296 Abuse Review Vol.

16: 296310
Child
Buckley
(2007)
et al.
Published online in Wiley InterScience
(www.interscience.wiley.com) DOI: 10.1002/car.995

Helen Buckley*
Stephanie Holt
School of Social Work and Social
Policy, Trinity College Dublin,
Ireland

Sadhbh Whelan
Childrens Research Centre, Trinity
College Dublin, Ireland

Children respond
in unique ways to
living with domestic
violence

Listen to Me!
Childrens
Experiences of
Domestic Violence
This paper reports on a study undertaken in the Republic of Ireland
during 2005 and is based on the experiences of children and young
people who have lived with domestic violence. The objectives of the
study were to explore the impact of domestic violence on children,
identify their needs and recommend appropriate interventions to be
brokered through a centrally based womens support service. Data
were gathered from 70 participants, including 37 service providers/
volunteers, 11 mothers and 22 children and young people who had
lived in violent environments. The data indicated that children respond
in unique ways to living with domestic violence, and that services to
meet their needs must be tailored to suit their individual situations. The
impact of domestic violence on their lives manifested itself with regard
to their sense of fear and anxiety in relation to themselves, their siblings
and their mothers; their self-esteem and sense of being different, their
relationships (including ambivalent relationships with their fathers); their
experiences of education and their sense of a lost childhood. The final
report for the study was based on the total data collection, but this
paper will concentrate primarily on the material elicited from the children
and young people. Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
KEY WORDS: children; domestic violence; child protection

ecent research (Humphreys and Stanley, 2006; Calder, 2004;

McGee, 2000; Humphreys and Mullender, 2002; Hester et al.,
2000) affirms the notion that very few children living with domestic violence remain unaffected by the experience. While there is
growing sensitivity to the issue, the complexities which surround
it can mean that this population may have low visibility in certain
key sites where opportunities for intervention potentially exist. The
study on which this article is based was designed to inform the
development of a programme known as the Childrens Initiative
in a womens support service in Co. Mayo, Ireland, and was
underpinned by a commitment to include information from children
and young people about their experiences of living with domestic

R
This population
may have low
visibility in certain
key sites

Correspondence to: Helen Buckley, School of Social Work and Social Policy, Trinity
College, Dublin 2, Ireland. E-mail: hbuckley@tcd.ie
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons,
Child
Ltd.Abuse Review Vol. 16: 296310 (2007)
DOI: 10.1002/car

Childrens Experiences of Domestic Violence

297

violence and their opinions as to what services would benefit

others in the same situation.

Theories on the Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

While one of the aims of the research was to explore the impact of
domestic violence on children, it was not possible, within the scope
of this study, to establish this with any degree of scientific certainty.
Therefore, in order to provide a conceptual basis for the research,
an extensive literature review was conducted to explore national and
international research on the subject. Essentially, the literature review established that intimate violence is a pervasive experience,
colouring all aspects of family life for those directly or indirectly
involved (Goldblatt, 2003, p. 533). Children are neither untouched
by the violence, nor merely passive bystanders within the abusive
family system, but can be involved in the abuse on a number of
levels (Fantuzzo and Mohr, 1999).
The growing body of research suggests that children who live
in households where their mothers are abused by partners or expartners are significantly affected and experience considerable
distress (Abrahams, 1994; Mullender and Morley, 1994; Stark and
Flitcraft, 1996; Pryke and Thomas, 1998; Brandon and Lewis, 1996;
Cleaver et al., 1999; Hester et al., 2000; McGee, 2000; Mullender
et al., 2003). Firstly, there is a clear and irrefutable link between
the presence of domestic violence and the co-occurrence of child
abuse (Edleson, 1999; McGuigan and Pratt, 2001; Jones et al., 2002;
Lundy and Grossman, 2005). Violence between the parents may
overspill into the parent-child relationship (Appel and Holden,
1998), children may be hurt when trying to intervene, or injured
in order to terrorise their mother. They may experience physical
abuse by their mothers, where stress and psychological trauma
result in poor or compromised parenting (Straus, 1983). Furthermore, there is clear empirical evidence that children are at risk
for physical and sexual abuse by their mothers abuser (Hester and
Pearson, 1998; McGee, 2000; Kellog and Menard, 2003; Weinehall,
2005).
Secondly, there is mixed research evidence regarding the impact
of domestic violence on the parenting skills and abilities of both
mothers and fathers. While more than three-quarters of mothers in
Abrahams (1994) research had considered that depression, fear and
exhaustion had made their parenting more difficult, Holden et al.
(1998, p. 304) concluded from a similar study that the parenting
of women from violent situations was not diminished compared
to a matched group of women in the same community from nonviolent situations. Childrens experience of being parented by a
male batterer is explored extensively by Bancroft and Silverman
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

A pervasive
experience,
colouring all
aspects of
family life

Link between
the presence
of domestic
violence and the
co-occurrence
of child abuse

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298

Significant
problems
associated with
the parenting
styles of
batterers

Presence of
multiple stressors
in a childs life may
serve two purposes

Their perceptions
of their needs and
their suggestions
for services

Buckley et al.

(2002) who conclude that there are significant problems associated

with the parenting styles of batterers, including a heightened risk
for abuse and neglect, undermining of the mother and psychological risks to the children.
Thirdly, growing up in an abusive home environment can critically jeopardise the developmental progress and personal ability of
children (Martin, 2002; McIntosh, 2002; Gelles and Straus, 1994,
p. 329), the cumulative effect of which may be carried into adulthood and can contribute significantly to the cycle of adversity and
violence (Levendosky and Graham-Bermann, 2001; Cunningham
and Baker, 2004).
Fourthly, Huth-Bocks et al. (2001) posit that because domestic
violence is not an isolated event but occurs within a family system,
it has potential to disrupt broader family functioning and the home
environment, a point also made by Jaffe and Geffner (1998). As
such, children not only have to deal with immediate impact of
the violent episodes, but also the ensuing fallout of the violence,
such as parental stress and depression or changes in their home situation. Rossman (2000) has adopted the term adversity package to
describe the multiple stressors which cluster together in the lives
of most young people who are experiencing or have experienced
violence in the home: poverty, child abuse, parental substance
abuse, unemployment, homelessness and involvement in crime, to
name but a few. The presence of multiple stressors in a childs life
may serve two purposesboth increasing the risk for negative
outcomes and potentially rendering indistinct the exact relationship
between domestic violence and those negative outcomes (Jones
et al., 2002).
Finally, research shows that the ending of the relationship does
not always result in a cessation of violence, with child contact often
acting as a flashpoint or catalyst for post-separation violence
(Radford et al., 1999; Bancroft and Silverman, 2002). Hester
and Radfords 1996 study of post-separation contact highlighted
an alarming 50 out of 53 cases of continuing violence to the
women, with the continued possibility of further violence to
children remaining.
Bearing in mind the above research findings, this study sought
to explore, with a relatively small sample of participants, the impact
that living with domestic violence had on this group together
with their perceptions of their needs and their suggestions for
services.

Research Methods
Fieldwork for this research study took place between March and
May 2005 and data were gathered from 18 focus groups. Thirteen

Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

Child Abuse Review Vol. 16: 296310 (2007)

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Childrens Experiences of Domestic Violence

groups were conducted with a total of 37 service providers including

some unpaid volunteers. They included service managers, refuge
staff, social workers, public health nurses, teachers, community
development and other project workers, police and members of
local area networks dealing with domestic violence. Eleven
mothers participated in another focus group. Four further focus
groups were conducted with 22 children and young people, including some who were over 18. While all the groups produced
a wealth of data that was utilised in the production of the final
report, this paper will concentrate principally on the material
elicited from the children, young people and mothers.
The women and children were accessed with the help of refuge
staff in the area, and were both past and current clients of the service. Consents were obtained from the children and parents and
given, the very sensitive nature of the issues under discussion,
precautions were taken to ensure that the children did not feel uncomfortable or pressurised to disclose any personal information.
Focus groups were used with the children and young people on the
basis that they would offer safe peer environments, provide mutual
support and redress the power imbalance found between adult and
child that can exist in one-to-one interviews (Mauthener, 1997). The
use of focus groups may also encourage children who might otherwise be reticent to express their views when they hear others do
so (Hennessy and Heary, 2005), a point that we found to be useful
particularly where adolescent self-consciousness could stifle interaction. As an additional support, one or two members of staff
familiar to the children were present during each of the four focus
groups and available to the children afterwards. The children
were divided according to age (811 [N = 7], 1214 [N = 7],
1517 [N = 3] and 17+ [N = 5]) and methods were chosen to accommodate each group. For the sake of clarity, these groups will be
referred to as the young children, young teenagers, older teenagers
and young people, respectively. In order to make it easier for the
children to participate, icebreaking sessions were organised for
the two youngest groups the day before they took part in the
focus groups. Hill et al. (1996) have advised that the participation
of young children in focus groups can be facilitated by the use of
playful group activities, and to this end a number of different
strategies were employed. With the young childrens groups, a
series of vignettes were used to prompt discussion. In the young
teenagers group three fictitious letters sent to an agony aunt by
children living in situations of domestic violence were read out and
these were followed by questions. With the older teenagers and the
young people, open-ended questions were used.
The data gathered from all focus groups were transcribed into
word documents in its entirety and subsequently analysed using the
Nvivo qualitative data analysis software.
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

299

Focus groups
were used with
the children and
young people

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Buckley et al.

Research Findings

Events combined
with individual
characteristics to
produce different
impacts on children

One of the most significant trends demonstrated in the data was the
way that events combined with individual characteristics to produce
different impacts on children, even within the same family. It is
not claimed that the experiences detailed below were universal
to all the research participants, or are generalisable to the entire
population of children living with domestic violence. However,
each of them had considerable significance to the child or children
involved, and certain trends appeared during the analysis. The
findings are discussed here.
Anxiety, Fear and Dread

The childrens
sense of their own
safety and security
and the fear and
dread that it
instilled

As the literature has demonstrated, children dont have to necessarily witness violence in a directly observable fashion in
order to be aware that it is happening (Mullender et al., 2003;
Cunningham and Baker, 2004). Very few children, if any, will
escape the experience of living with domestic violence unaffected
and there is evidence to suggest that it affects childrens emotional
and mental health, their future relationships and sometimes their
physical safety. The focus group discussions bore out these assertions with some very vivid illustrations. One of the impacts was
on the childrens sense of their own safety and security and the fear
and dread that it instilled in them. Although the older groups considered that their awareness of problems at home had developed
in their early teens, it was clear from the contributions of the
younger children that they too were conscious of fights and frightening occasions where they worried about their own, their siblings
and their mothers safety as well as a general tension or uneasy
atmosphere at home. A young child told us how she coped:
I used to hide under my bed all week. I used to make a little place out of it
with all my teddies. He . . . always used to buy teddies for us . . . and I used to
store them under my bed and any time I felt sad or when they were screaming
and roaring down in the kitchen . . .

A young person recalled an incident involving her sister:

[O]ne time I came across my eight year old sister . . . going round the house
checking the gas hobs were off because she thought hed leave them on at night
to burn down the house . . . it turns out shed been doing that for about a month,
getting up in the middle of the night to check.

Not surprisingly, the children experienced considerable anxiety,

not only when violence was occurring, but when they perceived
certain triggers which signalled that it might be imminent. A young
woman described the constant apprehension as spinning the whole
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Childrens Experiences of Domestic Violence

301

time . . . when its not happening youre waiting for it again. An

older teenager compared his arrival home from school to walking
into a nuclear war and learned to anticipate trouble when his
parents went out drinking. Another young person experienced the
same sort of feelings of trepidation when her parents went drinking:
the fear would start then and it didnt end until we knew they were in
bed asleep. None of us slept at night when they went out . . . wed stay awake
and try and intervene most of the time.

One of the primary needs that emerged was for the children to
be able to feel safe. It is normally assumed that the police (known
in Ireland as An Garda Sochna) would have the authority and
the means to protect children from violence. However, we heard
several accounts of poor responses, including cursory visits where
nothing happened and no call-backs occurred. A young woman
gave a moving account of a traumatic experience where she had
run a mile and a half to the Gardas house in her bare feet, convinced that her father was going to kill her mother. The Garda
responded without any urgency and visited the house and told
her father to go back to bed. She felt that being from a small town,
the police were reluctant to deal with family issues. Another young
child described an occasion when her father had refused to open
the door to Garda and they had left, knowing that she and her
brother were inside in a volatile situation. Help lines had not proved
very useful to the participants and may not always be accessible.
As one young person told us:
I didnt dare pick up a phone in my house because even if he wasnt there,
chances was hed find out . . . youre frightened itll show up on a phone
bill or you might be charged or something . . . you were petrified . . . imagine
being in the middle of a Childline call and for your dad to walk in.

Loss of Confidence and Self-Esteem, Stigma and Secrecy

Research indicates that secretiveness about family problems is
particularly characteristic of school age children (Alexander et al.,
2005) and the focus group findings in this study showed this to be
a fairly universal trait among all age groups. Two young teenagers
described how they would conceal what was going on at home for
fear of being bullied and teased at school. Loss of self-confidence
and self-esteem was also described by the older teenagers and young
people, and an overwhelming feeling of being different, having
a neon sign that told everyone what as going on, sticking out like
a freak were some of the feelings expressed by the older teenage
group. Reluctance to trust, or fear of someone blabbing it out also
prevented some of the younger children from sharing their situation with friends. They shared a perception with the older ones that
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

It is normally
assumed that the
police . . . would
have the authority
and the means to
protect children

I didnt dare pick

up a phone in my
house because
even if he wasnt
there, chances
was hed find out

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Buckley et al.

telling peers about what was happening at home would leave them
open to being bullied, a point which will be developed later.
Relationships with Parents and Peers

Not uncommon for

children to feel very
torn and caught in
the middle

Emerged as an
area of contention
in this study

Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

The relationship between children who experience domestic violence and their parents can be very complicated; it may differ for
children in the same family, and can change over time depending
on the circumstances (Mullender et al., 2003). It was not uncommon for children to feel very torn and caught in the middle between
their parents. Sometimes they assumed responsibility for trying to
stop rows. One young child told us that she used to try and intervene between her parents, and one of the young people recalled how
a lot of his time was taken up mediating between his mother and
her boyfriend, in addition to trying to shelter his younger sister from
the impact of interpersonal violence.
It has been established in research (Levendosky et al., 2002) that
domestic violence may impact negatively on a womans ability
to develop authority and control over her children and difficulties
can either endure after separation from the violent family member,
or commence once the family has reached a safe situation. Although
the children and young people we spoke to did not refer to difficulties in their relationships with their mothers, the mothers themselves
revealed that their adolescent children had, in several cases demonstrated very challenging behaviour after the family had left the
violent environment; drinking, stealing, physical aggression against
their mothers and school refusal were amongst the examples given,
and in three instances, the police had to be called to the house to
deal with the childrens behaviour.
Not surprisingly, relationships between the children and their
fathers also appeared to be fraught at times. Previous research has
demonstrated how relationships between children and their abusive
fathers can be very convoluted, with children seeing their fathers
in both positive and negative terms (Peled, 2000). It emerged as an
area of contention in this study, with the mothers and the children
having divergent views in some cases. The mothers were, not surprisingly, very critical of their former partners and very negative
about whether and in what circumstances contact between them and
the children should occur. They cited experiences of very manipulative and abusive behaviour on the part of the childrens fathers,
where threats were relayed back to themselves via the children
and visits were upsetting for them. The children showed a degree
of ambivalence, however. Some enjoyed contact, others preferred
to opt out, and some continued to feel a sense of anxiety about their
fathers welfare. A young woman described how worried she had
been about her father when her family had left and had initially tried
to care for him,
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Childrens Experiences of Domestic Violence

303

[W]hen they split up, I kept going down to look after him because he
couldnt do his own washing and he couldnt pay his bills and he just didnt
know how to wash dishes or cook dinner. So I went down to see him . . . I got
caught in there and thinking hed changed . . . so I went down to live with
him and I kept thinking about what would happen if he went back to his old
ways and I got very badly stung. I havent seen him since.

There was strong support for the notion of choice as to whether and
in what circumstances they meet with their estranged fathers, with
resistance to enforced arrangements. Past experiences were seen as
key determinants, as one young teenager pointed out:
you kind of have to look at it as . . . how have they been treating you over
the years and how much have they affected you. And whether it would be good
for your self-esteem and if youre going to put up with someone thats made
you feel horrible and your mother feel horrible. So I dont think you should go
just because theyre your father.

The childrens relationships with classmates at school were also

affected. They spoke of how wary they had been about becoming
close to any of their peers in case their shameful home circumstances were revealed. They also feared rejection, and tended to
compound their own isolation by, for example, never inviting
people to their homes out of embarrassment in case of a potential
row or shouting, thus separating themselves from the birthday
party or sleepover circuit. The negative impact on their ability to
make and retain friendships applied to all age groups, not just older
teenagers and adolescents. Disruption of home circumstances
by moving to refuges and re-settling elsewhere also meant that
children were faced with the loss of their friends.

Relationships
with classmates
at school were
also affected

Educational Experiences
Research indicates that academic and social success at school has
a primary impact on childrens self-concept, with the school providing the opportunity for significant changes in the childs social
life (Gilligan, 1998). Their friends become more important as they
develop relationships with people outside their families (Daniel
et al., 1999). One of the older teenagers interviewed saw school as
his safe place and saw it as a haven away from home for six or
seven hours a day. However, for a number of the children involved
in this study, school was or had not been a positive, or successful
experience. As the literature review has shown, children witnessing domestic violence are nearly three times as likely to be involved
in physical aggression at school (Dauvergne and Johnson, 2001).
Fear of being bullied in school was an issue for the younger
children involved in this study who wanted to keep their home
situations a secret. Difficulty in concentration was a problem for
some, who were distracted by worry or lack of sleep. Sometimes,
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

Nearly three times

as likely to be
involved in physical
aggression at
school

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Buckley et al.

children found the strain of having to produce homework when

things were chaotic at home to be intolerable, leading to conflict
with teachers, which in turn acted as a disincentive for the children
to engage with school. Some also gave examples of getting a rough
time from teachers who couldnt or didnt want to understand or
intervene.
Not surprisingly, educational attainment was also affected. Apart
from increasing the likelihood of early school leaving, some of the
mothers cited examples of learning difficulties being experienced
by their children, their need for individual and special intervention.
They were also very critical of what they perceived as teachers
indifference to and lack of understanding of domestic violence and
its impact as well as their reluctance to provide support:
When I left my husband I rang the principal of both schools that my
children were at and I told him I was after leaving a violent relationship and
that things are going to be hairy . . . and one of the teachers said to me Well,
what do you want me to do about it?

Regret that
teachers had
not reached out
to her more

As already mentioned, the children feared that if information

about their private lives leaked out in schools, they might be subject to bullying, unfortunately this was something that many of them
had experienced. The mothers group also alluded to their children
being mortified if they spoke to teachers about them. Yet, one of
the young people who had since left school expressed her regret
that teachers had not reached out to her more:
Personally, that time for me was horrible and if somebody just said it to
me, Is there something you want to talk about? I probably would have told
everything. My god, somebody noticed . . .

What Children and Young People Want From Services

When asked about what services they felt would be helpful for
children experiencing domestic violence, the young people, i.e.
those over 17 years, focused strongly on school. Most considered
that the problems they themselves had experienced there, particularly the bullying, would not have occurred if teachers had been
more informed and understanding and open to talking to them about
their situations. The older teenage group (1417) supported the idea
of a programme of information on domestic violence, to inform
teaching staff and other pupils, and potentially to make extra
provision, for example, a place to do homework for children who
needed it, and to encourage them to achieve good results in order
to create an escape route. They also felt that if schools demonstrated an awareness of domestic violence as a problem, children
who were victims of it would not feel quite so isolated and different. While the younger children, (1114) agreed that it would be
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Childrens Experiences of Domestic Violence

beneficial for their teachers to know about their home situations,

they considered discretion and privacy to be very important; for this
reason they felt that attending the school counsellor might attract
curiosity and that any visible contact between their mothers and
schools was a potential source of embarrassment for them.
The need for a place to talk and let it out was identified by all
the childrens groups as a means of reassuring them that they were
not alone, not different from everyone. Most of them felt it would
have been hugely valuable if they had been able to share their feelings with someone, whether it was a teacher, a peer, or someone in
a formal helping/caring capacity. Some of the young persons group
favoured what they described as group therapy. However, it was
clear that not all children find it easy to reveal private events in their
lives. The literature review has identified blocking and embarrassment as features of adolescence (McGee, 2000; Mullender et al.,
2003; Cunningham and Baker, 2004) and this was particularly
evident in the younger teenage group. As one 14 year old pointed
out: people our age mightnt want to talk about it as much and as
another put it youd feel weird about talking to someone you hardly
know. It was considered that at least initially, any provision should
be on a one-to-one basis rather than in a group. Some felt that having
a mentor, possibly within their family, somebody you could look
up to might help and possibly be able to intervene with their parents.
The younger teenage group in particular felt that choice was important and suggested a centre where opportunities would exist for them
to talk about their problems but where other ordinary activities
would be available to them as well. Both the younger groups enjoyed
youth club type projects but felt that they were not appropriate venues
for talking about their situations at home, or their feelings.
When asked specifically what they would like for themselves in
a refuge setting, the children and young people recommended a mix
of activities so you wont notice whats going on and people to
talk to and know in the back of your mind they will always be there,
whenever you feel like talking. Some felt that it might have been
useful to have someone talk to both themselves and their mothers
together. Being taken seriously and listened to in a way that was
appropriate to their age was considered important by a member of
one of the younger groups who commented that adults often assume
that children are immature and not able to do anything.

305

Attending the
school counsellor
might attract
curiosity

The younger
teenage group in
particular felt that
choice was
important

Implications for Practice

The findings from this study confirmed that a specific service
for children was required at different levels, including direct
domestic violence related programmes as well as linkage with
existing community based agencies and organisations based on
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306

The crucial element

is co-ordination

Staff training and

skill development
in key sites are
essential

Focus on the three

dimensions of
a childs life
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

Buckley et al.

the childrens needs, their developmental stages and their own

perceptions of what would be helpful. The crucial element is
co-ordination which must be in place to ensure that children do not
slip through the net of fragmented services, and to effect as far as
possible a fit between the childrens different needs and the response
being offered. Ideally, it would co-ordinated by a dedicated agency
or team, based in either a refuge or a mainstream childrens service, who would take overall responsibility for its management and
ideally would deliver on three principal elements.
Firstly, on a macro level, a service should address the problem
highlighted in this study of invisibility of children and young people within and across the key sites they progress through. Their fears
and anxieties need to be addressed by the security of knowing that
key agencies, such as the police, schools, refuges, child welfare staff
including social workers and community based nurses as well as
community based projects, will recognise and respond to their need
for personal safety, and that of their family. As this and other
research has shown the identification process is complicated by
the veil of secrecy that surrounds violence in families. In line with
previous studies (Huth-Bocks et al., 2001; Alexander et al., 2005)
the data here indicate that children can experience feelings of
embarrassment and divided loyalties to parents, as well as fear of
repercussions such as bullying, making it unlikely that they will
disclose the violence to others. Furthermore, there are many reasons why professionals find it difficult to identify children who are
being exposed to domestic violence. Staff training and skill development in key sites are essential if the needs of these children and
young people are to be embraced in a meaningful way. As such,
responsibility for identification and recognition lies with the whole
community, both parochial and professional. This may be achieved
by co-ordinated community responses and inter-agency initiatives,
public education and awareness raising work, and joint working
initiatives between key professionals and agencies.
Secondly, on a micro level, evidence of the divergent and unique
needs of children must be ascertained. Individual assessments of
presenting children should be carried out by the co-ordinating service using an assessment tool suitable for children at different ages,
designed to incorporate the dynamics and complexities inherent in
domestic violence (see Cunningham and Baker, 2004). Assessment
of both risk and need should be located within the familial and
social context of the childs world. It must be holistic and childcentred, including information from the children themselves, supplemented with information from key people in their lives such
as teachers and parents. It must focus on the three dimensions of
a childs life, i.e. how well the childs developmental needs are
being met, how their parents capacity to meet them may need
to be assisted, and what resources in the extended families and
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Childrens Experiences of Domestic Violence

communities may be mobilised in order to provide support and

services.
Thirdly, intervention to address the children and young peoples
individual needs as well as adversities in the families lives needs
to be delivered in different forms to suit their individual needs
and preferences. Caregivers needs to be supported in order to support children, and parent-child work on relationship, attachment;
parenting; or behaviour management will be an important element
of therapeutic work. A useful example is offered by Humphreys
et al. (2006) who have developed an age appropriate activity based
work-book programme, containing child friendly exercises to be
used jointly with mothers and their children. The activities encourage mothers and children to spend time together, help children
open up about their feelings, improve mutual understanding and
communication and raise mothers confidence about parenting.
Post-separation contact between children and their fathers is another
area requiring intervention on two levels, firstly, to ensure that
children have more of a say in the nature and frequency of contact,
and secondly, to try and ensure a reasonable quality of contact
by providing programmes that help men to recognise the impact
on children of controlling and oppressive actions, and promote
healthier father-child relationships. Caring Dads which is being
piloted in Ontario, Canada provides a useful model (Scott and
Crooks, 2004; www.caringdadsprogram.com).
The research findings have demonstrated that services for
adolescents need to be attractive and user friendly. Group interventions can be useful for young people who feel comfortable sharing
their experiences openly (Gloditch and Allen, 1998), and for more
introverted teenagers, individual mentoring is likely to be more
acceptable. An Australian internet site called Bursting the Bubble
(www.burstingthebubble.com) is a good example of an anonymous
and very private means of providing information, reassurance,
safety strategies and a virtual supportive community to young people
who find the issue hard to discuss.

307

Post-separation
contact between
children and their
fathers is another
area

Conclusion
This paper has focused principally on one source of data collected
for this research, that which was gleaned from the children and
young people. While valuable data were also collected from the
participating service providers and mothers, the participation of the
children and very fresh memories of young people who had recently
experienced growing up in a violent environment, undoubtedly
contributed most significantly to shaping the final outcome. The
children and young peoples descriptions of the anxiety, fear and
dread they endured in their childhood and teenage years, their
Copyright 2007 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

Descriptions of
the anxiety, fear
and dread

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DOI: 10.1002/car

308

Lack of
professional
awareness in key
services such as
schools and police

Buckley et al.

experiences of being bullied at school, the burdens of responsibility

they carried in relation to their parents and their siblings and their
regrets about their lost childhoods and opportunities certainly belied
any notion that situations and incidents of violence go unnoticed,
or that mothers can protect their children from its impact.
One of the most striking aspects of the findings is the ordinariness of the childrens experiences, which on the surface disguises
their detrimental impact. For example, it is developmentally normal for young children to show distress when parents are arguing,
for teenagers to feel self-conscious about their families, to argue
with parents and to present challenging behaviour in school. What
is different here is that children who live with domestic violence
are likely to experience these maturational processes in an acute and
sometimes pathological manner. While some of the childrens reactions had already attracted professional attention and concern,
many of the others went unnoticed, probably because they were
mistaken for typical, exasperating, juvenile behaviours. Despite
what we now know about the impact of domestic violence on
children, lack of professional awareness in key services such as
schools and police, combined with the childrens wariness and
tendency to conceal what was happening at home continue to contribute to the invisibility of this group. Given current pressures
on mainstream child welfare services, it is unlikely that this situation will change unless a pro-active and co-ordinated approach is
developed and targeted at these children.
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