COUPLES ADVICE MANUAL VERSION 2.

2
Aug 2011
INDEX
Prologue
Introduction
Marriage is a covenant
The difference between a man and a woman
Selfishness and pride; overcoming weaknesses
Responsibilities for the man and the woman
Communication
Finances
Sexual intimacy in marriage
Educating our kids with success
The languages of love
The healthy marriage

Prologue
Imagine: Since you were born you dreamed of being an architect some day, and you grow with
that target, you dream of big buildings, projects, even you start making your own drawings of
different possible houses you were born to be an architect. So you have your elementary
school, middle and high school and college always dreaming about your future career, and one
day after you complete college, you arrive at the University and you say I want to be an
architect, the clerk gives you a bunch of paper work, forms to fill out, to sign, you complete
all the paper work and on that very moment, you get a certificate that Says: You are now an
Architect Do you think that you will be a successful architect? I understand that you have
all the passion and desire on your heart to do it, but, seriously, do you think you will succeed
without learn that there is much more than just drawings to be an architect?

Most of us go into marriage after the experience of falling in love. We meet someone whose
physical attributes and personality produces in us an electrical shock that activates our love
alarm system and immediately we put into action the process of getting to know that person.

The courtship begins and we start sharing time together, holding hands, the first kiss, telephone
calls, long nights thinking about each other, high hopes and dreams, etc. and then we begin to
feel the need to share our lives. Our dreams before marriage are for a marital bliss. Its hard to
believe another thing when we are in love. We dont believe anything bad someone tells us
about our honey. Thats because we are very convinced that the person we love feels the
same and will never do anything to hurt us.
Why love fades away in marriage?
Then, why 2 people who pledged eternal love, tend to hurt each other to the point of hatred?
Some studies say the average time of the romantic obsession is 2 years. However, as time
passes, we get down from cloud nine and put our feet down on earth. Its at that moment we
start to notice the other persons faults. Those little negative things that we didnt care to see
about our mate when we were first in love, we see them now as huge mountains. We start to
notice the differences. Little by little the emotion of intimacy is gone, and our yearns, needs,
emotions and our individual thoughts, start to separate and the relationship deteriorates. If you
dont find a solution to these situations, love starts to fade away and the moment comes when
www.atlastfree.com

you dont want anything with that other person. Often we hurt each other so much that we end
up with feelings of hate.
Researchers came to the conclusion that falling in love cannot be called love for these 3
reasons:
a) Its not an act of free will
b) Does not require effort
c) You are not really interested in the personal growth of your partner
For these reasons, after the experience of falling in love, many ask themselves: Why did we
marry? We hardly agree on anything! This generates a crossroad. Continue with my marriage
or jump off the ship? Sadly, statistics tell us 55% jump off the ship the first time, 65% 2nd
marriages and 75% third time.
This book will help you to better understand what marriage is all about and how to handle your
difficulties with success, so that your family will consolidate in the true love that will keep you
together and happy forever.

INTRODUCTION

This manual has been created with the purpose of helping married couples discover and
practice the life principles that are in the Bible, in accordance with the Creator and
Designer of marriage. It complements with the modern scientific concepts of human
behavior and from married couples experiences, who have accomplished success in
their relationships; this is to give you a well balanced textbook of Biblical rules,
scientific and personal experiences.
You will learn the basis of marriage, how to face your crisis, how to strengthen your
relationships and how to enjoy your mate to the fullest.
The success of your marriage depends on your disposition to put into practice all of the
concepts in this booklet. We invite you to give the best of yourselves, and take this
seminar very seriously.
Its your responsibility to do each chapters homework, and ask your facilitators if you
have any doubts with any of the concepts or commentaries.
www.atlastfree.com

If you have serious problems in your marriage, we urge you that as you take this
seminar, you seek Pastoral advice with an experienced spiritual leader with knowledge
on this subject.
To start this seminar with a good disposition, we invite you couples to hold your hands
and commit yourselves before God and the rest of us to give the best of yourselves to
participate with comments and questions, to do the homework and put into practice what
we are learning for the benefit of your relationship and your family.
We wish you much success in this 10 week journey that will change your marriage
radically and will provide you with the necessary tools so that you can enjoy your
marriage to the fullest and in a way you can live in peace with your spouse and family,
together, happy and forever.

www.atlastfree.com

Chapter 1

Marriage is a Covenant
What is marriage? Who designed it? What is its purpose?
Marriage is a special relationship between 2 people. It is not a blood relationship as the
one we have with our family, or the relationship we have with our friends, or peers or
the powerful and affective relation we have with our kids. This is a pact relationship!
Attraction and passion are the only bonds that unites a couple at the beginning of their
relationship but we know that this is not enough to keep them together. It means this
relationship needs a stronger bond to hold it permanently and attain its goal.
God, the creator of all things, designed and established matrimony.
Gen. 2:24

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and they will become one flesh.
Mal. 2:14

You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and
the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your
partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
The bond that sustains a marriage is the commitment in which God is involved. For this
reason, during the nuptial ceremony, you both agree before God to fulfill and obey the
covenant, to take care of each other, to love each other in prosperity or adversity, in
sickness and in health, taking whatever life brings together till death do you part.
Whats the purpose of matrimony?
God created the human being to have a family in Gods image.
Gen. 2:18

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper
suitable for him."

www.atlastfree.com

Gen. 1:27

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male
and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and
increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."
God decided it was not good for man to live by himself on planet Earth and created a
helper suitable for him. He established that the purpose of marriage is the union of a
man and a woman, that they develop a relationship so as to multiply the human race, and
at the same time enjoying themselves spiritually, emotionally and physically.

We already know that the romantic obsession that started the marriage lasts a maximum
of 2 years as per the experts. The question is, does love really die? Is love a feeling or
an emotion? Write your answer and comment.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
1Cor 13:4-7 Tells us the real meaning of love. It says:
1 Cor. 13: 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
5

Everything the Bible teaches us in what we just read, is that love is a mass of decisions
in favor of the person that we love. It is not something that we have to feel! Its for that
reason that God orders us to love. If it were a feeling, or an emotion, God could not
order us to do it.
Passion, attraction and romance, those are feelings and emotions. These 3 elements
generally are present at the beginning of a relationship. These 3 can die, but not love,
because love is a decision.
Its interesting, that when we decide to love by decision, those elements will prevail as
long as we stay true to that decision. If the decision is for life, the passion, the romance
and the joy of being together will stay forever. How does this happen? Because the

www.atlastfree.com

genuine or real decision to love is always focused on the other person benefit and not
in ours.
The marriage covenant is a love pact, tolerance and respect for the spouse, accepting
him/her as they are and always looking for their well being.
When conflicts arise in marriage, we must focus in the solution of the problem and not
in who is to blame. Divorce is not a solution; it means breaking the covenant we made
to God and accepting a failure that brings heavy consequences to the family. If you
cannot solve the conflict, you must look for help with a capable spiritual leader.
When analyzing the basis of the marriage covenant, we come to the conclusion that this
is a pact by a free and mutual decision and for it to comply with its objectives, it requires
the man to take care of the happiness and well being of the woman instead of his own;
likewise the woman must take care of the happiness and well being of her man before
her own.
Who establishes the rules?
Our designer and creator left us a manual with all the rules for marriage. The world has
established different rules and sadly most of the families are following those rules. For
example: God says virginity before marriage is a virtue, however, the world says there
is nothing wrong in pre-marital sexual relations. God says marriage is till death do us
part; the world says that divorce is an acceptable solution. The world says there are
unforgivable actions but God says that if we dont forgive, we will not be forgiven.
Whom are we going to obey? The moral and spiritual deterioration in our culture is not
by coincidence; its the outcome of a world that decided to function in accordance with
their own ideas instead of Gods plan for the family.
Structural appointed authority:
1 Cor. 11:3

Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of
the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
1 Cor. 11:8-10

For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; 9neither was man
created for woman, but woman for man. 10For this reason, and because of the angels,
the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.
Gal3:28

There is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

www.atlastfree.com

In these passages of the Bible, it tells us that as Jesus is the same as the Father, so are
women the same as men; but there is a difference in each others functions.
Before God we are equally important. We are both equally worthy to Him. But it is
very important that only one leads. God gave man the responsibility of governing the
home. This means, a man is supposed to lead, guide and teach his family in the proper
path of life. A woman was designated to be a suitable helper for her husband so that he
could accomplish his mission. This doesnt imply an abusive power permit, but a
responsibility to guide, lead, take care of and protect his family. Because of this
responsibility, the man should be more consecrated to God than the woman.

Basis for the marital covenant

The marriage unity is established in 3 areas:
Spiritual Emotional Physical
The foundation for this unity consists of the disposition of both spouses to build a home
based primarily in life spiritual principles and cultivating an emotional and deep
relationship; in that order. It was established like that by the Designer and Creator of
marriage, because its the only way to have a strong and healthy relationship so that it
serves its purpose and you can enjoy it to the fullest.
You must have God in your relationship:
Jer. 17:7-8

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. 8
He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does
not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of
drought and never fails to bear fruit." Ec. 14:12 A cord of three strands is not quickly torn
apart.
Most marriages ignore God in their relationship and that is why most of the problems
start. God wants to be the center of that union, he wants to be that powerful third strand
that sustains the bond between you two; but you both have to decide on it.
Its imperative that you both assist to the same church with your kids. Its fundamental
that you both read the Word of God together, pray together and that you model to your
kids a life of spiritual principles. Make your home a place where your family gets
together in harmony to share and give thanks to God.
www.atlastfree.com

Our conduct is the result of our relationship with God; therefore our human weaknesses
like anger, irritability, arrogance and pride, are easier to control when we strengthen our
spiritual relation with Him.
If you dont develop spiritual unity in your marriage, its very difficult to agree in your
intimate and emotional areas. When your relation is based in these last two areas, its
like walking on quick sand.
The emotional unity is the result of a mutual decision of considering the needs of your
mate more than your own. To attain this you must grow spiritually
The intimate union is the sexual relationship resulting from the spiritual and emotional
unity. Any lack of unity in the emotional and physical area you can conquer, if you
achieve a spiritual unity.
What can we do to obtain a complete unity in marriage?
1. Develop the practice of praying together. This will help you to be more patient, to
smooth your positions and to be more sincere in your relationship. It will help to
conquer pride and selfishness and to forgive each other with ease. It will
strengthen your emotional relations and helps to make better decisions.
2. To truthfully live the life principles that God teaches us. Know and put into
practice those principles, it will help us to obtain the purpose of marriage and
enjoy it to the maximum like God designed it.
3. Determine to love with sacrifice and tolerance:
1 Cor. 13: 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
5

This is the ideal love description. Its very difficult to accomplish, but as we mature
spiritually, we acquire more capacity to live with this kind of love and enjoy the best
of what life has to offer.
The love we have for our mate should be of sincere submission so as to love with
sacrifice, over our own needs and desires. We must remember that our most
important mission in marriage is to make our spouse happy.

www.atlastfree.com

4. Practice kindness and mutual understanding

1 Pet. 3:8-9

To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted,

and humble in spirit; 9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a
blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a
blessing.
Those characteristics are a consequence of your decision to love. These virtues
induce us to give of ourselves not taking into consideration the other persons defects,
weaknesses and the way we are treated. Its to do things not because the other person
deserves it but as an act of obedience and to please God.
5. Have good communications
This is not fighting or yelling. Its to open your heart in an atmosphere of tolerance
and mutual understanding, expressing our feelings and not looking for whos guilty.
Later on we will review a chapter on communication.
6. Acknowledge our mistakes
Learn to recognize when we are wrong. When we do this, our families will admire
us more. There are lots of emotionally wounded wives because their husbands never
accepted they were wrong.
7. Learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness
Col. 3:12-14

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart
of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one
another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as
the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14Beyond all these things put on love,
which is the perfect bond of unity.
There are husbands and wives that never ask for forgiveness or forgive as God
teaches us to do; these are the consequences of pride.
Exercise:
Answer all questions individually.
1. What is the marriage covenant about as learned?
www.atlastfree.com

10

____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
2. Who must exercise the authority in a marriage? And why?
____________________________________________________________________
3. What does a unified marriage consist of? Are you willing to put it into practice in
your marriage? _____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Mutual Agreement:
At this moment the couple will hold their hands and ask for forgiveness (starting with
the man) for all the times that you have hurt each other and for not respecting the
marriage covenant.
Afterwards, each couple must make an oral and public commitment to fulfill the
covenant and to try harder to learn and put into practice the principles you are
learning with the objective of beginning a new life in marriage.
COMMIT TO PRAYING TOGETHER EVERYDAY FROM NOW ON

www.atlastfree.com

11

CHAPTER 2
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
Men and Women are very different in many ways; i.e. physically, emotionally,
temperamentally, and culturally.
Many times we dont understand why the husband or the wife does things that we
perceive as incorrect. To know more in detail the differences between both will help
you understand each other better and considerably improve your relationship.
PHYSICAL DIFFERENCES
Men
1. Bigger bones
2. More blood
3. Broader shoulders
4. Physically stronger
5. Deeper tone of voice
6. Man concentrates his thoughts
in a hemisphere of his brain
that makes him more logical.

Women
1. Smaller bones
2. Less Blood
3. Broader hips
4. Less strength
5. Sharper tone of voice
6. Woman use both hemispheres
and that makes her more intuitive.

Men are more logical; while women are more intuitive.

EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES
The woman is
More intuitive. She has a spiritual radar to decipher things. When a problem is about to
arise she has the capacity of detecting the problem and anticipating it.
More sensitive to the problems and necessities of others.
Enjoys sexuality in a different way; it is through an internal necessity that is stimulated
by romanticism, intimacy, delicacy, tenderness and listening to beautiful words. She is
more communicative. According to studies, she speaks 25,000 words per day.
The man is:

www.atlastfree.com

12

More logical and analytical in making decisions; because he takes into account
reasoning and logic.
Less sensitive, which allows him to balance more objectively situations.
Enjoys sexuality differently, by an external act or an external necessity. He is captivated
mostly through his sense of sight.
Is less communicative.
Which one of the differences, either physical or emotional has captured your attention
and why? Write down and discuss your response.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
The sense of personality of the man is defined
according to his capacity in obtaining results.
The sense of personality in a woman is defined
through her sentiments and the quality of her relationships.
BACKGROUND OF A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP
The people who decide to unite in marriage need to understand that they come from
different families, and many times from different cultures. Truly understanding this will
help to comprehend better some behaviors or habits of the spouse. For this reason,
knowing each other roots is very important. When one knows their partners family
lifestyle, one can have a good idea of the way the partner thinks, their life habits, and
their way of facing circumstances. The patterns of conduct of each person are
determined by the way they were raised, which means that your partner probably
behaves similar to the way they behaved with their own family. For this reason, people
that live, for example, in dysfunctional homes, will find it difficult to have a functional
lifestyle. It is also important to be aware of past experiences with the sole purpose of
knowing and understanding each other better during times of conflict within the
marriage.
Patterns of conduct that originated from difficult experiences, or as a consequence of
genetic inheritance, or from the surroundings that we grew up in, can be modified when

www.atlastfree.com

13

we learn correct life principles that will help us understand better the marriage
relationship and how to handle it with wisdom.
We also need to understand that our inherited patterns of conduct or those inherited by
our spouse, are not deliberate acts to mortify each other, but moreover are involuntary
consequences of our spiritual and emotional inheritance.

FUNDAMENTAL NECESSITIES OF THE WOMAN:

1. To Feel Loved.
God, through the Bible, instructs man to love his wife; because, this is a fundamental
necessity for her. In order for a woman to feel loved, she needs to be heard, she needs
fidelity, support, sincerity, comprehension, attention, care and direction from her
husband.
2. To Feel Secure.
In the depths of her heart, a woman searches at all costs to feel secure, specifically in her
values, her home and economically. The motivation that a woman searches for is in her
home, because there is where she feels secure and protected; that is why she likes to
decorate and fix her home.
FUNDAMENTAL NECESSITIES OF THE MAN:
1. To Feel Respected.
The man needs the respect of his family. One of mans greatest fears is being
disrespected, especially within his home by his wife or his children. Respecting him
signifies honoring him and recognizing him as the leader of the home. Every woman
should support her husband, work alongside him, but not work in his place.
2. To Feel Admired.
The man needs to feel admired by his wife, for the work he has, for his capabilities and
above all for being the head of the home.
When the man feels respected and admired as the leader of the home, he will fulfill
better his conjugal role.

www.atlastfree.com

14

What is your opinion of the different necessities of each? Comment on this.

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
What is the purpose of being different?
To compliment each other. In general, the weakness of one is the strength of the other
and vice versa. By this means, mother nature unites us through a natural attraction of
complimenting each others lives. Some couples do not make good use of the benefit of
being different. We are not referring to being the adversary of the spouse, but more like
being a compliment, to balance the focus and the vision of life and to better enjoy it.

THE TEMPERAMENTS
Temperament is the combination of characters with which we are born with, and that
subconsciously affects human behavior. It is based on the disposition of the genes at the
moment of conception, just like physical, emotional and mental traits.
Temperaments can not be changed, and just like digital prints, they are a part of our
being that identifies who we are forever.
Nothing enforces a more powerful influence over our human behavior than our
temperament; however, it is not the only thing. Our education, our parents modeling in
our early years and our culture, are also powerful influences over our behavior.
Temperament allows a person, for example, to be open and extraverted, or timid and
introverted. Likewise, temperament allows some people to be enthused in art and music,
while others concentrate in sports or in industrial jobs. All temperaments are necessary
in life, because they respond quite directly to the variety of functions and jobs in our
society.
Blessed is the man that understands that God made him just the way he is, and God
desires to use him in that form also. God had a plan for our lives when we were
conceived and will use all circumstances in our lives to mold us and convert us in the
person that He desires we become, if we allow Him to do that.

www.atlastfree.com

15

All temperaments have strengths and weaknesses.

Understanding your
spouse's temperament will make it easier to understand his/her behavior and mutually
help in each other weak areas. Specifically, this weakness allows us to understand how
much we need God.
In general, spouses have different temperaments, which is correct since they compliment
each other and for that reason it is important to know your own temperament.
If we are spiritually weak, it is highly probable that the weakest areas of our
temperament will govern our lives. However, although no one can change their
temperament, spiritual growth will give us the capacity to control those weak areas and
give the impression of having changed.
That is why a man or a woman, who becomes weak in their relationship with God, tends
to have their weak temperaments manifested. This is another utmost important reason to
understand that only by keeping in a constant relationship with God we can maintain our
temperaments under control.

Temperament, character and personality.

Temperament is the combination of characteristics that we are born with; character is
our civilized temperament; and personality is nothing more than "our face", which we
show others.
Character denotes the real me. The Bible refers to this as "the man hiding from the
heart". It is the result of a modified temperament by instruction, education, basic
attitudes, beliefs, principles and motivations received in childhood. It is comprised of
the mind, the emotions and the will power.
Personality is the person's external expression, which may or may not be the same as the
character, depending on how genuine we are. Frequently, personality is an agreeable
mask that covers our disagreeable or weak characteristics.
Many people spend their lives pretending to be the person they think they should be, or
the person they want others to see, instead of acting the way they really are. This has an
origin in our need to be accepted.

www.atlastfree.com

16

We are different, and we need to learn to accept and respect each other, and to enjoy the
differences of each person, because God planned it to be that way.
Continued herein we will provide you with a scientific analysis, designed for you to
make your own auto analysis, and so you can determine your own temperaments.
You need to complete the following instructions:
Read the four words that are written horizontally and place a 4 on the word that you
identify yourself with the most and continue in that order 3, 2, and 1 being the word you
least identify yourself with. You cannot repeat any numbers per row.
Add the numbers at the end of each column and later add the sums of both, top and
bottom columns and place the grand total at the bottom. The columns with the higher
number will determine the temperament that is dominant in you.
We expect you to be absolutely sincere in answering in order to obtain a precise result.
Later read the characteristics of each temperament on the following sheets. Ask your
facilitator if you need assistance.
After obtaining the results of your temperament, read with your spouse the common
characteristics of each temperament. Then you will be able to know why each of you is
the way you are. It is a natural process and this will enable you to understand and help
each other.
TABLE TO EVALUATE TEMPERAMENTS

ANIMATED
PLAYFUL
SOCIABLE
CONVINCING
ENTHUSIASTIC
SENSITIVE
ACTIVIST
SPONTANEOUS
OPTIMISTIC
FUNNY
ENCHANTING
HAPPY
INSPIRER
WARM
CORDIAL

www.atlastfree.com

STRONG AREAS
ADVENTUROUS
ANALYTICAL
PERSUASIVE
PERSISTENT
DECISIVE
SACRIFICED
COMPETITIVE
CONSIDERATE
CREATIVE
RESPECTFUL
SELF-SUFFICIENT
ENERGETIC
POSITIVE
PLANIFIER
SECURE
PUNCTUAL
OPEN
ORGANIZED
DOMINANT
FAITHFUL
DARING
DETAILED
CONFIDENT
CULTURED
INDEPENDENT
IDEALISTIC
DECISIVE
PROFOUND
INSTIGATOR
MUSICAL

ADAPTABLE
CALM
SUBMISSIVE
CONTROLLED
RESERVED
CONTENT
PATIENT
QUIET
ATTENTIVE
FRIENDLY
DIPLOMATIC
CONSISTENT
INOFFENSIVE
DRY HUMOR
RECONCILER

17

TALKATIVE
LIVELY
ADORABLE
POPULAR
CHEERFUL
SUBTOTAL:

BOISTEROUS
UNDISCIPLINED
REPETITIVE
FORGETFUL
INTERRUPTS
UNPREDICTABLE
CARELESS
NEGLIGENT
GET MAD EASILY
NAVE
EGOCENTRIC
TALKER
DISORGANIZED
INCONSISTENT
DISORDERLY
SHOWFUL
EMOTIONAL
RECKLESS
RESTLESS
VOLUBLE

TENACIOUS
LEADER
BOSS
PRODUCTIVE
BOLD

CONSIDERATE
LOYAL
ORGANIZED
PERFECTIONIST
GOOD BEHAVING

WEAK AREAS
BOSSY
TIMID
DISAGREEABLE
RELENTLESS
RESENTFUL
RESISTANT
UNPRUDENT
DEMANDING
IMPATIENT
INSECURE
UNAFFECTIONATE
UNPOPULAR
STUBBORN
HARD TO PLEASE
PROUD
PESSIMIST
ARGUMENTATIVE
UNMOTIVATED
NERVOUS
NEGATIVE
WORKAHOLIC
ABSORBED
INDISCREET
SUSCEPTIBLE
HARSH
DEPRESSED
INTOLERANT
INTROVERTED
MANIPULATOR
TEMPERMENTAL
HARD-HEADED
SKEPTICAL
PREPOTENT
SOLIDARITY
ILLHUMORED
DISTRUSTFUL
PRECIPITATED
REVENGEFUL
CLEVER
CRITICAL

TOLERANT
LISTENER
GENTLE
CONDESCENT
EQUILIBRIUM

NOT GRACIOUS
UNENTHUSIASTIC
QUIET
SCARED
INDECISIVE
UNCOMPROMISING
PLAYER
INSIPID
VERY QUIET
ARROGANT
ANXIOUS
TIMID
DOUBTFUL
INDIFFERENT
COMPLAINER
SLOW
LAZY
WITHOUT AMBITION
RELUCTANT
TWO-FACED

SUBTOTAL:
TOTAL:
SANGUINEOUS
POPULAR

www.atlastfree.com

CHOLERIC
POWERFUL

MELANCHOLIC
PERFECTIONIST

FLEMATIC
PASSIVE

18

SUMMARY OF THE POPULAR SANGUINEOUS

Lets do it the fun way
Desire:

Have Fun.

Emotional needs:

Attention, affection, approval, acceptance.

Key Strengths:

Can speak about anything at any moment and wherever with or without
information. Has a joyful personality, is optimistic, has a good sense of
humor, in addition to the ability of telling stories and likes people.

www.atlastfree.com

19

Key Weaknesses:

Disorganized, cannot recall details or names, is exaggerated, is not

serious in anything, trusts for others to do the work, is very nave and
trusting.

Gets depressed when:

Life is not fun, and thinks that no one loves them.

Is scared of:

Not being popular or is boring; also, does not want to live following a
schedule or having to give an account of the money they spent.

Likes people that:

Listen, laugh, praise and gives them approval.

Doesnt like:

Those who criticize, dont respond to their humor, and those they dont
find pleasant.

Is valuable at work:

Using creativity with colors, working with optimism, having light contact
yet animating others, and entertaining others.

Can improve if:

Becomes organized, talks less, and learns to be punctual.

As a Leader:

Motivates, persuades and inspires others, irradiates charm and entertains,

but is forgetful and not good at maintaining a conversation.

Tends to marry:

Perfectionists, who are sensitive and serious, but sanguineous, tend to get
tired quickly of having to continually animate them, and that they make
them feel inadequate or stupid.

Reaction to Stress:

Leave the scene, go shopping, eat more, find a fun group, make up
excuses, deny reality and fault others.

Is Recognized as:

Consistently talking, strident/vociferous, shiny eyes, moves hands,

colorful clothes, magnetic personality, and has ability to tell stories.

SUMMARY OF THE POWERFUL CHOLERIC

Lets do it my way
Desire:

www.atlastfree.com

Have the Control.

20

Emotional needs:

Sense of obedience, appreciates accomplishments, credit for their

abilities.

Key Strengths:

Ability of being in charge of anything instantly makes quick accurate

judgments.

Key Weaknesses:

Extremely bossy, dominant, autocrat, insensitive, is not willing to neither

delegate nor give others credit.

Get depressed when:

Life is out of control, and people do not do things their way.

Is scared of:

Losing control of something, like losing their job, not being promoted,
become gravely ill, have a rebellious child or have a partner that does not
back them up.

Likes people that:

Support them and are submissive, that sees things their way, cooperate
quickly and lets them get all the credit.

Doesnt like:

Those that are lazy and are not willing to work consistently, those that
oppose their authority, or who are independent and not loyal.

Is valuable at work:

Because they can accomplish more than others and take less time,
generally they do a good job, but may cause problems.

Can improve if:

They let others make decisions, delegates authority, would be more

patient, and not expect others to be as productive as they are.

As a Leader:

Has a natural tendency to be in charge, a quick sense of effective results,

and a sincere belief in their ability to make accomplishments, but tends to
burden the less aggressive.

Tend to marry:

Passives that obey quietly and do not defy their authority, nor have many
accomplishments and are not enthused with their own projects.

Reaction to Stress:

Reaffirms their control, works harder, exercises more, gets rid of the
offender, and stays away from social engagements.

Is recognized as:

Quickly getting close, rapidly taking control, self-confident, restless

attitude and imposing themselves.

SUMMARY OF THE MELANCHOLIC PERFECTIONIST

www.atlastfree.com

21

Lets do it the right way

Desire:

To do things right, do it perfectly.

Emotional needs:

Sense of stability, space, silence, creativity and support.

Key Strengths:

Ability to organize, set long term goals, has elevated norms or ideas,
profoundly analytical.

Key Weaknesses:

Gets easily depressed, takes a long time to prepare, concentrates too

much on details, remembers all negative things, and suspects others.

Gets depressed when:

Life is disorganized, norms are not followed, thinks that no one cares
about them.

Is scared of:

No one understanding their feelings, of making mistakes, having to

compromise their norms.

Likes people that:

Are serious, intellectuals, profound, and that can maintain a sensible

conversation.

Doesnt like:

Superficial and forgetful people, people who arrive late, disorganized,

deceivers, or those who are unpredictable.

Is valuable at work:

Because they can perceive details, enjoys analysis, following through,

high levels of presentation, and shows compassion to those who suffer.

Can improve if:

Doesnt take life so seriously, and does not insist that others be
perfectionists.

As a Leader:

Organizes well, is sensitive to the needs of others, has a profound

creativity, demands quick action.

Tend to marry:

The popular ones because of their personality and their ability to

socialize, but quickly tries to quiet them down, and have them adjust to a
schedule. Gets depressed when they dont respond.

Reaction to Stress:

Steps back, gets lost in a book, gets depressed, gives up, and recalls all
their problems, returns to the University.

Is recognized by:

Their serious and sensible nature, their correct closeness to others, and
disapproval of comments, meticulous and well dressed.

www.atlastfree.com

22

SUMMARY OF THE PASSIVE FLEMATIC

Lets do it the easy way
Desire:

Not have any conflict, maintain peace.

Emotional needs:

To be respected, valued, understood and needs emotional support.

Key Strengths:

Is balanced, has good disposition, dry sense of humor and has a pleasant
personality.

Key Weaknesses:

Lacks decisiveness, enthusiasm, energy, does not have obvious faults,

only a hidden iron will.

Gets depressed when:

Life is full of conflicts, has to face a personal confrontation, no one wants

to help them; opposition holds them back.

Is scared of:

Having to resolve a big personal problem, holding the package, make

big changes.

Likes people that:

Makes decisions for them, recognizes their strengths, doesnt ignore

them, and respects them.

Doesnt like:

Those who pressure them, neither those who are scandalous nor who
expect a lot from them.

Is valuable at work:

Because they are cooperative and exerts a calm influence upon others,
maintains peace, is a mediator between people with conflicts, resolves
problems objectively.

Can improve if:

Establishes goals and auto motivates himself, forces himself to do things

quicker than expected, and if they can handle their own problems in the
same way they handle other peoples problems.

As a Leader:

Maintains tranquility, calm, does not make impulsive decisions, is

agreeable and non-offensive, does not cause problems, but does not have
frequent brilliant ideas.

Tend to marry:

Strong people because they respect their strength and their decisiveness,
but later, the passive person gets tired of being pushed and belittled.

www.atlastfree.com

23

Reaction to Stress:

Hides within themselves, watches TV, eats, gets disconnected from life,
sleeps.

Is Recognized by:

Their calm and pleasant closeness, their relaxed posture, and because
they participate and learn whenever possible.

EXERCISE
Answer the following questions and discuss:
Which is your dominating temperament?:
________________________________________________________________________
Which is the dominating temperament of your spouse?
________________________________________________________________________
Why is it good for spouses to be different?
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________

Now that you know your differences better, can you understand better your spouse?

Why?

___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
What do you need to do to fulfill your spouses needs?
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________________________

www.atlastfree.com

24

Once you have finished this exercise, pray together and place your differences before God and ask Him
for wisdom to understand your differences and let them function as a complement in your lives.

Chapter 3

SELFISHNESS AND PRIDE

Weaknesses to Overcome
Selfishness and pride are attitudes powerfully harmful in the marriage and we must very
careful to identify them and to reject them from our life.
SELFISHNESS
It is the excessive esteem that a person has for himself or herself, and it makes them take
extreme care of their own interest, without worrying about the interest of others. It is
related to ambition, greed, individualism, egocentrism, and disrespect.
WHERE DOES THE SELFISHNESS COME FROM? WHAT DOES IT FEED FROM?
It is one of the lowest manifestations of the mankind. It is linked to our heart since our
childhood and it is fed from bitterness roots, individualism, materialism, ambition,
anxiety, and above all from the spiritual weakness of the persons.
It is a degenerative emotional sickness, which always tends to take advantage of it. The
selfish person only thinks about himself or herself and in obtain the persons and the
things they want. We judge things as good or bad according to the way they affect
us. The selfish person tends to believe that he or she is right almost in everything.

www.atlastfree.com

25

Everybody has some degree of egoism. But the larger our egoism, the larger the
problem. The worst thing is that this attitude is generally unconsciously.
When we emphasize too much the I: I want, I say, I need, I like, etc., or when we talk
about our things: my car, my house, my job, my hobby, etc., we express a selfish
attitude. Including when we ask God, we ask first for ourselves. This is an egocentric
attitude.
The egoism is a marriage destroyer, because it makes us unfeeling to our spouses needs
and wishes taking care first of our wishes, our needs, and our likings.
Examples:
In Communication: We dont listen to our spouse, we dont pay attention to him or her,
we watch TV, we read the newspaper, we stay at the computer, etc., instead of being
with our partner. We dont respect his or her point of view, but we criticize it. We
impose our opinion by shouting or by force.
In Interests: We dont share our spouse needs and wishes. We ignore his or her family,
judging and criticizing them. We make decisions without consulting him or her. We
impose our will. We manipulate.
In Finances: We ignore the wishes, the responsibilities and the needs of our spouse. We
oppose that he or she helps his or her family. We become greedy, we distrust his or her
spending. We consider ourselves the only homeowner and that all things inside it belong
to us.
In Sexual Relations: We dont care of the needs and wishes of our spouse.
In Family Relations: We manipulate our children or the family in order to get them to
give us the reason against our partner. We dont take in to account their family.
All these expressions of egoism produce rancor, harm, violence, separation, and hate.
HOW DO WE CONTROL OUR SELFISH ATTITUDE?
First, we must recognize that we behave selfishly a lot of times, offending our partner.
Second, we must assume an attitude of humility, tolerance and patience, and we must
www.atlastfree.com

26

make the decision and make an effort to pay attention and try to understand the point of
view of our spouse, dedicating more time to think about his/her needs, wishes, and
fancies.
The golden rule: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you
Matthew 7:12 This human relationships rule, tells us to treat others as we would want to
be treated in all situations. We judge and accuse many times without being aware that
we do the same.
For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galatians 6:7 (KJV)
If we sow fondness, attention, respect, love, goodwill, consideration, support, etc.; in our
spouse, we will receive the same and more.
The best antidote against selfishness is love as per 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:Love is patient,
love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight
in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres.
Have you been selfish in your marriage? Describe how and comment
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
What will you do to change your selfish attitude? How will you do it?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
THE PRIDE
We refer here to depreciatory, overbearing, haughty, arrogant, and authoritarian pride.
The one doesnt recognize mistakes. The one that hardens the heart and incapacitates us
to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. This pride is negative, destructive, and it causes a
lot of problems.

www.atlastfree.com

27

WHERE DOES THIS NEGATIVE PRIDE COME FROM?

We inherit it when we were born and it feeds from the environment where we grew. The
male pride modeling of the adults that formed us, the materialism, and a life without
spiritual principles highlights the pride in our lives.
Many times, some soul wounds and/or bitterness roots caused by traumatic
circumstances especially in our childhood, blocks and hardens the heart making us
unable to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
Fear of feeling inferior is usually another cause of prideful attitude. Many persons dont
open their hearts freely because they fear to be underestimated or ignored.
All the pain that we couldnt resolve, we will make someone else pay for it.
HOW DOES THIS ATTITUDE AFFECT THE MARRIAGES?
When they dont accept their mistakes, difficult disputes are generated.
When one doesnt accept that the spouse may be right, his/her self esteem is
affected.
When we are not capable to ask for forgiveness, the relationship is hardened.
When we cant forgive our spouses mistakes, resentments are generated.
The proud attitude generates resentments that accumulate and the relations becomes
tense. Many times one of the spouses tends to lie due to lack of trust in his/her mates
reaction. Take care with this! If a spouse doesnt have the confidence to talk openly
with his or her partner, someone inadequate would listen to him or her.

Describe which prideful attitudes have affected your marriage. Comment.

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
HOW DO WE CONTROL THE PRIDE AND THE ARROGANCE IN MARRIAGE?
It is strictly necessary that we renounce to this attitude to advance and mature in our
marriage. We should pray daily together to ask God to help us defeat our prideful
www.atlastfree.com

28

attitudes, understanding that we gain nothing if we win an argument, but in the process
we hurt our spouse. We should acquire an attitude of humility to recognize our mistakes,
and to understand and to accept that we are not right all the time. We should practice
the forgiveness in giving it and receiving it.
The most powerful antidote against pride is an attitude of humility.
5

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight. Prov. 3:5-6
2

in

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom Prov. 11:2

12

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with
compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and
forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Col. 3:12-13
ROOTS OF BITTERNESS
15

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause
trouble and defile many. Heb. 12:15
The roots of bitterness hinder us to obtain the joy of God and his happiness. They cause
us difficulties and they provoke us to contaminate a lot of people around us. It is very
important that we confront ourselves to identify the root of bitterness that we need to
heal immediately.
WHAT ARE THOSE ROOTS OF BITTERNESS? WHERE DO THEY COME FROM?
The roots of bitterness are feelings of pain hidden in our hearts that were caused by
those circumstances we lived, which hurt us deeply. They are also produced by
unfulfilled expectations in the life and, if the worst comes to the worst, due to judgments
we have talked against other people.
1

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. Matt. 7:1

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at
whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass
judgment do the same things.Rom. 2:1

www.atlastfree.com

29

Many times we make judgments beforehand based in our own thoughts, thus
discovering our human and selfish motivations. We will reap what we sow. The
husbands many times become the fathers who the wives have judged, but worse. Many
divorces occur because many couples have hidden motivations in their hearts and they
have unknown expectations.
INTERNAL VOWS
The internal vows are determinations we make since our childhood, which become as
computer programs in our being. They adjust to our mind reproducing several times the
printed vows. These vows are called internal because we do them from our earlier years
and then we forget them. They acquire more power because they are hidden deeply in
our minds. These internal vows generate the following attitudes:
Nobody else will control my life!
I will never trust in somebody else, but in myself!
Its worthless to do something for myself!
I will try to avoid getting close to people!
All men are the same, insincere, untruthful!
Although these judgments may be true for the hurt person, they are a deception. The
roots of bitterness settle so much in our being that they establish a pattern of thinking,
which become the truth by which we live and govern our lives. The more time these
internal vows stay in our minds, the more powerful they become.
To remove any truth in our system of beliefs, which has been based in a wrong
concept, we must pay attention to identify those lies and substitute them with genuine
truths coming from the Word of God.
Forgiveness is a decision.
To forgive means to overlook the offences or undertake them.
The Lords prayer says:
12
Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matt. 6:12
But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your
trespasses. Mark 11:26. (ASV)
www.atlastfree.com

30

21

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother
when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Mat. 18:21-22
God orders us to forgive without conditions or justifications. That means that if He
orders it is because it is a decision, and not something we feel. We cant adjust or justify
the forgiveness. It is asked and given. Maybe someone hurt you a lot in the past. Maybe
your father, your mother, some relative or your spouse did. But God orders us to forgive
without conditions.
Lets make the decision today, to forgive those persons who hurt us and lets begin to
bless them as a genuine signal that we have forgiven them. It is very important to talk
about this subject and to bring out those painful memories, with the only and exclusive
purpose to forgive person by person before God. This will bring freedom to your life and
will allow you to live in peace and joy.
God orders us to forgive without justifications and without conditions.
Have you remembered some painful events from your childhood and life? Have you
forgave those persons who offended you? Yes_____
No______. Comment.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Have you felt offended by your spouse? When and How? Answer and comment.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
RENOUNCE TO SELFISHNESS, PRIDE, ARROGANCE AND HAUGHTINESS.
Talk to your spouse and take the decision to forgive, without conditions and without
justifications. Then decide do not talk about the issue again.
Read this prayer aloud: Blessed Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, I renounce to all
spirit of selfishness, pride, arrogance, and haughtiness. I declare myself free from all
negative spiritual oppression in my life, and I decide to walk in obedience to you. I cut
all generational curses through my family, and I decide to forgive and to love all the
www.atlastfree.com

31

persons who have hurt me before. I also decide to practice love, kindness, tolerance,
and patience with my spouse to live a life according to your will. Amen.
Decide to begin a new life based in the principles of life that we are learning. Pray
together asking forgiveness to God for your weakness selfishness and pride, and ask
forgiveness mutually for all those times that you have hurt each other
Make the decision to definitively break with all spirit of selfishness, pride and
haughtiness in your lives and ask God for wisdom and strength to remain always with a
spirit of love that allows you to constantly demonstrate love to one another.
Remember to also forgive yourself. God forgave you already; therefore you dont have
to feel guilty.
Remember to pray together every day for your marriage, for all the facets of your
relationship, and asking wisdom to understand and to put in practice the principles that
you are learning.

Chapter 4

www.atlastfree.com

32

Responsibilities for Men and Women

Today most of the people say that two persons make a marriage, therefore, both share
all equally and are entitled to the same privileges and responsibilities. This is not true
according to the Bible. Based on the biblical marriage covenant, each has different
rights, obligations, and responsibilities to live by in order to understand and live the
purpose for which they were created.
Responsibilities for Men
From the beginning of creation, the Lord delegated the authority and the responsibility
to man to rule over all things in earth. (Genesis 1:26-28) Then God said, "Let us make
man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds
of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, [a] and over all the creatures that move
along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he
created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be
fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea
and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
1- Spiritual Leader
Is responsible for the personal spiritual and emotional growth of his family. Establishes
the spiritual patterns. Because of the responsibility given to him by God he should be
more consecrated than his wife. He is to pray and intercede to God and ask Him to meet
the needs of his wife and children. He should take his family to church and see that each
member grows spiritually. When man takes the position as spiritual leader the wife
feels safe and begins to admire and respect her husband; and she will better fulfill her
role as wife.
2- Household Leader
The leader in the household is the one who has the authority and the responsibility of
running it. He is responsible that everything runs properly in the household. When a
household is not doing well is because the man in not exercising a good leadership role.
A good leader shows the way, guides, and teaches. A leader is not the one that forces
people to do things. A good leader grants and gives unconditional love.
A household leader leads in three different ways:
a- With authority. God gave men authority to guide his family.
www.atlastfree.com

33

b- With instruction. He teaches his family in all things.

c- By example. Is a role model with his own actions.
There is scarcity of spiritual men in our contemporaneous society. In most cases women
are taking the lead of the household in such areas as spiritual, emotional, and financial
matters. It should not be this way.
Most of the marriage problems are as a direct result of men not performing their role of
leaders of their homes.
3- Emotional Nourisher
It is the role of the nourisher to support, uplift, and encourage all members of the family.
Because women are more sensible and emotional, they are more susceptible to the
problems in life. Men should be a strong emotional support all the time, especially in
moments of crisis, sickness, sadness, pain, and anguish.
Women need emotional support constantly, especially during their menstrual period,
before and after pregnancy, during menopause, and during the loss of loved ones.
Men needs to GROW spiritually to obtain the necessary capacity to provide emotional
support to his wife in a sensible and understanding way. He should encourage her with
positive affirmation words, in prayer, and with actions that makes her feel safe and
loved. (Ephesians 5: 25-27) Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the
Church, and gave himself for it; that sanctified and cleanse it with the washing of water
by the Word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not with spot, or
wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Words of affirmation, praying for and with your wife, is as water and fertilizer to a plant
that produces a beautiful flower. When the wife is nourished this way, she will be
happy, she fills encouraged, her skin glows and she is transformed into a radiant
colorful person like a flower that is nourished and cherished intensively by the gardener.
The end result and the best part is that the husband is the one that will enjoy the
company of that woman full of life and happiness.
4- Provider

www.atlastfree.com

34

He provides for the needs of the family. (Timothy 5:8) If anyone does not provide for
his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is
worse than an unbeliever. To be a good provider he must be a hard worker, there are
no blessings from God for lazy people. To receive blessings from God as a provider
you must:
1- Have the desire to work. (Proverbs 10:24) What the wicked dreads will overtake
him; what the righteous desire will be granted.
2- andMake the effort. (Joshua 1:6-8) "Be strong and courageous, because you
will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them.
Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses
gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful
wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth;
meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written
in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
When man is not a good provider this brings instability to the household and shows a
poor role model to his children.
For this reason, men should make an effort to better prepare themselves for the work
force so that his wife can stay home taking care of the children. If necessary, for her to
work part time, this should be for a limited time period. This will allow the mother to
take better care of her family and the household.
3- Protector
A protector is one that gives physical and spiritual protection. A protector supports the
family in times of crisis and gives his children the best education possible. Men are
responsible for the safety of the family, but they wont be able to do it if they feel
insecure about themselves. Men that are ambivalent, immature, selfish, and deceivers,
would not bring security to the family. Many times men have to heal their mind and
heart, in order to be capable of protecting their families.
4- Progenitor
Every man is responsible for the next four generations. Therefore, men need to
understand that every decision, good or bad, will affect four generations ahead.
www.atlastfree.com

35

5-Motivates and Encourage

Every man was made capable by God to develop, grow and cultivate all things that
comes out of him. If man does his job effectively, his wife will shine every day like the
virtuous woman described in the Bible. As time goes by, men nourishes his wife for his
own joy, which is Gods desire. His children, will become mature men and women as
well.
Questions for Men:
Which one of your responsibilities you have fulfilled? Which one did not? Why?
Comment
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Women Responsibilities
1- Women should be the suitable helper for her husband. (Genesis 2: 18) The LORD
God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Help: Comes from the Hebrew Ezer meaning put a fence around, surround, protect,
to give help, to rescue in times of crisis and difficulty. Therefore, God gave men, women
to put a fence around him, surround him during crisis and difficulties. Ex: difficulties in
the area of finances, spiritual matters, in the household, in time of danger, and in times
of wrong decision making.
The women was called to help and work together beside her husband, but not to do his
job. For example, in respect to his job, she should encourage her husband and never be
judgemental.
She should support and encourage her husband to seek out direction from God during
important family decisions. She should never pressure him or try to manipulate him in
doing her will.
2- Submit to her husband.

www.atlastfree.com

36

(Ephesians 5:22-24) Wives, be in subjection unto your own husbands, as unto the
Lord.
The word subjection or submission has been misinterpreted and improperly taught, for
that reason, women fear the sound of that word. However, the word submission is a
good one because Christ submitted himself to his Fathers will.
Submission has nothing to do with equality or inferiority. Men and women are equals in
Gods presence. We are equals in entity, but with different functions
Jesus is equal to the Father and he did not denigrate himself when he submitted to His
Fathers authority. It does not make women a lesser person when she submits to her
husband because we are equals before God. Submission to women, is accepting mens
authority with the internal joy that makes it possible for her to be guided.
Illustration: Sometimes you are not in agreement with your boss, but you submit to
his/her authority. You may not be in agreement with a Judge, but you submit to his
authority. God calls men to be in a position of authority in the household over the rest
of the family.
Submission has to do with the fulfillment of a purpose within the household.
Women, submitting to your husband does not make you inferior. The husband, wife,
and children are Children of God. Submission is extremely necessary for Gods purpose
to be manifested in the household.
Submitting to the husband does not mean that you have to agree on every decision he
makes, rather is to recognize his position as head of the household and this allows Gods
plan for the family to develop.
A woman loved by her husband, makes it easier for her to submit to her husband.
Nevertheless, the fact that he is a Child of God should be enough reason for the wife to
respect his God given position of authority within the family.
How much a woman should submit to her husband? In Everything(Ephesians 5:24)
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything.
Should women submit to everything? Yes, as long as it is Biblical. What happens with
a non-spiritual partner? Women should gain her husband with her Christ like behavior.
www.atlastfree.com

37

(I Peter 3:1) Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of
them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of
their wives,
What is the limit of this submission? Women should not submit in those areas that do
not follow Biblical principles. Moreover, submission means also that she has the
responsibility to make her husband aware of her thoughts when it comes to day-by-day
maters to prevent misunderstandings. With a loving attitude, she should share her point
of view with her husband. It should look like this: Sweetheart, this is my opinion and
I would like you to consider it. I realize that the final decision is yours, it is your
prerogative and I will stand behind you. I will be content with your decision.
Some women pretend that they accept their husbands decisions, but they do it with
bitterness. You get better results with your husband by communicating an open and
clear opinion about the issue. When the wife is right and the husband is wrong, let the
truth be revealed by the Lord to the husband. This is Gods job, not the wifes.
Why it is so difficult for the wives to submit to their husbands?
a) Abuse of authority in the past. Women that have seen their own father being abusive
to her mother or another figure of authority being abusive to others, find it very difficult
for them to submit to their husbands. Solution: Forgiveness and internal healing.
b) Due to the original sin. The inherent desire of women is to exercise control, power,
and to manipulate her husband. This comes from the Bible since Eden because of Eves
sin when she ate the forbidden fruit. Feeling bad about it, she manipulated and
pressured her husband, so that he would eat also from the forbidden fruit.
When God asked Adam what had happened he blamed his wife, since then, women does
not trust men. (Genesis 3: 6-12) When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good
for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some
and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the
eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig
leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard
the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and
they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called
to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was
afraid because I was naked; so I hid." And he said, "Who told you that you were naked?

www.atlastfree.com

38

Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?" The man said,
"The woman you put here with meshe gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
How do you submit to a man that is not the head of the household? The Bible says:
(1Peter 3: 1) Not with words, but with your behavior The more you try to convince
him with words the more reluctant he will become because he sees this as a threat
against his ego, which he will never compromise.
3- Respect your husband.
(Ephesians 5: 33) and wives respect you husbands. To respect: Is to recognize
the position of the person. Respect goes together with submission. A wife that does not
submit to her husband can't respect him either. The issue of respect is not in relation to
his apparent success; it is a matter of his position.
The most common way women show disrespect to her husband is through the use of her
tongue. To win your husband without words means not to harass him all the time.
When he disciplines the children she should show support to her husbands words and
authority. Never go against her husband will in front of the children.
Let him take the final decision always.
4- Women have the capacity to spread the seed.
God gave women the great responsibility of reproduction, to carry the seed for
procreation and in this way she fulfills Gods given purpose to populate the earth.
5- To satisfy her conjugal responsibilities with her husband.
The Bible teaches that women should not deny herself to her husband because this will
allow the enemy to interfere in the household affairs. (1Corithian 7:5). Do not deprive
each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves
to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your
lack of self-control.
Later in another chapter we will cover in detail this subject.
Questions for women.
Are you meeting all your responsibilities as wife? Are you submitting to your husband
in your marriage as established by Gods word? Do you think you need help in doing it?
What kind of support do you need? Comment.
www.atlastfree.com

39

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
ASPECTS OF SUBMISSION
A) Submission to God and his Word: (Joshua 1: 8-9) Do not let this Book of the Law
depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do
everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not
commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
We have to be careful to not fall in the trap of thinking that doing good deeds for God is
the same as submission and obedience. (Samuel 15:22) To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams. For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and
arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
B) Submission to spiritual authorities:
(Hebrew 13: 17) Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they
watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and
not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
C) Submission to civil, military, and those in government:
(Titus3: 1-2) Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey
magistrates, to be ready to every good work, To speak evil of no man, to be no
brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.
D) Wives submit to their husbands:
(Ephesians 5:22-24) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the
Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:
and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let
the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DO NOT SUBMIT TO THE AUTHORITIES IN ALL
OF ITS ASPECTS?
(Romans 13: 1-2) Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no
power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore
www.atlastfree.com

40

resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to
themselves damnation.
EXERCISE:
Men: How are you going to manage your household responsibilities? What changes
you may need to make?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Women: Which responsibility is harder to handle in your household? Why? How do
you propose to achieve this?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Now, hold your partners hand and make a public pledge to assume your responsibilities
and to look for balance and harmony in your household according to Gods principles.

CHAPTER 5

Communication
Yelling is not communicating.
Communication is the transmission of information.
It requires above all, lots of mutual respect so as to be understood. It must have one
transmitter at a time and one or more receivers.
www.atlastfree.com

41

Its incredible the amount of marriages that claim to have a bad or no communication at
all. We will see some details on how to have good communication as a couple.
Couples levels of communication
1.
2.
3.
4.

Conversational You only transmit basic information Hi, how are you?... etc..
Small details includes reports and important events
Ideological speaks of traditional family lines of thought, religion, politics, etc.
Sentimental Open your heart and talk about your deep feelings.

In what level of communication is your marriage? Comment.

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
The purpose of communicating is to transmit ideas, thoughts and feelings.
How do we improve our communication?
1. Learn how to listen.
Listen patiently, then, think about it, and then talk.
James 1:19

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to
speak and slow to become angry,
This is the most important key for good communication. It means to pay attention. Its
incredible how people tend to answer before really listening. The principal
characteristic that distinguishes a mature person is that they care more about listening to
others, understand and learn from them instead of talking and trying to convince others
of what they think.
2. Respect your spouses opinion and points of view.
Phil: 2:3-4:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider

others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others.
3. Respond Kindly.
www.atlastfree.com

42

Prov. 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

4. Talk with sincere honesty opening your heart.

Eph. 4:25

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor,
for we are all members of one body.
The truth must be spoken sincerely, without judging, without blaming, nor hurting the
spouse. For example, we can start with, My love, I want to tell you I felt offended by
what you did and said. This is expressing your feelings without blaming your partner.
This way you give the offender the opportunity to apologize, ask for forgiveness and
resolve the situation.
5. Be careful with the power of your tongue.
We humans offend very often with our words.
James 3:2

We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a

perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.

Prov. 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its

fruit.
We have to be conscious that many times we cannot control our emotions and we hurt
and offend our loved ones with harsh words. We have to make the effort to control our
mind and avoid talking when we are mad.
Principal reasons of bad communication.
a) Unawareness of the differences between a man and a woman. This creates false
expectations and misunderstandings, as we expect that our spouse reacts and does
things like we do.
b) Cultural and intellectual prejudice
c) Loss of interest and indifference caused by hidden sins
d) Isolation and excessive work
e) Stubbornness and hardening of the heart
Benefits of good communication
www.atlastfree.com

43

1) Peace and a good life.

1Pet. 3:10

For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.

2) Healthy body.
Prov. 16:24

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

3) Delivers us from problems and heartaches.

Prov. 21:23

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

4) We receive Gods blessings.

Mat. 18:19

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it
will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
Analyze
Women: give examples of how your husband does not take your feelings into
consideration or invalidates them.___________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Men: give examples of when you felt upset by your wifes actions._________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Developing good communication habits.
Communication is supposed to be a transmission of ideas, thoughts and feelings, not a
verbal attack with the person we are talking to.
In order to develop healthy habits of communication, we should first have spiritual
growth. That is the source that nourishes our minds so we can change the bad habits in
our lives. Second, its the only way for us to conquer our human weaknesses, by
reading the Bible, which is Gods manual of life. We put into practice the life principles
that it teaches us, so we can achieve being more understanding and having a free ,
patient and sincere attitude.
www.atlastfree.com

44

Purchase books of spiritual themes and read them so you can learn and spend time
together. This habit will help you to considerably improve your communication.
What are you going to do to improve your communication with your spouse and your
kids? __________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

Disputes in Marriage
Lets start with the facts, these will always be reasons to contend, specially in a marriage
relationship. When you live together, there are a lot of circumstances that divide the
opinions and the opportunity to contend arises. For example: How to educate children,
how to manage finances, how to manage time, how to drive, how to dress, what to eat
and a lot more decisions that you make in your daily living. Most of the time arguments
begin without a reason, but if you dont control the situation, the argument escalates and
serious problems develop.
Mention a few reasons you argue about as a couple. Comment.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Prov. 13:10

Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

The Bible teaches us with clarity that the principal cause of arguments in a marriage is
our sinful nature like pride, selfishness, and haughtiness. Its a matter of internal
attitude in our carnal nature. We think that there is no reason for anyone to run over us
and much less if we are right.
Why do I always have to be the one to give in? Why do I have to accept humiliation?
We dont have to give in; the truth is that being right or not doesnt justify for a person
to hurt another person and much less if that other person is your wife; the person that
you promised God to protect and love forever or your husband, the person you promised
before God to respect and love forever.
We are not authorized to blame our spouse with or without reason.
www.atlastfree.com

45

Phil 2:5-8:5

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very
nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, 7but made
himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
8
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to
death even death on a cross!
God gives us the answer on how to manage disputes. According to Phil. 2:5-8, the
solution to this problem is a humble attitude. An attitude is not an isolated action, its a
reflection of the character that you can develop with discipline and constancy, beginning
by making the decision then following up with a continuous practice until it becomes a
habit. Not considering ourselves as the important one, instead appreciating and making
the other person more important than you.
This has nothing to do with the authority and the governing that corresponds to the man
as the head of the household, its more the attitude that exercises that function. The best
model we have of this is Jesus, which demonstrated that it wasnt necessary to have a
proud and haughty attitude in order to exercise the principles of authority and
government.
It does not mean that you leave things unresolved, but that you must force the situations
and resolve them diligently and find solutions for the problem.
The solutions should never hurt or cause anguish to other people, much less our spouse

In this we must trust on the Lord, that if we cannot resolve a situation, without hurting
another person, its better not to resolve the issue and pray, trusting that God will provide
a supernatural solution because of our obedience to Him.
Men should understand that exercising government and authority in the home is not a
license to hurt or run over your wife and children, instead its a responsibility before
God to lead your family by your modeling.
How do you react during disputes? What are you going to do, to better manage
conflicts? Write the answer and comment.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

www.atlastfree.com

46

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

CONFRONTATION
This is a very useful tool to resolve conflicts with our spouse. It is when we open our
hearts that we bring light to a situation so that God can take control. Its the action to
win your spouse and re-establish the relationship.
God delegated the responsibility to the person offended, since he is the one that has the
understanding or the resentment as to what happened. The offender unknowing that he
offended you, doesnt have the conscience or reason to confront you.
It is a decision not to take into account offenses, by putting the spiritual principles and
justice of God before our emotions and human justice. Jesus taught us that we should
forgive without limits 70 times 7; this is however, as many times as necessary. The
Lord expects us to treat others as He treats us. The life of the children of God with
respect to others is based on spiritual principles and not human justice.
GUARD AND HONOR YOUR SPOUSE
It is very important, when we see our spouse faltering in one of his/her weaknesses, that
we confront them instead of judging or speaking badly of him/her to other people. That
is gossiping and it is harmful to the relationship.
HOW DO YOU CONFRONT?
When you confront your spouse, it must always be with love. Remember that the Bible
teaches us that we should love one another and love our neighbor as ourselves. Our
model is the Lord Jesus, and we should also imitate Him in the way we confront.
Mark 10:21

Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell
everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then
come, follow me."
Open your heart and tell your spouse what you feel and why you feel it. Dont accuse or
blame him or her. Simply open your heart and express what you perceive to be wrong.
www.atlastfree.com

47

WHERE TO CONFRONT?
You should select an appropriate place to do your confrontation. It should be a place
where you can be alone and without interruption, and where the person being confronted
feels at ease.

WHEN TO CONFRONT?
You should pick a time where feelings and emotions will not block the confrontation
process, without going to the extreme of waiting so long that you leave the problem
unresolved. Remember, that the first person that needs to find out about the problem is
the offender and no one else.
JUSTIFICATION:
The natural reaction that surfaces when we confront someone who has offended us, is
justification, since the natural instinct of humans is to defend themselves. The offended
person needs to understand this, so as not to judge the offender. A way to avoid this
attitude is to assure the person, lovingly, before you confront them. By this, we will
counteract the feeling of rejection and fear, typical of humans. If you are the offender,
you should listen to the complaint, humble yourself and proceed to give the appropriate
explanation, if there is one.
The time will come in the confrontation process, that the offender will recognize his or
her fault, this will take him or her to a new level of forgiveness and reconciliation, which
is the most glorious moment of the confrontation. Then restore the relationship and
reinforce the love covenant.
Women: You should avoid criticizing or manipulating your husband.
Men: You should listen attentively every time your wife speaks.
Answer the following questions:
What is the first thing you have to do to have a healthy communication?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
What can you do to improve the communication with your spouse?

www.atlastfree.com

48

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
How and when should you confront your spouse?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Whats the key attitude you must have to avoid disputes in your marriage?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Pray asking God for wisdom and power to learn how to control our emotions and
acquire the humility to improve the quality of communication in our home.

Chapter 6

FINANCES
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.. 1 Timothy 6-10
The Bible says the problem is not the money; the problem is the love of money!
The system in the world teaches us that are worth is from what we have and what we
are; therefore, the majority of the people dedicates most of their time to money making
activities, so they can get material things, luxuries and temporary pleasures. This is one
of the most painful forms of slavery, and regretfully very common in our current society,
which ends up in large debts, economic disorder, and a lot of pain and distress.
8 BIG MISTAKES IN THE USE OF MONEY
1. To fall into debt: This produces economic slavery.
Credit Cards: Enjoy now and suffer later for a long time.
Consequences: Distress, discouragement, division and conflicts between
the couple.
2. Irresponsible use of Resources:
Giving into the buying impulse. Dont give in to offers and sales when it is not in
the budget.
www.atlastfree.com

49

3. Greed: Luke 12:15 Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against
all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."
4. Trying to get rich quickly: The great and only opportunity 1Tim 6:9
People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and
harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction.
5. Deception or dishonesty: James 5:2-3 Your wealth has rotted, and moths have
eaten your clothes. 3Your gold and silver are corroded. Their corrosion will testify
against you
6. A life oriented by business or work: An enthusiastic effort is good, as long as we
dont neglect our priorities, our relationship with God, our family and church.
7: To establish businesses with unbelievers: 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked
together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
7. Guaranties and Loans: Proverbs 11:15 He who puts up security for another will
surely suffer, but whoever refuses to strike hands in pledge is safe.
We should be very careful with guaranties and ask direction from God before we
grant guaranties to family or friends.
HOW CAN I TRULLY REACH FINANCIAL FREEDOM?
Financial freedom cannot be reached rapidly. It is a process that takes time depending
on the current level of slavery. In order to become financially free, bad habits need to
be changed and replaced by healthy habits of financial handling. This process can take
months or even years, however, it is very important that we get started today. If we
practice the right habits we will reach the financial freedom that we need to live in
peace.
1. RECOGNIZE THAT GOD IS THE OWNER OF EVERYTHING.
Psalm 24:1 The earth is the LORD'S, and all it contains, the world, and those
www.atlastfree.com

50

who dwell in it.

Possession is not the same as ownership. You can possess something, but not
be
the owner. We are administrators and responsible of the resources that
God gives
us. When we recognize that God is in reality the owner of
everything, we can
understand that we depend upon him and this will bring peace to our lives. God
gives us the capacity to acquire goods, so we can
administer them with a purpose
that is also defined by him.
Lets remember the parable of the talents. The one who is given the most, will
be
held accountable for more. The one who is not faithful administering what has been
given to him, even if it is just a few things, will lose those things, but for those that
are faithful they will be given even more!!!.
How can I be faithful with God in my finances? By being obedient to his
instructions. Working hard, struggling, and persevering so that Gods will, can be
fulfilled in our lives. His will is that we enjoy life to its fullness, sharing with those
who feed us spiritually and with Gods family, living in harmony with them.

2. INVOLVE GOD IN YOUR FINANCES

Honor the LORD from your wealth and from the first of all your produce; so your
barns will be filled with plenty. Proverbs 3:9-10
Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and
test Me now in this," says the LORD of hosts, "if I will not open for you the windows
of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows. Malachi 3:10
We all need to grow spiritually and for that reason, it is necessary that the Ministers of
God teach and instruct us according to the word of God. For this, God has instructed
us in the bible to give 10% of our income to the church, where we receive spiritual
food. As it is written in Proverbs 3, the tithing and offering is the first thing that we
must set apart for God as soon as we receive the fruit of our labor.
As a reward God makes us a beautiful promise: Mal 3:10 Test me in this," says the
LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour
out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.
This blessing includes health, peace, joy and material prosperity at the right time.
www.atlastfree.com

51

Mathew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things
will be added to you.
Lets learn to seek for God as a couple first and be loyal to Him, then everything we
need will be added.
3. DO NOT PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR HAPINESS IN MATERIAL
THINGS
When we look for true happiness through the accumulation of material things, luxury
goods and mundane pleasures, we realize that we can only get moments of fun and
entertainment and that is not bad, however, the problem arises when we deposit our
expectations for true happiness in those things.
True happiness comes through relationships; as in the relationship with our spouse,
our children, our relatives, friends, etc. Material things only fill your expectations
temporarily. Good relations last a life time and generate a state of happiness, joy and
peace.
We have never heard of a person in their final moments saying: How I would have
loved to work more and make more money! But we frequently hear comments like:
How I would have loved to spend more time with my wife and kids!.
We live in a consumer society of buying and selling and having new needs every
time: new cars, clothing, house, etc. Our teen-agers always want to have the latest
fashion, brands, toys, etc., and that is not good.
Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting
with strife. Lets learn how to live within our own financial possibilities.

4. STRUCTURE A BUDGET AND BE DISCIPLINED

Luke 14:28-29 For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit
down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he
has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him.
You need to structure a financial plan for your family. Set a plan and execute it with
your spouse. Distribute your income setting up the right priorities. Seek advice from a
www.atlastfree.com

52

Christian counselor. Rom 13:8 8Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing
debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.
Establish a balance between irresponsibility and legalism. Proverbs 13:4 The soul of the
sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the soul of the diligent is made fat. The budget can
be changed or adjusted otherwise it becomes a problem. It has to bring peace.
Dont worry about tomorrow instead plan for tomorrow. These are two different things.
Proverbs 27:23 Know well the condition of your flocks, and pay attention to your herds;
For riches are not forever.
Some people manage their finances with envelopes; every time they get paid, they
divide in accordance with their budget. This helps facilitate the control of your finances.
5. BE GENEROUS AND SHARE WITH PEOPLE IN NEED
Luke 3:11 "The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who
has food is to do likewise."
Galatians 6:10 So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and
especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
God wants us to share with those who dont have or are in need. It is amazing to realize
the grade of selfishness and indifference that some wealthy people have nowadays.
However, there is a universal and biblical principle that states: Whatever you sow you
will also reap. Giving support and helping to cover the needs of our brothers around us,
means sowing in the kingdom of heaven and we will get the reward of what we have
sowed at any given time.
WHO SHOULD HANDLE THE FINANCES IN THE FAMILY?
The Bible talks about who is responsible in front of God for administering and
governing the home. Rather than a privilege or a reason to be joyful for men, it is more a
commitment where the fear of God is present because of such a demanding
responsibility, since some day as leaders of the families, men will have to be
accountable to God for everything he trusted to them. Notwithstanding who is bringing
the money at home, it is recommended to have a joint bank account administered by the
husband, although if it makes more sense, the husband can delegate this function to his

www.atlastfree.com

53

wife by mutual consent and this should not demerit his authority or responsibility.
Separate accounts tend to emotionally draw the couples apart.
Planning the household economy, brings the following benefits:
-

It releases us from economic distress, unnecessary debt, and impulsive expenses.

Conflicts and discussions with our spouse and children can be avoided.
There will be more freedom to dedicate time to grow in the knowledge of God.
Bear fruit in every good work and bless others.

My true identity is not based in what I have or posses, but in the fact that I am a son of
God. Mathew 6:19-21: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth
and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves
treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break
in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The word of God teaches us that the way to increase and prosper is by sowing. 2
Corinthians 9:6 Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows
generously will also reap generously.
LIVING ACCORDING TO YOUR FINANCIAL POSSIBILITIES
A.
B.
C.
D.

Dont have more expenses than our income.

Dont use credit cards to cover daily living expenses.
We need to be self-disciplined in controlling our expenses.
Keep a right perspective on the definition of necessity, desire, and yearning.

Necessity: Is what is required to cover our basic needs (food, clothing, housing,
health insurance, etc.) 1 Timothy 6:8
Desire: This involves choosing quality, brand names, luxury, etc. (a new car rather
than a used car, fashionable clothing instead of ordinary work clothes) 1 Peter 3:3-4
Yearning: These are purchasing decisions or expenses that according to the plan of
God can only be made when there are excessive funds, after all other financial
commitments and obligations have been fulfilled. 1 John 2:15-16

CONCLUSION
www.atlastfree.com

54

Gods principles about money are instructions to keep us in the right path, and keep us
away from falling into the traps of the world. The consequences of disobeying or
ignoring these financial principles from God will come sooner or later.
How have you manage finances in your life? What adjustments do you need to make?
Answer and Comment:
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Now complete together the following format that will help you control your finances.
Do it carefully using the priority order and commit to use it with discipline.

BUDGET MONTHLY INCOME & EXPENSES

GROSS INCOME
Salaries

$ _______________

Interest

$ _______________

www.atlastfree.com

55

Dividends

$ _______________

Others

$ _______________

NET INCOME AVAILABLE

$ ________________

MINUS EXPENSES:
1. Tithes and Offerings $ ______________
2. Taxes
$ ______________
3. Mortgage (Rent)
$______________
4. Food
$______________
5. Car (loan or lease)
$______________
6. Insurance
$______________
7. Loans
$______________
8. Clothing
$______________
9. Utilities
$______________
10. Savings
$______________
11. Medical Exp.
$______________
12. School/Child care
$______________
13. Gifts
$______________
14. Investments
$______________
15. Miscellaneous
$______________
16. Others
$______________
Total Expenses
BALANCE INCOME/EXPENSES

$ _________________
$ _________________

Chapter 7

Sexual Intimacy
www.atlastfree.com

56

This topic should not be taboo, but should shed light on the reality that this considerably
affects marriage today.
How important is intimacy to you? Why?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Lets look at this story:
Carlos and Maria have a problem with sexual intimacy, a situation not so strange, even
in couples that seem to have it all. Carlos and Maria made a beautiful couple. Where
should we start? I asked, while they tried to reassure each other. Ill start, said
Carlos. He took a deep breath and said I have not had any sexual intimacy in so long
that, I forgot how its done! Maria started to cry. After a few seconds, she regained her
composure and said, Thats not true! Carlos has a way of exaggerating when he is
upset!. Tell me, what do you mean? I asked. Yes, said Carlos and that is part of the
problem. I know how good that can be, but not any more. Maria continued, I think the
best way to say it is that we both feel different sexual levels, said Maria sadly, as she
lowered her head. I was always feeling tired, old and overweight, fighting depression
and Carlos even with his busy schedule at work always wanted more sex, or rather more
than me. During some time, I tried to keep up with his pace, but I was starting to
realize, I didnt like his attitude. I felt he was being too demanding and selfish. The
more we fought about it, the more we distance ourselves. Even now when we have sex,
it is not very satisfying for either one of us, especially for me. I just simply lie down and
let him satisfy himself. There was a moment of silence before I asked Carlos his point
of view in regards to this matter. She has been very blunt, said Carlos. I feel as if I
were a big brute when she tells the story. But you know how men can get, we go for so
long without sexual intimacy that we feel that we are going to explode. His anger had
distant him from Maria. Carlos and Maria were not going through any experiences that
are uncommon amongst couples that were together for eleven years. Things change,
people change, Carlos and Maria had changed. What was most important is that Carlos
and Maria learn that their sexual intimacy was a mirror image of their marriage. The
battle they were fighting was not only for their sexual problems but also for their
relationship that was deteriorating their sexual drive. They learned the following:

www.atlastfree.com

57

WHO DESIGNED SEXUAL INTIMACY, AND FOR WHAT PORPOSE?

To better understand the reason, and the purpose of anything in the World, the most
logical and sensible way, is to go directly to the manufacturer. Sexual intimacy was
designed for a reason and purpose, and who better to explain this matter than, the creator
himself.
Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I
will make him a helper fit for him."
Genesis 2:24-25 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave
unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his
wife, and were not ashamed.
Proverb 5:18 y 19 let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. 19
Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times;
and be thou ravished always with her love.
Genesis4: 1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I
have gotten a man from the LORD.
Genesis 1:28 28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and
multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the
sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
It is apparent that God gave us sexual intimacy so couples may mutually enjoy it, with
one another and also multiply the human race.
It is our responsibility to handle sexual intimacy according to the instructions of the
author and creator of the sexual act, and the thing we must understand is that sexual
intimacy, was created by God exclusively for matrimony. Fornication and adultery are
sins that create grave consequences in the family.
SEX IS A GIFT FROM GOD FOR MATRIMONIES
Sexual relations should be a sublime gift, which involves the spirit, soul and body, and
should contain the entire spiritual, emotional and sensual components so it can be

www.atlastfree.com

58

genuinely pleasant to the maximum level. With that said and done it is only possible
within matrimony.
Sex is more than a physical act. Satisfying sexual relations is a reflection of a good
relationship in all the other aspects. It is the culmination of all that is good in
matrimony.
Sexual intimacy as well as the love in matrimony was established to function in
conjunction with the well being of the partner not of oneself. When both partners
understand that, sexual pleasure is better accomplished.
When we concentrate foremost in other aspects of our form of relationship, our sex life
is better. Example: communication, affirmative words, acts of kindness, attention,
tolerance, understanding and genuine interest in the needs of your spouse, etc.
Levels of conjugal relationship:
Spiritual Relations > Affectionate Relationship > Intimacy
1. Spiritual Relations
Spiritual relations should be the first and highest level of intimacy. Couples know each
other better when they both give themselves to God. They can heighten their spiritual
intimacy while they pray together, praise god, or simply by analyzing spiritual teachings
and concepts. A good spiritual relationship prepares the environment for a good
affectionate relationship
2. Affectionate or Emotional Relationship.
Has to do with the daily personal relationships. As they demonstrate to their partner a
genuine interest in him or her, the greater the probability of acquiring an ideal emotional
unity. Mutually expressing feelings is very important, especially for women, because of
the their inclination to make love when the relationship is honest and loving.
If everyone complies with their responsibilities in the home, it generates an adequate
environment of peace and harmony, which is necessary to strengthen the emotional
relationship.

www.atlastfree.com

59

Verbal communication that is sincere and loving is essential for a healthy sexual
relationship. This implies spending time with your spouse conversing and being
together. That is very important for almost all women, surprisingly for women most
men can have sexual relations at almost any moment without regards to the quality of
the relationship. Generally women like to relate themselves with their partner verbal
intimacy prior to engaging in the physical act.
3- Physical Relationship
1Cor7:3-5

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife
unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and
likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. 5 Defraud ye not
one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting
and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
What God is establishing is a guide for couples to understand that their mission is to
satisfy one another, being the priority of the husband to take care and satisfy his wife,
and the women to satisfy her husband. This does not refer to an obligation but rather a
state of happiness for satisfying each other. For that reason the attitude should not be of
I have to do it even though I do not want to, but rather I will do it to obey God and to
gratify my husband or wife. This also helps avoid temptation of adultery.
When thinking of physical relations, think more in the point of view of touch, cuddling,
hugging kissing and courting. According to these studies we have come to the
conclusion that women need eight to twelve significant touches daily to maintain a high
level of energy, and to feel unity with her spouse: a hug, a squeezing of the hand, a pat
on the shoulder, and a loving kiss. There are approximately five million cells that are
sensitive to touch in the human body. God has made us with the need to feel a loving
touch. Nowhere is that more important than in a conjugal relationship.
An adequate touch puts into circulation, a gratifying and healthy flow, of chemical
elements that heal, in both the person who touches and in the one who is touched.
Studies have shown that people are healthier as a result of attention and a loving touch.
The Sexual Act:
Sex should be the final process in the act of intimacy. It should be like a sublime act of
surrender from one person to another.
www.atlastfree.com

60

There is no specific manual of positions, styles or words that we can read, do or say. All
famous theatrical plays have good actors, good scripts, good directors and good music. It
is the same with the sexual relationship with your spouse. You have to put interest,
concentration, music and flavor, to the matter.
In this world of responsibilities and obligations, God has given to us this marvelous and
spectacular gift. At the end of the day or some times at the beginning, we can touch, kiss
and give pleasure to one another, in a way that we can forget the rest of the world.
Be sure to provide the appropriate setting where it is peaceful, tranquil and allows
freedom. Experiment with your partner different types of touch to excite each other. Go
very slow. Guide your partner and ask which areas produce on them more pleasure. Not
all couples have the same taste or temperaments. For this reason, it is very important to
discuss the matter with absolute liberty so that you can enjoy the sexual relationship and
obtain the pleasure God designed for enjoying our marriage to the maximum.
10 Ways to stimulate sexual relations:
1. Communicate to your spouse at the end of the day in regards to your daily
activities. Turn the television set off during dinnertime to stimulate conversation.
At that time, allow phone calls to be answered by the answering machine, and
only attend emergencies.
2. Remember to have a time to pray together, for necessities as a couple and
especially for your sexual satisfaction.
3. Use your imagination and your creativity to surprise your partner: like a message,
leave a romantic note on the refrigerator door or just a special gift etc.
4. Establish a date at night, once a month, which is sacred.
5. If your work permits, plan having lunch together once a week.
6. Make plans to be alone together. Contract a babysitter to take care of the kids
once in a while so you can take some time to just talk.

www.atlastfree.com

61

7. Go to your childrens sporting events together. It is amazing how conversation is

easily started, when your Childs sporting event is being observed, or while
traveling to the game.
8. Read articles or magazines, or a book that may stimulate conversation together.
Read Christian material with topics in reference to sexual intimacy.
9. Write brief romantic notes frequently. Example: I have something really
incredible to tell you the next time we are together...
10. Once or twice a year make plans to go out alone for a whole weekend.
Write inside a circle, one or two ideas to begin working on immediately.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Remember that sexual relations, are enjoyed to its fullest when they contain these three
basic elements in this strict order:
Spiritual Intimacy, Emotional and Physical.
DEVELOP HABITS FOR A HEALTHY INTIMATE RELATION
To keep and maintain an enjoyable relation, that permits us to enjoy our marriage to the
maximum, we should make an effort, and be disciplined to acquire it. Everything that is
good in life requires work to obtain it. It is necessary to establish new habits in our
intimate lives to acquire a mutual satisfaction and to enjoy this precious gift from God.
For this reason we have designed the following questions for mutual partners with the
purpose of starting to implement these new habits of intimacy. The answers are very
personal, therefore you should answer in absolute intimacy. Separate from each other
for a few minutes so you can do it with honesty and compromise.
Question for men:
What will you do, to be more romantic with your spouse?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
www.atlastfree.com

62

_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
What steps will you take, to prepare your wife prior to sex?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Write and discuss with your spouse how you feel in that area. What would you like your
wife to do for you and how would you like to enjoy this gift of God with her.
Question for women:
What can you do to contribute more to the sexual needs of your husband and at the same
time enjoying yourself and gratifying God?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Write how you feel in this area and share it with him. What would you like him to do
for you to enjoy this gift from God together?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Take time this week to talk about what you have learned about this topic of intimacy,
putting into practice what was learned. Pray together asking God to teach you how to
enjoy more the spiritual, emotional and sexual relations.

www.atlastfree.com

63

www.atlastfree.com

64

CHAPTER 8
EDUCATING YOUR CHILDREN SUCCESSFULLY
children are a heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. Psalms
127: 3
What do your children mean to you? Answer and discuss.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
First, we need to understand with absolute clarity that our children are not OURS; they
belong to God. He entrusted us with their care, education and upbringing. Meanwhile,
we should enjoy going through the process with them. We must understand that parents
are accountable to God for the outcome of their children.
The following four Columns represent the elements that a Christian parent needs to
follow, in order to provide their children a balanced education and upbringing.
LOVE

INSTRUCTION

DISCIPLINE

LIVE BY EXAMPLE

Below we will breakdown each of these four bases to ensure we reach an equilibrium in
the education and development of our children.
1-LOVE
Loving our children means to be interested in meeting their needs, knowing their
strengths and weaknesses, and what they like and dislike. In that way, you will be able
to guide them and help them balance their attitudes.
The father, as priest and head of the household, should pronounce words of blessings
over his children daily; based on Numbers 6: 22-26 And the LORD spake unto Moses,
www.atlastfree.com

65

saying, Speak unto Aaron and unto his sons, saying, On this wise ye shall bless the
children of Israel, saying unto them, The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: The LORD
make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The LORD lift up his
countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.
Children that receive daily blessings from their parents grow healthier and more secure
of themselves. They grow to be a blessing to the entire family. To truly know our
children we need to invest time in them and we need to be attentive to their actions and
reactions. We need to listen attentively to them and decipher their thoughts in order, to
adequately guide them to a successful future.
Our strongest motivation for disciplining our children should be our true love for their
future success. Our desire is that they become good men and women, and that they may
have a happy life with the least amount of troubles. For these reasons, we need to
discipline them.
The word of God orders children to obey their parents and honor them, in Ephesians
6:1-3 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and
mother"which is the first commandment with a promise "that it may go well with
you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Our children should learn these principles starting when they are very young. It is a true
gift of love to teach them principles that will bring blessings to their lives.
Children need to learn to respect both parents equally. For this reason, parents must
never be disrespectful to each other in front of their kids, otherwise, thats what they will
learn and they will be deprived of the privilege of experiencing good principles that lead
to a joyful and blessed life.
2- INSTRUCTION
Meaning: To instruct, to tame with rules and precepts. That is what God wants parents
to do with their children.
Deuteronomy: 11: 18-20 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them
as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your
children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road,

www.atlastfree.com

66

when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses
and on your gates,
Our children learn in school science, mathematics, and about culture. But, they are not
taught to live a life of moral and spiritual principles. This is the parents mission.
The teaching of spiritual life values to your children will provide the emotional stability
necessary to face the world with wisdom and peace. Psalms 32: 8-9 I will instruct you
and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. Do not
be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit
and bridle
The Lord orders us to teach our children and for that He makes us a powerful promise:
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn
from it.

www.atlastfree.com

67

3- DISCIPLINE
DISCIPLINE = TO GOVERN OVER THE WILL OF YOUR CHILDREN
PURPOSE

TO BUILD THEIR CHARACTER

Ephesians 6: 4 4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them
up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Hebrew 12: 5-6 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto
children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art
rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son
whom he receiveth.
Disciplining is a sign of love. Consequently, Parents that do not discipline their children
do not show that they love them.
Hebrew 12: 7-8 if ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what
son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof
all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Proverbs 22: 15 says: Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of
correction shall drive it far from him.
Many parents believe that discipline is just talking and explaining things to their
children, but the truth is that this is not sufficient. Proverbs 23: 13-14 Withhold not
correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou
shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
The buttocks are the right place on the childs body to give them a spank. This part is
designed to cause the person pain that they can bear without causing physical or
emotional damage. Spanking is not recommended for children over twelve years old
and it should never be done with force and violence.
Some parents say: they are too little, I will wait until they are older and then they will
understand and then I will help them to come to their senses. But Proverbs 19: 18 says:
Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.

www.atlastfree.com

68

Some parents say that if they punish their children they will rebel. The Word of God
says in Proverbs 29: 17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give
delight unto thy soul.
Other parents say: I dont want to inhibit or deprive my children from anything. I want
them to grow freely and I will give them everything they desire while they are still small
children. But, the Word of God teaches us not to spoil our children in Proverbs 29: 15
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to
shame.
Many parents do not want to use a rod to punish their children because some parents
think it will cause the child too much pain. The parent fails to see that the pain from the
rod will only be temporary, yet it will avoid the enormous pain caused by an egotistical
personality the undisciplined child will acquire and exhibit in adulthood. Prov 20: 30
Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.
Children that are not disciplined at an early age and taught to submit to the authority of
the parents, will suffer greater DISCIPLINE later in life. Gods mighty Grace will
discipline this person at an older age, but not before suffering much more anguish and
pain due to his/her desire to live a selfish/egotistic life doing whatever they please.
Lamentations 3: 27 It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.
Childhood discipline will help evade pain and suffering in adulthood.
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DISCIPLINE OF THE CHILDREN?
This is the responsibility of the priest, the head of the household, that is, the father. It is
very common to see the mother play this role, but God established that it is the man who
has the authority and also the responsibility to exercise discipline. Occasionally, the
husband can delegate on the wife a disciplinary action, but he must oversee all
discipline in the household.
LEVELS OF DISCIPLINE:
LEVEL 1 = INSTRUCTION
Discipline begins when we communicate and teach good values to our children. Both,
New and Old Testaments support this fact and definition, including the three levels.

www.atlastfree.com

69

LEVEL 2 = TRAINING
Training means to guide, to prepare them and to assist them during their growth period.
This includes to help them develop good habits and be effective in life.
LEVEL 3 = CORRECTION
Correction means to alter or change the behavior of the child taking the necessary
measures to ensure that the child follows the instructions given. A child needs
correction when after knowing the correct instruction to follow, he decides not to follow
it. It is of great importance to take action at this level since this behavior affects their
sense of self-assurance and self-control in the future. To be firm and assertive with the
child is very important at this level.
DISCIPLINE VERSUS PUNISHMENT
There are many cases in the Bible where a distinction is made between discipline and
punishment. Parents are instructed to discipline their children, but not to hurt them.
The same way God will discipline one of his children and will not punish them. What is
the difference?
The definition of discipline includes instruction, training, and correction. This should be
motivated by love and care.
Discipline has the purpose of correcting the attitude of the child in relation to the childs
expected behavior in the future. Punishment instead, is execution of revenge or to make
them pay for something they did wrong.
Parents are called to discipline, but not to punish their children.
It is possible for a parent to use the same method of correction in disciplining or in
punishing a child. But, the difference is in the parents internal attitude. For example,
rage is part of punishment, but not part of discipline.
The root of the word discipline is disciple and it means apprentice.
Children are equipped with internal emotional radar that detects the adults intention
towards them. Actually, children can detect their parents anger even before the parents
realize that they are angry. Knowing how to control your anger is a necessary ability in

www.atlastfree.com

70

order for the parent to be able to apply discipline instead of punishment, or revenge on
their children.
Colossians 3: 21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be
discouraged.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
Try the following recommendations when feeling anger.
1- Do not rush to correct your children or hit them indiscriminately in any part of
their bodies. It is dangerous to punish your children while you are angry as this
could lead to abuse of a minor.
2- Walk away from your child until you calm down.
3- First, admit that you are angry, and ask the Lord to help you deal with it and to
gain control of your emotions.
4- Ask God to help you discern why you are angry in the first place. Sometimes you
are angry with yourself because you let this situation with your child go to far
without the proper correction.
5- Once you have calmed down, go to your child and take the action necessary to
discipline him. Important: If you have already disciplined you child with anger
the best way to correct the situation is by asking your child for forgiveness. Not
for disciplining the child, but for disciplining him with anger.
4-LIVE BY EXAMPLE / ROLE MODEL
This point is of vital importance in order to educate your children effectively. We
cannot ask our children to do what they dont see us do first.
John 13: 15 Jesus said: For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have
done to you.]
There is no substitute for the parents setting a good example in regards to good
attitudes we wish to teach our children. Most likely, the children will follow their
parents steps even if the children try to avoid it or hide it.
How can we expect our children to be polite and generous if we are nasty and greedy?
How can we expect children to say, thank you and please, when they never hear that
from their parents inside or outside their home? Children know when we say something
and do something different.

www.atlastfree.com

71

If you want your children to be obedient and submissive, you have to give them a good
example with your superiors at work, in church, and with any other authority. You
cannot expect your children to obey the authorities when you dont do it yourself, or you
model differently. Proverbs 22: 6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when
he is old, he will not depart from it.
What children learn today will stay in their minds forever; therefore, the need to instruct
them correctly begins from their early days of childhood.
How and what to teach our children?
Question: The first years of a childs life is the most important period of his educational
process. What is the most important thing that should be taught to a child during this
period?
Answer: They should be taught carefully and regularly every Christian truth from the
day they were born. The following are some of the most essential principles to be
taught:
1) Mark 12: 30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all
thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
Our Children should recognize that our Lord Jesus Christ should occupy the first place
in our lives. They should see us praying frequently, trusting God and being grateful
with God. Are we teaching this principle to our children?
2) Mark 12: 31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as
thyself.
Your children should learn to love and respect others through our example. Do they
learn through our example to love others, not to be selfish, and not to be critical of
others?
3) Ecclesiastes 12: 13: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole
duty of man.
Do your children learn to bow respectfully to the Almighty God of the universe? To
obey their parents as the Word of God demands us to do; so we are better prepared to
obey God in the future? Do children learn to despise lies?

www.atlastfree.com

72

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION AND CARE TO ADOLESCENTS

Todays adolescents, starting from 12 year olds have a great struggle because a typical
condition of their age is that they are no longer children; but they are not adults either.
They are easyly influenced by their peers, fashion, and the social environment.
Invest quality time in activities that satisfy their interest. Pray with them and bless their
projects, activities, their dreams, and their future. Tell them constantly, that you love
them and how important they are to you.
Listen carefully to what they say, in order for you to be able to warn them of any
possible danger ahead, and consequences of their decisions. Always leave room for
them to make their own decisions with respect to important matters related to their lives,
and give them your wisdom, advice, and support.
It is important at this stage of your childrens life to help them earn the parents trust
and give them a reasonable amount of freedom. You must be patient, but at the same
time be firm on those things that you cant afford to concede. Never embarrass your
children in public. If you have to correct them, do it in private. Parents must grant
permission for their childrens activities as a team, never individually.
Avoid overprotecting your children and never underestimate their personal qualities,
gifts, and talents.
It is of vital importance to assign them responsibilities that they can handle and that
require some effort from their part.
Bring your children with you to church and encourage them to get involved in the youth
groups, this way they will develop healthy friendships that will help them grow. Be part
of all the artistic and sport activities that your children are involved in.

www.atlastfree.com

73

To be a parent is to share with our children and listen to them, in order to help guide
them in making decisions in life. It is to teach them to find their abilities and talents, so
they can develop successfully in their future life. It is to be a good role model by living
Christian principles, which will guarantee your children a better way to live their life in
the future.
EXERCISE:
Answer the following questions and discuss:
What are the four basic educational elements for your children and which one do you
need to put into practice?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
How important is it to live by example, or to be a role model for your children?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
What is the difference between discipline and punishment?
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
Talk to your children and tell them about the need and convenience of living a
disciplined life.
Pray together with your children asking God for wisdom, so you may always make
correct decisions according to Gods will and purpose.
Repeat this Prayer out loud:
Dear Heavenly Father, instruct us to teach our children, to guide them through the path
of truth, justice and honor. Teach us not to despair, instead to understand our children
and provide them with a loving home, filled with peace and security that will guarantee
their emotional stability, which they need to accomplish their mission in this world
according to your will and purpose. We decide to establish Your government in our
homes, so Your promises will come true in our family. In Jesus Christ name,
Amenand Amen.
www.atlastfree.com

74

Take a few minutes to talk about your childrens education, and practicing what you
have learned, and remember to pray together every day for your marriage and for your
children.

Chapter 9

THE LANGUAGES OF LOVE

Love is the pillar that sustains the personal relationships, especially in a marriage. Deep
within, every human being feels the need to be intimate and desires to feel loved by
someone. When the desire for love is fulfilled, we create an atmosphere where the
couple can handle everyday tasks much more productively. We are willing to climb
mountains, swim across rivers, travel through the desert and withstand all difficulties in
the name of love.
THE LOVE TANK
Our most basic need is not to fall in love, but to be truly loved. To know that we are not
loved solely on instinct, but that we are loved for a reason and of free choice. This type
of love requires effort and discipline. The experts have assigned the name The Love
Tank to the emotional deposits in our minds and hearts, which will make us act and
function in life depending on how full our level is. When that tank of emotions is full
we feel secure, the world is brighter, and we are able to achieve our highest potential.
But when that tank is empty, we feel unwanted, the world becomes a dark place, and it is
unlikely that we will reach our full potential.
HOW TO MAINTAIN THE LOVE TANK SUFFICIENTLY FULL?
Many couples, will attempt in different ways to maintain the emotional level in there
relationship, but unfortunately most fail and abandon their efforts. In the following, we
will tell you about a surprising discovery that has helped many marriages to raise the
level of emotions in the love tank and enjoy there relationship to the maximum capacity
once again. Needles to say, this modern physiological discovery is based on basic
biblical principals exposed to us by the Designer and Creator of the universe, in the
manual of Life: The Bible, in 1Corinthians 13: 1-2. If I speak in the tongues[a] of men
and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I
www.atlastfree.com

75

have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a
faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
In love, the emotional language of your spouse can be as different as the Spanish and
Chinese languages. A great number of marriages end because they believe that they are
not compatible, but in reality what happens is, couples expect there partners to show the
same emotional language as they do, not realizing that there is difference.
Doctor Gary Chapman, who specializes in physiology and particularly in marital and
family counseling, has discovered 5 different basic languages that exist in human
relationships. If we want to be effective in communicating our love, we must be willing
to learn the emotional language of our spouse.
What would you say is your love level is in your tank? Write and discuss.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
What have you done to fill up your partners love tank? Write and discuss.
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
It is to find a way of expressing our love utilizing words of edification. When we are
stimulated by kind words we in turn are motivated to make our partners happy. We
should use kind words that encourages and reinforces positive values. For example,
saying thank you to your wife for the care that she gives to you and your children. you
can also make it a point to tell her that shes looking beautiful or that you like the way
she decorates the house, etc.
The wife, in turn, can encourage her husband with affirmative words such as, thanking
him for making her feel safe or letting him know that she appreciated the manner in
which he behaved in a specific situation. Encourage her husband by telling him that
shes convinced that he can reach his life goals, etc. These words of affirmation are
especially important for those who have low self esteem caused by problems in their
past.
www.atlastfree.com

76

2. QUALITY TIME
This is time that we dedicate to one another, paying full attention to each other. Its the
time in which the union can be manifested; by this we dont mean just physically, but
also a true partnership (companion, communion), a comprehensive dialogue, in which
both can communicate experiences, thoughts, and emotions, in a friendly and
uninterrupted manner. This language of love, expresses our full attention when we listen
to the other persons needs.
Some people can spend a large amount of time together, but that time is not necessarily
quality time. For example, that time may be time spent watching TV, but that doesnt
bring them any closer, nor does it help them grow together. True quality time, although
it may be short, will feel as if it werent, when we engage in a deep communication of
feelings and we give our full attention to the other person.
3. RECEIVING GIFTS
Gifts are visual symbols of love. In this method we express the importance of the other
person in our lives. The material value is not important, whats important is the
manifestation of how significant our spouse is to us and how much they are in our
thoughts, expressing it with love, in the time and effort invested in selecting a gift. The
most important thing in this language is that the other person can realize the effort and
time invested to select said gift. The gift can even be a simple letter in which you show
the time and love invested in writing to your loved one. Whats important is that the
other person appreciates the effort invested.
4. ACTS OF SERVICE
These consist in doing the things that we know our spouse likes, take pleasure in, and
enjoys. Its a method of expressing our love for him/her doing things for him/her.
It should be a spontaneous act and not forced, because love should be given freely.
These are acts that require planning, time, effort, and energy. They are true expressions
of love when they are done with a positive spirit. For example, a wife can be very
appreciative when her husband shares the chores of the home, like washing the dishes,
cooking once in a while, or help in fixing up the home, decorating, etc. For man it is
important for example, when his wife shows her love for him by ironing his clothes,
cooking that special dish he likes to eat. helps washing the car, etc.
www.atlastfree.com

77

5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
This is a powerful vehicle to communicate marital Love. This includes holding hands,
kissing, and caressing. Not necessarily a sexual touch, but more a physical contact that
transmits love and protection to whoever receives it. Some people feel their emotional
love tank with these expressions of physical contact and in this way they are reassured
of their spouses love. Men in general make the grave error of believing that the physical
touch is their main language simply because they have a great desire for an intense
sexual relationship. For the male, a sexual relationship is based on the physical aspect.
In turn for the woman, the sexual desire is rooted in their emotions. If she feels
appreciated and admired by her husband then she will have a desire to be intimate with
him. For this reason many men believe that the physical touch is their Love language
only if it leads to sex. If they do not experience the same feeling of satisfaction through a
non-sexual physical touch, then they wont consider the physical touch to be there love
language.
DISCOVER THE PRINCIPAL LANGUAGE OF YOUR SPOUSE
It is important that we make an effort to discover our spouses love language, but we
should make sure that we understand our own. For some, this wont be an easy task, but
if we make an effort to pay attention we will be able to distinguish their language. In
general, the language in which you try to make your spouse feel good, is your own
language, and for that reason you believe he/she should be pleased. In most cases this
does happen because this is not his/her language.
Discuss and discover your individual languages so you came make good use of this tool
in your marital relationship.
REMENBER: LOVE IS A DECISION
In 1st Corinthian 13: 4-8: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

www.atlastfree.com

78

How can we speak in the other persons language of love if we are filled with pain,
anger, and resentment because of past problems? The answer to this question is in the
true essence of our nature.
We are creatures of decisions. We have the capacity to ask for forgiveness for the hurt
we have caused our spouse and make a decision to change our future.
LOVE DOES NOT ERASE THE PAST,
BUT IT WILL MAKE FOR A DIFFERENT FUTURE.
When we decide to have active expressions of love in the language of our spouses, we
create an emotional atmosphere that permits us to deal and treat the emotional faults and
conflicts of the past. To fulfill the emotional needs for love of your partner, is a decision
you should make on a daily basis. If you already know your partners language of love
and you decide to speak in that language, your partners love tank will be filled and your
partner will reward you by speaking to you in your language.
Our actions precede our emotions, when we decide to fill the emotional needs of our
spouse and we speak to them in their love language, their tank is then full and as a
reward, our emotions will be fulfilled.
LETS DISCOVER OUR LOVE LANGUAJES.
What is it, that makes you feel loved by your spouse?
_______________________________________________________________________
What does your spouse do, does not do, or say that deeply hurts your feelings?
_______________________________________________________________________
What do I most often ask of my spouse?
_______________________________________________________________________
What do you say or do to express your love for your spouse?
_______________________________________________________________________
At this time take a moment to write what you believe to be your love language. Then
number the other 4 in the order of importance and share this information with one
another.
www.atlastfree.com

79

My spouses love language is:

_____________________________________________________
Followed by- ______________ _______________ __________________
What will I do to demonstrate my love for my wife/husband in their own language?
BEGIN TO FILL THE LOVE TANK OF YOUR SPOUSE
Once we have discovered our love language, then we are ready to initiate a campaign to
stimulate and make the level of our emotional tanks grow. We suggest that you use the
following game on a daily basis for a period of 3 weeks. The game is called Measuring
the Tank and its played in the following manner: When you get home, one of the
spouses will ask the other: on a scale of 0 to 10, how is your love tank tonight? 0
meaning empty, 10 meaning full.
You would read your own tank and comment on how full it is. Your spouse would then
say. What can I do to fill it up? And you would make a suggestion. Your spouse will
respond to your request in the best way possible. Then repeat the process in reverse so
you both can have the same opportunity. If you repeat this process for 3 weeks you will
both be delighted with the results. This is a fun way to stimulate the expressions of love
in a marriage.
Pray for the Lord to give you knowledge, so that you can take good care of each others
love languages.

www.atlastfree.com

80

Chapter 10

A Healthy Marriage
Developing Habits
Having and maintaining a healthy marriage is the objective you obtain when you
develop habits that consolidate your behavior and attitude.
All the principles we have learned must become firm life habits so that it guarantees a
new lifestyle in our marriage and family.
There is no specific recipe. Remember, the base for a healthy marriage is an attitude of
sincere love, always looking after your spouses happiness instead of yours.
To obtain this, you must include the spiritual life to your marriage, developing the most
important habit: Pray together.
For the men
1 Cor. 11:7 A man ought not to cover his head,[a] since he is the image and glory of
God; but the woman is the glory of man.
This means that men should understand that they are the ones to manifest Gods image
to his wife and kids. That is why in this booklet we have tried to establish the
importance of mans identity as Gods representative, as husband, as father and as an
active leader of society. This means that man should have the initiative to manage all
domestic matters.
For the women
Womens function is to be a suitable helper for her husband. This means helping him
see the different aspects of a situation, supporting him in all decisions, submit to him,
protect him with prayer permanently. Accompany and be with him in everything.

www.atlastfree.com

81

Attitudes and habits you should establish and strengthen in your marital life
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Pray together daily

Be aware that our mates happiness is first
Go out together at least once a week to socialize as a couple
Do not assume anything. Make sure you let your spouse know that you love her/him.
Never say anything that embarrasses your spouse.
Be aware of the positive things about your spouse, no matter how insignificant they
may seem, and let him know.
7. Take an interest in your spouse. Revitalize and strengthen his/her self esteem.
8. Never ridicule your spouse.
9. Share interests together. Have fun together, increase positive interactions any way
possible. Invest time enjoying each other and doing everything you like together.
10. Develop the ability to laugh, joke and have fun. Share your feelings and experiences
with your spouse.
11. Practice romance permanently. Men should take the initiative, but the women can
contribute on this aspect; do not assume. Always be affectionate and not only when
you want to have sex (especially men). Practice acts of tenderness, details, nice
words, written messages, hugs, etc.
12. Even if you have problems in your marriage, the important thing is to develop the
capacity to resolve them and generate more positive interactions.
13. Practice empathy which is sincere identification with your spouse, accepting each
other mutually for who they are. This doesnt mean to be in agreement in everything,
but agree to pay attention. Even if we are different, we are willing to give in, learn
and depend on each other.

Do you think this is difficult to attain?

Mark 9:23 says" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who
believes."
Review this manual together, along with your bible, and use it as a permanent consulting
instrument.
Now, get ready to share what you learned with other families. Remember, it is better to
give than to receive. Also, remember that you receive the most when you give.

www.atlastfree.com

82

To share all the knowledge acquired here and the experiences with the other couples will
help you to strengthen your relationship with your mate and your family and you will be
contributing to your community, helping to improve the quality of life of other families,
neighbors, friends, co-workers, etc.
If you would like to give this seminar to other couples, tell your facilitators and let them
know your wishes. They will show you how to do it.
We congratulate you for your disposition to help other families learn these life
principles, so that it will improve their relationships like you have done.
Final Exercise:
Now, hold your hands, look into your eyes and express to each other all the noble and
edifying things that you could say. Mutually confirm the decision to guard the marriage
and make it an enjoyable environment for both, putting into practice all you have
learned, but above all, asking the Lord to be the center of your lives and family.
Take about 20 minutes for this time of intimacy.
Congratulations!
For having completed the marriage seminar
Free to Love
Enjoy it!

www.atlastfree.com

83

What has impacted you the most in this seminar?

What are you going to do to put into practice what you have learned in order to enjoy
your marriage to the fullest?

What do you understand as Grace?

How can you apply Grace on your Marriage?

www.atlastfree.com

84