Stafford as an Elegist: Attempting to Understand His Grief

Elissa Herber
According to Kim Stafford, William Stafford used to simply say, Sometimes the world
reaches out a paw (200). Sometimes, this paw comes in the form of the death of someone
close to us. There are several ways to handle grief, depending on who the person is outside of
this loss. In William Staffords case, when he experienced loss, he did what many other poet
before him have done: he wrote. Since this writing was inspired by his grief following the deaths
of his brother, father, and son, many are considered elegy poems. Stafford, in general, is difficult
to define within a specific realm of poetry because he often fits some molds, while breaking
others. In terms of his elegies and poems with elegiac themes, Stafford both fits the traditional
molds of elegies in some poems, while he tests the limits of the elegiac mold in others.
According to The New Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics, an elegy is a short
poem, usually formal or ceremonious in tone and diction, occasioned by the death of a person
(322). It explains that it is difficult to discuss the origin and development of the elegy because
the definition has changed so much as Western poetry has developed (322). The idea of being
difficult to define is an especially fitting problem when it is related to Stafford because while
Lois Simpson tries to define Stafford as a poet of nature (6), Peter Stitt wants to define
Stafford as a wisdom poet (175). The New Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics also
explains that the other problem that arises in defining elegy poetry is a result of elegies of the
past century[that] have reflected the modern skepticism about idealization or consolation
(324). Throughout several of Staffords books and collections, we can see the way in which his

elegies fit the definition of a more formal poem inspired by the loss of a loved one while he also
hints at his skepticism about the conventions of grief.
The Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics also defines the several functions that
elegy poems serve. Overall, they serve as a way to lament, praise, and console and also allow
for responses to the experience of loss (324). Looking closer at how to categorize elegy poems,
lament is to express grief or deprivation, praise is the process of idealizing the deceased and
preserving her or his memory among the living, and consolation is finding solace in meditation
on natural continuances or on moral, metaphysical, and religious values (324). Looking at
Staffords more overt elegy poems, one can see the ways in which each poem fits into a specific
function of the elegy poem as described in The Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics.
Looking at Staffords personal life, we can follow the events that lead up to the creation
of his elegies. More specifically, we know that many of Staffords early elegies were inspired by
the death of his father and his brother, Bob. Both Staffords father and Bob continue to appear
throughout his later collections that include elegy poems, but Passwords appears to be mostly
based on his grief over his son, Brets, death. The elegies related to Brets death seem darker in a
way, with Staffords grief much more palpable through is words. Kim Stafford explained that
when his father came home following Brets death, he retreated to his studyand then could
not bring himself to sit with us at the memorial (198). William Staffords refusal to discuss
Brets death caused his family to hardly speak directly about what had happened (199). Kim
explains that while his father refused to talk about the circumstances of Brets death, he
discovered that William Stafford could confide in friends far away and that He wrote poems
about Bret that they came across as time passed, some appearing long after William Staffords

death (200). There is no doubt that this was a difficult time in Staffords life, and that is clearly
depicted in the elegies of Passwords.
Kim Stafford defines Brets death as the moment when William Staffords courage died
(200). On some level, it is possible that William Stafford felt responsible for Brets suicide in
some way, and Kim explains that this sense of responsibility or feeling of failing his son caused
him to force Brets death to that placewhere the deepest failures cling together with a
crippling weight (202). Kim conjectures that Brets death brought back the death of our
fathers own brother Bob, who took his own life more slowly with alcohol (202). This made his
grieving process more difficult because Bobs was a loss for which my father my have felt as
helpless, as mystified, and in his own mind as directly implicated (202). What Kim is trying to
say is that because William Stafford felt just as responsible for the death of Bob, he felt even
more responsible for the death of his son, Bret, in some way. Kim also explains that William
Staffords feelings must have been overwhelming, much like Brets, but instead of using a
bullet, William Stafford chose silence, distance, a spiral inward to brood and to blame himself
(204). However, while William Stafford might have used silence to cope around his family, he
used his words and poetry to cope by himself.
As with any loss, we can relate to the common clich that time heals all wounds,
especially with the loss of someone to which we are particularly attached, and Judith Kitchen
explains that this is also the case with William Stafford. Passwords was published in 1991, three
years after Brets death in 1988. This is the first mass publication of Staffords elegy poems that
all directly relate to Brets death in some way, or conveys Staffords overwhelming grief.
Kitchen conjectures that the reason for the three-year lull between Brets death and the
publication of Passwords allowed Stafford the distance of time so that he was able to come

closer to the event (98). Kitchen takes a close look at the format that Stafford chose to use to
shape Passwords. She explains that the shift in the tone of the collection comes about with
Staffords open naming of Bret (98). In creating a section of Passwords especially for his
elegies, Stafford is able to relegate poems about his [Brets] death to this section (98). While it
is easy to say that Stafford didnt publish Passwords until three years later because he needed
time to gain perspective, we must also not neglect the fact that he was a grieving father. The
small number of elegies across his entire lifes work are spread out across long periods of time,
but eventually we see his grief come full force in Passwords.
Looking at Staffords works as a whole, we can see elegies appearing throughout his
collections. His book, Passwords, published in 1991 obviously has the largest collection of
elegies, which is proved by the fact that there is an entire section dedicated to them. In these
poems, Stafford only provides names in the poems Long Distance and Consolations.
However, the names in these poems are either people weve never heard about in Staffords
previous poems, or they include the names of his entire family. As previously pointed out, it
seems as though most of these elegies focus on Brets death, and the grief that Stafford
experienced after. There is some obvious skepticism over the conventions of grief, and bitterness
about life, which allows us to make the assumption that Stafford avoids using Brets name in
these poems because he doesnt want Bret directly associated with his skepticism or bitterness.
His 1992 book, Sometimes I Breathe also includes an elegy for Bret, but we also see an
elegy for Bob, his brother. In these elegies, Stafford puts their names or their relationship to him
in the titles, but their names dont appear within the poems. Specifically, the elegy for Bob is
titled At the Grave of my Brother: Bomber Pilot while his elegy for Bret is titled A Memorial:
Son Bret. The elegy about Bob is an obvious elegy of praise for Staffords brother, and Brets

elegy is a combination of an elegy of lament and elegy of praise. These elegies, unlike the
elegies of Passwords, have no skepticism or bitterness. While we can see Staffords grief very
clearly in the elegy section of Passwords, these poems are heartbreakingly elegiac, showing
Staffords pure longing for these two men to be back in his life.
A Memorial: Son Bret appeared in Sometimes I Breathe (1992), and gives us an up
close look into the grief that Stafford experienced following Brets death. This elegy differs from
the elegies of Passwords in that there is no skepticism about consolation or the socially
constructed grieving process. Instead, A Memorial: Son Bret shows the blame that Stafford put
on himself for Brets death. As Kim Stafford points out, it is entirely possible that William
Stafford felt like he failed Bret in some way (202). William Staffords sense of blame is
especially apparent in the stanza in which he says:
You turned to me once to tell me something
but then you glimpsed a shadow on my face
and maybe thought, Why tell what hurts?
You carried it, my boy, so brave, so far. (12-15)
In lines 12 through 14, we can see that Stafford feels like he is to blame because Bret
didnt feel comfortable talking to him about the difficult parts of his life. Stafford regrets that
Bret glimpsed a shadow on his face, because several sources, and even other elegies Stafford
wrote, explain or hint at the fact that Bret was constantly thinking of others, he didnt want to
burden his father. Kim even sees the blame that William Stafford puts on himself for Brets
death, explaining that while pain resonates in the words that William Staffords writing on the
page is steady, pouring out his accusation of himself (204). Kim picks up on his fathers
comment about Bret seeing a shadow on his face by saying that the shadow of my brothers

death never quite left our fathers face (205). Kim, and even William Stafford both recognize
that there will always be parts of themselves that will feel at fault for not saving Bret before he
killed himself, despite the fact that there is nothing they can do now except write about him.
Another elegiac feature of A Memorial: Son Bret is Staffords praise of his son. The
poem opens on In the way you went you were important (1). This is a difficult line to
understand, considering the circumstances of his death. At the same time, this could be
Staffords way to defend his son from those who looked down on Bret for committing suicide.
Despite the perceptions of those around them, Stafford is writing this elegy to say that his son
was important. Bret was important in that he mattered to his family, and despite the fact that Bret
might have felt alone, he wasnt. Stafford follows this by saying I do not know what you found
(2). This can hold several meanings; one meaning being that Stafford doesnt understand what
Bret was looking for through his suicide, but in his non-direct habit is essentially saying that he
hopes Bret finds what he needs. Another interpretation of line 2 could also turn the elegy into not
only an elegy of praise for Bret, but also Staffords meditation on death. We can easily interpret
I do not know what you found (2) as Stafford saying he doesnt know what comes after death,
and the ambiguity that it holds for everyone.
Stafford begins to conclude the poem by commenting on the continuation of life after
Brets death. Now we have all the days, and the sun/goes by the same (16) communicates that
Stafford is just passing time, and doesnt see anything extraordinary in the days that do pass. The
final line of the poem The bees, the wind (21) is based on Staffords memories of Kim and
Bret growing up, according to Kim Stafford. Kim explains that while they were learning to talk,
the two boys had a nonsensical language that they both understood and used. Kim essentially
says that this final line was most likely created based on a nonsensical conversation William

Stafford overheard Kim having with Bret. Stafford doesnt want to end the poem focused on the
depressing quality of the monotony of days passing after Brets death, instead choosing to return
to a fond memory in order to finish the poem.
On the other end of the spectrum of Staffords elegies, Crossing our Campground from
Theres a Thread You Follow (1993) is far less uplifting than A Memorial: Son Bret.
Compared to A Memorial: Son Bret, this is an elegy of lament. Part of the time when I move
its for Bret (1-2) makes the first line, and gives readers the sad realization that Stafford feels
like the only reason to continue is to live his life in honor of Bret, instead of himself. For a man
who so strongly advises his readers to live their lives fully, this poem serves as a stark contrast to
communicate the grief he is experiencing. When Stafford says This is for you, Bret, I think (5)
we arent sure if Stafford is referencing that this poem is for Bret, or his attempts to move on
with life are for Bret.
Despite the sense of longing for Bret that Stafford is attempting to communicate through
this poem, Kitchen points out that the poem as a whole is tinged with an implied reproach (99).
Looking specifically at the second stanza, we see that the reproach Kitchen references shouldnt
be considered so much of an angry reproach, rather, a regretful reproach.
This is for you, Bret, I think; this
is the way an old man walks who still
stays vigorous and strong, firm, alert,
holding on through the years for you --

The kind of old man you could be,

or could have been. (5-10)

This excerpt gives us the sense that Stafford is bitter over the fact that he is growing old,

while Bret is not. As previously pointed out, this isnt an angry feeling of reproach. Stafford
regrets that he is not able to see his son grow old. He imagines that the way in which he is aging,
or has aged over the years, is similar to the way in which Bret would have aged. However,
Stafford recognizes that Bret will never get this opportunity, and is obviously upset over the fact.
In comparison to A Memorial: Son Bret and many of his other elegies, this particular elegy is
considerably more dark than others. There is no sense of hope that Stafford usually goes out of
his way to instill in his readers, which comes as a shock to those who know his writing style.
While he attempts to show the truth of situations in his poetry, he typically attempts to offer
some sort of consolation.
In terms of consolation, however, Stafford offers very little in his elegies. His parents
raised him to question everything, no matter what, and death, along with grief, is something that
he willingly takes on in his elegies. Going On is a good example of Staffords questioning of
death. According to Kitchen, The final stanza seems, on the surface, to have found a degree of
acceptance (89).
Easy world, you gave it once -please quietly welcome it back
that hand. (9-11)
On the surface, we can interpret this stanza as Stafford appealing to a higher power,
pointing out that since it gave life before, it also has the power to bring that life back. From this
interpretation, we could assume that this might have been a thought that Stafford had after
learning about Brets death, or when he sees Brets body at the memorial service. Hes dwelling
on the bargaining stage of grief in asking for Brets life back. On the other hand, another

interpretation that can be seen is that Stafford is asking a higher power not for his son to come
back to life, but instead begging for him to have eternal life now that he is dead. If we are to
accept this interpretation, it indicates that Stafford finds a certain level of comfort in religious
values, despite the terrible events he with which he is trying to cope.
On the furthest end of the spectrum, readers have a difficult time accepting the other two
interpretations, solely due to the fact that Stafford addresses the Easy world (9). Kitchen
explains, the word easy betrays an underlying skepticism. To support this claim she
elaborates There is nothing easy about the world or death as Stafford represents them (89).
This is an understandable interpretation because death proves to us that life is not an easy thing
to experience. Further, the idea that there is an underlying meaning to this poem speaks to the
sense that we all experience these feelings after we lose someone close to us. While we put up a
front of accepting the loss, we are left with a sense of emotional turbulence below the surface.
While Brets death leaves Staffords life in emotional chaos, his fathers death long
before Brets appears to have left him much more settled. The elegy poems that Stafford writes
about his father are much more straightforward, and dont require the reader to consider any
underlying meanings. Fathers Voice is a good example of an elegy or praise written by
Stafford about this father that proves the important role he played in Staffords life. The poem
opens with a quote we can only assume Stafford remembers as something his father told him:
No need to get home early;/the car can see in the dark (1-2). This sounds like the type of
fatherly advice that we would expect a father to give his son when he is young, and by including
this quote in the elegy poem Stafford is communicating the influence his father had on his life.
The second stanza proves that the wisdom Staffords father provided him was valued, no
matter how useless it seemed at the time.

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And always that was his gift,
given for me ever since
easy gift, a wind
that keeps on blowing for flowers
or birds whenever I look.

We can interpret this stanza as saying that his fathers advice is a gift that his father gave him,
even after his death. A wind/that keeps on blowing for flowers/or birds whenever I look
implies that when Stafford is specifically trying to remember advice his father gave him in the
past, it will come to him, no matter how long it has been. Staffords fathers advice is timeless to
him, and he often returns to it in order to help him navigate life.
George S. Lensing and Ronald Moran discuss Staffords use of his father in their
exploration of poets who employ emotive imagination. They point out that in Staffords poems
about his father, the father is always regarded from the point of view as the son has survived
him, but who continues to look to him as preceptor and guide (187). Throughout several of
Staffords poems relating to his father, it is easy to see that Stafford holds his fathers opinion in
high regards. As Lensing and Moran put it, Stafford paints his father in a heroic light in his
poems (187). Stafford and his father are very similar in the respect that both men have lost a son
to things well beyond their own control, but they still hold themselves responsible for the deaths
they experience. This fact could be the basis for why Stafford takes Brets death so hard and
spends so much time writing about Brets death.
Lensing and Moran also draw attention to Staffords use of we and explain that in
using a collective we, Stafford universalizes his own experiences (179). Using this claim to
specifically analyze the elegies of Passwords, Long Distance is only one poem in which

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Stafford uses we. However, the problem that occurs in applying Lensing and Morans claim is
that the we references Staffords family, because he then goes on to specifically name his
family members throughout the rest of the poem. The most likely reason for why Stafford
chooses not to use his universal we in his elegies is because death is a very personal
experience. He can speak for his experiences with death, but he cant speak for the experiences
of others. While we might be able to relate to his experiences on a certain level, that isnt to say
that all readers will understand his point of view. Instead, Stafford is just trying to explain to
readers what he is going through himself, without trying to force his experience on someone else.
He most likely understands that there is no perfect way to grieve.
Considering the Elegy section of Passwords contains poems directly relating to death
or the grieving process, one would assume that this would be the most depressing collection of
poems possible. As Kitchen explains, Stafford fails to conquer fear or death in this section
(89). However, despite having no elegiac poems that contain any sense of consolation, Stafford
leaves us with two big consolation poems at the end of the Elegy section. Listening Around
emphasizes the continuation of life after death. Yes is an immanentist poem by all means
considering the fact that Stafford is telling us that life is short. Anything - or has Stafford says,
It - can happen at any time. Death can fall upon us without any warning, and Stafford wants us
to live life to the fullest. He shows this in saying,
But some bonuses, like morning
like right now, like noon,
like evening. (7-9)
There is always something more for us to be thankful for that outweighs our grief. Stafford just
wants us to take the time to slow down and recognize it.

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The world hands us several paws throughout our lives in the form of deaths. Stafford is

one of so many examples of someone who used their grief to improve their art. Staffords elegy
poems are heartfelt and will, at times, bring you to tears when youre reading them at two in the
morning. Despite the fact that so many scholars are frustrated by the fact that Stafford cant be
cleanly placed within a specific realm or genre of poetry, its okay that he doesnt completely fit
into the elegiac genre. Stafford breaks the mold of the elegy by either clearly stating his
skepticism, or he gives the elegies several meanings that appear as the perfect elegy on the
surface, but are skeptical under the surface. No matter how strongly Stafford may have felt about
his tear-jerking elegies, he didnt want to leave his readers of the Elegy section of Passwords
without hope. Stafford always leaves us with some sort hope, no matter how unconventional it
may appear.

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Works Cited
Elegy. The New Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics. Ed. Alex Preminger and
T.V.F. Brogan. Print.
Kitchen, Judith. World Please Note. Writing the World: Understanding William Stafford. Ed.
Judith Kitchen. Oregon: Oregon UP, 1999. 87-100. Print.
Lensing, George S. and Ronald Moran. Four Poets and the Emotive Imagination: Robert Bly,
James Wright, Louis Simpson, and William Stafford. Baton Rouge: Louisiana UP, 1976.
179-187. Print.
Simpson, Louis. Important and Unimportant Poems. On William Stafford: The Worth of Local
Things. Ed. Tom Andrews. Ann Arbor: The University of Michigan Press, 1995. 5-6.
Print.
Stafford, Kim. The Lost Child. Early Morning. Ed. St. Paul: Graywolf Press, 2002. 194-205.
Print.
Stafford, William. A Memorial: Son Bret. The Way It Is. Ed. St. Paul: Graywolf Press, 1998.
15. Print.
Stafford, William. Crossing our Campground. The Way It Is. Ed. St. Paul: Graywolf Press,
1998. 37. Print.
Stafford, William. Fathers Voice. The Way It Is. Ed. St. Paul: Graywolf Press, 1998. 123.
Print.

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Stafford, William. Passwords. New York: Harper Perennial, 1991. 59-72. Print.
Stitt, Peter. William Staffords Wilderness Quest. Ed. Tom Andrews. Ann Arbor: The
University of Michigan Press, 1995. 175. Print.