Cognitive Restructuring

by Joseph Strayhorn
This is meant to teach a set of very useful techniques that we will call cognitive
restructuring. These techniques were pioneered by Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck, among
others.
We use the phrase "cognitive restructuring" because it sounds more learned and
respectable than something like "thinking more useful thoughts." The word cognition is
simply another word for thought.
The basic idea of cognitive restructuring is that people's emotions and behavior can be
greatly affected by what they think. If people can consciously change their habits of
what they say to themselves and what mental images they present to themselves, they
can make themselves happier or kinder or more productive or can accomplish any of
several other positive changes.
*
Each of the following statements is probably true. Which of them is the main idea of
cognitive restructuring?
1. That by better nutrition, people can live longer and be happier.
2. That revising our habits of sleeping, we can give ourselves more energy.
3. That how people feel and behave is greatly related to their social support network:
how many good friends and family members they have that they can count on.
4. That by revising our habits of thinking, we can favorably alter how we feel and how
we act.
*
Let's look at some quick examples of how people may use cognitive restructuring to
help themselves.
Suppose that someone has a problem with depression. The person is in the habit of
thinking "This proves that I'm no good" whenever he makes a small mistake. Suppose
the person changed that habit, and started saying something like "At least I made a start!
Now I know how to do better next time!" Does it make sense that this person would get
less depressed by making this change?
Suppose someone has a problem with his temper. He is in the habit of saying to himself,
whenever anyone slights him, "That son of a bitch! What the hell does he think he's
doing!" Suppose this person changes his habit so that instead he says to himself, "The
person did something I don't like. How big a deal is it? And how can I respond to it to
make things come out best?" Does it make sense that this person might reduce his anger
problem if he changed his thinking habits in this way?
*
Which of the following statements does NOT seem reasonable to you in thinking about
the above examples?
1. The things the depressed person and the angry person were in the habit of saying to
themselves are sentences that, on the face of it, would seem depressing thoughts or
anger-producing thoughts.
2. The new thoughts that the people replaced these old patterns with seemed more
positive and more rational.
3. All the people had to do was to say the new sentence to themselves one time, and they
were immediately cured of their depression or anger problems.
*

Let's look at another couple of quick examples of what we're talking about with
cognitive restructuring. Suppose someone with an anxiety or fearfulness problem finds
herself in the habit of saying to herself things like, "What if this bad thing happens?
That will be horrible!" Suppose the person changes that habit, and starts saying things
like, "What are the chances of this bad thing happening? Logically, they aren't very
great. But if it does happen, I'll respond to it the best way I can decide upon." Does it
make sense that this change in habits would reduce the person's anxiety?
Or suppose that another person has problems of impulsivity, and is in the habit of doing
things without thinking at all about them. Suppose the person develops habits of
thinking, "Wait a second. What are the advantages and disadvantages of doing this?
What will happen if I do this?" and then pondering the answers. Does it make sense that
this change in thought habits would reduce the person's impulsive behavior?
*
Which of the following summarizes a logical-sounding relation between types of
problems people might have and types of prevailing thought patterns that may make the
problems worse?
1. Not much thought before acting -> depression; he's a bad person, he's to blame>anxiety; I'm a bad person and everything is hopeless ->anger; something terrible might
happen - >impulsiveness.
2. Not much thought before acting -> impulsiveness; he's a bad person, he's to blame ->
anger; I'm a bad person and everything is hopeless -> depression; something terrible
might happen -> anxiety.
*
Before we go much further let's make an important disclaimer. Do we mean to imply
that the ideal person NEVER thinks thoughts that make him or her angry or sad or
fearful? No.
Sometimes people do blameworthy things, and it's appropriate to get angry at them.
Sometimes something very bad is in danger of happening, and some fear is appropriate.
Sometimes when we do things that hurt other people it's appropriate to feel guilty. We
wouldn't have the capacity to feel negative feelings if they weren't useful to us.
But when fear or anger or depression or impulsiveness get in the way of our responding
to situations in the best way we can, then it's nice to know there are some ways of
changing things. Almost all people can benefit from learning to take more conscious
control of their thoughts and feelings and behaviors.
*
Both of the following statements are probably true. What is the main point of the section
you just read?
1. Cognitive restructuring is a way of giving you more control over your own thoughts,
feelings, and behaviors, and not an attempt to totally eliminate all bad feelings, which
probably wouldn't be a good idea anyway.
2. One error in thinking that people sometimes make is "all-or- none" or "dichotomous"
thinking: the inability to see shades of grey rather than all black or white. For example,
if I'm not perfect, I must be horrible.
*
Now let's think some about how to classify the types of situations that people have to
respond to, and how to classify their cognitions (or thoughts) about these situations.
All the events that I encounter and respond to are either: 1) something I did, 2)
something someone else did, or 3) something neither I nor anybody else did, an act of
fate, or 4) a mixture of these. The things that happen are either desirable or undesirable,
or a mixture of both.

There are three ways of thinking about undesirable events that tend to make us feel bad.
One we can call "awfulizing." This means that we tell ourselves how awful the situation
is, sometimes over and over. For example, if someone misses a plane, and thinks to
himself, "Oh, this is terrible, I'm going to lose money on my ticket, I can't stand this," he
is awfulizing. A second way of thinking is called "getting down on oneself." If our
plane-misser says to himself, "I'm so stupid, I should have left earlier," he is getting
down on himself. The third way is "blaming someone else." If our person says, "Those
selfish scoundrels should have waited for me," he is blaming someone else.
*
Suppose a person slips on a wet spot on the floor and falls, and says to himself, "Oh, I'm
so clumsy! How could I be so stupid! This is terrible, all those people must think I'm an
idiot. That person is laughing at me -- how dare he do that, who does he think he is. And
who is responsible for this wet spot on the floor!"
Which of the types of cognitions listed above is he doing?
1. Awfulizing
2. Getting down on himself
3. Blaming someone else
4. All 3 of these
*
Now let's think about some of the types of thoughts that people can substitute for these
negative thoughts, when undesirable things happen. One type is "not awfulizing." For
example, "Well, it looks like I missed the plane. I don't like this at all. But it's not the
end of the world. It won't kill me." A second type is "not getting down on oneself." For
example, "I could have avoided this if I'd played my cards right. But I don't want to
punish myself for it." A third type is "not blaming someone else." For example, "Those
people could have held the plane for me. But that's a little too much to expect, because
they didn't know I'd show up."
A fourth type is "learning from the experience," or trying to benefit from the lesson that
the undesirable experience provides. For example, "Next time I need to plan on traffic's
holding me up, and leave at least an hour and a half before my plane takes off." A fifth
type is "listing options and choosing among them," or rationally deciding what to do
about the situation. For example: "Let's see. I can wait here at the airport until the next
flight. I can get some reading done while I'm waiting. I can get information from the
airline person about what my options are for other flights...."
*
A person slips on a wet spot on the floor and falls in front of a group of people. He
thinks to himself, "Next time I'll take a look at the floor here and watch for wet spots.
What should I do now? I could just get up and go on my way. Or I could clown around
and bow to the audience if they're still watching once I get up. Or I could say to those
that are looking to see if I'm hurt, "I'm ok, thanks for your concern."
What is he doing? Only one of the following is correct.
1. Awfulizing
2. Not awfulizing
3. Learning from the experience and listing options and choosing among them
*
People make themselves feel bad by thinking too many negative thoughts when
undesirable things happen. They also keep themselves from feeling good, by not
thinking enough positive thoughts when desirable things happen.
For example, let's imagine two people dealing with their children during the day. The
first one gets the child dressed, has a good conversation with the child during breakfast,

and spends some time playing with the child. After doing each of these, she says things
to herself like, "I think I did a good job on that," "What I just did will help my child,"
"Hooray, I wanted to have a good time with the child and I did," and "Hooray, my child
is getting better and better able to put thoughts into words." Now imagine a second
person, who does the identical things, only this person does not congratulate herself or
celebrate in her mind. She says nothing to herself about the good things that happen or
that she does.
Which person, in the long run, do you think will have more energy to keep on, and
which do you think will be happier? Probably the one who celebrates internally.
*
All the following statements are probably true. What is the main point of the section you
just read?
1. Taking care of children is a job that demands a great amount of energy.
2. Having conversations with children is very good for their development of verbal
ability.
3. It's important to take advantage of the opportunities for positive thoughts such as
celebrations and self-congratulations, in addition to turning down opportunities for
negative thoughts.
*
I am "celebrating what I did" when I say something to myself like "I'm glad I was able
to do that kind thing for that person," or "I accomplished something worthwhile!" I
"celebrate what somebody else did" when I say to myself, "That was nice of that person
to do that for me," or "I like it that this person did that." I celebrate a blessing of fate or
"something that happened to happen," when I say to myself something like, "What a
beautiful sunrise!" or "How lucky that I happened to be born in such an interesting time
and place!" (The religious person may think in terms of acts of God rather than acts of
fate.)
Where do people get self-esteem? Probably from the accrual of hundreds of little
celebrations of things they themselves do. Where do they get the ability to love and
appreciate others? In large part, from the accrual of little celebrations of what other
people have done. Where do people get a good feeling about being alive? Probably from
the accrual of lots of celebrations of the good things fate (or God) has done for them.
*
All the following statements are probably true. Which of them is the main point of the
section that you just read?
1. Very important effects, such as self-esteem, appreciation of others, and gladness to be
alive, result from the thoughts of celebration that people have about what they've done,
what others have done, and what God or fate has done.
2. Self-esteem, a sense of liking oneself and one's behaviors, is something that tends to
protect against depression.
3. The word celebration as used above does not refer to a party, but to an internal and
often silent thought.
*
At this point some people may be thinking, "I'm not aware that I do ANY of these
things. I just go about my life and live. I don't talk to myself about everything that
happens.
The thoughts we have been talking about are often referred to as "automatic thoughts,"
because people don't usually pay much attention to the fact that they are doing them.
But simply by trying to notice and remember them, it is easy to study them - - they are
not "unconscious."

Many, many people have had the experience of not being aware of these automatic
thoughts until they actually start monitoring them and paying attention to them. Only
then do they realize how often they are getting down on themselves or awfulizing, or
how often they are celebrating something they've done or listing options and choosing
among them.
For the person who wants to improve his or her life by revising habits of automatic
thoughts, the first step is simply to get in touch with and recognize what the present
habits are. *
All the following statements are true. What is the main point of the section you just
read?
1. "Not awfulizing" and "not getting down on oneself" as we are defining them here are
not just the absence of awfulizing or getting down on oneself, but an active decision and
verbalization that the situation is not unbearable or that the best response is not to
punish oneself.
2. Since automatic thoughts tend not to be noticed until someone tries to notice them,
the first step in changing them is noticing what the present habits are. It's not hard to
find this out, if you pay attention to what you're thinking.
*
Some people, when they start to monitor their automatic thoughts, find that they think
more in visual images than in sentences made of words. But it is still possible to classify
these thoughts into the various categories that we've defined. For example, someone is
about to put on a performance in front of some people, and has the mental image of
herself being laughed at and made fun of, and has a mental image of herself feeling as
though she would rather be dead than to be so humiliated. This is the visual equivalent
of "awfulizing." Someone who thinks more in sentences might say to herself, "I'll look
silly, and people will laugh at me, and that will be so terrible that I can't stand it."
*
A man's son wakes him up in the middle of the night for no good reason, and the man
has the image in his own mind of swatting the son across the room. Even though the
man has not said anything to himself like "It's his fault that this has happened,"
nevertheless we can think of this visual cognition as one of the following. Only one of
them is the best answer:
1. Awfulizing
2. Getting down on himself
3. Blaming someone else
4. Learning from the experience
*
Automatic thoughts are rather transient things -- they come and go fairly quickly. Let's
talk about something a little more enduring, which the cognitive therapists speak of as
beliefs. These are the more enduring ideas that make it much more likely that a certain
automatic thought will occur. For example, if someone really believes that "It is terrible
if anyone doesn't like me or even is momentarily angry at me," and that "It is a horrible
state to have to spend my time the way I'd prefer not to spend it," and "It is terrible to
have to do what someone less smart than you wants you to do," then that person is much
more likely to "awfulize" than if the person had beliefs like "I don't like having people
not like me and be angry at me, but that's part of life that everyone has to put up with."
Someone who has a philosophy that "I am entitled to be treated like a king or queen by
other people" is more likely to blame other people when they fall short of this ideal.
*

Suppose someone has a belief that "A four year old child should always be very
considerate of an adult's feelings, and should never say anything impolite, especially
when the adult looks tired. Only bad children fail to follow this rule." A second person,
by contrast, has the belief that "A four year old child is in the process of learning how to
be considerate of other's feelings, and I want to help the child learn this, but the child
can hardly be expected to be totally polite all the time." The first person's belief will
probably make him more likely to do what kind of automatic thought? Only one answer
is the best one.
1. Listing options and choosing among them.
2. Learning from the experience
3. Blaming someone else
*
A person who has the underlying belief that "I should be perfect in everything I do, and
whenever I make a mistake, I'm not fit to hold my head up among other people," is
probably more likely to have thoughts that are getting down on himself.
The person who believes that "Life is for learning. I will make lots of mistakes, but if
I'm lucky I can learn from both my mistakes and those of others, and not make the same
one over and over," will likely have more thoughts that are learning from the
experience.
*
A person very strongly believes the following: "Life deals you out various situations,
just as you get dealt hands in a card game. Some are good, some not so good. But the
object of the game is to find, out of all the possible responses to a given situation, the
best one you can find."
Which type of automatic thought do you think this philosophy tends to make more
likely? Only one is the best answer.
1. Listing options and choosing among them
2. Blaming someone else
*
Similarly, if someone has the philosophy that "I rejoice in every act that I can do that
makes someone else a little better off, or makes me a little better off, or makes me or
someone else happier," that person will be more disposed toward "celebrating what I
did." If a person believes, "It is good to give thanks for all the good things I receive
from fate or from other people," that person will be more likely to celebrate what
someone else did and to celebrate the blessings of fate.
Just deciding, however, that a certain belief makes sense and is true does not necessarily
change one's habits of automatic thoughts. I can decide that it makes sense to celebrate
my accomplishments and not get down on myself for small mistakes and failures, but if
I'm in the habit of getting down on myself very often and congratulating myself almost
never, I need to do a lot of work to change these habits. The next module will go into
exactly how the work of changing habits of cognitions can be carried out.
*
All three statements below are probably true. What is the main idea of the last paragraph
you read?
1. Beliefs are more enduring sorts of philosophies, whereas automatic thoughts are acts
that are done quickly.
2. Endorsing and adopting a very sensible and rational belief does not necessarily get rid
of the old habits of automatic thoughts. You have to work at habit change to do that.
3. If you want to be happier, cultivate automatic thoughts of celebration and not of
punishing yourself and others.

Cognitive Restructuring, Module 2

The last module introduced you to important concepts involved in using cognitive
restructuring to increase psychological skills. This module will go more deeply into
specific practical steps you can take.
There are many psychological skills that can be built by the steps to be suggested here.
Competences in handling all sorts of undesirable events -- such as separation, rejection,
criticism, frustrations, and your own mistakes and failures -- all can be built by
improving your reactions to the "undesirable events" we talked about in the last module.
Competences in feeling good about your own accomplishments, about the kind acts you
do, about the good things others do for you, about the blessings of fate, and about
discoveries you make, can all be built by improving your reactions to the "desirable
events" we mentioned in the last module.
*
What are the main points of the section you just read?
1. That this module will detail specific steps of psychological growth techniques, steps
that will help in building any of several important psychological skills.
2. That knowing the steps to be outlined here will do little good unless they are
repetitively practiced.
*
A first step is to take stock of what your present habits are. What situations do you most
want to learn to handle better? What are your habitual ways of thinking, feeling, and
behaving in those situations? What are the automatic thoughts that you may have been
telling yourself without even noticing them?
In taking stock and gaining insight into your present habits it's useful to think of the
STEB matrix. S is for situation, T is for thought, E is for emotion, and B is for behavior.
It may be useful to write down the situation, thought, emotion, and behavior you have
done, particularly in circumstances that are difficult or where you sense there is room
for improvement.
Here's an example of what it might look like to record a STEB:
S: My three year old son called me a "jerk."
T: He has no right to say things like that to me! After all the work I do for him! If he
doesn't like it let him try managing without me!
E: Very hurt and angry.
B: Yelled at him, "You don't call me things like that!" Gave vague threat, "You do that
again and you'll wish you hadn't!"
*
In writing down records to help yourself understand your present habits, what four
things are recommended to be recorded?
1. The time, the place, the circumstance, and the people
involved.
2. The setting, the tempo, the environment, and the best outcome.
3. The situation, your thoughts, your emotions, and your behaviors.
*
As you carry out such monitoring, you gather information that helps you in deciding
what are your highest priorities for change of habits. What sorts of situations most
regularly give you trouble? What sorts of thoughts and feelings and behavior patterns
would you most like to revise? If you are feeling depressed, for example, what
particular habit changes do you think would most help you feel better?
In thinking about what particular skills you want to increase the most, you may find it
helpful to examine the "skills axis," a list of some 62 psychological skills that are

important in living. This list was created as an aid to people in determining where to put
their efforts of habit change.
*
Each of the following statements is probably true; which is the main idea of the section
you just read?
1. As a result of your examining your current patterns, and possibly with the aid of the
"skills axis," the next step in the process is to determine the particular patterns you
would like most to improve in.
2. The more strongly you are willing to work on achieving your goal for habit change,
the more likely you are to succeed.
3. It is always an option just to accept your imperfections and not to work on changing
them at all. However, "accepting your imperfections" is in itself a skill that can be
improved, if one wishes to!
*
If someone is feeling depressed and wishes to become less so, there are various
psychological skills which through being strengthened could help the person become
less depressed. For some people, the key is to improve in the skill of handling their own
mistakes and failures so that they do more learning from experience and problemsolving and less getting down on themselves. For others the key is to learn to celebrate
their own accomplishments and acts of kindness more. For others the key is to learn to
handle frustrations better so that they quit telling themselves that things are hopeless
whenever something goes wrong. For others, the key is skills of making social contacts
and having pleasant social interaction; for others the key is skills of working
productively so that there are more accomplishments to celebrate. For still others the
skill of playing and being gleeful is most important. For many people, working on a
combination of several skills is what helps the most.
*
Each of the following statements is probably true; which summarizes the section you
just read?
1. Improving the psychological skills that protect against depression is likely to have
other beneficial effects, such as also reducing the likelihood of other symptoms, and
increasing one's ability to be a good parent.
2. There are many psychological skills which logically can help in protecting against a
given bad outcome, for example depression. The highest priority skills may vary from
one person to the next.
*
So far in this process you have gone from a concrete list of things your have thought,
felt, and done in specific situations, to a more abstract conclusion about what skills you
want to improve in. Examples of skill goals are such as becoming better able to handle
criticism, better able to handle frustrations, better able to deal with interpersonal
conflict, better able to feel good about your own acts of kindness, better able to be
playful and gleeful, and so forth. The next step is to go back from the abstract skill idea
to concrete examples, only this time making up a list of positive, desirable examples of
the skill in question. In doing this, you form a very concrete image of the new patterns
of thought, emotion, and behavior you want to carry out in the situations that you were
previously handling in a way you didn't prefer.
This process involves deciding what new patterns you want to replace the old ones with.
This process is called redecision.
*

Each of the following statements is probably true. Which best summarizes the section
you just read?
1. The next stage in the sequential process we are describing is to decide upon the
positive patterns that you want to substitute for the old undesirable habit patterns, and to
make very specific examples of what you want to be doing, thinking, and feeling more
often.
2. In any habit change, the more frequently you rehearse the new habit pattern, the more
successful you are likely to be in changing the habit.
*
The process of redecision, of discovering what new patterns of thought, feeling, and
behavior you want to do more often, is often not just a task you sit down and do once
and consider finished. It is often best carried out through continued observation of your
own STEB (situation, thought, emotion, behavior) records.
One way to do this is to examine the undesirable TEB's (thoughts, emotions, behaviors)
that you ACTUALLY DID in a situation, and then to write down a new TEB that you
WOULD LIKE TO HAVE DONE.
A second way is to catch yourself before you do the old TEB, and substitute for it the
new TEB. If the new pattern works better and is more satisfying, you get evidence that
the new pattern is really worth adopting.
Thus whether you handled the situation in the way you didn't want or the way you
wanted, you can use that situation as material for your collection of concrete examples
of positive patterns.
*
Both of the following statements are probably true. Which best
summarizes what you just read?
1. Record keeping is tedious. Some people can accomplish all they need to accomplish
by keeping things in their memories without writing it down. But those that are willing
to do the work to keep written records usually are rewarded for their efforts.
2. In collecting your list of new STEBS that you would like to do more often, you can
make use of situations you handled the way you didn't want (by writing down the way
you'd like to have handled the situation instead) and you can also make use of situations
you handled the way you did want (by writing down this new desirable TEB).
*
Here's an example of the type of record-keeping that someone might do, in connection
with the process just described.
Situation: My three year old son called me a jerk.
Old TEB: (This is what I actually did.)
Thought: He has no right to say that!
Emotion: Very hurt and angry.
Behavior: Yell at him and vaguely threaten him.
New TEB: (I'd like to do this next time.)
Thought: This isn't the end of the world. Everybody gets mad at times, and this is just
his way of communicating it. But I don't want him to get into the habit of talking like
this. How can I change that habit?
Emotion: Concerned, worried, irritated but not enraged.
Behavior: Get him alone and give him a reprimand in a quiet, disappointed tone, use
positive attribution. "I thought you knew better than to talk to me like that. When you
get a little bigger, maybe you'll be able to say 'I didn't like it when you did that' rather
than talking as you did."

If the person did the desirable pattern rather than the undesirable pattern, the record
would look the same, only it would read "Old TEB: (This is what I would have done in
the past)... and New TEB: (This is what I did this time.)
*
Why do you suppose it is important to get a list of desirable thought, emotion, and
behavior patterns that one wishes to do more often? Only one of the following is
correct.
1. Because the act of keeping records builds self-discipline and also helps you in other
useful tasks of life such as doing income taxes.
2. Because practicing and rewarding yourself for carrying out positive patterns is the
main way in which people carry out psychological growth, and you can best do that
when you know exactly what patterns you want to practice and reward yourself for.
*
When you monitor your STEBs, sometimes you may catch yourself right after thinking
the old thought, and then dispute it and think the new thought. These are particularly
useful experiences. In that case, your record might look like this:
Situation: My car fails to start in the morning.
Old Thought: (Did this one first): This is awful! I just can't take another thing going
wrong!
New Thought: (Did this one second): This means that I have the inconvenience of
dealing with getting to work this morning and getting the car fixed somehow. Yes, that
will be inconvenient, but it's not the end of the world. What are my options? I can try to
get it working this morning. Or I can take a bus to work, and get it worked on this
evening. I think I'll take a bus and make plans about it at my leisure.
Emotion: Irritated but not overwhelmed.
Behavior: Made rational plans about getting bus to work and getting car fixed later. Was
able to do work without being frazzled and distracted by the incident.
*
Both of the following statements are probably true. Which is the major point just made
in the previous section?
1. In handling a frustration such as failure of a car to start, it's usually better to "not
awfulize" and to "list options and choose among them" than it is to "awfulize."
2. Sometimes you will encounter situations where you think the old thought pattern,
then catch yourself and dispute it with the new, more desirable thought pattern. These
are particularly useful to note; one way of recording these is illustrated.
*
When you have in mind very clearly and concretely the new STEB patterns you want to
carry out, you are set up to PRACTICE them.
There are two main ways to practice. One is real life. You simply run across in real life a
situation you want to handle better, and you try to handle it as well as you can. If you
indeed carry out the more desirable TEB (thought, emotion, behavior), you have done a
real-life practice.
A second way of practicing is by imaginative techniques, including fantasy and roleplaying.
To have a fantasy practice, you sit back, relax, and imagine yourself encountering the
situation you want to handle better. You imagine yourself thinking the new desirable
thoughts, feeling the more desirable emotions, and carrying out the more desirable
behaviors.

10

To have a practice in role-playing, you get together with someone and have them play
the part of another person. You act out the desirable pattern of conversation or
interpersonal behavior that you want to practice.
*
Each of the following statements is correct. Which best summarizes the information
given in the previous section?
1. Some people may best do fantasy practice with their eyes closed and with their
muscles relaxed. Others may best do fantasy practice while actually reading the STEB
records of desirable patterns that they have written down.
2. When practicing by role-playing, you are prompted to practice the behaviors; it's
good also to pay attention to the thoughts, and practice them as you do the role-play.
3. Here are some ways to practice desirable STEB patterns: by encountering the
situations in real life and performing your desired response, by imagining the situations
in fantasy and imagining your desired response, and by role-playing with someone else,
practicing your desired response through the drama.
*
In carrying out fantasy practice, a useful technique is the "fantasy practice out loud." In
this technique you speak out loud as though you were experiencing the situation in the
present, and giving a running narration of the situation and your thoughts, emotions, and
behaviors. For example:
"I'm sitting in the living room, and my three year old approaches me. I'm not thinking
anything out of the ordinary will happen. Ouch, he just kicked me in the shin, that hurt!
I'm getting the urge to yell at him but I'm holding it down. I want to do the thing which
will help him get out of this habit the quickest. I say in a grim and determined but not
excited tone, 'You kicked, so you go to time out.' He refuses to go, so I take him by the
hand and drag him to the time out room, not looking at him or talking to him, saying to
myself, 'Good, you're doing a good job of not reinforcing him.' I put him in and close
the door and set the timer. Now I'm relaxing, and preparing myself for when he gets out.
He's yelling at me, and I'm not responding to him. Now he's quieter. Now the bell rings,
and I'm saying, 'You can come out now.' Now I'm acting as though nothing happened,
and going about my business of doing some work around the house. I say to myself,
'Congratulations, you handled that one well.' I feel proud of myself."
*
Each of the following statements is probably correct. Which one best summarizes the
section you just read?
1. When giving time out, it's important to use a timer.
2. When giving time out, it's important not to respond to the child while the child is in
time out.
3. A useful way to practice a new pattern is the "fantasy practice out loud," where you
imagine a desirable STEB and describe it aloud as though it were happening in the
present.
*
A very important part of the psychological growth process is the reward and self-reward
process you arrange for positive practices of the new desirable STEB patterns. One way
to get this is from your own internal self-congratulatory statements. "Hooray for me, I
practiced a desirable pattern! I'm on my way toward forming a new habit!" These
internal self-reward statements are very important.
In addition, it's helpful if there is another person with whom you can celebrate your
progress. If you are part of a group where you can report your rehearsals of adaptive
patterns and have other people celebrate with you your accomplishments, that is a very

11

useful situation. If there is one friend, or a therapist, with whom you can celebrate your
positive rehearsals, that is also very useful.
*
Each of the following statements is true. Which best summarizes the section you just
read?
1. If you congratulate yourself but don't have an emotion of great pride, don't worry
about it. Sometimes there's a lag between the thought and the emotion that will
eventually accompany that thought.
2. It's important to celebrate your rehearsals of positive patterns as much as possible,
both within yourself and with other people.
*
Suppose that you are thinking the new thoughts, but still feeling the old emotions? For
example, someone is thinking, "I did a real accomplishment here," but does not feel the
least bit proud of himself. Or someone thinks "I don't want to punish myself about this,
because there is no possible way that I could have prevented it," but the person still feels
guilty. This is to be expected; sometimes you have to think the new thoughts for many
repetitions before the new emotions start to kick in. Emotional habits are often not
instantly changed by changing thought habits. But if you continue to acknowledge to
yourself the truth about the situation in your thoughts, eventually the emotions
appropriate to those thoughts should start to appear. If thinking the new thoughts
produces any difference at all in the way you feel, notice that difference and celebrate it.
*
Both of the following statements are probably true. Which best summarizes the section
you have just read?
1. Don't be discouraged if the new desirable emotions don't come immediately when
you enact a new thought pattern. Notice any difference at all in your emotional
response, and keep acknowledging to yourself the truth of your more desirable thought
pattern.
2. Don't try to tell yourself thoughts that you really believe to be false. Don't try to make
all your thoughts positive. A thought like, "This situation is very dangerous, and it is
very urgent to remedy it," can be the most appropriate way to look at a situation. A
thought like "The person who is trying to influence me is a dishonest person, and I want
to reject him with all my power," may be the most appropriate response.
*
If you have completed a good portion of our parent training modules before doing this
module, you can see that the adult version and the child version of our "how to change
for the better" suggestions overlap very greatly. This is logical, since a child and an
adult are both human beings who operate in many of the same ways. With your child
you were asked about specific problem behaviors, which led to conclusions about highpriority skills for development. The next task was to pick out specific positive examples
of the skills to be developed. The story reading and dramatic play were ways for fantasy
and role-playing rehearsal to be carried out with a child. The attention and approval you
give your child corresponds to that which you give yourself or get from supportive
others for positive examples. In the stories and plays, there is a great attempt to model
useful cognitions. For example, when the characters say "I'm glad that I did so and so"
at the end, they are using celebratory cognitions. The positive behavior scale
corresponds to the STEB records and the nightly review corresponds to an adult's daily
review of them. The model for change that is presented is of such generality that it
applies to 90 year olds as well as 2 year olds.
*

12

Each of the following statements is probably true. Which of them best summarizes the
section you have just read?
1. One of the major questions for the person who would change his or her habits for the
better is, how can I get myself to log in the time necessary to do the repetitive practice
necessary for change?
2. Figuring out ways to make the process of deciding upon and rehearsing desirable new
patterns is a goal of high priority.
3. The basic steps in psychological growth advocated for adults is the same as the series
advocated for a parent to use with a child: observe responses to situations, decide upon
high-priority skills, generate a list of concrete positive examples of those skills, practice
those skills in imagination as well as in real life, monitor how often the positive
rehearsals occur, arrange reward and celebration, both internally and from outside, for
rehearsals of positive examples.
*
Send mail to joestrayhorn@juno.com with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright 2003 Psychological Skills Press
Last modified: 04/12/03

13