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Critical Things Mentally Strong
People Dont Do
Dr. Travis Bradberry
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Allen Lee
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Pete Cashmore
We all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It
Treasury Is Wrong About Our
Merger and Growth
Ian C. Read
Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to
know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You
can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with the
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.
Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free, so Ive analyzed
the data from the million-plus people TalentSmart has tested in order to identify
the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what you
dont do is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.
The beauty of EQ is that its a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort.
Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally
intelligent people. If youre up for it, start with these critical things that
emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these
behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isnt careful.
Theydontstayintheircomfortzone. Self-awareness is the foundation of
EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isnt comfortable. You cant increase your
EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you
should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look
at yourself, you arent going to like everything you see. Its more comfortable to
keep the blinders on, but they make certain that youll never have a high EQ.
Theydontgiveintofear. They say that bravery is being scared to death to do
something and doing it anyway. Many times, thats true, even when it comes to
your career. The fear doesnt have to come from something as extreme as rushing
into a burning building; it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb
to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, youve
already lost. Its not that emotionally intelligent people arent afraidthey simply
pick themselves up and fight on regardless of the fear.
Theydontstopbelievinginthemselves. Emotionally intelligent people
persevere. They dont give up in the face of failure, and they dont give up because
theyre tired or uncomfortable. Theyre focused on their goals, not on momentary
feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They dont take
failing to mean that theyre a failure. Likewise, they dont let the opinions of
others keep them from chasing their dreams. When someone says, Youll never
be able to do that, they regard it as one persons opinion, which is all it is.
Theydontbegforattention. People who are always begging for attention are
needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity.
Emotionally intelligent people couldnt care less about attention. They do what
they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is
stroking their ego.
Theydontactlikejerks. People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure.
They act like jerks because they dont have the emotional strength to be nice when
they dont feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their
relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the
kind of mood theyre in.
people understand that the happiness and success of others doesnt take away
from their own, so jealousy and envy arent an issue for them. They see success as
being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others successes.
Theydontliveinthepast.Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it
hard to believe youll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time,
failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that arent easy.
Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the
face of failure, and they cant do this if theyre living in the past. Anything worth
achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you cant allow failure to
stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that
is exactly what happensyour past becomes your present and prevents you from
moving forward.
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Having close access to ultra-successful people can yield some pretty incredible
information about who they really are, what makes them tick, and, most
importantly, what makes them so successful and productive.
"Wheneveryouseeasuccessfulperson,you
onlyseethepublicglories,nevertheprivate
sacrificestoreachthem."VaibhavShah
Kevin Kruse is one such person. He recently interviewed over 200 ultrasuccessful people, including 7billionaires, 13 Olympians, and a host of
accomplished entrepreneurs. One of his most revealing sources of information
came from their answers to a simple open-ended question:
Whatisyournumberonesecrettoproductivity?
In analyzing their responses, Kruse coded the answers to yield some fascinating
suggestions. What follows are some of my favorites from Kevins findings.
Theyfocusonminutes,nothours.Most people default to hour and halfhour blocks on their calendar; highly successful people know that there are 1,440
minutes in every day and that there is nothing more valuable than time. Money
can be lost and made again, but time spent can never be reclaimed. As legendary
Olympic gymnast Shannon Miller told Kevin, To this day, I keep a schedule that
is almost minutebyminute. You must master your minutes to master your life.
Theyfocusononlyonething.Ultra-productive people know what their
Most Important Task is and work on it for one to two hours each morning,
withoutinterruptions. What task will have the biggest impact on reaching your
goals? What accomplishment will get you promoted at work? Thats what you
should dedicate your mornings to every day.
Theydontusetodolists.Throw away your to-do list; instead schedule
everything on your calendar. It turns out that only 41% of items on to-do lists ever
get done. All those undone items lead to stress and insomnia because of the
Zeigarnik effect, which, in essence, means that uncompleted tasks will stay on
your mind until you finish them. Highly productive people put everything on their
calendar and then work and live by that calendar.
Theybeatprocrastinationwithtimetravel.Your future self cant be
trusted. Thats because we are timeinconsistent. We buy veggies today because
we think well eat healthy salads all week; then we throw out green rotting mush
in the future. Successful people figure out what they can do now to make certain
their future selves will do the right thing. Anticipate how you will self-sabotage in
the future, and come up with a solution today to defeat your future self.
Theymakeithomefordinner.Kevin first learned this one from Intels Andy
Grove, who said, There is always more to be done, more that should be done,
always more than can be done. Highly successful people know what they value in
life. Yes, work, but also what else they value. There is no right answer, but for
many, these other values include family time, exercise, and giving back. They
consciously allocate their 1,440 minutes a day to each area they value (i.e., they
put them on their calendar), and then they stick to that schedule.
you only have 1,440 minutes in a day. Dont give them away easily.
Theyfollowthe80/20rule.Known as the Pareto Principle, in most cases,
80% of results come from only 20% of activities. Ultra-productive people know
which activities drive the greatest results. Focus on those and ignore the rest.
Theydelegatealmosteverything.Ultra-productive people dont ask, How
can I do this task? Instead, they ask, How can this task get done? They take the
Iout of it as much as possible. Ultra-productive people dont have control issues,
and they are not micro-managers. In many cases, good enough is, well, good
enough.
Theytouchthingsonlyonce.How many times have you opened a piece of
regular maila bill perhapsand then put it down, only to deal with it again
later? How often do you read an e-mail and then close it and leave it in your inbox
to deal with later? Highly successful people try to touch it once. If it takes less
than five or ten minuteswhatever it isthey deal with it right then and there. It
reduces stress, since it wont be in the back of their minds, and it is more efficient,
since they wont have to re-read or re-evaluate the item again in the future.
Theypracticeaconsistentmorningroutine.Kevins single greatest
surprise while interviewing over 200 highly successful people was how many of
them wanted to share their morning ritual with him. While he heard about a wide
variety of habits, most nurtured their bodies in the morning with water, a healthy
breakfast, and light exercise, and they nurtured their minds with meditation or