Bride & Bridegroom Manual

Bride & Bridegroom Manual
From Engagement to Marriage
Book: Bride & Bridegroom Manual (From Engagement to Marriage)

The Author: Sheikh Dr. Akram Barakat
Publisher: Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wan-Nashr
(As-Siraj House for Culture and Publishing)
First Edition: Beirut, 2014 AD - 1435 AH
Special thanks go to translator Fouad Rustom

All Rights Reserved
From Engagement to Marriage
Author
Sheikh Dr. Akram Barakat
In the name of Allah,

the Most Gracious,
the Most Merciful
A Series of Al Qaem Pulpit Sermons
These issues address the needs of society

and explain the program leading man to
happiness in both worlds.
Sheikh Akram Barakat discussed these
subjects from Al Qaem pulpit in Beiruts
southern suburb, after which he made
them available in writing in the hope
they will earn your satisfaction.
In the name of Allah
The Holy Quran: Ar-Rm (The Romans),

chapter 30, verse 21
Introduction
There have been many texts addressing marriage in
the context of cultural awareness. Questions continued
to arrive from people searching for answers that
address the actual needs of the spouses. They hoped
that these answers would not be related to theories in
general accomplishing some satisfaction on one hand,
and injecting the problem with anesthetic on the other
hand, without providing the proper solutions to these
problems.
In order to challenge these questions, I came up with
an idea, addressing the audience in sermons during
Ramadan 1431 AH from the al Qaem pulpit, which was
an attempt to find answers to these questions. Hence, I
phrased these sermons by referring to religion and its
sources as well as wisdom and experience instead of
traditionally giving straight answers that can be found
in the existing religious script.
The next step for me was to incorporate these
attempts within this small book, with a preference

that the book be confined merely to the guidance that
is required from the time of proposal to the time of
the very first days that follow the couples wedding.
I hope that another book will succeed later discussing
guidance on marital life coupled with its rights, ethics,
and solutions to its problems.
This book is addressed to bachelors as well as

engaged and newly married couples. The book that will
succeed later will address married people who passed
the previous stages of engagement.
My aim is not conducting a scientific search; instead,
it is answers to the questions of my children in order
to guide them along the path of life. Perhaps, this will
contribute to achieving the aspired happiness, asking
the almighty Allah to accept our service.
Sheikh Akram Barakat
From Bachelorhood to Marriage

The Percentage of Bachelors
Many statistics agree that the average ages of men
who marry in Lebanon is thirty one. The Lebanese
Ministry of Social Affairs with the cooperation of the
Central Statistics Administration and the International
Labor Organization as well as the UN Development
Program conducted a study in 2007 that was titled
as, The National Study for the Living Situation of
Families. The study included in its first chapter a
dissection of the Lebanese demographic reality. It also
detailed the rates of bachelorhood for males according
to age, category and geographic zone.
The study estimated the percentage of bachelorhood
for males between the ages of 30 and 34 at 46.5%.
This percentage varied depending on the geographic
regions.(1)
(1) Al-Akhbar newspaper, issue 1086, April 09, 2010
Reasons for Bachelorhood

This section is part of aquerythat was conducted by
a Lebanese newspaper and was titled, The Unmarried
Men. It opens the door for us to look into the true
reasons behind the increasing bachelorhood. Let us
begin discussing the reasons behind their bachelorhood.
These reasons will vary according to the diversified
views and dissimilar circumstances.
What are the reasons behind bachelorhood?
10
1- Freedom
Why should I get married? Bachelorhood is much
better because it keeps me free.
2- Peace of Mind
Are you asking me to get married and cause my
mind to become occupied with other issues whereas I
feel free as a bachelor?
3- Escaping Responsibility
Bachelorhood is so sweet compared to marriage
that will render me responsible for others.
4- Godliness
I am afraid of marriage because it might distract me
from my worship of Allah. Besides, it might involve

me in committing sins by ill-treating my wife and
children.
5- Financial Status
My financial status does not allow me to get
married.
6- Lack of Required Qualities
I cannot find the qualities that I require in my life
partner.
The above remarks might summarize the key reasons
behind mans desire to maintain his bachelorhood and
avoid marriage. We must investigate these reasons at
the court of wisdom based on the judgment of religion.
Discussion Rule
Prior to discussing the aforementioned reasons, we
must agree on the cornerstone and the bond through
which we can reach our convictions. Moreover, by
reviewing the logic of wisdom apart from religion
we can notice that the wise person will set a goal for
each of his movements. However, a superior objective
crowns all these detailed aims, which is happiness.
11
People, who go astray from the right path in the

course of life, continue their drifting based on their
false visualization of happiness in their wrongdoings.
In addition, people, who reach conviction that suicide
could solve their problems, are rather seeking this
solution in order to get rid of misery in the hope that
they will find their peace in death, hence reaching relief
or happiness.
12
I do not believe that a wise person would argue the

fact that the superior objective for each man in his
life is happiness. The question is -How can we reach
happiness in a worldcontrolled by the conflicting
desires of one individualagainst the others? In other
words, these are the interests of the individual versus
the interests of the others. For instance, an individual
wishing to listen to aloud music conflicts with his
neighborsdesire for peace and quiet. The interest of an
individual in a good bargain conflicts with the interest
of a sales personina highest bid.
In addition, differences can exist regarding one
persons own desires, where each desire competes
against another, making him incapable offinding
satisfaction in all of them.
For example, desire in making money might
disagree with the wish for peace and comfort. The first,
for example, might require man on several occasions to

abandon the second.
Another example, desire fortasty food might
disagree with the desire to maintain a healthy body orto
avoid obesity; hence, the latter necessitates on most
occasions to avoid the first.
The question is: How can an individual make the
right choice that will lead him to happiness in shade of
all these conflictions?
The answer is: In his course of life, the wise person
studies the matters coupled with their negative and
positive issues.Therefore, he will design on ecategory
for positivities and another for negativities coupled
with certain rules. After studying the categories and
evaluating the results of each, the wise person will
choose the result that shows the highest score on the
screen. Therefore, he will be encouraged to embrace
the matter with the highests core even if it contained a
number of negativities. At this point, he will experience
tranquility and reassurance hence attains happiness in
his choice.
This is the reasoning of the wise person and the road
to mans happiness.
13
Discussing the Three Reasons behind

Bachelorhood (Comfort, Freedom, Escaping
Responsibility)
Based on this rule, we will now discuss the three
reasons for which many people avoid marriage. At this
point, I will not say that the feeling of a married person
in being restrained and tied, unlike his situation as a
bachelor, is not true. Instead, these words bear some
reality.
14
Moreover, I will not say that marriage will not lead

to the lessening of peace of mindwhen compared to
bachelorhood.
Besides, I will not say that marriage will not
encumber the married person with new responsibilities.
However, I will say let these issues be added to the
category of the negativities of marriage to be compared
withthe category of the negativities of bachelorhood
such as the associated internal anxiety, loneliness during
most stages of life, concern for the future, especially
when man gets old and finds no one beside him for
his care and attention. Perhaps the inner concern was
the issue to which the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh)
pointed when he asked someone, Do you have a wife?
In addition, the man replied: No O messenger of Allah.
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) asked him: Are you wealthy?

He replied: Yes. The messenger of Allah (pbuh&hh)
said: Get married or else you are one of the waverers.(1)
Now, let us fill the category of the positivities of
marriage, which is moderately filled with affection
plus the attention that is exhibited by the exchanged
passion of the spouses. One can add to the issue the
continual existence of a being in life through children
who will add more indescribable beauty to life.
This matter in its entirety is a grace, let alone
another major cause in the life of the faithful person,
the satisfaction of Allah (The Exalted). Bachelorhood
might involve man in doings that Allah (The Exalted)
forbade. On the other hand, marriage can achieve the
concealed (inner) satisfaction, as described by the
Prophet (pbuh),plus a rewarding future for someone
with such affinity.
The Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) Encourages
Marriage
This issue can be seen in the following quotation
of Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh): A 2-part prayer
(1) Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar (Oceans of Light),audited by Muhammad Mahdi al-Musawi al-Kharasani, printing date unknown, Tehran, Dar al-Kutub
al-Islamiyah (Islamic Books Publishing House), 1396 AH, Vol. 100, P. 221. (Also,
some accounts narrated The sinners instead of the waverers).
15
performed by a married man is better than a 70-part

prayer performed by the unmarried.(1)
A married man performing a 2-part prayer is better
than a single man who stays up the night in prayer and
spends his day fasting.(2)
A sleeping married man is better to Allah than a
bachelor who spends his night in prayer and his day
fasting.(3)
16
Anyone who wishes to meet Allah with absolution

must meet Him with a spouse. (4)
Discussing the Fourth Reason (Godliness)
Some people might think that bachelorhood provides
manwith more time to worship Allah (The Exalted), and
that it might distance him from perpetrating wrongdoings
by ill-treating his wife, or even his children. However,
this way of thinking is far from the straight path that
Islam embraces and that is ruled by the fact that the one
who defines the godliness and sublimity of man is Allah
(1) Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily, Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia),
investigated and published by Moassasat Aal-Albayt Le-Ehyaa At-Torath (Aal-Albayt Foundation for Reviving the Tradition).
(2) Same previous source, P. 18.
(3) Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar (Oceans of Light), vol. 100, p. 221.
(4) Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily, Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shias),
vol. 20, p. 43.
(The Exalted) and His messenger (pbuh&hh). Such a

way of thinking, will help man avoid making the same
mistake that Satan mad when he said to Allah (The
Exalted): O lord, spare me from prostrating to Adam and
I will worship You in a way that no close angel has ever
worshiped You. However, Allah (The Exalted) replied
to him, I have no need in your worship. I want to be
worshipped the way I desire, not the way you desire.(1)
We can find satisfaction in this logic in order to
challenge this reason by telling the story of a woman
who said to Imam al-Baqir (pbuh): I live in celibacy; and
he (pbuh) replied asking her: How do you understand
celibacy? She replied: I wish never to be married. The
Imam (pbuh) asked: Why not? She replied: I solicit
virtue from this issue. He (pbuh) said: Be gone, had
there be any virtue in this issue Fatimah[The Prophets
daughter] would have been worthier than you are. No
one can excel her regarding virtues. (2)
Discussing the Fifth Reason (Financial Status)
Perhaps this reason, although its discussion came
after, bears the highest rank among the reasons why
young men avoid marriage.
(1) Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar (Oceans of Light), vol. 11, p. 141.
(2) Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al- Amily, Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia),
vol. 2, p. 165.
17
In order to be subjective we must say that when a

young man thinks of marriage, he will be encouraged
to feel responsible, hence, starts looking for sources
of income, and must be serious regarding this issue.
He,after marriage, becomes responsible before Allah
(The Exalted) and the people for securing the overheads
for the wife and children should Allah (The Exalted)
ordain this issue for him.
Now, I call upon you to contemplate on the following
two points:
18
We must review our accounts concerning the financial

complications relating to marriage including the brides
expenses and the quality of the furniture, etc..., let
alone the expensive dowry. Such review will lessen the
financial obstacles that stand inthe way of marriage.
Let us read the following sermon quoted from Allahs
messenger (pbuh&hh): Part of a womans blessing is
in facilitating her engagement and easing her dowry.(1)
Part of a womans grace is in her light provision(2)
The case of marriage must be regarded based on
accurate mathematical accounts relating to financial
(1) ) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), 2nd edition,
Qum, Maktab al-Elam al-Islami (Islamic Media Bureau), 1413 AH, Vol. 2, P. 279.
Vol. 20, P. 112.
income. Extra expenses might encumber the issue

of marriage and complicate the matter for anyone
wishing to marry. Besides, such a thought might be
regarded as contradicting with the spirituality that
was included in the sermons of Allahs messenger
(pbuh&hh) and his household (pbut). Their sermons
call upon man to be lenient regarding the financial
thought when the issue relates to marriage. The
reason being is that the issue of subsistence does not
represent the complete cause of man and his quest.
A man of faith must not ignore the fact that Allah
(The Exalted) is the Provider of man. At this point,
we recite the words quoted from the Honorable
Prophet (pbuh): He, who abandons marriage in fear
of responsibility, thinks wrongly of Allah; Allah (The
Exalted) said:If they should be poor, Allah will
enrich them from His bounty(1)
A number of sayings also inform us that marriage
within itself can be a reason for bringing income. For
instance, the Greatest Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted
as saying: Solicit livelihood through marriage.(2) He
(pbuh&hh) was also quoted as saying: Find a spouse;
it is more endowing for you.(3)
(1) The Holy Quran: An-Nr (The Light), chapter 24, verse 32.
Vol. 20, P.42.
19
Discussing the Sixth Reason (The Lack of

Required Qualities)
It is true to say that it would be better for man to
find the complete positive qualities in the spouse, yet
he must remain realistic regarding his choices. It is
rare for all the positive qualities to be packaged and
parceled in one person.
20
Regarding the perfectness of qualities that are

packaged and parceled in one person, commander of
the faithful (pbuh) was quoted as saying,Therefore,
sometimes a person of handsome features is weak in
intelligence, a tall statured person is of low courage, a
virtuous person is ugly in appearance, a short statured
person is far-sighted, a good-humored person has an evil
trait, a person of perplexed heart has a bewildering mind
and a sharp-tongued person has a wakeful heart..(1)
(1) Nahjul Balagha (Peak of Eloquence), produced byash-Shareef Ar-Radhi, number of

editions unknown, Beirut, Dar at-Taaruf, printing date unknown, P. 227.
Young Mans Question:

Whom should I marry?
Steps Required before Choosing
Prior to embarking on marriage, the Prophet and his
Household (pbut) drew attention to the issues that must
be considered before choosing. They are:
A- Good Intention:
The Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted
as saying: He who marries or gives in marriage in
the way of Allah earns the right to Allahs tutelage.(1)
Marrying in the way of Allah does not mean that man
should marry for the sake of fame or other similar
issues. Instead, he must intend that his marriage be for
a purpose, purity that is an entrance to the satisfaction
of Allah (The Exalted). On this issue, the Honorable
Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, Allah made
it His duty to aid he who marries in order to solicit
(1) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 4, P. 270.
21
purity against that which Allah forbade.(1)

B- Supplication
22
Commander of the faithful (pbuh) was quoted as

saying, He who wishes to be married should perform
a 2-part prayer reading the Opening and Ya-Seen
chapters. On ending the prayer, he must praise Allah
(The Exalted) and commend Him saying (O Allah,
grant me a good, loving, fruitful, grateful, content and
zealous wife. If I do good she thanks, if I do bad she
forgives, if I celebrate Allah (The Exalted) she helps, if
I forget she reminds, if I depart the house she maintains
my honor, if I enter the house she is pleased, if I instruct
her she obeys, if I entrust her she is trustworthy, and if I
am angered she pleases me. O owner of reverence and
generosity, grant me all this. I only ask Thee and can
find nothing but that which You have ordained for me).
[He concludes] He who performs this issue Allah will
give him what he asked.(2)
C- Considering qualities:
In a kind gesture to the significance of considering
the qualities of the husband and wife, Allah (The
(1) Jafar as-Sabhani, at-Tawhid wa ash-Shirk Fi al-Quran al-Karim (Unification and association [with him] in the Holy Quran), 2nd edition, Beirut, Dar al-Walaa (al-Walaa
publishing house), 2004, P. 227.
(2) Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar (Oceans of Light), Vol. 100, P. 268.
Exalted) says about man and woman: They are

clothing for you and you are clothing for them (1)
When mandecides to buy clothes, he must consider a
number of issues such as size, color, thickness, quality,
etc
Woman and man, being the clothing of each other
according to the Quranic script, both must consider
a number of qualities required by each other. On this
issue, Imam As-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying
to the man who informed him about his intention in
marrying: Look where you place yourself, with whom
you share your money, and who you entrust your
religion and secrets And learn that they are as the
poet said:(2)
Women have been created in varieties
Some are the gain and love
Some are the crescent when manifesting to their
guardians
Whereas others are the darkness
He who gains the best of them will be happy
And he who is duped will have no order
(1) The Holy Quran: al-Baqarah (The Cow), chapter 2, verse 187.
Vol. 20, P. 27.
23
In addition to the special qualities, the Prophet

(pbuh&hh) pointed out the genetic influence on
children. The Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) was
quoted as saying: Choose for your sperms; the uncle
is one of the two bedfellows.(1) He (pbuh&hh) was
also quoted as saying: Marry those raised with piety(2)
because the race is intriguing.(3)
Wifes Qualities
24
We can exhibit the qualities of the wife that were

accounted by the reported sermons of the Prophet
(pbuh&hh) and his Household (pbut) according to the
following points:
1- Intelligent Woman
Imam al Kazim (pbuh) was quoted as saying: The
best of women isthe intelligent one.(4) Commander
of the faithful (pbuh) describes the wise woman in his
following expressions:
- The wise is he who places things in their right
positions.(5)
(1) Same previous source, Vol. 20, P. 48.
(2) In other words, the bringing up and mannerism.
(3) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl At-Tabarsi, Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character), 1st
edition, Beirut, Dar al-Wifaq (al-Wifaq publishing house), 2000 AD, P. 307.
Vol. 20, P. 27.
- Intelligence means avoiding wrong doing and giving

consideration to the consequences and resolution.(1)
The opposite of intelligence is the idiot. Commander
of the faithful (pbuh) warned us not to be involved in
marriage or fellowship pertaining to the idiot women.
The Imam (pbuh) was quoted as saying, Do not marry
the idiotic woman whose fellowship brings affliction
and whose children will be lost.(2)
Another expression reads, Beware the foolish
because flattering him will exhaust you, agreeing with
him will ruin you, disagreeing with him will harm you,
and his fellowship will bring you affliction.(3)
Moreover, commander of the faithful (pbuh) defined
the signs of the idiot by three issues:Involvement in
a conversation that is not of his concern; answering
questions that are not addressed to him; and heedlessness
when dealing with matters.(4)

Vol. 20, P. 84.
(3) Ali al-Wasity, Oyoun al-Hikam Wa al-Mawaez (Eyes of Wisdoms and Sermons), investigated by Hussein al-Birjandy, 1st edition, Qum, Dar al-Hadith Wa ath-Thaqafah
(Hadith & Culture Publishing House), printing date unknown, P. 104.
25
2- The Godly or PiousWoman

It was reported that a man came to the Prophet
(pbuh&hh) asking his opinion regarding marriage. The
Prophet (pbuh) said to him, Choose the godly one(1).
This is because the godly woman has good virtues such
as:
A- She refers to the valid authority upon which
understanding exists, which is the doctrine.
26
B- She is trust worthy. Therefore, her husband will

trust her regarding most domains in life. She is selfmotivated regarding integration, which will benefit
her husbands incorporation, let alone her thanked
role in keeping him safe from that which Allah (The
Exalted) forbade.
C- She is the good mother who will raise her sons
and daughters according to the required and good
cultureof religion.
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) stressed on the fact that
choosing a godly woman, who is pious, remains the
main reason for mans happiness.
The Prophet (pbuh) was quoted as saying:
- Mans happiness is in the godly wife.(1)

- A godly woman is better than one thousand
ungodly men.(2)
- Next to godliness, no believer could ever benefit
like he could from a godly wife.(3)
3- The Godly Upbringing
A number of reports stressed on the gravity of
the environment in which the girl lives. Among the
qualities, which give high indication to righteousness
is in our popular expression that the girl is A daughter
of a family [A well-brought-up girl]?Therefore,
we must give attention to her upbringing and godly
cultivation. In most cases, when a girl is raised under
ungodly circumstances, negative reflections will exist
against her. It was reported that the Honorable Prophet
(pbuh) addressed the people on one occasion saying,
People, beware al-Khadraa ad-Dumun.When asked
O Messenger of Allah, what is al-Khadraa Ad-Dumun,
he (pbuh) replied, A beautiful girl of bad upbringing.(4)
Vol. 20, P. 41.
Vol. 20, P. 35.
27
The prophets expression al-Khadraa ad-Dumun

points at the rose that grows feeding on garbage.These
are the most eloquent words of the previous sermon.
However, we must understand that bad upbringing
is not always the only reason for a girls ungodliness.
There are many examples about girls who were raised
under bad circumstances, yet their spirituality and
behavior were not influenced due to certain virtuous
natures that they obtained through providence.
28
Nevertheless, bad upbringing encourages us to

investigate thoroughly the issue of the girl because it
paves the way for ungodly circumstances more than
anything else does.
4- The Good-Natured
Previously, a supplication was mentioned
encouraging man to go after a godly wife of certain
qualities, the most protruding of which is the goodnatured woman. For example: If I treat her goodly
shes grateful; if I treat her badly shes forgiving
And if I am angered shes pleasing.
saying, The best of your women is the easy, the
soft, the responsive, who, if her husband is angered,will
not sleep until he is pleased.When he is absent, she

keeps his honor during his absence. This person is a
servant of Allah, and the servant of Allah will never be
disappointed.(1)
5- Purity
The messenger of Allah (pbuh&hh) was quoted as
saying, The best of your women is the pure.(2)
Purity is an inner shield that protects man from
being defiled by villainy. Therefore, a pure wife
protects herself, her husband and her children from
such defilement.
6- Domestic Management
Among the important issues that also help the
married couple to continue their life with happiness
and harmony is the domestic management of the
wife, dealing with home bills, organization, or other
preparations that are required for the matrimonial life
to continue in harmony.
saying, The best of your women is the one with good
odor and fine cooking; if she spends she spends with
29
kindness and if she keeps she keeps with kindness. This

person is a servant of Allah (The Exalted). The servant
of Allah will never be disappointed.(1)
On the other hand, the woman who lacks such a
characteristic will bring chaos to stability at home,
especially regarding the livelihood matters, and
particularly if the financial capabilities of her husband
are limited.
30
The situation will worsen further when the husband

also lacks the same quality, resulting in the dispersion
of the family.
Commander of the faithful (pbuh) indicated this
issue many times. For instance, he (pbuh) was quoted
as saying:
The plague of livelihood is mismanagement.(2)
The reason for destruction is mismanagement.(3)
Since domestic management is important regarding
mans livelihood coupled with its influence on his
(1) Muhammad as-Saddouq, Man La Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He who is unattended by the
jurisprudent),Number of editions unknown, Beirut, Dar at-Taaruf (Taaruf publishing house),1991, P. 240.Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Fourou al-Kafi (alKafi branches).
(2) Ali al-Wasiti, Oyoun al-Hikam Wa al-Mawaez), P.182.
happiness.The Household of the Prophet (pbuh&hh)

tied this management to religion. A companion of Imam
As-Sadiq (pbuh) reported that he heard a man saying
to the Imam: I was told that economy and management
equal half of what we make for a living. The Imam
(pbuh) replied, No, it is the gain with its entirety;
godliness plays a role in the economy of living.(1)
7- The Assisting Wife
Part of the wifes perfectness lies in her role assisting
her husband in the course of life. She must never leave
him alone. Instead, she must stand by his side, share and
help carrying some of his burdens as well as assist him
regarding his afterlife. Asked about marriage, Imam
as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying, And these
are three issues: a fertile woman, who is warmhearted
and caring, helps her husband in all problems for the
sake of his life and afterlife, and never stands by the
problems against him(2)
8- Emotional Tendency
There is mind and passion within man; without them
(1) Muhammad Bin al-Hassan at-Toussi, al-Amali, 1st edition, Qum, Dar ath-Thaqafah
(Culture Publishing House), 1414 AH, P. 670.
(2) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Fourou al-Kafi (al-Kafi Branches), 3rd edition,
Beirut, Dar al-Adwaa (al-Adwaa Publishing House), 1985 AD, P. 323, reviewed by
Ali Akbar al-Ghafari .
31
humanity would never have continued. However, mans

righteousness necessitates that his mind overcomes his
desires whenever there is a point of conflict. Moreover,
he can seek that which satisfies his emotional aspect as
long as itdoes not contradict with the mind. Marriage
is an interaction between two human beings, where
compassion isthemain reactor.
32
Awoman, who possesses the logical requirements of

perfection and at the same time captures a mans heart,
is categorized as the best of women. Imam al-Kazim
(pbuh) was quoted as saying, The best of women is
the one whom your heart desires and at the same time
shes intellectual and polite.(1)
It was reported that a man asked Imam as-Sadiq
(pbuh) regarding his desire to marry a particular woman
whereas his parents wished another for him. The Imam
(pbuh) said, Marry the one that your heart desires and
forget the one that your parents wish.(2)
9- Beauty
Islam considered the issue of choosing a wife of
ones own desire pertaining to physical beauty as well
as spiritual beauty. Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) was
(2) Successful marriage; produced and published by al-Maaref organization, 1st edition,
Beirut, P. 21.
quoted as saying, If anyone amongst you wishes to

marry let him ask about her hair like he asks about her
face; hair is one of the two beauties.(1)
Moreover, the doctrine permits man to look at the
woman (without veil) that he wishes to marry but under
certain conditions. Our jurisprudent scholars in their
practical books explain these conditions. For example,
Tahrir al-Wasilah (Practical Laws of Islam) that was
authored by Imam al-Khomeini (RIP) reads:
He, who wishes to marry a woman, has permission
to look at her under certain conditions:
He does not look at her with a lusty intention, even
if he knows it is happening involuntary.
He assumes that he will attain more knowledge of
her.
He assumes that she is being given in marriage
without her consent or without her knowing the
identity of the husband.
Her situation allows her to be given in marriage
unlike the woman who is still under the divorcewaitingperiod or a woman of another husband(2).
(2) Imamal-Khomeini, Tahrir al-Wasilah (Practical Laws of Islam), Number of editionsunknown, Damascus, Embassy of the Islamic Republic of Iran, 1988 AD, P. 225.
33
Islam bans beauty to be regarded as the only

standard without regarding the other standards. Allahs
messenger (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, He who
marries a woman for her beauty alone will see nothing
pleasing from her. The Prophet (pbuh) was also
quoted as saying, A womans pretty face should not
be chosen without her godliness.(1)
34
Vol. 20, P.50.
The Girls Question: Whom Should I Marry?

As in the case of the wife, Islam pointed out a number
of qualities required in the fianc. The girl, with the
help of her parents especially the father, must consider
the following qualities in the bridegroom:
Religious Commitment
Imam al-Hassan (pbuh) was quoted as saying to
someone who consulted him regarding his daughters
marriage: Give her (in marriage) to a pious man. If he
loves her he will be generous to her; and if he hates her
he will not wrong her.(1)
On the other hand, the Prophet (pbuh&hh) prohibited
giving in marriage to the libertine. The Prophet
(pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, He who gives (in
marriage) his daughter to a libertine none of his
services will ascend to heaven (accepted) and none of
his calls will be answered.(2)
(1) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi, Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character), P. 318.
(2) Al-Mirza an-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael (Following the Means), Vol. 5, P.279.
35
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) was also quoted as saying,

The wine drinker, never accept him if he proposes.(1)
Good Nature
36
Imam ar-Ridha (pbuh) was quoted as saying, If a

man, whose religion and nature pleases you, proposes
to you, give (in marriage) to him.(2) It was reported that
someone consulted Imam Abul Hassan (pbuh) about
one of his ill-natured relatives asking his daughters
hand; the Imam (pbuh) said: Do not give (in marriage)
to him if he is ill-natured.(3)
Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) summarized Islam by
the value of good nature. The Prophet (pbuh&hh) was
quoted as saying, Islam is the goodness of nature.(4)
Another story stated that a man came to the Prophet
and faced him asking: O messenger of Allah, what is
religion?
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) replied, It is good nature.
The man came to his right side and asked again: What
is religion?
Vol. 25, P. 310.
Vol. 20, P. 81.
(4) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 1, P.798,
Hadith 1099.
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) replied, It is good nature.

The man asked again while standing behind him: what
is religion?
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) replied: You must
understand that religion is that you do not get angry.(1)
It was also reported that good nature and good
fellowship practiced towards the wife are the two main
reasons required for a spiritual relationship that ties us
to the Prophet (pbuh&hh), consequently bringing us
nearer to him on Judgment Day. This issue was foretold
by him when he (pbuh) said, The one sitting nearest
to me on Judgment Day is the one with best nature and
best treatment to his wife.(2)
The reason behind this closeness is that good nature
creates similarity to that of the messenger of Allah
(pbuh&hh), which the Prophet (pbuh&hh) expressed
one day when he said to one of his companions: Will
I tell you about the one amongst you who is nearest
to me in nature? The man replied yes,O messenger
of Allah. The prophet (pbuh) started counting
characteristics beginning with The best-natured
amongst you(3)
(2) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 3, P.142.
37
Trustworthiness
The Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted as
saying, If you are visited by someone, whose religion
and trustworthiness please you, with a proposal, give
(in marriage) to him.(1) Trust and sincerity of speech
are the two main standards required for the character
that was pointed out by the Prophet (pbuh&hh) when
he said, Do not look to their prayers, fasting, repeated
pilgrimages and late night supplications, look for the
sincerity of speech and trustworthiness.(2)
38
Competence
Competence is the crown of qualities that represents
the marital worthiness of man. The Prophet (pbuh&hh)
regarded faith as the main item of competence. It
was reported that a man asked him: To whom do we
give (in marriage)? The prophet (pbuh) replied: The
competent. The man said: O messenger of Allah, who
are the competent? The Prophet (pbuh&hh) replied:
The believers, they complete each other; the believers,
they complete each other.(3)
Moreover, Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) discussed two
(1) Same previous source, Vol. 100 P. 372.
Vol. 19, P. 69.
other issues regarding competence. They are: purity and

solvency. The Imam (pbuh) was also quoted as saying:
The competent is someone pure with solvency.(1)
Solvency means that the bridegroom should be able to
marry and satisfy his family, which does not necessitate
an abundance of money. This issue harmonizes with the
scripts of the verses of the Holy Quran and the words
of the Honorable Prophet, which declared that poverty
does not stand in the way of accepting a proposal. This
issue fits with a quotation of Imam ar-Ridha (pbuh) as
saying: If a man, whose religion and nature satisfy
you, proposes, give (in marriage) to him. His poverty
and neediness should not stand in the way of your
acceptance. Allah (The Exalted) says:But if they
separate [by divorce], Allah will enrich each [of them]
from His abundance. And Allah ever is Encompassing
and Wise(2). His exaltedness also said: If they should
be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and
Allah is all-Encompassing and knowing.(3)
Questions Regarding Qualities
There are certain qualities that might draw attention
of some people to the husband and wife, partially
(1) Muhammad Bin Ali as-Saddouq, Man La Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He who is unattended
by the jurisprudent), Vol. 3 P. 394.
(2) The Holy Quran: An-Nis (The Women), chapter 4, verse 130.
(3) The Holy Quran: An-Nr (The Light), chapter 24, verse 32.
39
positive and partially negative. On the other hand,

others will ask about the attitude of Islam towards
them, such as:
1- Nobleness and Ancestry:
We explained earlier how some sermons pointed
out the role of ancestry in the domain of inheritance.
The race is intriguing, said the Honorable Prophet
(pbuh&hh).
40
Some science specialists stressed on this issue such

as the Austrian geneticist Gregor Mendel who said:
There are many genetic characteristics that are passed
on without breakdown or change in any of their two
origins as well as passed on from them to the branch.(1)
Commander of the faithful (pbuh) suggested a
practical example of this issue on the day when he
asked his son Muhammad Ibn al-Hanafiyyah to attack
the enemy in the Jamal war. His son Muhammad stalled
a little and his father, the Imam (pbuh), repeated saying
to him: Charge. His son replied, O commander of the
faithful, do you see how the arrows are falling down
like the rain. The Imam encouraged him by tapping
on his chest saying: You have acquired a gene from
(1) Muhammad Baqir al-Qurashi, The Life of Imam Hussein, Qum, Dar al-Kutub alElmiyah (Knowledge Books Publishing House), Vol. 1, P. 43.
your mother.(1) Later, when the commander of the

faithful (pbuh) wanted to produce a child that can in
the future assist his son al-Hussein (pbuh) in Karbala,
he informed his brother Aqeel who had good news
and knowledge in the ancestors of the Arabs : Find
me a woman who gave birth to courageous people of
the Arabs so that I can marry her to conceive for me a
young knight. He replied would you consider Fatimah
Bint Hozam Bin Khalid al-Kalabiyah; no one among
the Arabs is braver or more daring than that of her
fathers. Therefore, commander of the faithful (pbuh)
married her to give birth to al-Abbass (pbuh) and his
brothers(2).
As a result, the religious scripts stressed on
considering race, which plays a role in genetically
influencing the children.
However, the scripts considered that the true value
of man is not in his origin or ancestors alone. This issue
was stated by a poem quoted from the commander of
the faithful (pbuh):
Upon your life, mans value is in his godliness
Let piety derives not from your ancestry alone
(1) Mohsen al-Ameen, Ayan ash-Shia (Lords of Shias), at-Taaruf publishing, Beirut,
Vol. 1, P. 457.
41
Islam added value to Salman of Persia

Whereas polytheism devalued the noble Abu Lahab(1)
42
One of the beauties of the practical reality that

expresses this Islamic principle is the story of Joeber
who was a black man from the residents of Yamama.
He had no noble ancestry, no money, and no beauty.
Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) asked him to find a
wife for himself. He replied: O messenger of Allah,
you are dearer to me than my father and mother, who
would want to marry me? I swear in Allah I have no
noble ancestry, no money and no beauty. The Prophet
(pbuh&hh) replied: Allah devalued in Islam he who
was noble in the pre-Islamic epoch, honored in Islam
he who was ignoble in the pre-Islamic epoch, treasured
in Islam he who was humble in the pre-Islamic epoch,
and perished in Islam the arrogance of the people of the
pre-Islamic epoch as well as their pride in their tribes
and highborn ancestries () White, black, noble, Arab
or foreign, all people come from Adam. Adam was
created from dust. The dearest human being to Allah
(pbuh) is the humblest and most pious. O Joeber, I find
none among Muslims who is nobler than you unless he
be humbler and more pious.(2)
(1) Mohsen al-Ameen, Divan al-Imam Ali (Imam Ali collection), 1st edition, Beirut, 2000
AD, P. 31.
Later the prophet (pbuh&hh) instructed that he be

married to a daughter of a noble origin.
2- The Right Age:
Islam encouraged marriage at early stage justifying
the issue as being a shield and protection against the
negativities which a young man or woman might
experience.
The Honorable Prophet (pbuh) was quoted as saying,
Any young man marrying in his prime will cause
Satan to be disturbed and say: Damn him, he shielded
two thirds of his religion from me, piety can shield the
remaining third.
However, this encouragement for an early marriage
was reported in other scripts as being a state of
awareness that must first exist in order to generate
concord and harmony between the spouses.
At this point, the Household of the Prophet (pbut)
instructed people to avoid matrimonial bonding of
the very young whose youthfulness may affect their
concord and harmony. For example, when someone
said we are bonding our children in marriage while
they are young; Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as
saying, If they are married [officially] young they will
43
barely find harmony.(1)

2- Kinship:
44
Marrying a relative might accompany certain

positivity, such as detailed acquaintance of the
descriptions of the related spouse, which is far easier
than a stranger is. From this point of view, the spouse
will have good knowledge of the partner. Besides,
kinship can play a role in the ideological approach
as well as address the social issues.Therefore, each
spouse will feel closer to the other necessitating family
protection on both sides. A marriage of this sort will
strengthen the bond between the two related families.
Perhaps for the same reasons Imam Zein el-Abideen
(pbuh) was quoted as saying, He who marries merely
to satisfy Allah (The Exalted) and to strengthen the
bond of families, Allah (The Exalted) will crown him
with a kings crown and dignity.(2)
In addition, the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) was
quoted as saying: There is no woman like a cousin.(3)
(1) Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily, Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia
s), Vol. 20, P. 104.
(2) Jafar as-Saddouq, Man La Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He who is unattended by the jurisprudent), Vol. 3, P. 385.
(3) Hussein al-Brujardi, Jame Ahadith as-Shia (Collector of Shia Speeches), edition
number unknown, Qum, 1409 AH, P. 82.
On the other hand, yes an issue generates concern

regarding the marriage of the related persons. This is
the probability in subjecting the children to certain
health issues resulting from such a relation. This
issue was suggested by Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh)
saying: Do not marry the closely related because the
child will be born weak.(1) The word weak may have
indicated to illness.
Moreover, the Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted as
saying: Seeking stranger scasts away illnesses.(2) In
other words, marrying unrelated strangers helps avoid
illnesses, thus nulling the reason for the birth of a weak
child.
It is obvious that the words of the Prophet (pbuh&hh)
belong to the circle of the justified guidance, which
means the illness will not occur if the cause does not
exist. The probability in giving birth to a weak child
will end when the cause, marrying a related spouse,
ceases to exist. An unrelated spouse helps in this case.
Therefore, if man shields himself from such an issue
the guidance ban becomes void.
(1) Yusuf al-Bahrani, al-Hadaeq an-Nadirah (The Bright Gardens), edition number
unknown, Qum, Moassasat an-Nashir al-Islami (Islamic Publishing Foundation),
printing date unknown, Vol. 23, P. 17.
(2) Ash-Shareef ar-Radhi, Ai Bin al-Hussein, al-Majazat an-Nabawiyah (The Prophetic
Permissions), P. 78, Hadith 59.
45
At this point, he who wants to marry a related spouse

is advised to investigate the health issue, especially in
shade of the developing laboratories.
46
From the aforementioned illustrations, it becomes

evident that the two prophetic sermons do not
contradict the aforementioned prophetic sermon (there
is no woman like a cousin) and the sermon of Imam
Zein el-Abideen (pbuh) before it; they both encourage
marrying the relative due to the spiritual and social
reasons. On the other hand, the latter sermons act as
guidance regarding the health issue of the born child,
which must be considered.
Principles of Acquaintance
We offer a great deal of advice to any couple (male
and female) wishing to be acquainted with each other.
Our aim is to examine the required qualities that he (as
a husband) or she (as a wife) must possess. We hope
that these recommendations will contribute to helping
them reach their aim without causing any harm to the
godliness of each.
1- Considering the Doctrine
During their conversation, they must consider the
legal regulations such as avoiding the exchanging of
lusty glances; avoid touching each other because it is
prohibited before marriage; avoid isolation in a place
that restricts others from joining, which will prevent
Satan from joining their session as a third wicked
party. The last advice was mentioned in a number of
reports. For example, commander of the faithful (pbuh)
was quoted as saying: No man must sit alone with a
woman. Any man who sits alone with a woman will
47
render the devil join as their third partner.(1)

2- The Judging Mind
48
We discussed earlier the tendency towards beauty

and passion in a positive manner. However, each
young man and woman must use his or her mind as
judge in reviewing desires regarding all the previous
characteristics. This way no remorse will occur. On
this issue, we give the words of the commander of
the faithful (pbuh) as an example: Intelligence is the
friend of each man whereas ignorance is his enemy.
3- Reliance on More than Conversational Sessions
What usually happens during the acquaintance
sessions between man and woman is that each will
only show good behavior whereas conceal the many
flaws that reside within.
These sessions, although prolonged and repeated,
still make it difficult for one to move from the state
of taking on someones character (putting on an
appearance) to the state of the true nature.
This is the typical case of each person with another,
whether the issue concerns marriage or friendship.
(1) Abul Qassim al-Khoei, Misbah al-Faqaha (Lantern of Jurisprudence), report by Muhammad Ali at-Tawheedi, 2nd edition, Qum, Hajiany, Vol. 1, P. 216.
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) suggested that man must

never rush into a state of fellow shipor friendship
until he acquires a good knowledge of the person.
He must first study his true nature or character. The
Imam (pbuh) was quoted as saying, Never regard
someone as a friend until you test him in three issues:
infuriate him to see if his anger will take him from
righteousness to wickedness; test his generosity; and
travel with him.(1)
These three issues will provide knowledge of the
true personality. When angered, you will recognize the
nature of the man and his ability to control his anger,
which others might not tolerate. When needing money,
the depth of friendship will become apparent. Which
comes first, friendship or money? When traveling,
which will render the true personality and nature come
up to the surface. Man might be able to put on an
appearance in many sessions, but when traveling with
other companions, a tiring journey will clearly reveal
his true nature. Therefore, traveling, as in the words of
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh), cannot be substantiated unless
it is tried, which could further take companionship to
the level of friendship. It is also an example that will
reveal the true nature of man.
49
Hence, the young man and woman must not restrict

their knowledge of each other to the information
obtained from these sessions alone. Instead, they must
rely on other sources that provide better knowledge of
the true nature unlike the knowledge obtained from
someone putting on an appearance. These sources of
information can be found with brothers and sisters,
relatives, and close friends, etc
50
The Islamic Sharia (doctrine) gives permission to

these people to advise those wishing to marry, even if the
advice had to address the flaws of a person. Therefore,
the religious scripts that the great jurisprudent scholars
embrace do not regard those seeking advice as
backbiters.(1)
4- Transparent Conversation
The previously mentioned topics discussed the case
of the young man and woman becoming acquainted
with each other through conversation. The topics
did not explain the conduct that renders such a case
authorized and licit. Part of the prophetic instructions
encourages the believer to be transparent and clear
in his conversation like the clear mirror. This way he
will emphasize the reported sermon that reads, The
(1) Reference: Abul Qassim al-Khoei, Misbah al-Faqaha (Lantern of Jurisprudence), Vol.
1, P. 347-351.
believer is the mirror of his faithful brother.(1)

He must not be two-faced and two-tongued, setting
the example that Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) mentioned
saying, The worst servant is the two-faced and twotongued servant.(2)
Candidness is the feature of the faithful man and
woman when discussing the issue of marriage.
One the most important issues necessitate that each
give attention to avoiding deceiving the other,exhibiting
a false character.
An example on this issue exists in the instructions
of the Great Prophet (pbuh&hh) who was quoted as
saying, If anyone among you proposes while he dyes
(dyes his hair), he must inform her that he is dyeing
and must not cheat her.(3)
However, this clarity does not mean that each should
open all the pages of the past. There is no need to open
pages containing certain negativities that occurred
s), Vol. 12, P. 210.
(2) Hussein al-Brujardi, Jame Ahadith as-Shia (Collector of Shia Speeches), Vol. 16,
P. 336.
(3) Omar Bin Shaheen Nasikh al-Hadith Wa Mansukhahu (The copier of speech and
its copies), P. 570, refer to Maktabat Ahlul Bayt (pbut) The library of the prophetic
household (pbut).
51
in the past, which are irrelevant to the future of the

marriage issue.
5- Entrusted Sessions
52
The couple must consider other issues during the

conversation sessions such as keeping private the
information that they exchange in accordance with
the rule that Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) sanctioned
saying, Sessions are entrusted. No one has the right to
say a word that he keeps secret unless he gets permission
from its owner. Speaking well of the other is excluded.(1)
6- Giving Consideration to the Parents
From the very beginning of their acquaintance, the
young man and woman must consider the parents,
especially the parents of the girl.They might be sensitive
towards solo meetings, which they will only accept
under certain conditions. This issue goes under social
privacy, consideration of which can be useful. The
Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying,
My lord instructed me to consider the people.(2) The
Prophet (pbuh&hh) also said, Pay court to the people
and they will love you.(3)
(1) Muhammad Bin Ali as-Saddouq, Man La Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He who is unattended
by the jurisprudent), Vol. 4, P. 378.
(2) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Fourou al-Kafi (al-Kafi Branches), Vol. 2, P.
117.
Message to the Parents of Both Grooms

Parents must give space (proper chance) for the
couples acquaintance especially that the issue relates
to Allahs most beloved structure. The Honorable
Prophet (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, In
Islam, no structure is dearer to Allah (The Exalted)
than marriage.(1) Parents must also understand the
great reward for those who help or take part in the
marriage of the bachelors. The Honorable Prophet
(pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, He, who gives
(in marriage) a daughter, will be crowned by Allah
on Judgment Day with a kings crown.(2) Moreover,
the prophets grandson Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was
quoted as saying, He who weds a single person will
be looked at with kindness by Allah on Judgment
Day.(3)
In addition, the parents must contribute in bringing
standpoints together in accordance with the instructions
of the prophets household (pbut). For example, Imam
as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying, A favor that
(1) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi, Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character),
P.305.
(2) Al-Muttaqi al-Hindi, Kanz al-Ummal (Labor Treasure), investigated by Bakri Hayati,
edition number unknown, Beirut, Ar-Risalah (The Message) 1989 AD, Vol. 16, P.
451.
s), Vol. 20, P. 642.
53
Allah loves is reforming peoples relationships when

they are damaged and bringing them together when
they are alienated.(1)
54
(1) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Usul al-Kafi (al-Kafi Principles), Vol. 2 P. 642.
Engagement
Engagement and the Origin of Reform
In our societies, it is common to name someone
fianc when he asks a girls hand for marriage. She
will also be called fiance. These terms remain valid
until the time of their wedding, when the common
terms, husband and wife replace them.
What is the origin of the terms fianc and fiance?
It was said that the Arabs had a habit. Whenever a
man decides to marry a girl, he will visit her parents
accompanying his family or clan. There, he proposes
and introduces himself asking the girls hand. They
would say a man came and proposed asking her hand.
Therefore, he is her fianc and she is his fiance.
Engagement Amid Confidentiality and
Announcement
A person might ask the hand of a girl without
55
previously obtaining the approval of her parents or even

her consent in certain occasions. Therefore, he might
experience rejection, which would cause embarrassment
coupled with suspicious questions concerning the issue.
Perhaps, this is why Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) drew
attention to this issue, instructing us not to announce the
engagement at the beginning. The Prophet (pbuh&hh)
was quoted as saying, Conceal the engagement.(1)
56
On the other hand, once they agree and approve

the marriage contract the issue is reversed. Allahs
messenger (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, Praise
marriage and announce it.(2)
Avoid Proposing to Certain Women
Islam prevents men from proposing to women who
are tied to others. Islam also forbids conversation with
a tied woman, where a mans aim is to encourage her
marrying him should she separate from her husband
by divorce.The true religion of Islam did not allow
opening the issue of engagement. Islam even forbade
a simple gesture to the divorced woman who has not
finished her Eddah(divorce period of waiting). On the
other hand, she remains tied to her divorcing husband
(1) Muhammad al-Wahidi, Family Rules, 1st edition, Beirut, Dar al-Mustafa al-Alamiyah
(al-Mustafa al-Alamiyah Publishing House), 2010 AD, Vol. 1.
who can return and remarry her during her waiting

period without the need of a new contract. Therefore,
she continues to be his wife in this situation until her
divorce period of waiting expires.
In addition, Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh), as in
some quotations, banned the young man from asking
the hand of a young woman who has been asked for
engagement by another person whose proposal has
been accepted without rejection or even if issues remain
unresolved between them. The Prophet (pbuh&hh) was
quoted as saying, No one among you can override
the engagement of his brother until he marries or
separates.(1)
Engagement Prior to Marriage Contract
It is popular in certain societies, including our society
in Lebanon, for a young man, who wishes to propose
to a girl, to ask her hand in marriage. The period of
engagement might be extended prior to the time of
marriage. The groom is reserving the bride so that no
other man can come forward. Therefore, according to
certain customs the bride wears a ring, known as the
engagement ring, prior to marriage.
(1) Abu Jafar at-Tousi, al-Mabsout, 2nd edition, Tehran, al-Haydariyah, 1388 AH, Vol.
4, P. 218.
57
The Islamic doctrine, although it does not protest the

principle of this issue, yet it warns about some illegal
behavior that might take place because of the situation
the bride is yet to become his wife or he is yet to
become her husband. Therefore, they remain untied
although they are engaged.
Engagement
Together
58
and
Marriage
Contract
Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) stressed on executing

the marriage contract prior to engagement. However,
he placed this issue in the framework of enhancing
the message of Islam as well as accomplishing its
aims within the society. This issue can be observed in
the eloquent texts that were quoted from the Prophet
(pbuh&hh) and his Household (pbut) regarding
matrimonial engagement.
The Prophets Words on Wedding his
Daughter Az-Zahraa (pbuh)
When the commander of the faithful Imam Ali
(pbuh) asked the hand of Lady Fatimah (pbuh) from
her father the Prophet (pbuh&hh), the reports stated
that the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) said to Imam
Ali (pbuh), Go father of Hassan to the mosque. I am
following your footsteps and giving you (in marriage)
in the presence of the people while reciting some of

your merits that will please you.
When the people gathered inside the sacred mosque,
Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) rose and said,All praise
is to Allah Who erected the heavens thus constructed
them, extended the land thus leveled it(1), and He fixed
it with the mountains thus anchored them, and He
extracted, out of it, its water and pasture; He, Who is
greater than the description of the describers, exalted
above the compositions of all languages, rendered the
paradise as a reward for the pious, the hellfire as a
punishment for the tyrants, and made me a mercy for
the believers and a curse for the infidels.
Servants of Allah, you exist in a land of hope
between life and death, between health and sicknesses.
It is the residence of extinction and fluctuating
circumstances, and was merely created as a means
for departure. Therefore, Allah has mercy on he who
limits his hope, takes his mission seriously, spends the
surplus of his money (in charity), saves the excess of
his aliment for the day of his poverty; there will be
a day when the dead shall be resurrected, the voices
shall be humbled, the children and mothers shall deny
each other,...you will see the people [appearing]
(1) Leveled it means he created planes from it. Also the accounts stated that it has been
leveled from beneath the Kabah (Majma al-Bahrain [Bahrain Collection])
59
60
intoxicated while they are not intoxicated; but the

punishment of Allah is severe.(1) That Day, Allah
will pay them in full their deserved recompense, and
they will know that it is Allah Who is the perfect in
justice.(2) The Day every soul will find what it has
done of good present [before it] and what it has done of
evil, it will wish that between itself and that [evil] was
a great distance.(3) So whoever does an atoms weight
of good will see it, And whoever does an atoms weight
of evil will see it.(4) There will be a day when family
relationships shall disperse, ways shall be blocked,and
accountability shall be applied to the criminals who
will be forced into sufferance. Therefore, whoso is
removed from the Fire and is made to enter paradise,
he indeed is triumphant. The life of this world is but
comfort of illusion.(5)
People, the prophets are simply Allahs authority
on His earth. They speak on behalf of His book. They
act in accordance with His inspiration. Allah (the
Exalted) instructed me to give my beloved Fatimah in
marriage to my brother and cousin, my closest trustee,
Ali Bin Abi Talib. Allah (the Exalted) has already given
(1) The Holy Quran: Al-aj (The Pilgrimage), chapter 22, verse 2.
(2) The Holy Quran:An-Nr (The Light), chapter 24, verse 25.
(3) The Holy Quran: li Ìmrn (Family of Imran), chapter 3, verse 30.
(4) The Holy Quran: Az-Zalzalah (The Earthquake), chapter 99, verse 7-8.
(5) The Holy Quran: l Ìmrn (Family of Imran), chapter 3, verse 185.
her to him in marriage up in heavens with the angels

testifying. And He instructed me to give her to him on
earth and to ask for your testimony on this issue.
Imam Alis Words on his Wedding to AzZahraa (pbuh)
Afterward, Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) sat and
said to the commander of the faithful (pbuh), Rise Ali
and propose for yourself.
He said, Messenger of Allah, how can I propose in
your presence.
The Prophet replied, Propose, I was instructed by
Gabriel to instruct you to propose for yourself. Had
David not been the speaker in heavens you would have
been instead O Ali.
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) added, People, listen to
the words of your prophet. Allah sent four thousand
prophets. Each prophet came with a trustee. I am the
seal of the prophets and my trustee is the seal of the
trustees.
Then, Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) withheld his
speech giving Ali (pbuh) room to say:
Praise be to Allah Who inspired the spokesmen
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with keys to His knowledge; and enlightened with His

piercing greatness the hearts of the pious; and explained
with the signs of His rules the ways of the followers;
and brought joy through my cousin the chosen to the
world to the point where His call overrode the call of
the infidels, His word voided the false of the falseness.
Moreover, He rendered him the seal of the prophets,
the lord of the messengers; hence, he dispatched the
message of his Allah, declared publicly His instructions,
and informed on behalf of Allah His verses.
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Praise be to Allah Who created His servants with

His ability; honored them with His religion, bestowed
generosity upon them with His prophet Muhammad
(pbuh&hh) as He bestowed mercy, kindness, honor
and greatness. Praise is to Allah for His grace and
openhandedness. I testify that there is no deity but Allah
hoping that my testimony will please Him. O Allah
bestow Your grace and kindness upon Muhammad;
and O Allah bestow uponYour Prophet blessings that
will render him closest to You and the most honorable.
Hear me: Marriage is one of the duties that Allah
(the Exalted) instructed to us with His permission.
This meeting of ours occurred out of His ordain and
satisfaction. This is Muhammad Bin Abdullah, the
messenger of Allah, who tied me (in marriage) to his
daughter Fatimah for a dowry of four hundred dirham

and dinars. I accepted that. Hence, you may ask him
and testify.(1)
Examples of the Marriage Proposal
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying, Some
people said to the commander of the faithful (pbuh),
we want to give in marriage so-and-so to so-and-so,
and we want you to propose for us. He replied with
a sermon that included praising and commendation
ofAllah with a commandment to be pious. Moreover,
he concluded: so-and-so wants to marry so-and-so. He,
regarding his family is someone you already know,
regarding his ancestors is someone you do not ignore;
and he is paying to her a dowry that you already know.
Therefore, react with positivity and you will be thanked
for it and you will be related to him. O Allah, bestow
Your blessings upon the Prophet and his Household.(2)
Sermon of Imam ar-Ridha (pbuh) on the
Marriage of a Companion:
Praise be to Allah Who praised His own deity in
His scripture, with thankfulness he started His book,
(1) Husseinan-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael (Following the Means). 2nd edition, Beirut,
Moassasat AalAlbayt le-Ehyaa at-Torath (AalAlbayt Foundation for Reviving the
Tradition), 1988 AD, Vol. 14, P. 206.
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and He rendered gratitude to be the first reward from

His kindness and the last call to the residents of His
heaven. I testify that there is no deity but Allah the
only. I will forever be faithful in my testimony, which
I treasure with Him. Moreover, let Allah bestow His
blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of prophecy
and the best human being, and upon his Household,
the family of mercy, the tree of grace, the core of the
message, and Mecca to the angels. Praise be to Allah
Who forever existed with His original knowledge, His
speaking book, and His honest declaration that the
most righteous reasons for establishing relationship
and the foremost issue for desiring Him is a raison
dtre and an issue that led to richness.Therefore, Allah
(the Exalted) said,It is He Who has created man from
water: then has He established relationships of lineage
and marriage: for thy Lord has power (over all things).(1)
In addition, He said,Marry those among you who are
single, or the virtuous ones among your slaves, male
or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them
means out of His grace: for Allah encompasses all, and
He knoweth all things.(2)
Had there not been, regarding marriage and affinity, a
precise verse, an enacted code, and rich heritage, Allah
(1) The Holy Quran: Al-Furqn (The Criterion), chapter 25, verse 54.
(2) The Holy Quran: An-Nr (The Light), chapter, 24, verse 32.
would have rendered the relative to be treated with

kindness, the distanced to be treated with closeness,
the hearts to be harmonized, the rights to be embraced
together, the number to be multiplied, and the children
to be spared for bad times and sudden events, which are
desired by the wise and intelligent, raced after by the
successful prudent, and treasured by the skillful author.
Therefore, the mostly favored by Allah are those who
follow His orders, execute His verdict, find satisfaction
in His justice, and are wishful of His reward.
So-and-so (stating the names of the husband and
his father), a man whose goodness and reverence
are known to you, has been encouraged by his own
conviction to come to you for a favor, to ask the hand
of your beloved daughter so-and-so (stating the names
of the bride and her father), and to pay her such a dowry
(stating the exact amount of the dowry).Therefore,
embrace him with your approval and seek guidance
from Allah regarding your affairs and He will show
you the right path.
We ask Allah to create rapport amongst you, mixed
with goodness and piety, tendered with love and
passion, sealed with approval and satisfaction. He is
the All-Hearer of invocation, Subtle in what He wills.(1)
373.
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Marriage Contract
Marriage Contract,Worships and Dealings
The jurisprudent scholars divided the rules of Islam
into two volumes, worships (services) and dealings
(affairs). They considered that obedience, which leads
to Allahs satisfaction, is included in the first volume.
On the other hand, the second volume includes the
dealings that relate to other life issues such as trade,
rent, banking, and other matters.
Perhaps the first volume was named after worship
because it launches from obedience in accordance with
the legal verdict. A legal verdict is a special (spiritual)
logic that is usually incomprehensible, and is completely
embraced as long as the script (reported words) of the
infallible Imam does not protest it. Worship necessitates
literal commitment to the content of the legal script. For
example, the Morning Prayer (Salat As-Subh) is two
parts. Therefore, it becomes void when one part is skipped
or added unlike the dealings, which are often resolved
by relying on additions. The jurisprudent scholars agree
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that the marriage contract is an affair, not a service.

However, it differs from a large number of dealings. For
example, a trade usually takes place through the mutual
positive verbal conversation between the buyer and the
seller to render the issue sufficient the seller saying
for example (I sold you the pen), and the buyer replies
with acceptance (I bought). This same issue can also
be handled without the need for any verbal phrase. For
example, if a person enters a shop and finds a pen with
a price on it, he, without saying a word, can pay to the
seller the amount of money matching that price without
the need for a mutual conversation. Hence, the buyer
pays while the seller collects, both silent, and the trade
is legally correct.
Marriage contract is different. According to the
jurisprudent scholars, they all agree that the contract
can only take place according to a certain verbal phrase,
which must be in Arabic language and according to
the designed phrase. For this reason, they said that
the marriage contract is an affair that ismixed with a
service (worship).
The Legal Phrase of the Permanent
Marriage Contract
The permanent marriage contract is originally
initiated after the wife states her dowry and the husband
responds directly with acceptance.

For example, the wife says, I give myself in
marriage to you for a dowry of such.
Alternatively she can say, I give myself in marriage
to you according to the agreed dowry, which must be
defined in advance.
The husband responds, I accept the marriage.
Nonetheless, usually the girl deputizes someone to
execute the contract on her behalf and the deputy will
exchange the verbal conversation with the husband.
Hence, the deputy should say for example, I give
my client so-and-so in marriage to you for a dowry of
such. Alternatively, he can say, I give my client soand-so in marriage to you for the agreed dowry.
The husband responds, I accept the marriage.
Note: We said previously that the phrases must be
uttered in Arabic language.
Permanent Marriage Contract,
Confidentiality and Announcement
The marriage issue pleases Allah (The Exalted). This
is why He did not oblige the presence of two sound
69
witnesses to witness the event. This matter was decreed

by the jurisprudence of the Prophets Household
(pbut). However, the presence of two witnesses as well
as the declaration of the marriage is preferable as it was
instructed by the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) when
he said, Praise the marriage and declare it.(1) On
the other hand, it was reported that Allahs messenger
(pbuh&hh) used to hate secret marriages.(2)
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The marriage experiences pointed to the negative

influences regarding the secret marriage due to
its associated extreme embarrassment and violent
criticism. In some cases, the husband who avoids
to publicly announcing his marriage can incur an
embarrassing situation before the people if his marriage
comes into the open, which can also mirror social major
complications on his poor wife.
The Dowry
One of the pillars of the marriage contract is defining
the agreed dowry, the amount of which was not defined
by Islam to be binding. Instead, Islam gave room for
the two parties to reach an agreement. Asked by a
companion about the dowry, Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh)
(2) Zein ed-Dein al-Amily, Masalik al-Afham ela Tanqeeh Sharae al-Islam (Teaching
routes into revising the codes of Islam), revised and published by Moassasat alMaaref al-Islamiyah (Islamic Knowledge Foundation), Qum, 1416 AH, Vol. 7, P. 19.
was quoted as saying, Whatever pleases the people.(1)

However, despite this case, the Imam stressed that
the dowry should never stand as a hindrance before the
proposal. At this point, Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh)
encouraged on simplifying the dowry when he was
quoted as saying, The best of my nations women
are those with the smallest dowry.(2) He (pbuh&hh)
was also quoted as saying, Part of a womans bless is
in the smallness of her dowry.(3)
Paving the road for engagement and easing the
dowry and burden are instructive issues for the girl and
her parents advising them not to complicate the issue of
marriage by asking requirements that will confuse and
exhaust the man while asking for the hand of the girl.
The issue might discourage him from continuing his
step towards marriage, which would end the matter. Let
us not forget the other demands that add responsibility
such as the house, furniture and expensive dowry.
The Dowry and the Code of Conduct
Both Shiites and Sunnis reported many stories about
how small were the dowries of the wives of the prophet
378.
71
as well as the dowry of his daughter Fatimah Az-Zahraa

(pbuh), each of which was only 12.5 ounce of silver,
which equals 400 or 500 dirham.
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Yes, there was an exception regarding the wives of

the Prophet (pbuh&hh), which was Um Habibah, who
was among the women who migrated to Abyssinia.The
Prophet (pbuh&hh) deputized the king of Abyssinia
Negus to ask for her hand on his behalf and execute
a marriage contract with her as his deputy. At that time,
Negus appointed 4000 dirham, which he paid from
his own pocket (as a gift to the prophet). The prophet
(pbuh&hh) did not protest the issue.(1)
Other than this exception, Imam Ali (pbuh&hh)
stressed on the traditional practice when he was quoted
as saying, Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) would refuse
to give any of his daughters in marriage but for 12.5
ounce of silver, and for that amount he gave Fatimah in
marriage to me.(2)
In addition, another account informs us that Imam
Ali (pbuh&hh) tells the story of his dowry saying,
When I married Fatimah (pbuh) I said: O messenger
of Allah, which one should I sell, my horse or my
(1) Reference: Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Taziz al-Usrah (Fostering Family), 1st edition,
Tehran, Mashar, 1430 AH, P. 78.
(2) Abu Hozaifah al-Maghribi, Daaem al-Islam (Pillars of Islam), revised by Asuf
Faydi, 2nd edition, Egypt, Dar al-Maaref, printing number unknown, Vol. 2, P. 22.
shield? The Prophet (pbuh&hh) replied sell your shield.

Hence, I sold it for 12.5 ounces, which was the dowry
of Fatimah.(1)
Defining the dowry according to the way of the
prophet represents a practical challenge for the
believers. For example, the two inerrant Imams al-Baqir
and as-Sadiq (pbut) asked some experts to define the
dowry in currency, which was the Amawiyah currency
at that time. They replied that each ounce equaled forty
dirham, which is also a popular currency nowadays.
Luckily, the weight of that dirham is familiar and
defined. It values three grams of pure silver, in precise
2.985 grams. Therefore, the dowry according to the
prophetic tradition is 400 or 500 dirham x 3 grams
= 1200 or 1500 grams of pure silver. However, this
amount tends to be of little value.
Therefore, some people believe that the purchasing
power of five hundred dirham in silver during early
Islam had more value than nowadays. This is why
some people find refuge in one of two options:
First option: calculate the dowry based on the gold
dinar in early Islam. At that time, 10 dirham equaled 1
dinar, which means 400 or 500 dirham equals 40 or 50
dinar. Since the dinar value depends on its legal weight,
(1) Al-Muttaqi al-Hindi, Kanz al-Ummal (Labor Treasure), Vol. 13, P. 79.
73
which is 4.265 grams of gold, hence, the dowry of AzZahraa (pbuh) would be (40 x 4.265 = 170.60 or 50x
4.265 = 213.25 grams of gold).
Second option: calculate the purchasing value of
the practiced dowry according to the way of Imam
Ali (pbuh) when he used the cost of his shield for the
purchase. The historic sources reported this issue.
Some examples were a dress, a veil, a shawl, a small
carpet made of straw, etc
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Anyway, the amount does not equal a large sum of

money because it was simply an expression to buy the
necessities of furniture for a small house.
On top of the facilities and paved road that this simple
practiced dowry holds, Imam al-Kazim (pbuh) pointed
to a spiritual dimension when he was asked about the
practiced dowry and how it became 500 hundreds. He
(pbuh) said, Allah (the Exalted) took an obligation
upon Himself that whenever a believer exclaims His
greatness 100 times, praises Him 100 times, glorifies
Him 100 times, and asks the bestowal of His blessing
upon Muhammad and his Household 100 times, after
which he says: O lord give me (in marriage) to the
fair ones, Allah will give him (in marriage)to a fair
one rendering these recited (praises) as her dowry.
Allah also inspired his Prophet (pbuh&hh) saying:
any believer who asks the hand of the daughter of his

brother and offers him 500 dirham to find rejection,
his brother will be deemed undulant and deserves from
Allah that He be not given (in marriage) to a fair one.(1)
Dowry amid Finance and Education
Islam did not stipulate that the practiced dowry be
of a monetary type. Instead, it permitted that the dowry
be a service that can be offered to the other party, such
as teaching. This kind of practice took place as part of
a marriage contract at the time of Allahs messenger
(pbuh&hh) when a woman visited him asking, give
me in marriage. Hence, Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh)
asked, who would take her? A man rose and said I would
O messenger of Allah, give her to me. The Prophet
(pbuh&hh) said, what do you offer her? The man
said I have nothing. The Prophet said no. The woman
asked again. Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) repeated
his words. Still, no one came forward but the same
man. When she repeated her plea for the third time,
the Prophet (pbuh&hh) asked the man, Do you master
reading anything of the Quran? The man replied yes.
The Prophet (pbuh&hh) said, I give her in marriage
to you in exchange for what you have mastered of the
reading of the Quran, teach it to her.(2)
Vol. 21, P. 245.
75
Wedding Gift
76
A wealthy person might prefer to give his wife that

which would strengthen the marriage bond. Therefore,
he might raise the value of the dowry, which is not a
problem regarding the legal issue. However, it might
mirror negative influences on other issues. It may
lead to a traditional rise in the value of the required
dowries within the society. To prevent this issue, the
authority found another method for the wealthy person
to express his desire by offering the dowry based on the
practiced dowry, after which he can top it with extra
gifts Our Imams, members the Prophetic Household
(pbut) embraced this behavior psychological gifts
on certain occasions. They named it An-Nahlah or
the gift. The purpose of that was to render the wife
independent without relying on others. This way, the
wealthy man complies with the purified tradition and
distances himself from creating negative events within
the society. He would also seek Allahs satisfaction
through such gift and would fortify the bond of love,
which comes in accordance with the words of Allahs
messenger (pbuh&hh): Gifting brings love.(1)
Between Marriage Contract and Wedding

Praising Allah (The Exalted)
Marriage is one of the great graces that Allah (The
Exalted) bestowed upon humankind. Therefore, anyone
who finds success in receiving such bliss must embark
on thanking Allah (The Exalted) directly after the
wedding for his bounty in the hope that his gratitude
will represent an entrance to more bounties based on
the verse of the Holy Quran, If you are grateful, I
will surely increase you [in favor] (1)
Man can also express his gratitude by performing
a 2-part prayer with his intention to thank Allah (The
Exalted) or simply by performing two prostrations
during which he repeats three times: Ashukru Lillah
(Praise is to Allah).
Showing Gratitude towards the Parents
In this important articulation in the course of life, both
(1) The Holy Quran: Ibrhm (Abrahim), chapter 14, verse 7.
77
believers, man and woman, who were granted success

by Allah (The Exalted) to hold a marriage contract
following the parents education and guardianship
toward them, must each take the initiative to express
gratitude towards the parents for their generosity. This
issue comes in accordance with the words of Allah
(The Exalted) which read, Be grateful to Me and to
your parents (1) And surely, they will be indebted to
them for the rest of their lives.
78
Perhaps, the first initiative that the groom must take

after the marriage contract is kissing the hand of his
father and mother expressing his gratitude, so must the
bride regarding her parents.
Recommendations for the Period of
Engagement
Marriage contract is the first step to a new life, where
two human beings now sharea life together. Hence, what
was impermissible became permissible simply after a
few words uttered by both spouses. During this period,
the couple needs some advice or recommendations,
which can be quoted from the tradition of the Honorable
Prophet (pbuh&hh). These tips can also be topped by the
realistic experience of our society. Below are a number
of recommendations that can help the couple.
(1) The Holy Quran: Luqmn (Luqman), chapter 31verse 14.
A- Feigning Inattention:
It is very difficult to find a young couple (man and
woman) who can find complete harmony regarding
their aspirations, attitudes, and tastes. Love added to
the matrimonial bond cannot create a positive upswing
regarding these matters. Yes, it might help toleration
but it cannot change these qualities swiftly.
At this point, the new relationship necessitates that
man does not build his hopes, in the sense, that his
wife will represen this dream girl. Similarly, the girl
must not build her hopes, in the sense, that her husband
will represent her dream knight whom she netted by
her imagination. It is very likely for a young man and
woman to demonstrate certain ideas or behaviors that
do not harmonize with each other.
In this sense, it is wrong for either of them to be
shocked or frustrated. Instead, they must deal with this
situation with reason.
Our advice is that neither of them should hold the
other accountable by investigating his or her position
and behavior in a way that would change the issue
to a sort of a mobile camera recording each act of
the other party, after which its images are analyzed
for accountability. This issue will complicate the
79
relationship between them and will cause tension.

Therefore, each one of them must give good attention to
the individuals background, where they will discover
that each individuals background differs from that of
the other regarding views, behaviors and tastes. These
issues can happen even if the backgrounds correspond
pertaining to place, race, and other matters.
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The only solution resides in each partys responsibility

by repeatedly forgiving the other especially at the
beginning of the matrimonial relationship for his or her
actions and behavior. However, this does not mean that
efforts or attempts cannot be employed in order to make
changes for a better situation, which require a calm or
peaceful atmosphere. Awareness and sharpness towards
the problematic behavior of the other are required but
must be adopted with ease so that the other party will
not react to the issue in a swift and negative way.
To this issue the following wisdom indicated,
Marriage is a measure, one third equals shrewdness
and two thirds equal inattentiveness.
This wisdom on marriage should be inscribed in
gold and treasured inside the mind and heart because it
is the key to successful marriage.
B- Passionate Expressions:
Allah (The Exalted) created the female distinguishing
her from the male with an igniting passion. Without
it, woman would never have loved and sought to
conceive a child for nine months with great effort and
exhaustion. Besides, she suffers an excruciating pain
while giving birth to her child after which she holds it
with great passion although it deprives her later from
the sweetness of sleeping. Moreover, she continues
fostering her baby at the expense of her own comfort.
This issue derives entirely from the passion that Allah
installed inside the female. She, from her youth, must
give attention to this issue. Therefore, the Prophets
Household (pbut) instructed us, based on the verses
of the holy Quran, to give attention to the children
beginning with The females before the males.(1)
At this point, the significance of the husbands
consideration to this passionate side of his wife plays
a role. He must express his love and passion towards
her. Perhaps this issue represents the best nutrition for
this stage in order to enhance the bond of relationship
between them, which can mirror great effect on the soul
(1) Husseinan-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael (Following the Means), reviewed and published by Moassasat AalAlbayt (AalAlbaytFoundation), 1st edition, Qum, 1407 AH,
Vol. 15, P. 118.
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of the woman, as indicated by the Honorable Prophet

(pbuh&hh) saying: A Man, saying to a woman I love
you, will never depart her heart.(1)
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One of the kind issues that I experienced was

when I gave consultation to two suitors (two spouses
I saw before their wedding) regarding a problem
that escalated between them. They did not explain
the problem to me in a clear and conclusive manner.
Therefore, I kindly asked her fianc to wait outside the
office in order to speak with her without him present.
When I asked her about the real reason in her view
behind the problem that ignited her negative attitude
towards him she said, I do not know whether he loves
or loves me not. He has not told me, not even once, that
he loves me. Therefore, when I called him back inside
the office and asked him do you love her, he replied
yes. I asked him, have you mentioned to her even once
that you love her?
His surprising answer was, I am not a child to tell
her that!
569, hadith or speech 59.
C- Taking the Special Relationship One Step at

a Time:
Among the significant issues, which the young
man must observe is that after the marriage contract
he becomes aware of the age of the girl and her past
education that was based on purity and bashfulness
when encountering a stranger. This is the case Praise
is to Allah for most of our social communities.
Being bashful and pure, the issue necessitates that
he does not shock her with his roughness and hastiness
in demanding her compliance with his sexual desires.
This issue, if it happens, might generate a psychological
complication for the girl,which can be difficult to be
resolved later. Therefore, he must gradually develop
the special relationship between them, in a way that
will generate desire and harmony for both parties, not
only for him.
D- Respecting the Wifes Parents, a Social Tradition
From the time of the marriage contract to the time of
the wedding, the girl might experience a psychological
and practical confusion due to the existence of two
of her guardians, the interests of whom might come
into conflict. These are her father and her husband. In
many cases, the parents might apply some restrictions
83
regarding the movements of their daughter with her

husband, prior to their wedding. Therefore, they for
example define a particular time for when she must
return home as well as might prevent their daughter
from sleeping over at the house of his parents, etc
84
These issues might upset the husband who, because

of them, will feel restricted. My advice regarding this
issue is for the couple to comply without creating any
problem with the parents of the wife. Besides, some
modern jurisprudent scholars regard this issue as
binding if it was part of the traditions of the society
and the contract took place based on these customs and
traditions. For example, someone might seek a legal
opinion asking: after a person contracts a marriage with
his future wife, can the father and mother of the wife
keep their daughter away from her husband, preventing
them from going out together.
The answer is, Should the contract take place
based on the customs and traditions of that region
and the residents of that region had certain habits and
traditions regarding the girls dates with her future
husband, and as long as they are not wedded, acting in
accordance with these traditions and customs becomes
an obligation.(1)
(1) Muhammad al-Wahidi, Ahkam al-Usrah (Family Rules), 1st edition, Beirut, Dar alMustafa al-Alamiyyah (al-Mustafa World Publishing House), 2010 AD, Vol. 1, P. 197.
E- Beloved Gifts
In many societies, the people became accustomed to
the fact that the wifes alimentation is not the husbands
responsibility prior to the wedding. Some legal
jurisprudent experts referred to this tradition to reach
their legal verdict. Therefore, they do not regard her
alimentation as part of the husbands responsibilities
until she becomes ready for the wedding.(1) However,
abstaining from offering the wife something or even
giving the little during this stage might give a negative
impression of the husband. In addition, the husband
must take the initiative that can help strengthen the
bond of love between them by letting the girl sense her
husbandsgenerosity towards her.
This generosity can be mirrored through the
consecutive gifts that express this love because
Generosity generates love and love generates
generosity.
F- Protection and Righteousness
The verse of the holy Quran They are clothing
for you and you are clothing for them (2),which
expresses the husband and wife as being clothes, bears
(1) Same previous source, P. 195-196.
(2) The Holy Quran: Al-Baqarah (The Cow), chapter 2, verse 187.
85
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several meanings that can help by contemplating on the

nature or type and function of the clothing. Part of the
function of such clothing is protection that is a required
value in the matrimonial life right from the beginning
of the engagement. This issue necessitates, when
disagreement occurs, secrecy regarding all arguments.
Both must slowly address the problems without any
external interference. If the issue requires interference,
my advice to them is to avoid referring to their parents.
Instead, they must refer to someone else other than
their parents; someone who is famed for his wisdom
and experience in helping to solve such matters.
If the issue necessitates referring to the parents,
my advice to the husband is not to refer to his
parents. Instead, he must refer to his wifes mother.
In addition, the wife must not refer to her parents.
She must refer to her husbands father. This is the
best way to approach the issue and will keep at bay
any interventions that can be overwhelmed by the
passion and pride of the parents, which will be at the
expense of the spouses.
G- Stage Evaluation
After a certain period of engagement following
the contract, and after they have discovered each
other regarding negative or positive issues, it will be
beneficial for each to create independently a table of

three categories:
In the first category: he records his own personal
negativities regarding this new relationship.
In the second category: he records the positivities
of the other party regarding this relationship.
In the third category: he records the negativities of
the other party regarding this relationship.
Later, they sit together in peaceful meetings to
confirm the positivities and strengthen them and to
make a vow to adopt a program that will reform items
that were categorized under negativities.
This issue might require them to consult a social
specialist such as a religious scholar who is well
experienced in social matters and ask his advice on
how to deal with these negativities.
87
Wedding Ceremony
The Wedding of Az-Zahraa (pbuh)
Wedding procession is not a new term. It has been
used in the stories that were attributed to the Honorable
Prophet (pbuh&hh) such as in his words: Carry your
brides in procession at night and feast at daybreak.(1)
Wedding party is not a new method to celebrate the
grooms. It is actually an original issue in the history
of Islam, which narrates to us the wedding ceremony
of Imam Ali (pbuh) and Lady Fatimah Az-Zahraa
(pbuh). For example, Imam al-Baqir (pbuh) was
quoted as saying: Jabir Bin Abdullah al-Ansary talked
to me and said that the night when Allahs messenger
(pbuh&hh) gifted Fatimah (pbuh) to Ali (pbuh), he
called for Ali (pbuh) and seated him to his right then
asked for her (pbuh) and seated her to his left. Next,
he gathered their heads and rose up with them while
standing in their midst making way to the house of Ali
(pbuh). Hence, Gabriel exclaimed to the angels Allah
(1) Abu Jafar at-Tousi, Tahzeeb al-Ahkam (Rectifying the Verdicts), Vol. 7, P. 418.
89
is great; the Prophet (pbuh&hh) heard him and he also

exclaimed Allah is great and so did the Muslims. This
was the first exclamation in a wedding, which became
a tradition.(1)
90
In another story, regarding the wedding of Lady

Az-Zahraa (pbuh), it was reported that The prophet
(pbuh&hh) instructed the daughters of Abdul Muttalib
and the women of the Muhajireen (Immigrants) and
Ansar (Partisans) to spend their time accompanying
Fatimah (pbuh), rejoicing, uttering thrills, glorifying,
praising the lord and speaking only words that please
Allah.(2)
Manners during Wedding Ceremony
By referring to the previous reports, we can organize
the issues, which the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh)
encouraged regarding marriage ceremony, under the
following titles:
1- The wedding ceremony must take place at night, not
in daylight.
Imam ar-Ridah (pbuh) explained the reason for this
issue when he was quoted as saying, As a tradition,
marrying should take place at night. Allah hath
(1) Husseinan-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael (Following the Means), Vol. 14, P. 197.
appointed the night for stillness and women are simply

the stillness.(1)
2- Men and women can utter exclaiming Allah is great.
3- Women can accompany the bride in a joyful
procession.
4- Women can compose poetry.
5- Praises to Allah (The Exalted) can be uttered by
everyone.
6- Offering food: the first story defined that food be
offered in daylight, not at night.
Some reports instruct that food be preferably offered
as a feast. Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) was quoted as
saying, There is no feast except in five occasions:
1- A wedding.
2- Post labor (after giving birth).
3- At the time of circumcision.
4- On purchasing a house.
366.
91
5- On the arrival of a pilgrim (returning from Makah).(1)

Wedding, Licit and Illicit
The wedding ceremony represents the happy
entrance to the matrimonial life. Therefore, the faithful
man and woman must seek the satisfaction of Allah
(The Exalted) by living a state of joy and happiness
without committing any sin, God forbid.
92
Nowadays,we hear many stories about people in our

society who have been tried by certain conduct that took
the wedding ceremony out of the licit circle into that
which Allah (The Exalted) forbade. People might face
situations requiring carefulness so that the ceremony
remains inside the circle of the divine satisfaction as in
the following titles:
1- Songs and Music
It is axiomatic that wedding ceremony represents
an occasion for joy and rejoicing. Islam stipulated this
issue. We mentioned earlier that the Prophet (pbuh&hh)
instructed the daughters of the Immigrants and
Partisans to rejoice during the wedding of his daughter
Fatimah (pbuh). However, it is unfortunate that a large
number of people in our society continue to perform
(1) Muhammad Bin Ali as-Saddouq, Man La Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He who is Unattended
by the Jurisprudent), Vol. 3, P. 202.
the rejoicing habitthat is associated with wrongdoings.

One can observe many people at weddings drawn into
forbidden songs and music although the licit and joyful
alternatives are available.
At this point, I wish to define the forbidden songs
and music to help the people avoid them.
Forbidden singing is simply A mans voice
containing melody that harmonizes with the sessions
of diversion and sin.(1)
The forbidden music is The diverting music that
harmonizes with sessions of diversion and sin.(2)
The issues that render songs and music illicit are
many. One example of these issues is the instrumentalist
who happens to be a famous singer. In this case, his
music becomes illicit for listening. In addition, it is
forbidden to listen to words (licit) if they are associated
with forbidden melodies. Besides, the nature of the
place may contribute to rendering the singing and
music ceremony illicit, which would render the
wedding ceremony illicit in its entirety through either
live or recorded songs and music.
(1) Ali al-Khamenei, Ajwibat al-Istiftaat (Legal Questionnaire), 6th edition, Beirut,
Moassasat al-Maaref al-Islamiyah (Islamic Knowledge Foundation), 204, Vol. 2,
P. 22.
93
2- Dancing
The Jurisprudent scholars such as Imam Khamenei
(Allah protect him) did not forbid the dancing of a
woman in front of other women at all. Instead, scholars
out of precaution forbade the dancing that goes
under the abnormalcategory or when the women
session (ceremony) changes into a session of purely
dancing, whether it pertained to a wedding or another
occasion.(1)
94
As for men, if his physical movements do not

take the form of dancing there is no problem. When
suspicious, avoiding the issue becomes an obligatory
precaution.(2)
3- Clapping Hands
There is no problem regarding hands clapping that
is familiar to people. For men or women the issue is
permissible as long as it does not accompany a corruptive
behavior. However, it is better to fill the atmosphere of
the ceremony with the glorification of Allah and the
appraisal of the Prophet and his Household (pbut).(3)
(1) Special questionnaire that arrived on 28/10/1389 AH.

(2) Same previous source.
4- Mixed Wedding
It is definite that holding a wedding ceremony in
two separated places, one for men and one for women
is nearer to piety and more secure from misconduct.
Mixed weddings often lead to forbidden acts such
as exposing the bride with her makeup to strangers.
Mixed weddings can also lead to other forbidden
issues. Besides, privatizing a wedding for women alone
will give them the freedom to rejoice freely unlike
the mixed wedding where precaution is necessary. A
wedding ceremony for women alone will help them
preserve their decency and purity.
5- Photography
One of the important issues, which woman should
be aware off when attending a wedding for women
alone, where they take their freedom regarding the
nature of the clothes and makeup is the issue of taking
photographs. Some women take photographs without
any regulations, especially in shade of the widespread
cellular phones with cameras. In this case, there is fear
that careless women might show the pictures of the
unveiled women at the wedding to male strangers. This
issue necessitates a regulation measure at the place of
the ceremony.
95
Wedding Night Decorum

The wedding night is the most important station
in the life of man, whether on the psychological or
physical level. Therefore, both the bridegroom and
bride must be prepared for a number of issues:
Cultural Level
One of the keys to happiness in the matrimonial life
is the appropriate sex education. The nonexistence of
this education in its proper form can open the door to
problems and tensions in the life of the grooms. On
reviewing several cases of married couples regarding
the problems that face them in their lives, it became
clear that most of the issues presented were merely
superficial regarding the relationship. However, the real
problem resided in the special relationship between the
couple. The problem might be due to a wrong approach
during the wedding night, which can add complications
to the relationship.
Therefore, the parents, directly or indirectly, must
97
98
provide their children with the correct instructions

about the nature of the special relationship. This
way, the couple can obtain some carnal knowledge
for their first night. Moreover, one the issues that
the bridegroom should consider is the bashfulness
of the bride, gradually developing his relationship
with her, beginning with emotional expressions
that please her heart. Furthermore, the bride should
accept to interact with her husband, even gradually
because the bashfulness of the woman is required
as Allah (The Exalted) favors it except in the
bond of marriage. For instance, the Noble Prophet
(pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, The best of your
women is she who, when alone with her husband,
removes her shield of bashfulness.(1) However,
during the night of their wedding, the virgin bride
should pay attention to the nature of her interaction
that should not be extreme to avoid raising her
husbands suspicions.
Aesthetic Level
In parallel with its call to humankind, Islam gave
a special invitation to the spouses to give attention to
cleanliness, beautification and perfume wearing.
(1) Muhammad Bin Yacoub al Kulaini, Fourou al-Kafi (al-Kafi Branches), Vol. 5, P.
324.
Cleanliness
Islam emphasized on the importance of cleanliness.
Prophet Mohammad (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying,
Clean yourself to the best of your ability because Allah
built Islam on cleanliness. Only the clean will enter
heaven.(1) The eye-catching issue was the reports that
whenever the Honorable Prophet (pbuh&hh) wished
to give (in marriage) one of his daughters he would
instruct her not to approach her husband unless she has
washed first.(2)
The accounts also noted a prophetic guidance to
Muslims, which reads:
Wash your clothes, trim your hair, brush your teeth,
adorn and clean yourselves, as the children of Israel did
not do so, hence their women fornicated.(3) Imam AsSadiq (pbuh) quoted his ancestors who quoted Allahs
messenger (pbuh&hh) as saying, Prepare yourself for
your wife as she prepares herself for you. Moreover,
the Imam (pbuh) explained the prophets words saying,
In other words, preparation means cleanliness.(4)
(1) Muhammad Ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 4, P. 3303.
(2) Muhammad Ar-Rayshahri, Tahzeeb al Usrah Min Minzar al Kitab Was As-Sunnah
(Enhancing the family from the prospect of the book and the doctrine), P. 206-207.
(4) Muhammad Baqir Al Majlisi, Bihar al Anwar (Oceans of Light), Vol. 79, P. 307.
99
Beautification
100
Among the descriptions of Allah (The Exalted) is

that of being beautiful, and He loves these qualities to
be manifested in his faithful servants. For example,
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying, Allah is
beautiful and loves beautification as He hates misery
and miserable behavior.(1) Besides, the messenger of
Allah (pbuh&hh) was quoted as saying, The man has
an obligation towards his wife as she has towards him.
He must adorn himself for her as she (without sinning)
adorns for him.(2)
Moreover, Zorwan al-Madaeni was quoted as
saying, I visited Abul Hassan the second [Imam arRida (pbuh)] and found him to have dyed his hair. I
said, you have dyed your hair, may I shield you with
my soul. He replied, Yes, there is a reward in dyeing.
You should know that beautification increases the
chastity of women. Do you think you will be pleased,
when visiting your wife, to see her as she sees you
unprepared? I said, no; and he (pbuh) said, This is it.(3)
(1) Al-Hassan bin Yusuf al-Hilli, Mokhtalaf Ash-Shia (Varieties at Shias), 2nd edition,
Qum, Moassasat An-Nashir al Islami (Islamic Publishing Foundation), 3141, Vol.
1, P. 83.
(2) Muhammad Ar-Rayshahri, Tahzeeb al Usrah Min Minzar al Kitab Was-Sunnah (Enhancing the family from the prospect of the book and the doctrine), P. 206.
567.
Wearing Perfume
Quotations from the inerrant Imams are numerous
regarding the preferable wearing of perfume. For
example, imam al-Ridha (pbuh) was quoted as saying,
Perfume is part of the manners of the prophets.(1)
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying,
Whatever you spend on perfume is not deemed
extravagance.(2)
In addition, the biography of the Honorable Prophet
(pbuh&hh) reads, he would spend on perfume more
than he would spend on food.(3) Islam prohibited the
woman from letting her perfume emanate in presence
of strangers. Any woman who does so is cursed until
she returns home, whenever she returns.(4)
On the other hand, Islam encourages the woman to
wear perfume for her husband. Imam al-Hussein (pbuh)
was quoted narrating a story on the preparation of the
Lady of the women of the worlds Fatimah Az-Zahraa
(pbuh) saying, When Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh)
gave Fatimah (in marriage) to Ali for (a dowry of) 480
dirham, the Prophet (pbuh&hh) instructed him to spend
(2) Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi,Makarim al-Akhlaq (Nobility of Character), P. 60.
(3) Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The Scale of Wisdom), Vol. 2, P. 1756
101
two thirds on perfume and one third on clothes.(1)

At this point, Ali, commander of the faithful (pbuh),
would encourage the woman saying, Let the Muslim
woman wear perfume for her husband.(2)
Spiritual Level
The rightful religion invited us to services (worships)
that are part of the manners required for the wedding
night due to their spiritual influence on the couple.
Some of these services are:
102
1- Ablution (Wudu)
The Hadith stated, Maintain ablution if she
joins you.(3)
2- Performing a 2-part prayer
It is similar to the Morning Prayer. Preferably, each
of the husband and wife may practice a voluntary
2-part prayer. The Hadith stated, She (the wife)
prays a 2-part prayer as a preference And you pray
the same.(4)
(1) Muhammad an-Naysabouri, Rawdat al-Waezeen (The Preachers Garden), 1966 AD,
P. 146.
(2) Ali an-Namaazi ash-Shahroudi, Mustadrak Safinat al-Bihar (Following the Oceans
Vessel), Vol. 6, P. 611.
3- Supplication
It comes after the 2-part prayer. Three traditional
supplications have been mentioned:
First supplication:
Let the husband pass his hand over her head
and say, O Allah, bless my wife in my favor, bless me
in her favor, and bless our union. Unite us together
in goodness and fortune. Should You ordain our
separation, let it be for better.
The husband adds,Praise is to Allah Who guided
me from going astray, enriched me from my poverty,
strengthened me from my laziness, honored me
from my humility, sheltered my family, gave me (in
marriage) away from my bachelorhood, exploited
my career, amused my loneliness, and upgraded my
lowliness. I thank You greatly for what You gave me O
lord, for what You ordained and for Your generosity.(1)
Second supplication:
Imam as-Sadiq (pbuh) was quoted as saying, If you
join your wife touch her head then face the Kiblah and
say O Allah, I have taken her as Your trust and have made
(1) Abu Hanifah al-Maghribi, Daaem al-Islam (Pillars of Islam), Vol. 2, P. 21, Hadith
772.
103
her lawful for myself by Your words. If you have decreed

for me a child from her, then make it blessed and pious
as one of the followers of the Household of Muhammad;
allow Satan not to have any part or share in it.(1)
Third supplication:
104
The infallible Imams (pbut) were quoted as saying,

If the wedding approaches the wife may preferably
pray a 2-part prayer. Keep yourself pure (have
performed ablution [wudu]) before she joins in with
you; and you may pray the same, praise Allah and ask
Him to bestow His blessings upon the Prophet and his
Household. Moreover, say O Allah, bless me with her
affection, love and her acceptance of me; and make me
pleased with her; bring us together in the best form of a
union and in absolute harmony; surely You like lawful
things and dislike unlawful things.(2)
4- Washing the brides feet
It was reported that Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh)
instructed Ali (pbuh) saying, O Ali, when the bride
enters your home take her shoes when she sits down
and wash her feet.(3)
500, Hadith 2.
(3) Muhammad Bin Ali as-Saddouq, Man La Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He who is Unattended
by the Jurisprudent), Vol. 2, P. 551.
5- Pouring water inside the house

According to the same previous report,
Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) continues with his
recommendation to Imam Ali (pbuh) saying:
Moreover, pour water beginning with your doorstep to
the farthest point of your house. If you do so, Allah
will cast out of your house seventy thousand colors
of poverty, and will bring in seventy thousand colors
of grace, and will bestow upon it seventy thousand
mercies that will flap above the head of the bride until
each corner of your home gains her blessing(1)
105
First Days after the Wedding

On the day that follows the wedding night, the
couple must wake up to a new life with changing
responsibilities and a changing style of life that is
different from the previous one. The true nature of each
one will begin to emerge and each of them will be open
to new issues that were private to the other in the past.
To challenge these changes and emergencies, the
couple must behave regarding the following issues:
Disliked Behavior
The husband or wife might be surprised by the
annoying behavior that might occur from the other
party. These attitudes will come to surface as a natural
cause of the emerging true nature after removing the
false appearance. At this point, we must stress on the
principle of feigning inattention to a high level. I pointed
to this issue earlier as part of the recommendations
relating to the period between the contract and the
wedding based on the previous wisdom, Marriage is
107
a measure, one third equals shrewdness and two thirds

equal inattentiveness. Therefore, both must forgive
each other for the negative behaviors in order to pave
the road for an attempt to reform them with calmness,
easiness and balance.
Questions and Gossiping of the Others
108
These days, many issues can happen on the night

of the wedding, which will make the couple wonder,
especially the wife, such as someone asking about the
private relationship between the couple.
At this point, we must give attention to one of the
useful phrases of Allah (The Exalted) regarding the
spouses, They are raiment for you and ye are raiment
for them.(1) One of the functions of the raiment is
concealment. In other words, their private matters must
remain secure inside the framework that Allah (The
Exalted) loves, which is security. Man wears clothes
to protect him from cold and similar issues. Both
spouses must protect each other. Man was born with a
natural defensive mechanism that will protect him. For
example, if he suddenly falls on the ground, the brain
will give order to protect the fragile organs. Moreover,
when someoneattacks another, he will usually take the
initiative to retaliate in defense. The spouses must act in
(1) The Holy Quran:Al-Baqarah (The Cow), chapter 2, verse 187.
the same manner. The wife, according to the logic and

expression of the holy Quran, derives from the soul of
the husband, not another soul, And of His signs is this:
He created for you helpmates from yourselves that ye
might find rest in them, and He ordained between you
love and mercy.(1)
Therefore, as man defends his wellbeing he must also
defend his wife. Moreover, as she defends her wellbeing
she must defend him. Therefore, whenever she hears
other women talking negatively about him or he hears
the same about her, they both must avoid emotional
reaction and take the initiative to defend each other.
For example, he, defending himself because he knows
he is innocent, must also defend her the same way. The
person circulating the news is playing the role of the
talebearer who wishes to cause separation between the
people. The answer that Allah (The Exalted) favor is
abstention, avoid listening. Later, both husband and
wife can sit together and discuss what they heard
quietly should they suspect its authenticity. This way
they will remove any doubt that might have entered
their hearts.
Parents within the Memory of the Grooms
The bride was her parents little sweetheart in a
(1) The Holy Quran:Ar-Rm (The Romans), chapter 30, verse 21.
109
110
previous stage of her life. Her mother cooked food for

her without any effort on her part. The mother saw her
as a young student that must study. No housework -as
some parents may express-. Moreover, she received
commendation and indulgence from her father who still
regards her as his little darling whom he must protect
from any annoyances. On the other hand, the bridegroom
was the lord inside his parents house, where his mother
overwhelmed him with affection, service and care. He
would also receive a great attention from his sisters.
However, these two pampered persons have become
after the wedding night two responsible persons. Those
days have gone. Now, each one of them must face new
responsibilities regarding the affairs of the house and
livelihood. At this point or in this situation, the bride
might recall her indulgence by her parents and say
to her husband, I did not encounter this life at my
parents house. In addition, he might remember his
indulgence by his parents and say, I would have never
tolerated this issue at my parents. She might also say,
My father will not be pleased in such a life for me.
He might also say, My mothers food was tastier. My
sister would iron my clothes, etc
Invoking these scenes as examples of the conversation
of the spouses might mirror a negative effect on their
relationship. It might even make the relationship tense
between the husband and her parents as well as the wife

and his parents because of these exaggerations, which
the husband and wife must avoid in order to march in
perfection together with their conviction in the new
pattern of their life.
Lonesome Feeling
The bride might experience during her first days of
marriage a lonesome feeling. She lived in a house full
of vividness with her parents and siblings. Today, she is
living alone in her own house after her husband left to
work. Feelings of boredom and weariness might attack
her. If this happens, she must deal with it because it
is a negative issue. She must seek her husbands help
and join some programs that can complete her, such
as finishing her college or joining a cultural college or
other useful training courses. In addition, the husband
must give attention to his role by being present most
of the time at home, especially during the first stage of
their matrimonial life.
New Relationships
It is normal for the husband and wife to experience
new emerging relationships, such as the husbands
acquaintances with the wifes friends and relatives and
vice a versa. These acquaintances might begin during
111
the early days of receiving congratulations for the

marriage. At this point, we must consider two issues:
112
One: each of them must react positively with the new

arriving visitors, even if both had to employ the method
brother in smile. For example, commander of the
faithful (pbuh) divided the brothers into two sections:
brother in trust, and brother in smile. The first
section refers to the strong relationships whereas the
second refers to the formal relationships. Therefore, a
smile with your teeth showing is a sort of a relationship
protocol, which must be employed to discover in future
the person that is worthy of being a brother in trust.
Two: Both grooms must give attention right from
the beginning to the negativities of the irregular
socialization, which can truly lead to social gravities.
Mixing (men sitting with women) although is not banned
and forbidden, yet there is a number of legal verdicts
that invites the believers to limit the circle of mixing.
For example, Islam forbade woman from wearing
makeup in front of others, other than her husband.
Allahs messenger (pbuh&hh) banned this issue
saying, If she did, Allah has a duty to burn her in
the hellfire.(1)
Vol. 20, P. 162.
Woman is forbidden from wearing perfume that

others, other than her husband, can smell. A number
of previous reports were mentioned regarding this
issue.
Unmarried men and women are banned from
shaking hands or touching each other. For example,
the Prophet (pbuh) was quoted as saying, He who
shakes the hand of a woman who is unrelated to him
will face the rancor of Allah (The Exalted) and will
come on Judgment Day with his hands tied after
which he will be dragged to hell.(1)
Females must not show softness or share romantic
conversation with males. Allah (The Exalted)
said,If you fear Allah, then do not be soft in speech
[to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should
covet, but speak with appropriate speech.(2)
Desirous gaze is forbidden. One must lower his/her
gaze. Allah (The Exalted) said,Tell the believing
men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their
private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is
acquainted with what they do. And tell the believing
women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard
their private parts(3)
(2) The Holy Quran:Al-Azb (The Combined Forces), chapter 33, verse 32.
(3) The Holy Quran:An-Nr (The Light), chapter 24, verse 30-31.
113
Lowering the gaze means looking down in modesty

without scouring for details. Some stories reported that
the gaze is one of the poisoned arrows of Satan.(1)
A man joking with an unrelated woman and vice
versa jeopardizes the fortress of purity. For example,
Imam al-Baqir (pbuh) was quoted as saying to one of
his companions who joked with a woman, Do not do
it, never again.(2)
114
These rules and legal instructions call upon us to

examine the proper decorum regarding relationships
with others as well as examine the circle of mixing so
that the matters do not reach the dangerous zone of the
disliked outcomes.
P. 280.
(2) Muhammad Taqi at-Tastary, Qamous ar-Rijal (Men Dictionary), 1st edition, Qum,
Moassasat an-Nashr al-Islami (Islamic Publishing Foundation), 1425 AH, Vol. 12, P. 426.
Speech Literacy
At the beginning of their matrimonial life, the
husband and wife getting used to good conduct and
speech can mirror great positive effect that will help
the continuation of this favored pattern. Hence, it
will help with the continuity of harmony between the
spouses. I was fond of avillager who expressed this
idea by saying:
If a husband tells his wife: hey, bring me a cup of
water, she will answer: hey, take it. On the other hand,
if he tells her: my dear, do you mind bringing me a cup
of water, she will answer: here it is O light of my eyes.
This way of conduct and mannerism between
the couple holds great value. It can also produce the
satisfaction of the merciful lord and mirror great reward
and remuneration.
Therefore, Man can be rewarded simply by
handing his wife a morsel,(1) as stated by the Hadith
(the Prophets Traditional Speech).
The reward of the woman that reacts with such merit
can be examined in the story of the man who came to
the Prophet (pbuh&hh) saying, I have a woman who
115
welcomes me as soon as I arrive and bids me farewell

as I depart. Moreover, if she finds me concerned she
will say what concerns you. If you are concerned about
your sustenance, someone else has taken care of it. In
addition, if you are concerned about your after world, let
Allah increase your concern. The Prophet (pbuh&hh)
replied: Allah has servants; this is one of His servants
and she deserves half the reward of a martyr.(1)
Praise be to the lord of the worlds
Ramadan 1431 AH
116
P. 40.
Sources and References
(1)
1. The Holy Quran

A
2. Muhammad Bin al-Hassan at-Toussi, Al Amali,
Reviewed by Qism ad-Dirasat al-Islamiyah fi
Moassasat al-Bethah (Islamic Studies Branch of
the Mission Foundation), 1st edition, Qum, Dar
ath-Thaqafah (Culture Publishing House), 1414
AH
3. Al Akhbar Newspaper, Issue 1086, Date: April 09,
2010.
4. Muhammad al-Wahidi, Ahkam al-Usrah (Family
Rules), 1st edition, Beirut, Dar al-Mustafa alAlamiyah (al-Mustafa al-Alamiyah Publishing
House), 2010
5. Ali al-Khamenei, Ajwibat al-Istiftaat (Legal
Questionnaire), 6th edition, Beirut, Moassasat alMaaref (Knowledge Foundation), 2004.
(1) Alphabetized according to the Arabic name of the books
117
B
6. Muhammad Baqir al-Majlisi, Bihar al-Anwar
(Oceans of Light), Corrected by Muhammad Mahdi
al-Musawi al-Kharasani, Edition number unknown,
Tehran, Dar al-Kutub al-Islamiyah (Islamic Books
Publishing House), 1396 AH
D
118
7. Abu Hanifah al-Maghribi, Daaem al-Islam (Pillars

of Islam), revised by Asuf Faydi, 2nd edition, Egypt,
Dar al-Maaref (Knowledge Publishing House),
printing date unknown.
F
8. Muhammad Bin Yacoub al-Kulaini, Fourou alKafi (al-Kafi Branches), Reviewed by Ali Akbar alGhafari, edition number unknown, Beirut, Dar alAdwaa (al-Adwaa Publishing House), 1985.
H
9. Yusuf al-Bahrani, al-Hadaeq an-Nadhirah (The
Bright Gardens), edition number unknown, Qum,
Moassasat an-Nashr al-Islami (Islamic Publishing
Foundation), printing dated unknown.
J
10. Jalal ed-Dean as-Siyouti, al-Jame as-Saghir (The
Small Collection), 1st edition, Beirut, Dar al-Fikr
(Ideology Publishing House), 1981.
11. Hussein al-Brujardi, Jame Ahadith as-Shia
(Collector of Shia Speeches), edition number
unknown, Qum, 1409.
M
12. Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Mizan al-Hikmah (The
Scale of Wisdom), 2nd edition, Maktab al-Elam alIslami (Islamic Media Bureau), 1413 AH.
13. Muhammad Bin Ali as-Saddouq, Man La
Yahdoroho al-Faqih (He whos Unattended by the
Jurisprudent), edition number unknown, Beirut, Dar
at-Taaruf (Acquaintance Publishing House), 1991.
14. Hussein an-Nouri, Mustadrak al-Wasael
(Following the Means), reviewed and published
by Moassasat Aal Albayt le-Ehyaa at-Torath (Aal
Albayt Foundation for Reviving the Tradition), 1st
edition, Qum, 1407 AH.
15. Al-Hassan Bin al-Fadl at-Tabarsi, Makarim alAkhlaq (Nobility of Character), 1st edition, Beirut,
119
Dar al-Wifaq (Harmony Publishing House), 2000.

16. Muhammad Bin al-Hussein Ash-Shareef arRadhi, al-Majazat an-Nabawiyah (The Prophetic
Metaphors), corrected by Muhammadi Hoshmant,
1st edition, Qum, Dar al-Hadith (al-Hadith
Publishing House)
17. Muhammad Bin al-Hassan at-Toussi, al-Mabsout
(the explication), 2nd edition, Tehran, al-Haidariyah,
1388 Ah.
120
18. Al-Hassan bin Yusuf al-Hilli, Mokhtalaf ash- Shia

(Varieties at Shias), 2nd edition, Moassasat anNashr al-Islami (Islamic Publishing Foundation),
1413 Ah.
N
19. Nahjul Balagha (Peak of Eloquence), assembly
ofash-Shareef Ar-Radhi, edition numberunknown,
Beirut, Dar at-Taaruf (Acquaintance Publishing
House), printing date unknown.
O
20. Ali al-Wasity, Oyoun al-Hikam wa al-Mawaez
(Eyes of Wisdoms and Sermons), reviewed by
Hussein al-Birjandy, 1st edition, Qum, Dar al-Hadith
wa ath-Thaqafah (Hadith & Culture Publishing

House), printing date unknown.
Q
21. Muhammad Taqi at-Tastary, Qamous ar-Rijal (Men
dictionary), 1st edition, Qum, Moassasat an-Nashr
al-Islami (Islamic Publishing Foundation), 1425
AH.
R
22. Muhammad an-Naysabouri, Rawdat al-Waezeen
(The Preachers Garden), presented by Hassan
Kharasan, 1st edition, Najaf, al-Maktabah alHaidariyah (al-Haidariyah Bookshop), 1966.
T
23. Imam Ruhullah al-Khomeini, Tahrir al-Wasilah
(Practical Laws of Islam), Edition number unknown,
Damascus, Embassy of the Islamic Republic of Iran,
1998
24. Muhammad ar-Rayshahri, Taziz al-Usrah min
Monzar al-Kitab was-Sunnah (Fostering Family
from the View of the Book and Code of Conduct),
1st edition, Qum, Dar al-Hadith (Hadith Publishing
House), 1388 AH.
121
25. Jafar as-Sabhani, at-Tawhid wa ash-Shirk filQuran al-Karim (Unification and association [with
him] in the Holy Quran), 2nd edition, Beirut, Dar
al-Walaa (al-Walaa Publishing House), 2004.
26. Muhammad Bin al-Hassan at-Toussi, Tahzeeb
al-Ahkam (Verdicts Rectification), Comments by
Hassan al-Kharasani, edition number unknown,
Tehran, Dar al-Kutub al-Islamiyah (Islamic Books
Publishing House), 1390 AH.
122
W
27. Muhammad Bin Hassan al-Horr al-Amily,
Wasael ash-Shia (The Means of Shia), reviewed
and published by Moassasat Aal Albayt le-Ehyaa
at-Torath (Aal Albayt Foundation for Reviving the
Tradition), 2nd edition, Beirut, 2003.
Z
28. Az-Zawaj an-Najeh (Successful Marriage);
produced and published by Jameyat al-Maaref
(Knowledge Organization), 1st edition, Beirut,
2006.
Contents
Introduction....................................................................................... 7
From Bachelorhood to Marriage.....................................9
Young Mans Question: Whom should I marry?....21
The Girls Question: WhomShould I Marry?..........35
Principles of Acquaintance...............................................47
Engagement.............................................................................55
Marriage Contract.................................................................67
Between Marriage Contract and Wedding ...............77
Wedding Ceremony.............................................................89
Wedding Night Decorum..................................................97
First Days after the Wedding.........................................107
Sources and References.............................................................117
Contents..............................................................................................123
123
Other Publications of the Author

1- Haqiqat al-Jafr end Ash-Shia (The truth of al-Jafr
Book with respect to the Shias), Dar As-Safwah
(Publishing House)
2- Haqiqat Mushaf Fatima end Ash-Shia (The truth
of Fatimas Quran with respect to the Shias), Dar
As-Safwah (Publishing House). This book won the
Best Book Prize in 2003 A.D. at the International
Commandment Festival in Iran.
3- Wilayat al-Faqih, Bayn al Badaha wa al-Ekhtilaf
(Supreme Jurist Leadership, amid intuition and
differences), Dar As-Safwah (Publishing House).
This is a Masters thesis that was awarded excellence
coupled with commendation and recommendation
for publishing.
4- Dourous Fee elm Ad-Dirayah (Lessons in cognitive
science), Dar As-Safwah (Publishing House),
approved for use by the religious studies curriculum.
5- Mizan as-Siyar Wa As-Solouk (The Scale of
Biographies and Conduct), Dar As-Siraj Lith-
125
Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for Culture

and Publishing).
6- Kayfa Tajal Waladaka Salihan (How to make
your child righteous?), Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah
Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for Culture and
Publishing).
126
7- Kayfa Tarje Kama Waladatka Ummuk (How to

leap back to the day when your mother gave birth
to you?), Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr
(As-Siraj House for Culture and Publishing).
8- Limaza Noqallid? Kayfa Wa Man? (Why do we
imitate? How and Whom?), Dar As-Siraj LithThaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for Culture
and Publishing).
Translations to English and French by:
(Noun Center for printing and translation)
8-Why do we imitate? How and whom? English issue.
(Noun Center for printing and translation)
8-Pourquoi imiter? (suivre un concept) Comment? Et
qui? French issue. (Noun Center for printing and
translation)
9- Wa Layal (in) Ashr [And [by] ten nights (Inspirational
Ashura)], Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr

(As-Siraj House for Culture and Publishing).
10- Nidaa Ar-Rahil (Departure invitation (Death and
the Partition [amid both words]), Dar As-Siraj LithThaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for Culture
and Publishing).
11- Dalil al-Arousayn (The bride and bridegroom
manual, from Engagement to Marriage), Dar AsSiraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House
for Culture and Publishing).
11-The bride and bridegroom manual, from Engagement
to Marriage, English issue.
12-Barqiyyat al-Hussein peace be upon him (Al
Husseins telegram), Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah
Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for Culture and
Publishing)
13- Thalath Houqouq Lihayat Zawjiyyah Najiha (Three
rights made for a successful marital life), Dar AsSiraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House
for Culture and Publishing).
14- Saadat Az-Zawjayn Fee Thalath Kalimat (The
spouses happiness in three words), Dar As-Siraj
Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for
127
Culture and Publishing).

15- Hakaza Takoun Saeedan (Finding Happiness),
Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj
House for Culture and Publishing).
16- Wa Atmamnaha Biashr (And we completed it with
ten others (Inspirational Ashura)), Dar As-Siraj LithThaqafah Wa An-Nashr (As-Siraj House for Culture
and Publishing).
128
17- Al-Masael al-Musaffat Fee Ahkam At-Tahara Wa

As-Salat (Chosen matters regarding the rules of
purification and prayer).
18- Ahkam An-Nisaa (Women Matters).
19- At-Tableegh Min Wahei At-Tajribah (Information
inspired by experience).
20- Paulo em busca da verdade (Paulo, in search of
the truth), Portuguese issue.
21- ISLAM NO ORACAO A <<Assalat>> (Prayer in
Islam), Portuguese issue.
22- Khoyout Al Qubbaah (Hat linings), Dar As-Safwa
(Publishing House).
23- Hayek Al Qubbaah (Hat weaver), by Imam Sayyid
Abdul Hussein Sharaf Ed-Dean, Dar As-Safwa

(Publishing House).
24- Shahrullah (The month of Allah Decorum
Occasions Commanders), Bayt As-Siraj LithThaqafah Wa An-Nashr (Lantern House for Culture
and Publishing).
25- Yasalounaka An Allah (They ask you about Allah),
Bayt As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa An-Nashr (Lantern
House for Culture and Publishing).
25-1- They ask you about Allah, English issue.
26- Yasalounaka An al-Anbiyaa (They ask you about
the prophets), Bayt As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa AnNashr (Lantern House for Culture and Publishing).
27- Yasalounaka An al-Aèmmah (They ask you about
the Imams peace be upon them), Bayt As-Siraj LithThaqafah Wa An-Nashr (Lantern House for Culture
and Publishing).
28- Yasalounaka An al-Waley (They ask you about
the guardian), Bayt As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wa AnNashr (Lantern House for Culture and Publishing).
29- Kayfa Nabni Mujtamaan Arqa (How do we build
an advanced society).
129
30- Kayfa Natawasal Ma An-Nas (How do we

communicate with the people).
31- Qafilat al-Bashariyah, Min Safinat Nuh Ela Dawlat
al-Mahdi (The caravan of mankind, from the time of
Noahs ark until the time of the state of al-Mahdi
the guided one; may Allah hasten his advent).
You can review all these books and more
at siraj-alqaem website.
130
www.sirajalqaem.com
akrambaraket@sirajalqaem.com

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Bride & Bridegroom Manual

From Engagement to Marriage

Book: Bride & Bridegroom Manual (From Engagement to Marriage)

Publisher: Dar As-Siraj Lith-Thaqafah Wan-Nashr

(As-Siraj House for Culture and Publishing)

First Edition: Beirut, 2014 AD - 1435 AH

Special thanks go to translator Fouad Rustom

From Engagement to Marriage

In the name of Allah,

A Series of Al Qaem Pulpit Sermons

These issues address the needs of society

In the name of Allah

The Holy Quran: Ar-Rm (The Romans),