Real World Advice

Real World Advice
Specifically for
Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
By Cliff Harwin,
A Growing and Thriving HSP
About the Author
liff is a husband, father, business owner, and highly

sensitive person. He resides in New Jersey with his
wife Linda, and has a daughter, Stephanie, and two
cats, Priscilla and Charlie.
An Introduction to The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing

CompanyInspiration and Information for Highly
Sensitive People

The purpose of this company is to provide thought-provoking,
inspirational, and insightful information about highly sensitive people (HSP)
from a personal perspective.

Im Cliff Harwin, and I started The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing
CompanyInspiration and Information for Highly Sensitive People

because I want to help other HSPs, gain a better understanding about themselves
and give them tools they need to live a wonderful life.

As a highly sensitive person myself, I understand how not knowing
youre a HSP can cause unnecessary pain and unhappiness. Once I learned
more about HSP, I was able to use my unique traits to succeed personally and
professionally. My goal is to educate others about this inherited characteristic
trait. If you have this trait or know someone who does, this book will give you a
deeper understanding of HSP and helpful insight from my personal experience.

The sooner you gain self-knowledge, the faster youll be able to take
the steps needed to live your best life. Youll no longer feel stuck or alone or
anxious. Instead, youll learn how to cope and use your best qualities to your
advantage, while making allowances for your HSP personality.

The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing CompanyInspiration
and Information for Highly Sensitive People evolved from my love of and
passion forpersonal growth information. The carefully selected information
that my company produces will encourage and motivate you to take action and
make the changes necessary to live the life of your dreams.
Real World Advice

Specifically for
Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
By Cliff Harwin,
A Growing and Thriving HSP
Copyright 2008 Cliff Harwin. All Rights Reserved.
Real World Advice
Specifically for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
by Cliff Harwin
Copyright 2008 Cliff Harwin.

All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in
any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without
the prior written permission of the publisher.
The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company

Inspiration & Information for Highly Sensitive People
Contact: cliff@thehighlysensitiveperson.com
Visit my blog, Highly Sensitive Thoughts www.HighlySensitiveThoughts.com
www.TheHighlySensitivePerson.com
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/hspcliff
Become a fan of The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Highly-Sensitive-Person-PublishingCompany/218089290709?ref=hl
The Legend of Acorn The Squirrel
ne morning while eating breakfast, I was thinking about the kind of company
image and logo that I wanted for my newly forming publishing company. I
wanted something light-hearted and meaningful for the kind of information
that it produces.
I couldnt come up with the right concept and then something miraculous happened!
Suddenly, a squirrel climbed onto the railing of my backyard deck and looked at
me through the window. He was holding an acorn and seemed like he was both
pondering (a highly sensitive person HSP characteristic) and enjoying his current
activity.

I thought to myself, This is it! Acorn the squirrel is the perfect symbol for my
company. I started to think about this concept a little deeper (a HSP characteristic)
and began to question my sanity about using a squirrel for my company image.

The deeper I thought about it, the more I was convinced that this was the
right decision. Why not? I thought.

Squirrels- like HSPs- are extremely well equipped to survive in the wild although
some of us dont think we can.

HSPs, like squirrels, may be solitary creatures that may have shy tendencies,
are conscientious, and avoid confrontation.

In that moment, clarity came to me and Acorn was brought to life.

Theres a lesson in this story. Your HSP power of observation and reflection
is a very important factor in solving a problem. Pay attention to everything around
you. Your answers may come from something you read, hear, or in some cases, may
be right in front of you.
Real World Advice Specifically for Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
ometimes life can be extremely difficult for us highly sensitive people. I would like
to give you some thoughts based on my over fifty years of experience to make your
journey easier. In no particular order, here is my gift to you.
Use what youve got. Your heightened perception of the world is a HSP
gift. You can bring an added sensitivity and unique perspective into anything
you undertake. We HSPs DO see things differently than others. This is a good
thing! we should never feel ashamed that we dont conform to the norm. Our
contribution to society is to look into situations differently and deeper. How else
can we and others improve?
Only trust people who are trustworthy. Ive been guilty of trusting
people before they have earned my trust. The natural instinct of idealistic HSPs
is to believe that all people are basically good. As warm and fuzzy as this feels, it
just isnt true. You have to question everyones motives. People put their own
interests first. This isnt necessarily a bad thing. Its human nature to be this way.
Its important to keep in mind that all people are not good for you. Keep your
distance from toxic people and dont let them manipulate you.
Speak up or be left behind. These wise words were uttered to me by my
You need friends, even though you may think you dont. Its too easy
See things for what they are, not the way you wish them to be.
mother when I was a child. I was very quiet and easy going. I didnt want to cause
problems and deal with conflict. People took unfair advantage of me. I let this
happen. I taught people how to treat me. I was a human doormat! It wasnt until
my early thirties when I grew up. I learned that if I spoke up for what I wanted and
when I was wronged, people would have a new respect for me. They would know
that I wasnt a pushover. Oh how I wish that I listened to my mother earlier in my
life.
for us HSPs to be involved in our own little world! we need a lot of alone time.
This is fine as long as it doesnt keep us away from socializing with others. Having
friends and socializing is an important factor in having a long and healthy life.
Seek out people who are nurturing and optimistic. These types of people will
provide emotional support, companionship and an outlet to share your thoughts.
People who associate with others on a regular basis are physically healthier.
We HSPs tend to see things from an emotional point of view. Its important to
understand that we cannot wish something the way we want it. For example, if a
Copyright 2008 Cliff Harwin, All Rights Reserved.

6

person is a certain way, we have to accept this. Its not realistic that this person is
going to change drastically to meet all of our needs. Make realistic choices based
on what IS rather than wHaT YOU wISH IT TO BE.
When you are angry, get to the root of the cause. Have you ever felt
angry or agitated and not understood why? Its very important that HSPs have a true
understanding of their feelings. Tap into your inherited trait by deep thinking
your way out of your anger. When you understand what is truly bothering you,
you can develop a strategy to cope with it. For example, you are taking your anger
out on a friend for no apparent reason. Earlier in the day you received a speeding
ticket. When you start thinking about the root cause of your anger, you realize that
your angst is coming from your speeding ticket, not your friend. You apologize to
your friend, pay the fine, and forgive yourself for making a mistake. Your anger
will mysteriously disappear!
Dont try to figure people out. I have a terrible habit of believing that
people will act and feel the way I do. My high sensitivity causes me to be affected
by what others say and do. for example, when I change to another lane on the
highway, Ill make a signal and a person will actually speed up so I cant make the
change. This annoys me! It also bothers me when people say hurtful things to
one another. The anecdote for these situations is acceptance. acceptance of the
fact that people will do what they want to do, whether we like it or not. why waste
energy being aggravated by another persons actions?
The universe has its own jerk police. You dont have to retaliate against
The government will not help you. I live in New Jersey, probably the
someone who has wronged you. You can forgive them in your own heart and mind.
Youll be at peace. The beauty of this way of thinking is that you will get revenge
without actually taking revenge. How great is that? Im not saying that revenge is
good, but you can have the satisfaction that the universe evens the score. what
goes around really does come around!
most corrupt and worst run state in the nation. Im not depending on my state
or the federal government to help me in any way. Im depending on my ability
to be self sufficient in all aspects of my life. This is especially comforting to me
as a highly sensitive person. we need to feel that we have some control of our
lives. Im not anti-government. Im just saying that our government isnt working
as efficiently as it should. Im not trying to be pessimistic, but I dont see our
government changing for the better in our lifetime. It will continue to be wasteful
and inefficient. Plan your life accordingly.
7
The legal system will not help you. Avoid the legal system whenever you
Having a pet will increase your happiness and longevity. We HSPs
can. Settle a conflict on your own if humanly possible. Being involved with the
legal system is too much for a highly sensitive persons nervous system to bear.
It will push all your negative emotional buttons. You will see a system that has
agreements that cant be enforced because of the many loopholes. If youre
unfortunate enough to go to court, you might see judges that are afraid to make a
judgment. They might perpetuate your case by saying you should just come to an
agreement with the other party. Youll say to yourselfIf I couldve done this, I
wouldnt have gone to court! Im not against the legal profession. Im not saying
that you shouldnt have legal agreements. You should. A legal agreement will spell
out what each party is obligated to do. Just dont count on the legal system to
enforce the agreement. Its extremely important that you have a legal agreement
with an honorable person. Screen the people you associate with wisely.
benefit greatly from them. Experts say that having a pet reduces stress levels and
strengthens our immune systems against colds, flu, infections, and major diseases.
They are also superb companions.
Seeing things differently than others is a good thing. Id always

had different ideas about doing things, and as a result felt out of place in most
work and personal situations. I couldnt understand why I was like this until I
came to understand my highly sensitive nature. We HSPs are deep thinkers and we
sometimes see more into situations than others. I choose to think of going against
conventional thought as strength rather than a weakness. Utilize this characteristic
and dont be concerned what others think.
Dont ever graduate. Continue to be a perpetual student. Lifelong learning
Have an open mind to new things. Keep an open mind to new concepts
will help you find out about yourself. The sooner you gain self-knowledge, the
faster youll be able to take the steps needed to have your best life. Youll be able
to thrive by utilizing your best qualities and making allowances for your highly
sensi-tive personality. Learning will also expand your interests and possibilities.
and ideas. Clear your mind and dont make preconceived judgments. Never close
your mind to new information. You never know where your next breakthrough
discovery or thought will come from. Dont take on more information that you
can possibly handle. This will cause vacillation and cause you to waver from one
thing to another.

8
Focus and concentrate on what you are doing. I know that this can be a
major challenge for HSPs. Its too easy for us to be distracted because of the many
things that go on in our heads. Focus and concentration are key factors in your
growth and development. When you concentrate on what you are doing, you get
more meaning from your actions, and, of course, more accomplishment. You
dont have to forget your other objectives or other important things that must
be done, but its vital to concentrate at your current task at hand and put aside
distractions. Dont waste time. Consider the most important things you need to
do. These are high priorities. Rid yourself of those things that seem to take up a
lot of time and get you nowhere.
Follow through on what you do. This is a major challenge for me. I love
Get help when you need it. There are times in your life when you need to
the beginning of starting something new, whether it be starting a new project or

reading a book. However, I have a string of unfinished projects and many partly
read books. Can you relate to this? If so, take a project or book from start to finish
before starting something new. Perhaps youve taken something as far as you want
to go without completing it. Thats fine. Move on to something new. Isnt it better
to have a few great projects and a few completely read books?
enlist the help of others. It could be for health issues, personal problems, business
situations, etc. Never be afraid to ask for help. Its not a sign of weakness. There
is not a shortage of resources that you can utilize. Its our inability to seek these
resources that is the problem.
Step out into the cow pasture of life. Dont be afraid to make a decision,
good or bad. Life is a series of making decisions. Not making a decision is a
decision. Gather information, make a decision, and go with it. Make adjustments
as needed. rememberas you step into the cow pasture of life, youre bound to
step into something sooner or later. Sure youll get your feet dirty, but youll be
closer to your objective.
Set boundaries in your life. This is extremely important for HSPs. We need
to not go against our physical and emotional capabilities. we also need to establish
personal boundaries when others try to take advantage of our kindly nature. In
doing so, we will be more personally effective and have the ability to help more
truly deserving people.

9
Dont withdraw from life. Withdrawing into a make believe world of ones
own making can represent a means of escaping cold reality. This is called daydreaming. Used occasionally, it is a harmless measure and can provide a helpful
release from stress. Carried to excess, it may cause us HSPs to be unusually shy and
reclusive. Catch yourself when you feel this way and snap out of it. Get out into the
world, pursue your interests, take a class, or seek out people with whom you have
things in common with. Get professional help if this seems too overwhelming for
you.
Let your thoughts work for you. Your thought patterns determine your
destiny in life. Your mind, body, and actions cannot be separated. Deep thinking
and feeling HSPs need to be conscious of the kind of thoughts that they are
experiencing. Are they working for you? If not, awareness is the key. Get into the
habit of having more constructive thoughts and your life will change accordingly.
Go on a bad news fast. If you feel that world and national events are
Dont be overly sensitive. Its impossible to be around people and not
making you abnormally depressed, go on a communications sabbatical. Turn off

the television, radio, internet, and read the comics only in the newspaper. You
cant cut yourself off from the rest of the world, but a little break will make a big
difference in your mindset.
sometimes be offended. Human nature is too faulty to expect perfection in human
relationships. Take these so called slights and move on. Be aware of a person
who is mean spirited. By this, I mean a person who intentionally tries to offend
you. These are the kind of people to keep your distance from.
Dont let fear get to you. Until you get the grip of fear loosened from your
mind, your brain is not efficient, you cant think straight, and you cant imagine
your possibilities constructively. fear is our greatest enemy. fear can make us HSPs
live in perpetual torture if we allow it. The best way to deal with fear is to face it.
when you take something that makes you fearful head on, you become less fearful
of this particular situation. another strategy is to be aware of things or people that
cause your fear. familiarity breeds confidence and assurance and youll be able to
deal with fear more effectively.
Become self-employed. We HSPs need to have freedom and independence.

we function best when we can work at our own pace and be in an environment
of our choosing. Ive been self-employed for twenty eight years. I knew that I

10

couldnt work for anyone. For me, the easiest path was to start my own business.
Conventional wisdom will tell you to work for someone else. In todays world,
there is no such thing as job security. why not start your own business? Sure there
are problems that go along with it. But in the long run, if youre in the right
business that suits your needs, youll be happier and more financially secure.
Use your likability factor. People like us HSPs. were very likable people!
Dont be afraid to fail. We all fail. Life is made up of failures. Successful people
we are genetically programmed that way. We arent annoying, we dont purposely

hurt others, we go out of our way to help others, were easy to get along with, and
we have an unusual amount of common sense. Use these qualities in your personal
and professional life. One of the most important life success factors is whether
people like us or not. When you have this gift, people will cooperate and help
you more. warNING: Only use your likability factor with the right people! The
wrong people will try to manipulate you and take advantage of your kindly nature.
are those that know how to make the best of them and learn from their mistakes.
Youll learn more from your failures than your successes. Isnt it comforting to
know that life is a series of adjustments and you can right your wrongs? When you
make a mistake and correct it, youre closer to your objective.
Choose your life, dont let it choose you. Its too easy to let circum-
Slow and easy is the only way to go. When you decide what you want, you
stances dictate your life. Do you have the kind of life that you have chosen? Or has
your life evolved from circumstances that you drifted into? Are you happy? If not,
why not? Use you HSP deep thinking capabilities and take the time to think about
what you truly want. Youll be able to formulate a written plan and take steps that
will get you closer to your ideal life.
might feel overwhelmed by the steps you need to take. You might want to change
your career, move to a different state, lose weight, etc. When I decided to write a
book, the process seemed unattainable for me. I had self-doubt about whether I
could make the time to write and cope with the many details of producing a book
of value. Im proud to say that I accomplished my unattainable goal. I did so by
taking slow, manageable steps over a course of many years. When you have a burning desire to do something, you too will create miracles in your life!

11
Do your best in everything you do. Conscientiousness and perfectionism
Dont show your sensitiveness. This does not mean that you should not be
Pick your battles carefully. Fight for your rights when it is truly important
are some HSP traits. Use them to your advantage. You will never go wrong in
giving your best effort in everything you undertake. A problem arises when you
try to be too conscientious or too perfect. This will hinder your progress. You
will not finish anything! Catch yourself when this happens to you. Remember that
sometimes good enough is really good enough!
sensitive, and that you harden yourself until you are so thick-skinned that no one
can hurt you. But my point is, dont show irritation. No matter what anyone may
do or say, dont let them see that they have hurt you. Insensitive people will prey
on a perceived weakness. Conceal your hurt as a defense mechanism. Dont allow
yourself to show anger, hurt, or humiliation. Smile or make a joke if you can.
Change the subject. Dodge the issue. If none of this works, leave the situation as
gracefully as you can. If you feel the need to retaliate, do so in a calm, cool, and
collected manner.
to you. Dont waste valuable time and energy on meaningless conflicts.
Keep up a good appearance. Its important to pay attention to your personal
Seek out and develop your interests and talents. Your happiness will
appearance. Good hygiene and wearing clothes that enhance your appearance will
definitely have a positive impact. Youll feel better about yourself and other people
will have a more favorable impression of you. This is critical for your self-esteem.
depend on your ability to coordinate your interests and talents into your life as
much as possible. What are your natural inclinations? Natural inclinations are
the best evidence of natural aptitude. When you utilize your natural aptitudes,
whether its for a career or pastime, it will give your life much joy and meaning.
Your existence will be more productive because youll give the best of what you
have to offer.
Listen to your inner voice. If your HSP intuition is telling you that a situation
Dont misjudge the importance of what you know. It is part of human
or person isnt right for you, its probably true. Have the courage to trust it. My
biggest mistakes in life have come when I went against what I instinctively knew
was right or wrong for me.
nature to take our talents for granted. We feel that if something comes naturally or
12

easily for us, it is not valuable to others. This is just not true. Its your obligation
to society to impart your wisdom and greatness to others. An important part of
education is to learn from the experience of others.
Properly use your need for solitude. Our HSP need for solitude can serve
us well if we use it properly. Take a time out when your body tells you so. Being
alone and silent will bring forth your deepest and most profound thoughts. You
will clarify your mind and recharge your body. This feeling of tranquility will
jump start your subconscious mind. When you properly utilize and trust your
subconscious mind, youll be amazed how your life answers will automatically
come to you.
Use your discontent to your advantage. When you arent happy with
Dont forget the little things that make a big life. A happy
The best time of your life is in the present. You cant do anything about
something in your life, its a signal to make a change. Discontent is the catalyst to
move forward with your life. The worse you feel, the more motivated youll be to
make changes. Have you ever been motivated to change something when you were
con-tent? You have the choice to be depressed or be motivated to better your life.
Ultimatelythe choice is yours.
life is getting enjoyment from the seemingly smallest aspects of life. an act of
kindness, a family gathering, enjoying nature, listening to music, having hobbies,
the companionship of your pets, add a special dimension to your life. Dont take
them for granted. Take the time to fully experience and reap the rewards of these
special times. After all, success in life is made up of the little things.
the past. You can only learn from it. Be grateful that youre still in the present!
The future is promised to no one. Make the most of the time you have.

13
Self-Appreciation
wrote the following poem while stranded on a seven-hour train ride from
New York to New Jersey. It was a hot summer night. The train had been
delayed because of a damaged power line. I was exhausted and upset. This
was a situation that I couldnt control. This poem symbolizes my way, as a highly
sensitive person, to best cope with this situation.
Who are you?

Where do you fit in this world?
We come in different colors, shapes, sizes, abilities, and aptitudes.
Some of us are able bodied and some of us are not.
Some of us have physical handicaps and some of us are handicapped by our thinking.
Some of us have attitudes that will make us soar, whoever we are.
We all have choices. We can choose to make our situations better or worse.
We are all dealt circumstances that we can and cannot control.
Dont we owe it to ourselves, our loved ones, and our world to make the best out of what
weve got?
Why not make the best out of your lot?
For better or worse, youre all youve got.

I hope that you found the material in this book to be helpful. Please feel
free to share your feedback and experiences and offer suggestions. It will be
deeply appreciated if you tell others about this book!

You can contact me at cliff@TheHighlySensitivePerson.com
Please check my website for my updated resource list.


14
The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company

Inspiration & Information for Highly Sensitive People
Contact: cliff@thehighlysensitiveperson.com
Visit my blog, Highly Sensitive Thoughts www.HighlySensitiveThoughts.com
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/hspcliff
Become a fan of The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing Company on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Highly-Sensitive-Person-PublishingCompany/218089290709?ref=hl
Copyright 2008 Cliff Harwin,

all rights reserved.

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Real World Advice

Highly Sensitive People (HSP)

A Growing and Thriving HSP

About the Author

liff is a husband, father, business owner, and highly

An Introduction to The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing

Im Cliff Harwin, and I started The Highly Sensitive Person Publishing

CompanyInspiration and Information for Highly Sensitive People