Ali Al Yousif

TWO BY TWO BY MISERY

PART 1 / WHAT IS A BEDROOM

A bedroom is a room with enough space for a bed, a closet, a table,
and a chair; or any equivalent pieces of furniture respective of the
occupants culture and lifestyle. These pieces must be comfortably distanced
so as to not impede the occupants in-room circulation. A bedroom has an
operable window with natural lighting and ventilation. Any room not
satisfying these basic requirements is not a bedroom, regardless of whether
its being used as a bedroom or not.
PART 2 / WHAT IS A BATHROOM
A bathroom is a room with enough space for a toilet, a sink, and
bathing space; or any equivalent bathroom fxtures respective of the users
culture and lifestyle. These fxtures must be comfortably distanced so as to
not impede the occupants in-room circulation. Any room not satisfying these
basic requirements is not a bathroom, regardless of whether its being used
as a bathroom or not.
PART 3 / AN ARCHITECTURAL RIGHT
Every human being has the right to a bedroom and a bathroom. They
can be shared or personal, owned or rented, and they can be creatively

Ali Al Yousif

adjusted to ft an infnite of possible contexts, but they must be provided

without compromising any of their basic components.
PART 4 / AN ARCHITECTURAL CRIME
To purposefully deprive a human being of their right to a bedroom and
a bathroom, when there is ample opportunity to provide this right is a crime.
Apathy, laziness, cost cutting, proft maximization, or ignorance of the
importance of providing the aforementioned architectural right is not an
excuse for committing this architectural crime. Any architect who helps his
client commit this crime has equally committed the crime, and is a traitor to
the profession.
PART 5 / A LETTER TO A CRIMINAL ARCHITECT
Dear Architect,
Even though we have never met, and I dont know your name or how you
look like I still hate you.
This is because I dont need to meet you to know who you are. This room
that I live in, a room in a building that you designed, tells me all I need to
know about who you are.
Let me tell you what I think about this room that you have designed for
me I hate it.
Its too small, and too dark. The air is still and stale. Theres no window. I
cant tell day from night.

Ali Al Yousif

Theres not even space to permanently ft my tiny bed. I have to fold it in

the morning to make space for the ironing board. My closet is too shallow
to ft anything other than tightly folded clothes.
And thats it. There is no space for anything else.
Is this all you think I need? What if I wanted to read a book? Or write in my
notebook? What if I bought something slightly bigger than what your tiny
closet can hold, where do you propose I put it? What if I wanted to stretch
both my arms at the same time without hitting the walls? Is that too

much?
A bed is for lying down, but what if I didnt want to lie down? What if I
wanted to sit in my room? Theres no chair, nor any space to place a chair.
The room is even too small for an imaginary chair. I can stand in my room.
I can lie down in my room. But I cant sit. Do you have something against

me sitting? Why cant I sit?

Actually there is one place I can sit, the toilet seat in my bathroom. But I
try to avoid that as much as possible. My bathroom is smaller, darker and
damper than my room.
I hate my bathroom too.
But I dont only hate you because you have decided to give me a bedroom
and a bathroom that I hate. I hate you more because the rest of the
apartment is actually quite beautiful.
This tells me that you are not an incompetent architect, but a lazy and
cruel architect. You gave me this room even though you could have done
better. You just decided not to.
The bedroom next to mine is currently empty. It has a big window
overlooking the sea. It has its own bathroom too. The flooring is lovely
dark wood, and the walls are covered with soft vegetal patterns. Its being

Ali Al Yousif

kept empty because theyre expecting the baby to arrive anytime now. I
love that room.
As I said, even though we have never met, I know you.
I know that you dont care about me.
I know that you think Im not important enough for you to put some effort
into designing something nice for me.
You have built my current misery from blocks and concrete.
And because of that dear architect, and even though I have never met
you I hate you.
PART 6 / A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A CLIENT AND A CRIMINAL
ARCHITECT
Client: The kitchen seems a bit small, can you make it a little bit bigger.
Architect: I made the kitchen as large as possible given the available
space; the only way to make it bigger is to take some space from
one of the rooms around it. And that is not advisable.
Client: What if you took a meter from the maids room?
Architect: That might work; Ill give it a try.
PART 7 / A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A CLIENT AND A GOOD
ARCHITECT
Client: The kitchen seems a bit small, can you make it a little bit bigger.
Architect: I made the kitchen as large as possible given the available
space; the only way to make it bigger is to take some space from
one of the rooms around it. And that is not advisable.

Ali Al Yousif

Client: What if you took a meter from the maids room?

Architect: That wont work, the maids bedroom would become too small.
Client: I dont mind her bedroom becoming a bit smaller, I think its
currently too big anyway.
Architect: The extra meter that will be added to the kitchen wont have a
large effect on the room, since its already a spacious room; while
removing this meter from the maids bedroom will substantially
decrease its livability. I say we keep things as they are, or maybe I
can take the extra meter from the living room.
Client: Are you serious?! You want to make the living room smaller? Tenants
choose which apartment to rent sometimes solely based on the size
of the living room, and defnitely not on the size of the maids room.
Architect: Regardless of whether thats true or not, making the maids
bedroom smaller than what it currently is would make it
uncomfortable for human occupation, therefore architecturally
unacceptable.
Client: I dont care, make it smaller.
Architect: I cant do that.
Client: this is not a request, its an order. Do it or Ill fnd someone who
will!

Ali Al Yousif

Architect: I still cant do it.

Client: Youre fred!
PART 8 / END
The ending of any text is the fnal surrender of the writer, an acceptance that
his words will now be in the hands of others, and that he has no more control
over their future. This is the ending of this text, and my fnal surrender. I am
full of hope and full of doubt.