Our

 Adoption  Journey  
By  Jen  Winter  
 
“For  he  chose  us  in  him  before  the  creation  of  the  world  to  be  holy  and  blameless  in  his  
sight.  In  love  he  predestined  us  to  be  adopted  as  his  sons  through  Jesus  Christ,  in  
accordance  with  his  pleasure  and  will—  to  the  praise  of  his  glorious  grace,  which  he  
has  freely  given  us  in  the  One  he  loves.”  Ephesians  1:4-­6  (ESV)  
 
With  the  arrival  of  our  new  bundle  of  joy,  several  people  have  asked  us  about  
adoption;  how  we  went  about  it,  why  we  did  it,  etc.  So,  here’s  our  story.  
 
I  think  for  both  Dave  and  I,  God  began  planting  seeds  in  our  hearts  regarding  
adoption  quite  some  time  ago.  For  me,  it  began  when  I  spent  three  months  in  
Nigeria.  Each  afternoon,  I  spent  a  few  hours  at  an  orphanage  for  street  boys.  I  can  
remember  one  particular  boy  named  Garaba  (he  was  about  7  years  old),  whom  I  
absolutely  fell  in  love  with.  He  even  asked  me  to  take  him  home  with  him.  My  heart  
broke.  God  had  planted  the  seed.  For  Dave,  there  were  several  factors  that  turned  
his  heart  towards  adoption.  His  uncle  was  adopted,  as  well  as  two  cousins  on  his  
dad’s  side…adoption  was  just  normal.  When  Dave  traveled  to  Yemen,  he  too  spent  
time  in  an  orphanage  and  felt  a  similar  draw  towards  adoption.  
 
After  Dave  and  I  got  married,  we  spent  the  first  year  or  two  dreaming  about  our  
future  family.  We  talked  about  the  possibility  of  being  missionaries  overseas;  about  
the  idea  of  adopting  a  little  one  in  whatever  country  we  ended  up  being  in.  We  also  
assumed  we  would  have  one  or  two  of  our  ‘own’  children  first.  Well,  God  had  other  
plans.  In  August  2008  we  began  trying  to  conceive.  Month  after  month  passed  with  
no  success.  Of  course,  our  hearts  were  heavy  each  time  we  were  disappointed.  We  
were  referred  to  a  fertility  specialist  in  February  2009,  but  were  told  it  could  take  
until  Christmas  time  to  get  an  appointment.  Time  marched  along  and  still  no  baby  or  
appointment.    
 
In  April  2009  Dave  attended  a  conference  called  the  Gospel  Coalition.  At  this  
conference,  he  was  given  several  books,  one  of  which  was  called  “Adopted  for  Life”  
by  Russell  Moore.  We  were  both  intrigued  by  this  book  and  so  read  it  in  short  order.  
What  an  amazing  book!!  It  not  only  challenged  us  to  become  adoptive  parents,  but  
also  encouraged  our  hearts  on  the  whole  concept  of  adoption  being  a  way  of  living  
out  the  gospel.  Please  see  Dave’s  book  review  for  further  information  on  this  great  
book.    After  reading  that  book,  we  began  researching  adoption,  even  though  we  
hadn’t  yet  had  a  fertility  appointment.  
 
First,  we  looked  into  international  adoption.  It  seemed  to  make  sense  in  light  of  our  
previous  experiences.  We  were  soon  very  discouraged.  Not  only  was  the  process  
VERY  expensive  ($40,000+),  but  we  also  didn’t  qualify  for  many  countries  on  
account  of  our  ethnicity,  age,  even  our  BMI!  As  well,  we  really  had  our  hearts  set  on  
getting  an  infant,  since  this  would  be  our  first  child  and  for  most  international  
adoptions,  this  is  just  not  possible.  Door  after  door  closed.  We  were  told  that  
adopting  from  the  US  would  be  our  best  option.  But,  we  thought  to  ourselves,  why  
adopt  from  the  US?  Why  not  just  adopt  from  Canada?  And  so,  we  decided  to  go  for  a  
local  adoption.    
 
In  Alberta  there  are  only  a  few  adoption  agencies-­‐Adoption  Options,  Adoption  by  
Choice  and  Christian  Adoption  Services  are  the  main  ones.  I  made  some  phone  calls  
and  began  filling  out  an  application.  One  nice  summer  day,  we  were  at  a  friends  
place  for  a  BBQ  where  we  began  talking  about  the  adoption  process.  Our  friend  then  
told  us  about  a  program  that  stirred  in  us  great  excitement…a  program  called  
‘Foster-­‐to-­‐Adopt’  through  Alberta  Children’s  Services.  We  were  intrigued  and  so  we  
attended  an  information  session  at  the  end  of  August.  We  learned  that  the  children  
(usually  infants)  were  apprehended  from  their  parents  for  various  reasons-­‐alcohol  
and  drug  abuse,  known  inability  to  care  for  their  children  (often  multiple  
pregnancies  without  custody  of  any  of  the  children),  mental  disorders,  etc.  Such  a  
child  would  be  placed  in  your  home  as  a  ‘foster’  child  while  permanent  guardianship    
(PGO)  was  requested  from  a  judge.  We  were  told  it  could  take  up  to  a  year  for  this  to  
happen  and  there  was  a  legal  risk,  which  meant  that  a  judge  could  decide  at  that  
time  to  give  the  child  back  to  the  birth  parent(s).  If  the  PGO  is  approved,  you  move  
on  to  adopt  the  child.  The  idea  is  to  promote  permanency  and  prevent  children  from  
bouncing  around  between  homes.  As  well,  we  were  told  that  very  few  children  are  
‘taken  back’.  Becoming  a  part  of  the  program  meant  that  we  had  to  be  willing  to  
accept  that  risk,  as  well  as  to  accept  the  fact  that  the  child  would  have  some  ‘issue’  
such  as  FASD,  behavior/learning  problems,  drug  withdrawal,  family  history  of  
mental  illness,  abuse,  etc.  Perhaps  it  was  God’s  previous  preparation  of  our  hearts  or  
perhaps  it  was  something  else,  but  we  came  home  after  that  information  night  very  
excited.  This  was  the  right  program  for  us.    
 
You  may  think  we  were  crazy  to  accept  the  legal  risk,  or  you  may  have  a  hard  time  
understanding  why  we  WANTED  a  child  with  ‘special  needs’.  I’ve  written  about  it  
before,  but  I  guess  I  just  feel  that  we  in  North  America  have  become  far  too  
demanding  when  it  comes  to  kids.  We  demand  from  God  when  we  don’t  want  kids  
and  then  we  demand  from  Him  that  He  give  us  some.  Next,  we  demand  that  they  be  
‘normal’  and  ‘healthy’.  Just  look  at  all  of  the  possible  prenatal  testing,  with  many  
results  leading  to  abortions.  Many  people  aren’t  interested  in  having  an  ‘abnormal’  
child.  They  want  their  children  to  be  ‘successful’-­‐beautiful,  smart,  famous,  whatever!  
For  us,  however,  we  have  felt  strongly  that  God  does  not  discriminate.  He  loves  each  
one  equally.  Christ  died  for  all,  that  ALL  might  become  a  part  of  His  family.  I  guess  
we  felt  that  He  loves  these  little  ones  just  as  much  as  any  other  and  we  wanted  to  be  
able  to  give  at  least  one  child  the  love  they  so  deserve.  
 
We  had  an  intake  meeting  in  early  September  and  began  filling  in  paperwork.  We  
had  to  do  a  criminal  record  check,  child  intervention  check,  general  medical  exam,  
fill  out  a  long  survey  about  our  family  history,  and  get  references.  After  about  a  
month  we  were  able  to  move  on  to  the  next  step.  We  enrolled  in  a  one-­‐month  course  
in  November  (on  weekends)  called  Orientation  to  Caregiver  Training.  It’s  designed  
to  allow  you  to  better  understand  what  types  of  kids  are  in  the  social  services  
system  and  begin  to  show  you  how  to  raise  and  love  them.    Next  was  our  home  
study.  A  social  worker  came  to  our  house  three  times  for  3  or  4  hours  each  time  and  
asked  us  every  question  imaginable  about  our  upbringing,  our  values,  interests,  
family  life,  marriage,  work,  school,  reasons  for  being  in  the  program,  etc.  We  had  a  
really  nice  social  worker  and  so  went  through  this  stage  with  ease.  The  same  week  
that  we  completed  the  home  study,  we  finally  had  an  appointment  with  the  fertility  
clinic-­‐right  before  Christmas  on  Dec.  22.    
 
How  were  we  feeling  about  fertility  treatment  at  this  stage?  Uncertain,  but  still  
interested.  We’ve  felt  all  along  that  if  we  are  able  to  conceive,  great,  but  if  not,  that’s  
ok  too.  So,  we  went  to  the  appointment  with  open  minds.  We’d  done  blood  tests,  an  
ultrasound,  etc.  previously,  but  they  re-­‐ordered  those  tests,  plus  a  few  more.    
 
January  was  a  quiet  month.  We  were  waiting  for  our  home  study  to  be  approved  and  
for  our  file  to  be  passed  to  a  caseworker.  We  were  also  waiting  for  our  tests  to  be  
completed  at  the  fertility  clinic.    
 
Mid-­‐February  we  met  our  caseworker.  She  had  us  sign  a  few  papers  and  spent  some  
time  getting  to  know  us.  She  told  us  that  we  would  be  getting  our  official  license  in  
the  mail  in  the  next  week  or  so  and  that  the  process  can  be  ‘very  quick’  so  to  be  
ready.  What?  We  were  thrown  into  a  bit  of  a  panic!  Quickly,  we  bought  a  used  crib  
and  a  cheap  change  table,  just  in  case.    
 
In  the  meantime,  our  fertility  tests  were  completed  and  we  were  told  that  our  
follow-­‐up  appointment  would  be  in  May.  Are  you  serious???  MAY?  Good  grief.  I  was  
feeling  very  frustrated  by  the  whole  fertility  road.  On  the  one  hand,  I  want  to  know  if  
there’s  something  simple  we  can  change  so  that  we  can  conceive,  but  on  the  other  
hand,  I’ve  started  to  become  more  and  more  disinterested  in  treatments.  After  
working  in  the  NICU  for  the  past  year,  I  have  seen  several  situations,  which  have  
made  me  uncertain  about  the  ethics  of  fertility  treatment.  I  know  that  there  are  
ways  to  do  it  ethically,  but  I’m  personally  not  comfortable  with  it.  As  well,  I  really  am  
not  interested  in  all  of  the  side  effects  of  many  of  the  drugs  involved.  To  me,  I’m  just  
as  happy  to  adopt,  so  I  don’t  feel  the  need  to  force  my  body  to  produce.    It’s  a  
personal  choice  for  each,  and  we  haven’t  yet  closed  that  door,  but  that’s  where  we’re  
at  for  now.  
 
So…March  11  we  got  our  license  for  Foster-­‐to-­‐Adopt  in  the  mail.  What  excitement!  
We  were  overjoyed…and  a  bit  scared.  Little  did  we  know  that  we  would  get  a  phone  
call  five  days  later  about  a  newborn  baby  girl.  I  was  asleep  at  home,  having  worked  a  
night  shift  and  Dave  got  the  call  at  work.  I  can  remember  Dave  coming  into  our  room  
(which  he  never  does  when  I’m  sleeping)  and  he  said,  “We  got  a  phone  call”.  “What?”  
I  said,  “are  you  serious?”…  “Yes,  it’s  a  little  girl  who  was  born  on  Friday  (Mar.  12).  
They  think  she  might  have  Down  Syndrome  and  if  she  does,  her  parents  want  to  give  
her  up  for  adoption.”  Long  pause.  Dave  and  I  stare  wide-­‐eyed  at  each  other.  My  brain  
is  reeling…the  room  was  just  painted,  still  a  mess.  I  hadn’t  even  mentioned  anything  
to  my  boss  about  our  situation.  But,  my  heart  had  melted  already.  I  could  tell  Dave’s  
eyes  that  his  had  too.  We  wanted  this  little  girl.  We  had  to  decide  that  day.  After  
some  frantic  calls  to  our  parents  and  to  my  boss  we  talked  it  over.  We  were  
definitely  interested,  we  weren’t  ready,  but  we  knew  we  could  get  ready  in  a  hurry.  
However,  we  didn’t  want  to  take  her  for  a  week  (while  the  genetic  testing  was  being  
completed)  and  then  have  to  give  her  back  if  the  test  was  negative.  We  decided  to  
ask  if  she  could  be  placed  in  a  temporary  foster  home  and  then  if  the  test  was  
positive,  we  wanted  her.  Our  caseworker  agreed  that  this  was  probably  a  wise  
situation  as  it  was  a  very  ‘high  risk’  situation.    
 
And  so  we  waited.  Very  anxiously,  mind  you,  but  we  waited  nonetheless.    The  next  
Tuesday  we  got  another  phone  call  (Dave  answered  again).  The  baby  girl  indeed  had  
Down  Syndrome  and  her  parents  would  give  her  up  for  adoption.  However,  we  
would  not  be  able  to  take  her  right  away.  Now  that  it  was  a  straight  adoption,  there  
was  a  different  ‘process’  to  follow.  Her  parents  would  be  given  a  few  profiles  of  
families  to  choose  from.  The  baby’s  caseworker  was  going  on  vacation  for  a  week.  
More  and  more  waiting.  It  was  killer!!  What  a  roller  coaster…thinking  she  would  be  
ours,  then  having  to  wait  more.  Each  day  we  hoped  for  a  phone  call  or  an  email  and  
nothing.  Several  nights  I  went  to  bed  with  a  heavy  heart  and  tears  in  my  eyes.  All  
Dave  and  I  could  do  was  pray,  hope  and  wait.  Our  caseworker  finally  said  that  a  
decision  should  be  made  by  Friday,  April  9th.  We  anxiously  awaited  a  phone  call,  
desperately  wanting  closure  on  the  subject.  No  phone  call,  no  email.  And  of  course,  
on  the  weekends  there  would  be  nothing.  We  thought  hope  was  lost.  We  began  to  
ready  ourselves  to  move  on.    
 
Monday  morning  at  8:30  we  got  another  phone  call.  Once  again,  Dave  answered.  We  
were  chosen.  Really?  Honest?  Yes.  Hooray!!!  Joy  flooded  our  hearts.  Finally!  All  the  
waiting  and  heartache  was  forgotten.  I  went  to  work  that  night  with  a  bag  full  of  
treats  and  a  huge  smile  on  my  face.  It  was  time  to  celebrate!  But,  the  waiting  was  not  
yet  over.  A  meeting  was  set  up  for  Friday,  April  16th  with  our  case  worker  and  the  
baby’s  case  worker.  Finally,  Friday  arrived.  Everything  looked  positive.  We  were  so  
excited.  The  baby’s  case  worker  wanted  us  to  take  time  over  the  weekend  to  make  
an  informed  decision.  Our  choice  was  already  made,  we  had  made  it  all  the  way  back  
in  March.  We  wanted  this  precious  girl.  Meetings  were  arranged  for  the  next  week.    
 
Monday,  April  19th  we  met  the  baby’s  foster  mom.  She  was  very  kind  and  had  only  
good  things  to  say  of  the  baby.  We  were  so  excited,  we  could  barely  stand  it.  We  still  
had  not  met  our  soon  to  be  daughter,  but  we  loved  her  so  much  already.  On  
Tuesday,  we  met  the  pediatrician  that  assessed  her  in  the  hospital  at  birth.  He  also  
was  very  positive  and  warm.  He  welcomed  our  questions  and  encouraged  us  about  
the  joys  of  raising  a  child  with  special  needs.    
 
Finally,  finally  Wednesday,  April  21st  we  finally  met  our  daughter!!!  We  spent  four  
hours  with  her-­‐holding,  feeding,  bathing,  walking.  She  was  perfect.  Plus,  it  turns  out  
that  her  foster  mom  has  relatives  at  our  church.  God  works  in  wonderful  and  
mysterious  ways!    
 
And  on  Thursday,  April  22nd  we  became  parents.  We  brought  our  daughter  home.  
We’ve  decided  to  keep  her  birth  name  as  her  middle  name.  Even  though  God  chose  
us  to  raise  her,  we  know  that  they  are  still  a  part  of  her  life  and  we  wanted  to  honor  
that.  We’ve  changed  her  first  name  to  Anaya,  which  is  Hebrew  for  God  answered-­‐we  
know  that  she  has  come  as  an  answer  to  our  prayers.  We  feel  that  Anaya  is  also  an  
example  of  how  God  has  answered  ALL  of  our  prayers  as  we’ve  come  into  His  family  
as  adopted  children.  Our  hearts  are  full!    
 
We  also  received  some  questions  regarding  our  adoption  journey.  You  can  find  our  
answers  to  these  below:    
 
1) Will  you  be  remaining  in  contact  with  the  birth  parents?  
Sadly,  no.  In  fact,  we  did  not  even  meet  them.  They  have  chosen  to  keep  the  
adoption  essentially  “closed”  with  no  visits  or  updates.  At  first,  you  may  think  
this  is  a  great  thing.  When  we  first  started  the  adoption  process  we  too  sort  
of  hoped  for  a  closed  adoption…however,  our  opinions  have  changed.  We’ve  
come  to  realize  the  importance  of  the  birth  family,  Anaya  will  always  be  a  
part  of  them  whether  or  not  they  see  her,  and  we  would  love  to  strengthen  
that  connection  in  a  healthy  way  for  all  persons  involved.  The  more  people  to  
love  a  child,  the  better!  We  hope  that  one  day  they  will  desire  to  have  some  
involvement  with  Anaya.    
 
2) Are  you  still  going  to  your  fertility  appointment?  
Yes.  We  are  still  interested  to  hear  the  results  of  our  tests  and  what  the  
possible  options  could  be.  We  would  still  love  to  experience  
pregnancy…though  we  won’t  pursue  any  treatments  for  at  least  9  months  or  
so  in  order  to  give  us  at  least  a  year  with  just  Anaya.    
 
Dave:  I’m  interested  in  knowing  but  I’m  still  ‘out  to  lunch’  to  whether  I  want  
to  pursue  fertility  treatment  as  it  takes  a  heavy  toll  on  individuals  and  the  
married  couple  alike  -­‐  both  physically  and  emotionally.  I  would  love  for  Jen  to  
experience  pregnancy  but  at  what  cost?  Catch  my  drift?  
 
3) What  advice  or  cautions  would  you  have  for  other  couples  considering  
Foster-­to-­Adopt?  
Great  question!  First  off,  take  your  time  researching  options…look  at  
international  adoption  and  ‘regular’  local  adoption  as  well  as  Foster-­‐to-­‐Adopt  
(FTA).  Take  in  the  information  session  offered  for  FTA.  Ask  questions.  Get  
some  understanding  on  some  of  the  most  common  things  that  you  might  
encounter  (FASD,  drug  abuse,  etc).  Go  into  it  with  your  eyes  open.    
 
We  recently  read  a  shocking  story  from  the  US  about  a  woman  who  adopted  
a  7yr  old  boy  from  Russia.  He  obviously  had  some  major  attachment  and  
 behavioral  problems  due  to  his  upbringing  in  an  orphanage.  The  woman  
stated  that  she  “wanted  a  child  to  love”.  When  he  came  she  was  overwhelmed  
by  his  ‘issues’  and  SENT  HIM  BACK  with  a  note  saying  that  she  could  not  love  
this  child!!  Appalling!  But,  an  important  lesson  is  learnt.  When  you  sign  up  for  
FTA  you  have  to  sign  up  knowing  there  will  be  some  extra  challenges.  What  
encouraged  us  to  continue  pursuing  FTA  is  the  amazing  supports  that  are  
offered-­‐access  to  courses,  counseling,  respite  care  and  even  financial  
assistance.  I  think  one  of  the  main  problems  with  the  woman  from  the  US  is  
that  she  didn’t  ask  for  help!  None  of  us  can  raise  a  child  on  our  own,  it  ‘takes  a  
village’!    
 
What  I’m  trying  to  say  is  that  to  do  FTA  you  have  to  be  able  to  say  “yes”  to  a  
child  with  special  needs,  you  will  not  get  that  “perfect  child”.  If  that’s  what  
you’re  looking  for,  look  elsewhere.  That  said,  you  are  given  a  list  of  possible  
disorders  etc  that  a  child  could  have  and  you  decide  what  you  are  willing  to  
accept,  so  you  can  place  some  boundaries.  We  were  pretty  open,  but  we  also  
said  ‘no’  to  a  few  things.    
 
However,  don’t  let  the  ‘special  needs’  scare  you  off  and  don’t  read  TOO  much  
information  on  all  the  different  disorders…I  think  sometimes  we  try  to  ‘fix’  
everything  and  end  up  focusing  on  the  disability,  rather  than  on  the  abilities  
of  the  child.  The  pediatrician  that  we  met  told  us  to  put  the  books  away,  the  
thing  Anaya  needs  most  from  us  is  TLC  (tender  loving  care).  Cross  the  
bridges  of  challenge  when  you  get  to  them.  In  the  meantime,  rejoice  in  her  
successes.  I  love  that  philosophy  and  it’s  how  we  hope  to  face  the  future  with  
Anaya.  
 
4) Does  she  feel  like  your  own  child?    
This  is  a  bit  hard  to  answer.  For  me,  there  wasn’t  an  instant  connection  like  
I’ve  heard  that  there  is  with  biological  children.  Maybe  it’s  because  I  work  
with  babies  and  am  used  to  keeping  myself  from  an  emotional  connection.  
However,  as  the  days  pass  I  find  I  am  more  and  more  in  love  with  her.  We’ve  
spent  (and  will  continue  to  spend)  a  lot  of  time  holding  her  or  at  least  having  
her  next  to  us  in  order  to  promote  attachment.  I  know  that  in  time  she  will  be  
just  as  much  ‘mine’  as  a  child  that  came  from  my  womb.  That  is  the  beauty  of  
adoption-­‐Anaya  is  “ours”,  she  became  ours  the  moment  the  papers  were  
signed.  That  won’t  change.  If  you  want  more  to  read  on  this  concept,  again  I  
recommend  Russell  Moore’s  book.    
 
Dave:  Yes!  It  was  almost  instantaneous.    My  desire  was  to  be  a  father  and  it  
didn’t  matter  if  that  was  through  having  our  own  biological  children  or  if  we  
adopted.  I  know  some  people  struggle  with  this  and  can’t  embrace  adoption.  
 
The  hardest  thing  for  me  during  this  whole  process  was  the  attitude  that  
some  people  had  towards  it.  I  would  often  have  people  ask  this  question  or  
tell  me  that  ‘they  are  praying  that  we  can  have  our  own  kids  too.’  Thank  you  
for  praying  for  us  but  I  don’t  see  the  difference.    This  just  shows  the  attitude  
that  some  have:  biological  is  better  than  adopted.      Maybe  God  wired  me  
differently  or  gave  me  an  extra  measure  of  grace,  so  that  this  wasn’t  a  
problem.    Anaya  is  my  child  and  I  will  love  her,  protect  her,  disciple  her,  care  
for  her  until  God  calls  one  of  us  home.