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Millennial Dating: A Deduction of the Hookup Culture

Danny Smith
Abstract: This article acts as a supplementary component of a multimedia project for a 300-level Stony
Brook University course (Writing in the New Media), in which it assesses the dating culture surrounding
the social topic described in the multimodal portion. A literature review of a social research study is
analyzed and used to establish a clear characterization of millennial dating; and to introduce the roles of
sex, sexual actions, and gender in this hookup culture. A self-conducted research study is then recounted
and used in exploring the inoperative effect the culture provokes regarding communication and intimacy;
through extrapolating logical and relevant conclusions about the general practices of dating reported, a
more intensive perspective of this novel culture is presented.

1.

Introduction

As a result of todays realized dating culture, dating can be taxing and confusing; antonymous
with straightforward; and, more often than not, the bud of jokeless punchlines. Bred in a hookup
culture, millennials are destabilizing the rules of courtship, and, instead, practicing the once
taboo. Currently, the dating scene is more closely associated with hooking-up1 than going
steady1. Rather than spending a night out on the town, we rendezvous over phone texts, social
media posts, and direct messages (DMs). The classic movie-and-dinner date (more like
streaming and take-out!) fails to provide the magical romance it once did, what with the movie
cinema acting as obsolete as a flip phone; and third base as the new first base. Likewise, dates
are no longer dates.
Todays idea of dating consists of casually hanging out and Netflix-and-Chilling,
further facilitating the neglect to focus on creating meaningful bonds and interactions present in
todays society. The rise of the hookup culture among millennials has left our generation
confused about communicating in the absence of sexual interactions, and on landing a boyfriend
or girlfriend.

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where hooking-up is characterized by spontaneous, commitment-free (and often, alcoholfueled) romantic exchanges, and going steady refers to participating in a committed,
exclusive, serious relationship with another person

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2.

Literature Review

There has been a plethora of research gathered concerning the modern dating culture, dubbed the
hookup culture, including the work of a Stanford sociology professor and leading researcher of
sociology of gender, Paula England. Her extensive research study, Understanding the Hookup
Culture: Whats Really Happening on College Campuses, targets charting tangible and objective
data/evidence as to whether hookup culture demonstrates transformative changes from that of
dating customs preceding; England questions whether hookup culture opposes the old gender
order, or, simply, demonstrates traditional gender norms implemented in new social forms (Sut,
2011). England presents her investigations as an enlightening lecture to concerned (about the
unconventional practices of the hookup culture) American adults, and confused college students
and young people, alike (Sut, 2011).
Englands research finds that in this hookup culture, males act as the initiators; and
therefore, females become the anticipatorsexpecting and awaiting. This dualistic relationship
is further supported with quantitative data displaying that 75% of surveyed students deem it
acceptable for women to ask men on dates, though, overwhelmingly, it is men asking women on
dates. Her research also conclusively shows that hookups are often designed to benefit men.
Males are more prone to orgasmic relief and full satisfaction post-hookup than females, as well
as to receiving oral stimulation during the hookup. Qualitative data conducted via interviews and
focus groups of undergraduate students conclude that females often feel like they are expected to
perform oral sex in dutifully pleasing men; and, in maintaining men-pride, women fake orgasms!
However, females do enjoy sex acts and hooking-up just as much; and, both males and females
report hooking-up more often than going out on dates.

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Additionally, Englands research findings show that more men than women are
uninterested in an intimate relationship outside of intercourse with their loverseven more so
post-hookuphowever, when commitment is an option, men are most likely to address the
relationship status. The data also reports that some men see prospective partners that hookup
during the first or second hang-out ineligible to date, and as mal-relationship material;
furthermore, one-third of men respect their partner less for hooking up with them. Women can be
seen as tart-y and hoe-ish when hooking-up at high frequencies by both men and women; and
while some males are labeled as man-whores, most are praised for and encouraged to continue
their sexual escapades (Young & England).
England quickly infers that dating is not dead; still, she acknowledges the lower
occurrence rates in the modern dating culture (Sut, 2011). Upon reviewing the data, England
proposes that dating no longer befits the old definition that involves the act of attending
dates; now it indicates boyfriend/girlfriend-shipthe traditional date is much rarer. Finally,
the data collected in the study allows England to conclude the following deductions:
Hooking up is a new social form where sexual activity precedesrather than follows
dates or other expressions of relational intent, and
The gendering of this new social form seems just as extreme as the gendering of old
dating and courtship forms, (Young & England).
3.

Hooking-up: A Culture

In the self-conducted research performed, a questionnaire was sent out to 40 respondents; all of
whom answered 25 questions (8 of which were short/free response) on current practices in the
millennial dating culture. This allowed for qualitative and quantitative data to be collected and
analyzed in investigating the overall understanding of the hookup culture by college-aged

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students; logical inferences and deductions presumed from said data were then used to analyze
the deficiency of intimacy and authentic relationships practiced in millennial dating.
3.1 Vernacular
As with all novelty, especially when dealing with cultural transformation, the language
surrounding the culture develops to reflect the on-going events of the time; language evolution is
a natural process. New words are created; old words are used in new ways, with new, or slightly
different meanings; and some words are obliterated from the language altogether. So is the case
of the hookup culture. Below are some common terms and definitions drawn from respondents
responses, answered during the drafted research-study:
Bae: n. Before Anyone Else; used to refer to a prospective partner or current crush;
synonymous with baby, babe; can also be used to refer to exclusive significant other
Bae-Watch: v. any activity supporting the search of prospective interest in public; usually
to avoid competitors from claiming ones said interest (see Cock-block)
Catching Feelings: v. developing emotional attachment to a partner in a situation meant to
remain casual
Cock-block: n. person who cock-blocks
v. to prevent someone from scoring sexually, or from scoring the attention
of a shared or controversial love interest
Front: v. (commonly used in gerundial form, fronting) to deny the reality of the truth
intentionally; to pretend; to falsify situations, feelings, etc.
Fuck-Boy: n. a guy who purposefully treats romantic partners in a malicious, and unjust
way, usually emotionally, to wrongfully enforce superiority; synonymous with asshole
Lit: v. to get drunk and have a good-time

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n. the state of feeling and displaying good vibes and an animated energy, usually
while inebriated and partying; turnt-up
Monogamy: n. the slightly vague act of being with a partner physically, emotionally,
and mentally in an exclusive, official, and willing fashion; though relationship boundaries
are not necessary
Netflix-and-Chill: v. an intimate gathering of two partners where a movie is put on and
then ignored as sexual activities are initiated, instead
Savage: n. similar to Fuck-Boy; one who is disrespectful, malicious, uncaring of
consequences, people, feelings, etc.; one who insults and offends others often; cruel;
previously hurt and now acting out
Squad: n. a clique of friends sharing a common identity and sense of cohesion; crew;
gang
Turn-up: v. (see Lit)
Violate: v. to verbally offend someone directly, blatantly, and disrespectfully
3.2 Results

Respondents are between the ages of 18 and 25a vast majority female; all respondents
realize a difference between dating and hooking-up. 83% prefer relationships over
hooking-up, and 28% of respondents are in a relationship currently.

The study reports that 78% of respondents do not easily trust new or prospective
interests; conversely, the same amount are comfortable with commitment.

More than half do not believe a relationship is necessary to practice monogamy.

65% of respondents have been with more than one partner at a time, holding one as more
significant.

Most respondents have or have had a Friend-with-Benefits (FWB). This type of

relationship entails a sexually intimate relationship between two romantic partners, with
no strings attached; however, a platonic bond is in place via either a friendship prior toor built during- hooking-up. Still, most respondents believe that a FWB is an
interchangeable term with a Booty Call, (where bonding is not established).

In asking respondents about the relative perfect date, most answers consisted of modest
and lighthearted activities (e.g. picnics, walks on the beach) to simply spend time with
current or prospective beau. The expectancy of sex was mentioned only once.
Nevertheless, 97% of respondents feel that sex is an expected element of the modern
dating culturethough not necessarily the principle element.

Most respondents report having a type, dating and hooking-up wise; however, only
18% say that all or most partners fit their type.

Social media has less of an impact on the hookup culture as a means of communication
between partners, and more as the platform where respondents scope out prospective
partners. Social media has a large part in dictating dating choices; more than half of
respondents feel that social media accurately depicts a users character. 87% of
respondents say that their interest in a partner can be swayed due to social media
appearance. Common things perused for include: pictures, hobbies, interests, personality,
sense of humor, online personas, squad, and others interactions with prospect.

Results show that most people go partying to have fun with their friends, dance and
drink. Alcohol and drugs (esp. marijuana) are used regularly when partying and getting
together with partners, friends, and in social gatherings, alike. 80% report using some

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form of substance, whether drugs or alcohol, when meeting with a current beau though
most do not feel it is essential.
4.

Discussion

As millennials, individualism and having a good time are main features of the culture
surrounding us. In having a good time, partying has become an ingrained normwhich means
drinking and drugging. The hookup culture is amalgamated with delusion and confusion because
of the high consumption of drugs and alcohol combined with customary practices (i.e. peeracceptance, and peer pressure); and with being lit and turning-up central of the dating culture,
people are seldom sober when congregating. Thus, miscommunication and misconceptions are
recurrent and unavoidable. This heavy partying phase is creating a haziness that has traveled
over to our dating customs, with part-time activities playing a full-time role.
Resultantly, casual sex has become dominantly practiced and the conservative attitude
regarding sex as restricted and reserved has subsided. With sex publically functioning as a
leading component of modern dating, and the presumed property of sexual intimacy; millennials
are lacking a sense of authentic communication, hindering proper relationship development.
Undeniably, sex is the goal in this hookup culturenot getting acquainted, and definitely not
establishing a connection. This disregard of connecting and communicating is complicating and
everything short of candid (though one would assume otherwise because of the plainspoken
nature concerning sex); the confusion of relationship standingsanother common occurrence of
the hookup culturecan be solely credited to this detached attitude in producing a lack of
understanding between two partners. Many times, partners refer to the same sexual situation with
two separate titles, and thus, envision separate ideas concerning the details of how the
relationship should function (as in the case of the interchangeability of FWB and the Booty-

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Call). Such ambiguity leads to messy relationships ending in broken hearts or aggrieved feelings;
not to forget the unintelligibility of genuine feelings from fabricated ones being that deceit,
denial, and falsification are also significant attributes of the hookup culture. Enter the reign of
the self-proclaimed Savage and ever-entitled Fuck-boy.
The unrestricted malice that characterize the two personas aforementioned is publically
known as insufferable, and a terrible and damaging experience to those that encounter them.
Accordingly, the modern dating scene is characterized by young adults plagued with trust issues
mostly attributed to bad dating experiences that often deepen insecurities and deter trust. In turn,
young people have adjourned the communication of genuine feelings in fear of looking weak
through showing vulnerability. (Its a cycle really; Person A endures a wounding relationship
and crippling break-up to then never deal with the pain and hurt inflicted, but moves on to Person
B nonetheless. Person A, and baggage, then shuts-out/plays-mind-games-with Person B
originating from the anxiety/paranoia of being taken advantage of. Cycle repeats.) However
understandable, such actions only further distort our reality and increase the gap in
communication.
Our active online lives are also vastly incorporated in the hookup culture. Social media
and other communicative sites have depersonalized the way we interact with each other; making
interactions impersonal and elusivepaired with the confidence-boost connecting behind a
screen offers, truthful and respectful communication is no longer required. Hookups are more
often than not initiated online, where actually knowing the prospect is even irrelevant! People are
finding online personas less trustworthy; and, people in general, subsequently. Additionally, the
ascent of the Squad and the need to portray just how tightly-knit and loyal said friend-group is,
via all social media platforms, have taken fitting in to new levels. This public allegiance

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swearing squad (and squad only!) as a supreme entity is skewing boundaries between true
bonding and adopting false characters to cement a united identity. Furthermore, these front-ers
are realizing these personas online and off, carrying such misrepresentations into the dating
world. Hence, unstable relationships and graver trust issues.
Conclusion
In this day and age just about everything gets lost in translation, but mostly because there
is little to no communication to even be interpreted (rather, misinterpreted). Many people keep
themselves closed off and sheltered, regardless of how intimate they've become with another
person. Everybody is afraid to get hurt, and some afraid of inadvertently giving up the
opportunity to get into additional prospects pants.
Conclusively, one thing is for suremillennials are only certain that there is a difference
between hooking-up and dating; however, we may not know how to separate hookup and dating
habits. As reported, people describe having trust issues, yet feel okay with commitment. But
when did commitment last stably without a defined relationship? And when did relationships
triumph without trust? Such obscurity can explain the high rate of concurrent relationship
activity reported. Monogamy, or the lack thereof, in a period lacking commitment has thus been
reworked to measure infidelity and honesty; and with sexbut no commitmentat the
forefront, conflict, misunderstandings, and heightened trust issues are consequential faults of this
scale. As a result, millennials are both afraid and clueless of intimacy, and developing and
maintaining genuine relationships.

References

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Sut, J. (Producer, Director). (2011). Understanding hookup culture: whats really happening on
college campuses [Motion picture]. (Available from media education foundation 60
Masonic St., Northampton, MA, 01060)
Young, J., & England, P. (n.d.). Understanding hookup culture: whats really happening on
college campuses study guide. Retrieved
from https://www.mediaed.org/assets/products/244/studyguide_244.pdf