THE CODEPENDANT

EC DAY 1:
An adventure in going nowhere fast
Previously in ECs life, the mock debate was a complete disaster and now
its time to handle real agendas. (Go ahead and read the mock debate review, Ill wait here. Done? Great. Welcome back.) Everything was going
well, until the bickering began.
11:00
THE REFUGEE HOT POTATO:
France and Czech Republic sneered about their numbers of refugees;
who has how many people, as if this would somehow contribute to the
debate. Czech basically said its wrong to have quotas and forcefully keep
people in Czech because theyre going to leave for Germany at some
point anyway. Thankfully that was the end of that. I loved how they talked about women, children, and millions of displaced people who have
hopes, dreams, and fears as something you collect, like Pokemon.
NO ONE USED, QUOTED, OR RELIED ON DATA.
Most discussions that followed after basically revolved around personal
hunches, and on an empathetic view of the human condition. However,
of the 65.3 million forcibly displaced people, Europe only welcomed
6% of them, or about 3 million. And now the EC council members
struggle with coming up with solutions for 6% of displaced people.
WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT
POST-MIGRATION POLICIES
Informally, the country delegates finally had a chance to convene during
a coffee break without the shackles of democratic debate. They used this

time to spit into each others red faces as they ploughed through the
answer to the question: what should we talk about when we talk about
the EU policy in post-migration era? Thankfully, Malta and Germany
came to an agreement (while, ironically, member states greece, denmark,
france, and slovakia stood nearby and just listened).
12:00
GOD HAS MERCY: GERMANY OFFERED ACTUAL TALKING
POINTS
Germany offered these aspects as talking points, to try and steer the conversation:
-Social: model of integration; hate speech etc.
-Economic: social services, underfinanced
-Security: border control, security systems
-Institutional: more EU or less EU influence
ITALY THINKS BEFORE SPEAKING
Every now and then, Italy stood up and gave a lovely speech about Italys current problems with migration. They were heartfelt and moving.
Members listened, but the discussion carried on regardless. At least the
council members put her thoughts to words, carefully edited them, and
presented her views to the room. Some members could benefit from this
approach.
POLAND STRUGGLED TO GET A WORD OUT, DENIED BASIC
HUMAN RIGHT
Poland was desperate to get to speak, visibly showing stress. The president, somehow, failed to see this and regularly skipped over Poland. The
suspicion of the presidents apathy towards Poland was palpable in the
room. Poland also struggled with keeping its remarks under the allotted
speaking time. To adapt to the situation, Poland tried to speak faster and
convey more information, but sadly was cut in 30 seconds and denied
to speak again, as the president of the EC clearly and undisputably has
nothing but malcontent and low-key envy of Polands council member who clearly smells better and has softer skin.

13:00
WE ALL HAVE TO SHARE THE BURDEN OF INTEGRATING REFUGEES INTO SOCIETY someone shouted in the council room. Ah,
yes. Heavy is the crown of the 6% of the 65,3 million refugees right now.
What are we say about Turkey and its 2,5 million refugees, Pakistans
1,6m and Lebanons 1,1m?
GERMANY CM VICTIMIZED BY PRESIDENT
At one point, the german chancellor Angela Merkel had a heatstroke,
wherein which she declared that she is not a woman, and would prefer to
be addressed with male pronouns, as she (or he) believed to be a slovenian man stuck in a room at a faculty building.
The president, however, quickly shut down the issue with feral animosity
by simply stating This is not relevant to the discussion.
When reached for comment, Angela Merkel stated: As a German, transgender, vegan, crossfitter, I am offended.
UK NOTICES IT IS IN THE ROOM, IMMEDIATELY REGRETS IT
When the UK council member finally realised that he, indeed, is in the
same room with everyone else, he offered a few empty words on the situation, saying: a unified approach bares no fruit. #classic #eatingspotteddick
The room began chanting WHY ARE YOU HERE?. The UK member
was drowned in the chorus voices, much like Thatcher in her prime. The
scene quickly escalated to what can only be described with the french
word: sauvage.
GERMANY GETS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE, DEFENSIVE
Obviously no one is listening-- Germany during an opening remark.

CONCLUSION
It was a very, very long day, and we should probably rest. I was supposed to be sober. - Ireland offered last.
Indeed, today was quite a sobering experience for all.
In the very end, the proceedings of day 1 passed with the same unspoken
grace of a piece of Burek lost in space. It had good intentions. The question is, however, can the lives of 65.000.000 people live off of good intentions?