BONUS SHIT

This is a collection of stuff that for various reasons

nobody has seen or will ever see print .
UNCLE SPUNK NUGGET: The first strip. Pulled from the Shiznit
in an effort to tone the content down. Enjoy it here in all its spunky
glory.

ATOMISER: A sick, sick cover for an Australian comic that never

ran. The theme for that issue was ‘father’

BEARD: originally for issue 2 of MBLEH! I held it back because

a wanker promised me and others that he was publishing
an new anthology of Irish comics which never happened. The art
work is weird but the story is smashing

The Truth about Irish comics: A handful of people may have

seen in this on various websites. This is probably the quickest page
I’ve ever done.

Dennis the Menace: A try out for the Beano

Rough for the cover of MBLEH! # 4

 ARRR!! GULP!
GIVE ME ALL CERTAINLY
YOUR CASH MISTER, I’LL
LADDY OR I’LL JUST FETCH
CARVE YOU A MY WALLET!
NEW SHIT
DIMPLE!

THIS
LOOKS LIKE
A JOB FOR
UNCLE SPUNK
NUGGET!

WAKEY OH ‘FRAID
WAKEY UNCKY BILLY MY NOT!
SPUNK! I’M IN A DEAR BOY WON’T
BIT OF A PICKLE YOU EVER LET
HERE AND NEED ME REST?
YOUR JIZZY
HELP

SO HMMM......
WHAT WARRANTS HYPOTHALAMUS,
THIS MIDNIGHT LOWER MEDULLA,
FRONTAL CORTEX,
WANKY WAKE UP IT’S VITAL I MAKE
CALL MY DEAR THE RIGHT INCISION
BOY? TO PLACATE THIS
BEAST.....

THIS
BULLY NEEDS
A SLIGHT
ATTITUDE
ADJUSTMENT

OH
THANKS UNCLE! NOW FIDDLE
YOU BETTER GET BACK STICKS!
IN THE DADDY BAG ‘COS
I’M DUE MY MORNING
WANK IN THREE HOURS

www.clamnuts.com

scopophobia: the fear of people looking
at you. i fear the initial reaction of
the people i work with. i can see them
now; bunched around the water cooler
swapping their bitchy office gossip.
they'd get about 3 weeks out of
it if i lost the beard
www.clamnuts.com
8
197
R
SAJE
FMAN”
“WOL
MATT
but i can' t
am i ashamed of my face? am i afra id
of change? just what is it!?
i'm a rational man, so why have i got
this mental block when it comes to
losing the bear d? is there somet hing on
my face that i've forgotten about?
a purple birthmark or a crude
homemade tattoo or something?
nah.... i know...
....deep down i know.....
beards....bear ds.....beards....heh, last we ek my
kid asked me what irony means. it threw me,
how do you explain irony to a nine yea r old?
what would your def init ion be? i came up
with this: irony is t he fact that the drummer
out of zz top is called "jimmy beard" but he's
the only member of the band w ithout one
PHARMACO
heh....probably the wit tiest
thing i'll eve r say!
 but i still wimped out.
OPERATION: PHASE OUT
no turni ng
back now! i suddenly realised that my kid
won't recogn ise me so i shaved
off eve rything except a
moustache. it then dawned on
me that i could have gotten
rid of it gradually bit by bit;

1 first t he full
beard

2 then a goatee
with lambchops

then a sort of
3 droopy 'wild west
outlaw' look
then a handle bar
4 moustache with no
sideburns

5 then the chaplin/

hitler/shr eddie

6 and lastly, the

fresh faced
smooth ie

my wife had no objections

seems she was indulging in

the same guilty th rill of
sleeping w ith a stranger
that i feel every time she
colours her hair ......

i drifted of f into a peaceful

sleep t hat sunday night
knowing that i made the
right choice .....every thing
was right with the world

oh shit.

oh shit.
what have i
done?

www.clamnuts.com

it was the first day of scho ol all over again,
that squirming knot in my stomach, the nervous
taste in my mouth. "what will they say? what
will the y say? " in desperation i tried to calculate
how long it would take to regrow a new
beard, i estimated two and a half we eks. i could
call in sick ...yeah......a car crash or some thing.
i was just about to mak e the call
when she bundled me out the do or
i decided on a pre-emptive
strike . charge t hem head on..... ...hmmmm
hey guys!
so....eh...what
do you think
of my new
wuh?
look?
new
look?
www.clamnuts.com
i slid unnoticed to my desk. nobody had
said anyth ing yet. i checked my e-mail every
ten minutes waiting for the ir pathetic
off ice humour but there was none .....i took
that as a sign of a more elaborate plan
to humiliate me. i could hea r them laughing
at the water cooler ....bastards!
i wonder if its somethi ng we inherited
from our ancient ancestors, a primal habit,
cavemen gathered around a po ol of water
bitching about how 'ug-nok' has be en
seen clubbing anot her woman.
by 12 o' clock still nobody app roached me .
i couldn't bear it any longer ......
oh i see!!
you've
grown a
moustache!
ugh...
yeah.... yeah! i grew
a moustache, that's
right!
www.clamnuts.com
www.clamnuts.com