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Issue 934 - Weekly Thursday 26th March 1998

Millbank tapes:
now the Tories step in
Bare Facts story revealed Labour’s “disgraceful act of deception” says Shadow Education Secretary
before the last election in order to secure
MattPannell their electoral support.”
Editor
Mr Dorrell then headed for the House of
Senior Conservative MP’s last Commons. Quoting the report in his speech
week seized on a recent Bare during the debate on the Teaching and
Facts report as evidence that the Higher Education Bill, which contains the
Labour Party committed a controversial fees proposal, he clashed with
‘disgraceful act of deception’ Margaret Hodge, Labour MP for Barking, in
an exchange documented in Hansard, the
before last year’s general elec-
record of all parliamentary debates. The
tion.
spokesman quoted in Bare Facts had, argued
Dorrell, “made it crystal clear at that official
Two weeks ago, Bare Facts exposed Labour
briefing that the Government did not intend
party spokesmen as having briefed student
to introduce tuition fees”. “That is not so”,
journalists, immediately before last year’s
interjected Hodge. “I shall read it again as
general election, that students would not
the honourable lady appears to have missed
have to pay tuition fees. In a briefing espe-
it” replied Dorrell, adding that the evidence
cially for student newspapers at the party’s
merely “confirms what we all know to be
Millbank headquarters, a spokesman had
true, which is that, ahead of the election,
said that “our proposals only relate to main-
Labour had decided to abolish the mainte-
tenance support....the public purse should
nance grant. Now, the Government like to
support tuition fees.” The party announced
claim that the passage in the manifesto
its decision to impose fees just months later,
made that explicit and clear, but it was care-
with Labour MP’s claiming that their policy
fully worded to obscure the Labour party’s
had not changed, pointing out that the
policy.”
Party’s manifesto was unclear on the issue.
The Conservatives, whose own track record
Stephen Dorrell MP, the Shadow Secretary
on managing higher education funding
of State for Education & Training, received
could hardly be called squeaky clean, went
Bare Facts on Friday 13th March, after it
on to attack David Blunkett, the Secretary of
was passed to him by staff working for the
State for Education accusing him of ‘being
National Union of Students. Dorrell then hit
in a mess’ with the current plans.
out at Peter Mandelson the following
Monday, in a press release issued from
NUS staff were pleased with the Tories’
Conservative Central Office. Commenting
swift response, and went on this week to
on the report, he said “It is now clear that
claim that if parents assessed to make a con-
before the last election the Labour Party
tribution under the new fees system fail to War of words -
deliberately misled students over their poli-
do so at the same rate as current defaults on
cy for the reform of higher education fund- Top: the original story, published on
assessed maintenance contributions, the
ing...Peter Mandelson manipulated his audi- 12th March.
shortfall faced by universities could total
ence into believing that students would not
£31 million. According to NUS President Middle: the response from the
pay tuition fees under Labour. Four months Conservative Party spin doctors.
Douglas Trainer, universities may end up
later, Labour cynically broke this
using selective recruitment, only taking on
pledge...Students up and down the country Bottom: an extract from Hansard, the
students whose parents will pay. record of parliamentary debates, from
now know that Labour deceived them
March 16th.

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 .

Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 .
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2 News
Jame
s Bull
er’s
News in Brief
NHS chiefs get ultimatum
NHS managers will face chop if they do not
cut their waiting lists for treatments. The
government is anxious to meet its flagship
manifesto promise to remove 100,000
patients from hospital waiting lists. If they
Consumer goods prices to come down
One week after the price hikes of the
Budget, the Chancellor and his EU counter-
parts have announced plans to cut the prices
of many products. Gordon Brown’s initia-
Art for every body
A sculptor has appeared in court accused of
stealing human remains from the Royal
College Of Surgeons. The macabre artist
A table for 15,000 please, waiter
15,000 Portuguese ate themselves into the
record books last week. They devoured the
largest lunch ever served-several tones of
the traditional dish "feijoada", at the longest
104 year-old driver causes chaos
A 104 year old Swedish driver could be the
oldest ever to be prosecuted for dangerous
driving. The old man caused mayhem while
out on his Sunday afternoon spin in his Ford
Cortina. Police say he ran red lights and
fail Health Secretary, Frank Dobson has
promised advice from those successful man-
agers but said they could ultimately be
sacked if they do not deliver.
tive has the aim of cutting the cost of food,
CD’s, sports goods and cars to match US
prices. It is hoped this will help ease the fig-
ure of 18 million out-of-work Europeans.
allegedly paid for an inside source to smug-
gle out body parts, including a head to make
sculptures. He is pleading not guilty.
table ever laid. They ate on what is now the
longest bridge in Europe: the Vasco da
Gama bridge, and used 200 buses to get to
their seats.
crashing into parked cars. Finally he got
stuck while doing a 3 point turn and ended
up going back and forth smashing into cars
on each side of the street. The man told
police that he drove daily.
Thursday 26th March 1998 n
Yeltsin sacks Russian
governement
Tracy Griffiths
o once again the Russian President
S Boris Yeltsin is making headlines all
over world. This time, however, his
health is not in speculation. He has sacked
the whole of his government, for lacking
“the dynamism required for the necessary
reforms.” He has confounded his critics,
who only one week ago were complaining
that he was incapable of decisive action.
How they have been proved wrong! He had
indicated that he was unhappy with his gov-
ernment when he bounced back from his
health scare in September and chastised
them for infighting.
When he decided to sack Prime Minister
Chernomyrdin, who had been widely con-
sidered as his successor, he had no choice
but to sack the whole of the government.
The economic and political problems that
Russia faces at the moment were, according
to Yeltsin, intensified by his ministers’ spo-
radic attempts at reform. Yeltsin now
intends to increase the speed of reform of
the state industries to improve Russia’s ail-
ing economy.
Who will assist him in this pace of change?
He has chosen a relative unknown to be
Titanic remains
unsinkable
Bruce Chapman
inning 11 Oscars in Monday
W night’s 70th Academy Award
Ceremony, Titanic has equalled
Ben Hur as the most celebrated film of all
time.
Winning the Best Picture award is justified
for this epic tale and the most expensive
film ever made. However, James Cameron
as Best Director? Was this just the
Academy steaming along on the wave of
public opinion? Titanic is more of an exer-
cise in good administration in comparison to
L.A. Confidential, Curtis Hanson’s direc-
toral masterpiece. This was slightly offset
by Kim Bassinger deservedly winning Best
Supporting Actress.
Other winners of the night? Jack Nicholson
earning yet another Oscar as Best Actor for
his performance as a compulsive-obsessive
in As Good As It Gets. Jack really is one of
the last remaining stars in Hollywood and
although he has his share of bad films to his
name, his latest performance will bring him
back to the public eye more than any of his
previous comeback vehicles.
Helen Hunt as Best Actress? Surprising and
controversial in the face of Kate Winslett
and Dame Judie Dench, but at the same time
a deserved winner for a talented and over-
looked actress, who now looks as though
she will no longer be confined to small-
Chernomyrdin’s successor, a 35 year old
“technocrat” from the Ministry Of Energy.
Sergei Kiriyenko is now a hair’s breadth
away from the Presidency of Russia,
because if Yeltsin does die (which seems
fairly likely despite the constant denials
from the Kremlin) he will become the acting
President.
So who are the losers in this sweeping
change? The main loser seems to be Viktor
Chernomyrdin, the former Prime Minister,
who had been a devoted and respected
member of Yeltsins’ government. Another
loser is the unpopular Anatoly Chubais, who
had been the Chief of Staff before being
demoted late last year to First Deputy Prime
Minister. Anatoly Chubais had been consid-
ered an excellent economist but his reforms
proved deeply unpopular and ineffective.
The fact that he is engaged to Yeltsin’s
daughter Tatyana Dyachenko, will make for
an interesting wedding!
This is the latest move by an ailing
President desperate to maintain a grip on
power despite his incredibly fragile health.
However, whether he will live to see the
next Presidential elections in the year 2000
is anyone’s guess. The Presidential race is
now thrown wide open and there are so
many contenders, will Yeltsin have the
strength to fend them off?
screen sitcoms in the states.
Good Will Hunting was the other winner of
the evening with Matt Damon and Ben
Affleck taking the award for Best Original
Screenplay and Robin Williams winning
Best Supporting Actor. Two nods of agree-
ment from this critic for one of the best
films to hit the big screen in a long time.
The losers? Well, The Full Monty was pret-
ty much overlooked, only taking one of the
Musical awards. This goes against popular
opinion, but in the fact of fierce competition
from Titanic, it only ever stood an outside
chance.
Perhaps the biggest surprise of the night was
Boogie Nights and Burt Reynolds leaving
the ceremony empty-handed. For another
amazing film and a great comeback perfor-
mance from one of the old stars of the
screen, this controversial picture was over-
looked in favour of what was, after all, a
film about a ship. At least the Academy are
as fickle as ever.
All in all, a record-breaking night for a sink-
ing ship, the stuffing knocked out of last
year’s mammoth winner The English
Patient, a drought of awards for us Brits and
The Full Monty remaining fully clothed. If
you haven’t done so already, go and see
Good Will Hunting, As Good as it Gets,
Boogie Nights, or - for the umpteenth time -
Titanic.
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n Thursday 26th March 1998 News 3

Talent Competition: Right on cue

the aftermath Tom Sherwen

inally, about time,

The results of Sunday’s tal-
ent competition proved con-
troversial, the six judges
Woman’ and ‘Techno Mozart’ to an
enthusiastic audience. Young band
Coy were up next, showing a great deal
of potential for future success in the
swimming against a tide of
talent competition...watch this space!
popular opinion on the day.
Calling Orson received a tremendous
So, what happened?
support from the audience and played
what they described as their ‘best set
Harriet Sims
ever’. Rounding up the day was Dave,
another young, up-and-coming band
ell, it’s all over. This year
“individual” conditions and
each match was played in a
sporting albeit very compet-
itive manner. Top prize of
1st Place
2nd Place
3rd Place
Dave
Housewife
Bohica
F thank god and at last,
were all comments
made by the forty-one
£10, a FNO ticket and an
extremely nice pool cue,
generously donated by
Guildford Automatics, went
entrants to the first
to Barry Willis. Having
University of Surrey pool
There were tears of happiness and dis- “bravely” beaten both the
competition for absolutely
appointment, some amazed faces and organisers in earlier rounds,
bloody ages. Despite a late
some disgruntled bands, but, in all Barry won an extremely
switch to Thursday night the
these things, judges’ decision is final close final against Jem
interest shown was well
and the music industry thrives on con- Ramazanoglu.
beyond anything I had

W saw probably the highest

standard of student talent
ever seen here. It was a difficult
who delighted the audience with their
catchy, poppy songs, and finished off
the proceedings on a high note (!!).
troversy. Huge congratulations to the
winners, Dave. We’ll be expecting big
things from you in the future.
hoped for or expected.

The tournament ran very

enough task for the judges deciding
who should go through to the final, but
the task of deciding the overall winner
was really tough.
The final afternoon began at 1.30,
along with Hari’s Beer Keller, which
also went down a storm. Bohica began
the day with their original and catchy
rock style and set the scene for an
astounding day. Housewife followed,
playing their favourites ‘Big Fat
The 6 judges were a good mixture of
performers, agents and band bookers
and went off into their huddle for what
seemed like forever. 35 minutes later,
Alan Roy emerged from behind the big
black curtains to announce this years
winners. He began by explaining
some of the criteria for judging; qual-
ity of songs, enthusiasm, audience
response and professionalism. Then
came the moment everyone had been
waiting for:
smoothly and special thanks
Congratulations to Barry
and everyone who took part
and in particular Belinda
And equally huge congratulations to
must go to Kev Chan who Olafsson who brilliantly
all the bands who took part, especially
helped me organise the first represented the female entry
those who made it through to the final.
of what I hope to be many entirely on her own. If an
Thanks to Stage Crew, who did a great
more pool competitions. If experimental competition
job throughout. Thanks to all the can be such a resounding
you are interested in help-
judges of the heats and the final, and success, there is no reason
ing, then just let me know
thanks to all of you, the audience, who why pool at Surrey cannot
through the new Pool
gave so much support to the acts and go from strength to strength.
pigeon hole. As to the actu-
made the whole competition such a
al competition, the standard
success. This will be a hard year to fol-
was excellent. Everyone
low.
played under the same

Mountaineers hold dinner The poetry corner

Eli Bowley
Colin Sermons
It was Friday the 13th; this didn’t
bode well for what is the highlight of
the USMC social calendar. But fear
not Eli Bird was in charge……
PANIC!!!
As five o’clock approached the mem-
bers of the University of Surrey
Mountaineering Club converged on an
unsuspecting Campusport brandishing
(in some cases, very new and shiny)
lead racks, smelly climbing shoes and
D.J.s. By about 5.20pm, and after a lot
of flapping in true bird-like fashion,
Eli had managed to shove 14 climbers
and the necessary supplies for the jour-
ney into the white minibus and they
were on their way, and more impor-
tantly out of her hair!!! (Feeling a bit
stressed were you?) Safe in the knowl-
edge that they would be stuck in the
traffic on the M25, that left a few more
people to wait for and eventually both
minibuses and the gear bus were Peak
District bound by about 7pm.
We reached the pre-arranged ren-
dezvous point (Translation: nearest
pub to where the first minibus ran out
of alcohol!) and were soon settled
down for a couple of bevvies.
The next day was spent (dare I say it?)
CLIMBING! Lots of people went up,
some came down faster than planned,
and others just sat around admiring the
view (getting windburn!).
We eventually descended upon the
plush unsuspecting hotel covered in
mud, sweat and glowing a nice shade
of red (saves on blusher!) all looking
forward to a nice warm shower and an
evening of drunken foolishness.
Dinner was eventually served after the
arrival of the ever late Joe McCarthy-
Holland and co. and the
fine cuisine was enjoyed
by everyone (so was the
wine!) After which it was
time to get down to the
serious business of the
award ceremony. This
saw members of the club
receiving various items as
awards to recognise
events throughout the
year. This was to include:
- mimicking a mood,
The Yellow laces - most
spectacular lead fall
(they’re the dangerous
ones!), the Cowboy of the
year, Golden Krab award,
most spectacular wimp
out of the year,
And Tart of the year.
We also gave special
awards for the most out-
standing comedy moments throughout
the year.
The hotel barman proved to be one
cool cookie, remaining un-flustered
when confronted with the dilemma of
who to serve first, The Playboy Bunny
with the whip or the Transvestite in the
pink dress (the least said about this the
better!!?!)
As the evening wore on and the bar-
man had started to drink with us (prob-
ably a wise course of action consider-
ing the sights in his bar - a bloke clean-
ing his nostrils with a condom etc. etc.)
and some people decided to toddle off
to bed. In the end the bar shut at about
2.30am (minus a few items) and peo-
ple went back to their rooms to either
sleep, throw up or pass out (or a com-
bination of all 3 in some cases!!!)
Sunday dawned another fine day (for
some people!!!) and a lot of the club
members managed to eat large
amounts of fried food, it was great (.
After we had eventually managed to
make everyone part with their keys and
nice warm beds, circus antics ensued
as we tried to extract the minibuses
from the hotel car park (with debatable
success!). Once more we headed for
the…. (Drum roll please!) …. CRAG!
And a day of some climbing, much eat-
ing of chocolate cake and the sport of
‘pushing the sleeping Arwel down the
hill’ (tee hee hee) followed. We made
good time on the journey home and
were in the Union in time for last
orders to nicely round off the weekend.
If you want to find out more about the
USMC, or want to have a go at climb-
ing, check out the club web-page or
come along to the Vertex at
Campusport any Wednesday afternoon
3pm to 5pm.
melodious - Wednesdays, Wates House, 5pm
Tip of a pen
Sure of a pen’s comfort;
It smoothes along,
follows my fingers’ desires,
touches the line here
and there;
its many curves undulate
forming loops, shallows, a trough, a peak,
silently communicating a voice, a heart,
releasing a constant stream of ink,
relentless like pity,
its tiny rasps murmur from the page,
its future clear,
clear like centimetres,
a true straight margin.
The page will always accept
wet kisses from its tip,
will always be held
in the tender embrace of three
fingers and even its plastic heart
is infinite in its expression:
can easily write words like ‘love’
or ‘hate’ and score through both,
can equally have the power of ambiguity,
the deviousness of words
or just mumble like scribbles.
Longing and desire waits
Like a page for ink.
Kevin Chan
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 4 (1,1)
4 Letters/Editorial
Talent contest decision ‘astounding’
Dear Editor,
I am writing to question the judges’ decision
to give Calling Orson no credit in the 1998
Talent contest. With no disrespect to Dave,
the eventual winners, I find it astounding
that a band who performed 8 of their own
songs and 2 covers throughout the competi-
tion should not be given the respect they
deserve. Especially considering that the
judges claimed that in addition to musical
talent they were looking for:
More ‘disbelief’ at talent contest result
Dear Editor,
I am writing to express my complete and
utter disbelief concerning the result of the
1998 Talent contest. For those of you who
are unaware, the result stands at: ‘Dave’
first, ‘Housewife’ second, ‘Bohica’ third
and ‘Coy’ and ‘Calling Orson’ last. This
result came as a complete surprise to almost
everybody in the Union. Having spoken to
all of the bands beforehand, the musicians
clearly felt that it was a direct fight between
Housewife and Calling Orson. When
Housewife was announced as second,
everybody assumed that Calling Orson had
reached the top spot. However, somehow
Dave stole the limelight. I agree that the
Talent show tantrums: Calling Orson were ‘discriminated against’
Dear Editor
What the hell happened in the talent con-
test?! Do the union have a problem with
Calling Orson. Without them unplugged
would have been nothing this year yet the
Union seem to have the problem with them.
There was a chance that Calling Orson
could play at the Charter Ball, but this never
happened, maybe the ball would have been
more successful if they had. Who fills in
when the Union is let down by another band
– Calling Orson! They were supposed to
play at the beginning of the semester and it
was cancelled. Now they’ve been discrimi-
nated against again. Were the judges blind
and deaf? Calling Orson should have at
least been placed. The criteria the judges
were using to judge the competition were a)
Band presence on stage; Calling Orson were
Johnny boy’s ‘wheels of pants’ just won’t do
Dear Editor
I read with interest the Entertainments
Guide in last weeks Bare Facts, mostly pay-
ing attention to next Friday’s arranged
entertainment.
After 10 hard weeks of work (okay - 3 hard
weeks of trying to get my essays in on time),
I was looking forward to a memorable
social occasion to mark the beginning of my
well-earned Easter holidays and to set
myself in fine spirits for the forthcoming
celebration of re-birth. I had asked myself
“What fine band will they provide for my
entertainment” on said night. After the ster-
ling work of getting the Lightening Seeds
and Finlay Quaye, I had high hopes. But I
looked down, and what did I see? Jonny
Boy Revell and his “wheels of steel”. His
wheels of pants more like. What a bunch of
arse. We are getting something that is used
Thursday 26th March 1998 n
Your Letters
Middle East: don’t forget the Palestinians
* Variety of Material
Dear Editor, the Middle East is due to the Arabs oppos-
* Audience Reaction and ing the UN partition plan for Palestine in
* Stage Presence. 1948. Can you blame them?
Imagine, if you will, the following situa-
tion.....
As one of the 100 or so enthusiastic audi- I myself, do not claim to be an expert on the
ence members that made their way to the You are happily living your life in Surrey
when suddenly on the news you hear that Middle Eastern situation, but it does seem to
dancefloor to witness the energetic perfor- me that as a nation we are very pro-Israel,
mance given by Calling Orson, and noting the UN have decided to create a homeland
for a large group of refugees. The site of the and that is not necessarily a bad thing in
the criteria stated above, I really feel that itself, but we should not ignore the plight of
they deserved better. homeland will be half of the UK, the bit
South of Birmingham (although you can the Palestinians who are in fact people who
keep a piece of London). Then you are have been displaced themselves.
Yours disappointedly
asked to please move out of the new home-
land and into some lovely settlements in the Just one more closing point, the author last
Vicki Bowers week made the point that Israel has not
North (no disrespect to Northerners of
course). Almost 50 years later you are still threatened its neighbours with chemical
weapons. Perhaps, the situation in Southern
judges do have, and are welcome to, their there, living in conditions which can only be
Lebanon should be looked at for what it is.
own opinions. However I am concerned as described as disgusting. Effectively, you
to how greatly their opinion differs to those have become the refugee. The question I
of the audience. I am well aware that the have for you is, would you refuse the UN Here’s to peace, and a compromise for both
sides!
result could never be reversed, though I partitioning plan?
would like to forward the idea that Calling
Orson should perform at the Graduation I am referring to a comment made in a letter Name & URN supplied
Ball. I think that as we are forced to support published in BF last week in which the
the judges’ opinion in the Talent Contest, author suggested that the current conflict in
for the Graduation Ball we should see the
acts that we, the students, want to see. I
A crap letter
know that I am not alone in this view and
they would prove incredibly popular. Dear Editor, clever version of crap. After all its better to
use crap than to be write it. (sic)
Looking forward to seeing the support that
I was pleased to see John Dear using the
Calling Orson deserve, Yours sincerely,
word 'crapulent' in his front page article last
week. It's always seemed apropriate for a
Jake Conway Andy Parton
newspaper devoted to student life as it
means 'suffering from sickness due to
excessive drinking'. However, it would
far better than Dave on stage, jumping about
probabally wise (sic) not to try to use it as a
and looking as if they were enjoying them-
selves and were far more confident than
Dave. b) Audience participation; who had
the most support and who’s performance did
the audience most enjoy? Dave? I don’t
think so! Calling Orson had far more sup-
port. The winners of the contest were sup-
posed to support Rootjoose and warm up the
audience. How can a band that can only
perform 4 songs be a support band when the
audience doesn’t even get involved? At the
end of the day the consensus view was that
the three best bands were Housewife,
Calling Orson and Bohica. If these three
bands had been placed in the top three, in
any order, there would have been far less
complaints, but as it is, it seems Calling
Orson has been discriminated against yet
again!
Liz Case
merely as a short slap-stick gag, a clever but
fairly unfunny parody of the outdated
stereotype of mobile disco DJ’s. I have to
ask myself is this meant as a satire on the
standard Union entertainment?
Please - you can do better than this.
Counteract the criticism of the Charter Ball
by providing a band that really are value for
money. After all, you have brought in many
fine bands for Sunday evenings. Can’t one
of those be persuaded to come back for a
second running?
Yours faithfully,
Daniel Stephens
P.S. Try and get the Dust Junkys (nb - not
“Junkies” as in last weeks album review).
They are brilliant.
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n Thursday 26th March 1998
Entertainments need rethinking
Dear Editor,
After all the recent debates regarding Iraq
and pornogrophy, I feel it’s time to return to
the basic issue of Ents, student needs and
value for money. It’s a classic case of one
step forward, two steps back for the union.
The semester began with the gross over-
charging of the first FNO, then greatly
improved with all the theme nights but now
looks like finishing on a damp note with the
final FNO featuring.......Johnny Boy Revel
and his Wheels of Steel!
OK so he would liven the evening up a bit
but is he really worth paying a fiver for just
to hear Cindies music for an hour and have
him say “have a great one”? We learnt from
the Christmas Ball that DJ’s who arrive at
midnight to play an hour long set really
don’t work as the main event of an evening,
Pornography campaigners hit back
Dear Editor,
Why, dear little boys, did you get upset? In
an ideal world, men and women would
show each other respect , be equal and get
the same treatment from people wherever
they went and from whomever they talked
to. There is no such thing as an ideal world,
but the world is a sad place. And if anything,
we felt sad when we read the reactions to
our letter about pornography in the universi-
ty. Where did people in this country go
wrong? Why do people get upset about
women being offended by pornography?
WHY? and why do you think we should
look the other way? If everybody looked the
other way every time they saw something
they didn’t like, the world would never
change. And while we are at it, WHY DID-
N’T PEOPLE WHO GOT UPSET LOOK
THE OTHER WAY in that case? We don’t
think pornography within a university is
okay. Once again - what people do at home
is their business. The old “soon we will have
people telling us what we can and cannot do
at home” just doesn’t work. Think twice
(Have you thought at all?!!)
We never said that all men who watch
pornography attack women (though there is
a clear connection between men who do
attack women and pornography). “Respect
is a commodity to be earned on one’s mer-
its, not issued on demand to half the world’s
population” writes one upset person (PR
Groves - Steve.). Really?! My God, are you
a sad little person? Don’t you think it’s a
better idea that all the people in this world
respect each other? You won’t know a thing
about most people you run into in your life,
does that mean that you don’t have to
respect them, because you can’t be sure that
they have actually earned it? Grow up.
The reason why we wrote the letter this term
and not last term was that we talked to the
Union in December and they said they
would take action in this issue. Since noth-
ing seemed to have happened, we decided to
write the letter. Though we do find it hilari-
ous that even the fact that it took us three
months before we wrote the letter upset you.
Talk about not having a life.... We think it is
a good idea that you contact Esther of
Vanessa, see BBC2 website for details as PR
Groves suggested.
Your Letters
especially when we are being asked to fork
out such a large amount of our limited cash.
It brings us back to basic student needs. It’s
the last night out before the long Easter
break and most people, after a stressful
exam week, just want to go out and have a
fun night in the union. It’s time the union
wakes up and stops taking us for granted.
One final thought, after the success of the
talent competition and the obvious quality
of some of our bands, isn’t it time that stu-
dent bands were given more of a chance to
play in the main union?
Mark Stuart
(For anyone interested in Entertainments in
the Students’ Union, the Ents Committee
meets at 6:15 every Monday in the Grant
Mitchell Room, downstairs in the Union,
and is open to all students - ed)
“Complaining about ladies with no clothes
is so eighties” is another comment. This is
not something which was only discussed in
the eighties (were you even born then?), but
continues to be discussed, Haven’t you
noticed? Sad.
Yes, everyone is most certainly entitled to
their opinion, but that doesn’t mean we have
to agree - does it? Once there was a man
called Hitler and he was entitled to his opin-
ion.....
“In this society, we citizens must tolerate the
harmless foibles of our fellow homosapiens
if civilisation as we know it is to be sus-
tained.” Wow, doesn’t that sound beautiful?
We almost cried when we read it. And of
course you are the one to decide what’s
harmless? There are plenty of people (sadly
enough) who think that child pornography,
for example, is harmless and they are enti-
tled to their opinion. That’s part of the civil-
isation you want to sustain. Because we
don’t want any changes - do we?
We never said that people shouldn’t be
allowed to watch pornography at home. We
just said that we do not want pornography
within the DEPARTMENTS of this univer-
sity. There is a clear difference you know (or
don’t you?). Even though 4 people wrote
lovely and well composed answers to our
letter we still don’t understand why you got
upset in the first place. It seems to us that
you were offended. Well tough luck!
Nobody in this place seems to worry a bit
about offending other people.
And for your information: of course we are
2 ugly, single virgins who wear grey M&S
knickers, who feel sick when we see naked
people and who hate sex! How did you
know ?!!! How dared we walk into Mr H’s
office? Actually, we weren’t a bit afraid!
We’re sure that Mr H appreciates your con-
cern though. And by the way: it’s Mrs X and
Ms Y. Why we didn’t want our names print-
ed alongside our views? Because we sus-
pected that we would attract attention from
loony males like you and as sweet as you are
we don’t want you hanging on our
doorsteps.
Well, bye for now little boys!
Names and URNs supplied
Pornograpy: where should the line be drawn?
Dear Editor,
In response to the letter concerning a work-
man’s ‘pornographic’ calendar in edition
931, I felt the need to reply, especially after
listening to a debate on freedom of expres-
sion on ‘The Moral Maze’ today.
Pornography can be offensive and degrad-
ing, but where does one draw the line in
censorship? Censorship may seem an
extreme term in relation to these offended
young women. But does one have the right
to sanction what others read, look at, or
think about? If bare breasts and thighs are
offensive to women, are pictures of half-
naked men, which are popular now, offen-
sive to men? Should these be banned as
well?
My floor’s kitchen has a happy marriage of
male and female posters (all demurely
posed and semi-clothed) on the notice
board. We are exercising our freedom to
look at sexually attractive people while
munching our coco-pops (and all prefer-
ences have been catered for).
Would these young women be offended and
degraded by that? The ‘Moral Maze’ men-
tioned a gay photographer’s book, which
contained sado-masochism pictures (includ-
ing an interesting receptacle for a bull’s
whip) as well as ‘standard’ still-lives. The
debate was, should this be banned? Was
this akin to Murdoch’s ‘editing’ and refusal
to print Patten’s book to protect the former’s
business in China. (Allegedly).
Chemistry department is unsafe
Dear Editor,
I’m writing to inform and complain about
that shambolic situation that I found myself
in on Monday afternoon.
On Monday morning, I was going to my lec-
ture in the Computer-Aided Chemistry lab
in Level 19 in building AZ. However the
main entrance between AZ and AX was
closed. I therefore decided to walk to the
other side of the building to gain entrance
(since you can’t walk right though level 19
since the planner, foolishly, decided to place
a lab right in the centre of it). Sadly, again, I
wasn’t lucky, since the entrance was also
closed down. -I walked around the building
again and had to walk over Level 20 and
back down to level 19.
So I was now in a room where my two
points of exit in the case of a fire appeared
closed. My lecturer and myself mused on
the fact that we were buggered if there was
a fire.
In the afternoon, there was an oil fire -we
had to leave. Not through the CAC fire exit
has it doesn’t, apparently, lead anywhere
constructive, and not through the lab. So
again I had to walk right over the building.
Anyway, the fire brigade arrived -all be it
unable to reach the building properly.
People still filtering out of the building -
probably delayed since they tried to exit the
building using the known fire exits, as we’d
use in a practice.
After a while the alarms went off and the
firemen left. People started to filtering in
again (another glorious walk over and
around Level 19). I sat down at my com-
puter, only for some bloke in a security coat
telling me to evacuate again, illustrating that
letters 5
The issue wasn’t what was right and what
was wrong, but who controlled our freedom
of expression. Obviously, there are some
issues like child pornography and graphic
violence that on the whole, western society
finds offensive and would not sanction for
widespread consumption.
But, surely in the case of a pornographic
calendar (exactly what does pornographic
mean in this case - like ‘page three’, or are
we talking about the use of serious hardware
here?) spied through a window, one could
be mature enough to could be mature
enough to respect somebody’s freedom of
choice. Or are these young women suggest-
ing that we have an authoritarian institution
where nobody can express their individuali-
ty. Does this mean that my floor should
loose its breakfast time visual entertain-
ment?
Or on a more serious note, does it mean that
marginalised groups such as homosexuals,
bisexuals and some religious groups are pre-
vented from expressing their individuality?
I hope these offended young women read
the article by the Equal Opportunities
Officer and got a sense of perspective.
Or are they sanctioning that no student or
staff member has the right to express them-
selves? I don’t personally fancy being at a
university controlled by those who think
they are protecting society when in fact they
have no respect for anyone’s freedom,
except their own.
L. Astbury
either he wasn’t aware that it was now safe
or, more alarmingly, that people were
allowed in when it WASN’T SAFE.
So I went out again.... Another walk over
Level 19. And returned to the fire point,
with another array of increasingly pissed off
people. 3 mins later we were allowed in
again. This time I decided to travel through
Level 17 (probably annoying H&C, but I
too was annoyed)...
If this fire had been any worse, I don’t
believe it’s too strong to say that people
could have actually died in there. If you are
travelling in haste to the fire exit you don’t
expect it to be apparently blocked off,
because then you need to go against the tide
of equally distressed people to try another.
Finally having to decide to chance your luck
walking though a chemical lab full of sol-
vents during a fire or walk up a level and
across and down again.
Additionally, why and how were people
allowed back in when some guards were
still evacuating people? Normally, and if
sense had anything to do with the situation,
a guard would be on each door and someone
should be with the people who have got out,
keeping them up to date.
I think today has shown a sad lacking in fire
safety in the Chemistry and SBS blocks, as
well as a lack of communication between
staff. I don’t care if maintainence work is
only a temporary thing - a fire exit can be
used at any time!
Yours Concerned and, luckily, not burned,
Anton McCoy
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11
6 Music
SINGLES
MASSIVE ATTACK – Tear Drop (Virgin)
New Single taken from forthcoming album
‘Mezzanine’, very dark and atmospheric, but with
the ethereal falsetto of ex- Cocteau Twin
Elizabeth Fraser which lifts it into a whole new
world. 9/10 N.W.
MARCY PLAYGROUND - Sex And Candy
(Capitol)
Indifferent Kurt Cobain vocals saturated in a
smoky, dreamy saloon bar euphony before
spilling into the dusky aura of a late summers
evening. Invigoratingly catchy. 8/10 D.J.
STEPHEN BAYLIS - Good Timing (Sand)
This is a debut single in the style of a boy band. It
is good but lacks a degree of originality. Good for
easy listening on a sunny day. It could be
described as beach/deck chair music. 8/10 G.T.
GROOP DOGDRILL - Jackie O (Mantra)
Having stormed the Union the other week, Groop
Dogdrill deliver yet another cool as fuck slice of
groove-bound hard-bluesy rock. You should buy
this. 8/10 R.W.
RADIATOR Resistor (Chrysalis)
On the press release there was an eye catching
sentence saying ‘Tell ‘em it’s Black Sabbath fuck-
ing the Chemical Brothers up the arse’. An inter-
esting note but cant see the resemblance, yes
Chemical, Sabbath but arse, who are they? 8/10
K.M
MELYS - Diwifr (Arctic)
At first sight ‘Diwifr’ is just another debut single
from an up and coming band. The difference
between this and the norm is that it smacks of
originality. The music definitely does break free
from conventionality. The sounds are all new and
exciting. The vocals have hopes and dreams
embedded in them and the overall sound is hazy
and narcotic/ethereal. Take a trip into another
world. 8/10 G.T.
THE PARADISE MOTEL - Calling You
(Infectious)
Ethereal and spiritual beauty is a difficult quality
to bring to music. The Paradise Motel succeeds in
mixing the spiritual style of artists like Enya with
more upbeat orchestrations and melodies like
groups which specialise in more easy listening.
The tracks which follow ‘Calling You’ are almost
as good. 8/10 G.T.
GOMEZ - 78 Stone Wobble (Hut)
A cool indie track, which has none of the “lets
copy Oasis” mentality that is going around at the
moment. 8/10 F.F.
CHEEKY MONKEY - Four Arms to Hold
You (Shoeshine)
This is good old fashioned strummy guitar stuff
and simple instrumentation. It makes a refreshing
change to have that. The lyrics are listener friend-
ly despite the fact that the singer is ever so slight-
ly vocally challenged. Good start... cool. 8/10
G.T.
ROBBIE WILLIAMS - Let Me Entertain You
(Chrysalis)
Robbie lands another blow to his critics, perhaps
exclaiming “Take That” as he does so, whilst
another rifling, supercharged single prepares to
storm the charts. A sure fire hit for anyone with a
penchant for D:Ream’s ‘Shoot Me (With Your
Love)’. 7/10 D.J.
BEN HARPER – Faded (Virgin)
Typical American Rock, a bit like the Chili
Peppers, a bit of a poor Hendrix impression, if
your into the aforementioned you will probably
like this. 7/10 N.W.
PULSARS - Submission To The Master E.P
(Almo)
For a relatively new band this E.P is impressive.
The first and main track ‘Submission Song’ is
definitely the best song and the highlight of this
CD, however, the rest of the E.P isn’t so impres-
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Page 6 (1,1)
sive. ‘Owed To A Devil’ becomes long and repet-
itive. This is a band I will be looking out for in
the future. 7/10 G.D.
THE WARM JETS - Hurricane (Island)
Radio 1 sanctioned daytime rock song. Fairly
pleasant to listen to with a nice big chorus. A
softer more subtle version of Therapy. Expect a
top 20 hit from this. 7/10 A.T.
MOKE - Wheel In Motion (Dorado)
Another single taken from their debut album
‘Superdrag’ which see them more swinging to
their hip hop roots. The only problem with this, is
that it slows the wheel down too much. 6/10 K.M
SOULFLY - Bleed (Roadrunner)
Loud guitars, ferocious drums, screaming vocals,
what more could you expect from the former
frontman of Sepultura(Max Cavalera) new band.
Well something not so Sepultura. 6/10 K.M
ARTIFICIAL JOY CLUB - Sick And
Beautiful (Interscope)
A rather unimaginative debut track from this
Canadian five piece. It basically sounds like a bit
of Garbage mixed with Curve and then topped
with a dashing of Portishead. A blend which is
smooth but not Earl Grey. 6/10 K.M
TINA MOORE - Nobody Better (Delirious)
The trouble with putting previous hits on a new
single is that you realize that the new single isn’t
as good as the old one. This is the case here
‘Nobody Better’ is a good dance track and will do
well, but it isn’t as good as her last hit ‘Never
Gonna Let You Go’. 6/10 G.D.
AUDIOWEB - Policeman Skank (Mother)
When this single first comes on it sounds quite
good, but the single drags on way too long on
sounds the same all the way through it, with great
use of repetition. Not brilliant or amazing 5/10
G.D.
KARATE - Operation:Sand/Empty There
(Southern)
A rather apocalyptical guitar sound which doesn’t
want to come together. Sounds a bit like an
instrumental version Pavement a couple of years
back. 5/10 I.P.
ALEX WHITCOMBE & BIG C - Ice Rain
(Xtravaganza)
Sounds like Grace, but more voliny, needs some
more kick to it. 5/10 F.F.
THE HIGH FIDELITY - Come Again
(Plastique)
The follow up to the amazing ‘Addicted To A
TV’ this isn’t as immediate or catchy. Weird
experimental electronic noises buzz over a fairly
middling indie guitar tune. Nothing to get excited
about. 5/10 A.T.
FINITRIBE - Make My Mind-Up (Infectious)
I find it very tedious when a group lacks the
imagination to write different songs and instead
opts for 6 or so remixes of the same one. The
original track is not that bad with the vocals
seeming quite dark at times, but the remixes,
though different are a waste of time. 5/10 E.C.
MIDGET - Invisible Balloon (Radar)
There are many mysteries in this world, like why
students voted Labour and why club prices go up
the less time you spend inside. Another is how
Midget got signed. ‘Invisible Balloon’ is a poppy
fuzzy teen punk jaunt that sounds just like a song
by any of the hundreds of sixth form bands across
the country. Unbelievably average. 4/10 A.T.
INDIAN VIBES - Mathar (V:C)
Indian music played over beats together with four
remixes. Some which rather lose the Indian bit,
one which goes just plain weird and a dubby ver-
sion. 4/10 I.P.
ALABAMA 3 - Ain’t Goin’ To Goa
(Elemental)
Putting eight mixes of the same track on one CD
is OK if they all sound more or less different to
each other, but when it sounds as boring and
monotonous as this, whoever is responsible ought
to be guillotined. 1/10 G.C.
THE
PECADILOES
- The Wanting
Song (A&M)
Now on a
major label,
the Pecadiloes
are in control
of what is
surely an elec-
trifying destiny.
Vibrating,
sharp pop
smothered in
sugary har-
monies. 9/10
D.J.
Thursday 26th March 1998 n
ALBUMS
IZZY STRADLIN- 117 Degrees
(Geffen)
Izzy left Guns’N’Roses at the right time,
after co-writing some of the bests songs
on the ‘Use Your Illusion’ albums and
before the band became a farce. ‘117o’ is
his second solo album and a more cohe-
sive record than the first, possibly
because Izzy’s voice sounds more natural
when singing. Musically the album takes
its lead from late-sixties / early-seventies
Rolling Stones and Guns’N’Roses at their
most potent. Looks like rock’n’roll is
back this year. 8/10 R.W.
JAMES - The Best Of (Fontana)
This album is pretty much what I expect-
ed, all of the best James songs packed
onto one C.D. A brilliant mix of the older
singles, namely ‘Hymn From A Village’.
Through to their latest single, ‘Destiny
Calling’. In my opinion the best James
tracks featured on this album have to be
‘She’s A Star’, ‘Waltzing Along’ and
‘Tomorrow’. But all tracks are brilliant
and on the first listening I found myself
not skipping any of them. The trouble
with ‘Best Of’ albums though in general
is that if you have all of their albums you
will already have all of the tracks.
However if you love James this is still a
great album, and a must for your C.D.
collection. 8/10 G.D.
CECIL - Subtitles (Parlophone)
Cecil’s days as a raucous hard rock band
seem to be behind them, in their place is a
thoughtful and melancholy band whose
sound owes something to their labelmates
Mansun. The singles ‘Red Wine At Dead
Time’ and ‘Hostage In A Frock’ are the
most instantly appealing songs, but
‘Acres’ with the “He makes more sense,
she makes more sense out of the non-
sense” hook that strikes as the albums
highpoint. By the end of the album a lot
of the tracks seem to be a bit samey. A
good album certainly, but I miss the
unpredictability of the old style Cecil.
7/10 R.W.
RIALTO - Rialto (East West)
To not mention Pulp and Suede would be
a crime. There is more than an element of
these in Rialto’s music - both the
panoramic sound and uptight claustropho-
bic element (of carefully observed obses-
sions) seen at various times in their
careers. But ‘Summers Over’ manages to
sound like ‘Strawberry Fields’ and the
Longpigs, as it laments the past and
‘Lucky Number’ is positively energising.
So, there is talk of obsessions and lost
love, all in a manner Morrissey would’ve
been proud of - but only if there were a
little more irony. There is, of course the
humour (subtly in ‘Monday Morning
5.19’) but it is coupled with at least as
much seriousness and neurosis (urm,
‘Monday Morning 5.19’). However, when
you’re sweeping vast cinematic sounds
across the listeners ears, you should I sup-
pose, be sincere. Especially when you
have such epic and almost justified illu-
sions of grandeur. 7/10 D.J.
DELINQUENT HABITS - Here Come
The Horns (Loud)
After nearly 2 years of relative silence,
the Latin hip hop groovesters return with
played by Bernard, it was written and produced by Bernard, but here his influences
have stretched further, giving the album a widescreen version of his music. The songs
are ambitious, the opener ‘Woman I Know’ sounds a bit like Spiritualized, an 8 minute
epic, others ‘Change of Heart’ are reminiscent of Neil Young particularly his ‘Harvest’
era, but with an amazing string arrangement at the end. ‘Autograph’ the albums center-
piece is another 8 minute song, a blues-rock epic, but with more amazing production
with its brilliant crescendo at its close. The only downpoint on the album is that maybe
there are too many slow songs, it needs more like the obvious single ‘You just know’. It
is hard not to be sycophantic, when albums are just as inspiring as this, but it just
shows that if you mean it, everything will be all right. 9/10 N.W.
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
PITCHSHIFTER - www.pitchshifter.com (Geffen)
A concoction of raw energy, unstable elements heated together for 53 min-
utes, to form an uncontrollable amount of hard and fast break-beats, manic
basslines and deadly guitars. Joined with the serious lyrical base dis-
cussing issues, like
the Criminal Justice
bill on ‘Genius’ to anti
racism on
‘Microwaved’ and
basically today’s soci-
ety in general. On the
last track of the
album they are basi-
cally giving away free
samples for you bud-
ding musicians to nick
and mix all you like.
Pitchshifter have con-
tinued to progress in
leap and bounds
since their first offer-
ing ‘Desensitized’ and
even their last one as
well, but with each
one there is always
something new. An
exhilarating infusion
of heavy metal and
sonics. 9/10 K.M
an array of mellow beats and distinctive
rhymes that fuse jazz and rock, and flips
between English and Spanish. This album
shows the bands musical maturity and
growth since the eponymously titled
debut album, which included the top forty
hit ‘Tres Delincuentes’. 7/10 G.C.
THE MAKE UP - In Mass Mind (Dischord)
This unknown Washington D.C. garage
band, are really one of the most amazing
bands I have ever heard, they sing soul R
&B, what they call, the ‘gospel yeah
yeah’. In parts a bit like Pulp, in their use
of the organ, a bit like The Who in the
amount of energy the singer Ian
Svenonius uses up during each song,
worth buying the album just for the bril-
liant sleeve notes. 7/10 N.W.
FINITRIBE - Sleazy Listening (Infectious)
Not quite old timers Finitribe are back
with some more funky stuff which both
makes you happy and relaxed at the same
time. The album has a dark mood with
slowed down samples, samples of people
admitting they are scared (that’s what
they sound like anyway), in fact samples
of anything which is not “happy” or
“nice”. Still something to do your work
to, if you work in a cemetery or similar
then this is your album of the year. 7/10
F.F.
THE SORTS - More There (Slowdime)
Intense instrumentation is built by a
blending unorthodox guitar style, lean
bass lines and heavy, alert drumming.
Trombone and trumpet and some percus-
sion instruments extracts are also includ-
ed in this CD, giving the overall effect of
a collage of sound that has an extra
degree of richness. The vocals are clear,
but not evasive. 7/10 G.C.
THREE SECOND KISS - Everyday
Everyman (Wide)
Deconstructed sounds, peculiar geome-
tries and disturbing sound puzzles make
this a very weird sounding alternative
rock album. Their songs combine melodic
BERNARD BUTLER -
People Move On
(Creation)
There are certain bits if
baggage solo artists bring
with them, when they have
previously been in success-
ful bands. Just for a back-
ground, Bernard used to be
the guitarist in Suede; who
some say in the early 90’s
kick-started a revolution in
guitar music with a return
towards 3 minute songs,
the importance of image
etc. ‘People Move On’
however does not sound
like a Suede album, all
instruments bar drums were
tunes, noisy punk guitars and some extra-
ordinary jazz and funk singing. Quite
unlike anything you’ve heard before! 7/10
G.C.
BAD RELIGION - No Substance
(Columbia)
Throughout their seventeen years Bad
Religion have pretty much led the way for
the West Coast pop-punk field, and they
have stuck with the same sound. Fans will
be pleased that on ‘No Substance’ they
have stuck with the buzz-saw guitars, big
chorus and intelligent socially conscious
lyrics. Bad Religion sound sharper than
on their previous album ‘The Gray Race’,
but ‘No Substance’ is unlikely to win
them any new fans. 6/10 R.W.
BRAID - Frame And Canvas
(Polyvinyl)
Brash guitar rock fueled by harsh produc-
tion combine, attempting to demolish the
underlying fresh, sonorous punk enthusi-
asm - still evident on this, their third long
player. ‘Milwaukee Sky Rocket’ sounds
desolate, an even more harrowing Pixies
‘Debaser’, and ‘A Dozen Roses’ hides a
fractured, desperately hopeful melody
behind a stuttering and relentless stream
of subdued noise. ‘First Day Back’
smacks of early REM with the raw and
refreshing riff, and the voice brings you
back to a twisted, vociferous Spin
Doctors sound. This album, literally
screaming to be listened to is, ultimately,
a demanding album and ‘(This Is)
Hardcore’ in a way Pulp most definitely
aren’t. Given attention there are rewards
in the songs mentioned, which are blind-
ing, but they do seem trapped in a dark
place that is ‘Frame And Canvas’. 6/10
D.J.
SIMPLE MINDS - Neapolis (Chrysalis)
This new effort by the Simple Minds fea-
tures Peter Walsh’s return to production
controls alongside Charlie Burchill, and
the classic tandem formed by bassist
Derek Forbes and drummer Mel Gaynor
returning to the rhythm section. The result
is a return to the bands origins, with the
use of synthesizers as the prime base of
their songs as they did in their earlier
albums. 6/10 G.C.
ALL NATURAL LEMON & LIME
FLAVOURS - Turning Into Small
(Gern Blansten)
All Natural Lemon & Lime Flavours
should win an award for making a song
sound unbearably flat using the least
number of notes. You’ve just got to
admire the skillful way in which they
most of their songs slip slowly in and out
of key. The tracks would sound a lot bet-
ter without the continuous noise in the
background, it just doesn’t stop. The
vocals, when heard above the noise, are
somewhat obscure and meaningless mak-
ing for a very dull and rather depressing
album. 1/10 E.C.
This weeks music bought to you
by -
Daniel Jones, Frank Fraulo,
Ian Purvey, Georgina Tarrant,
Gabriel-Oliver Chamero,
Emma Clarke, Kevin Marston,
Nick Walsh,
Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent,
Rob Winder
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 7 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th Marh 1998 Entertainments Guide 7

GIG GUIDE
It is always advisable to confirm with the
venue before travelling. Cineline - (01483) 578017
20.00 Only Fools and Asian Dub Foundation - Portsmouth Friday 27th/Sat 28th March
Horses Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911)
Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday

Bluetones, Mover - Guildford Civic Hall

27th

(01483 444555) Titanic

21.00 Blackadder II Pocket Devils - London 100 Club (0171 636 12:15, 13:00, 16:20, 17:05, 20:30,
0933)
Tribute To Nothing, dBH, Lockdown -
21:20
21.30 Father Ted Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) As Good as it Gets
23.05 The Adam and Joe Snuff, King Prawn - London Electric Ballroom 12:25, 15:25, 18:30, 21:40
(0171 485 9006)
Show Warm Jets, Idlewild - London ULU
Good Will Hunting
12:50, 15:40, 18:35, 21:30
Bluetones, Regular Fries - London L.A. Confidential
there and back. The ticket price will be £4.00 if you obtain a discount flyer before the gig. You can obtain the tickets by contacting Jacobs Tale on 01252 – 819019 or e-mail at ‘JTale@aol.com’. There will

Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331)

NB The band Jacobs Tale have announced their first London date at the Mean Fiddler in Harlesden on Thursday 9th of April 1998. To make it easier to get along a coach will be provided to ferry people

20.00 Before They Were Fri: 12:00, 15:00, 18:10, 21:20

Fluke - London Holloway Rocket
28th

Famous Fu Manchu - London Garage (0171 607 Sat: 18:10, 21:20

1818) The Man in the Iron Mask
15.40 F1: Grand Prix “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 960
4590)
12:55, 15:55, 18:55, 22:00
Qualifying
For food and bar opening times, see main advertisement on page 10 For Sports / Fitness information, see Campusport notice on page 12

Also, BARE FACTS has will have free tickets available for preview screening of Great Expectations at the Guildford Odeon on 15th April. Contact us before 8th April for details

Semi Junction, Waif, Jerc - Reading Gattaca

18.00 FILM: Dumb and
be 3 other bands in the line-up, the doors open at 8.00pm and close at 2.00am, this is also the Thursday before Good Friday so you don’t even have to get up in the morning.

Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 14:30, 16:55, 19:20, 21:50

University closure week (when all University buildings and services will be closed) Thursday 9th - Wednesday 15th April inclusive

Dumber My Life Story, Drugstore, Inter, Twister,

Glitterbox - Farnham Maltings (01252 726234)
Kiss the Girls
Fri: 13:00, 16:15, 19:20, 22:10
Sat: 16:15, 19:20, 22:10
Fallen
29th

Nothing decent - watch the Grand Prix

14:00 (Fri only), 16:45, 19:30, 22:20
16.20 F1: Grand Prix Flubber
22.00 The Clive James 13:00, 15:15
Show Fairytale
12:15, 14:30
Paws
12:05, 14:10
20.30 Goodnight George of the Jungle
Sweetheart 12:30
Artificial Joy Club - London
30th

23.25 Film 98
Borderline (0171 734 2095)
Myst, Gecko, Calhouns Cat -
18.00 The Simpsons Sun 29th March -
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
Thurs 2nd April
Easter Holiday - no Entertainments at the Union

Titanic
11:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 14:00,
21.30 One Foot in the 15:20, 19:00, 19:25
Grave As Good as it Gets
31st

Bernard Butler - London Upstairs At 12:30, 17:00, 20:10

18.00 Fresh Prince of Bel The Garage (0171 607 1818) Good Will Hunting
Air Zed’s Ded, Joda, Caffeine - 12:10, 14:55, 17:40, 20:30
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) L.A. Confidential
21.00 The Sweeney
13:15 (Mon-Thurs only), 17:15,
20:10
The Man in the Iron Mask
PICK The Pecadiloes, Jolt, 13:00, 17:20, 20:20
21.30 The Thin Blue Line
OF THE Satellite Beach - London
22.00 FILM: Timecop WEEK
Gattaca
Camden Dingwalls
1st

12:05 (mon-thurs only), 14:30,

18.00 Star Trek: The Next Daybreak, Wake, Chayse - Reading 18:20, 20:50
Generation Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Kiss the Girls
22.00 Room 101 12:15, 13:15 (Mon-Thurs only),
18:00, 20:40
Fallen
LK - London Garage (0171 607 12:10, 15:00 (Mon - Thurs only),
20.00 Animal Hospital 1818) 17:45, 20:30
20.30 2point4 Children Senser, Sons Of Tribe, Entropy - Flubber
2nd

22.25 The Mrs Merton Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) (Sun only) 12:30, 14:40
Show The Smiles - London Camden Barfly Fairytale
(0171 482 4808) (Sun only) 12:45, 15:00
21.00 Steptoe and Son Paws
(Sun only) 12:15, 14:05
George of the Jungle
20.00 Only Fools and Echo And The Bunnymen, Rialto - (Sun only) 12:20
Horses London Brixton Academy (0171 264
1525)
3rd

Leatherface, Moke, Speedurchin -

21.00 Blackadder II
Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116)
18.00 TFI Friday Sniper, Nightnurse, Mouthfull -
21.30 Father Ted London Kings Cross Water Rats
(0171 837 7269)

Finitribe - London ICA

16.40 TOTP 2 “Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181
960 4590)
OFU
4th

Libido, Ballroom, Glitterbox - London

20.00 Stars in Their Eyes Garage (0171 607 1818) Oscar will be hibernating
Natia Blue, Pinnacle - Reading Alleycat over Easter
(0118 956 1116)
09.30 Knight Rider Twister - London Camden Dublin Castle
(0171 485 1773)
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Arts Thursday 26th March 1998 n

HIGH SPIRITS
Spititualized, Guildford Civic Hall, Thursday 19 March 1998. Review - Daniel Jones
Film review: Gattaca
jam packed Civic

A Hall, sporting a
male dominated,
occasionally cool looking
audience waits for
Spiritualized. They
admire the stage with the
‘pillbox’ backdrop and
sundry columns, support-
ing devices that will pro-
vide the light show. It is a
wonderful sight even
before it is filled with the
visual and sonic flair of a
band, Jason Pierce (head
astronaut) describes as
people who “want to
make music on a more
basic, more soulful
level”. It seems with
tonight’s experience, for
it is more an experience
than a show, that they are
aiming at a stratospheric
level.
Despite the usual slow
start and even before
‘Electricity’, there is a
charge on the stage.
Heads are fixated. And as
‘Electricity’ rings out
there is a dazzling array of
pulsating lights. The four men
on stage - guitars/bass/sax -
stand tall and motionless carv-
ing the slow orchestral, and in
this case palpitating tunes. A
few heads begin to nod in time
and one couple partake in a
spot of loosely ballroom style
it were coming from every
crack in the building. The
visuals are ever more awe-
some as frantic strobes give
way to pretty lights dancing on
the ceiling. ‘Come Together’
acts as a call to arms, as
indeed it is. People wake up
from the outer body experi-
ences, some jig and many
Spiritualized arrived in. I’ve
not personally seen one but
taking X-Files as a reference
point, the visual effect more
and more resembles an alien
landing. And sounds like one.
The bass pounds, pressing skin
firmly against bones - tortured
souls are surely venting
despair in the most uplifting
Kamran Loqueman
n recent times the moral argument as to
I whether we should be able to manipulate
the sex of our future offspring has
caused only a ripple of controversy, as no
one really knows exactly where it will all
lead.
Andrew Niccol’s Gattaca takes this premise
and grips it firmly by the throat. With excel-
lent cinematography, the likes of which I
haven’t seen since George Orwell’s 1984,
Gattaca creates a future world obsessed with
our genetic makeup, where a ‘Valid’, some-
one who is genetically engineered, holds a
higher position in society then that of an
‘invalid’ spawned from mother nature.
The story follows Ethan Hawke (Reality
Bites, Great Expectations ) as Vincent, an
Invalid with a lifelong dream to travel into
space, a privilege bestowed only upon
Valids. However with this burning ambition
to fulfil his dream he undertakes the huge
task of adopting the life of a Valid named
Jerome. This new identity is not easy to
achieve in a world where a single stand of
hair can give you away to the authorities. As
his launch date draws closer, a murder poses
to jeopardise Vincent’s dream, along with a
dangerous liaison with a Valid, Irene
Cassini, adequately played by Uma
Thurman, who many of us believe is one of
an elite class.
An open-minded audience can really
becomes sucked into this futuristic atmos-
phere Niccol generates with such ease. A
world of sparsely populated cities and
squeaky clean offices, this is not a film with
flashing lights and fancy effects, not at all.
In fact I should imagine the budget of this
film would barely have covered one of
Titanics’ lifeboats. Nevertheless the yel-
low/green camera filters and classic style
electric cars do not distract you away from
the plot and the message being delivered by
the film, but adds to it’s overall genre. The
film has a good story, a healthy portion of
suspense and real substance if one is willing
to look.
In conclusion, not a ‘wham bam thank you
mam’ movie. But if you liked films like
‘Fahrenheit 451’ and ‘1984’ you’ll appreci-
ate this thought provoking Sci-Fi movie.
A solid, recommended 8/10 by me and a
9/10 by Matty P. (Yes, it deserves 9/10.
Kam’s just being tight. It’s thought provok-
ing if you like that kind of thing, and if
you’re not in the mood you can just enjoy
the splendid design and beautiful photogra-
phy. It’s 1984 for the 1990’s. This film will
inspire you. -Ed)

dancing. Others merely close
their eyes, absorbing the
dreamscape of reverberating
noise.
embrace as if they were in the
middle of an out of control
religious awakening.
There is always a droning
Theatre review:
way possible.
It’s like you’ve been in a big
dream, literally like you have
been floating in space some-

The Tempest
With ‘Home Of The Brave’ background sound. Perhaps where. And you’re not sure if
the sound swarms all over as if this is the spacecraft it has really happened.

CLAWFINGER
With Cold, London Garage, Thursday 19 March 1998. Review - Kevin Marston.
sold out venue, and still a queue
Questors Theatre - 6th March who played Miranda (the daughter of

A of people trying to buy tickets,

why? because they are about to
miss one the most promising new com-
ers to the skate/ska scene, Cold and one
of the most rocking Scandinavian band
ever. Bullyrag were supposed to be on
first but due to band illnesses and
things, they didn’t play so it was left to
Cold to warm up the crowd.
About 9 o’clock one hell of a weird guy
with tuffs of bleached tipped hair walks
onto the stage and takes control of the
drums, while the rest of Cold venture
out. And its not just the drummer who is
weird, but the guitarist is totally spaced
out with an impression that he’s one of
the most coolest players ever. Is he?,
well no, the performance is very aver-
age. Nothing outstanding at all, all the
words are indistinguishable except for
the occasional fucking fuck fuck some-
thing. But some of the crowd seem to
love it. Before the final song the vocal-
ist decides to invite as many stage
divers on the stage as possible, which
led to an explosive array acrobatics by
the crowd.
A quarter of an hour later Clawfinger
embarked on their dark and fiery journey. Once
the first few chords of ‘I’m Your Life And
Religion’ from their new album are played, the
mosh begins in full earnest with the stage being
invaded constantly. About every ten seconds or
so there would be another body hurtling through
the air, even when they played ‘Don’t Wake Me
Up’ a relatively slow track. Which Zak ( the
vocalist) remarked at. The next song tonight
was ‘Undone’ which again was just mad, they
played other classics like ‘Warfair’, and ‘Pin
Me Down’. The last one received one hell of a
cheer and the biggest mosh of the night. It was
just a full aural assault on the brain. A totally
buzzing night and with quotes like ‘ you lot are
insane’ and ‘come on Barbie... lets go party’
what more could you ask for. Well, Jocke decid-
ing to play the guitar and the bass instead of
mixing the decks and the DAT. But then again
there was a good reason for the bass though and
that was because the bassist decided to go stage
diving. Brilliant.
Mary Elizabeth Phillips
After a huge storm and shipwreck men of
the courts of Naples and Milan are lured
away into a world of illusion always led by
strange powers which they cannot resist.
Prospero (the rightful Duke of Milan) hav-
ing on his side Ariel (the spirit of illusion) is
able to manipulate the circumstances and
teach the rest a good lesson from which
he’ll receive wisdom.
Interpretations of “The Tempest”, as many
have put it, can be very much influenced by
the particular background of the interpreter
and that’s mainly due to the fact that
Shakespeare has used the device of allegory
a lot, once again. Some see this play as a
focus on theatrical art, others think that it
has to do with the analysis of political issues
and especially those relevant to the oppres-
sion of the inhabitants of the ‘new’ world.
The cast of this play was made up of people
who had auditioned and been chosen by the
theatre. Bearing in mind that they were only
amateurs performing for pleasure and that
they only had two months to prepare, the
production was good. In general the acting
was the thing that made the performance
interesting and people such as Gerry
O’Sullivan who played the role of Caliban
(a savage and deformed slave), Kate Davie
Prospero) and Tomos Lewis who played
Ariel (the spirit) astounded me with their
professionalism and excellent acting.
However, there were a few faults which
showed lack of professionalism amongst
some of the actors; how many unconscious
and ‘frozen’ people would fiddle with their
fingers, look around in the audience and pull
up their socks?
The dancing in the play was poor; the whole
choreography was lacking creativity and
although the dancers were children they
seemed to be unexcited to perform and cre-
ate.
As far as the theatre is concerned the stage
was below the audience (similar to the
ancient Greek theatre) and that created a dif-
ferent atmosphere to the conventional the-
atre stages as it enhanced the performer -
audience relationship.
If any of you are interested in going and see-
ing a performance at the Questors Theatre,
called the Gati (Passage of Time) which is
performed by the Theatre of Bangalore (the
most vibrant English Theatre of any city in
India) there are some tickets which you can
get for free for the performances from the
21st to the 27th March. All you have to do
is dial 0181 5670011 and ask for it!
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 9 (1,1)

n Thursday 26th March1998 Notices & Personals 9

nPaddington, the best shag in
months not years, I haven’t got to
that stage, unlike you. love
nKrust 2. Helen 13. The gap is
getting longer.
nHelen. You and Jon are wearing
the same sweaters AGAIN.
(Paddington)
nKrustie. Why is it that you have
that name? should I mention
Paddington Madam
nAndy don’t be a custard, be a
tart!
nLiz. I lurve those stockings.from
Jokerface
nRobocop. Doesn’t ALL that gel
damage your circuits?
nAndy-JD wants his Y-fronts
back ASAP
nJavier has lovely hands Helen
nThe Ginger Fox is thinking of
having vegetarian for supper
tonight.
nthe more i think, the more wor-
rying i get
nRaf ( not to mention other
Tonmeisters) have finally got it in
- that’ll be a relief for the rest of
us.
nWhatever did happen to the
chicken in Cathedral court
nNav aka Lumbhoo...Janamdin
Mubarak!! From a friend!!!
nHarri stop lying about how many
people u have had sex with!!!!!
nTina A....How many blokes
fancy u now??????
nHUGE Thanks to all the silly
crew for an excellent Wednesday -
the fees anarchists”
n“Swpitwist”
nUnless you have already found
someone for this, then I’m yer
man.
nHandy tip: Don’t bother with the
new series of “Telly Addicts”. It’s
getting far too easy...
nHas Kostis’ friend found who
was watching him that night? ‘cos
I know who it is!!
nMark would never even consider
being unfaithful!!
nHelen, I told you, I haven’t got
anything to say to you!!
nThanks for an excellent night out
lads, Guernsey.
nAlix - Make Helen confess about
the chicken remarque!
nS: Thanks for a “wicked” week-
end!
nBoy oh boy are you guys getting
fussy! My real name is not actual-
ly Buz
nRUSSIAN SOCIETY!!! Good
job, I am proud of you. Your presi-
dent.
nA.K. Are you accepting K. air-
lines flight offer? Let me know,
limited places available... LOVE,
K.A
nAnyone know how Rainman
ends? Nice one Han.
nHappy Birthday to 3A’s sexy
thing, are we going for it large on
Friday?
nSTOP banging on the pipes!
How can Richard suck it off the
table when he can’t get it in his
mouth.?
nHappy Birthday Hazel and thank
you for being there and listening in
the last few weeks, I really appre-
ciate it, Helen.
nEver thought of locking your
room door - otherwise the pink
elephants and green monster might
get you. Beer fest per chance!!!!
nASWANI... get a life, get some
friends!!!!!!
nTINA A.... stop exaggerating
about how many guys are after u!
nGorgeous Navdeep........did any-
one tell u how sexy u looked last
Friday???!!
nShagun babe, can we get togeth-
er some time??? - Monday, 7-30,
Chancellor’s. Your Ultimate
Fantasy.
nRLB: Rumours are that he’s
leaving. Is this the end?
nFancy a pitstop Sarah?
Hey P R Groves we know who
you are PENNY and you’d better
start sleeping with one eye open.
nHi Jainge - I Easter Egg you.
nJames (I love Eddie) - looks like
you have more then one fan!!!!!
nLegian, friends forever.
nGorgeous...I’ll still beat you
naked at seventy! Lover. XXX
nKMW - what would I do without
you?!?
nThere’s more to life than an old
boyfriend and a part time job
nLOST: One black Scully type
mackintosh with bright red lining
(lost three weeks ago). If found -
please G I V E I T B A C K
because I’m getting cold and
wet!!!! (Ring ext 4951, room 2 if
you have seen it).
nWill the Cath Court Metal Man
please *grow up* and leave poor,
sweet, innocent Dexter alone. You
are corrupting the poor lad.
nWhat’s it like to be 22 Rob (old
man now eh!!) The ‘gathering’
was fun -thanks!
nMike-I’m gonna boil your
bunny-Helen
nRolf Harris is Innocent!
Smack my Fortran Up!
nDid the Ginger Fox use baby oil
after swimming recently?
nH - “The bunion, where you
shag on a Saturday!”
nH - “But I’ve got R - no I mean
in the sense of playing with him!”
Fred’s not fat, he’s not ugly, but he
is cute and cuddly
Personals
nSo coke and guiness are just the
same are they Steve?
nCongratulations to everyone in
the Jiu Jitsu club who graded.
nRUSSIAN SOCIETY!!! Good
job, I am proud of you. Your presi-
dent.
nHarold. How are you, my son?
yours Victor
nHappy 22nd birthday little Jo.
Vick
nJess. Lab’s pants isn’t it
nnice one SURREY MOUN-
TAINBIKE TEAM, Bronze this
year Gold next. Chaz
nTo miss ‘do diamonds’ - thanks.
Pierre de Mintfart, you ave gin din
zee ill wizz zee trollaie yes, no?
nHAPPY BIRTHDAY little JO,
SEE YOU AT YOUR PARTY,
nLots of Big balloons, Hann &
Vick xxxxx
nLooking forward to the relax-
ation area
nLocal lass seeks budding ama-
teur photographer for insight into
Guildford tours for AGM candi-
dates
nI Easter Egg you Buz Lightyear,
lots of Galaxies, Tinkerbell xxx
nFlick, floor fly flavour flov fle
flunth, Fluv Flan
nLizzie & I-Tie...it’s about time
you came out of the closet, we all
know what you two are like!!!
nI love you darling. Happy 6
months on the 9th
nMev - The people who put the
two personals in last week’s
Barefacts are really sorry that stu-
pid others have taken it seriously.
n55 Denzil Road - is the Palace
ours?
nSports Officer will pay cash for
pictorial evidence (photos or
sketch) of supermarket shennani-
gans with experienced ball-handler
nJohnnie Boy is in ATLANTA!!
Keep an eye on CNN!
nIt’s cold but it’s somewhere to
sleep, the creaky noises make my
skin creep-I need to get some sleep
nHappy Birthday Jane - Sorry I
can’t be there, I’ll have a drink for
you! Prof Johnson R. II Jr
nJohnnie Boy is in ATLANTA!!
nKeep an eye on CNN!
nIt’s cold but it’s somewhere to
sleep, the creaky noises make my
skin creep-I need to get some sleep
nHappy Birthday Jane - Sorry I
can’t be there, I’ll have a drink for
you! Prof Johnson R. II Jr
nWiiiiiil!!!!!
nMatt - all you need is a bum
chin! Where’s my biro......
nMystic Matt - Spoooooky!!!!
nOLIVER, VENTE YA PARA
ESPANYA!!!!
nNos vemos el 5 de abril, olrait?
nANDY FROM SPIERS: Need
any more lessons?
nYou are the ants’ pants Simon...
nGreenfingered Ab cultures
Ferns!
nKate on Rich 3- I forgot your
surname, but just to say, I’m on
sound crew, and I like you.
nRuth- don’t worry, we’re a party
of five, remember?
nSunday afternoons, 3-5, GCR.
nSingle Uncle looks for close
friendship with lady for fun and
great times.Must live around
Kingston.
nKaty, as if I’d have sent a per-
sonal like that! There’s far too
many Katy’s here. UD
nTo Miss R-B, hope your work is
going well and that you’re getting
your sleep. Mr Smelly Belly.
nAndy from Croydon, ‘your the
man!’
nCarshalton or Sherley, which
was worse?
nSo Claires not involved in your
threesome fantasy!
nOI!!!!!! EVERYONE.......
nNEIL GOT GINGERED!!!!!!!
nDAN & CO
nCONGRATS ON GETTING
YOUR DREAM HOUSE!
nCAN I LIVE THERE RENT
FREE?????
nYang Yang..are you happy that I
have repaired your chain now!!??
nDo I know what is going on? I
don’t think so!
nmmmmmmmmm, nice arse!
n Hey bignose hows the golf dri-
ver running?
n OH NOse!!!!
n Its Da BOMB!!!
n Nevermind Kate, better luck
next Friday.
n Why was the DJ for the Acid
Jazz SHAG not told that it was
acid jazz before he arrived??
n It’s not just the bruises on my
arm, I’m hurt deep inside as well.
n Ruth- you should have done a
solo, you know you should.I will
help you do one next time.
n Why was the DJ for the Acid
Jazz SHAG not told that it was
acid jazz before he arrived??
n It’s not just the bruises on my
arm, I’m hurt deep inside as well.
n Ruth- you should have done a
solo, you know you should.I will
help you do one next time.
n So Duncan have you managed
to find it yet? Did she give you a
bung in a brown envelope?
n Arent rugby shirts cool.. espe-
cially when they are free.....
n Lost several saturdays last seen
in Astolat......
n Mister :- Isn’t it my turn to
‘honk’ you !?!
n First prize to politically correct
Green Shirt Man
n Rootjoose :-
Fwoooooooooarrrgh!
n Dave or Housewife? I fail to see
where the difficulty was in choos-
ing the better band.
n KATE IN RICH 3 - I’m sorry I
missed you tonight. Why were you
with that weirdo with nail var-
nish??
n Housewife- We love you loads
and loads From S and K xx
n We could always tie dye that
green shirt of yours!!!!
n Acid Jazz... Hmmm I don’t
think so.
n Judges-how much German lager
did you have??
n um,err,um,um,errrr,umm
nToo much 80’s waa waa????????
n Halifax Town 2-0 Rushden &
Diamonds. The Shaymen march
towards the title.
n And it snows in Heaven...
n International Marketing bloke:
no-one likes you
n LOU IN TWYFORD C!!!!!
How many boys have you pulled
now during FNO? I’ve lost count!!
n ANITA B!!! YEAH YOU!!!
COME TO BIOSOC’S LAST
EVENT OR I’LL CRY.
n PISSED-SHIT PLEASE SEND
SOME PHOTO’S HOME- WE
CAN’T REMEBER WHAT U
LOOK LIKE. LOVE FROM THE
SHITS
n WOOAHHHH DONS- C’MON
BABY LIGHT MY FIRE! FROM
*TOYBOY*
n All at 89 GPR, the years nearly
finished, cheers for an interesting
one.
n Elo......anybody home??!!
nPenis’s come into everything.”
three guesses who said it..!
nI don’t know what it is!” “same
as it is in French!
nI knew he would get it when he
got erection....who was Helen talk-
ing about? The question is was it
as good as she said?
nit’s a fruit salad monster eating a
daisy in the mouth of a certain
pink cow!!
nWould you like your pinger felt
by a certain young lady in Cath
court?
nIt would be cold and hard unless
you hold it in your hands long
enough to warm it up a bit
nWatch out Ascot .. Weyside
Birds are on the way!!!
n Those Weyside Birds who work
in the Firkin need to be a little
more
n fussy!!!
n Marc .. What’s your name
again??!!!
n So Marc .. she’s named it
Robert has she!!!
n Phil V...can I rent your furnished
shed?
n A.Tiger Ouch.
n Dunky, Big Issue=Big munt
points
n Which johhny boy will the lep-
racorn choose on friday?
n Robocop, does the Joker know
your screwing Liz?
n Linda, Alex and Garry. Thanks
for making this special trip home
extra
n special. I love you all. Hxx
Last, but by no means least, Nikki.
A very special thank you for your
time, honesty and patience. I
meant what I said. Forever friends.
L.A.
n Hxxx suffer from embarasing
nipple hairs? call J for reassur-
ance.
n sorry about your nipple hair,
love shitbags
n the cause of yellow knickers
everywhere is VD!
n Alix wants to tie him up under
the bed, and jump on him - poor
thing!
n Sorry Jo, but we have to ask:
was it a carpet burn?????
n Mat, Oh sorry, have you just
come?!
n A carpet burn.... How ironic!!
Aaa!!!
n What have Sam and a tampon
got in common??!
n DD or is that your bra size!!
n Del-alcohol affects your perfor-
mance in telephone boxes!

Bare Facts wants your Easter stories, letters
and personals. Email them from university
or home to Barefacts@surrey.ac.uk
The office and darkroom facilities will be
open through most of the holiday for pho-
tography, dissertation writing, etc. Please
ring to check first.
Korean Society AGM, 27 March 6pm
Wates House. Contact Young-Tae Cho
236149
Reminder to all Final Year Economists:
Please return yearbook forms before the end
of week 10.
WINDSURFING CLUB. Windsurfing
tops for sale £32.50, mostly navy blue, some
other colours available. Contact Adam, ext.
4241, cv42ab or via the windsurfing pigeon
thole. We still meet every Friday at 1pm
upstairs in the Union. All abilities welcome.
Anyone interested in doing the RYA level
one beginners course after Easter, please
Notices
contact Adam (above).
Room available in student house off
Northway about 15 mins from campus. Rent
£195 pcm until July All mod cons, newly
refurbished etc. Phone (01483) 504629
Have you got a parent suffering from
mental illness?
Would you be willing to help me with some
research into the experiences of young peo-
ple like yourself? If so, I would like to talk
to you, IN COMPLETE CONFIDENCE,
about what life has been like at home, and
what has helped you to cope. Please tele-
phone Stella Charman on 01420 487924
Decriminalise Cannabis March. Sat 28th
March, assemble Midday at the reformer’s
tree in Hyde Park, for march to Trafalgar
Square. Keep ‘em peeled for more details.
Fancy a bit of International Rugby after
the exams? The Sanyo Cup at Twickenham
will feature the star-studded World XV ver-
sus 1998 English Club Champions on Sat
23rd May (end wk 14) Tickets £20 or £26
including transport. Contact Alex Langley,
ext 4739, Email cv31al
Graduation photos
Are you graduating this year? Do you want
a photo the moment of presentation of your
degree (i.e.you actually getting your certifi-
cate.) Other photos are taken anyway, so
would this be too intrusive? Please Email
your views to the Union President
(su-pres) or fill in a Union suggestion slip.
Room Available next year. House on
Canterbury Road, 15 mins walk. All mod
cons. £48 per week plus bills. Will be shar-
ing with three girls. Phone Antonia x4358
or Claire x4219.
2 rooms to rent in Guildford Park Avenue
House, for summer period through to
September. Ring 01483 833276 for details.
Badminton Club AGM, Tuesday week 14
(28th April), Grant Mitchell Room, 7pm.
Netgamer AGM, 29th April, 7:30 LTB
Email netgamer@ee.surrey.ac.uk
ChemEngSoc AGM is to be held on
wednessday the sixth of May (Week 12) at
13:00 to 14:00, in LTL
University Swimmers. There will be no
swimming 9-10pm at the Spectrum on May
11th.
Women’s Waterpolo AGM - Friday 1st
May, 5pm, Grant Mitchell Room.
American Football AGM, 5th May 18:30
(after Sports Standing C/tee) LTE
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Features Thursday 26th March 1998 n

Silly night: stupidity

to continue after
Easter
your double & mixer for £1.
‘Kyle Silly’
Week 13? It’s Space, the final
nce more unto the breach, dear

O fiends, as someone famouse once

said. I think it was the big one out of
The Krankies. Have we got big flans for the
last three Silly Nights after Easter? Oh, yes.
Week 11, or 29th April, as some people will
have it, it’s the one we’ve all been waiting
for, it’s....BEACH WEAR. So, when you go
home for Easter raid your grannies’ cupbard
for those sexy 1930’s cosines. And that’s
just for the boys. And if you can’t face
going to Blow’s afterwards in shirts and
Hawaiian shorts, then a bucket and spade
will do. To get you in the mood we’re going
to have palm trees, hula (hoop) competition,
and Shy Coconuts. Find the coconuts for a
FREE drink. And remember you’ll need to
make the effort otherwise you’ll not get
frontier...again. We’ve got the new Star
Wars trilogy on the big screens. You know
the veal, make a space ship, brig a phaser, a
cardboard cut-out storm trooper, dress as
Darth Vader. Whatever. And remember
you’ll need to make the effort otherwise
you’ll not get your dog & bone for £1. But
the nub, some say crux, the jewel of the-bit-
after-Easter, is Week 15. It’s Blind Drunk
Date. Silly Night plays match maker (minty
ones). Find your partner in the onion for
your double & mixer. Plus ‘our’ Cilla will
be on had to see which lucky lass gets to go
home with... And remember you’ll need
to...do what? Have a Happy Easter, if not a
Little Chef will do. See you there.

Graduation Ball plans Graduation Ball 1998 Budget

Income

near completion
Ticket Sales 1000 1500
Ticket Income £42,553 £63,830
Sponsorship £200 £200
Commission £0 £0
£42,753 £64,030
used by the graduates. complement their graduation and the Outgoing
Sally Kentfield end of three or four (or more) years Essentials
Why are the tickets £50? Where does it spent studying here and using the Insurance £500 £500
all go? Students Union”. Therefore it is Security £900 £900
Fencing £496 £496
Why is it on campus? The basic necessities like power, mar- intended the that Union Club does not
Power £1,000 £1,000
Rumours have been travelling regard- quees, sound lights, security, fences, make a loss, but all ticket money Trackway £825 £825
ing grad ball being at Thorpe Park. We etc. take up a large chunk of the received WILL be spent on entertain- Structures
did look into this, as well as other money, as does the allocation of ticket ment or infrastructure for the ball. Stage £4,635 £4,635
places like Loseley Park, Chessington, money towards food. The other big Domes £2,800 £2,800
Clandon Park and many other loca- expenses are the drapes for the Union Where do I get my ticket? Marquees £2,000 £4,000
tions. None of them were willing to let and the cost of the bands and their Tickets will be available from Union Forklift/Truck £600 £600
associated extras (food, drink, etc.). reception from Monday of week 11 Trussing/Motors £1,200 £1,200
us run a ball through until 6am on their
The budget shown here lays out total after Easter. We hope that the event Barrier £400 £400
grounds. Scaffolding £60 £60
costing (before VAT) for both 1000 programmes will also be available then
Decoration
Why are we not having any guest DJ’s? tickets sold, and 1500 tickets sold. and will be given out with your tickets. Lights £2,060 £3,400
Our beloved Friday and Saturday DJ’s Going by previous years sales, only You will then be able to plan your Sound £500 £900
will all play for less than £1000 for the 1000 tickets are normally sold. As evening before the ball and ensure that Blackout £2,500 £9,450
three of them whilst Dave Pearce more tickets are sold we will confirm you know where all the entertainments Bannerama £800 £1,000
would charge us £1500 to play for an the booking of all the extras that will be, and when they will be occur- Sofas £0 £2,200
hour, similarly, Mark Goodier is £3000 appear on the budget for 1500 tickets ring so that you do not miss out on Stairs £100 £100
being sold. anything. Carpeting £0 £2,000
for an hour, and Pete Tong costs even
Entertainment
more. We believe that we can obtain Main Band £7,500 £7,500
better value for money by spending Where can I stay?
Support £1,000 £1,000
that amount on entertainment that lasts Local hotels, campus (See advertis- DJ’s £750 £750
for longer than an hour. ment earlier in this issue). Funfair £6,000 £7,000
Mini Golf £0 £800
The funfair is always great, but will the So what entertainments will there actu- Magician £0 £250
Union be naff? ally be on the night? Photos/Tattoos £1,000 £1,000
The Union building is a notoriously This is a listing of all the suggested Jazz Band £100 £250
entertainments that we could feasibly Casino £900 £900
difficult venue to attempt to make look
provide, although we could only pro- Balloon Man £0 £150
different. Drapes and banners for the Double Six Club £0 £1,000
walls and ceiling are very expensive. vide all of them if all 1500 tickets are
Fireworks £0 £1,602
We will be trying to fit in as many dif- sold. Compere £0 £200
ferent side acts and entertainment’s as Band Riders £500 £500
we can so that it is not just another Does the Union Club intend to make Other
Friday night out disco for 6 hours. We any profit on the Grad Ball? Advertising £122 £300
are limited by the number of areas To quote the previous General Programmes £1,180 £1,180
where we can place the side acts and Manager of the Students Union, “The Tickets £400 £400
graduation ball is a service that the Crew Costs £500 £800
entertainment’s as each area used for
Union Club provides the students as a Contingency £1,425 £1,982
such a purpose cannot therefore be TOTAL £42,753 £64,030
memorable and fitting occasion to
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11
n Thursday 26th March 1998
Dear Russ
Dr Russ replies
Is it really worth writing speculatively to an
employer, surely they’d advertise the job if
they wanted someone badly enough?
Dear Mustapha
There is a lot of truth in what you say, and
that’s why it’s so important to keep a watch-
ful eye on advertised vacancies.
Unfortunately, you can’t guarantee you will
spot the advertisement when it does come
out, so writing ‘on spec’ at least gives you a
chance to be considered for something you
might otherwise have missed. There are
two other very good reasons for writing out
of the blue. First of all, it can be pretty
expensive to advertise a job and employers
wouldn’t waste their money if they had suf-
ficient speculative applications sitting on
their desks. Secondly, it really works, as 7%
of University of Surrey graduates found last
year.
In case you’re interested, I’ll run through
the accepted procedure for writing on spec.
Most people send a curriculum vitae and a
covering letter. The letter would typically
be four paragraphs - who you are, why you
are writing, what particular skills and expe-
rience you have to offer and a closing para-
graph to say how much you’d value having
Crossword No. 70
Down
1. Blemish (6)
2. A scolding woman (5)
3. Revolve rapidly (5)
5. Unbeliever (7)
6. Newly-enlisted person (7)
7. End of a rugger game (2-4)
9. Children’s outdoor game (3-6)
14. Something that’s offensive to look at (7)
15. Climbing plant-organ (7)
16. Aromatic vegetable substances (6)
17. Grating (6)
20. Wigwam (5)
21. A Long sentence (5)
Solution to Crossword no. 69
Across: 1.ripen 4.parasol 8.fan-tail 9.moist 10.lair 11.meanness 13.safest 14.stupor 18.mandrill 20.ling
22.raven 23.janitor 24.Harlech 25.Pairs
Down: 1.raffles 2.pontiff 3.neat 4.pullet 5.ruminate 6.Seine 7.lotus 12.estrange 15.pointer 16.regards
17.Elijah 18.mirth 19.never 21.snip
Page 11 (1,1)
an opportunity to discuss your application
with them. We have an example in the
Careers Service if you would like to come in
and pick up a copy.
You may, of course, feel a bit stuck in trying
to decide who to apply to. If that is the case,
you’d probably find it helpful to use some
of the employer directories we carry. You
could use something like Prospects
Directory ’98 to identify all the major
employers of graduates or you could use a
directory such as KOMPASS to locate all
the employers who operate in very special-
ist areas such as nuclear instrumentation
manufacture or the production of automo-
tive components. We also have local
employer lists for most parts of the country.
The more you move off the beaten track, by
the way, the greater your chances of
unearthing a vacancy which no-one else has
found.
So I would encourage you to try writing
speculatively. You might end up with piles
of rejection letters or even no responses at
all, but then you might just discover a
nugget of a job which gets your career off to
a brilliant start.
Russ Clark
Careers Service
Across
1. Repudiate (6)
2. Lemon-like-fruit (6)
8. Polish up (7)
10. Central point (5)
11. Species of primrose (7)
12. Ancient Celtic priest (5)
13. Make expressive body movements
(11)
18. Trim with the beak (5)
19. Nominal (7)
22. Singing group (5)
23. Optimistic (7)
24. Inflexibly hard (6)
25. Unit of temperature (6)
Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham
Features
Canoe club gets
competitive
‘Fraggle’
Canoe Club Captain
or the fist time in living memory, even
F that of granddad Brewer, canoe
entered a competition. The 3rd British
Universities playboating competition at
Teesside White Water centre. A depleted
squad of four left with a gush of tears from
Haggis’ bird, cheers Lou, it touched the
heart strings of us all. Excuses for not
attending ranged from lack of rucksacks for
kit, broken hand, to ‘bloke doesn’t paddle
so neither do I now’, but hey, meant more
bus and tent space for the rest of us.
After the rather long bus journey up north,
we hit the organised Friday night party and
started on the Diesels, trying to forget about
the 8am start. Morning broke with a hang-
over, closely followed by Wacky-races to
the course for the first event, the river run-
ning to sort the spods for the boaters. This
involved paddling the course while com-
pleting various manoeuvres such as rolls,
surfs and throwing paddles through hoops.
Due to hangovers and any other excuse we
could think of, we did pants, but did all
make the first 50% cut out of 200 paddlers.
We got grouped into random categories of
Haggis & Tricky ‘taking it easy’, Fraggle
‘trying slightly’ and Steve “I am a surrey
student honest” in the group labelled ‘dogs-
bollix’. The groups were then weeded down
in the quarter’s and semi’s by performing
top quality playboating moves on the stop-
pers such as paddle spins, rail grabs, flat
Trampoline ‘agents’
hit Bath
arch 7th 1998, 2pm, Surrey Students
M Union
Special agents meet to discuss mission. First
aim to find our transportation vessel “What
was the registration number again?” Our
course was set for the far out reach of the town
of Bath. The journey though long was
uneventful (apart from Lue feeling travel sick
before we left campus).
Later that day
Arrive at Bath university. Found trampolines.
Lue is happy rabbit because the trampolines
are sexy, and after an hour and a half, finally
gets on and practices her routine. Much inse-
curity from other special agents “I shouldn’t
be here I’m not good enough” so having con-
vinced good routines out of them, and per-
suaded Tweety toes to point his toes, and Posh
spice to keep his legs together we headed off
to find our resting place for the night, the
YMCA!!!!!! This is where the navigational
skill of our team failed, as we got lost on the
way out of the building, and ended up on the
wrong side of Campus.
8pm That Evening
The Pizza Monster was getting a little peckish
so Pint of cider navigated us to “Pizza
Express” before nipping off for a quickie (pint
that is) with Posh Spice. We then got the Beers
in, or at least Tweety toes, Pint of Cider and
Posh Spice did, before returning to the YMCA
11
spins and just generally looking damn good.
Haggis included capsizing in this category
as well, bad show! Finally the 8 finalists
were announced with Haggis, Fraggle and
Steve making their finals, and Tricky reach-
ing the semi’s. With the morning tide used
up, we wacky raced to the beach for some
sun and surf, with several other uni’s and
proceded to terrorise the local surfer types
on some gorgeous vertical green waves.
The evening tide was used to hold the infa-
mous Topo duo event (double kayak) this
always ends in carnage with as many boats
in the hole as possible with much deck
pulling and cheating taking place. Surrey
(Haggis and Steve) finished 2nd after being
narrowly beaten by Bangor uni, who pulled
their decks and mooned at the judges.
Saturday night, involved more drinking and
the unfortunate eating of a rather dodgy
kebab, which tried to escape several times
the following day. The finals held on the
Sunday were tough and finally saw Haggis
and Fraggle 5th in their finals while Steve,
beat several members of the British squad to
achieve a good 3rd in a terrible hole, which
wouldn’t allow verticals let alone cart-
wheels. With paddlers being drowned,
bending paddles, cracking helmets and gen-
erally looking worried, it was not looking
good for us mere mortal paddlers who were
on next. Surrey competed against the best
Britain could offer (and some French
bloke). We’ll be back next year in north
Wales, to win events this time and not loose
to mooning from Bangor uni. Congrats to
Skinny and the rest of the BMX club for uni
championship results.
for communal back massages, though some
took a little longer than others.
March 8th 1998 8am (yes that time actually
does exist)
Special agents were woken up, washed
dressed, and fed, and on their way to the sports
hall.
The first round was an eventful one, with Caz
and Lue both finding 9’s for their routines, and
lying in =1sta and 3rd respectively and Tweety
Toes lying 4th., there was a small catastrophe
in the novices, when Posh decided to make his
routine look a little less Posh than usual.
The second round saw brilliant routines from
our Novices, particularly Pizza Monster who
fought her way to 25th place, closely followed
by Baby and Posh in 33rd and 34th respec-
tively.
So onto the final for our brave special agents
Caz, Lue and Tweety Toes. I say brave
because the final was done so that each indi-
vidual jumped alone so every one could watch,
- you mean people watch these things?
After some splendid trampolining, Caz lead
our secret agents in 2nd place with Lue close
at her heals in 6th, and Tweety pulled his socks
up and held onto his 9th place position in what
is to be his last BUSA competition, Ahh we
are going to miss you Tweety.
So Mission accomplished and the secret
agents return to base, the only mystery that
remains unsolved is what happened to the
Apple Danish ?
ed980326.qxd 21/04/98 15:11 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sport Thursday 26th March 1998 n

Campusport 1998 London Marathon:

Campusport wish you all a very energising
Easter break and for those of you who are
remaining on campus or in the Guildford
area, we are running a shortened programme
of activities. These will all take place at the
Sports Centre unless specified otherwise.
- Mondays (30th March, 6th & 20th April) -
6.00 p.m. Aerobics with Danny
- Tuesdays (31st March, 7th & 21st April) -
7.00 a.m. Early Morning Fitness;
1.00 p.m. Lunch Time Aerobics; 1.10 p.m.
Lunch Time Stretch (in the Dance
you need balls
p.m. Tone to the Bone
- Thursdays (2nd, 16th & 23rd April) - 6.30
p.m. Legs, Bums & Tums
- Fridays (3rd, 17th & 24th April) - 7.00
a.m. Early Morning Fitness and is doubling in frequency close to 3 hours as he can.
All other facilities at both the Sports Centre Andy Dawson every 20 years. The event also incorporates
and Varsity Centre will remain available the BUSA Marathon
(badminton, squash, tennis, ATP etc.) opefully that’s got The Institute of Cancer Championships and will be
although during the week 9th April - 15th
April, opening times will be variable.
All details are available from the Sports
Centre and the new brochures for a fuller
H your attention. Do
you realise that one
in three of us is likely to suf-
Research will be construct-
ing the UK’s first dedicated
male cancer research centre
later this year, in Surrey.
broadcast on the BBC on
Sunday 26th April 98.

For the sake of your broth-

fer from some form of can-
Department Studio); 6.00 p.m. Circuit summer programme beginning on Monday cer ? By the year 2018 it is Two of the University run- ers, fathers, boyfriends and
Training. 27th April will be ready shortly. estimated that 1 in 4 men ners, Andy Dawson and any sons you may go on to
- Wednesdays (1st, 8th & 22nd April)- 1.00 will suffer from prostate Luke Godfrey will be run- have, please get your hands

Surrey cleans up at
cancer, of which 70% will
actually die from the dis-
ease; bladder cancer is 3
times more prevalent in men
ning this year’s London in your pockets and dig
Marathon with the aim of deep. Donations and spon-
raising both cash and aware- sorship are both welcomed,
ness for the issue of male more details from Andy on

Climbing Competition than women; start squirming cancers. Luke is hoping to ms61ad@surrey.ac.uk
- testicular cancer mainly complete the course and
occurs in men aged 24 to 35 Andy is aiming to finish as

N Bodsworth,
D Driscoll,
of skin and hanging around, ALL the prizes
for the universities section went to USMC
climbers, as follows:
The Eagle has granded
J McCarthy-Holland Top scoring beginner: Heidi Petzold
Top scoring open class: Arwell Roberts
s we travelled to Redhill indoor Top scoring university team: USMC A

A climbing wall, our thoughts were of

enjoyment, participation and with a
little bit of luck the odd mention in the final
(Arwell, Matt, Joe & Sharon)
Best overall team: USMC A

standings. What we did not anticipate after
finally arriving at the third sports centre in
the area was that weÕd walk away with
slightly more than weÕd bargained for.
The competition consisted of each person
climbing fifteen routes in either an open or
beginners category, climbing for team and
individual points. The grades ( for the non-
climbers ) ranged from hard to very hard
(beginners) and stupid-hard to bastard-hard
(open).
After much finger strain, pumped arms, lack
Good performances were put in by all with
exceptional scores being obtained by Dan
Sudbury and Tom Linecar - so much so that
they were expelled from the beginners ranks
and given default scores in the open class.
Neil (turning up a whole 2hrs late) put us all
to shame by ending up third overall even
though he only had an hour to complete the
routes. We all had a good time and felt we
hadn’t done badly considering this was the
first competition most of us had entered.
The abseilers pose with Eddie Edwards at the Grand Hotel in Brighton
length of rotting rope was found on the roof,
Alex Langley which looked as though it had been there
since WW2. The rope was attached to EEE,
s soon as we drove past the Grand who proceeded to get into some interesting

A on the sea front we noticed the flag-

pole swaying in the wind. It was
actually more violent than a sway but we
persuaded ourselves otherwise due to the
fact we (Bimbo, Wurzel, Valleys and Just
did it) were about to dangle from 7 storeys
on the end of a rope.
The purpose of the trip to the seaside was to
promote The Big Dangle at Brighton on
23rd May. The event has been arranged in
support of the Imperial Cancer Research
Fund.
By 10.30 our ‘Fearless-Four’ were sat in the
Grand enjoying a coffee rather than the sec-
ond hour of Space Structures (never-
mind!?). Our highly intellectual and stimu-
lating conversation was suddenly killed by
one odd question, ‘Whatever happened to
Eddie the ‘Eagle’ Edwards??’ There were
looks of bemusement all-round until we
realised that the star of the upcoming photo
shoot had just arrived!!
It was at this point that a call was received
to say the Abseil team had broken down en-
route and would not be able to make it.
Determined not to be beaten we all went up
on the roof to see what could be done. A
poses for the publicity shots. If you remem-
ber him from the Winter Olympics all those
years ago, you will probably agree that he
was brave, but at least ‘a couple cans short
of a six pack’.
Sometimes photographers lack concern for
human life, in this instance it was a lack of
respect for gravity, as skiing on stairs is not
a recipe for success. Whilst all this was
going on us ‘Kids’ were getting a bit bored,
so we decided to have some cheeky fun.
However we were soon over the moon!, as
the next shot involved the four of us, and the
‘Eagle’ himself.
All in all a great day was had by all down at
the Grand, and with a bit of luck it should be
a bit warmer and less windy by the end of
May.
The aim of that day and this article is to pub-
licise the Dangle at the Grand on 23rd May.
If anyone is interested in taking part, and
would like some more information then call
Alex on ext. 4739 or e-mail on cv31al, alter-
natively call Chris on ext. 4191 or e-mail on
cv41cm.

COLOURS BALL - IMPORTANT NOTICE. Lobsters are now OFF THE MENU due to an unexpected price rise. Please let Cazza know
what you want instead (9981)Sorry for the inconvenience.