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SeparationAnxietyinChildren:EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
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SeparationAnxietyinChildren
EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
It'snaturalforyouryoungchildtofeel
anxiouswhenyousaygoodbye.Although
itcanbedifficult,separationanxietyisa
normalstageofdevelopment.With
understandingandthesecoping
strategies,separationanxietycanbe
relievedandshouldfadeasyourchild
getsolder.However,ifanxietiesintensify
orarepersistentenoughtogetintheway
ofschoolorotheractivities,yourchildmay
haveseparationanxietydisorder.This
conditionmayrequireprofessionaltreatmentbutthereisalsoalotthatyouasaparentcandoto
help.
Separationanxietyinchildren:whatsnormalandwhatsnot
Inearlychildhood,crying,tantrums,orclinginessarehealthyreactionstoseparation.Separation
anxietycanbeginbeforeachildsfirstbirthday,andmaypopupagainorlastuntilachildisfour
yearsold,butboththeintensitylevelandtimingofseparationanxietyvarytremendouslyfromchild
tochild.Alittleworryoverleavingmomordadisnormal,evenwhenyourchildisolder.Youcan
easeyourchildsseparationanxietybystayingpatientandconsistent,andbygentlybutfirmly
settinglimits.
Somekids,however,experienceseparationanxietythatdoesntgoaway,evenwithaparents
bestefforts.Thesechildrenexperienceacontinuationorreoccurrenceofintenseseparationanxiety
duringtheirelementaryschoolyearsorbeyond.Ifseparationanxietyisexcessiveenoughto
interferewithnormalactivitieslikeschoolandfriendships,andlastsformonthsratherthandays,it
maybeasignofalargerproblem:separationanxietydisorder.
Easingnormalseparationanxietyinchildren
Forchildrenwithnormalseparationanxiety,therearestepsyoucantaketomaketheprocessof
separationanxietyeasier.
Practiceseparation.Leaveyourchildwithacaregiverforbriefperiodsandshortdistancesat
first.
Scheduleseparationsafternapsorfeedings.Babiesaremoresusceptibletoseparation
anxietywhentheyretiredorhungry.
Developagoodbyeritual.Ritualsarereassuringandcanbeassimpleasaspecialwave
throughthewindoworagoodbyekiss.
Keepfamiliarsurroundingswhenpossibleandmakenewsurroundingsfamiliar.Havethe
sittercometoyourhouse.Whenyourchildisawayfromhome,lethimorherbringafamiliar
object.
Haveaconsistentprimarycaregiver.Ifyouhireacaregiver,trytokeephimorheronthejob.
Leavewithoutfanfare.Tellyourchildyouareleavingandthatyouwillreturn,thengodont
stall.
Minimizescarytelevision.Yourchildislesslikelytobefearfuliftheshowsyouwatcharenot
frightening.
Trynottogivein.Reassureyourchildthatheorshewillbejustfinesettinglimitswillhelpthe
adjustmenttoseparation.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separationanxietyinchildren.htm
1/6
9/13/2016
SeparationAnxietyinChildren:EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
Symptomsofseparationanxietydisorderinchildren
SeparationanxietydisorderisNOTanormalstageofdevelopment,butaseriousemotionalproblem
characterizedbyextremedistresswhenachildisawayfromtheprimarycaregiver.However,since
normalseparationanxietyandseparationanxietydisordersharemanyofthesamesymptoms,it
canbeconfusingtotrytofigureoutifyourchildjustneedstimeandunderstandingorhasamore
seriousproblem.
Themaindifferencesbetweenhealthyseparationanxietyandseparationanxietydisorderarethe
intensityofyourchildsfears,andwhetherthesefearskeephimorherfromnormalactivities.
Childrenwithseparationanxietydisordermaybecomeagitatedatjustthethoughtofbeingaway
frommomordad,andmaycomplainofsicknesstoavoidplayingwithfriendsorattendingschool.
Whensymptomsareextremeenough,theseanxietiescanadduptoadisorder.
Commonsymptomsofseparationanxietydisorder:worriesandfears
Kidswithseparationanxietydisorderfeelconstantlyworriedorfearfulaboutseparation.Manykids
areoverwhelmedwithoneormoreofthefollowing:
Fearthatsomethingterriblewillhappentoalovedone.Themostcommonfearachildwith
separationanxietydisorderexperiencesistheworrythatharmwillcometoalovedoneinthe
child'sabsence.Forexample,thechildmayconstantlyworryaboutaparentbecomingsickor
gettinghurt.
Worrythatanunpredictedeventwillleadtopermanentseparation.Kidswithseparation
anxietydisordermayfearthatonceseparatedfromaparent,somethingwillhappentokeepthe
separation.Forexample,theymayworryaboutbeingkidnappedorgettinglost.
Nightmaresaboutseparation.Childrenwithseparationanxietyproblemsoftenhavescary
dreamsabouttheirfears.
Commonsymptomsofseparationanxietydisorder:refusalsandsickness
Separationanxietydisordercangetinthewayofkidsnormalactivities.Childrenwiththisdisorder
often:
Refusetogotoschool.Achildwithseparationanxietydisordermayhaveanunreasonablefear
ofschool,andwilldoalmostanythingtostayhome.
Displayreluctancetogotosleep.Separationanxietydisordermaymakethesechildren
insomniacs,eitherbecauseofthefearofbeingaloneorduetonightmaresaboutseparation.
Complainofphysicalsicknesslikeaheadacheorstomachache.Atthetimeofseparation,or
before,childrenwithseparationdisorderoftencomplaintheyfeelill.
Clingtothecaregiver.Childrenwithseparationanxietyproblemsmayshadowyouaroundthe
houseorclingtoyourarmorlegifyouattempttostepout.
Commoncausesofseparationanxietydisorderinchildren
Separationanxietydisorderoccursbecauseachildfeelsunsafeinsomeway.Takealookat
anythingthatmayhavethrownyourchildsworldoffbalance,ormadehimorherfeelthreatenedor
couldhaveupsetyourchildsnormalroutine.Ifyoucanpinpointtherootcauseorcausesyoull
beonestepclosertohelpingyourchildthroughhisorherstruggles.
Thefollowingarecommoncausesofseparationanxietydisorderinchildren:
Changeinenvironment.Inchildrenpronetoseparationanxiety,itispossiblethatchangesin
surroundingslikeanewhouse,school,ordaycaresituationcouldtriggerseparationanxiety
disorder.
Stress.Stressfulsituationslikeswitchingschools,orthelossofalovedone,includingapet,can
triggerseparationanxietydisorder.
Overprotectiveparent.Insomecases,separationanxietydisordermaybethemanifestation
oftheparentsownanxietyparentsandchildrencanfeedoneanothersanxieties.
Separationanxietyortrauma?
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separationanxietyinchildren.htm
2/6
9/13/2016
SeparationAnxietyinChildren:EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
Ifitseemslikeyourchildsseparationanxietydisorderhappenedovernight,thecausemightbe
somethingrelatedtoatraumaticexperienceratherthanseparationanxiety.Althoughthese
twoconditionscansharesymptoms,theyaretreateddifferently.Helpyourchildbenefitfromthe
mostfittingtreatment.
Helpingchildrenwithseparationanxietydisorder
Youcanhelpyourchildcombatseparationanxietydisorderbytakingstepstomakehimorherfeel
safer.Providingasympatheticenvironmentathomecanmakeyourchildfeelmorecomfortable,and
makingchangesatschoolmayhelpreduceyourchildssymptoms.Evenifyoureffortsdont
completelysolvetheproblem,yourempathycanonlymakethingsbetter.
Tipsfordealingwithseparationanxietyinchildren
Thefollowingtipscanhelpyoucreateastableandsupportiveenvironmentforyourchild.
Educateyourselfaboutseparationanxietydisorder.Ifyoulearnabouthowyourchild
experiencesthisdisorder,youcanmoreeasilysympathizewithhisorherstruggles.
Listentoandrespectyourchildsfeelings.Forachildwhomightalreadyfeelisolatedbyhisor
herdisorder,theexperienceofbeinglistenedtocanhaveapowerfulhealingeffect.
Talkabouttheissue.Itshealthierforchildrentotalkabouttheirfeelingstheydontbenefit
fromnotthinkingaboutit.Beempathetic,butalsoremindthechildgentlythatheorshe
survivedthelastseparation.
Anticipateseparationdifficulty.Bereadyfortransitionpointsthatcancauseanxietyforyour
child,suchasgoingtoschoolormeetingwithfriendstoplay.Ifyourchildseparatesfromone
parentmoreeasilythantheother,havethatparenthandlethedropoff.
Tipsforhelpingchildrenwithseparationanxietyfeelsafeandsecure
Provideaconsistentpatternfortheday.Dontunderestimatetheimportanceofpredictability
forchildrenwithseparationanxietyproblems.Ifyourfamilysscheduleisgoingtochange,
discussitaheadoftimewithyourchild.
Setlimits.Letyourchildknowthatalthoughyouunderstandhisorherfeelings,therearerules
inyourhouseholdthatneedtobefollowed.
Offerchoices.Ifyourchildisgivenachoiceorsomeelementofcontrolinanactivityor
interactionwithanadult,heorshemayfeelmoresafeandcomfortable.
Tipsforencouraginghealthyseparationandindependenceinchildren
Keepcalmduringseparation.Ifyourchildseesthatyoucanstaycool,heorsheismorelikely
tobecalm,too.
Supportthechild'sparticipationinactivities.Encourageyourchildtoparticipateinhealthy
socialandphysicalactivities.
Helpachildwhohasbeenabsentfromschoolreturnasquicklyaspossible.Evenifashorter
schooldayisnecessaryinitially,children'ssymptomsaremorelikelytodecreasewhenthey
discoverthattheycansurvivetheseparation.
Praiseyourchildsefforts.Usethesmallestofaccomplishmentsgoingtobedwithoutafuss,a
goodreportfromschoolasreasontogiveyourchildpositivereinforcement.
Easingseparationanxietyinchildren:Tipsforschool
Addressthecauseforavoidanceof
Initiateaplanforyourchildtoreturntoschool
school.
immediately.Thismayincludegradualreintroduction
withpartialdaysatfirst.
Accommodatelatearrival.
Iftheschoolcanbelenientaboutlatearrivalatfirst,it
cangiveyouandyourchildalittlewiggleroomtotalk
andseparateatyourchildsslowerpace.
Identifyasafeplace.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separationanxietyinchildren.htm
3/6
9/13/2016
SeparationAnxietyinChildren:EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
Findaplaceatschoolwhereyourchildcangotoreduce
anxietyduringstressfulperiods.Developguidelinesfor
appropriateuseofthesafeplace.
Allowthechildcontactwithhome.
Attimesofstressatschool,abriefphonecallaminute
ortwowithfamilymayreduceseparationanxiety.
Sendnotesforyourchildtoread.
Youcanplaceanoteforyourchildinhisorherlunchbox
orlocker.AquickIloveyou!onanapkincanreassure
achild.
Provideassistancetothechild
Anadult'shelp,whetheritisfromateacheror
duringinteractionswithpeers.
counselor,maybebeneficialforboththechildandhisor
herpeers.
Rewardachild'sefforts.
Justlikeathome,everygoodeffortorsmallstepinthe
rightdirectiondeservestobepraised.
Combatseparationanxietyinchildrenbyrelievingyourownstress
Kidswithanxiousorstressedparentsmaybemorepronetoseparationanxiety.Inordertohelp
yourchildovercomeseparationanxietydisorder,youmayneedtotakemeasurestobecomecalmer
andmorecenteredyourself.
Thefollowingstrategiescanhelptokeepyourstressandanxietylevelsincheck:
Talkaboutyourfeelings.Expressingwhatyouregoingthroughcanbeverycathartic,evenif
theresnothingyoucandotoalterthestressfulsituation.
Exerciseregularly.Physicalactivityplaysakeyroleinreducingandpreventingtheeffectsof
stress.
Eatright.Awellnourishedbodyisbetterpreparedtocopewithstress,sobemindfulofwhat
youeat.
Practicerelaxation.Youcancontrolyourstresslevelswithrelaxationtechniqueslikeyoga,
deepbreathing,ormeditation.
Getenoughsleep.Feelingtiredwillonlyincreaseyourstress,causingyoutothinkirrationallyor
foggily.
Keepyoursenseofhumor.Theactoflaughinghelpsyourbodyfightstressinanumberof
ways.
Whentoseekprofessionalhelpforseparationanxietydisorderinchildren
Yourownpatienceandknowhowcangoalongwaytowardhelpingyourchildwithseparation
anxietydisorder.Butsomekidswithseparationanxietydisordermayneedprofessional
intervention.
Todecideifyouneedtoseekhelpforyourchild,lookforredflags,orextremesymptomsthatgo
beyondmilderwarningsigns.Ifyoureffortstoreducethesesymptomsdontwork,itmaybethe
timetofindamentalhealthspecialist.Remember,thesemayalsobesymptomsofatraumathat
yourchildhasexperienced.Ifthisisthecase,itisimportanttoseeachildtraumaspecialist.
Redflagsforanxietyseparationdisorderinchildren
Ifyouseeanyofthefollowingredflagsandyourinterventionsdontseemtobeenough,itmay
benecessarytogetaprofessionaltodiagnoseandhelpyourchildwithseparationanxietydisorder.
Ageinappropriateclinginessortantrums
Constantcomplaintsofphysicalsickness
Withdrawalfromfriends,family,orpeers
Refusingtogotoschoolforweeks
Preoccupationwithintensefearorguilt
Excessivefearofleavingthehouse
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separationanxietyinchildren.htm
4/6
9/13/2016
SeparationAnxietyinChildren:EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
Treatmentforseparationanxietydisorderinchildren
Childpsychiatrists,childpsychologists,orpediatricneurologistscandiagnoseandtreatseparation
anxietydisorder.Thesetrainedcliniciansintegrateinformationfromhome,school,andatleastone
clinicalvisitinordertomakeadiagnosis.Keepinmindthatchildrenwithseparationanxietydisorder
frequentlyhavephysicalcomplaintsthatmayneedtobemedicallyevaluated.
Specialistscanaddressphysicalsymptoms,identifyanxiousthoughts,helpyourchilddevelop
copingstrategies,andfosterproblemsolving.Professionaltreatmentforseparationanxiety
disordermayinclude:
Talktherapy.Talktherapyprovidesasafeplaceforyourchildtoexpresshisorherfeelings.
Havingsomeonetolistenempatheticallyandguideyourchildtowardunderstandinghisorher
anxietycanbepowerfultreatment.
Playtherapy.Thetherapeuticuseofplayisacommonandeffectivewaytogetkidstalking
abouttheirfeelings.
Counselingforthefamily.Familycounselingcanhelpyourchildcounteractthethoughtsthat
fuelhisorheranxiety,whileyouastheparentcanhelpyourchildlearncopingskills.
Schoolbasedcounseling.Thiscanhelpachildwithseparationanxietydisorderexplorethe
social,behavioral,andacademicdemandsofschool.
Medication.Medicationsmaybeusedtotreatseverecasesofseparationanxietydisorder.It
shouldbeusedonlyinconjunctionwithothertherapy.
Wheretofindhelpforseparationanxietydisorder
Ifyoususpectyourchildhasseparationanxietydisorder,startbyconsultingyourpediatrician,a
childdevelopmentspecialist,oroneoftheorganizationslistedintheblueboxbelow.
Ifyouwanttolearnthe
HelpGuideneedsyoursupport
skillsyouneedtocreatea
$17$1foreachofHelpGuides17years
secureattachmentwith
ofservice
yourinfant,FEELING
$31$1foreachofHelpGuides31topics
LOVEDcanhelp.
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CommunicatingWithYourChild
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Resourcesandreferences
Normalseparationanxietyinyoungchildren
SeparationAnxietyDescribessymptomsandstrategiesconcerningnormalseparationanxiety,
thatwhichdoesntrisetothelevelofadisorder.(Children,YouthandWomensHealthService,
Australia)
SeparationAnxietyDescribestypicalphaseofseparationanxietyininfants.(HealthyChildren.org,
poweredbytheAmericanAcademyofPediatrics)
SeparationAnxietyinYoungChildrenGivesadetaileddescriptionofnormalseparationanxiety,
withtipsforparentsandteachers.(NorthernCountyPsychiatricAssociates)
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separationanxietyinchildren.htm
5/6
9/13/2016
SeparationAnxietyinChildren:EasingSeparationAnxietyDisorder
Separationanxietydisorderinchildren
WhatisSeparationAnxietyDisorder?Examinesseparationanxietydisorderathomeandat
schoolforchildrenandteenagers,discussespossibletreatmentsandprovidestipsforhomeand
schoolintervention.(MassachusettsGeneralHospital)
AnxietyandChildrenProvidesanoverviewofseparationanxietydisorder,symptomsand
treatmentoptions.(AmericanAcademyofChildandAdolescentPsychiatry)
ChildhoodAnxietyDisordersProvidesinformationonanxietydisordersofchildrenand
adolescents,includingseparationanxiety.(AnxietyDisordersAssociationofAmerica)
Dealingwithseparationanxietyinchildren:Tipsforparents
SeparationAnxietyOfferspracticalsuggestionsforparentsdealingwithseparationanxiety
disorder,aswellasbookstoreadtochildren.(KidsHealth/NemoursFoundation)
5ParentTestedWaystoEaseSeparationAnxietyProvidestipsfromparentswhohavehelped
theirchildrenovercomeseparationanxiety.(Scholastic.com)
SchoolRefusalinChildrenandAdolescentsDetailedarticlewrittenforphysiciansaboutthe
problemofschoolagechildrenrefusingtogotoschool.Includesquestionsforparentstoconsider
aboutfearsandmotivationsofchild.(AmericanAcademyofFamilyPhysicians)
Wheretofindhelpforseparationanxietydisorderinchildren
IntheU.S.:
ZEROTOTHREE:NationalCenterForInfants,ToddlersandFamilies:(202)6381144
TheNewYorkFoundling24HourParentHelpline:18884357553
InCanada:
AnxietyDisordersAssociationofCanada:18882232252
IntheUK:
AnxietyUK:Helpline08444775774
InAustralia:
EarlyChildhoodAustralia:Helpline1800356900
Videolink
EmotionalTraumaVideoProvidesathirtyminutedocumentaryaboutpreventing,recognizing,
andhealingpsychologicaltraumainchildren.(HealingResources.info)
Authors:LawrenceRobinson,JeanneSegal,Ph.D,andMelindaSmith,M.A.Last
updated:May2016.
Helpguide.org.Allrightsreserved.ThisreprintisforinformationonlyandNOTasubstituteforprofessionaldiagnosisandtreatment.
Helpguide.orgisanadfreenonprofitresourceforsupportingbettermentalhealthandlifestylechoicesforadultsandchildren.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/separationanxietyinchildren.htm
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