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Like a musical interlude, the present moment hovers between becoming the past and progressing into the future. Critical moments, for the
author, are moments in which the parties are fully in the present or
the now, caught in a pivotal space where any action, or even inaction, will change the destiny of the situation and the actors themselves.
It is a transformative journey, taken together, that starts with moment
of suspense, and traverses a landscape of emotion and intention where
a world of change becomes possible.
Negotiation Journal
April 2004
365
to occur during a moment that is not instantaneous, but also not parceled
out in time into sequential bits like the written notes. Rather it is a continuous, enduring, single, flowing whole, occurring during a now.
A musical phrase stands as a global entity that cannot be divided up
without losing its gestalt. You cannot take the equivalent of a photograph
of a heard musical phase as it passes. It is not a summary of the notes that
make it up. It takes its form only over time. The mind imposes a form on
the phrase as it unfolds. The melodic and/or rhythmic line is grasped while
it passes. In fact, its possible endings are intuited before the phrase is completed, while it is still unfolding. That is to say, the future (as well as the
immediate past which is still echoing) is implied at each instant of
the phrases journey through the present moment. It is an example of the
philosopher Edmund Husserls tri-partate present: the past of the present
(retention); the present instant; and the future of the present (protention),
all occurring in a subjectively coherent now.
The same happens during interactions. The moves of the interaction
are the phrases, making up each present moment. The same will apply to
interactions that are composed of phrase-like groupings in verbal and nonverbal behavior seen in ordinary life, psychotherapy, and any negotiation,
dyadic or with a group.
To view the present moment, a different sense of the flow of time is
needed. The ancient Greeks conceived of a subjective stretch of time in
which events demanded action or were propitious for action. They called
this kairos. Kairos is a moment in which events come together and meet,
and the meeting comes into awareness as a coherent aggregate such that
intentional action must be taken now to alter your destiny. If no action is
taken, your destiny will be changed anyway, but differently, because you
did not act. It is a small time window of opportunity for action or inaction
relative to a situation. Kairos also means the coming into being of a new
state of things. One of the origins of the word comes from shepherds watching the stars. As the night progresses and the stars turn in the sky, they
appear to rise and then fall against the horizon. The moment during the
night when a star has reached its apogee and appears to change direction
from ascending to descending that is its kairos.
Every present moment is a critical moment; some more, some less so.
And every critical moment is a moment of kairos. This is because every
moment creates the context in which the next moment will take place. And
the immediate context is crucial in determining the direction and final form
of what will happen. In other words, each present moment influences the
destiny of where things will go next. And the next moment will serve as
the context for the moment that follows, and so on. Perhaps what determines how critical a moment is, is how far into the future its context will
remain active in influencing the moments that follow. There are moments
of kairos with a big K or a small one.
Negotiation Journal
April 2004
367
Sloppiness would be of little value if it did not occur within a cocreative process. Both the sloppiness and its repair or unexpected usage are
the product of minds working together to maximize coherence. (If moving
along or negotiating could follow a straight predictable line there would be
no need to negotiate.) Along with other unplanned emergent events, sloppiness and cocreation bring into being the surprise discoveries that push
the negotiation to its uniqueness. Potentially, they are among its most creative elements. These elements had no previous existence even in a latent
form. They arise from the negotiating process. This is why in a psychotherapeutic dialogue, sloppiness creates something that needs to be
lived through and used rather than understood and analyzed. Its psychodynamic relevance may be minimal because it is mainly a product of the
present interaction, and less the result of a reactivated past. Similarly, in a
negotiation each step is more the result of the immediately prior interactive moment than of the original negotiating strategy.
Moving along can lead to sudden dramatic therapeutic changes (or
shifts in a negotiation) by way of now momentsand moments of meeting.
The intersubjective field gets suddenly reorganized at key present moments.
This occurs when the current state of implicit relational knowledge is
sharply thrown into question and basic implicit assumptions about the
relationship are placed at stake.
These moments capture the essence of kairos. A new state is coming
into being or threatening to do so, with consequences for the future. There
is novelty and an upset, as well as a mounting emotional charge. The
situation emerges unexpectedly and something must be done (including
the option of doing nothing). This confluence of elements results in the
emergence of a now moment.
Suppose that a patient has been in psychoanalytic therapy on the
couch for a few years and has expressed concern from time to time that
she does not know what the therapist is doing back there sleeping,
knitting, making faces. Then one morning without warning the patient lying
on the couch says, I want to sit up and see your face. And with no
further ado, she sits up and turns around. The patient and therapist find
themselves staring at each other in startled silence.
That is a now moment. The patient did not know she was going to do
it; certainly not that day, that moment, in that way. It was a spontaneous
eruption. Nor did the therapist anticipate it, just then, in that way. However,
now they find themselves in a novel interpersonal and intersubjective
situation. Kairos hangs heavy.
When such a major emergent property declares itself, it immediately
occupies the center stage. A now moment is so called because there is an
immediate sense that the existing intersubjective field is threatened, that an
important change in the relationship is possible (for good or ill), and that
the pre-existing nature of the relationship has been put on the table for
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April 2004
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the therapy resumes its process of moving along, but does so in a newly
expanded intersubjective field that allows for different possibilities.
It is essential to add that this moment of meeting, in the previous
example, was never fully discussed until years later when the patient said
in passing that the Hello was a nodal point in her therapy. It made her
realize at some implicit level that her analyst was on her side and truly
open to her. For her, it changed their relationship. However, this moment
was not verbalized at the time, nor was it ever interpreted during the treatment. It had worked its magic implicitly.
The moment of meeting is one of the key events in bringing about
change. A moment of meeting creates an experience with another that is
personally undergone, that is, actually lived through in the present. When
this is done by two or more people, I call the experience a shared feeling
voyage. It is a kind of journey, lasting seconds, taken by two or more
people, roughly together, through time and space.
During a shared feeling voyage (which is the moment of meeting) two
people traverse together through a feeling landscape as it unfolds in real
time. The present moment is also a lived emotional story with a beginning,
middle, and end. During this several-second journey, the participants ride
the crest of the present instant as it crosses the span of the present moment,
from its horizon of the past to its horizon of its future. As they move, they
pass through a microemotional narrative-like landscape with its hills and
valleys of affects, along its river of intentionality, which runs throughout,
and over its peak of dramatic crisis. It is a voyage taken as the present
unfolds. A passing subjective landscape is created that makes up a world in
a grain of sand.
Although this shared voyage lasts only for the seconds of a moment of
meeting, that is enough. It has been lived through together. The participants
have created a shared private world. And having entered that world, they
find that when they leave it, their relationship is changed. There has been
a discontinuous leap. The border between order and chaos has been
redrawn. Coherence and complexity have been enlarged. They have created
an expanded intersubjective field that opens up new possibilities of ways
of being with one another. They are changed and they are linked differently
from having changed one another.
Shared feeling voyages are so simple and natural, yet very hard to
explain or even talk about. We need another language that is steeped in temporal dynamics. This is paradoxical because these experiences provide the
nodal moments in our lives. Shared feeling voyages are one of lifes most
startling yet normal events, when our interpersonal world is changed in
either a small step or a leap. In psychotherapy they are often the moments
most remembered years later, those that most changed the course of
therapy.
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April 2004
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