Running Head: PARENT AND CHILD RELATIONSHIP IN ISLAM

Reflective Essay: Parent and Child Relationship in Islam

Akhlaq (Morality) and Adab (Manners) in Islam

28/12/2015
Word Count: 2000

PARENT AND CHILD RELATIONSHIP IN ISLAM

The critical challenge facing society nowadays is the fact that most of the younger
generation lacks the spiritual, moral and ethical dimensions of life. Because of this setup,
manners and code of ethics is almost irrelevant to young adults (Rahim, 2013). This reality is
undeniable. The rate and prevalence of juvenile delinquency increases which is no longer just
a social problem, but rather, a public concern. There are many suggestions and
countermeasures provided by the government and social agencies in order to resolve this
concern regarding the morality and manners of the present generation. Unfortunately, these
actions are not enough to overcome the growing behavioral problems of the present
generation. In adherence to the societys code of ethics and morality principles, there are
some young teenagers who feel being choked and restricted by these perceived norms and
policies (Rahim, 2013). Some feel that there is no need to follow moral principles and ethical
standards because these regulations are no longer applicable. With this current mentality
and trend that is happening within the society, it is no longer a question as to why a great
crisis has befallen young adults and teenagers nowadays. Smoking, drug abuse, substance
abuse, teenage pregnancy, high suicide rates, peer pressure and bullying are the direct results
of the deterioration in the morality and refinement of character of most teenagers and young
adults nowadays. Basically, young childrens shortfalls to their parents are to follow their
advices as well as expected dreams, ambitions, and desires. On the other hand, some parents
fall short in providing their children the efficient, sufficient, and working foundations and
character blocks that supposedly should help young children grow responsibly. Good
character, as a basic pillar to establish a healthy society, is seemingly unachievable objective
particularly in areas or states wherein chaos and discord is consistent and inevitable. This
only implies why it is very important for parents to be more responsible in bringing up their
childreneducating and teaching their children on how to be morally and ethically upright to
prepare them to be good and effective citizens in the future (Rahim, 2013). A healthy

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development of young children is directly proportionate to healthy and progressive future and
in order to guarantee this, it is important to establish a healthy parent-child relationship that
nurtures both akhlaq and adab teachings of Islam.
The purpose of this research paper is to reflect on the teachings of Islam regarding
akhlaq or morality, and adab, or etiquette, and how these teachings help build an ideal family
relationship and an ideal society. It is true that there is a huge gap between the ideals of
people versus the reality of the society nowadays, but this does not mean that there is no way
to make or to influence changes for the betterment of the society and the people in general.
For example, just take the teachings of akhlaq and its application to the societythis
teaching suggests that each parent has a responsibility to teach their children how to be
virtuous, truthful, responsible, and moral to themselves and to people surrounding them. This
teaching suggests or implies that the society in general will change if such teachings will be
dutifully followed and implemented. This all boils down to the responsibility of parents and
the community in upbringing and teaching the younger generation about good characters,
moral decisions, ethical conducts and good habits that defines personality, way of life and
attitude regarding everything that matters in life (Rahim, 2013).
Akhlaq is defined as the practice of virtue and morality. Based on Islamic theology,
Akhlaq is a guiding philosophy that teaches and enables young Muslims to align their
characters and behaviors on the stated teachings of Quran. Prophet Muhammad believed that
it is important for the young people to learn about Allah because Allah is the ultimate being
that manifests no error (Gulen, 2009, p. 166). The Quran teaches the importance of
principles of good conduct and high morality. This is of vital importance to the growth and
development of a healthy society. Prophet Muhammad taught his followers that it is
important that this concept of Islamic teachings will be followed consistently in order to
secure the future of a healthy and effective Islamic religion. Following from the example set

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by Prophet Muhammad, his followers started to honor and devote themselves to this teaching
and doctrine of Islamic religion. Later on, this has become a tradition which has been passed
down from generations to generations (Gulen, 2009).
Applying the concept of good conduct and high morality in the current setup of the
society, this condition is challenging. Based from what teachings of Islam say child-parent
relationship should be the foundation of the characterization of the society. Learning starts
first at home. How a child respects his or her parents implies that such particular children will
be able to respect other people surrounding him or her. Also, as parents, it is very important
that children are provided with compassion, kindness, and love so that they will feel
appreciated, liked, and loved. These features of effective parent-child relationship not only
invests a better future wherein young people knows how to respect and honor the sacrifices of
adult but on the same time, works for the betterment and progress of everyone. Simple things
such as providing good names, good education, shelter, protection, and other necessities
should be a priority. But unfortunately, many parents nowadays fail to provide these things.
The characterization of todays generation is far from either Christian teachings or Islamic
doctrines. Most people nowadays care less on religious stuffs. Rather, they recognize that it is
more important to live freelybounded by no doctrines, teachings, or restrictions (Powell,
2012). In a society wherein freedom and liberty is defined literally, teachings such as good
conduct and high morality are almost hindsight. Theological applications that were meant to
guide people to become better and more effective individuals seem no longer plausible and
important. Young people nowadays gain solidarity that ignores the teachings of the olden
times and rather promote the lifestyle of modern generation (Powell, 2012). Understanding
what this implies in the doctrines, like Akhlaq and Adab, this only means that the
contemporary world is deteriorating in a way that it affects the moral and ethical growth of
young children or the newer generation. It is true that the society is progressing. However, the

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behavior of the people tends to become worse and unimaginable. Crimes rates are increasing
and war looms all over the place (Powell, 2012, p. 17).
This is the same with the teachings of Adab. Adab is associated to the context of
behavior. This is almost similar with Akhlaq except that Adab refers more to Islamic
etiquette. Adab is all about refinement, good manners, morals, decorum, humanness and
decency in characters, attitudes and personality of all the people (Kia, 2012). Compared to
Akhlaq which is more of emotional such as morality and ethics, Adab is more of an action
and how people practices having good morals and refined characters. Adab teaches Muslims
why it is important to live a life that is in accordance to the will of Allah. Adabs concept
suggests the idea of how people will be able to achieve a dignified and high integrity political
and social sphere which can result to an ideal society anyone dreams to acquire. Adab
prioritizes the need to have recouping cultural prestige which can only be obtained through
education and proper guidance (Kia, 2012). Based on the principles of Adab, good character
begins at homebegins from parents who are responsible enough to teach their young
children about good morals and right character so that as children, they too, will live
accordingly based from the wishes and commandments of Allah. Although Akhlaq implies
the need and importance of responsibility coming from the parents, it is Adabsdoctrine which
suggests the value and significance of parents participation in creating a new generation of
the young children that values good morals and refined character. Culturally and socially,
people are different from one another. Based on the principles and teachings of Akhlaq and
Adab, each individual has a responsibility to grow morally and ethically upright beings who
know what is right from wrong (Kia, 2012).
Based on my personal experience, good manners and good morals is definitely an
endangered virtue nowadays. It may be because most parents fail in their responsibility of
raising good children; children who behave properly whether in school, outside premises, or

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any public spaces. This is because most parents were not able to provide an effective parentchild relationshipa type of relationship wherein young children looks up to their parents as
the perfect example of being a gentleman, of being a good person, or of being someone other
people can always depend on. Parent-child relationship should be a manifestation of good
examples, good deeds, good learning, and good character formation. It is through parents
which young children first-hand learns how to be kind to others or how to be compassionate
to others. Simple things such as giving a seat to someone or offering food to those people
living in the streets is a direct result of parents being able to teach and influence their young
children on how to be kind and good to others. I once rode a train going home coming from a
very tiring day. There were a lot of activities that we have completed that day and I was really
dead tired when I boarded the train. I was hoping I could sit and rest my tired body, but
unfortunately, the train was full and there were no enough spaces so the passengers have to
squish themselves with one another. It was annoying, but there was nothing I could do about
it. After all, it was rush hour and many commuters were on their way home too.
I stood beside an old man, probably in his fifties or sixties. Supposedly, he should
have been given the priority to sit on the benches of the train, but there was no one who was
kind enough to offer him a seat. I looked at the old man and noticed that he was almost the
same like medead tired. Maybe, he was a laborer who worked earnestly in order to provide
food and money for his family. I felt pity on the old man and, at the same time, guilt. In order
to do something regarding the situation, I spoke with a young student who was seating
contentedly in front of melaughing with his fellow seated mates. I asked them if anyone of
them could offer a seat to the old man. Unfortunately, they replied no. It made me think what
kind of upbringing these children had and what crossed their mind as to why they could not
offer their seats to the old man.

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This suggests a perfect example of how the younger generation nowadays no longer
knows how to be a gentleman or to be kind to others or just simply give considerations to
those who really need help or assistance. It might be because their parent-child relationship
was not effective or good enough to enable them to be good or to be kind to others. When a
parent-child relationship is selfish or bound by jealousy, in most casesit enables young
children to manifest this behavior. Also, in some parent-child relationship wherein time is
always insufficient or attention is always lackingit creates young children who are
problematic, bully, or have behavioral problems. It made me conclude that so much have
changed since the last time I have learned how to be morally and ethically good person
basing from what my parents taught me as well as from parent-child relationship my parents
fostered. My parents did not fail to teach me how to have a good character and how to be
considerate to others. It pains me to see that most teens nowadays no longer know or no
longer possess these attributes and good qualities.
According to a study, because of the fast paced life most people have nowadays, most
people would rather believe that it is no longer needed to be very consistent with morality,
ethics, or refined behavior (Toguslu, 2011). There are even some people who think that these
details of human character and life are no longer needed in order to survive in the society.
Given this mentality that exists within the society, it is no longer hard to understand why
there is a dog eating dog situation that is happening all around the nation. People abuses the
kindness of others, while others prey on the weaknesses and ignorance of those innocent
ones. The society seems rotten in its core, which is why; it is very hard to initiate social
reformation and character transformation (Toguslu, 2011). The irony of this reality is that
there are many people who keep on saying that the world is no longer a better place and that
humans have become the evil that consumed the world. This is very hypocritical given that it
is the people themselves who have contributed to this trend and reality of the society. The gap

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between creating an ideal society and the reality is so wide which makes mitigating
resolutions almost impossible to succeed. There are so many challenges in todays word that
contributes to the increasing social problem of illicit behavior, immoral practices and
unethical actions that impact the society. These challenges are the reality that this world has
now. But it doesnt mean that there is no way of rectifying these things out. In every way or
circumstance, there is always a bright side to look upon. Basing from teachings of Islam,
every lesson, every teaching starts at home. Parents should dutifully work hard and earnestly
in order to teach their children good morals and right conduct. Parents should aim to establish
a healthy and working parent-child relationship that fosters sensibility and being responsible.
The community on the other hand should participate in a way of teaching young children how
to follow the standardize principles and norms set by the society. The society should see to it
that these young children are protected from exploitations or any harmful factors that might
affect a good parent-child relationship. Education system too should be one of the strongest
factors that influence these good character formations. Unless people will realize how heavy
this carries in impacting character formation and personality establishment, there will be no
changes no matter what actions or countermeasures will be made (Toguslu, 2011).
Conclusion
Akhlaq and Adab are both good points and good practices that the Islam Religion
teaches to its people. However, this concept would not mean anything if people will not
consistently and effectively follow it. Akhlaq and Adab teach one truth. In terms of creating a
better and more functional society, it is important to invest on the capabilities and qualities of
its future residentsthe new generation of todays society. Investing on their education,
knowledge and on their skills is one thing and investing on their attitude and behavior is
another thing. Unless parents will understand and realize how important their role is in this
investment, the future will never change. Based on my personal experiences, good character

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and refined etiquette is almost an ideal now. There are less and less people possessing these
good qualities. There are many atrocities and social problems existing within the society,
most of which involves young adults and teenagers. Unless nothing will be done regarding
this issue or unless parents will not act based on their responsibilities, all actions regarding
reformation will be futile.

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References
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