UNIT 5: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AND COUNSELLING

In a very real sense we have two minds, one that thinks and one that
feels.- Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More
Than IQ
Inevitably in life were faced with obstacles that make us question how we
should approach them. Our emotional mind is telling us one option and our
rational mind is telling us another. Our emotion is the thing that make us
most human, and unfortunately youll often find that theyre our biggest
obstacle. By learning and achieving Emotional Intelligence (EI or EQ) we
can sort through our emotions and learn to reach into our rational mind as
soon as its needed.
TASK 1 & 2
Goleman (1995) explains that being aware of oneself, in short, is to watch
internal states without reacting to them and without judging them. Our selfawareness is the most important domain in EI, this is to understand exactly
where our emotions come in to play most, for instance: why a particular
emotion shows in a particular situation or why we reacted in such a way
during that time, much like when we react in Parent, Adult or Child; in
Transactional Analysis we learn the importance of living a healthier life style
through our Adult ego state, although there is nothing wrong with Parent or
Child, it is to our advantage if we learn to use these ego states positively.
The more you know about yourself, the better you will become at adapting
to lifes changes that suit your needs. Using your JoHari window is also a
great tool to use when wanting to understanding yourself better because it
involves asking others questions that you may not want to ask yourself, thus
learning things that you didnt know about yourself before.
Here are some positives and negatives of self-awareness:
Positives:
1. Respect differences in other people.
2. Knowing strengths and weaknesses.
3. Understanding of personality, values and needs.
Negatives:
1. Knowledge that you can become a better version of yourself but stressed
when it becomes a difficult task.
2. Discovering that you may act in ways you never thought you did.
3. Insecurities being faced.

TASK 3
Managing negative emotions:
Recognising emotions is key to understanding how they affect your
behaviour which all ties in to self-awareness and helps with character
compassing, to learn to accept your emotions and develop your full
potential, youll find that the end result will help you keep control of
situations which you had no control over before. Its important to take time
to yourself, no matter what your preferences or character so that you can
reflect in a comfortable environment.
Warrior:
I feel that its important for Warriors to let their emotions flow through in a
way that doesnt upset others but still gets the job done so that they feel
accomplished. The Warriors that I know dont like to be idle, they want to be
in charge and to have tasks where nobody questions them. Obviously, this
isnt always a possibility if theyre working in a team or have someone else
watching over their work. I believe that doing the activities Ive listed in
their free time will help them manage their emotions better when theyre put
into a situation that theyre not comfortable with.
1. Competitive activity.
2. Challenging activity.
3. Win a game.
4. Treat yourself or others to a meal or a day out.
5. Buy yourself or another person something nice (not a good idea if your
financial situation isnt good.)
6. In work/home - understand that everyone isnt as headstrong as you are,
they arent doing it on purpose. Use your mind to decide which is the best,
most reassuring option so that you can build relationships and teamwork.

Introvert:
Introverts like their own space and their own silence so when put in a
situation with lots of people it can cause negative emotions. Im an Introvert
but I can put on the face of an Extravert which is very handy, but it takes
time and patience to build. Here are some things that I believe Introverts can
do to help with negative emotions:
1. No one is out to get you.
2. Take time to reflect on the good things that happened during a social
situation (got to know someone better, made them laugh or smile, etc.)
3. Take time to yourself and enjoy an activity that you love.
4. Keep something personal with you, a small thing that makes you feel safe.
5. Dont dwell on uncomfortable situations or on people that you dislike.
6. Dont feel bad about not talking your way through social events.
Introverts often notice things because of their being quiet that Extraverts
dont, which helps keep others safe.
7. Enjoy time with someone that youre closest to and that understands you
the most.
Adventurer:
Adventurers, true to their name, love adventure, to feel that theyve
discovered something new. They often go/do what others are afraid to. When
an Adventurer isnt pushing boundaries or chasing their dreams, they begin
to feel tied down. I believe that doing the things listed below will help them
deal with their negative emotions.
1. Take a walk, a run or a bike ride. Letting out adrenaline will help an
Adventurer feel free and happy.
2. Go somewhere that you havent discovered yet.
3. Try new food.
4. In work/home - share ideas that are imaginative. Adventurers get bored
with the same things but new and creative thoughts can help projects be
better. This will also build relationships and teamwork.
5. An extraverted Adventurer might find that meeting someone new will
create positive emotions.
6. Going on holiday.

Myself:
INFJ, Guardian
I find that once a week Ill come home from work very annoyed because
Ive listened to everyone talk all day and it suddenly becomes too much. I
put on the personality of an extravert at work but Ill always be an Introvert.
I get frustrated that people can annoy me to the point of not enjoying my
time at home, which then makes it worse. I have things that I enjoy to do and
that make me relax, which Ive listed below, but also learning about
Emotional Intelligence has helped me immensely already. These past two
weeks at work have shown a lot of change and Im actually looking forward
to it instead of dreading it.
1. Spending time with my family.
2. Playing computer games.
3. Hugging my favourite teddy.
4. Reading.
5. Being in my bedroom because its magical in there.
6. Cuddling with my dogs.
7. At work - no one is trying to get in my way even if it seems like it, they
just want to help. Involve myself in tasks that can help the people I work
with to show my appreciation. Ive found that doing this will make me feel
less stressed.
8. At work - if I get a long break then Ill take ten minutes of it to sit in my
dads office in silence. This is only if things are really frustrating me but the
silence is truly welcome sometimes.
TASK 4
Self motivation:
1. Pushes us to achieve our goals.
2. Helps us think more positively - the more positive we think, the more
likely we are to achieve our goals.
3. Feeling of accomplishment - feeling accomplished is a great feeling, it
helps to make us happy and more energised to begin the next project.
4. Enthusiasm towards activities.
5. Less tired - when Im motivated to work on something I feel wide awake
for longer than when Im not motivated.

TASK 5
Low social skill:
My uncle Adrian is a Warrior with personality preferences of ESTP.
My grandparents invited us all out for a meal and Adrian arrived annoyed,
he acted in Child throughout the evening. My grandfather was kind enough
to invite us all so when he got up to pay my dad immediately offered him
money towards the meal and when he asked Adrian if he was going to put
any money towards it he answered with I got invited, I dont need to pay
anything. My dad knew that his dad wasnt going to want any money but he
still asked anyway, because it was the polite thing to do.
With Adrian, he feels annoyed when things arent going his way. His default
ego state is Child. For Adrian, it wouldve been better if hed of invited us
out.
High social skill:
My mother, Suzie, is a Guardian with personality preferences of ISFJ.
During the same evening, my mum was trying to keep everybody cheerful.
My uncles wife, Tricia, arrived in a frustrated mood. She doesnt enjoy the
company of my grandparents which I can understand because they can be
frustrating sometimes. The way that my mum and I deal with this is to be
very charismatic and talk to them enthusiastically. I empathise with my
grandmother very easily because I listen to her and understand how she
feels, Im also like her in many ways. My mum had been trying to make
Tricia feel more comfortable by asking her how her day had been and
discussing things that shed been working on at home. When we went to get
ice cream later on my mum linked arms with my grandmother.
I find that having a demeanour of being comfortable or being happy often
helps in situations despite how uncomfortable youre feeling. People are less
likely to bother you if you appear to be having a good time. My mum laughs,
jokes and engages so that herself and the people around her feel comfortable.

TASK 6

Empathy:
1. Connection with others.
2. Builds trust.
3. Better relationships - empathy with your loved ones increases your
relationship with them greatly. Its important to understand each other.
4. Good for business - it becomes easier to do your job when you have
healthier relationships with your colleagues, this benefits morale in the
workplace.
5. Feeling of well-being - empathising with others will help you connect
with them, you may even realise that you have more in common with that
person than you thought.
Reference List:
Change Management Coach (2008-2015) Develop self awareness to build emotional
intelligence http://www.change-management-coach.com/self-awareness.html (Accessed
01 August 2015)
Changing Minds (2002-2015) Empathy
http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/empathy.htm (Accessed 05 August
2015)
Chapman, A. Business Balls (2000-2014) Emotional Intelligence theories
http://www.businessballs.com/eq.htm (Accessed 01 August 2015)
Culture of Empathy (2015) Benefits of empathy
http://cultureofempathy.com/References/Benefits/Articles.htm (Accessed 05 August
2015)
Goleman, D. (1995) Emotional Intelligence, United States of America, Bantam Books.
Skills You Need (2011-2015) Self-motivation http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/selfmotivation.html (Accessed 03 August 2015)