ASSERTIVE

Definition
-

Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you
express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the
rights and beliefs of others. Being assertive can also help boost your self-esteem and
earn others' respect.
is based on mutual respect, it's an effective and diplomatic communication style. Being
assertive shows that you respect yourself because you're willing to stand up for your
interests and express your thoughts and feelings. It also demonstrates that you're aware
of the rights of others and are willing to work on resolving conflicts.

Characteristics

High Self Esteem, Confident

Earn respect from others
Creates win-win situation
Creates honest relationships
Non judgemental

Verbal Expressions

The use of the word I to let others know what youre thinking without sounding accusatory
What alternatives do we have?
What are my options?

Non verbal
-

Good posture, open natural gestures

Acts confident
Regular eye contact
Neutral or positive facial expression
Dont use dramatic gestures
Warm, welcoming and friendly

People on the receiving end feel that

-

They can take the person at their words

They know where they stand with the person
The person can cope with justified criticism and accept compliments
Respect for the person

Passive

General

Compliant,
submissive, talks
little, vague noncommittal
communication, puts
self down, praises
others

I dont mindthats
fine.yes alright

Beliefs

Youre okay, Im not

Has no opinion other
than that the other
person/s are always
more important, so it
doesnt matter what
they think anyway

Assertive

Actions and
expressions fit with
words spoken, firm
but polite and clear
messages, respectful
of self and others

Thats a good idea,

and how about if we
did this too or I
can see that, but Id
really like...

Im okay, youre
okay
Believes or acts as if
all the individuals
involved are equal,
each deserving of
respect, and no more
entitled than the
other to have things
done their way

Aggressive

Sarcastic, harsh,
always right, superior,
know it all, interrupts,
talks over others,
critical, put-downs,
patronising,
disrespectful of others

This is what were

doing, if you dont like
it, tough

Im okay, youre not

Believe they are
entitled to have things
done their way, the
way they want it to be
done, because they
are right, and others
(and their needs) are
less important

Eyes

Avoids eye contact,

looks down, teary,
pleading

Warm, welcoming,
friendly, comfortable
eye contact

Narrow, emotion-less,
staring,
expressionless

Posture

Makes body smaller

stooped, leaning,
hunched shoulders

Relaxed, open,
welcoming

Makes body bigger

upright, head high,
shoulders out, hands
on hips, feet apart

Hands

Together, fidgety,
clammy

Open, friendly and

appropriate gestures

Pointing fingers,
making fists,
clenched, hands on
hips

Consequences

Give in to others,
dont get what we
want or need, selfcritical thoughts,
miserable

Good relationships
with others, happy
with outcome and to
compromise

Make enemies, upset

others and self, feel
angry and resentful

CONTROLLER also known as the D or Drivers

Definition
-

The controller is easy to spot because they just want the facts and nothing but the facts. They
are perceived as bossy and insensitive. They are also goal oriented and their major
motivation is getting things done.
An attitude of Well figure it out as we go.
Also known as Drivers seldom listen to others around them, focusing on the task
at hand. Only need to know what, usually can figure out how and why.

Characteristics
-

efficient and businesslike

Accomplishment oriented
Result and control oriented
Type A personality
Bossy
Firm and unyielding in relationships

Controller. The controller is a doer. He leads others and is often the driving force within an
organization. He is characterized by an emphasis on action and results. He is like the alpha dog who
must lead the pack. Because he places high standards on himself and others, he is likely to be seen
as constructively impatient and a tireless worker.
When communicating or working with the typical controller, be prepared to move fast and to be tested.
Expect the controller to argue, interrupt, disagree, raise his voice, and challenge your thoughts. Keep
in mind that this behavior is not an attack on you. It isnt personal; it is just the way he or she is.

How to adapt to a controller?

Heres how to adjust your communication style when working with the Controller. Get to the
point quickly. Give them the broad outline, not the details. Anticipate objections and be ready
to solve problems on the spot. The good news about this style is that they will generally make
decisions quickly, and wont change their minds or have buyers remorse. Let them feel that
they are in charge at all times and theyll be happy.

Communication is effective if it flows freely in a communication loop between the sender(s) and
receiver(s). Free flow means uninterrupted transmission of the information / the message through an
appropriate medium, correct comprehension of the message by the receiver and a relevant and
appropriate feedback from him. Misunderstanding, Irrelevant response and undesirable reactions are
the consequences of a failed communication exercise. Failure of effective communication results in
loss of valuable time, resource, material and even life. You know that in an authoritarian set up, be it a
state or a business or even a family, communication is unidirectional and is so fragile that it would
snap anytime leading to irreparable damage. Though these may be indirect results of communication
failure, an effective channel of communication could have reduced the damage. When we say that
some one has an open mind, we mean that he is transparent and receptive which in turn means that
he is flexible and not rigid. All these characteristics are related to the mental make-up and
communication style of the individual. Barriers to communications range from the simple distracting
noises to the most complex psychological factors. These barriers may cause a simple communication
gap or a total failure of communication. A communication gap can be bridged but retrieval of a
situation, damaged by miscommunication would be rather difficult.
I.

Environmental and Physical barriers:

(a) Time adopt appropriate fast channels of communication

(b) Space maintain the distance in the communication exercise as determined by the situation
(c) Place Avoid overcrowded incommodious and ill-lit, ill- ventilated places to achieve effective
communication
(d) Medium Choose the appropriate medium oral / written (sign (audio/visual) medium.
II.
Semantic Barriers:
Connotational meanings of words Choose the correct and precise word depending on
context and the receivers felicity in the use of language.

Semantic barriers are usually either denotative or connotative. In denotative barriers,

sender and receiver disagree about the straight definition of a word or phrase, often
without knowing it. The word bimonthly is an example.

A connotative barrier includes how a word is meant in a particular context. For example,
someone might describe a game as simple. Generally, both sender and receiver agree
on the straight definition of the word, but the sender of the message might mean the

game was a little slow and boring where the receiver might think he means it was fun and
easy.
-

Another example of a semantic barrier is technical language. Different industries tend to

use different terms in different ways. Unless everyone working at a particular company
knows what a particular term means, miscommunication often results due to the
semantic barrier. After all, there are often many different people from different fields
working in the same company, such as engineers, psychologists and biomedical
scientists.

III.
Cultural Barriers:
Understand and accept the cultural variations in individuals and groups. Appreciate
them and adopt your communication style to them.
-

In the context of globalization and free trade, business communication has to cut across
different cultural identities. These invariably cause cultural barriers that have to be overcome.
The relaxed and leisurely pace of the Easteners, the formal and official style of the Britishers,
the casual and matter-of fact nature of the Americans, the thorough nature of the Germans
and the extreme courtesy and politeness of expression of the French are all cultural features.
It is easy for an American to give his opinion even to his boss whereas decisions and opinions
are seldom expressed in the presence of elders and seniors in the East. To overcome any
cultural barrier to effective communication one has to possess an understanding of the culture
of the receiver(s) / decoder. Even in body language there are variations. If a Filipino smiles,
they say he is angry. The loop formed by tip of the thumb and index finger is a signal of
agreement in North America but an obscenity in the Southern states.

IV.
Psychological Barriers:
Try to understand the receivers mental make up and attitudes.
-

V.

Communication is an activity dependent on the flexible nature of the participants.

Unfortunately the world is made naughty with rigid, inflexible and prejudiced attitudes. We
will send or receive a message and react / respond to it only if we feel that the person who
communicates has credibility. Our reaction and response depend on our attitude to the source
of information. The sender should consider the receivers view point as the receiver should
over come his bias against the sender to overcome attitudinal barriers. The information /
message should be favourable to the receiver to respond / react to it. Even bad news /
unfavourable information could be communicated to the receiver without causing shock or
heartburn. Communication exercise is affected by the values opinions and attitudes of the
sender and the receiver in a given context. The reaction / response to an unfavourable
information / truncated message from a source lacking credibility will always fall short of the
expectation and fail to provide the necessary feedback to the sender.
Perception of Reality:

Try to understand the different levels of perceptions of a situation and an issue. Be

open, flexible and transparent.