Great Society

"The Lollipop List" (Pilot)

By
Bill Oakley & Josh Weinstein

PLAYTONE PRODUCTIONS

GREAT SOCIETY
S E T T I N G
The Place
The RAND Corporation. A government-funded think-tank
headquartered in Santa Monica, California.
The Time
Summer 1966 (though the series would progress forward in
time). The year before the 60's truly exploded. A time -and in California, a place -- witnessing a bizarre
juxtaposition of cultures. The Byrds and The Beverly
Hillbillies. Hippies and hot rods. Cocktail parties and
Cary Grant taking LSD. Of course, this will provide many
great opportunities, not just for stories, but for production
design, wardrobe, soundtrack, etc.
C H A R A C T E R S
Dr. Peter Lang.

Analyst, Political and Social Sciences.

with sideburns, a slightly shaggy haircut, and a rumpled

wardrobe. Freewheeling, outspoken, and very intelligent,
Lang might be compared to Elliot Gould in "M*A*S*H" or Jack
Nicholson in "Five Easy Pieces". In modern terms, think
Matthew Broderick.
Martin Marion.

Director, Poltical and Social Sciences.

balding, and bespectacled. Lang's boss and mentor. Seems a

bit downtrodden, much like William H. Macy in most of his
roles.
Walter Kirk.

Managing Director.

A steely-eyed, no-nonsense former quarterback-type with a

flattop. Remember H.R. Haldeman? If not, think of James
Woods playing him in "Nixon".
Dr. Herbert Kessler.

Director, Strategic Studies.

The dean of America's nuclear strategy, Kessler is a rotund

little man with horn-rimmed glasses. Picture Henry Kissinger
or Walter Matthau in "Failsafe".
E. Eugene "Gene" Spofford.

Executive Director.

Tall and charming, with a smooth upper-crust manner and

voice. Looks and sounds a lot like either George Plimpton or
William F. Buckley, Jr.
Angela Fish.

Lang's Former Girlfriend.

Beautiful and very, very intense.

Think Ali McGraw.

2.

Helen.

Secretary, Political and Social Sciences.

Clean-cut and cute as a button, with a wholesome Midwestern

charm and just a hint of weirdness. Think of Reese
Witherspoon or Naomi Watts in "Mulholland Dr."

3.

GREAT SOCIETY

ART CARD: "JULY 19, 1966"

FADE IN:
EXT. THE RAND CORPORATION - SANTA MONICA - DAY
Behind a row of cheerful palm trees sits a GREY, VAGUELY
SINISTER OFFICE TOWER.
INT. RAND - CONFERENCE ROOM - THAT MOMENT
Behind a large conference table sit A DOZEN GREY, VAGUELY
SINISTER MEN. These are the DIRECTORS of the Rand
Corporation. We PAN AROUND the shadowy, smoke-filled room as
they talk.
KESSLER
...and the U-2 recon photos confirm
it -- the Reds have completed their
radar station outside Karpinsk.
KIRK
And your boys will revise
accordingly.
KESSLER
All the northern Ural bombing
routes.
KIRK
Stepping up the megatonnage?
KESSLER
Shouldn't be necessary. We'll use
airbursts to spread the fallout to
a couple of nearby cities. Keep
our yield nice and crispy.
SPOFFORD
Ah, like the duck at Madame Wu's.
Anything else before we break for
lunch?
Spofford gets up from his seat at the head of the table.
KIRK
One more item. Our friends at the
Defense Department have asked us to
update the Lollipop List. That, of
course, being the unofficial name
for the list of privileged
individuals to be saved in the
event of nuclear attack.
Congressmen, Cabinet members--

4.

KESSLER
All the lucky fuckers who've earned
a spot in the bunker.
MARION
You being among those fuckers.
KESSLER
Darn tootin'. Spent my career
planning World War III. Hell if
I'm going to miss my chance to kick
back and enjoy it.
KIRK
This list was composed in 1955.
Updating the congressmen and so
forth is basically a typing
exercise. However, a small number
of slots have been allocated to,
quote, "persons essential to the
preservation of American culture."
MARION
And how many persons does it take
to preserve an entire culture?
KIRK
According to the Pentagon, six.
May I?

SPOFFORD

Spofford takes the list.

SPOFFORD (cont'd)
Hmm. Robert Frost. Is he really
worth saving?
DIRECTOR #1
Fine fellow. Great American poet.
SPOFFORD
Already dead, though. Seems like a
waste of resources. Archibald
MacLeish...
KIRK
...Not the first name that springs
to mind.
MARION
(with mock gravity)
Gentlemen: Can any of us imagine a
world without Archibald MacLeish?
After a beat, everyone (including Marion) LAUGHS.

5.

SPOFFORD
Richard Rodgers and Oscar
Hammerstein...
DIRECTOR #2
Hammerstein's dead.
KESSLER
Well, Rodgers ain't going in solo.
He can roast outside with Lerner
and Loewe.
SPOFFORD
(back to the list)
Sam Snead... and George Gobel?
KIRK
Good Christ.
SPOFFORD
Gentlemen, this list carries the
distinct funk of the Eisenhower
era. Let's have a more
contemporary list done by Friday.
(gets up to leave)
God forbid we're attacked before
then, eh?
KESSLER
Shit, locked in a bunker with Sam
Snead and George Gobel? The
survivors will envy the dead.
The men CHUCKLE.

Spofford EXITS.

The others start to leave.

KIRK
Well, who's going to do the list?
Chet? You available?
CHET
What do I know
The last movie
Lillian Gish.
talking.

("DIRECTOR #1")
about pop culture?
I saw starred
And she wasn't

DIRECTOR #3
(thick accent)
Don't look at me. I'm from
Germany.
KIRK
Martin, how about you? I'd say
this qualifies as Political
Science.
MARION
Ugh. I am up to my eyeballs in
Vietnam right now.
(thinks)
(MORE)

6.
MARION (cont'd)
But there is a fellow in my
department who be might be able to
handle it. Dr. Peter Lang?

Kirk LOOKS BLANK.

MARION (cont'd)
Young protg of mine, started a
few months back. Double doctorates
from Berkeley. Poli-Sci and
Sociology.
KIRK
Yeah. But does he know anything
about modern American culture?
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. BEACH - THAT MOMENT
DR. LANG is relaxing on a towel, wearing cutoffs and
sunglasses. "HANKY PANKY" by Tommy James and the Shondells
plays on his transistor radio. In the background, we see
bikini girls playing volleyball and surfers riding the waves.
A scene straight out of a mid-60's Coca-Cola commercial,
except that Dr. Lang is reading "MATRIX ANALYSIS:
PERSPECTIVES FOR PUBLIC POLICY" and taking notes.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
MARION
Seems to have a grasp on it.
KIRK
Not one of your airy-fairy
eggheads, is he? Can he deal with
realities?
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. BEACH - A MOMENT LATER
Dr. Lang is in mid-conversation with a friendly DRUG DEALER.
DRUG DEALER
Sorry, Doc, I'm all out of Panama
Red.
Shit!

LANG

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

MARION
He's not the typical navel-gazing
academic, if that's what you mean.
He lives in the real world.

7.

KIRK
That's a first for your department.
MARION
I think he's the right guy for the
job, Walt. But you're free to look
for someone else...
Everyone else has left. After a beat, Kirk's SIGH echoes
throughout the large, empty room.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. BEACH - A LITTLE LATER
A pair of black wingtip shoes WALKS UP to Lang in the sand.
Lang looks up to see Marion SMILING DOWN at him with a file
folder. (The Rand HQ can be seen across the street in the
background.)
Busy?

MARION
CUT TO:

INT. MADAME WU'S RESTAURANT - LATER

An overdecorated Chinese restaurant that's the height of 60's
cocktail culture. Marion and Lang dine in a banquette. Lang
hardly touches the food as he rambles on excitedly.
LANG
...Joseph Heller and Ralph Ellison.
And, in music, you've got to have
Woody Guthrie. Bob Dylan. Simon &
Garfunkel. James Brown, possibly.
The Supremes. The Rolling Stones.
The Byrds. And you absolutely have
to save the Beatles.
MARION
I think you're going to have to
narrow it down some.
LANG
Okay, so forget Ringo.
Garfunkel.

And

MARION
May I put in a vote for Liberace?
Lang shoots him a dubious look.
MARION (cont'd)
Never mind. It's your project.
You make the calls.

8.

LANG
Six spaces... It's tough, Martin.
How can I preserve all of American
culture with just six cots in a
cave somewhere? And what criteria
should I use for this postapocalyptic society? I mean,
Truman Capote probably won't eat
much, but he certainly won't mate
with anybody. And Cassius Clay
would probably be helpful, but
who's he going to fight -- Hubert
Humphrey?
Just then, Kessler APPROACHES with a YOUNG STARLET on his
arm.
Gentlemen.
List?

KESSLER
How goes the Lollipop

MARION
Hello, Herb. Actually, Dr. Lang is
handling that project now. Peter
Lang, I'd like you to meet Dr.
Herbert Kessler. The dean of
America's nuclear strategy.
Lang gets up to SHAKE KESSLER'S HAND.
Ah.

Huh?

LANG
Doctor Doomsday, I presume.
STARLET
(confused, to Kessler)

KESSLER
(with phony modesty)
Oh, that's just something they
called me on the cover of Time
magazine.
STARLET
(impressed, sexily)
Oooh.
KESSLER
You can call me Herb. Say, Lang,
I've got a candidate for your list.
Miss... er, what's your name again,
honey?
STARLET
Darlene Gornik.
KESSLER
Miss Gornik here has played an
important part in American culture.
(MORE)

9.
KESSLER (cont'd)
She had a walk-on role in
"Petticoat Junction" last week.

He WINKS at Lang.
LANG
That's, er, wonderful. We'll
definitely put her into
consideration then.
KESSLER
Much obliged. Now, shall we
adjourn to my office, Miss Gornik?
I can show you some beautiful
photos of South Pacific islands
I've blown up.
Kessler WALKS OFF with the starlet.

Marion turns to Lang.

MARION
Did you see her on "Petticoat
Junction"?
LANG
That show is a piece of crap. Only
one worth watching is "The Beverly
Hillbillies."
MARION
Now, see, it's that ability to draw
these fine cultural distinctions
that makes you perfect for this
project.
LANG
Hey, every think-tank needs a
yahoo, right? And if it's my lowbrow sensibilities rather than my
sixteen years of college that got
me this assignment, so be it. I'm
grateful, Martin. Thank you. I
know some people have to wait years
for their own project.
MARION
You deserve it, Lang. You bring a
fresh perspective to RAND. And
with everything that's happening in
the world right now, God knows we
need it.
A WAITER brings the check.
card.

Marion takes out his Diner's Club

MARION (cont'd)
Unfortunately, you'll still have to
operate within the confines of our
bureaucracy. You know this project
requires a security clearance?

10.

LANG
Security clearance?
MARION
Mandatory for anyone dealing with
nuclear secrets. But it's a
formality, really. Just a few
simple questions...
SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP - GRIM AIR FORCE LIEUTENANT
LIEUTENANT
Have you ever practiced any deviant
sexual behavior?
WIDEN TO REVEAL we're...
INT. RAND - CONFERENCE ROOM - THE NEXT MORNING
Lang sits across the table from TWO STERN AIR FORCE OFFICERS.
There's no one else in the room except a STENOGRAPHER quietly
typing in the corner.
LANG
(taken aback)
Excuse me?
LIEUTENANT
Have you ever practiced any deviant
sexual behavior?
LANG
Not as much as I'd like.
The officers are not amused.

They exchange a glance, then...

LIEUTENANT
Okay, let's go on to the next
question. Have you ever purchased
or consumed illegal narcotics?
LANG
That's between me and my dealer.
The Lieutenant takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of
his nose. The other officer (a Captain) leans forward.
CAPTAIN
For half an hour now,
you've been giving us
answers. I was under
impression you wanted
clearance.

Doctor,
these flip
the
this

LANG
Yeah, I do. But these questions
are bullshit.

11.

STENOGRAPHER
I'm sorry, did you say-LANG
"Bullshit." I said these questions
are bull shit.
The stenographer looks confused, then apparently finds the
right keys to type "bullshit" and proceeds.
LANG (CONT'D)
And what I may or may not have
smoked and where I may or may not
have put my cock-(to stenographer)
"Cock." C-O-Got it.

STENOGRAPHER

LANG
-- has absolutely no bearing on my
ability to perform this work.
CAPTAIN
Dr. Lang, I don't know what your
work entails, but I do know it
involves the highest level of
security clearance there is.
Presumably, it has something to do
with nuclear weapons. And if
someone working with nuclear
weapons were to be subject to
blackmail, because of a drug
problem or a sexual indiscretion,
millions of lives could be put at
risk.
LIEUTENANT
We don't ask these questions out of
a prurient interest in your private
life, Doctor. We ask them out a
sincere concern for the safety and
security of 200 million Americans.
As this sinks in, Lang's eyes drift to a PHOTO OF A MUSHROOM
CLOUD on the wall. He gazes at it for a moment, then SIGHS
IN RESIGNATION. Then, a bit embarrassed by his earlier
behavior, Lang sits up straight with A NEWLY COOPERATIVE
DEMEANOR.
LANG
I understand. Ask away.
LIEUTENANT
Have you ever practiced any deviant
sexual behavior?

12.

LANG

Yes.

(beat)
I once slept with two girls at the
same time.
The lieutenant NODS soberly.
LANG (CONT'D)
I assure you it was not un-American
in any way. Actually, it was
rather patriotic. It happened on
the Fourth of July.
Yes.

LIEUTENANT
Anything else?

LANG
Um... are blowjobs considered
deviant?
CAPTAIN
Until 1961 they were.
been revised.

That's since

LANG
Nothing else, then.
LIEUTENANT
Have you ever purchased or consumed
illegal narcotics?
Yes.

LANG

(beat)
I've, uh... Well, at Berkeley, I...
(beat)
Look, is it okay if I just type up
a list and give it to you?
(to stenographer)
Some of them are kind of hard to
spell.
LIEUTENANT
Fine. Are you now, or have you
ever been, a member of the
Communist Party?
LANG
(laughs)
Boy, that's a relic of the McCarthy
era, huh?
Yes, sir.
ask.

LIEUTENANT
But we're required to

13.

LANG
Well, no, I'm not a Communist. I'm
a firm believer in the American
Way. Start at the bottom, work
your way up to the top.
(beat)
Sorry, I just remembered another
deviant sex act I need to ask you
about.
INT. RAND - POLITICAL & SOCIAL SCIENCES DIVISION - MORNING
A bullpen area in a style best described as "1950's Corporate
Drab." In the center of the room are four grey metal desks
occupied by the FOUR YOUNG WOMEN who comprise the secretarial
pool. At the rear is an executive office belonging to Martin
Marion, and around the perimeter are large, beige cubicles
occupied by the Division's ANALYSTS.
ONE OF THE CUBICLES is not like the others. It's sloppy,
piled high with books, newspapers and magazines (including
"Esquire", "Down Beat" and "Mad"), as well as old Coke
bottles, Frito bags, etc. This is...
LANG'S CUBICLE
Right now, Dr. Lang leans back in his chair, pondering a
CHALKBOARD on the wall in front of him.
On it are MORE THAN 100 NAMES, a catalog of 60's cultural
heroes running the gamut from Woody Guthrie to Malcolm X.
MARTIN MARION
enters the bullpen and heads toward his office with his hat,
briefcase, and bagged lunch. But he stops when he SEES LANG.
MARION
Gracious. This is the first time
I've seen you here before noon.
LANG
Hey, I can get up early when
there's something important to do.
Like save American culture or get
my car back from the impound.
MARION
(re: chalkboard)
Quite a list you've assembled
there.
LANG
Yeah, gotta narrow it down some.
Then comes the hard part.
Contacting these people,
interviewing them, and deciding
who's going to live or die.

14.

MARION
Friday, by five o'clock, please.
Banana?
He offers Lang a banana from his bag. Lang defers and Marion
CROSSES AWAY. A secretary, HELEN, approaches with a large
stack of file folders and magazine clippings.
HELEN
Dr. Lang, here's all the material I
could pull on...
(stumbling on some of the
names)
Andy Warhol, Vladimir Nabokov, Bob
Dylan, Marshall McLuhan, Jack
Kerouac, and Lenny Bruce. And I've
gotten telephone numbers for Norman
Mailer, Allen Ginsburg, and
Alexander Calder. But I'm having
trouble finding any contact
information for J.D. Salinger.
LANG
(beat)
Eh, he lives in the woods.
probably survive anyway.

He'll

HELEN
Now, as for this "Man Ray", I
assume this is a typo-WALTER KIRK enters the bullpen. One of the secretaries looks
surprised, STOPS TYPING, and reaches for her intercom.
SECRETARY
Mr. Kirk! I'll tell Dr. Marion
you're here.
KIRK
No, no. This is a personal call.
Actually looking for a Dr. Peter
Lang.
Spotting Lang's name on the cubicle, he WALKS UP.
HELEN
Mr. Kirk, here, please, have a
seat.
She clears a pizza box, a tennis shoe, a deflated beach ball,
and a Ouija board off of Lang's guest chair so that Kirk can
sit down. Then she CROSSES AWAY.
In Kirk's speech, we can hear the uncomfortable strain of a
huge hardass trying to sound friendly.
KIRK
(shaking Lang's hand)
Walt Kirk, Managing Director.
(MORE)

15.
KIRK (cont'd)

(beat)
So, Pete... How's it going?
LANG
Well, I'm-KIRK
Listen, Pete, I know this is your
project. And under RAND protocol,
you call the shots. That said, I
got a jingle this morning from an
old friend -- Dick Nixon. Former
Vice-President Dick Nixon? And
Dick would consider it a personal
favor if you'd include Jackie
Gleason on your list.
A BEAT OF SILENCE as this statement hangs in the air.
looks pained, but tries to be diplomatic.

Lang

LANG
The entertainer? Jackie Gleason?
(off Kirk's nod)
Hmmm. Well, I'd say, given the
small number of slots available...
that, perhaps, a slightly, er, more
"substantial" contribution to the
culture might be required to-KIRK
Sure. I'll just tell Dick that
some pointy-headed Berkeley snob
says his judgement's worth shit,
and that he and his friends can go
jump in a fucking lake.
Kirk gets up, SEETHING, and walks off. But not before
NOTICING ALL THE NAMES on the chalkboard. He points to the
name "JOHN LENNON" and smirks.
KIRK (cont'd)
Bunker's for American citizens
only, "Pete."
Kirk LEAVES.
LANG
Gleason hasn't been funny since
'56, "Walt".
Lang gets up, SIGHS, and erases "JOHN LENNON" from the board.
Then the other Beatles. Then "SAMUEL BECKETT" and "MARSHALL
McLUHAN" and "GRAHAM GREENE" and so on and so on...
DISSOLVE TO:

16.

INT. RAND - MEN'S ROOM - THAT EVENING

Lang STANDS AT A URINAL, looking a little tired.
ENTERS and stands at the urinal next to him.
Ah, Lang.

Kessler

KESSLER
Got something for you.

He reaches into his briefcase and passes Lang a HEADSHOT OF

DARLENE GORNIK.
KESSLER (cont'd)
That's got all the info you'll need
for your list. Phone number,
Social Security number, and of
course, the most important numbers:
36-24-36.
Kessler WAGGLES HIS EYEBROWS.
LANG
Oh. I, uh, thought you were
kidding before...
KESSLER
Nosiree. Tell me something, Lang.
Are there any women on that list
you're compiling?
LANG
(realizes, embarrassed)
Actually, no.
KESSLER
See? And there will be 435
Congressmen, 100 Senators, and two
dozen Cabinet officers in that
bunker. I, for one, do not wish to
fight them for the attentions of
Miss Lynda Bird Johnson. Ergo,
Miss Gornik.
(beat)
Do me this favor, kid, and maybe I
can get you in there, too. Put you
on the support staff list, perhaps
with a special lady of your own?
Do you have a special lady?
LANG
Um, no... Not anymore.
We can see from Lang's face that Kessler has touched on a
sore spot.
KESSLER
No problemo. I can get one for
you.
Kessler SLAPS LANG ON THE BACK and EXITS.

17.

EST. SHOT - THE RAND CORPORATION - THE NEXT AFTERNOON

INT. LANG'S CUBICLE - THAT MOMENT
There are many more file folders and clippings strewn about
the cubicle. Lang has clearly been working hard. Only about
30 names remain on the chalkboard.
LANG
Helen? Have we heard back from Bob
Dylan yet?
HELEN (O.S. IN BULLPEN)
No, Doctor. And I've left word
several times. Also, a friend of
yours called to say that "Panama
Red" is in town. Shall I arrange a
meeting?
What?

LANG

HELEN (O.S.)
A meeting. For you to purchase
your marijuana.
(beat)
If you're busy, I can run down to
the beach and buy it for you.
Lang peers out of his cubicle to see Helen SMILING EAGERLY.
LANG
Er, no thank you, Helen.
later.

Maybe

Lang GRABS HIS LEGAL PAD and looks at the next name. Then,
he picks up the (rotary) telephone and DIALS. After several
rings...
OLD WOMAN (V.O. ON PHONE)
Guthrie residence.
LANG
Hello. May I speak to Woody
please?
OLD WOMAN (V.O. ON PHONE)
He's out in the shed. Just a
minute...
While Lang is waiting, the PHONE RINGS at Helen's desk.
HELEN
Political and Social Sciences.
(beat)
Collect, from Berkeley, California?
Yes, we'll accept.
(beat)
(MORE)

18.
HELEN (cont'd)
I'm sorry, Miss. Dr. Lang is on
the other line right now.

Lang listens in curiously.

HELEN (cont'd)
I'll be happy to take a mess-(then, shocked)
There is no need for that, Miss! I
don't care who the "f" you-- Stop-Young lady, you have the foulest
mouth I have ever-At this, Lang's EYES WIDEN in recognition.
LANG
I'll take that, Helen!
it!

His JAW DROPS.

I'll take

WOODY GUTHRIE (V.O. ON PHONE)

Hello, this is Wood-CLICK.

Lang punches the other line.

Angela?

LANG
CUT TO:

EXT. PHONE BOOTH - BERKELEY - THAT MOMENT

ANGELA FISH crouches in a phone booth on Telegraph Avenue,
the main drag of Berkeley's counter-cultural scene. She's
panicked and livid.
ANGELA
Peter, what the fuck is going on?!
I come home to find two fucking
Nazis in Air Force uniforms waiting
outside my goddam apartment?!
Indeed, the TWO OFFICERS from earlier can be seen in the
background, waiting at the door to a three-story walk-up.
ANGELA (cont'd)
I know you're responsible for-(to someone o.s.)
No, I don't have any fucking spare
change! Beat it!
(back to phone)
This has something to do with you
and that goddam job, Peter, doesn't
it?! Doesn't it?!
ON LANG
LANG
(concerned)
Yeah... it probably does.
(MORE)

19.
LANG (cont'd)
Listen, just lay low, and I'll be
up there tonight.

ANGELA
(beat)
You better bring my fucking Judy
Collins record.
CUT TO:
OVERHEAD SHOT - 101 FREEWAY - AFTERNOON
Lang's beat-up Volkswagen Beetle ZOOMS past a sign reading
"SAN FRANCISCO - 340 MILES."
RADIO DEEJAY (v.o.)
...raid on a Viet Cong stronghold
in Quang Ngai province. Fifteen
casualties were reported.
(beat)
Speaking of raids, gang, how 'bout
the latest from Paul Revere and the
Raaaaiders?
"HUNGRY" by Paul Revere and the Raiders KICKS IN as Lang's
car speeds out of frame.
EST. SHOT - BERKELEY, 1966 - NIGHT
INT. ANGELA'S APARTMENT - THAT MOMENT
A SMALL, CLUTTERED APARTMENT with several overstuffed
bookshelves, typical of graduate students. On the walls are
a North Vietnamese flag, a portrait of Ho Chi Minh, and
assorted anti-war posters.
We hear the DOOR UNLOCK, and ANGELA LEADS LANG INSIDE.
LANG
...what those Air Force guys were
looking for. You didn't say
anything to them, did you?
ANGELA
Oh, sure. I invited them up for
tea and we traded recipes for
napalm.
(beat)
Of course I didn't fucking say
anything to them! I waited outside
until they left! The only one who
talked to them was Zager.
"Zager"?

LANG

20.

She nods toward ZAGER, a thin, scraggly-bearded guy wearing

only jockey shorts, asleep on the mattress in the next room.
Lang LOOKS UNCOMFORTABLE.
ANGELA
He moved in after you left.
LANG
(beat, then)
Are you sleeping with him?
ANGELA
That's really none of your business
anymore, is it? Zager, wake up.
C'mon, you lazy piece of shit, get
up.
Zager rouses himself, looking sleepy and/or stoned.
What?

ZAGER
Oh, hey, baby...

ANGELA
Those Air Force goons.
they want?

What did

ZAGER
They wanted to know everything I
knew about Dr. Peter Lang. So I
told 'em the truth. I don't know
jack shit about Dr. Peter Lang.
Never heard of him.
LANG
Yet you have no qualms about
wearing his old underwear.
Zager looks down at his jockey shorts, confused.
What?

ZAGER

LANG
Never mind. You can keep them.
Lang SHUTS THE DOOR on Zager.
LANG (cont'd)
Well, doesn't sound like they got
anything on me.
ANGELA
(disdainful)
Typical. You're more concerned
about preserving your pathetic
Establishment credentials than
about--

21.

LANG
Look, we don't need to replay the
entire break-up, okay? It's over.
There's just one thing left we need
to take care of.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. ANGELA'S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - A LITTLE LATER
Lang and Angela sit on the floor in front of the stereo,
DIVIDING UP THEIR RECORD COLLECTION.
LANG
Well, the Judy Collins is yours,
obviously.
ANGELA
Ornette Coleman is yours. You
know, I have enough trouble with
the FBI and the pigs up here
without you embroiling me in
whatever sinister shit you're up to
now.
LANG
Herman's Hermits, that's mine. I
am not involved in any "sinister
shit".
ANGELA
Yes you are. RAND is one of the
biggest cogs in the war machine. A
war that -- don't you touch that
Supremes album, fucker -- A war
that, at one time, you were
committed to ending. Remember the
rallies? The meetings? Or was
that all just an act to get me into
the sack? Roy Orbison's yours.
LANG
(smiles wistfully)
Would've done just about anything
to get you into the sack. But no,
I -- "Rubber Soul" and "Hard Day's
Night" are yours, "Help!" and
"Beatles '65" are mine -- I did
believe in ending the War. And I
still do. I just got real.
ANGELA
And shaved your beard and put on a
tie and turned the sexy radical I
fell in love with into some junior
Dr. Strangelove. Why?

22.

LANG
Because if you want to change the
world, Angela, that's how you have
to do it. Nobody cares about a
bunch of long-haired nineteen yearolds shouting in the streets. They
can't even vote! Whether you like
it or not, the future of this
country is determined by middleaged white men in smoke-filled
conference rooms. And it always
will be. So, instead of putting up
an utterly futile fight against
those men, I joined them.
(beat)
Whose Dylan album is this?
He holds up "The Times They Are A-Changin'".
ANGELA
Both of ours. That was the first
record we ever bought together.
LANG
Right.
(beat)
I'm on the inside now, Angela. And
I plan to use every scrap of power
I can get to shape this country
into the place you and I wanted it
to be.
ANGELA
(skeptical)
Really. And what have you done so
far?
Having no good answer for this, Lang sits in UNCOMFORTABLE
SILENCE. His gaze drifts down to THE FACE OF BOB DYLAN.
CUT TO:
INT. POLITICAL & SOCIAL SCIENCES DIVISION - THE NEXT MORNING
Lang ENTERS, carrying the Dylan record, and walks past Helen.
LANG
Morning, Helen. Have we gotten
through to Bob Dylan yet?
HELEN
No, Doctor. A young man at his
office assured me he'd pass on the
message, but I don't trust him. He
seemed homosexual.
LANG
Uh... well, you keep trying. It's
important. How about Lenny Bruce?

23.

HELEN
Nothing yet, sir. But you do have
some messages from yesterday
afternoon...
She follows Lang to his cubicle, reading from A STACK OF
PHONE SLIPS.
HELEN (cont'd)
At 3:12 p.m., Allan Ginsburg
called. His message was "I want
nothing to do with RAND or its
cadre of war-mongering pseudointellectual military-industrial
star-spangled mass-murdering--"
(holds up multiple slips)
Well, he went on for several
minutes. Do you -LANG
That's okay, I get the idea... Did
he even know why we were calling?
HELEN
All I tell them is that I'm calling
for Dr. Peter Lang of the RAND
Corporation. This project is top
secret, isn't it?
Yeah...

LANG

As he's erasing Allan Ginsburg's name from the chalkboard,

Lang is surprised to see A NEW NAME HAS BEEN ADDED in
distinctly different handwriting.
LANG (cont'd)
...Helen, did you write "Bob Hope"
on here?
HELEN
No, sir. Tampering with classified
blackboards is a felonious offense.
LANG
Huh...
(erasing "Bob Hope")
Any other messages?
HELEN
Yes. At 4:25 p.m., Jack Kerouac
called. His message was "Bug off".
Or, words to that effect.
Got it.

LANG

He erases Kerouac's name.

24.

HELEN
And between 4:30 and 6:45 p.m., we
received essentially identical
messages from Norman Mailer,
Malcolm X, Henry Miller, Andy
Warhol, and Ray Bradbury's wife.
Apparently, he doesn't like to use
the telephone.
LANG
I'm sorry you had to be subjected
to all that abuse, Helen.
HELEN
That's all right, Doctor.
directed at you.

It was

INT. LANG'S CUBICLE - LUNCHTIME

Lang glumly eats a sandwich while staring at his radically
depleted list. Only about a dozen names remain on the
chalkboard. "Bob Dylan" and "Lenny Bruce" are now circled
and starred.
Meanwhile, the telephone RINGS and RINGS.
Helen?
No response.

LANG
Helen?

Lang gives up and ANSWERS THE PHONE himself.

Hello?
Dr. Lang!
...Yes?

LANG (cont'd)
VOICE (V.O. ON PHONE)
LANG

VOICE (V.O. ON PHONE)

Glad I caught you! Sid Slotkin
from the William Morris Agency!
Heard about the project you've been
working on. Fan-tastic!
LANG
(incredulous)
How did you hear-SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE)
Listen, have I got the guy for you!
Norm Crosby. I tell ya, Norm would
be dynamite in a bunker!
LANG
I really don't think--

25.

SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE)

Let him come over and do a set for
you. Norm has some H-bomb material
that will blow you away, pun
intended. But you gotta act fast,
cause he's booked at Harrah's for
the-LANG
I am not interested in Norm Crosby!
Now I've got to go-SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE)
Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Okay, screw
Norm. I've got another client for
ya -- Buddy Ebsen. From "The
Beverly Hillbillies"?
Lang doesn't hang up.
SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
You like the Hillbillies?
...Yeah.

LANG
Actually, I do.

SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE)

Fan-tastic! 'Cause Buddy's a big
fan of your work. He loves this
project. Dr. Lang, how would you
like to go over and meet Buddy on
the set of "The Beverly
Hillbillies"?
We can see from the excitement on Lang's face that he is
SERIOUSLY TEMPTED. He glances at his watch.
LANG
I don't know if I can...
SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE)
Come on! You sound like you could
use a pick-me-up. Go on over,
share a bagel with Jed Clampett.
LANG
(beat, then)
Listen. Buddy Ebsen is not in
serious contention for this
project, nor will he ever be. But
I do like the show, and I'd love to
meet him.
SLOTKIN (V.O. ON PHONE)
Gotcha. Now let's talk business.
I understand you're interested in
my client Darlene Gornik...

26.

EST. SHOT - GENERAL SERVICES STUDIOS - LATER THAT DAY

Stage Four. An enormous portrait of the Beverly Hillbillies
decorates the exterior wall.
INT. BEVERLY HILLBILLIES STAGE - THAT MOMENT
A good-natured BUDDY EBSEN is showing around Dr. Lang, who is
completely star-struck.
BUDDY EBSEN
...and that's the kitchen. Right
behind that's the Commerce Bank
set, and over there's our swimming
pool.
LANG
The see-ment pond!
BUDDY EBSEN
Uh-huh. Let's have a seat over
here, why don't we?
He leads Lang to a row of DIRECTOR'S CHAIRS marked "BUDDY
EBSEN - Jed", "IRENE RYAN - Granny", "MAX BAER - Jethro",
etc. Lang MARVELS at them.
BUDDY EBSEN (CONT'D)
Take Max's. He's over in Wardrobe,
getting his Jethrine costume on.
LANG
So it's okay if I just "take my
shoes off, sit a spell"?
BUDDY EBSEN
(chuckles)
You go right ahead.
Buddy takes a seat next to Lang.
BUDDY EBSEN (cont'd)
Sid told me you were fan of show,
Doc. And that's why I said I'd
meet you. As for this bunker
business...
Lang SHIFTS UNCOMFORTABLY in his chair.
BUDDY EBSEN (cont'd)
...well, don't give it a second
thought. I know I'm not some sort
of cultural treasure. I'm no
Archibald MacLeish. Just an actor,
likes to make people laugh. The
thought of Jed Clampett being
singled out to survive World War
III... Wellll, doggies!

27.

Lang can't help but LAUGH at this.

Buddy WINKS.

BUDDY EBSEN (cont'd)

That was for you. No, I realize
you're doing serious work, and it's
something I truly do respect.
LANG
Thank you, sir. It's really nice
to hear someone say that.
BUDDY EBSEN
Hell, you boys deserve a pat on the
back. Trying to figure out what's
best for this country? In these
times? That's just about the
toughest job there is.
LANG
It's not easy. But it is right
across the street from the beach.
STAGEHAND (O.S.)
Is there a Dr. Lang here? Got a
phone call for Dr. Lang.
Lang turns to see a STAGEHAND standing by a wall phone in the
distance.
LANG
(getting up, to Buddy)
Uh... Excuse me.
He walks over, looking puzzled, and GRABS THE PHONE.
LANG (cont'd)
This is Dr. Lang.
HELEN (V.O. ON PHONE)
Doctor, I'm sorry to interrupt, I
know you're with the Hillbillies,
but this is an emergency. Your
landlord just called. Someone's
broken into your apartment.
LANG
Shit! Thank you, Helen.
(hangs up, calls over to
Buddy)
Mr. Ebsen, something's come up,
I've got to go. But thanks, thank
you very much.
Buddy waves goodbye as Lang RUNS OUT.
dressed as "Jethrine".
MAX BAER
Who was that?

MAX BAER walks over,

28.

BUDDY EBSEN
Fella from the RAND Corporation my
agent sent over.
MAX BAER
God, I wish I had your agent.
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
Lang's VW SCREECHES TO A HALT out front.
INT. LANG'S APARTMENT - A MOMENT LATER
Lang ENTERS to find the Air Force LIEUTENANT and CAPTAIN in
his apartment, along with a significantly more sinister
COLONEL. The place has been RANSACKED.
The Lieutenant is closing up his briefcase, and it looks like
they were getting ready to leave.
LANG
What are you doing here?! Get the
hell out of my apartment!!
The Colonel signals to the others, who follow him toward the
door.
COLONEL
Don't act so surprised, Doctor.
You know why we were here.
LANG
I don't see what gives you the
right to-CAPTAIN
You could make this a whole lot
easier on yourself, son. All it
takes is two words...
Bob.

LIEUTENANT
Hope.

What?!

LANG

COLONEL
Put him back on the goddam list.
LANG
(outraged)
No!! Fuck you!

And fuck Bob Hope!

The officers remain stone-faced.

turns to Lang.

As they EXIT, the Colonel

29.

COLONEL
He's done a whole helluva lot more
for this nation than punks like
you.
LANG
(beat)
Shouldn't you be in Vietnam?
The colonel GRUMBLES and slams the door. Lang flops down on
his couch, exhausted, and surveys the damage.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - THE NEXT MORNING
Lang COMES OUT the door, looking haggard. He bends over and
picks up his Los Angeles Herald-Tribune. Near the bottom of
page one is a small article with the headline "COMEDIAN LENNY
BRUCE DEAD OF DRUG OVERDOSE."
Aw, shit!

LANG

He tosses the paper in the bushes and WALKS TOWARD HIS CAR.
Across the street, TWO THUGS in dark suits get out of a
Cadillac and HEAD HIM OFF.
You Lang?
Yeah...

THUG #1
LANG

THUG #2
Your list. Tear it up.
the new one.

This is

He SHOVES a piece of paper into Lang's hand.

LANG
(reading it)
"1, Frank Sinatra. 2, Dean Martin.
3, Sammy Davis, Jr. 4, Joey
Bishop. 5, Peter Lawford. 6, Joey
Heatherton."
Lang looks at the list in amused disbelief.
LANG (cont'd)
What about Frank Sinatra, Jr.?
What about Nancy? What kind of Dad
would-Thug #2 PUNCHES LANG in the face.
THUG #2
Don't make fun.

30.

They walk back to their Cadillac, leaving Lang MOANING and

CLUTCHING HIS FACE in the middle of the street.
EXT. RAND - PARKING LOT - A LITTLE LATER
Lang pulls into a parking space and GETS OUT OF HIS CAR. He
now has a BLACK EYE and appears to be nearly PARALYZED WITH
RAGE.
As he journeys towards his office, we follow along with
CONTINUOUS STEADICAM ACTION.
He passes Walter Kirk, changing out of his golf cleats in the
front seat of his Buick Riviera.
KIRK
Just got back from golf with Dick
Nixon. And let me tell you, pal -if Dick Nixon ever gets back in the
saddle, you are fucked.
Lang says nothing and continues into the building.
IN THE LOBBY
Kessler spots Lang and HURRIES ALONG beside him.
KESSLER
Kid. Hope it's not too late to
make a revision. This is who I
want in the bunker.
He pulls a HEADSHOT of a COMPLETELY NEW STARLET out of his
briefcase and thrusts it into Lang's hand. Lang KEEPS
WALKING, and Kessler -- who can't keep up -- CALLS AFTER HIM.
KESSLER (cont'd)
Make sure to take Gornik off the
list. Don't let her in! I want
her far away and incinerated!
Lang wings the photo into a potted plant and CONTINUES ON.
IN THE HALLWAY
Martin Marion passes Lang and stops to talk to him.
MARION
Lang, I'm afraid we've run into a
little snag regarding your security
clear-(off his look)
Er, we'll talk once you've settled
in.
IN THE BULLPEN
Lang enters and MAKES A BEELINE for his cubicle.
UP to him, PANICKED.

Helen RUNS

31.

HELEN
Doctor, I, I don't know what's
going on, but-(gasp)
Oh my goodness, look at your eye!
I'll get some ice. But you should
know that this morning, some men
came, and they-- well, they-Lang steps into...
HIS CUBICLE
...to see that it's COMPLETELY EMPTY. The chalkboard is
gone, too. The only thing remaining is his telephone, which
sits in the middle of the floor.
Lang just stands there, staring in DUMBSTRUCK FURY.
HELEN
I, I did manage to save this...
She holds up his Dylan album, smiling weakly. After a long
beat of silence, the TELEPHONE RINGS. Lang picks it up.
FAMOUS VOICE (V.O. ON PHONE)
Yeah, this is Bob Hope. What's
this I hear about you pickin' Norm
Crosby? He's a Jew, y'know. I
don't know what kinda half-assed
future you're plannin' for us, kid,
but I don't like it. You and your
long-haired-LANG
(freaking out)
EEEYAAAAGH!!!
In a tremendous explosion of pent-up rage, Lang HURLS THE
PHONE through a plate glass window, SHATTERING IT.
For several seconds, the only sound is SEAGULLS IN THE
DISTANCE. Then...
Dr. Lang?

SPOFFORD (O.S., DISTANT)

Lang peers out the window. Three stories below is Executive

Director SPOFFORD, looking up quizzically at the telephone
dangling above him.
SPOFFORD (cont'd)
May I see you in my office, please?
INT. EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR'S OFFICE - SEVERAL MINUTES LATER
The inner sanctum. Photos of Spofford with Presidents and
Prime Ministers decorate one wall, and a sideboard is lined
with models of prototype missiles, bombers, and spacecraft.

32.

Bathed in stark shadows from the venetian blinds, it's an

intimidating setting.
Spofford sits behind his desk.

Lang ENTERS, abashed.

SPOFFORD
We'll send you the bill for the
window. Have a seat, please.
Lang SITS DOWN in a leather wingback guest chair. Amidst the
stateliness of the office, Lang -- with his black eye, shaggy
sideburns, and rumpled suit -- looks positively
insignificant.
LANG
...Sir, I think I should apolo-SPOFFORD
As you've no doubt guessed, there's
been some difficulty with your
security clearance.
Spofford gets up from his desk, walks over to Lang, and DROPS
A THICK FILE FOLDER on his lap. Stamped on the front in red
is the word "REJECTED."
Go ahead.

SPOFFORD (cont'd)
Take a look.

Lang opens the file. On top is a BLACK & WHITE PHOTO of Lang
(with beard and longer hair) at a Berkeley anti-war rally
with Angela.
He SIGHS, then flips through the rest of the file. It
contains PHOTO AFTER PHOTO of the two of them at marches,
meetings, sit-ins, and so on.
SPOFFORD (cont'd)
They might have been willing to
overlook the drugs, the sex, but
when you start questioning war...
Well, that's their raison d'etre.
LANG
To be honest, sir, I-SPOFFORD
Doesn't bother me, particularly.
You're entitled to your opinion.
And God knows, we'd never get
anywhere around here if we didn't
use men with questionable pasts.
Have you ever visited our Rocket
Science Division?
LANG
There do seem to be a number of--

33.

SPOFFORD
A man down there actually called me
"Fuhrer" the other day!
(beat)
There is one matter I must ask you
about. Rather serious. I'm told
you lied during your interview.
LANG
I didn't really ever "lie", I just-SPOFFORD
Oh, you lied.
I did?

LANG

SPOFFORD
Yes. You said you weren't a member
of the Communist Party.
LANG
(genuinely baffled)
But I'm not-- I never-Spofford reaches over to his desk and picks up a glassine
"evidence" envelope. He takes out a SMALL CARD and shows it
to Lang.
SPOFFORD
"The North Vietnamese People's
Revolutionary Party. Berkeley,
California, Chapter." Membership
card signed by Dr. Peter Lang,
March 12, 1965. Care to explain?
A look of recognition and regret comes across Lang's face.
He'd clearly forgotten about this. Now, he struggles to find
the right words to answer Spofford.
LANG
I did sign that card, sir. But it
was under circumstances that...
There was an emotional component
to...
(deep breath, then)
To be blunt, I signed it to get a
girl into the sack.
SPOFFORD
(beat)
Did it work?
LANG
Yes... But then I fell in love with
her.

34.

SPOFFORD
The gentlemanly thing to do. So,
you're not here to plot the violent
overthrow of the U.S. Government?
LANG
No. Though I wouldn't mind
changing a few things.
SPOFFORD
Good. Because we don't make any
money if we keep things the same,
now do we?
Spofford slips the card into the folder and takes it from
Lang. He grabs a fountain pen, scratches out "REJECTED", and
writes "APP'D -- E.E.S." He tosses the folder into his "OUT"
box and sits back down at his desk.
Lang is surprised, pleased, and somewhat awed.
SPOFFORD (cont'd)
Now, as for this "Lollipop List",
please have it in by tomorrow.
He slides SIX LARGE MANILA ENVELOPES across the desk to Lang.
SPOFFORD (cont'd)
These envelopes contain medical
questionnaires, secrecy affidavits,
and instructions on who to call and
where to report in the event of
nuclear attack. They are to be
given to your six choices by 5:00
p.m.
LANG
About that, sir. I've been having
a little trouble compiling-SPOFFORD
Oh, for Pete's sake. This isn't
the world's most difficult
assignment. Just pick six people
who, in your mind, best represent
American culture. Use whatever
criteria you like.
Yessir.

LANG

SPOFFORD
Let's be done with this, eh? There
are other projects I'd like your
input on.
Lang SMILES, nods, and picks up the envelopes.
EST. SHOT - COLUMBIA RECORDS - LATER THAT MORNING

35.

INT. COLUMBIA RECORDS - LOBBY - JUST THEN

Lang ENTERS the building and crosses to the RECEPTIONIST.
LANG
(all business)
I need to see Bob Dylan. No, I
don't have an appointment. This is
an urgent matter of national sec-RECEPTIONIST
(doesn't care)
Fourth floor.
INT. BOB DYLAN'S OUTER OFFICE - AN HOUR LATER
Gold records and blow-ups of Dylan's album covers line the
walls. Dr. Lang sits impatiently on a sofa, clutching his
briefcase, as FOUR HIPPER-THAN-THOU ASSISTANTS go about their
business, not giving him a second glance.
LANG
Excuse me.
(no response)
Excuse me?

Yes?

ASSISTANT #1 ("GRAHAM")
(snippy)

LANG
I've been waiting for over an hour.
I was told Mr. Dylan was in today,
and that I might be able to see
him?
GRAHAM
Who told you that?
LANG
The guy who was at that desk
before. With the beard, and the
vest?
GRAHAM
A vest? Yuck. I don't know who
that would be. And who do you
represent?
LANG
I'm from the RAND Corporation.
GRAHAM
The photocopier company? Mr. Dylan
does not meet with salesmen.

36.

LANG
No, it's a private operations
research corporation, a think-tank,
affiliated with the Air Force.
The assistants LOOK AT LANG like he is from Mars.
ASSISTANT #2 ("SUZIE")
Are you sure you're not looking for
Bob Hope's office?
LANG
No! I need to speak to Bob Dylan
personally about a top secret
matter. Frankly, it involves life
and death.
GRAHAM
I'll see what I can do.
He crosses to his desk and SITS DOWN. Then, he just STARTS
LEAFING CASUALLY through a copy of the "L.A. Free Press".
GRAHAM (cont'd)
(to another assistant)
Oh. My. God. Guess who's playing
the Whisky next week? The Troggs!
Lang ROLLS HIS EYES.
DISSOLVE TO:
SIX HOURS LATER
Lang is the only person in the outer office except for a
JANITOR vacuuming the carpet. Looking tired and frustrated,
Lang kills time by perusing the contents of one of the manila
envelopes. He GLANCES AT HIS WATCH.
Just then, Suzie comes out of Dylan's office with some
papers.
LANG
Hey, can you give me some idea of
when I'm going to get to see Mr.
Dylan? 'Cause I've been here all
day and-SUZIE
Oh, didn't somebody tell you?
Bob's gone.
What?!

LANG

Lang darts past Suzie and THROWS OPEN the door to the inner
office. It is indeed empty. (And there's a second exit.)

37.

SUZIE
Um, excuse me? That's a private-LANG
Shit!! Do you have any fucking
idea how important this is?! If I
don't see Bob Dylan by-SUZIE
Mister, I don't know who you think
you are, but get off your ego trip,
okay? You're just some weird old
guy in a suit from the Air Force or
something, and that is not Bob's
bag. Last time I looked, he was
against the war, and I'm pretty
sure he doesn't want to talk to one
of LBJ's buzz-cut baby-killers
today. Or ever.
Lang is so INSULTED and so ENRAGED by this that he doesn't
even know where to begin. He just stands there, STUNNED.
SUZIE (cont'd)
Look, if you need to give him that
envelope, just leave it with me,
okay?
Lang THINKS FOR A BEAT. Then he picks up his briefcase,
fumbles around inside it for a moment, and HANDS HER THE
ENVELOPE.
Here.

LANG
Should be self-explanatory.

Lang WALKS OUT the door, FROWNING.

MATCH CUT TO:
INT. RAND - MARTIN MARION'S OFFICE - THE NEXT DAY - NOON
Lang WALKS IN the door, SMILING.
paper.

He hands Marion a piece of

MARION
Well... the Lollipop List.
five hours early, no less.

And

LANG
Actually, I finished last night.
But then this morning, I overslept.
So it evens out.
MARION
The carbons?

38.

LANG
Already on their way to Washington.
So if the world ends this weekend,
we can relax.
Marion gets up to put the list in his wall safe.
unlocks it, he SCANS THE NAMES.

As he

MARION
Hmmm. Never heard of any of these
people. Well, perhaps one...
(places it inside)
So, are you happy with your six
choices?
Very.

LANG
CUT TO:

INT. BOB DYLAN'S OFFICE - THAT MOMENT

From behind, we see BOB DYLAN sitting at his desk. He PICKS
UP the manila envelope Lang left for him and SLICES IT OPEN
with a letter-opener.
It is EMPTY.
He SHAKES IT, but there is absolutely nothing inside.
BOB DYLAN
What the hell...?
CUT TO:
INT. BEVERLY HILLBILLIES STAGE - THAT MOMENT
Buddy Ebsen is sitting on his director's chair.
stagehand approaches with a manila envelope.

The

STAGEHAND
Courier brought this for you,
Buddy.
(beat)
Brought 'em for the rest of the
cast, too.
He sets an envelope on EACH OF THE OTHER FIVE CHAIRS -"IRENE RYAN - Granny", "MAX BAER - Jethro", "DONNA DOUGLAS Elly May", "RAYMOND BAILEY - Mr. Drysdale" and "NANCY KULP Miss Hathaway".
Offscreen, we hear Buddy TEARING OPEN his envelope, and
then...
BUDDY EBSEN (O.S.)
Wellll, doggies!
FADE OUT.

39.

THE END