CAE Writing Critique and Correction

Details
Name:
Writing Task:
Submitted:
Marked:

(Sawako)
(Letter of Complaint)
(11/11/09)
(12/11/09)

Instructions
Your submitted piece of writing appears on Page 3, with mistakes indicated using the
codes below. We suggest you:
1) read our general feedback of your writing on Page 2.
2) read through your work on Page 3 and try to correct the mistakes using the
marking codes below.
3) when you have corrected as much as you can turn to page 4 and compare your
corrections with our own.
4) finally read our summary on page 4

Marking Codes

/\
?
C
Gd
O
P
PE
S
VF
WF
WO
WT

Word or words missing

Dont understand
Omit word
Capitalization error
Good use of English
Organisation lapse
Punctuation
Poorly expressed/unclear
Spelling
Verb form
Wrong form
Word order
Wrong tense
Copyright Flo-Joe 2010

 WW

Wrong word

Writing Task
Writing Paper: Part 2
Task type: Letter of complaint
Question
Read this extract from a letter you have recently sent to a friend:
.... Oh, and by the way, don't go to Barry's Restaurant for your birthday. We went
there last night - the service was awful and the food was a disaster! I complained to
the head waiter but he asked me to put it in writing ...
Write your letter of complaint to the restaurant manager. (Around 220-260 words).

General Feedback (according to CAE marking criteria)

Content
+ All main points in the task were covered and dealt with logically.
Organisation and Cohesion
+ The letter is well organised into paragraphs and there are some good uses of
cohesive devices such as: First, Furthermore, Finally, However, Therefore.
Range and Accuracy
+ There were several examples of good use of grammatical structures.
-- The letter would have been improved with a better choice of vocabulary,
Register and Format
+ The letter was written in an appropriately formal style, particularly in the final
paragraph.
Target Reader
+ The manager would be fully informed of the issues and what the customer wants.

Copyright Flo-Joe 2010

Feedback: Indicated Mistakes

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express my annoyance at {/\} your restaurant yesterday. I chose your
restarurant (S) to invite three of my important business clients, reading {WF} "Best
Restaurants in Britain 2000", but the realitiy (S) was far from its recommendation
{Exp}.
First, as stated in the guide book, you have a variety of course (WW) meals in (WW)
the menu. However, only 2 for meat {PE} and 1 for fish {PE} were on offer yesterday.
This deeply dissapointed (S) my guests. Therefore, we chose (/\) starter, (/\) main dish
and dessert la carte, but it was not very easy. Many were unavailable; e.g. we did
not have any other choices than (WO) onion soup and seafood salad for (/\) starter.
Furthermore, the meals were not served at the same time. About five minutes after a
ram (S} steak was put on the table for one of my clients, any of others had not been
served yet (PE). Therefore, he had to start alone. I asked your staff to bring all the
other meals soon and in another five minutes only two, including my grilled salmon,
were brought to us. When the other one, steamed trout, was put on the table, the client
who had (WT) a ram (S) steak had almost finished.
Finally, the beef steak my client had was overcooked, although he asked (WT) for a
medium-cooked (/\).
On paying the bill, I complained about this inconvenience to your head waiter, but he
asked me to contact you directly in writing (Gd). I feel that a refund of at least 200,
which is half of our payment (WW), would be appropriate. I look forward to receiving
a satisfactory reply within 14 days (Gd).
Yours faithfully,
Jane Smith

Copyright Flo-Joe 2010

Feedback: Corrected Task

Dear Sir or Madam
I am writing to express my annoyance at (the service I received in) your restaurant
yesterday. I chose your (restaurant) to invite three of my important business clients,
(having read) "Best Restaurants in Britain 2000", but the (reality) (failed to live up
to my expectations).
First, as stated in the guide book, you have a variety of (set) meals (on) the menu.
However, only 2 meat dishes and 1(fish dish) were on offer yesterday. This deeply
(disappointed) my guests. Therefore, we chose (a) starter, (a) main dish and dessert
la carte, but it was not very easy. Many were unavailable; e.g. we did not have (any
choices other than) onion soup and seafood salad for (a) starter.
Furthermore, the meals were not served at the same time. About five minutes after a
(rump) steak was put on the table for one of my clients, (none of the others had
been served). Therefore, he had to start alone. I asked your staff to bring all the other
meals soon and in another five minutes only two, including my grilled salmon, were
brought to us. When the other one, steamed trout, was put on the table, the client who
(had had) a (rump) steak had almost finished.
Finally, the beef steak my client had was overcooked, although he (had asked) for a
medium-cooked (steak).
On paying the bill, I complained about this inconvenience to your head waiter, but he
asked me to contact you directly in writing. I feel that a refund of at least 200, which
is half of our (bill) would be appropriate. I look forward to receiving a satisfactory
reply within 14 days.
Yours faithfully,
Jane Smith

Feedback: Summary
This work IS of a standard we would expect from a student preparing for the CAE
exam. To maximize your chances of getting a good grade you should work on the
following areas:
You must check your spelling carefully.
You should make a note of the vocabulary corrections to do with dining, as
this is the main area for improvement in this letter.
You could remember to use the past perfect when describing past in the past.

Copyright Flo-Joe 2010