24 Hillary DePiano (Announcer begins fight:) Let’s get it on! (Bell sounds. As Champ warming up and shadowboxing:) Show me what you got. Show me what you got! (As British woman who mimes taking out a purse:) Oh, [only have about four pence and twenty quid. (Confused Champ:) That's not really what Imeant lady. (British woman sighs dejectedly:) Very well then. (She suddenly pulls arm back to punch Champ with all her might. TRUFFALDINO then jumps over and plays the Champ taking the hit in the face and falling over comically, unconscious. He then jumps back up, bows and works the crowd before confidently re- turns to see the affect of this on the still stoic TARTAGLIA,) TRUFFALDINO. Funny? TARTAGLIA. No. TRUFFALDINO. (Is momentarily annoyed but then begins again:) Very well. I don’t usually use my A material on charity cases, but for you Iwill make an exception. (He surveys the situation and then rips the LV. out of TARTA- GLIA’s arm and ignoring TARTAGLIAS yelp of pain, takes cen- ter stage. The rest of the stage darkens and a spotlight hits him. As he begins this next bit of dialogue, he begins to extend the LV. stand as high as it will go and use it as a microphone.) Maestro, if you please. (The introduction to “Send in the Clowns” be- gins.) Ladies and gentlemen, what I have for you now isa story about couple of people that just met. One of them is giving the other a bit of trouble but let's see if they can get through in the end. (TRUFEALDINO then sings an abridged parody version of “Send in the Clowns” working the crowd whenever possible, working the tube as the microphone wire and waving/winking to fans and friends in the audience, He sings:) ISN'T IT RICH, AREN'T WE A PAIR? ME HERE JUST CLOWNING AROUND, YOU, USING UP AIR! SEND IN THE CLOWNS! QUICK! SEND IN THE CLOWNS! DON’T BOTHER I’M HERE! (The last line is his big finish and he begins to squeeze the IV bags tightly as he hits his final note, As he squeezes them, he begins to look at them and their positioning. He grabs these new “breasts” and notices that one bag is much larger than the other. To the audience:) Excuse me, doc, but aren't these supposed to be the same size? (The lights come up and he returns triumphantly to TARTAGLIA. to find him still un-amused. In frustration he contemplates one of