Maisie Trumps Carnival for Hapless Children: Revised 2005 Employee Handbook

Welcome to Maisie Trumps Carnival for Hapless Children! As one of the few successful
candidates of the screening and selection process, we expect you to be fully committed to your
new job. Attached is the updated 2005 Employee Handbook. Please read all rules thoroughly
and indicate agreement by signing in the space provided. A mandatory staff orientation will be
held this January 12. More information will be sent later this month.
Note: As official employee, you are strictly prohibited from revealing the specifics of your
job and the contents of this document. Violators of this rule will be heavily prosecuted.
Admission, Hours, and Mission
1.) Admission to the Carnival is final and cannot be revoked: once a child is admitted,
they have unimpeded right of access to the Carnival for up to THREE (3) nights.
2.) Any child that has cried themselves1 to sleep more than THREE (3) times in the past
7 days is eligible for admission.2
3.) The Carnival is in operation from 9 PM to 4 AM, SEVEN (7) days of the week. The
Carnival does not operate for naps under ONE (1) hour.
4.) For head injuries/coma operation hours, see the Carnivals Special Cases Handbook.
5.) The Carnival travels with global time zones.
6.) As of 2005, lucid dreamers are officially banned from Carnival grounds. Should a
child exhibit signs of Lucid Dreaming (see: Lucid Dreamers), Emergency Services
should be dialed at once, and the Carnival will be shut down immediately.

1 And/or experienced sniffles, wobbly jaw, sinking chest, closed throat or lump in throat.
2 Allergy symptoms fitting the above criteria are exceptions.

7.) The Carnival exists solely for children; it serves the grieving, lonely, stricken, abused,
or otherwise hapless.
Management of Dream Quality
1.) Dream Quality is key to customer satisfaction.
2.) Dream Permanence and Vividness are managed in room 216 of the Carnivals
Control Center3. Respective toggles are labeled in English and color coded.
3.) For optimal satisfaction upon waking, Dream Permanence is to be kept at 3 at all
times. This allows for a suitably hazy sense of satisfaction upon waking. In the case of
particularly active or enthusiastic carnival-goers, Dream Permanence may be lowered
to 2.
4.) Dream Vividness is to be kept between 4 and 7 at all times. Dream Vividness varies
nightly. It depends on average customers quality of waking life and is determined by
the Carnivals Yamaha Panaluna 6, located in room 220 of the Control Center.
Employees are to note the number produced by the Panaluna 6 at 8 PM, and toggle
Dream Vividness to that number, or as close as they can get. Note: employees are
expressedly prohibited from adjustments below 4 or over 7. Violators of this rule will be fired.
Guardians
1.) Dream Guardians serve as mentors, companions, and tour guides. Dream Guardians
help to introduce the child to the many opportunities and facilities of the Carnival.
Dream Guardians should be attentive, kind, energetic, and familiar.
2.) Every child is required to have a Dream Guardian.

3

located behind the elephant arena in the adobe building.

3.) Dream Guardian roles include: Beaming Aunt, Warm Uncle, Kind Substitute
Teacher, Mustachioed4 Wizard, Hagrid, Old Woman At the End of the Lane, Local
Mayor, Sultan of India, Cute Boy, Cute Girl, Willy Wonka, and Talking Beagle. For
the full list of Guardian roles and variations, see the attached Guardian Handbook.5
To apply as dream guardian, contact Human Resources.
4.) As of 2005, the role of Ice Cream Truck Driver Guardian has been terminated.
5.) Child and Guardian should never be separated; Dream Guardians should be aware of
their assigned childs location at all times. Should a child go missing in the Carnival,
Emergency Services should be dialed at once, and the Carnival will be shut down
immediately.
Lucid Dreaming
1.) Lucid Dream (n.): Any dream in which one is aware that one is dreaming; a dream state
in which one is conscious enough to recognize that one is in the dream and which
stays in ones memory.
2.) Lucid Dreamers can often consciously control or change the elements of their dream.
3.) As of 2005, Lucid Dreamers are officially banned from Carnival grounds.
4.) Signs of lucid dreamers include: visible suspicion and unhappiness, unorthodox
manipulation of Carnival materials (e.g. climbing into the chimera pit,) resistance or
aggression towards a guardian, or evasion of guardian supervision. Should any guardian
lose contact with their child, Emergency Services should be dialed at once, and the Carnival will be
shut down immediately.

4 Not bearded.

The talking beagles seasonal variations traditionally include gamboling black kitten and neon
rabbit. The full lineup is pending and will be released at the march board meeting.
5

5.) Note: Having the Dream Vividness toggle set below 4 or over 7 can elicit lucid
dreaming.
Rides
1.) Rides should be monitored carefully at ALL times (sign-up sheets are available at
Human Resources.)
2.) As of 2005, ALL rides are required to be monitored by a minimum of TWO (2)
employees6.
3.) If a child appears on top of a ride, the ride should be immediately shut down, and
Emergency Services should be dialed at once.
4.) As of 2005, children are prohibited from being out of their seats.
5.) As of 2005, children are prohibited from hanging on, standing up on, or climbing up
or down the Ferris Wheel.
6.) Should a child be observed behaving in such a way (i.e. climbing infrastructure or
tampering with rides,) this is a potential sign of Lucid Dreaming7; staff should be
waiting to immediately collect him/her from the rides when he/she reaches ground.
Emergency Services should be dialed at once, and the Carnival will be shut down
immediately.
7.) If staff loses sight of the child in the crowd, Emergency Services should be dialed at
once, and the Carnival will be shut down immediately.

6 Kraken-back rides, the hoverboard track, and Hurricane Room are higher-maintenance and should be
monitored by a minimum of THREE (3) employees at all times.
7 See: Lucid Dreaming

Food & Drink

1.) All food and drink facilities8 should be inspected at 10 PM, 1 AM, and 3 AM (sign-up
sheets are available at Human Resources.)
2.) River Maintenance: The Peppermint Lagoon and Hot Chocolate River follow their
own upkeep schedules and are inspected by managers. (For River Inspection Hours,
see the Manager Handbook.) Swedish fish, native to the Hot Chocolate River, must
be fed every fortnight; feed and feeding instructions are both available in the
Carnivals Control Center.
3.) As of 2005, a maximum of SIX (6) bubble-gum balloons are permitted to be
purchased at one time.
4.) Should more than SIX (6) bubble-gum balloons be chewed at once, the procedure is
such: 1.) grab calf, 2.) pin child gently to floor using methods discussed in Orientation,
and 3.) pop balloon.
5.) If child is out of reach of staffers, do not panic: careful monitoring of his/her
whereabouts while the balloon slowly deflates is sufficient.
6.) If child appears to be drifting out of bounds (e.g. the rides area,) Emergency Services
should be dialed at once, and the Carnival will be shut down immediately.
Crafting Area
1.) More artistically-minded children may be inclined to visit the Crafting Area.

8 The tater tot bar and gummy worm pit require specialty maintenance and polishing, and should thus be
ignored.

2.) The Crafting Area is home to many magical arts and sciences, including but not
limited to: pottery, window-frosting9, soothsaying, charm-crafting, and weaponforging.
3.) The Crafting Area is also home to many magical creatures, including but not limited
to: witches, wizards, fairies, gnomes, and dwarves.
4.) Children carrying steel weapons or armor out of the forges are to be informed
verbally10 of the rules concerning their new creations:
a. Steel weapons are to be used in the play pen only, and only against the
armored.
b. Steel armor is not immune to gravity, fire, or the Carnival train.
c. Steel armor is immune to every Carnival animal, save for the chimera.
However, children are discouraged from testing their armor out on any
animal, as a matter of principle.
5.) Note: as of 2005, forge-safety posters will also be posted at every doorway of the forge.
Animal Exhibits
1.) The Carnival prides itself on its large collection of exotic animals.
2.) These animals include but are not limited to: lemurs, lions, elephants, monkeys,
phoenixes, mermaids, Holiday Elves11, baby dragons, dolphins, and Pegasi.12
3.) All weapons and arms are banned from the animal exhibits.

9 Only available during winter months.
Available seasonally.
Only Pegasi under 800 pounds are available; older Pegasi or larger foals cannot be maintained. Pegasi
weighing in at over 800 pounds should be reported to the Zoo Control Tower.
11
12

4.) To lock or unlock an animal enclosure for cleaning, visit the Zoo Control Tower,
located next to the water tower, behind the Pegasi; enclosures can be locked or
unlocked with the TEAL button panel. Buttons are labeled and color-coded (see chart
on wall.)
5.) Animal enclosures should NEVER be opened outside of Cleaning Hours (4:30 AM
6 AM, 7:30 PM9 PM). Violators of this rule will be fired.
6.) As of 2005, a guard must be sitting in the Zoo Control Tower at all times.
7.) As of 2005, anyone suspicious (including children) found loitering near the Zoo
Control Tower must be escorted away immediately.
8.) Anyone outside of a Carnival employee found inside the tower is exhibiting signs of
lucid dreaming. Emergency Services should be dialed at once, and the Carnival will
be shut down immediately.
9.) Note: When cleaning aquarium tanks, be careful and leave minimal traces; the Loch
Ness Monster, though a deep dweller, is highly territorial and will charge if it
encounters a visitor in its tank.13
10.)Note: Do not release the dragons and phoenixes at the same time; though their
enclosures are far apart, once they meet in the air they become highly territorial as
well and WILL resort to defending themselves with fire. As of 2005, employee
training sessions have been added addressing the intervention and de-escalation of fire
fights. If situation continues to escalate, see: In Case Of.
11.)Note: As of 2005, the fence surrounding the chimera pit has been further reinforced
and heightened to 10 feet.

13
For information on handling the charging Loch Ness, attend Orientation or consult the Carnivals
Animal Care Handbook.

In Case Of
1. In case of sudden breach in animal enclosure security, stay calm and obey the
following:
a.) STAFF IN ZONE A: Link arms surrounding the Zoo Control Tower
immediately; do not let potential perpetrators escape. Two managers must
enter and scope out the building. It is entirely possible that an enclosure has
been opened by human error. In this case, punishments range from a steep
fine to immediate dismissal from the Carnival.
b.) STAFF IN ZONE B: Report to the chimera pit immediately. During the
ensuing chaos, children may fall or jump in. The pit must be manually closed
off and the chimera corralled. (ADD FOOTNOTES HERE.)
c.) STAFF IN ZONE C: Try to mitigate chaos. Guide the children into the
orange grove to wait. Emergency Services should be dialed at once, and the
Carnival will be shut down immediately.
2.) In case of mermaid-Loch Ness Contact, dial Environmental Catastrophe Services. Do
not jump in to try to solve the situation yourself. The situation cannot be mitigated.
3.) In case of dragon-phoenix contact, see Animal Exhibits. In case of dragon-phoenix
contact that has escalated past mitigation, begin to corral the children into the orange
grove and proceed to step 4.
4.) In case of fire, stay calm. Dial Emergency Services and Environmental Catastrophe
Services. Follow procedures discussed in Orientation to collect children and maintain
order and safety.
5.) In case of death, see Trauma.

Trauma
1.) Trauma on the Carnival grounds is a rare and unfortunate thing.
2.) In cases of injury, insult, or provoked fear, the Carnival tries its best to ameliorate
results. Guardians are trained to minimize fear and avoid hard situations.
3.) In the case of death, however, the Carnival can make no amends. Dream trauma is
temporary; dream death is not.
4.) In case of death in the dragon arena, griffin arena, or chimera pit, the body should be
removed immediately; dragons, griffins, and chimeras can become ill on child flesh.
Notes
1.) Arrive at the Carnival at 8 PM to begin work. Up to THREE (3) absences are allowed
per month.14
2.) Emergency Services number is 662. Dial this with your cell phone or pocket
dispatcher device.
3.) Environmental Catastrophe Services number is 773. Dial this with your cell phone or
pocket dispatcher device.
4.) Consumer satisfaction is not guaranteed.
I have read and fully understand the agreements, rules, and regulations described above. I vow to never
reveal details of employment, the Carnival, or its rules & regulations. I am aware that any behavior contrary to the
guidelines cited above may result in disciplinary action or dismissal from the Carnival.

14 For help on arriving regularly, see attached pamphlet on self-hypnotism and lucid dreaming. The
Carnival also has attached a list of recommended sleep practitioners, sleep therapists, and hypnotists.