from a theoretical perspective, and considering qualitative data that captures the lived experi- ences,

processes, and meanings of mothers and fathers, there are key substantive distinctions between
mothers and fathers, differences that could appropriately be deemed essential. The side of this issue
you land on not only depends on whether your point of origin is methodologi- cal or theoretical; it
also hinges on the meaning of the key term essential. As with most words in modern language,
leading dictionaries list mul- tiple definitions of the word essential, and the most common are the
most pertinent to our dis- cussion. The first meaning offered (according to
http://www.dictionary.com) is absolutely nec- essary; indispensable. If this is the meaning of
essential applied to mothering and fathering, then effective single parents have demonstrated that in
order to raise children well, neither moth- ers nor fathers are essential (Olson & Haynes,
1993) beyond their biological contributions to reproduction and birth.
However, particularly in the context of a special issue on theories of fathering, we also believe
that it is important to caution that the use of unified parenting measures may obscure significant
theoretical, process, or meaning differences between mothers and fathers, or mothering and
fathering. If the second most common meaning of essential (again, according to Dictionary.com)
is the one being applied, pertaining to or constituting the essence of a thing, there are
substantive theoretical and empirical distinctions between the essence of mothering and the essence
of fathering. Through focused discussion of family systems theory and feminist theory, and by
presenting selected qualitative findings from studies of parenting, we document essential differences
that may influence parents relationships with children and their developmental consequences. The
theoretical literature we review along with qualitative analyses amply show that although there is no
compelling documentation of essen- tial differences in populations of mothers and fathers, within
individual families, differences do exist in roles, processes, and the meanings of mothers and
fathers involvement, and core the- oretical perspectives interpret these differences as having
potentially substantive developmental influences on childrens outcomes.
We assert that the essential differences in the quality and quantity of parental involvement interact
to create complexity in intergenerational
relationships and development that has not yet been adequately captured by behaviorally focused
quantitative data. This is not a condem- nation of the excellent advances that have been made in
operationalizing and measuring differ- ent components of parenting behavior. Rather, this review
recognizes that some of the most important processes and meanings of mothering and fathering have
eluded quantitative capture. We argue that applied theoretical perspectives of multiple documented
parental differences suggest that we need to further develop nuanced conceptualizations and
measures of fathering and mothering that can be empirically linked to child outcome variables.
We systemati- cally develop each of these counterpoints in a balanced and constructive manner.
Convergent Data May Lead to Divergent
Theoretical Conceptualizations
Ultimately, convergent measures for mothers and fathers yield rich parenting data. We believe that
using convergent parenting measures, espe- cially those focused exclusively on behavioral
involvement, will highlight and emphasize the differences in mothers and fathers direct
engagement with their children. Still, these will fail to capture meaning and process variables that
shape our understanding of childrens relationships with mothers and fathers and what it means
to be a mother or father. Data do not explain themselvesit is theories that give meaning and
interpretation to the data. Thus, using convergent measures to produce divergent data may likely
highlight parental differences, but it is still theories that will help us comprehend and interpret the
importance of the differences. In a best-case scenario, the highlighted differences will cause
researchers to focus on the constructs that need to be oper- ationalized in divergent ways for mothers
and fathers so that the underlying meanings and processes are captured.
The theories we cover clearly articulate that meanings and processes are centrally impor- tant
aspects of intergenerational relationships and development. Admittedly, they are difficult or
impossible to capture in purely behavioral measures. The mere fact that it is difficult to establish
reliability on cognitive and affective components of parenting does not justify their exclusion to
yield a total reliance on behavioral indices.
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Maternal Templates Have Shaped Fathering

Measures
The inability to distinguish mothering and fathering in behavioral measures of parenting may be
partially explained by understanding that maternal templates have frequently been used to develop
fathering measures. In the first edition of Handbook of Father Involvement Roggman, Fitzgerald,
Bradley, and Raikes (2002) noted that there is no Grand Unifying theory of fatherhood to
effectively guide research on fathers (p. 6). They expounded on many of the theories we have
covered in this issue and conclude that the lack of a grand unifying the- ory makes it challenging to
select a method and solutions for methodological problems when studying fathers. They further
stated that many of the conceptual frameworks, research meth- ods, and methodological strategies
used early on by fathering researchers were those found useful for studying mothering. They
lamented that a key difficulty that researchers face when trying to study fathers is that much of the
lit- erature on parenting is framed by a conception of caregiving built around maternal parenting, or
what is called the maternal template (p. 2, citing Marsiglio, Amato, & Day, 2000).
Less than 15 years ago, leading fathering scholars were advocating for differentiating fathering
from mothering in both conceptual and methodological realms. What can account for the reversal
now? Is it that we, as a culture, have progressed so far in such a short time? Is it that the common
elements of mothering and fathering are more recognized now because of recent patterns of gender
convergence spurred by womens educational attainment and employ- ment patterns? Have
demographic shifts and changes in cultural values and role enactment effectively negated any
substantive differences between mothers and fathers?
We do not sense that Fagan et al. (2014) are arguing that there are no differences in how mothers
and fathers influence developmen- tal outcomes for children or their well-being. Specifically,
they do not argue that there are no differences in levels or patterns of involvement, frequencies of
behaviors, time distributions, proportions of available time spent in particular kinds of engagement,
personality differences, role construction differences, or meaning of parenting behaviors as tapped by
measures such as the pie (Cowan et al., 1985). We contend
that each of these represent differences in the essence of mothering and fathering.
General Theoretical Overview of Essential
Differences
In the context of a special issue on theoriz- ing about fathering, there are some cautions
against relying on unified parenting measures and some alternative perspectives that warrant our
attention. As reviewed in other full arti- cles in this issue, feminist and gender theories (see
Doucet & Lee, 2014), attachment theory (Palm, 2014), ecological approaches (Cabr- era,
Fitzgerald, Bradley, & Roggman, 2014), and life course approaches to the family (see Roy, 2014)
offer significant points of departure from an empirical literature that fails to doc- ument essential
differences between mothers and fathers. Family systems theory, reviewed briefly in this article,
also would posit that mothers and fathers are essentially different because they engage in different
configurations of rules and roles. Feminist, gender, and family systems theories acknowledge
similarities and differences between men and women while emphasizing differences in roles and
power. Each would suggest that, even in an egalitarian relationship, different meanings and
processes are associated with each parents behavior. That is, even if mothers and fathers were to
engage in the same behaviors with similar frequency, neither parents nor children would experience
or perceive the convergent behaviors as equivalent, and therefore, the processes, meanings, and
outcomes would be different. Further, the systems construct of equifinality (Feiring & Lewis,
1987) would suggest that although men and women (on average) have experienced significant role
convergence in parenting and providing, being in the same place via different developmental
trajectories results in different meanings, processes, and experiences for parents even though they
exhibit similar behaviors. Prior to engaging in focused theoretical reviews, a brief examination of
empirical work on sex, gender, and parenting sets the stage for further analyses.
Sex, Gender, and Parenting: Documented
Differences

Within individual families, even among the most egalitarian ones, substantive differences in
Essential Differences in Mothering and Fathering

409

mothering and fathering have been documented. Though mothers and fathers often share ideals,
values, roles, and involvement in parenting (Palkovitz, 2013), household work (Blair & Lichter,
1991), and well-being (Eiser & Moorse,
2001), they seldom do so equally (Bianchi, Milkie, Sayer, & Robinson, 2000). In the most general
sense, worldwide, across a vast array of cultural diversity, mothers and fathers share similar
parenting goals of survival, protection, teaching, and fostering self-fulfillment in their offspring
(LeVine, 1988). Yet as parents, men and women often enact their convergent goals through
differentiated roles, styles, levels, and patterns of involvement (Palkovitz, 2013). In different
societal contexts, mothers and fathers are also held to different standards and are judged by how
well they perform their parental roles. For instance, current research indicates that middle-class
White women and women of color are held to different mothering standards depending on their
social class and ethnicity, and those standards are gender spe- cific (Silva & Alexander, 2013).
Further, it is common for mothers and fathers to hold unique individual appraisals of and aspirations
for their childrens development and well-being. Male and female parents hopes and dreams,
concerns and fears also may be qualitatively different for their sons and daughters. Therefore,
mothers and fathers tend to treat sons and daughters differently (Leaper, 2002).
Theoretical interpretations of these docu- mented differences provide a basis for predicting
different developmental outcomes from distinct patterns of parental engagement over time and
contexts. Simply stated, it is likely that sons and daughters learn different scripts in different ways
from their observations of and interactions with their mothers and fathers. That is, within families,
mothers and fathers interact with their children in convergent yet distinct ways, charac- terized by
different meanings and processes that yield different expectations and developmental outcomes.
Effects of Gendered Parenting on Childrens
Well-Being
Palkovitz (2013) provided a comprehensive review of the effects of gendered parenting on
childrens well-being and documented that male and female parents demonstrate divergent patterns
of gendered parenting reflected in the
theoretical and empirical literature in a number of interrelated yet distinct ways: (a) sex differ- ences
in behaviors of men and women (see, e.g., Rhoades, 2004), (b) different levels of partici- pation in
various categories of involvement in child rearing (see, e.g., Pleck & Masciadrelli,
2004), (c) different styles of interaction with
children (see, e.g., Darling & Steinberg, 1993), (d) different meanings of the constellations of sexrole orientations in men and women (see, e.g., Maurer, Pleck, & Rane, 2001), and (e)
interactions of these factors with contexts of parenting and development over time.
Processes of Developmental Difference
The developmental literature identifies mecha- nisms and processes of influence in parent-child
relationships, including parental gender role modeling, parents differential treatment of girls and
boys, differences in content and style of instruction directed toward sons and daughters, gendered
expectations, opportunities provided, monitoring and management of childrens activities, and
emotional communication and regulation (Palkovitz, 2013). These categories of influence are
neither exhaustive nor mutually exclusive. Palkovitz (2013) concluded that gen- dered parenting has
important implications for developmental outcomes that differ according to the sex and gender of
parents, sex and gender of offspring, marital quality, and coparenting relationships. Our view of this
literature is that there are substantive differences in developmen- tal outcomes for typical patterns
of fathering and mothering behaviors and that mothering and fathering yield experiences that are
essentially different.
Further, individual differences in personality, expression, and interpersonal history create realities
in which children develop different expectations for their mothers and fathers in regard to parental
style, personality, and tempo. Simply stated, children form different expecta- tions for their mothers

and fathers as they are treated in a distinct manner by each parent, or even when treated in the same
manner by differ- ent parents. As the following section on feminist theory will establish, these are
differences that are systematically related to differential expe- riences of men and women in regard
to roles, power, and permissionsnot merely differences that could exist between any two persons
inde- pendent of sex and gender. These experiences
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of children forming different expectations for mothers and fathers are believed to contribute to the
valued cognitive skill of discrimination learning, the ability to discern differences, and the ability to
form differential expectations and contingencies based on perceived differ- ences. These
cognitive skills are associated with facilitation of the development of social cog- nition, competence,
pragmatics, and nuanced interpersonal interaction abilities (Palkovitz,
2013). These skills allow children to develop an implicit theory that suggests which parent is the
better one to approach regarding different issues (e.g., permission for various activities) or for
advice or assistance in different realms. If there were not substantive differences in parents quality
of involvement and associated meanings, processes, and lived experiences, this would not be the
case.
Lamb and Lewis (2013) documented that
fathers and mothers engage in different types of interactions with their children from early
infancy. They reviewed findings from Borke, Lamm, Eickhorst, and Keller (2007) characteriz- ing
fathers engagement with children to be more distal in comparison to mothers proximal
interactions, involving bodily contact. More- over, proportions of parental time engaged in dif- ferent
kinds of activities typically vary between mothers and fathers. Lamb and Lewis (2010) reviewed
research that asserts that fathers are more likely to stimulate and engage in phys- ically stimulating
and unpredictable play with infants and young children, whereas mothers are more likely to engage
in caretaking. Social learn- ing theories would suggest that children learn differences in roles from
observing consistent differences between parents across time. Thus, differential parental styles,
levels, and patterns of engagement over time yield different experi- ences, expectations, and
attributions that become linked with the development of differentiated role constructions.
Still, there is a strong consensus that there is more similarity than difference in gender expres- sion
in humans (Hyde & Plant, 1995). This does not mean that observed parental differences may be
insignificant and noninfluential (Rhoades,
2004) in shaping the behavior and attitudes chil- dren. From a macro view, differences between
mothers and fathers are not great: Both parents encourage visual exploration, object manipula- tion,
attention to relations between objects, and cause and effect (Power, 1985; Teti, Bond, &
Gibbs, 1998). Observations indicate, however, that maternal and paternal styles of achieving these
larger goals are often distinct from one another. Fathers tend to be more unconven- tional in their toy
and object use than mothers and use objects to engage in physical contact with children to a greater
degree than moth- ers do (Labrell, 1996). Fathers also destabi- lize children during play through
greater fre- quencies of unpredictable behavior and the use of teasing to a greater extent than
mothers do (Labrell, 1996).
Paquette (2004) discussed the fact that fathers stimulating play styles with children are
effective in helping children develop strong bonds with their fathers even when fathers time
distributions make them less available to their children than mothers. Male parents have also been
observed to be firmer but more nondirective than female parents, whereas women are often more
responsive, structured, and regimented than men (Baumrind, 1982).
Paquette (2004) observed that while a rel- ative lack of differentiation in parental roles would
appear to be more socially desirable, the work of researchers . . . suggests that the family
structure that is most favorable to the socio-affective development of young children is one in which
both parents are involved from the early stages, but with differentiated fields of activity involving
clearly polarized maternal and paternal functions (p. 203). LeCamus (1995, cited in Paquette, 2004)
noted that mothers and fathers differ in odor, voice, face, muscle tone, and messages communicated.
Summary of Gendered Parenting and Essential
Differences

Children have different experiences with their mothers and fathers because the psychological and
physical differences between the two par- ents are greater than those between two people of the
same sex. These observations establish that children have multiple and varied opportuni- ties to
develop differential expectations for their parents and to benefit from discrimination learn- ing in the
positive sense, the formulation of and analyses of differences. The fundamentally gen- dered nature
of parenting becomes more clearly apparent when viewed through family systems and feminist
lenses. To better understand why that is the case, it is useful to revisit the basic tenets of these
approaches.
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411

Family Systems Theory

Family systems theory (Bowen, 1978; Bronte-Tinkew, Horowitz, & Carrano, 2010; Cox,
Paley, & Harter, 2001) represents an impor- tant body of knowledge that has grown out of the
observations of clinical and counseling psy- chologists as they have worked with individuals and
their families across time. The central idea is that families are systems of interconnected and
interdependent individuals. To understand the individual, we must understand the family system of
that individual. Simply stated, people cannot be understood in isolation from one another. To
understand patterns of parenting behavior, one must understand the contexts of the other people in
the family, including families of origin and the current family, where parenting is being observed and
experienced by various family members.
Family systems theory posits that the fam- ily is a structure of related subsystems, such as
the mother-father dyad, sibling alliances, and parent-child dyads. Each of these sub- systems
affects the lived experience of each family member. For example, the quality of the parents
relationship affects coparenting issues (Van Egeren & Hawkins, 2004), and thus parent-child
relationships (McHale, 2009). In a review of coparenting and childrens well-being, Palkovitz,
Fagan, and Hull (2013) stated, Sex and gender interact in multiple ways to influence parents
perceptions of interactions with their children (p. 210).
Essential Differences in Roles
Family roles (i.e., what is expected of each fam- ily member) represent another central construct of
family systems theory. The most basic types of roles are father, mother, daughter, son, and so forth.
Each member of the family has a number of implicit or explicit, culturally shaped ideas about what is
expected from people in each of these roles. Different cultures, subcultures, and families have their
own nuanced interpretations about what fathers, mothers, and children are supposed to do and what
they should not do in families. We tend to think along the lines of state- ments such as, Dads today
are expected to be good providers and involved in the daily lives of their kids. We also have
prescriptions and expectations that are not necessarily culturewide but specific to neighborhoods or
families. An
example of this may be, Dads in our family (or on our block) have a history of being stable and
calm when things get tough, or, conversely, Men in my family (or neighborhood) fly off the
handle when something gets in the way of their goals. In most cultures and subcultures, there are
simultaneously both overlapping and distinct role expectations for mothers and fathers (McGoldrick
& Hardy, 2008), but there are dis- tinctions that define different essences.
Differential Roles, Differential Expectations
An implication of family systems theory is that the family and its interdependent subsystems have
developmental trajectories (Palkovitz et al.,
2013). All families, and all family subsystems, are dynamic; the individual components and the
nature of their interactions change. Because of the developmental and circumstantial changes that
different family members experience on a daily basis, it brings inevitable changes into the ways that
families interact, what children come to expect of mothers and fathers, and how they understand and
respond to mothering and father- ing roles.
Empirical evidence has documented that mar- ital conflict affects the parenting behaviors of
fathers and mothers differently, and that mar- itally discordant mothers and fathers change their

behaviors toward sons and daughters in a differential manner (Kerig, Cowan, & Cowan,
1993). A substantial body of evidence sug- gests that marital quality is more influential in
altering fathering behavior than mothering (see, e.g., Belsky, Rovine, & Fish, 1989), and that fatherdaughter relationships are particu- larly at risk for lower quality as a result of mar- ital discord
(Goldberg & Easterbrooks, 1984). Although main effects can be substantiated for child and parent
gender, complex interactions exist among parent sex, gender, and marital qual- ity (Kerig et al.,
1993).
Essential Differences in Rules
In addition to family roles, family rules also influence the events that parents engage in or
abstain from. Family rules are the (often unspoken and unwritten) norms about how the family
operates. For example, how affectionate or emotional (e.g., angry) are family members expected or
allowed to be with one another? How do decisions get made in the family?
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Journal of Family Theory & Review

Who has input and who is expected to just go along? How is a final decision made? How much
are family members allowed to talk to people outside the family about family prob- lems? Families
tend to develop patterns about ways to honor and enforce these issues and they become the unspoken
family rules. Because of gender differences in risk taking (Byrnes, Miller,
& Schafer, 1999) and power (Ball, Cowan, & Cowan, 1995), as well as social prescriptions for
appropriate role enactment (Howard & Hollander, 1997), mothers and fathers often have differences
of opinion regarding family rules or how to enact them. Simply stated, men and women have
different perceived power or authority in different domains of life, including parenting (Pedersen,
2012).
Family roles and rules interact to help sys- tems develop typical ways of being, which bring family
stability because they are reliable and pre- dictable. Family stability, and disruptions to it, teaches
children about parenting roles in ways that have not been empirically documented as essential
differences. However, family rules and roles clearly have substantive consequences for the lived
experiences of mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters.
Theoretical Implications for Essential
Differences
These basic principles of family systems the- ory are important to understand because they suggest
that, in addition to individual develop- mental principles, behavior and relationships are heavily
influenced by the nature of the systems and subsystems that we belong to and the pat- terns of
relationships that have been established within these systems. Most important for our dis- cussion in
the present context, family systems theory emphasizes that although parenting may look similar for
men and women in many conver- gent ways, there are distinct differences in and expectations for
maternal and paternal roles in most cultures. Further, within individual fami- lies, mothers and
fathers typically have different ways of enacting family roles and rules.
Although family systems theory is often a mainstay of human development and family studies
programs, it has not been utilized in a substantive manner to guide empirical work on fathering.
Developing studies of fathering that emphasize central constructs of family systems theory may yield
greater understanding
of distinct differences between mothers and fathers as they influence child development and wellbeing.
Feminist Contributions
The strongest argument for the gendered nature of parenting comes through the application of a
feminist perspective. Because a basic tenet of feminism is that women and men have varied and
unique experiences in society and in fam- ilies, it would stand to reason that women and mens
experiences with parenting, as well as their contributions, are also different. A corol- lary to this
perspective is that women and men will, thus, influence their childrens develop- ment and well-

being in a potentially distinctive fashion.

Core Tenets of Feminist Theories
A feminist framework is best understood as a set of principles that places gender inequality at
the crux of social life. Feminists believe that throughout history and in most societal arenas, men
have had greater power and have subordi- nated women in order to advantage themselves. Feminist
theory builds on the basic tenets of feminism by trying to understand the reasons behind gender
inequality in many parts of the world and throughout much of human history. Although there is not
one unified set of femi- nist beliefs, feminists are united by the under- standing that recognizing
gender differences is critical, that social change is imperative, and that women need to be empowered
vis--vis men.
A major contribution of the second wave of feminism that began in the late 1960s and early
1970s was the recognition of womens unique experiences in relation to men in families, communities, and social life in general (DeVault,
1996). Feminists were particularly concerned with what they viewed as the accepted and
unexamined patriarchal, hierarchical model of social life, and specifically family arrangements in the
West. They postulated that since women had less power in society, the same unequal arrangements
were also at work in the intimate sphere of family life. Thus, womens experi- ences and
developmental trajectories did not mirror those of mens. This argument is at the crux of our
article: Despite commonalities and a move toward gender convergence in many aspects of
American social life, gender still
Essential Differences in Mothering and Fathering

413

matters. Moreover, there are significant varia- tions once ethnicity, race, and social class are taken
into account (Hill, 2008).
It is important to remember also that femi- nists have highlighted the tendency in the social
sciences to generalize from the experiences of men and the use of theoretical hypothesizing to
control women in every sphere of social life (DeVault, 1996). Concurrently, scholars of color have
pointed out that gender bias was often also conflated with racist biases, leading, for instance, to
conclusions about supposed defi- ciencies in African American families that were blamed on women
(Baca Zinn, Cannon, Hig- ginbotham, & Dill, 1986). Moreover, a shared perspective between White
and minority-group feminist scholars has been a critique of the prevailing emphasis on studying only
White middle-class breadwinner-homemaker families. These scholars have pointed out that this
famil- ial model was not necessarily representative of all groups in US society, or even a biological,
natural arrangement. Instead, feminists have expanded the conceptualization of families to
introduce the notion that womens experiences in families as wives and mothers are distinct from
those of men who are husbands and fathers. By deconstructing what were understood to be the
traditional family and biological sex roles, feminist scholars initiated a new dialogue on social
life, families, and gender roles. Their analysis pointed to the gendered nature of family life and
highlighted the hierarchical arrange- ments that characterize social life (Osmond & Thorne, 1993).
These arguments are particu- larly pertinent to our stance that if parenting is measured only
through the use of one set of convergent measures, the differences between womens and mens
experiences and behaviors, the central aspect of feminist theorizing, will be obfuscated. The
varied nuances in family life, which most definitely have a gendered component, will be lost.
Standpoint Theory
A core feminist perspective that provides a foundation for our argument stems from a theo- retical
approach often termed standpoint theory. From this vantage point there is no single objec- tive truth
or understanding about knowledge. Instead, class, race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and
national origin are all understood to influence individuals perceptions of their
lives and experiences (Campbell & Wasco,
2000). Moreover, the realities of peoples lives are understood to make them better attuned to the
cultures of the more dominant groups with which they interact. By having to move between their
subordinated position and the more dominant culture or cultures, individuals who belong to

stigmatized groups are thought to have the potential to come to a more com- prehensive
understanding of the world around them. However, this understanding is arrived at only through
critical social analysis.
This same perspective can also be applied to understanding gendered parenting, and specif- ically
to mothering and fathering experiences. For instance, individuals who become parents experience
their social world differently than those who do not have children. Recent studies have also linked
womens psychological devel- opment to the development of womens iden- tities and their
adjustments to life experiences (Whitbourne, 2007). As girls and women, and conversely boys and
men, develop in a specific culture and context, their developmental trajec- tories are influenced by
their environments. This dynamic interaction leads to specific gendered experiences. In turn, these
experiences later influence the interaction between parent and child. This perspective allows us to
understand that mothering and fathering do not entail undif- ferentiated life experienceseven
though some of the activities associated with these behaviors may, on the surface, be similar. Thus,
if women are understood to have a somewhat subordinate position in their respective societies, when
they become mothers their roles and experiences will differ from those of men who become
fathers and who belong to the more dominant group (Kinser, 2010). It stands to reason that these
mothers social positioning will influence their parenting experiences and styles. Research on lesbian
mothers reinforces this notion. For instance, Siegenthaler and Bigner (2000) found that there are
strong similarities between lesbian and heterosexual mothers with respect to how they value children
and interact with them. Lesbian mothers and heterosexual mothers have in common their
experiences as a somewhat subordinate group in the larger society, and they bring this to bear in
their parenting practices. This finding meshes with studies that show that children growing up in
lesbian families are more influenced by family processes than by the structure of their families
(Perlesz et al., 2006).
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Journal of Family Theory & Review

Thus, if womens life experiences are influenced by their gender, it stands to reason that their
parenting practices will reflect their life course. The same reasoning applies to men in their roles as
fathers.
Feminism and Cultural Values
Parenting is influenced by other societal val- ues as well. For example, over the past 100 years,
mothers in virtually every social group in the United States have been designated as being,
ideally, the primary caretaker of childrenirrespective of their race, ethnicity, social class, or work
status (Hill, 2008). Both from a psychological and a societal perspective, their identity is formed
and centers, at least in part, on their relationship to their children. While men have increased
their involvement with their children significantly over the past
20 years, other societal factors influence their life course and identity development. Thus, both
mothers and fathers bring certain essential features to their parenting. There will, of course, be
overlap in behaviors, roles and expectations; however, fundamentally, their experiences, interactions,
and influences differ. Subsuming these differences under a single unified measure obscures basic
distinctions and opposes all that feminists have worked to achieve.
Summary of Feminist Understandings of Essential Differences
Feminist theorizing introduced the idea that women and men have different experiences in and
outside of families, and posited that gender roles are continuously reconstructed and rela- tional and
can be used to advance both personal and collective aims (Ferree, 1990; Kinser, 2010). This does not,
however, imply that the contribu- tions that mothers and fathers make are the same. Instead, with a
feminist lens we see that super- ficially some contemporary parenting roles and functions in families
overlap but that experiential and developmental trajectories differ by gender. These basic tenets of
feminist theory cannot be overlooked in contemporary theorizing and data gathering on parenting
behaviors.
Qualitative Research on Fathering

Although much feminist research has focused on the lives and experiences of women, the feminist
approach to social constructions of gender more broadly, and gendered expectations of phenom- ena
such as parenting more specifically, has led to a number of qualitative studies of fathering. Findings
from such studies support the perspec- tive that mothers and fathers experience, enact, and thus lead
their children to experience par- enting differently. This is largely due to cultural and societal
differences in the attitudes and poli- cies enacted toward fathers relative to mothers. Pedersen (2012)
documented that for mothers, good parenting is distinct from mothering, whereas for fathers,
good parenting and good fathering are indistinguishable. Moth- ers reported three
interrelated components of good parenting: reliability, structure, and disciplinary consistency. In
contrast, fathers reported that good parenting connotes being a participant in family life and spending
time with ones child. Men describe the fathering role as helping and supporting mothers rather
than viewing parenting as a primary responsibility. Fathers tend to view time outside of work
as an opportunity for childcare involvement as opposed to viewing work as a reduction in
ideal time spent with children (Pedersen,
2012, p. 241). In contrast, mothers tend to experience participation in the paid labor force as a
reduction of child-centered time. Pedersen concludes that mothers and fathers understand and
prioritize family and child-care needs differently. This is not merely a difference in amount or style;
it is a difference in the essence of mothering and fathering, as suggested by both family
systems theory and feminist theories.
Distinctions Created During the Transition to Parenthood
Beginning well before children are born, the expectations and experiences of fathers as parents-to-be
are distinct from those of mothers. To the extent that parenting is traditionally considered womens
realm, pregnancy is expo- nentially more exclusive. It is womens bodies that undergo dramatic
physical changes dur- ing pregnancy and that conceive, nurture, and thus parent children at the
most biological level. This exclusive biological claim has led fathers to be secondary at best, and
excluded at worst, from the experience of parenting and preparing to parent prenatally.
Qualitative interviews and case studies with soon-to-be
Essential Differences in Mothering and Fathering

415

fathers have found that many potential fathers express strong desires to be involved with their
children (Hofner, Schadler, & Richter, 2011; Miller, 2010; Reed, 2011; Wilkes, Mannix, &
Jackson, 2012), but they also reported feeling implicitly or actively excluded from prenatal
appointments (Shirani & Henwood, 2011) and decision making about issues during pregnancy (e.g.,
prenatal testing; Reed, 2011). A lack of inclusion contributes to men to feeling less prepared for
parenthood than mothers (Chin, Hall, & Daiches, 2011) and has implications for how men view
themselves as fathers and the roles men learn they are expected (or allowed) to play as parents. Even
countries with relatively progressive parental leave policies leave fathers feeling that, although steps
have been taken toward gender equality in pregnancy, it is a goal that is not yet realized (Reed,
2011).
Womens biological claim to certain aspects of parenting, such as breast-feeding, also leads to a
unique situation for fathers in which they are able to directly parent and engage in some roles but
can have only indirect involvement in others (e.g., encouraging healthy behaviors during
pregnancy and abstaining from unhealthy behaviors themselves, helping mothers obtain prenatal
care, supporting breast-feeding, pro- viding emotional support during delivery). Such indirect
parenting is an experience exclusive to men, and fathers report knowing that their role in such
activities is to be supportive of moth- ers, both practically and emotionally (Datta, Graham, &
Wellings, 2012). Likely because of this secondary role, fathers also report receiving relatively little
information and support from institutions (e.g., workplace), organizations (e.g., hospitals, birthing
centers), and individuals (e.g., family members, employers, health-care professionals), despite their
desire to be involved (Deslauriers, Devaulty, Groulx, & Sevigny,
2012; Reed, 2011; Sherriff & Hall, 2011). A synthesis of qualitative research on the transition to
fatherhood noted that, despite the progress that has been made and even though todays fathers
typically are more involved in parenting than their own fathers were, parenting is still a highly
gendered experience (Chin et al., 2011).

Multiple Fatherhoods
Although fathering is talked about as a relatively homogeneous experience, the terms fathers and
fatherhood actually encompasses a wide array
of circumstances and perspectives. Some fathers are personally motivated to take on a primary role
in parenting their children, whereas others take on such a role for practical or economic
considerations (Doucet & Merla, 2007; West et al., 2009). Some fathers are drawn into greater
involvement because of characteristics of their children, such as having triplets (Brout, Lepof- sky,
Silverstein, & Auerbach, 2010), a child with a chronic health condition (Swallow, Lambert,
Santacroce, & Macfadyen, 2011), a child with mental illness (Johansson, Anderzen-Carlsson, Ahlin,
Andershed, & Skondal, 2012; Wiens & Daniluk, 2009), or a child with autism (Don- aldson, Elder,
Self, & Christie, 2011). However, such fathers again report challenges dealing with health-care
systems and other agencies that are not prepared or willing to involve fathers (Don- aldson et al.,
2011; Johansson et al., 2012; Swal- low et al., 2011; Wiens & Daniluk, 2009), which makes positive
and developmentally appropriate fathering more difficult. However, not all fathers are highly
involved. Some seem to pick out the good bits rather than truly sharing parent- ing with their
partners (Johansson, 2011, p. 166). Such differences in the expectations, meanings, and behaviors
associated with fatherhood might be due to personal preferences, family dynam- ics (e.g., maternal
or child preferences or feed- back), experiences in families of origin (e.g., what a fathers own father
did, and how he expe- rienced such fathering), or external influences (e.g., work demands, financial
constraints, res- ident status, or access to the child).
Characteristics of mothers also influence fathers parental experiences, and thus, their behaviors
and motivations. For example, fathers in families with mothers experiencing post- partum depression
often reported depressive symptoms themselves but a greater lack of resources and support than
exists for mothers (LeTourneau, Duffett-Leger, Dennis, Stewart,
& Tryphonopoulos, 2011). LeTourneau et al. noted, Everyone asked the fathers about their
partners and the baby, but no one asked the fathers about how they were dealing with the transition
to parenthood (p. 45). Relationships between fathers and mothers are especially critical in
unmarried families (Devault et al.,
2008), and fathers acknowledge this. As one new father stated, Itll be interesting to see how much
involvement she allows me to have (Finn
& Henwood, 2009, p. 555). The quantitative literature on maternal gatekeeping (e.g., Allen
416

Journal of Family Theory & Review

& Hawkins, 1999; Fagan & Barnett, 2003) also supports mothers role in shaping fathers
experiences and behaviors in ways that fathers do not shape mothers experiences and behav- iors as
parents. Seeing parenting as something another person allows you to do, rather than something one
is entitled or expected to do, fundamentally shapes the way fathers think and behave as fathers, thus
creating experiences that are distinct from mothering.
Qualitative studies of father identity have explored fathers motivations, beliefs, and behaviors in
greater depth. Yarwood (2011) noted that individual father identities are highly fluid and changeable
but are situated with a larger hegemonic discourse that places men as secondary to mothers. Men use
peers, partners, and their own parents as points of reference when defining themselves as fathers, and
they demonstrate a great deal of ambivalence about trying to balance responsibilities of work and
caring. The issue of work-family balance is not unique to fathers, but fathers have been more likely
to be seen as the primary breadwinners of the family and have been more likely to work
longer hours than mothers (see more discussion below). Fathers, like mothers, also change their
parenting identities and behav- iors to fit the changing needs of their children (Ashbourne, Daly, &
Brown, 2011). However, fathers note that time spent with children is a necessary prerequisite to
identifying their childrens needs, and unlike most mothers, this is an ingredient that many fathers
feel they are missing (Ashbourne et al., 2011).
Gender, Work, and Parental Leave Policies
As noted, employed fathers frequently report difficulties with balancing work and parent- ing
responsibilities. The discrepancy between mothers and fathers work-family experiences is

particularly noticeable, however, following the transition to parenthood, with differences between
fathers intentions and lived parenting realities sometimes leading to clinical levels of father
depression (Miller, 2010). Even in coun- tries where fathers are provided with paternal leave, such as
the United Kingdom, a fathers return to (typically) full-time employment soon after the birth of a
child represents a shift in the fathers role. Restrictions on the amount of time available for
involvement leads fathers to focus more on specific parenting tasks (e.g., giving the
baby a bath) and leads fathers to feel like they have lost touch with the daily routines, needs, and
behaviors of their children, matters with which the mother remains intimately connected (Miller,
2010). As noted by one UK father after returning to work, I needed to get more sleep, so [my
wife] dealt with the night a bit more, and then whole days, and then suddenly you become a bit
more secondary (Miller,
2010, p. 372).
Qualitative research highlights the impor- tance of political and policy contexts for fathers
experiences. Much qualitative research has been done in countries such as Sweden, the United
Kingdom, and Australia regarding the effec- tiveness and take-up of paternal leave policies
(Almqvist, Sandberg, & Dahlgren, 2011; Chin et al., 2011; Finn & Henwood, 2009; Johansson,
2011; Miller, 2010; Reed, 2011). Although such countries are among the front-runners in terms of
supportive policies for new fathers, as noted, men still feel that equality has not been reached and
parenting remains a strongly gendered experience. As one new father commented, paternity leave is
a nice offer, a great gesture, but that is all it is (Miller, 2010, p. 375).
Summary of Essential Qualitative Differences
An overview of qualitative research on fathers paints a rich and varied view of processes and
meanings of fathering that diverges in substan- tive ways from qualitative work with mothers. On
one level, parents raise children. All over the world, parents have similar hopes and goals and
engage in many similar behaviors to accom- plish these goals, regardless of their gender.
However, on another level, the unique political, social, and institutional contexts that men experience over their life course nonetheless leads the experience of parenting to become one that is
highly gendered. Consequently, men enact par- enthood from a different starting point from that of
women, and their experiences and trajectories diverge in many additional ways over time. The
processes and meanings of fathering are distinct from those of mothering, and the essence of what it
means to be a father or mother, and to father or mother children, differs. These differences lead to
different cognitive and affective experiences in children interacting with fathers and mothers.
Overall, qualitative research adds depth to our understanding of essential differences in mother and
fathers experiences as parents.
Essential Differences in Mothering and Fathering

417

Conclusions
In this article we argued that we understand the methodological utility of employing the same
measures for mother and father involvement (Fagan et al., 2014). However, we have also taken
the stance that, although it may be appro- priate for methodological reasons to use paral- lel
measures, doing so could obscure the under- standing of fundamentally different meanings and
processes of mothering and fathering, or be used to imply that parents are completely
interchangeable in every regard. Feminist theory, family systems theory, and the collective body of
qualitative work on fathering each strongly refute this notion.
While we agree with Fagan et al. (2014) that there are methodological and conceptual
advantages of having common parenting mea- sures for both mothers and fathers, we also value the
nuanced differences between moth- ers and fathers involvement with their sons and daughters that
have not yet been conceptualized and measured in a manner that unequivocally demonstrates
essential and unique contributions. As argued elsewhere (Hawkins & Palkovitz,
1999; Palkovitz, 1997), conceptualizations of parenting that focus on behavioral engagement while
ignoring cognitive and affective domains of involvement significantly truncate our under- standing
and representation of the lived experi- ences of parents and their children.
To arrive at deeper understandings of moth- ering and fathering, we encourage the expansion and
inclusion of both qualitative and quantitative measures of parenting in empirical research. To date,

many of the quality measures are thinly enumerated scales that rate components such as harsh
parenting. This does not robustly cap- ture the lived experiences of fathers who employ harsh
parenting or the children who are the tar- gets of this behavior. A focus on the behavior that
dismisses the emotional and cognitive com- ponents is a sterile rendering of the exchange and the
developmental consequences. No won- der we do not find evidence of important dif- ferences
between mothers and fathers when the cognitive and affective components of behaviors are stripped
from consideration. It is possible that parenting behavior is similar for men and women in many
regards, yet important distinc- tions exist in affective and cognitive components of their parenting,
thus changing the meanings and processes and outcomes.
An ongoing challenge to scholars is to further integrate the central tenets of feminist and family
systems theories as well as the findings docu- mented through qualitative research on fathers, in
order to enrich and develop a nuanced con- ceptualization and operationalization of parent- ing
constructs in a manner that reflects the lived experiences of families (Daly, 2003). Demo- graphic
and other types of empirical data point to a considerable convergence in parenting activ- ity for
mothers and fathers. To the extent that such convergences represent greater egalitarian relationships
between women and men, they are harbingers of welcomed social progress. Still, it may serve us
well to observe that developmental maturity entails both integration and differen- tiation across
developmental systems. If inte- grated measures for mothering and fathering can facilitate
differentiated understanding of the pro- cesses and meanings of parenting for persons in different
social addresses, then theories of par- enting will attain new maturity and utility.
Taken collectively, we assert that the tenets of family systems theory and feminist theories,
coupled with the qualitative results presented, clearly demonstrate that the essence of father- ing and
mothering is distinctly different in the contexts of individual families. Although we encourage the
deployment of convergent mea- sures for behaviorally based empirical studies that will highlight
differences or similarities between mothers and fathers, we simultaneously encourage researchers and
theoreticians to invest in ways to capture the distinct differences in meaning and process, particularly
in the cogni- tive and affective experiences of mothers and fathers. We believe that pursuing these
goals together will enhance our understandings of the lived experiences of mothers and fathers and
the distinctions that they bring to the development of children in unique family settings.