TALK WITH ME ( Marriage Discussion)

Communication is a foundational element of all relationship.This is a mark of

maturity when you learn to seek to listen and speak to others. ( Proverbs 18:12-13 )
Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor. If one
gives an answer before he hears, it is folly and shame. Peter Drucker, Father of
American Management, claims that 60 percent of all management problems are a
result of faulty communication. A leading marriage counselor says that at least half
of all divorces result from faulty communication between spouses. A criminologists
tell us that upwards of 90 percent of all criminals have difficulty communicating with
other people. A good behavior of a relationship is the quality of good
communication.

HUMILITY: The Key to Good Communication

a. The essence of good communication is humility that will cause you to put another
foundation.
b. As God-fearers we should already have this in our hearts.( Philippians 2:3-4 )
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more
significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but
also to the interests of others.
c. The key to a happy marriage is not finding the perfect mate but rather finding
one who has the kind of heart to face problems and work them out. ( Proverbs
22:4 ) The reward for humility and fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.

FOUR STAGES OF DECAY IN A RELATIONSHIP

Stage 1 : Mutual needs are met.
Stage 2 : Mutual needs are ignored by one or both.
Stage 3: Mutual needs are demanded to be met by one or both.
Stage 4: The relationship ends.
These are some questions to be discussed with your spouse.
a. Why do some couples choose not to communicate to each other?
b. For effective communication to take place, what must be in the hearts of every
couple?

c. Why do some put off communicating about serious issues / matters? What
happens when this happens?
d. What are some basic differences between men and women while
communicating?
e. What are the things that can change in a marriage over time that requires
continual communication?

WHY LEARN TO COMMUNICATE?

a. It does not communicate naturally.
b. There are significant differences between men and women.
c. The natural way of the world is to be self-centered and demand that your needs
be met.
d. It is easy to give up on your spouse and write them off or get angry and quit on
trying.
Proverbs 18:2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing
his opinion.
Proverbs 17:16 Why should a fool have money in his hand to buy wisdom when he
has no sense?
James 3:15-16 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but earthly,
unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be
disorder and every vile practice.

COMMUNICATION BASICS
a. Make time for communication.Look carefully at your life and see how you spend
your time together. We really do have time, however we may lack the commitment.(
Ephesians 5:15-16) Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise,
making the best use of time, because the days are evil.
b. Learn to listen. We must control our emotions and not become defensive. ( James
1:19-21) Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to
anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore
put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the
implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
c. Practice the basics of love.If you use their faults as a weapon against another or if
you cannot control your tongue with others, then people will not be open to
you.Women can make a terrible mistake here in how they openly talk about their
husband.Husband also need to show that they are trustworthy.

I Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not
arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it
does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things,
believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Proverbs 11:12-13 Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense,but a man of
understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but
he who trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
Proverbs 13:16 In everything the prudent acts with knowledge, but a fool flaunts
his folly.
d. We must follow God's order of leadership. Here we show faith in God. Why should
husbands humble and listen to their wives? God is your head and a witness to your
actions.
I Corinthians 11:3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is
Christ, the head of the wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
Ephesians 5:22-23 Wives, submit to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body,
and is himself its Savior.
Malachi 2:14 But you say, " Why does he not ?" Because the Lord was witness
between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though
she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

POINTS TO BE DISCUSS WITH YOUR SPOUSE

1. What is more important in communication: talking or listening?
2. How does love of God change how we communicate?
3. Make a list of things that hinder communication.
4. How can you deepen communication with your spouse?