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Did you ever wish you were somebody else? This line from one of my all time favorite songs is one
that I think most people would have to answer with a yes.
Who hasnt, at one point or another, wished they had the badass martial arts skills of
Bruce Lee, or the incredible panty-dropping charm of Californications Hank Moody?
It is a wonderful thing to have role models, and to emulate others in order to achieve
similar results. Thats just smart.
But it is another thing entirely to want to be somebody else. There is a fundamental
distinction between wishing to have certain qualities of another person and wishing to
actually be that other person.
This desire to be another person is a form of escapism, which is a very unhealthy way of
coping with the challenges in your life. The caricature of an unpopular nerd, heavily
addicted to role-playing games, is a perfect example of this. Picture the character Augie
from David Wains brilliant and hilarious film Role Models.
But you need not be that far removed to experience the negative effects of shrinking
away from reality. Escapism, or withdrawing from the pressures of the real world into a
safer fantasy world, is pervasive in our culture. It comes in many forms, some rather
subtle, and prevents us from doing what we need to do to improve the circumstances of
our real lives
lower need for cognition, or, in other words, to prevent them from thinking1.
Escapism is the opposite of mindfulness.
Escapism allows us to numb ourselves to a reality that we do not want to accept. For
example, this actual-ideal self-discrepancy predicts pathological gaming, where the
gamer can pretend to be somebody else2. It allows us to avoid feelings of shame or
emotional pain. By imagining ourselves as someone who doesnt have the constraints
that we do, or who possesses something that we lack, we can experience that life
without having to do the work (and have the luck) necessary to achieve it.
For most people, these fantasies are localized to one or a few specific areas, as opposed
to fantasies of being an entirely different person. For men, a common fantasy realm is
that where their success with women is far greater than it is in real life. They imagine
themselves as being able to get any woman they want (excessive porn use likely
reinforces this fantasy), so the dearth of romance in their life doesnt hurt as much.
Escapism is a way of attempting to negate our personal responsibility and to avoid the
discomfort of existential angst that we all must deal with. We are ultimately responsible
for all the decisions that we make and the actions that we take, but living in a fantasy
world is a way of absolving ourselves of the consequences of our actions. To the escape
artist, real life is no longer their problem.
The Difference Between Medicine and Poison is in the Dose by Circa Survive
Did you ever wish you were somebody else? This line from one of my all time
favorite songs is one that I think most people would have to answer with a yes.
Who hasnt, at one point or another, wished they had the badass martial arts skills of Bruce Lee,
or the incredible panty-dropping charm of Californications Hank Moody?
It is a wonderful thing to have role models, and to emulate others in order to achieve
similar results. Thats just smart.
But it is another thing entirely to want to be somebody else. There is a fundamental
distinction between wishing to have certain qualities of another person and wishing to
actually be that other person.
This desire to be another person is a form of escapism, which is a very unhealthy way of
coping with the challenges in your life. The caricature of an unpopular nerd, heavily
addicted to role-playing games, is a perfect example of this. Picture the character Augie
from David Wains brilliant and hilarious film Role Models.
But you need not be that far removed to experience the negative effects of shrinking
away from reality. Escapism, or withdrawing from the pressures of the real world into a
safer fantasy world, is pervasive in our culture. It comes in many forms, some rather
subtle, and prevents us from doing what we need to do to improve the circumstances of
our real lives.
Escapism allows us to numb ourselves to a reality that we do not want to accept. For
example, this actual-ideal self-discrepancy predicts pathological gaming, where the
gamer can pretend to be somebody else2. It allows us to avoid feelings of shame or
emotional pain. By imagining ourselves as someone who doesnt have the constraints
that we do, or who possesses something that we lack, we can experience that life
without having to do the work (and have the luck) necessary to achieve it.
For most people, these fantasies are localized to one or a few specific areas, as opposed
to fantasies of being an entirely different person. For men, a common fantasy realm is
that where their success with women is far greater than it is in real life. They imagine
themselves as being able to get any woman they want (excessive porn use likely
reinforces this fantasy), so the dearth of romance in their life doesnt hurt as much.
Escapism is a way of attempting to negate our personal responsibility and to avoid the
discomfort of existential angst that we all must deal with. We are ultimately responsible
for all the decisions that we make and the actions that we take, but living in a fantasy
world is a way of absolving ourselves of the consequences of our actions. To the escape
artist, real life is no longer their problem.
I would consider escapism a form of behavioral addiction. In fact, many of the escapist
methods are indeed addictions, including gambling and overuse of the internet.
Addictions can be tough to break, particularly when there is an emotional component
behind them. Its not merely being addicted to a fantasy, but the challenge of getting
over thereasons why youve constructed that fantasy in the first place. Breaking the
habit/addiction is only so effective when you still have something youre running from;
more likely than not, without dealing with the underlying issue, you will merely shift to
another escapist behavior or fantasy.
With that out of the way, how can you best return to reality after being stuck in a
fantasy world for so long?
about whatever may be lacking. You can even target your gratitude; the guy with the
stud fantasy can be grateful that he lives in a world with so many beautiful women.
When you cultivate an abundance mentality, the need for a fantasy world simply
dissolves.
over, even if it is in some trivial way. A good example of this would be to move the salt
shaker just a little bit when sitting down at a table in a restaurant.
Conclusion
According to video game designer Jane McGonigal, there are500 million people alive
today whove logged at least 10,000 hours in game worlds, and that number is growing
rapidly [EDIT: Im not quite sure how she arrived at that number, and Greg pointed out
in the comments how ridiculous it sounds. Take this statistic with a grain of salt.].
Society is becoming increasingly escapist, and I believe this is leading to a surge in
psychological issues. Perhaps that could explain the recent incident where two 12-year
old girls from Wisconsin stabbed their classmate 19 times as a tribute to the fictional
horror meme Slender Man.
This isnt to say that fantasy will turn you into a homicidal maniac, or even that all
fantasy is bad. On the contrary, there is such a thing as a healthy fantasy world; its just
harder to come by.
For it to be healthy, you must be accessing these fantasy worlds with a positive
intention and from a place of emotional security, rather than as an attempt to escape
reality. The intention is key. If you are merely trying to make negative feelings go away,
and you do it reflexively, you are practicing escapism. If you use fantasy as an
occasional means of taking a mental break from the stressors of life, that is fine. And
even better, if you use it to explore your imagination, you can gain access to a wider
range of ideas and possible solutions to issues you may be having than you would by
strictly adhering to reality.
Ultimately, it comes down to your mindset. If you are running away from reality, you
will suffer the consequences. But if you are accessing another world in order to gain
some insights to bring back to reality, you will profit.
Footnotes:
1. http://www.berndhenning.de/joc-nfc.pdf
2. http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/cyber.2010.0463
3. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3035563/
4. http://link.springer.com/article/10.1023/A:1026440304695
5. http://journals.lww.com/jonmd/Abstract/1990/08000/Avoidant_Coping_Predicts_Psychological_Disturbance.10.aspx
6. http://69.164.208.4/files/Internet%20Over-Users%20Psychological%20Profiles
%20A%20Behavior%20Sampling%20Analysis%20on%20Internet%20Addiction.pdf
7. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0747563204002250
8. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3004674/?iframe=true&width=100%25&height=100%25
9. http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140197110000370
10. http://online.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/109493101300210303
11. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3234167/
12. http://repository.cmu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1100&context=hcii&seiredir=1&referer=http%3A%2F%2Fscholar.google.com%2Fscholar%3Fstart%3D30%26q%3Dinternet%2Buse%2C%2Btv%2C%
2Band%2Bdepression%26hl%3Den%26as_sdt%3D0%2C50#search=%22internet%20use%2C%20tv%2C%20depression%22