Wordy Sentences

Appropriate Language
Exact Words

 Eliminate redundancies

Daniel is now employed at a private rehabilitation

center working as a registered physical therapist.
Daniel works at a private rehabilitation center as a
registered physical therapist.
Sylvia very hurriedly scribbled her name, address, and
phone number on a greasy napkin.
Sylvia scribbled her name, address, and phone number
on a greasy napkin.

 Avoid unnecessary repetition of words

Our fifth patient, in room six, is a mentally ill patient.

Our fifth patient, in room six, is mentally ill.
The best teachers help each student become a better
student both academically and emotionally.
The best teachers help each student grow both
academically and emotionally.

Cut empty or inflated phrases

Along the lines of...like
As a matter of fact...in fact
At all times...always
At the present time...now, currently
Because of the fact that...because
Due to the fact that...because
For the reason that...because
In order to...to
In the final analysis...finally

 Simplify the structure especially by avoiding be

verbs and there is, are, was, were

Investigators were involved in studying the effect of
classical music on unborn babies.
Investigators studied the effect of classical music on
unborn babies.
All too often, athletes with marginal academic skills
have been recruited by our coaches.
All too often, our coaches have recruited athletes with
marginal academic skills.

 Reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to single

words
We took a side trip to Monticello, which was the home
of Thomas Jefferson.
We took a side trip to Monticello, the home of Thomas
Jefferson.

 Stay away from jargon

We outsourced the work to an outfit in Ohio because

we didnt have the bandwidth to tackle it in-house.
We hired a company in Ohio because we had too few
employees to do the work.
The CEO should dialogue with investors about
partnering with clients to purchase land in
economically deprived zones.
The CEO should talk with investors about working
with clients to buy land in poor neighborhoods.

 Avoid pretentious language

Taylors employment of multihued means of

expression draws back the curtains and lets slip the
nostalgic vantage point from which she observes
American society as well as her lack of
comprehension of economic realities.
Taylors use of colorful language reveals that she has a
nostalgic view of American society and does not
understand economic realities.

 Avoid most euphemisms

Nice-sounding words or phrases substituted for words

thought to sound harsh or ugly

Adult entertainment
Preowned automobile
Economically deprived
Negative savings
Strategic withdrawal
Correctional facility
Revenue enhancers

Chemical dependency

Avoid doublespeak
Deliberately evasive or deceptive language
Downsizing = firing employees

Avoid sexist language

Chairman
Fireman
Mailman
Mankind

weatherman

When a student writes a paper, he must proofread

carefully.
When a student writes a paper, he/she must proofread
carefully.
Rather than use too many he/she his/her, use plural
When students write their papers, they must proofread
carefully.
Best to rewrite sentence to avoid problem completely

 Revise language that may offend groups of people

North Dakota takes its name from the Indian word

meaning friend or ally.
North Dakota takes its name from the Lakota word
meaning friend or ally.

 Select words with appropriate connotations

When American soldiers returned home after World

War II, many women abandoned their jobs in favor
of marriage.
When American soldiers returned home after World
War II, many women left their jobs in favor of
marriage.

 Prefer specific concrete nouns

Thing, area, aspect, factor, individual, etc.

The senator spoke about the challenges of the future:

the environment and world peace.
The senator spoke about the challenges of the future:
pollution, dwindling resources, and terrorism.

 Do not misuse words

These days the training required for a ballet dancer is

all-absorbent.
These days the training required for a ballet dancer is
all-absorbing.

 Use Standard Idioms

Speech forms that follow no easily specified rules
NEVER

ALWAYS

Angry at (a person)

Angry with (a person)

Agree to (an idea)

Agree with (an idea)

Different than

Different from

Off of

Off

Plan on doing

Plan to do

think on

Think of; think about

Try and; sure and

Try to; sure to

 Do not rely heavily on clichs

Cool as a

Beat around
Blind as a

Crystal
Dead as a

Light as a
Like a bull
Nutty as a
Playing with

Use figures of speech with care

Similes & metaphors

 How are the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and exact words broken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V97c_Vx-NFo

The writer who breeds

more words than he needs,
is making a chore for the
reader who reads.
-Dr. Seuss

Intentionally break all the rules for wordy sentences,

appropriate language, and finding exact words by
rewriting the lyrics to a song.

I wasn't born for diggin deep holes

I'm not made for pavin long roads
I aint cut out to climb high line poles
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer
I'm not the type to work in a bank
I'm no good at slappin on paint
Don't have a knack for makin motors crank,
no
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

So hand me one more

That's what I'm here for
I'm built for having a ball
I love the nightlife
I love my budlight
I like 'em cold and tall
I aint much for mowin thick grass
I'm too slow for workin' too fast
I don't do windows so honey don't ask
But I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer

A go getter maybe I'm not

I'm not known for doin' a lot
But I do my best work when the weather's hot
I'm pretty good at drinkin' beer
So hand me one more
That's what I'm here for
I'm built for having a ball
I love the nightlife
I love my budlight
I like 'em cold and tall
I wasn't born for diggin deep holes
I'm not made for pavin long roads
I aint cut out to climb high line poles
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer
I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

The intention of my conception wasnt

for the purpose of agricultural or
luminescent engineering. However,
I'm a professional fermented yeast
beverage consumer.
I wouldn'tt be categorized for being a
finical officer or adding gratuitous
cosmetic pigment. Dont have a future
with internal combustion blocks.
However, I'm a professional fermented
yeast beverage consumer.
Ill accept an encore, thats why I'm in
attendance, physiologically built for
have ball. With the indirect
connection with a G-type mainsequence star, Id enjoy my low calorie
Budweiser, I prefer them altitudinous
and brisk.

I'm not a fan for caring for highly concentrated

landscapes, I have a bad case of chronic fatigue
syndrome, Im not a contractor so honey dont ask.
However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage
consumer.
A go getter maybe I'm not
Ive been known using excuses
But I do my best work when the sun is aligned with
my location. I'm a professional fermented yeast
beverage consumer.
Ill accept an encore, thats why I'm in attendance,
physiologically built for have ball. With the indirect
connection with a G-type main-sequence star, Id
enjoy my low calorie Budweiser, I prefer them
altitudinous and brisk.
The intention of my conception wasnt for the
purpose of agricultural advancement or to have a
career with PENDOT, and not a fan of high altitude
atmospherically conditions.
However, I'm a professional fermented yeast beverage
consumer. I'm a professional fermented yeast
beverage consumer.

Original
I wasn't born for diggin deep holes
I'm not made for pavin long roads
I aint cut out to climb high line poles
But I'm pretty good at drinkin beer

Rewrite
The intention of my conception wasnt for the purpose of
agricultural or luminescent engineering. However, I'm a
professional fermented yeast beverage consumer.

By Sunday night, post to BlackBoard Discussion

Board two pairs of words or phrases that confuse
you. For example, some people use affect when they
should use effect.