C9

you'll be straight

your cru - sad - er

F/G

me

lat - er

in

great - er, soon - er or

25

straighter

Trust

20

You're gon - na be

gon - na run the show

straight

er than an ar - row,

G7/A

er than an ar - row!

VAMP AS NEEDED
STOP ON CUE

VAMP AS NEEDED
STOP ON CUE

G7/A

D7

30

36

JUNE: Pop quiz, hot shots! What are you gonna be?
STRAIGHT! Werent you listening?
That was in the first verse! I said it 8 times!
We got a lot of work to do this summer,
and we start by listening to me!
(sweet) Now I bet you have lots of questions.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
But never fear!
June is here to help you steer clear of the queer!
Say that again with me, steer clear of the queer.
Got it?
ARE YOU DEAF, I SAID DO YOU GOT IT?!
(got it)
Good. Now then

FAST ROCK - NEARLY DOUBLE SPEED

mm = 160

G/A

F7

Wel - come home, chil - dren,

JUNE: are we excited yet?!

A 5 6 7 8!

FAST ROCK - NEARLY DOUBLE SPEED

mm = 160

F7

wel - come home

We

are best friends now

41

47

I'll help

'Cause

you to

51

some - where near,

The ques - tion ing

ends now.

(June!)

I am

E7

al - ways

wel - come home,

F7

Wel - come home, child - ren,

(June!)

steer clear

of the

CHORUS

I'm

queer!

C+(#11)

F7

I'm

gon - na straight - en you up

CHORUS

gon - na stick my

straight

F7

55

- ness

in

you,

I'm

B B/C

F7

65

I'm gon - na run it

I'm gon - na run the show

F7

A/B

in

me

right

down through you

A
E B B/C

me

You're gon - na be

straighter

F7

A/B

I'm gon - na run the show

F7

Trust

as

Straight

60

F7

gon - na straight - en you up

great - er,

soon - er or

E9

70

lat - er
A

you'll be straight

sa - der

80

er than an ar - row,

- er than an ar - row

I'm

your cru -

E9

B7/C

great - er,

straight - er than an ar - row!

straight - er
F7

B7/C

74

Sports for boys!

Heels for girls!

Wood - work for boys!

Cars for boys!

B7/C

Cun - ni - lin - gus for boys!

JUNE: No wait, I hear it now.
Woodwork's cancelled.

Straight

OFFSTAGE VOICES

Nail files for girls!

OFFSTAGE VOICES

85

Guns for boys!

Straight

91

I'm

B7/C

er than an ar - row

gon - na straight - en you up (She's

gon - na straight - en you up!) I'm

OFFSTAGE VOICES

A/B

as

me

straight - ness

I'm gon - na straight - en you up(She's gon - na straight - en you) Straight

F7

gon - nastick my

OFFSTAGE VOICES

CRAZY WAH WAH DISCO

FOR 2 BARS

F7

Now watch me dance!

F7

95

CRAZY WAH WAH DISCO

FOR 2 BARS

in

you,

B B/C

I'm gon - na run the show

F7

100

OFFSTAGE VOICES

(She's gon - na run the show!) I'm gon - na run it

right

down through you

F7

A
E B B/C

in

A/B

me

You're gon - na be

I'm gon - na run the show(She's gon - na run it!)

F7

105

Trust

OFFSTAGE VOICES

straighter

F7

great - er,

Straight - er!

soon - er or

lat - er

E9

Great - er!

you'll be straight

B7/C

You be

straight!

110

- er than an ar - row,

straight - er

F7

great - er,

Straight - er!

E9

I'm

your dic

Great - er!

ta - tor

straight

B7/C

You'll be straight!

114

- er than an ar - row!

JUNE: Now wait a second. I smell Bath and Body Works.

Come here, son, on stage. Get up here. Get up here.
Get up here. Get up here.
My God, do I have to say it a hundred times?
Get up here.
(Token sheepishly goes on the stage.
June puts her hand on his forehead like a televangelist.
Token is quite confused.)
Can you feel it?
Token: Excuse me?
I said, (sung) CAN YOU FEEL IT?
Token: Youre gonna have to be way more specific.
Can you feel the straightness flowing right through you?
Can you feel the Camp Acceptance power?
No longer will you be an embarrassment to your parents!
No longer will you be a stain on this great nation!
No longer will you wear Bath and Body Works!
Boys and girls, this boy has been cured!
(music cuts out - June pushes him down,
he kind of just stays there confused,
she kicks him away like a cat)

120

CRAZY WAH WAH DISCO

2 BARS

Now watch me dance!

TBD ORGAN MUSIC EVANGELIST STYLE

TBD ORGAN MUSIC EVANGELIST STYLE

JUNE: But June, what if I dont want to change?

Good question! Too bad.
But June, what if I cant change?
Well, Ill tell you. You dont wanna see me mad.
Hey June, what skin cream do you use?
No more questions like that, Billy.
The only cream going on your face is Accutane
to get rid of those nasty pimples.
Arent we having fun!?

F7

CRAZY WAH WAH DISCO

2 BARS

CRAZY WAH WAH DISCO

FOR 2 BARS

You'll be

CRAZY WAH WAH DISCO

FOR 2 BARS

het - er - o lov - in'!

F7

You'll be

10
126

F7

135

- ness

in

you,

B B/C

ba - by mak - in!

F7

With - out ev - en try -

F7

in!

OFFSTAGE VOICES

'Cause

You'll be

im - pulse de - ny - in'!

131

I'm

gon - na straight - en you up (She's gon - na straight - en you up!) I'm

F7

OFFSTAGE VOICES

gon - nastick my

F7

straight

I'm gon - na straight - en you up(She's gon - na straight - en you) Straight

as

me

F7

A/B

11

140

I'm

gon - na run

OFFSTAGE VOICES

the show(She's

gon - na run

I'm

gon - na run

gon - na run it

it!)

Trust

in

148

VAMP TIL READY

JUNE: But June, what if after the whole summer,

it just doesnt work? Whatd you say?
Me? Yes, you! I said what if it doesnt work?
Speak up! I said, what if it doesnt work?
Oh itll work. Failure is not an option!
Arent we having fun!?

VAMP TIL READY

F7

You're gon - na be

straighter

F7

through you

me

A/B

down

F7

right

F7

the show(She's gon - na run

A
E B B/C

OFFSTAGE VOICES

the show!) I'm

F7

144

great - er,

Straight - er!

E9

soon - er or

Great - er!

12
153

lat - er

you'll be straight

You'll be
straight!

157

sad - er!

B7/C

er than an ar - row,

straight - er

great - er,

F7

I'm

your cru -

E9

Straight - er!
Great - er!

VAMP TIL READY

CUT OUT IMMEDIATELY
AT CUE

straight - er than an ar - row!

SLOW, BIG

Straighter!

JUNE: But June, how can we repay you?

Great question. You cant!

VAMP TIL READY

CUT OUT IMMEDIATELY
AT CUE
JUNE: Welcome to camp!

B7/C

You'll be straight!

162

Great - er! Soon - er or

lat - er

E9

you'll be

F7

take time, riff!

straight

B7/C

er than an ar

SLOW, BIG

F7

row!