Small Group Counseling with Adopted Children

by Lori Riefberg Kizner , Scott R. Kizner

Adopted children make up a disproportionately large number of children in psychological
distress. (Brodzinsky, Schechter, & Henig, 1992). The themes of loss, grief, and a lifelong
search for one's self are prevalent in the adoption literature. We support the belief that children
need to have as much information as possible about the circumstances of their adoption. Often
information that the parents are withholding from their child is the piece that would make the
situation come together and make sense for the child. We believe that eventually the complete
story of the adoption needs to be shared with the children. Parents are the best people to share
this information and need to do so in a loving and supportive way.
It is usually the middle childhood years that children begin to ask questions about their birth
parents and the circumstances of their adoption (Melina, 1986). Talking about the child's
adoption acknowledges that the child has a history and communicates the idea that it is
acceptable to think and talk about it. Group sessions offered to children at the elementary
school age can help children understand that their thoughts and feelings about adoption are
shared by other adopted children and that it is okay to talk about them. The group can serve as
a safety net during a somewhat difficult time when children are concerned about how they
measure up to their peers. Therefore, the following outline was developed for a group
counseling unit for elementary school children who have joined their families through
adoption. The group was conducted for students in grades kindergarten through three. The
group originated from an adopted student who had some questions and concerns about his
adoption. Upon consideration of forming a group for adopted children, it was learned that
there were six students in the school who had been adopted. A note was put in the school
newsletter that included information about the support groups being offered by the counselor,
including a proposed new group for children who have joined their families through adoption.
Interested parents were asked to contact the school counselor within a week for further
information or to arrange a meeting with the counselor. Within 2 days, all of the parents who
had adopted children called the counselor about the group. Individual meetings were held
with each family to discuss the group. All ideas and suggestions were welcomed. The parents
expressed concerns regarding not knowing how much information they should provide for
their child about his or her birth family and other issues related to past experiences with birth
families and foster families. Also some of the children had very vivid memories of abuse and
neglect. The parents had questions about how to address these issues. One couple said that
their son had been fantasizing about his birth mother, and they shared how this made them
feel. Some of the parents expressed an interest in maintaining regular contact with the school
counselor, and others did not. The counselor's intention, however, was to maintain
communication with the parents as she proceeded with the group.
The group included four girls and two boys ranging in age from 6 to 10. There was one pair of
siblings in the group, in addition to their biological sibling who did not reside with them. This
third child knew she shared the same birth parents with the two siblings, however, she had
little contact with them. Once child came from Russia, where she had lived in a children's
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home after being neglected by her parents. Another child lived in a series of foster homes
before being adopted by her foster parents. She had clear memories of her early life with her
birth mother.
The Adoption Group
The following section presents 12 sessions planned for the adopted children. The sessions
were designed in cooperation with the children's parents. Session 1
Objectives. Establish rules and get acquainted. Procedure. The counselor goes over the rules
for group behavior. These include (a) I will keep what we talk about confidential (this term is
explained), (b) I will wait for my turn to talk and listen when others talk, (c) I won't tease or
put other people down, and (d) I will attend all sessions unless I'm absent from school.
Each student is given a 3" x 5" card with a clock on it. This indicates the day and time of the
weekly group and serves as a reminder.
Description of the group. The counselor explains that this is a group for children who have
been adopted. The students will be learning more about adoption and sharing their ideas and
feelings with each other.
Ice Breaker. Students are given five M&M candies. Each person says something about
himself and then eats an M&M. This continues until each member has shared five things
about himself. (The number of M&M's can vary depending on the amount of time available.)
Sessions 2 & 3
Objectives. Introduce and explain terminology related to adoption. Allow students to begin to
draw similarities and connections among their situations.
Procedure. The group begins with a "go around." Each student is asked to share something
that happened this week. The students can be asked to talk about a time this week when they
felt happy, sad, or proud, and so forth.
The group reads a book about adoption that is developmentally appropriate. This group read
Why Was I Adopted?, by Carole Livingston (1978). The counselor pauses throughout the
reading to clarify or invite discussion. About 2 weeks may be needed to read the book and
allow enough time for discussion, interacting, and sharing.
Session 4
Objective. To encourage the students to explore and share their feelings.
Procedure. The group opens with a "go around." The students take turns talking about what
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they are thankful for. (This group occurred during Thanksgiving time.)
The students begin to write their "Life books." The counselor shows the students a sample life
book, which was developed to allow students the opportunity to share significant points in
their lives and to integrate their past, present, and future. The counselor asks the students to
draw a picture of themselves on the title page. Students are permitted to talk quietly while
they are drawing. This informal sharing time can be a positive experience for the students as
they share information about themselves and learn from the other group members.
Session 5
Objective. To help students look at their lives from a broad perspective, integrating their past
and present. Procedure. The students complete an autobiography page. Included on this page
are sentence completions about birth date, place of birth, age when student was adopted,
important people in his or her life, and favorite activities. Younger students may need
assistance with this task, but are asked to orally discuss their answers with the counselor.
(Some of the information needed to be gathered from parents and some was unknown.)
The counselor invites the students to bring something they would like to share to next week's
group. Photo albums, scrapbooks, home videos, or other memorabilia were given as examples
of items that could be shared.
Sessions 6 & 7
Objectives. To allow students the opportunity to share significant memories and events from
their past. To foster student's self-esteem by helping them feel special and important.
Procedure. The group opens with a "go around". Each student is asked to share any new
information they learned from their parents that they can add to their autobiographies.
The students take turns sharing the items they brought to the group (2 weeks are allowed for
this activity). This was a very special activity, as the group saw "homecomings," shared
stories of celebrating "gotcha day" (the anniversary of the day the adopted child came home to
be with their family), and shared poignant memories.
Session 8:
Objective. To explore and express feelings. To help students integrate information about their
past.
Procedure. The group opens with a "go around." A feeling puppet is passed around and
students talk about how they are feeling about the group.
The students complete a page in their life book about their birth family. The group members
can use this opportunity to talk about what they know, do not know, and want to know about
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their birth families. The children wanted to know such things as what their birth parents
looked like, where they were born, and why they were given up for adoption. A few of the
parents had more information than they thought their child was ready to hear. When the
children began to talk about their questions more openly, the parents felt more comfortable
sharing and talking with the children about their birth families, past experiences and other
related subjects.
Session 9
Objectives. To use art as a means of expression and communication. To help the students
process what their family means to them.
Procedure. The students are given felt, clothespins, magnetic strips, and glitter glue. They
make a holiday magnet for their families using these materials.
The students complete the "My family is special to me" page in their life books. Each student
draws a family picture and shares this with the group as we talk about what makes our
families special.
Session 10
Objectives. To use a therapeutic game in order to initiate discussion related to adoption issues.
Procedure. The group members participate in a "go around," sharing something about the
holidays. The group sits on the floor and plays the game Family Happenings (Boardman &
Boardman, 1983). This game is built around questions related to family issues. Some of the
questions used were "What is the one thing you would most want your adoptive parent to
know about how you feel?"; "How would you feel if your parents adopted a new baby?";
"Describe the perfect family."; and "What might bother someone the most after having found
out that they were adopted?" In the absence of the game, these questions could be asked in a
different format. Another option would be to play another game that focuses on feelings and
family issues.
Session 11
Objectives. To encourage expression of feelings and thoughts about one's life. To utilize
additional media resources as a way of continuing the idea that it is okay to talk about
adoption.
Procedure. The students draw a picture of something they remember from the past on a "time
machine mirror" page. They are told that it can be any memory they choose. Some may draw
pictures of memories of their birth families and others draw memories of their adoptive
families.
The group watches a Reading Rainbow videotape about adoption, focusing on the book
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Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies (Turner, 1990). The book is a good stimulus for
discussing feelings related to adoption.
Session 12
Objectives. To close the group with an enjoyable activity. To provide the students with the life
book that allows them to express their feelings and thoughts and gives them permission to ask
questions. Procedure. The students are asked to share "something that makes you feel this
way." The counselor presents various feelings words on cards, and each child takes turns
sharing.
The group shares a snack and says their good-byes. The group members are told that the
group will meet occasionally next year to keep in touch. The group will meet around the time
of holidays-Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines-to make holiday crafts, play a
game, or talk about what is happening in their lives.
Conclusion
Adoption can be a complicated issue. Adopted children may have a need to talk about issues
and feelings related to their adoption. Brodzinsky et al. (1992) point out that as school-age
children begin to understand the logical implications of adoption, they start to feel a sense of
loss for the parents and the family they never knew. Even if they were adopted as an infant,
even if they never met their birth mother and have no recollection of her, they still experience,
at least to some degree, a sense of loss; they still grieve.
The counselor and group members can help the children work through some of these hurt
feelings. It was found that, as in any group, some children were more ready to share their
feelings and questions than others. However, it is believed that all children were able to
benefit from the group. This group was made of children in grades K-3. We believe that
similar counseling groups could be adapted to meet the needs of older children. Brodzinsky, et
al. (1992) sum it up with the following statement: "Just as school-age children attempt to gain
control and mastery in school, sports, and social relationships, they also attempt to integrate
into their emerging self-concepts the idea of being adopted." This group served as a starting
point for this integration to occur.
-1Questia, a part of Gale, Cengage Learning. www.questia.com
Publication Information: Article Title: Small Group Counseling with Adopted Children.
Contributors: Lori Riefberg Kizner - author, Scott R. Kizner - author. Journal Title: Professional
School Counseling. Volume: 2. Issue: 3. Publication Year: 1999. Page Number: 226+. 1999
American Counseling Association. Provided by ProQuest LLC. All Rights Reserved.