Q:

A:
Be
Q:
A:
O,
To
To

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick.
different: conform.
What's a light-year?
One-third less calories than a regular year.
it is excellent
have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
use it like a giant.
-- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
You have no real enemies.
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "Kind John"
The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with
commoner things. It is chief of the world's luxuries, king by the grace of God
over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the
angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because
she repented.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"You could use something called sentences in your message - it's so "compact" th
at it is hard to read and understand."
Husse Jul 7 2007
Q:
How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?
A:
Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
speech, but under the United States constitution they are
guaranteed freedom after speech.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
"I answered this yesterday ?! But it's gone....
Oh well perhaps I never pushed the submit button or answered in the wrong thread
"
Husse Sept 5 2007
"It is complicated - believe me"
Husse Jul 24 2007
English literature's performing flea.
-- Sean O'Casey on P. G. Wodehouse
"Or you could do like me - throw yourself right into the Linux nest and read aft
erwards"
Husse Jun 8 2007
You will not be elected to public office this year.
What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?
-- Nero Wolfe, "The League of Frightened Men"
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a
rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2,
to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the
manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2
admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Don't add a new topic to the end of an old one - there's a great risk you'd go
unnoticed....."
Husse Sept 9 2007

"Please don't crosspost and don't post in a subforum that's completely irrelevan
t to your question"
Husse Jul 27 2007
A man was reading
wife asked "What have you
Q:
What is green and
A:
Moby Pickle.
"The links are dead - and

The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his

got there?" Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
lives in the ocean?
Firefox don't like them"

Husse Jul 7 2007

Q:
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. We'll fix it in software.
Q:
A:

How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The application can work around it.

Q:
A:

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We'll document it in the manual.

Q:
How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. The user can figure it out.
"I almost never get problems with my systems, and when I do they are really seri
ous"
Husse Nov 28 2007
Q:
What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
A:
The impossible dream.
"PS Like me you seem not to be a native english speaker...
you write not wright"
Husse Apr 9 2007
"But your problem with the monitor is I believe a mixture of an unhappy heritage
from Ubuntu (one of its weaknesses) and unsuitable hardware. But good luck in M
epis! If it works for you that's good."
Husse Jul 30 2007
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
"This is sad - the old DOS days is not what we want it to be like.
However some hardware does not want to cooperate...."
Husse Jul 29 2007
I do desire we may be better strangers.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
You will never know hunger.
You are going to have a new love affair.
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
Q:
What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A:
Zorn's Lemon.
"Easy to forget the beginning of a thread"
Husse May 20 2007
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"I'm trying to understand the mysteries of wireless myself at the moment."
Husse Apr 7 2007
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
to do.

Fine day for friends.

So-so day for you.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
A Tale of Two Cities LITE(tm)
-- by Charles Dickens
A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.
The Metamorphosis LITE(tm)
-- by Franz Kafka
A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.
Lord of the Rings LITE(tm)
-- by J. R. R. Tolkien
Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.
Hamlet LITE(tm)
-- by Wm. Shakespeare
A college student on vacation with family problems, a screwy
girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.
"Clueless
I'll have to read this again"
Husse Oct 22 2007
"Sadly wifi is a bit of a problem.."
Husse Jul 25 2007
"it takes time to find a solution and if you find that another application does
the job you've solved the problem with less effort"
Husse Nov 23 2007
Q:
How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One.
Your business will assume vast proportions.
"I'm sorry but I simply don't understand what you mean"
Husse Apr 4 2007
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
Buy the negatives at any price.
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
You will forget that you ever knew me.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
"I don't think you have to go through the process of reconfiguring X as I did that was partly because the frustration made me brain dead."
Husse Apr 5 2007
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
There was a phone call for you.

Q:
A:

Where's the Lone Ranger take his garbage?

To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!

Q:
What's the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant hill?
A:
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...
He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
Day of inquiry. You will be subpoenaed.
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
-- Dylan Thomas
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
Q:
Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation
function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?
A:
That's the Law of Spline Demand.
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
Cold hands, no gloves.
Keep it short for pithy sake.
You're at the end of the road again.
"I'm not at all sure this helps you, but as you say there is nothing to be found
about the problem except in czech and my attempt att "babelfishing" failed mise
rably"
Husse Jul 30 2007
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
"Don't add a new topic to the end of an old one - there's a great risk you'd go
unnoticed....."
Husse Sept 9 2007
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
"The problem is to find it - for once I was completely lost in all sorts of answ
ers in Google but not the right one."
Husse Jul 25 2007
Q:
How many IBM 370's does it take to execute a job?
A:
Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #5
A:
The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
Q:
Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
Q:
What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota?
A:
Open other end.
You need more time; and you probably always will.
Q:
What do you call a WASP who doesn't work for his father, isn't a
lawyer, and believes in social causes?
A:
A failure.
He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-- Mark Twain
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"

You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet,
Are of imagination all compact...
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A
most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
give a public reading of his latest poem.
Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord
Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable
and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece. "Be so good as to mark
the place and consider at your leisure. I'm sure you can give it a better
turn."
After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side. "There is no need to touch the
lines," he said. "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation
on those passages, and then read them to him as altered. I have known him
much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem
exactly as it was before. His unique critical faculties had lost none of
their edge. "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right. Nothing can
be better."
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Knucklehead:
"Knock, knock"
Pee Wee:
"Who's there?"
Knucklehead:
"Little ol' lady."
Pee Wee:
"Liddle ol' lady who?"
Knucklehead:
"I didn't know you could yodel"
Q:
What do you call a blind pre-historic animal?
A:
Diyathinkhesaurus.
Q:
What do you call a blind pre-historic animal with a dog?
A:
Diyathinkhesaurus Rex.
You will have a long and boring life.
"Sorry - but this is nonsense and I can't even think of what it means..."
Husse Oct 7 2007
Don't plan any hasty moves. You'll be evicted soon anyway.
"No - I don't believe it to be wrong - I know it's wrong"
Husse Jul 3 2007
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
My dear People.
My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks,
and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers,
Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots. Also my good
Sackville Bagginses that I welcome back at last to Bag End. Today is my
one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today!"
-- J. R. R. Tolkien
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.
Oh, and have a nice day!
-- Bryce Nesbitt '84

Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
-- Mark Twain
"this answer gets this out of the unanswered gang"
Husse Oct 21 2007
Q:
How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
It's all in the mind, ya know.
Q:
What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A:
A doberman.
"No I don't go to the IM channel any more - I found it disturbing to keep an eye
on it"
Husse Jul 4 2007
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
Tempt not a desperate man.
-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
Q:
How many marketing people does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
I'll have to get back to you on that.
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
You will remember, Watson, how the dreadful business of the
Abernetty family was first brought to my notice by the depth which the
parsley had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
-- Sherlock Holmes
"I've yet to master a way to search all files for a string with a reasonable out
put (reasonable output is the crux - grep gives a confusing output to say the le
ast)"
Husse Apr 15 2007
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
"The links are dead - and Firefox don't like them"
Husse Jul 7 2007
"Well - I don't think anyone would succeed to publish a web sight"
Husse Dec 2 2007
For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels,
each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall
was a gate.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King"
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to system overview.]
"Please give a moments thought to what you do!"
Husse Aug 3 2007
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
Q:
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A:
One less drunk.
You're not my type. For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
Reply hazy, ask again later.

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion
that makes horse-races.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
Q:
How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
"Are we to discuss philosophy?
I think we could easily get into an endless debate"
Husse Sept 28 2007
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
"The diversity in Linux is both its strength and its weekness"
Husse Sept 23 2007
question = ( to ) ? be
-- Wm.
"I was going to answer
for a while and I see

: ! be;
Shakespeare
you, but my lovely wife served some coffee so I went away
that Nick has given about the answer I would have given."

Husse Aug 5 2007

"Damn - still to much Windows in me"
Husse Apr 26 2007
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
"Since when do we offer web-hosting?
Found that to my surprise on the XFCE start page in Firefox"
Husse Jul 6 2007
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
"Sorry - I can't know what you know"
Husse Sept 7 2007
Mind! I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there is
particularly dead about a door-nail. I might have been inclined, myself,
to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed hands
shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for. You will therefore permit
me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
-- Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
"I have an immense patience and in the end we will clear things out"
Oct 14 2007
Q:
What is purple and conquered the world?
A:
Alexander the Grape.

"No - I don't believe it to be wrong - I know it's wrong"

Husse Jul 3 2007
"And vesa is at best "not terrible"
Husse Apr 5 2007
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a
rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2,
to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the
manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2
admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
"I have waited to answer in the hope someone else would."
Husse Jul 31 2007
"The Ubuntu developers have gone to great lengths to make sudo as smooth as poss
ible in the GUI environment, and they've done a very good job. By re-enabling th
e root user and even logging in as root, you literally throw their work out the
window, take your safety belt off and drive head-on into traffic. Yes, it is a b
it insane.."
Husse Mar 20 2007
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You need more time; and you probably always will.
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
"Wifi is a pain in the.... until you get it fixed"
Husse Oct 8 2007
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
Q:
Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
A:
Easy. It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
bottles into the typewriter.
Q:
Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A:
One per person.
Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
-- J.P. Donleavy
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
"The problem is to find it - for once I was completely lost in all sorts of answ
ers in Google but not the right one."
Husse Jul 25 2007
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles which are on very
very thin paper.
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.

Never look up when dragons fly overhead.

You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
"No - we don't mind if you use other distros"
Husse Jul 25 2007
Awash with unfocused desire, Everett twisted the lobe of his one remaining
ear and felt the presence of somebody else behind him, which caused terror
to push through his nervous system like a flash flood roaring down the
mid-fork of the Feather River before the completion of the Oroville Dam
in 1959.
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.
Q:
How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A:
Four. Two in the front, two in the back.
Q:
A:

How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?

There's a footprint in the mayo.

Q:
A:

How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?

There's two footprints in the mayo.

Q:
A:

How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?

The door won't shut.

Q:
How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A:
There's a VW Bug in your driveway.
Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
-- Mark Twain
This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Q:
How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A:
Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
-- Shakespeare
Q:
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. We'll fix it in software.
Q:
A:

How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The application can work around it.

Q:
A:

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We'll document it in the manual.

Q:
How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. The user can figure it out.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
It is so very hard to be an
on-your-own-take-care-of-yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you
grown-up.
You look like a million dollars. All green and wrinkled.
"My bad - expressed my self really bad in this post"
Husse Apr 26 2007
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.

You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Hamlet"
There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
-- Mark Twain
For a light heart lives long.
-- Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
"You may have to add other esoteric combinations of letters to get Beryl working
and so on..."
Husse Jul 15 2007
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
I do desire we may be better strangers.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I
know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
-- Bastian B. Bux
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
-- Mark Twain
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
-- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
You may be recognized soon. Hide.
You look tired.
"Turning a supertanker"
Husse Jul 27 2007
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
October.
This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.
The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Avoid reality at all costs.
You will be married within a year.
You look tired.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
-- Mark Twain
All I know is what the words know, and dead things, and that
makes a handsome little sum, with a beginning and a middle and
an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
-- Samuel Beckett
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
"Yes you do something wrong - and yet not"

Husse Apr 9 2007

"Do I understand you right that you say that you have to reboot to fix the probl
ems from a reboot"
Husse Sept 7 2007
Q:
What do they call the alphabet in Arkansas?
A:
The impossible dream.
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
-- Mark Twain
"You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.
-- Mark Twain
Beware the one behind you.
Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4
A:
Go west, young man, go west!
Q:
What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?
Q:
Why did the WASP cross the road?
A:
To get to the middle.
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
"As for sharing home partition let's just say I was warned when I read lot's of
posts in different forums before I moved my home - i.e. on my computer, not in t
he real world"
Husse Apr 26 2007
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Q:
How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
to the earlier joke.
"Add fluidsynth to these commands and you'll find it sooner or later - does not
hurt to know how to search"
Husse Oct 27 2007
All generalizations are false, including this one.
-- Mark Twain
It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man
who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that
there were too many prehistoric toads in it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You will be surrounded by luxury.
Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live
in eucalyptus trees.
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
"You have so many partitions that "crawl all over the place" that I get seriousl
y confused.
That grub listing is ominous ....."
Husse Sept 16 2007
"But - it is sad that it is so, not complicated, but not at all straight forward
"
Husse Aug 5 2007
Future looks spotty. You will spill soup in late evening.
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.

-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"

Q:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:
He was giving it last rites.
You're definitely on their list. The question to ask next is what list it is.
"Not that I know if it helps anything, but surprisingly often a reboot solves yo
ur problems. And for the moment at least I'm out of solutions"
Husse Apr 7 2007
"I don't want to spend all my time tied to the computer - my wife needs some att
ention too"
Husse Oct 14 2007
Q:
How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right shift?
A:
33. 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
"The vesa driver always (almost) works, but does not give nice video - rather ho
rrible"
Husse Jul 29 2007
"BTW uuid is a horrible thing - they can change suddenly and unexpectedly"
Husse Apr 30 2007
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
Q:
How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment
of license fee (binary only).
Save energy: be apathetic.
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Truth will out this morning. (Which may really mess things up.)
We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was
also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a
French restaurant. [...]
I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk
white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her
boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, "You ride the
bull, senor. You do not fight it." But he was lean and tough like a bad
rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished
there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...]
"Stop the car," the girl said.
There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the
woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an
arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.
"I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway
belle's for thee."
The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.
Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey
onto my granola and faced a new day.
-- Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway
Competition
One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has
only nine lives.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"If you still do not find it it's not there"
Husse Oct 18 2007
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is
oblivion.
-- Mark Twain
"You've broken one important rule Never install Windows after you install some o

ther operating system!

Microsoft don't give a damn about what else is on the disk"
Husse Dec 2 2007
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
"What do you mean with disappear - it's completely closed down or disappeared fr
om the panel or..."
Husse Sept 16 2007
Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would
be a merrier world.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
You're growing out of some of your problems, but there are others that
you're growing into.
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
"I'm also confused about the mentioning of Solaris - that's an ugly beast!"
Husse Sept 16 2007
Q:
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
One. Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
The time is right to make new friends.
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
The lunatic, the lover, and the poet,
Are of imagination all compact...
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
"Everything working?
That's a relief"
Husse May 24 2007
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
Q:
What's a light-year?
A:
One-third less calories than a regular year.
"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
-- Mark Twain
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
-- Mark Twain
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
"I am sorry.....
The E1505 is a mystery"
Husse Jul 5 2007
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
"Hopefully you are experienced enough not to make mistakes such as giving the wr
ong path to the inf file"
Husse Nov 29 2007
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
You will contract a rare disease.
Small things make base men proud.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
You will be married within a year.
For a light heart lives long.
-- Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
I do desire we may be better strangers.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night

to write.
-- Saul Bellow
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
The cats keep trying to bury them.
How do you play religious roulette?
You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets
struck by lightning first.
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot
stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
-- Mark Twain
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
-- Mark Twain
The bone-chilling scream split the warm summer night in two, the first
half being before the scream when it was fairly balmy and calm and
pleasant, the second half still balmy and quite pleasant for those who
hadn't heard the scream at all, but not calm or balmy or even very nice
for those who did hear the scream, discounting the little period of time
during the actual scream itself when your ears might have been hearing it
but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
"And a lot of times it did not work when it should have and the other way round
sometimes"
Q:
A:
Q:
A:

Husse May 1 2007

You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
Next Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don't
have a lucky day this year.
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
"Easy to forget the beginning of a thread"
Husse May 20 2007
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
Avoid reality at all costs.
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted;
persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting
to find a plot in it will be shot. By Order of the Author
-- Mark Twain, "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"
The Least Successful Collector
Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She
was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had
amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the
works of Shakespeare.
One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond
legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The
remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He
brought death into the world.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
A:
2 bits.
"My answer was partly the way it was because I did not know and did not have the
time to check"

Husse Sept 2 2007

Stay the curse.
Q:
How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels,
each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall
was a gate.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King"
[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
referring to system overview.]
"You've passed the big hurdle - to get wifi working."
Husse May 12 2007
Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
"If you still do not find it it's not there"
Husse Oct 18 2007
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
"Since when do we offer web-hosting?
Found that to my surprise on the XFCE start page in Firefox"
Husse Jul 6 2007
Q:
How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A:
Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q:
A:

How long does it take?

It's indeterminate.
It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.

Q:
What happens if you've got TWO flats?
A:
They replace your generator.
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
-- Ernest Hemingway
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
"But I think a possible explanation could be that the sound card is still sleepi
ng..."
Husse Sept 12 2007
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
Are you making all this up as you go along?
"I'm not at all sure this helps you, but as you say there is nothing to be found
about the problem except in czech and my attempt att "babelfishing" failed mise
rably"
Husse Jul 30 2007
"I'm sorry but I simply don't understand what you mean"
Husse Apr 4 2007
You will wish you hadn't.
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"

Things will be bright in P.M. A cop will shine a light in your face.
"What do you mean? Install Synaptic - it's there from the beginning....."
Husse Nov 18 2007
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
"Please give a moments thought to what you do!"
Husse Aug 3 2007
Gone With The Wind LITE(tm)
-- by Margaret Mitchell
A woman only likes men she can't have and the South gets trashed.
Gift of the Magi LITE(tm)
-- by O. Henry
A husband and wife forget to register their gift preferences.
The Old Man and the Sea LITE(tm)
-- by Ernest Hemingway
An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck.
Q:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:
He was giving it last rites.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
Things past redress and now with me past care.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
"Moderation is only to be done by someone who is trusted to do it :)"
Husse Sept 13 2009
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
"You have so many partitions that "crawl all over the place" that I get seriousl
y confused.
That grub listing is ominous ....."
Husse Sept 16 2007
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
-- Blaise Pascal
"Do I understand you right that you say that you have to reboot to fix the probl
ems from a reboot"
Husse Sept 7 2007
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is
nothing but cabbage with a college education.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.
-- Roger Zelazny, "Doorways in the Sand"
You will be divorced within a year.
"And yes - I'm a bit omnipresent
This is my hobby"
Husse Sept 24 2007
"Do I understand you right that you say that you have to reboot to fix the probl
ems from a reboot"
Husse Sept 7 2007
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.

"Problems like this makes me wonder if I should install some virtualization soft
ware and run an instance of Mint in that. I could then destroy that Mint in all
kinds of ways"
Husse Nov 12 2007