Parent Education

Parenting Principles

2
Parenting Principles

Happiness begins in the home, and when there are problems at home they always seems
to find us even when were not there. I will be discussing principle I feel that will create a happy
place for your home where children feel secure and loved, and where the parent-child
relationship can be strengthened.
Dont be a Drill Sargent Parent. In the Love and Logic program we studied in class we
learned about this form of parenting and it is exactly what it sounds like. In an article from the
Stanford education website it states regarding Drill Sargent parenting, Sends the message, I am
more powerful than you. You arent capable of thinking for yourself so I need to tell you how to
think and what to do (Better parenting). No one would like to be told what to do constantly or
told what they are doing wrong just as often and children are not exempt. In Proverbs 15:1-2 it
reads, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger(KJV ). When we
approach children in an attitude of understanding they can feel that and know of the love we
have for them. In a talk given by Sister Holland she mentions of a time she had to ask
forgiveness from her child, Because it was just three days before Christmas, I gave to Mary as a
personal gift an apron from which I had conspicuously cut the apron strings. There was a tiny
pocket on the apron in which I tucked a note. It read: Dear Mary, Im sorry for the conflict I
have caused by acting like a federal marshall at the piano. I must have looked foolish therejust
you and me and my six-shooters. Forgive me. You are becoming a young woman in your own
right. I have only worried that you would not feel as fully confident and fulfilled as a woman if
you left your talent unfinished. I love you. Mom (Holland, Patricia T.)
Share the control and decision-making I feel is a very important principle of parenting because it
shows that you trust your child enough to let them make decisions. In an article titled Effects of
the Becoming A Love and Logic Parent Training Program on Parents Perceptions of their Childrens
Behavior and their own Parental Competence: A Preliminary Investigation, it states, The Love and

Logic program emphasizes healthy control as a basic human emotional need, and it provides
specific parent and educator strategies for enhancing childrens perceptions of control.
Supporting this approach is research showing that shared control enhances general levels of
cooperation (Faye, Charles). In 2 Ne. 2:26 it reads: And the Messiah cometh in the fullness of
time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed
from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and
not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the law at the great and last day, according
to the commandments which God hath given. Children were given agency in their first estate,
and they should be able to act for themselves and not be acted upon. In a talk given my President
James E. Faust he stated, Children need to learn responsibility and independence. Are the
parents personally taking the time to show and demonstrate and explain so that children can, as
Lehi taught, act for themselves and not be acted upon (Faust,James E.).

3
Parenting Principles

Another principle I feel that is important for parents is not to Overindulge. Overindulge
means exactly what is sounds like, children cannot be given everything and acquire character of
hard work. In an article it states, Overindulgent parents often view themselves as loving their
children unconditionally by permitting all requests and offering their youngsters free reign
without restrictions. They also believe that being good parents entails supplying children with all
of their wishes. These permissive parents give their children too much freedom too early and
trust that they will handle it well. These adults often fail to distinguish between their childrens
needs such as love, attention, guidance and their wants such as luxury, ease and non-exertion
(http://www.relationshipmatters.com/overindulgent-parents-harm-their-children/). In Matthew
6:19 it reads, Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt,
and where thieves break through and steal (KJV ). Also in a talk given Brother Christenson he
states, There is often a special challenge for those parents who are affluent or overly indulgent.
In a sense, some children in those circumstances hold their parents hostage by withholding their
support of parental rules unless the parents acquiesce to the childrens demands. Elder Neal A.
Maxwell has said, Those who do too much for their children will soon find they can do nothing
with their children. So many children have been so much done for they are almost done in.
(Ensign, May 1975, p. 101.) It seems to be human nature that we do not fully appreciate material
things we have not ourselves earned (Christensen, Joe J.)
Being kind and firm I feel is another principle that parents could consider, for it is a balance and
when you have one without the other than thats when disgruntled parents and children are
found. From a Positive Discipline website it states, Have faith in your children that they can
learn and grow from sufferingespecially in a supportive environment. Understand that kind is
not always nice, short term. True kindness and firmness together provide an environment where
children can develop the wings they need to soar through life (positive discipline) Also in 1
Timothy 5:4 it reads, But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew
piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God (KJV).
Kindness without firmness is a disservice to your child, and Firmness without kindness can only
put a strain on your relationship. In President Faust talk he states, Among the other values
children should be taught are respect for others, beginning with the childs own parents and
family; respect for the symbols of faith and patriotic beliefs of others; respect for law and order;
respect for the property of others; respect for authority. Paul reminds us that children should
learn first to shew piety at home. The Greatest Challenge in the World (Faust James E,).
Having a Fixed vs. growth mindset can really make all the difference in your home. A
fixed mindset can restrict success by not believing in oneself, whether youre the parent or the
child but growth shows tenacity and the ability to overcome. According to Mindset.org it reads,
Children with a growth mindset believe that intelligence can be developed. These students see
school as a place to develop their abilities and think of challenges as opportunities to grow.
Children with a fixed mindset believe that intelligence is fixed at birth and doesnt change or
changes very little with practice. These students see school as a place where their abilities are

4
Parenting Principles

evaluated, they focus on looking smart over learning, and they interpret mistakes are a sign that
they lack talent(Mindset ) And in Alma 12:14 it reads: For our words will condemn us, yea, all
our works will condemn us; we shall not be found spotless; and our thoughts will also condemn
us. The words we say to ourselves can really affect how we perceive the world around us and
how we interact with others. In a BYU address Richard R. Sudweeks states, This relationship is
taught in Proverbs 23:7. We typically replace the pronoun in this passage and paraphrase the
verse to read As [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he. This scripture teaches that we become
what we think. In the words of James Allen, A man is literally what he thinks, his character
being the complete sum of all his thoughts (Sudweeks, Richard R.) When we look at our childs
potential and not their failures they will begin to do the same.
Soft structure is an example of kindness and the loss of firmness. When parents use soft
structure they are limiting their child from opportunities that will help them grow as individuals
and as good citizens. According to the University of Minnesotas website it states, Overnurturing and soft structure in particular can lead to children becoming helpless and ill-prepared
later in life. Children whove been raised in a soft structure, for example, struggle with real
world, adult jobs because many have never participated in household tasks, which often teach
how to do a job and do it well(Overindulgence). Also in Proverbs 22:6 it reads, Train up a
child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (KJV). Children
need direction and they cannot learn if everything is done for them and that robs them from
pivotal experiences. In an article from the Ensign given by Layne E. and Jana Squires Flake it
reads, Discipline is not simply a means of maintaining control until children mature into
responsible adults. Rather, it should be a means by which we teach and instill that responsibility.
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught the early Saints correct principles so that they might learn to
govern themselves. As parents, we ought to do the same for our children. Discipline is an
excellent means of teaching self-control and responsible behavior (Layne).
The next principle I wish to mention is the Test of 4 which is a part of the overindulgent
principle. So what is the test of four? The Test of Four tool helps parents and children learn
about what is enough. It guides adults and children towards personal responsibility, and selfcontrol; it encourages clear thinking and good decision making (Overindulgence). The four
things that a parent must consider are: Developmental tasks?, Family resources, Whose needs
and Possible harm. In the thirteenth article of faith it reads, . If there is anything virtuous,
lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things( AOF ) We should teach our
children to seek after the good things in life when making their own decisions. In a talk given by
Elder Perry he states, You are free to exchange your allotment of time for thrills. You may trade
it for base desires. You may invest it in greed. You may purchase with it vanity; you may spend
your time in pursuit of material things. Yours is the freedom to choose. But these are not
bargains, for in them you find no lasting satisfaction (Perry, L. Tom).

5
Parenting Principles

The next principle I feel is important for parents is when your child comes to you with a
problem ask questions. From the Positive Discipline website it states, Too many parents tell
their children what happened, what caused it to happen, how they should feel about it, and what
they should do about it. Lecture, lecture, lecture. And what do children do? Stop listening, stop
listening, stop listening. How do lectures make them feel? Inadequatewhich is often covered
up by rebelliousness (Positive Discipline). In Doctrine and Covenants Section 100, verse 2 it
reads, Therefore, follow me, and listen to the counsel which I shall give unto you ( D&C ).
What I feel is important from that scripture is the need to listen is required to follow our Savior.
In a talk given by Elder Ballard he states, Ask the right kind of questions, and listen to what
your sons have to say each time you have a few minutes together. You need to knownot to
guess but to knowwhat is going on in your sons life. Your sons live in a very different world
from the one in which you grew up. As they share with you whats going on, you will have to
listen very carefully and without being judgmental in order to understand what they are thinking
and experiencing. (Ballard, M. Russell)
And lastly and my personal favorite Emotional Coaching; Emotional Coaching helps
parents to understand their childs emotions and helping them recognize how and what they feel.
In a book titled: Meta-emotion: How Families Communicate Emotionally it reads, Ginnot said
that when a child is in the midst of strong emotion he or she cannot listen to anyone, and he or
she certainly cannot process good advice. The child wants us to understand, to understand the
feelings and thoughts going on inside at this very moment (Gottmon) Also in Proverbs chapter 2
verse 2, it reads, So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to
understanding; ( KJV ). As parents we have to listen to help our children and we have to use
empathy to relate to them and help them through their emotions and not restrict them. In a talk
given by President Kimball it reads, Parents should therefore not leave the training of children
to school teachers or to the Primary or the Relief Society or the Sunday School or Mutual. The
father and the mother must undertake this great responsibility, using the Church programs to
assist them. Herein is the success the Lord wants to be achieved in the family home evening
which He has established (Kimball, Spencer W.).

6
Parenting Principles
References

(n.d.). Retrieved December 14, 2015, from

http://www.positivediscipline.com/files/CD2 Activity and

Resource Book.pdf

5 Parenting Tips to Avoid Overindulgence - UMN CEHD. (2013, December 6).

Retrieved December 14, 2015, from http://cehdvision2020.umn.edu/cehdblog/overindulgence-and-parenting/
Better parenting. (n.d.). Retrieved December 14, 2015, from
https://bewell.stanford.edu/better-parent
Christensen, J. (1999, April 1). Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence. Retrieved
December 14, 2015,
from https://www.lds.org/generalconference/1999/04/greed-selfishness-and- overindulgence?lang=eng
Faust, J. (1990, October 1). The Greatest Challenge in the World-Good Parenting James E. Faust.
Retrieved December 14, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/generalconference/1990/10/the- greatest-challenge-in-the-world-good-parenting?lang=eng
Gottman, J., & Katz, L. (1997). Meta-emotion: How families communicate
emotionally. Mahwah, N.J.:
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.
Kimball, S. (1978, August 1). Train Up a Child - Liahona Aug. 1978 - liahona.
Retrieved December 14, 2015, from https://www.lds.org/liahona/1978/08/train-upa-child?lang=eng
Mindset Kit What is a growth mindset?, Growth Mindset for Parents. (n.d.).
Retrieved December 14, 2015, from https://www.mindsetkit.org/growth-mindsetparents/learn-about-growthmindset/what-is-growth-mindset-parents
Mothers and Daughters - M. Russell Ballard. (n.d.). Retrieved December 14, 2015,
from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/mothers-and-daughters?
lang=eng
Overindulgence: The Test of Four. (n.d.). Retrieved December 14, 2015, from
http://www.extension.umn.edu/family/live-healthy-live-well/healthychildren/overindulgence/test-of-four/
Overindulgent parents harm their children - Dr. Offra Gerstein - Personal and
Relationship Issues. (2010,
July 11). Retrieved December 14, 2015, from
http://www.relationshipmatters.com/overindulgent-parents-harm-theirchildren/

7
Parenting Principles
Perry, L. (n.d.). Making the Right Decisions - L. Tom Perry. Retrieved December 14,
2015, from https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1979/10/making-the-rightdecisions?lang=eng
Positive Discipline: Kind and Firm Parenting. (n.d.). Retrieved December 14, 2015,
from http://blog.positivediscipline.com/2012/08/kind-and-firm-parenting.html
Smith, J. (1981). The Book of Mormon: An account written by the hand of Mormon
upon plates taken from the plates of Nephi. Salt Lake City, Utah: Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Sudweeks, R. (2003, July 1). Thinking Habits and Dispositions - BYU Speeches.
Retrieved December 14, 2015, from https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/richard-rsudweeks_thinking-habits-dispositions/