IN QUIETNESS

by Anna Moench

contact:
Ally Shuster
CAA
212-277-9000
ally.shuster@caa.com

Characters:
MAX: late 30s, Pauls wife. A former consultant who last lived in NYC, recently
moved to Texas so that her husband could attend seminary.
PAUL: late 30s, Maxs husband.
BETH: 20ish, Maxs roommate. Engaged, big ol diamond ring. Texan.
DUSTY: 20ish, Beths. Texan.
TERRI: 55, a Homemaking instructor. Unmarried. Texan. Never. Stops. Talking.
Settings:
A hospital far away.
The Homemaking House at a Southern Baptist seminary in Fort Worth, Texas.
Pauls apartment.
IKEA.
Time:
Present day.

A woman should learn in quietness and full submission.

1 Timothy 2:11

Wife, for all you know, you might save your husband.
Husband, for all you know, you might save your wife.
1 Corinthians 7:16

1
SCENE 1
PAUL sits in a chair. A heart monitor beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
PAUL
I met you in my parents basement, the first joint I sucked down and giggled up
alongside best friends I never liked. I met you in class, after class, in the library, in my
dorm, in hers, in hers, in hers. I met you on the silent interstate between Vegas and
Reno, the deserts bruised night sky vaulting above and the stubborn headlights
chipping away at its feet as though there was such a thing as a chance in hell and
maybe it was mine, maybe I deserved it just because I was young enough. I met you so
many times, places, in so many half-thoughts and half-lives, in so many choices, so
many compromises, so many denials, so many possibilities, over and over and over
again, that when I finally met you I could have sculpted the veined cathedral of your
palate out of mud.
I knew you.
I know you.
And its over now, if youll just wake up. Its all over and Im all yours like I was always
meant to be, if youll just open your eyes and see me.
Like you know me.
Like you knew me.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
A dark apartment. Paul sits alone. Keys in the lock.
MAX enters with a rolling suitcase. She stops and looks around the apartment.
MAX
Why are you just sitting here in the dark like a murderer?
PAUL
I need to talk to you.

2
MAX
Turn the light on, weirdo.
Max turns the light on and starts settling in.
MAX
Im so sorry, I have to go again. First thing tomorrow. Huge shake up at one of my
clients today, I would have gone straight there but I didnt hear about it till I was already
wheels up.
PAUL
Max.
MAX
Anyway. Forget it. Well hang out next weekend. Did you get some writing done this
week?
PAUL
Not really.
MAX
Not inspired, huh?
Pause.
PAUL
Do you want a drink?
MAX
No, Im too hungry, Ill get drunk.
Max goes offstage, into the kitchen.
MAX
(OS, disappointed)
Leftovers?
PAUL
Max, come here.
Max enters.
MAX
I hate leftovers. Lets order something. Thai?

3
PAUL
Max. Please.
MAX
Fine, not Thai. Whatever you want. But not Ethiopian. I dont want to have to eat with
my hands. I dont understand why everyone finds that charming.
Max pulls out her phone and scrolls through her contacts.
PAUL
I need to tell you something.
MAX
(looking at her phone.)
What?
Silence.
MAX
(looking at her phone.)
What?
Silence.
PAUL
Nothing.
Max glances up.
MAX
okay
Max goes back to her phone.
PAUL
No
Max glances up.
MAX
(really asking)
What?
Silence.

4
MAX
Well, you think about it.
She pushes a number and holds her phone to her ear.
MAX
Hi, yeah, can I place an order for delivery? Im upstairs. Hi! Im good, how are you?
Thats good!
Yeah can I get a Pad Thai and a Massaman Curry with rice? And a green papaya
salad? Yeah. Thanks.
Sure, one sec.
Max digs through her purse for her wallet. She pulls out her credit card.
MAX
Okay. Its 5293
PAUL
Ive been having an affair.
Max freezes and looks at Paul.
Silence.
MAX
um. Yes. Sorry. Um.
3567
3356
9384.
Um.
293.
Thank you. Okay.
Max ends the call and puts the phone down.
PAUL
Im
Silence.

5
MAX
Okay.
Well.
Thanks for telling me?
PAUL
Theres something else.
MAX
Oh my god.
Shes pregnant.
PAUL
No. No.
MAX
Oh.
PAUL
No.
Shesshe was crossing the street and a cab was turning left and it
Shes unresponsive. Shes in a
Shes unresponsive.
Silence. Paul chews his lip to keep from crying.
MAX
Am I
Am I supposed to say
Im sorry?
PAUL
(under his breath)
Fuck you.
MAX
Excuse me??
PAUL
This is hard for me.

MAX
For YOU?

6
PAUL
Yes!
MAX
Are you seriously expecting me to express condolences for your MISTRESS?
PAUL
I dont know.
Youre right. I just.
I dont know.
Paul sits on the couch. Puts his face in his hands.
PAUL
I feel so guilty, Max.
Silence. Max sits next to him.
MAX
Fuck, Paul.
PAUL
I know.
Silence.
MAX
You know what?
Paul looks at Max.
MAX
Lets just forget it.
PAUL
Forget it?
MAX
Lets just forget it. Okay? I know Ive been gone. A lot. I know that. I know it sucks.
So I guess what Im saying is. Lets just. Lets just forget it. Clean slate. New day. All that
shit.
PAUL
I cant just forget it.

7
MAX
Why not?
Silence.
MAX
Are you in love with her?
Silence.
The doorbell rings. Max goes to the door. She thanks the delivery person and signs the
slip. She closes the door. Holds the bag of food and looks at Paul.
MAX
Im going to go to bed, do you want this?
Paul shakes his head.
Max throws the bag of food into the trash on her way offstage to the bedroom.
Lights shift.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
A week passes. Paul remains on the couch. Keys in the lock. Max enters with her rolling
suitcase.
MAX
Hey.
PAUL
Hey.
MAX
How was your week.
PAUL
I was mostly at the hospital.
Max goes to the bedroom. Closes the door.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.

A week passes. Paul remains on the couch. Keys in the lock. Max enters with her rolling
suitcase. She doesnt look at Paul.
Max goes to the bedroom. Closes the door.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
A week passes. Paul remains on the couch. Keys in the lock. Max enters with her rolling
suitcase. She doesnt look at Paul.
Max goes to the bedroom. Closes the door.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
A week passes. Paul stands. Keys in the lock. Max enters with her rolling suitcase.
PAUL
We need to talk.
MAX
Fine. Talk.
SCENE 2
Months later. Late morning, late summer. TERRI leads Max and BETH into the
Homemaking House. Max and Beth are pulling large rolling suitcases behind them,
trying to keep up.
TERRI
Hardwood floors, granite counter-tops, and all stainless steel applianceseverything
completely modern and state-of-the-art. What are you waiting for, ladies, the Rapture?
You know what they say about the present, dont you, no time like it.
She stops dead in her tracks and inhales deeply.
I just love that new-house smell, dont you? Drywall and paint, and all that. Grout. Caulk.
I could live in a new house forever.
MAX
Its really

TERRI
(Pointing at the chandelier as they pass underneath it.)
Wrought iron,
MAX
Uh
TERRI
(Pointing, pointing)
Mahogany, wall to wall carpeting,
MAX
(Pointing up at something high)
I like the, um
TERRI
(Pointing at the floor)
The authentic Bellagio Gold porcelain tiling, why thank you, sweetheart, you would not
believe how many people fail to notice the Bellagio Gold porcelain tiling, you honestly
would not. Now, this is the front living room, where you and the rest of the girls will study
Hospitality and Supportive Networking.
Pointing.
Fireplace.
Gas.
MAX
Supportive Networking?
TERRI
Hospitality and Supportive Networking. Its a freshman seminar.
MAX
I just havent heard that term
TERRI
Supportive Networking? Say your husband has the deacon and his wife over for supper
one night. Say hes up for a promotion. Your job is to make the deacon feel comfortable
and provided for, to gently guide the conversation toward topics that frame your
husband in the best possible light. And to become friendly with his wife, of course,
because we all know how influential a few words from the right pair of lips at just the
right moment can be to a man, right, ladies?
Beth giggles. Max looks at her.

10
Terri is suddenly overwhelmed.
OhLook at you girls. This is history, right here in this front living room. Right here.
Terri places a palm on each womans cheek.
Yall are making history.
She lets this sink in for a moment, then matter-of-factly slaps their cheeks with her
palms.
Lets get you settled in.
She briskly heads up the stairs. Beth and Max follow, dragging their suitcases up the
stairs with difficulty.
The Homemaking program is the newest addition to the Seminary curriculum, but its
foundations are ancient. To be quite honest, it is a mark of how far our society has fallen
that we even have to offer this sort of training, but Lord knows, it is an honor and a
privilege to be the one to do so. Ladies, please, dont scratch the stairs, they are maple,
thank you, lift from the knees, thats it. Back in the day, young women already knew
everything Im about to teach you, just from helping their mothers. They didnt need a
Bachelors degree to prove theyd make competent wives. But. Times change. And they
change back. And here we all are! So! Yall unpack. We have a lot of work to do in a
hurry if this place is going to be ready in time for Welcome Day. Essentially, ladies, we
are tasked with turning this house into a home. What do you say, front living room in 15
minutes, good? Good.
Terri turns and starts heading down the stairs.
MAX
UmMiss Terri?
TERRI
Yes maam.
MAX
Which rooms are we in?
TERRI
That one right there.
MAX
This ones mine?

11
TERRI
Yes, maam.
MAX
So which one is Beths?
TERRI
That one right there.
MAX

TERRI
Yall are roommates, didnt you know that?
MAX
No.
TERRI
No! Well allow me to be the bearer of good news! Maxine, Beth, Beth, Maxine. You girls
are gonna have so much fun!
MAX
Thatsreally great, and everything, but, uhIm married.
TERRI
And Beth here just got engaged! Thats why you two are our very first Hostesses. Youll
have lots to share with the younger girls on the subject of marriage.
Now, yall have so much to talk about, Ill get out of your hair.
MAX
The thing is, Iwell, I thought I could maybe have my husband come by some nights.
TERRI
Ohhhhh, no no no, Maxine. Im sorry. Not in the Homemaking House. No, maam. This
house is a place for young women. Cant have that sort of thing here.
MAX
Marriage?
TERRI
Intimacy.
Silence. Beth and Terri look at Max.

12
TERRI
Is this going to be a problem?
MAX
Not at all. I understand.
TERRI
I admit, it does seem strange that a happily married couple would choose to live apart.
MAX
Oh. Well. This is just such a great opportunity for me. And I want to take full advantage
of it.
TERRI
Well said.
See you in the front living room in 15oop, look at that, now its 13 minutes. Time
marches forth and all that. Good? Good.
She starts down the stairs again, then stops and points at the banister.
Hand carved.
She goes downstairs. Max looks into the room. Beth is standing next to a set of bunk
beds.
BETH
Top or bottom?
SCENE 3
Pauls apartment. He lies on the couch, holding a Bible above his face. Reading and
rereading. He lies it on his chest. Feels the weight. Presses a fist into an eye.
The doorbell.
He punches his eye lightly.
The doorbell.
He punches his eye harder.
The doorbell.
PAUL
JESUS, MAX, HOLD ON FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND.

13

Silence.
PAUL
Shit.
Shoot.
(up towards the ceiling)
Sorry.
Paul gets up and goes to the door. Opens it, Max is outside, holding a spiky potted
plant.
MAX
Little harsh.
PAUL
Sorry.
MAX

Can I come in?

Or
PAUL
Yeah. Yeah. Sorry.
Max comes in. She looks around, holding the plant.
PAUL
Plant?
MAX
I thought it would be nice. Something green. Something to take care of. I dont know. Its
stupid.
PAUL
No, its.
MAX
Im terrible with plants.
PAUL
Well.
MAX
But its really for you. I guess. I mean. Its your place.

14

PAUL
Its our place.
MAX
Yeah but its your place though. I dont even have keys.
PAUL
Ill get you some.
MAX
When?
PAUL
When I can.
MAX
I cant get you keys to the Homemaking House, apparently. Not allowed. But it doesnt
matter anyway. I have a roommate.
PAUL
Really?
MAX
Yep. Some shy Bible freak. So you cant stay over.
PAUL
Huh.
MAX
Look, where should I put this thing.
PAUL
Maybe put it over there?
MAX
Really?

PAUL
For now.
Max puts the plant where Paul suggested. She pokes herself on one of the spikes.
MAX
OW!

15
PAUL
What!
MAX
This fucking plant poked the shit out of my hand!!
PAUL
Max.
Max looks up at him, holding her hand.
PAUL
Southern Baptist school, remember? Lets try to get in the habit.
Max glares at him, but doesnt say anything. She sucks her hand. Stands up. They
examine the plant.
PAUL
What is it, anyway?
MAX
Oh, itsits a decorative something or other. Jade something orsomething in Latin.
Now I cant remember which one I picked and which one I didnt pick.
PAUL
It doesnt matter.
MAX
Right.
They stand there. Looking at the plant. Looking at each other.
PAUL
I was
Oh, what were you

MAX
So
Sorry, what
No, go ahead.

PAUL
No, I was just going to say, I was reading this passage. Before you got here.
MAX
Yeah?
Paul grabs his Bible and flips to his marked page.

16

PAUL
Elisha called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out
of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. Kings.
MAX

PAUL
What do you think it means?
MAX
Youre really asking?
PAUL
Yeah.
MAX
Kids died in a bear attack and some guy decided to spin it as proof that he could talk to
God.
PAUL
Okay. If you dont want to take this seriously
MAX
YOU ASKED.
Paul tosses the Bible onto the couch, angry.
MAX
Why did you ask if you didnt want me to answer??
PAUL
I wanted to have a discussion.
To share what Im studying with you.
Because this is going to be my career.
And if youre going to be my wife then
you are going to have to participate a
little bit. You just are.
Jesus Christ, Max, you cant SAY that
shit here! Shit. Fuck. Damn it. Shoot.
Fuck.
MMMMPPFFF.

MAX
Going to be?
Fuck you. That was me participating!

17

Paul stands there, a fist shoved into his mouth. Fuming at himself, at Max.
Max stares at him. He glares at her. She shifts her gaze to the plant.
Silence.
MAX
Well what the hell does it mean, then.
More silence.
Max turns her attention to her hand. An angry red welt is starting to form.
MAX
Shit, look at this.
PAUL
Seriously??
MAX
Paul, look at my fucking hand.
Paul looks.
PAUL
Yow.
MAX
Right?

PAUL
That thing really got you.
MAX
It hurts.
Is it poisonous? No, right?
PAUL
They dont sell poisonous plants.
MAX
Well I dont know.
Maybe Im allergic.

18

PAUL
You arent allergic.
MAX
Ive never been to Texas before. They might have different plants here. I mean, clearly
they do.
PAUL
They bring houseplants in from like Central America.
MAX
Well?
PAUL
Just put some ice on it. Youll be fine.
Max sucks on her welt and goes offstage to the kitchen.
While shes gone, Paul starts gathering his keys, phone, wallet. Bible.
Max comes back with ice.
MAX
I thought we could order pizzaOh.
PAUL
You stay. Im just going to the chapel.
MAX
Why?
PAUL
Need to do some reading.
MAX
So do it here.
PAUL
I cant focus here.
MAX
Come on, sure you can.
PAUL
Ill be back in a couple hours.

19

Max goes over to Paul. Hooks her fingers through his belt loops.
MAX
(quiet)
Do it here.
A still moment, then Paul gently unhooks her fingers.
PAUL
Ill be back later. Order whatever you want.
Max grabs her purse.
MAX
Thats okay.
I think Ill just go back to the Homemaking House.
Lots to do.
PAUL
Okay. Great.
MAX
Great?
PAUL
Great to keep busy.
Max snorts. She is all ready to go, but she just stands there.
PAUL
How is the House, anyway?
MAX
A suburban paradise.
PAUL
Thats nice.
MAX
I guess. Right now its kind of a mess, they just finished construction. Me and my
roommate have to clean and decorate the entire thing this weekend before the other
girls get here.
PAUL
Well, the pays decent.

20

Max makes a face.

PAUL
Okay. But youre a student again.
MAX
Please.
PAUL
Homemaking is a real skill, Max. Its hard work.
MAX
Oh believe me, you dont know the half of it. We got this checklist of our chores? Its
twelve pages long. Did you know that every Friday youre supposed to pour a cup of
bleach into every toilet in the house? Or that every six months youre supposed to move
all your large appliances and furniture and clean the floor underneath them? Or that
several times a day you are supposed to wipe your entire kitchen sink perfectly dry?
PAUL
Wow. Weve spent the last seven years living in abject filth.
MAX
Yeah.
Max is still standing by the door. She looks at it.
MAX
Well.
See ya.
She goes to the door, Paul hurries over. She turns her face to him, thinking hes about
to kiss her, but he reaches around her and opens the door for her.
MAX
Oh. Thank you.
PAUL
Maybe Ill come by tomorrow. You can give me a tour.
MAX
Right.
PAUL
I mean it.

21
MAX
Sure.
PAUL
I do.
MAX
Yes. I know. Im agreeing with you.
PAUL
Oh.
Pause.
MAX
What do you think it means. The verse.
PAUL
Oh. Well, before the bear attack, the kids were mocking the prophet. So I think its about
consequences.
MAX
Hm.
PAUL
Yeah.
Max nods and leaves. Paul shuts the door. Leans against it. Presses both fists into his
eyes. Looks up and sees the spiky plant. He takes it to the kitchen.
SCENE 4
That night. Max and Beths room. Darkness. Max and Beth are in their bunks.
Max is crying quietly. We might not even hear it at all.
Beths phone vibrates with an incoming call. She picks it up and looks at it, her face
illuminated for a moment. She turns it off.
BETH
(whispered, about the light and noise)
Sorry about that.
Max sniffles and clears her throat.

22
MAX
Its fine.
BETH
Maxine.
Are you okay?
Silence.
Maxine?
MAX
What.
BETH
Are youare you okay?
MAX
Yeah, Im fine.
BETH
Are you sure?
MAX
Yes.
BETH
I thoughtI dont know, maybe IAre you crying?
Max doesnt answer.
Whats wrong?
Beth turns on her reading light and stares up at the bottom of Maxs bunk.
BETH
Maxine
MAX
Its Max.
BETH
Oh. Okay. Well, I was just gonna sayyou can talk to me.
If you want to talk to someone.

23
MAX
Just go back to sleep.
BETH
I wasnt sleeping.
I find it hard to fall asleep without my teddy bear.
MAX
I find it hard to fall asleep without my vibrator.
BETH
What?

MAX
Never mind.
BETH
You have a
MAX
I was kidding.
BETH
Oh. So you dont have a
MAX
No. I do not have a vibrator, Beth. Dont freak out.
BETH
I wasnt.
I know sometimes people getlonely.
(Cheery, conspiratorial)
But I guess when youre married you dont needthat.
MAX
Well. I dont know.
BETH
Oh.
Long silence.
MAX
I used to have a career. Before I came here to learn housekeeping.

24
BETH
Homemaking.
MAX
Homemaking. Right.
Silence.
MAX
It was really good career, actually. Lucrative. The kind of career that comes with a closet
of expensive suits. You are so valuable that you spend every single day encased in silk.
With a career like that you walk down a lot of long hallways. And you wear shoes with
heels that click. Everyones always listening for your heels, because you can fire them.
So you wear shoes that broadcast your location. Its professional courtesy.
Never trust a boss with soft-soled shoes. She lacks compassion.
Silence.
You ever have a job?
BETH
I used to work at a bookstore. But I quit. Dusty and I got engaged, so, you know.
Silence.
MAX
Whats Dusty like?
BETH
Oh, hes your typical man. Football and Nascar and hours in the garage, tinkerin with
his toys. Particular about what he wants. Real sweet when he gets it.
MAX
And when he doesnt?
BETH
I make sure he does.
MAX
How did you two meet?
BETH
High school. He was the senior quarterback and I made the Varsity cheer team as a
freshman.

25

MAX
(knows nothing about football or cheerleading or what any of that meant, but knows
shes supposed to be impressed)
Mmm.
BETH
Ive always been mature for my age.
MAX
I bet.
BETH
Dusty got his Bachelors in May and during the graduationI was there in the very front
rowduring the graduation he got up to the podiumhe was the class president so he
got to make a speechhe got up to the podium and he opened his mouth and do you
know what he said?
MAX
Go Wildcats or whatever?
BETH
He said, right there in front of everybody, he said, Before I begin, I need to ask
someone one quick question. Elizabeth Mariana Costro, will you marry me?
MAX
(genuinely impressed this time)
Wow.
BETH
(sighing)
And I walked up there in a daze and he got on his knee and he opened a little velvet
box and wouldnt you believe it, inside was the most beautiful diamond ring Id ever
seen in my entire life. And I said yes and we kissed and everybody in the entire stadium
cheered just for us.
MAX
Thats soI dont know.
BETH
Hes like that. And I nearly didnt go, can you believe it? That day I couldnt get anyone
to cover my shift. But Dusty just would not have it. Some things are more important
than a stupid job, Beth, he said, and thank God I listened. I would have missed out on
the greatest moment of my life. That very day he had me call my manager and quit.
Silence.

26

MAX
(unable to stop herself, clicking her light on, leaning over to see Beth)
That doesnt bother you?
BETH
Getting engaged?
MAX
No, the wholeexpectation. Leaving your career behind to be a housewife.
BETH
Oh. No. That doesnt bother me at all.
MAX
Retail can be pretty boring I guess.
BETH
I liked it. Helping customers find what theyre looking for. Its fun. Rewarding, you know?
Helping people like that?
But when God calls us to serve we have to answer the call.
MAX
(flopping back on the bed)
The Call.
BETH
God loves us. And because He loves us, He calls us. And when He calls us, all we have
to do is answer, and He saves us.
MAX
Yes, all of that.
I leave for a week and I get back and my whole fucking life has changed.
Sorry.
Um.
Silence.
I travelled a lot during the week. Paul started going to Wednesday night Bible study. At
some womans house.
Max seems about to continue, but doesnt, cant. A long pause.

27

BETH
It must be difficult.
Silence.
And yetin spite of how difficult it ishere you are.
You must love Paul very much.
MAX
Mm.
BETH
Youre a good wife, Max.
MAX
Thanks. Thats. Thats nice to hear.
My friends think I lost my mind. My parents. My colleagues. The whole world.
BETH
They think youre wasting your talent.
MAX
Yeah.
BETH
That you ought to think of yourself first.
MAX
Exactly.
BETH
(shaking her head at the absurdity of the thought)
That men and women can do exactly the same things.
MAX
Well
BETH
But theyre wrong. A man cant have a baby, can he?
MAX
No, thats true.

28
BETH
You cant build a house, can you?
MAX
Well, no, not personally, but there are plenty of men who cant
BETH
There are certain things that men were designed to do, and certain things that women
were designed to do. Those things complement each other. Thats the whole point of
marriagewere built for companionship. Men have the responsibility to lead and
provide for his family, and women have the responsibility to quietly submit to his
leadership. To serve as their husbands helpers and bring the next generation into the
world. Its set up exactly like your old company, where everyone has their own job to do.
A division of labor is just more efficient.
MAX
Dont you want to be treated equally?
BETH
Sure. Equal, but different.
Max doesnt respond.
BETH
So you think a persons job determines their value.
MAX
Thats not what Im
BETH
You think garbage men matter less than doctors.
MAX
No, but
BETH
How about me, am I below you because I was a salesgirl and you were an executive?
Im really asking.
MAX
Okay. Um.
Lots of people can throw trash in a garbage truck. But not that many people can perform
a heart transplant. Right?

29
BETH
Well, thats true. Not everyone can afford medical school.
So. What. Your value is tied to your wealth?
MAX
You know thats not what I meant. Even if it was free, there would still be fewer doctors
than garbage men. Its harder. It just is.
BETH
So its intelligence. A smart person matters more than someone with a mental disability.
MAX
Nobut
BETH
You think a woman is worthless unless she holds a position of earthly power?
Pause. Max doesnt answer.
Its Gods will for us to be right here, in the home. This is our work. Its difficult. It
matters. It has value. So dont worry what other people think. Theres only one person
whose opinion you should care about. And He thinks youre doing a great job.
MAX
Thanks, Beth.
Look. I dont know if I agree with you
BETH
Yet.
MAX
But.
Its nice to finally talk to someone who doesnt think Im crazy for trying this.
BETH
You arent.
MAX
You know, youre pretty good at pep talks. Maybe if the whole housewife thing doesnt
work out, you could be a therapist. Hey, or a pastor.
BETH
Women cant be pastors.

30
MAX
Why not?
BETH
It says so in the Bible.
MAX
(sighing)
Of course it does.
Pause. Beth clicks off her light.
BETH
We should get some rest. We got a lot to do tomorrow.
MAX
Yeah.
Max clicks off her light.
They roll over, try to fall asleep. After some time:
BETH
Max. You still awake?
MAX
Yeah.
BETH
Can I ask youa personal question? You dont have to answer if you dont want to.
MAX
Uh, sure.
BETH
Did youyou know. With Paul. Before you were married?
MAX
...uh
BETH
Because Dusty and I did. A couple times. After we were engaged of course. I mean, he
said if were engaged its not wrong, and Im sure hes rightbutI dont want to have a
baby. Before, you know, were really married.

31
MAX
Uh huh
BETH
Part of why I took this Hostess job was to make it harder for us toyou know.
MAX
You cant just tell him no?
BETH
Hes my husband. Or he will be.
MAX
Right.
BETH
And hes not the type of man you can justsay no to.
MAX
Oh. Okay
BETH
Im umI was wonderingyouve been married for a while, and you dont have any
kids, soyou probably use some kind of...
MAX
Birth control?
BETH
Yeah.
MAX
Im on the pill.
BETH
The pill.
Pause.
BETH
Do you think I could borrow some?
MAX
Borrow it?

32
BETH
Yeah.
MAX
You can get it for free at Planned Parenthood, you know.
BETH
I cant go there!
MAX
Your doctor, then.
BETH
The thing is, Dusty doesnt believe in birth control. He says that God will give us
children when the time is right, and not before.
MAX
Thats insane.
BETH
No. Its faith. And I have faith too.
MAX
Okay
BETH
But just for the next few monthsId like some insurance. To go with the faith.
I just dont want to be pregnant on my wedding day.
Pause.
MAX
Okay.
BETH
Really?
MAX
Yeah. Take it. Its not like I need it these days anyway.
BETH
Thank you so much, Max. Really.
MAX
Youre welcome.

33

BETH
Andyou wont tell anybody, right? Because if Dusty finds out
MAX
Of course I wont. Dont worry.
BETH
Thanks.
Silence as they begin to drift off.
BETH
(drowsily)
Im really glad were roommates, Max.
SCENE 5
Early the following morning. Max enters the living room in her pajamas. She holds her
hand gingerly. Beth is fully dressed and cleaning the windows, spraying Windex onto
them from a good distance and wiping in broad sweeps.
MAX
Hey.
BETH
Morning, sleepyhead.
MAX
Yeah. Hey, do we have a first aid kit somewhere?
Beth shrugs. Max starts looking around.
BETH
You okay?
MAX
Yeah, I just have this annoying thing.
BETH
I can go look.
MAX
No, no. Its fine.

34
BETH
Sure? A stitch in time
MAX
what?
BETH
Saves nine.
MAX
Nine what?
BETH
Stitches.
MAX
Oh. I dont think Ill need stitches.
After a moment, Beth smiles and goes back to cleaning. Max watches.
MAX
Want some help?
Max picks up a bottle of Windex. She cant figure out the nozzle. Beth notices.
BETH
Turn the tip of the nozzle to on.
MAX
Like this?
Max starts unscrewing the top.
BETH
No
Beth turns the nozzle for her.
MAX
Ah. Right. Its one of those.
Beth goes back to her window, Max sprays her window too closely, the Windex starts
running down the window and puddling on the sill. Terri enters.
BETH
Is this the first time youve done this?

35

TERRI
That windowsill is cedar, Maxine. Please control the drips?
MAX
Oh! HiSorry, yes. Got it.
She stuffs paper towels along the bottom of the window, trying to soak up excess
Windex. She inhales sharply and pulls her hand back from the windowsill. She looks at
her wound.
TERRI
How are we doing?
BETH
Fine, Miss Terri.
MAX
Fine.
TERRI
Having a little trouble with the Windex, Maxine?
MAX
No, no, its just adifferent brand. Than Im used to.
TERRI
Oh, I see. Because as you well know, the Hostess position is intended for women who
have the life experience necessary to maintain the standard of living that the younger
girls should aspire to. And you made it very clear to us that you had that experience.
For a moment there just now I thought perhaps you werent being entirely honest with
us.
But I know how disorienting it can be, switching brands.
Forgive me.
MAX
dont worry about it.
TERRI
(looking at Maxs hand, full of concern)
What happened?

36
MAX
Oh, its nothing. Just a little cut.
TERRI
Youll wanna tend to that or itll get infected.
MAX
Its fine.
TERRI
A stitch in time
Beth nods. Max looks blank. Terri eyes Max.
TERRI
Let me see it.
Terri grabs Maxs wrist and examines the cut. She pulls a bottle of hand sanitizer out of
her purse and squirts some onto Maxs cut.
MAX
OW!!
Terri holds Maxs hand in place and rubs the hand sanitizer into the cut with a paper
towel. Max gasps in pain. Finally, Terri releases Maxs hand.
TERRI
That should do it.
Well.
Ill let you two get back to it then.
Terri turns to go, turns back. Max examines her cut.
TERRI
Maxine
MAX
Yeah?
TERRI
In the future, please take the time to dress yourself before embarking on your day. This
is not a bordello.
MAX
okay.

37
TERRI
Thank you.
Terri exits.
Max turns back to the window, not looking at Beth.
BETH
What was that about?
MAX
I may have stretched the truth a little. To get this job.
BETH
You lied?
MAX
I embellished.
I watched the maid service a couple times on days when I worked from home. Its not
like I have no idea what Im
Everybody pads their resume, Beth.
BETH
I dont.
MAX
You would if you ever had to write one.
BETH
I would not.
MAX
This from the girl whos sneaking birth control behind her fiancs back?
Silence.
BETH
You should hold the bottle farther from the window. That way it wont drip.
They go back to cleaning. Max is doing a little better thanks to Beths tip.
Max sees something out the window.

38
MAX
Is that a guy?
BETH
What?
MAX
There. Look, over there, between those bushes.
BETH
I dont see anything.
MAX
He just moved, hes, hes gone, but that was definitely a guy staring in at us.
BETH
I dont think so.
MAX
I swear to God, Beth, I definitely saw some guy out there. And now hes disappeared?
As soon as he saw me see him?
BETH
Hes probably just curious about the construction or something.
MAX
He had binoculars.
BETH
Bird watching?
MAX
Beth, we sleep in here alone in this huge house.
BETH
Its a seminary.
MAX
So?
BETH
All the men are men of God. Theyre trustworthy.
MAX
(pulling out her phone)
Im calling Public Safety.

39

BETH
No, you really dont have to do that
MAX
Nobodys trustworthy, Beth.
Max dials. Beth takes the phone and ends the call.
MAX
What the hell?
BETH
Its Dusty. Okay? Its just Dusty. Wehe
(An idea)
He likes to keep an eye on me. Keep me safe. When he has time. Isnt thatisnt that
sweet?
Silence.
MAX
Thatsweird.
BETH
No, hes just very protective. Were getting married. Hes just trying to be a good fianc.
MAX
Im married. You dont see my husband poking his head in here every few minutes to
check on my well-being.
Paul appears at the door.
PAUL
Hey.
Max spins around, shocked.
MAX
What are you doing here?
PAUL
Thought Id stop by. For my tour.

40
MAX
I dont have time right now.
PAUL
Okay. I can still make morning prayers if I head over to chapel now anyway.
MAX
Did you get the keys made?
PAUL
Not yet.
MAX
Maybe you can do that now. Instead of morning prayers.
PAUL
(looking past her to Beth)
Hi, Im Paul.
BETH
Nice to meet you. Beth.
PAUL
Nice to meet you, Beth.
BETH
Nice to meet you.
PAUL
(with a charming smile)
You said that already.
BETH
(blushing)
I guess I did, didnt I?
Terri reenters, sees Paul, plasters an enormous grin across her face, slows her gait, tilts
her head.
TERRI
I thought I heard the deep baritone of a man in here but I had to come see for myself.
Terri Patterson. Dean of Womens Programs and Head of the Homemaking House.
Founder and former Headmistress of the Terri Patterson Finishing School out in Dallas,
you may have seen my ads on the TV.

41
PAUL
(shaking her extended hand)
Its a pleasure to meet you, maam. Im Paul.
Maxs husband.
TERRI
Oh, youre Maxines husband! Well well well! Maxine, you never told us how handsome
your husband was.
PAUL
No?
MAX
It didnt come up.
TERRI
Paul, dear, I would just love to show you around the Homemaking House, if you have
any interest.
PAUL
Thats why I came by, actually.
TERRI
No! Arent you just a peach! Maxine is a lucky woman, isnt she!
(Finally releasing Pauls handlongest handshake ever.)
Beth, whens your fianc dropping by?
BETH
Oh, hes prettyuninterested in all this womanly stuff.
TERRI
Thank God for men like Paul here. You really are the whole package, arent you, Paul?
PAUL
Oh, no. Max has always been my better half. Except when it comes to cooking,
cleaning, laundry
TERRI
(laughing uproariously, slapping him lightly on the arm)
Stop it!
MAX
Yes. Stop it.

42
PAUL
Come on, its good to laugh at yourself once in a while.
MAX
I dont think that extends to you laughing at me.
TERRI
You two are just the sweetest thing. I always used to tell my girls in my finishing school,
I told them Girls, make friends with married couples. That is exactly what I told them,
verbatim, honest to Betsy, you can look it up in my book, Life Lessons from the Terri
Patterson Finishing School in Dallas, Chapter 4, Structuring a Godly Social Life. You
learn so much by watching people do it right, dont you think?
PAUL
Oh, definitely. My parents have been married for 45
TERRI
(suddenly struck by inspiration)
Do you.
Know.
What. I just had the most fantastic idea in all the world! We should do a big luncheon for
Welcome Day tomorrow! Paul, youll be there, and Beth will bring her fianc too. That
way the new girls can see real homemakers in action, right from the start.
BETH
I dont know

MAX
Tomorrow?

PAUL
Great idea!

TERRI
(only hearing Paul)
Its settled then. Now. Enough chit chat for one morning, we have a lot of work to do if
this place is gonna be ready by tomorrow. Paul, you shoo.
PAUL
Im available, if you need a hand
TERRI
Have I died and gone to heaven? Are you an angel of the Lord?? I would love a hand.
Come to think of it, bring em both. I hear IKEAs a madhouse this time of day, and I
could use a nice big strong pair of arms.
PAUL
Happy to help.
TERRI
You are so good!

43
Ladies, since Im going to be tied up with errands all day Ill need you two to make sure
all the floors have been cleaned and polished, and that the bookshelves are dusted out
before you shelve all the books. Finish the windows while youre at it, both floors and
the ground level ones in the basement. I dont care if its a place nobody sees, dirt is dirt
and there is no dirt in the Homemaking House unless its in a planter with some
geraniums poking out the top. Im also gonna need you to wash all those new dishes I
bought. The linens too. You dont know who was touching them at the factory. As for the
luncheon, make sure you get me a shopping list just as soon as youve planned the
menu.
MAX
Wait, were supposed to do the luncheon?
TERRI
Do it?
MAX
You know. I mean, like, cook it?
A pause. Terri suddenly bursts out laughing.
TERRI
You girls and your jokes! I swear, youll take five years off my life by the time you
graduate.
Good? Everybody good? Good! Paul, youre coming with me, sweetheart.
Terri takes Pauls wrist and leads him out of the room. He glances back at Max just
before getting tugged out the door.
SCENE 6
The Homemaking House. Beth piles an armful of freshly dried linens on some surface.
She begins to iron and fold them into a neat stack.
Max enters, invisible to Beth. She is in a different part of the house, though both spaces
overlap. Max holds a broom and surveys the Homemaking House. She starts sweeping
rather haphazardly. She works in silence for a while, then realizes she needs to get
under the furniture. She pulls some furniture away from its place and sweeps
underneath. Then she realizes she has walked through the dirt and tracked footprints
across the clean area she already finished sweeping.
MAX
I hate this.

44
Max goes back to the beginning and starts over.
Terri enters, invisible to Max and Beth. She is in IKEA, an overlapping world. Terri marks
down notes on a small slip of paper with a tiny pencil.
Paul enters the IKEA space with a few boxes in a yellow bag.
PAUL
Lamps.
TERRI
I do not know what Id have done without you today, Paul, I truly do not. Thank you so
much.
PAUL
Its no problem.
TERRI
Bless. What do you think of this?
Paul and Terri contemplate one of the pieces of furniture onstage for a long moment.
PAUL
I like it.
TERRI
Well then I like it too!
Terri marks down a code on her paper. Max moves the furniture they were
contemplating and sweeps their footprints up as they move away, with increasing
irritation as she discovers every new footprint.
TERRI
Now next on my list is chairs for the Brenda and Steven Hollywell Memorial Sewing
Room, which should be over here somewhere. And on the way, you can tell me a little
bit about Maxines relationship with the Lord.
PAUL
with
TERRI
The Lord. Maxines relationship with Him. Whats going on there.
PAUL
I think she explained it in her application pretty well.

45
TERRI
I consider myself a very spiritual person blah blah blah? Come on now, you know that
sorta thing dont fly down here.
Terri is examining some chairs. She writes down some codes.
PAUL
I can promise you she meant every word.
TERRI
Dont bear false witness, Paul. Hes always watching. Even in IKEA.
PAUL
I dont know what to tell you.
Look, why did you make her a Hostess if you didnt like her application?
TERRI
Because of you, sweetheart. How on Gods green earth are you going to answer the call
without your wifes help? Do you know how much it takes to minister to a congregation?
You think youre gonna have the time or the energy to come home after a day of
hospital visits, baptisms, couples counseling, prayer vigils, weddings, youth group
meetings, sermons, and administrative duties and have time to clean the house, cook
dinner, and bake brownies for the Ladies Prayer Shawl Auxiliary before you write your
sermon for next Sunday?
You will not. Thats why you have a wife.
PAUL
Right.
TERRI
Tell me about your walk with Jesus.
PAUL
Its not pretty.
TERRI
Are you a convert?
PAUL
Sort of. Born again. I was raised Lutheran.
TERRI
Missouri Synod?

46
PAUL
ELCA.
TERRI
(a knowing nod, this explains everything)
You never felt Jesus in the room.
PAUL
Yeah, everything felt kind of distant. God stayed up in heaven and we stayed down here
on the ground. You dont even really have to go to church, because as long as youre
baptized youre forgiven for everything anyway.
TERRI
Christianity Light.
PAUL
Yeah. And about a year ago I started going to a Bible study group, just a casual, nondenominational thing at someones house. It was the first time Id actually really read the
Bible, you know? Really read it.
TERRI
Thats wonderful.
PAUL
It changed my life.
TERRI
So you heard the call to ministry and came down here.
PAUL
No. Notnot right away. Things were fine, I had my normal life with Max still, I had my
life with God on the side, it wasit was great, actually. I thought Id figured everything
out. But looking back, it was still just Christianity Light. I held God at a distance for my
own convenience.
TERRI
And now?
PAUL
Gods a lot closer.
TERRI
How do you know?
PAUL
I got punished. Im still being punished.

47

Max has finished sweeping. She sweeps up the dust with a dustpan and takes it
offstage. She returns with a mop and a bucket. She starts moving all the furniture so
she can mop the whole floor.
TERRI
In what way is God punishing you, Paul?
PAUL
I dont
.
TERRI
Thats all right.
You know, I could come here every day, I honestly could. All these rooms set up like the
cleanest, most organized people in the world live in them, but they just stepped out for a
moment. No smudges, no clutter left behind. No trace of themselves.
And the prices! My Lord, that table is only one hundred and twenty five dollars and it
comes with four chairs! These Europeans really know their way around a bargain.
Terri writes the product code on her notepad.
PAUL
Someone I loved got hurt.
TERRI
Maxine?
PAUL
no.
TERRI
Sounds like thats the persons getting punished.
PAUL
No.
I did something wrong. And God took awaysomeone who meant a lot to me. God hurt
this person because of me.
I changed everything, I had to, in order to...
Im trying.
Beth has finished folding. The linens form a neat stack in front of her. She looks at it.
Rests her hands on top of it. Gazes out at an imagined congregation. Takes a breath.

48

TERRI
To do what?
To save your marriage?
To save her?
PAUL
How do you know its a her?
TERRI
Educated guess.
PAUL
Yeah. Well. Yeah.
She shouldnt have to suffer for what I did wrong. So nownow Im making things right.
Beth clears her throat.
BETH
Hium
Brothers and sisters
Brothers and sistersin Christ
Beth looks around, making sure nobodys in earshot. She turns forward again.
BETH
(warming up into a real revivalist spirit as she goes)
Good morning, my brothers and sisters in Christ. Today I want to talk to you about men.
Modern men. The emasculation of the modern man. How he no longer feels he has the
permission or even the ability to be a man, the kind of man that God wants him to be. A
leader. A guide. An example to his children and a shepherd to his wife. Because without
true men, real men, how can we build the kind of marriage that we read about in
Ephesians?
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife
as Christ is the head of the church."
You hear that? Its your job to make the hard choices. Its your job to provide. Its your
job to lead your wife and your family with a steady hand, not to piss and moan and say
oh, Im not ready for commitment, oh, but I love you, oh, but were too young, oh, cant
we just go backpacking through Thailand and have a good time? NO!
Get a real job. Stop wearing jewelry. Start making decisions. Put your foot down and
man up, goddammit!

49

In Jesus name, Amen.

Beth steps back from the makeshift pulpit and shivers.
Max mops the floor. She is making progress.
Beth turns away from the linens. Terri and Paul arrive at the linens and load up their
bags.
TERRI
The admissions office sent me your application, you know. And I was struck by your
guiding verse.
PAUL
It is to peace that God has called you.
TERRI
Lovely.
PAUL
Yes.
TERRI
It inspired me to return to Pauls first letter to the Corinthians.
PAUL
Its a good one.
TERRI
Do you recall what Paul wrote before his call to peace?
PAUL
We got everything?
TERRI
The unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is
made holy through her husband. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so; in
such a case the brother or sister is not bound. It is to peace that God has called you.
Silence.
PAUL
We should get back.

50

TERRI
What exactly are you hoping for, Paul?
PAUL
Im gonna get in line.
TERRI
God knows your true heart.
Paul looks at Terri. He turns and exits.
Max has hit a spot of dirt that wont budge. She scrubs and scrubs at it. The mop head
is all to one side. She scratches the floor.
MAX
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
Beth enters.
BETH
You know I can hear you, right?
She sees the scratch.
BETH
Oh my goshDid you just scratch the floor?
MAX
It was an accident!
BETH
Miss Terris gonna kill you!
MAX
Ill call the contractor.
BETH
The contractor?? Shes gonna be back any minute!
MAX
Maybe I can put a chair on top of it.
Max does. They look at it. It looks bizarre.

51
MAX
Fuck.
BETH
Max!
MAX
Sorry. Sorry. Im just.
Im just so fucking bad at this. Sorry.
BETH
No.
MAX
Yes. I am. I am. What am I doing here?
BETH
No!
MAX
I cant do this!
BETH
Of course you can! Look at this place, it looks great! Dont you feel accomplished?
Max points at the scratch.
BETH
So you made one mistake. Youre learning! We can fix it.
MAX
Im sorry. I cant be here.
BETH
Youre just gonna give up? Just like that?
Max exits. Beth looks down at the scratch.
SCENE 7
Beth is sanding the scratches out of the floor.
Paul enters. Beth looks up, alarmed. She puts her hand on her heart.

52
BETH
Oh. I thought you were Miss Terri.
PAUL
No, sorry. She had a meeting with the First Lady.
BETH
Good. That should take a while.
Beth looks back down at her work. Paul notices the scratch.
PAUL
How did that happen?
BETH
Max wasnt paying attention, I guess.
PAUL
Max did that?
BETH
Mopping.
PAUL
Im surprised it took her this long.
BETH
What do you mean?
PAUL
Come on. Youve seen her.
BETH

PAUL
I dont think she can fold a sheet.
BETH
A fitted sheet?
PAUL
A flat sheet.
BETH
Shes not that bad.

53

Paul raises his eyebrows.

BETH
Shes a fast learner.
Were you looking for her?
PAUL
Sort of. Yeah, I guess. I thought shed be here.
BETH
You wanna wait?
PAUL
Well
BETH
Oh my gosh, Im so sorry, I should have offered you something to drink.
PAUL
Thats okay.
BETH
No, no, let me get you something. Lemonade? Cookies?
PAUL
Im fine, really.
BETH
Its so hot. Youve been running around all day, helping us out. Let me get you a
lemonade.
Beth pulls out a chair for him. He hesitates, then sits.
PAUL
All right.
Beth hustles offstage to the kitchen. Paul leans forward and examines the scratch. Beth
reenters with a glass of lemonade. She hands it to Paul.
PAUL
Thank you.
BETH
You are so welcome.

54
Paul sips the lemonade. Beth stands there, waiting. He smiles appreciatively. She
relaxes. Silence.
PAUL
So. Sandpaper.
BETH
Yeah. Im sanding out the scratches and then Ill varnish over it again. Put it on thin
enough and you can barely tell.
PAUL
I wish my dad had taught me more of that stuff. He can fix anything.
BETH
I never knew my dad.
PAUL
Oh. Thats too bad.
BETH
Thats why Im here. Not for the practical stuff, the sewing or the cooking. I know all that.
But to learn what a marriage is. A true, Biblical marriage with a person, not a memory.
What Im supposed to do, what hes supposed to do, how it all fits together. Like God
intended.
Beth plays with her engagement ring.
Im engaged.
PAUL
Congratulations.
BETH
Thanks. Hes going to be a pastor. Just like you.
PAUL
Thats great.
BETH
I want to make Dusty happy.
PAUL
You will. If you want to, you will.
BETH
Does Max make you happy?

55

PAUL
Weve been together so long. We met when we werewell, basically your age.
Silence.
PAUL
I couldnt believe how happy I was. When we got married. Everyone was there, all our
family and friends. It was in our backyard. We had this great place with a backyard, she
had just gotten this amazing job. She looked incredible. Walking down the aisle. People
kept saying how lucky I was.
I think about that all the time. Youre so lucky to have her! Youre so lucky! Youre so
lucky!
Silence.
PAUL
I should probably bring in the furniture. Its just out there on the lawn.
BETH
Shes different now, you know. I can tell. She talks to me. Even if things werent good
before, shes really trying to make you happy now.
PAUL
Its not that simple.
BETH
Shes your wife. Shes your partner, your helper. You protect her and she helps you do
Gods work, like youre one person. You are one person. Thats marriage. Thats exactly
how simple it is.
PAUL
I know youre trying to help, but you have no idea what youre talking about.
BETH
Shes trying, Paul. Shes trying so hard. She looks to you for approval, for guidance, and
what are you giving her in return? Doubt. Distrust. She deserves better from you.
People dont change their lives to prove a point.
PAUL
Thanks for the lemonade.
Paul turns to go.

56
BETH
Paul?
PAUL
What.

BETH
Pray with me?
Beth walks over to Paul. She takes his hands. She closes her eyes. He closes his.
Silence.
Max enters and stops dead in her tracks. She looks at Paul and Beth, holding hands.
BETH
Dear Heavenly Father,
We pray for courage. We pray for courage because we know all the work we have to do,
all the hurts we have to heal, and all the sins we have to forgive and be forgiven for. And
we cant do it without You.
May we see Your guiding hand in every kindness we have wrought, in every joy that
kindness brought, to see through the cloudy simplicity of our mortal world that dulls Your
brightness unless we truly seek to find it.
May we remember always that it is You who does everything good we ever do, You who
calls us to love and to keep our promises to those we love, and You, above all, in whose
name we pray. In Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen.
Max turns and quietly exits.
PAUL
Amen.
Beth opens her eyes and sees Paul.
PAUL
That was beautiful, Beth.
Beth lets go of his hands.
BETH
I got it off the internet.

57
PAUL
Really?
BETH
Yes.
Beth picks the sandpaper up off the floor and fiddles with it.
PAUL
Well youll have to send me the link.
You okay?
BETH
I should have let you lead the prayer. Im sorry.
PAUL
Sorry? Really, it was beautiful. Youre a natural.
BETH
No. Im not. Look. This isnt how its supposed to go, youre supposed to lead the prayer,
you, the man, are supposed to guide me, the woman.
PAUL
But
BETH
Its in the Bible, Paul. You should have been the one to suggest the prayer. And once I
did, you should have been the one to say it. This is why your marriage is failing. Its not
Max, its you.
Now get out. I have to finish this before Miss Terri gets back.
Beth starts sanding the floor again. Paul slowly turns to go.
BETH
You are pathetic. Youre just going to let me order you around like that? Me?? No
wonder Max can walk all over you!
Paul stands there. Beth stares at him, waiting for something.
BETH
(under her breath, storming out)
Unfuckingbelievable.
Paul is left, stranded.

58

SCENE 8
Paul walks out the door and into the perimeter of the space.
He thinks.
He takes out his cell phone.
He dials. He sits with the phone to his ear and his head in his hand for a long time
before the beep finally comes. He paces the space during his monologue.
In an overlapping world, underneath Pauls monologue, Max enters Pauls apartment,
wearing a new dress. She looks around. She sets her purse down.
She goes into the kitchen and brings out the plant. Its withered and yellow. She sets it
on the table. She touches its brittle spikes, gently. One of them snaps off in her hand.
Max pulls a water bottle out of her purse and waters the plant.
She looks around the apartment. Exits to the kitchen.
PAUL
I keep leaving these, even though I know you arent getting them. Things are just
pretty confusing and
I guess I keep hoping you will, one day. Get them, I mean. Youll listen to a torrent of
melodramatic ravings and smile and shake your head and keep hitting delete, delete,
delete. Youll delete all of this. Then youll call me back. Tell me youre okay.
Or maybe one day Ill call to leave one of these things, when things are really bad, and
Ill be settling in for the ringing and your voice on your outgoing message. Ill be
multitasking. Brushing my teeth, maybe. Because Im so used to getting your voicemail.
But this time after only a ring or two youll pick up and say,
Hi there.
And my mouth will be full of toothpaste and my heart and Ill stand there drooling,
staring into the mirror long enough for you to try again,
Hello?
and thats when Ill know Im not hallucinating. That were both back in the same world
again.

59
This isnt good, though. Leaving these. Calling. Hoping youll answer. If I keep doing
this, I havent truly repented, and if I havent truly repented, God wont stop punishing
me. And you. If that really is what is happening. It doesnt seem as clear as it used to,
anymore. But I hope you know, thats why Im not there by your side right now. Why I
cant be. Its to help you. To try. And Im sorry I havent done it yet, havent fullyits
hard to repent when I dont regret it. You. Im weak. Im sorry.
He hangs up.
SCENE 9

Pauls apartment. Time passes. Max enters with an armful of clean laundry. She dumps
it on the table and starts to fold it.
Pauls keys in the lock. He enters, sees her, stops.
PAUL
Hey.
MAX
How was your day?
PAUL
Are you doing my laundry?
MAX
Yeah, I thought
PAUL
How did you get in.
Pause.
MAX
I called Public Safety. Told them I was your wife. That means something to some
people, you know.
PAUL
Wow. Great. Thanks.
MAX
I was joking. Jesus. Lighten up.
Silence. Paul turns away. Puts his keys down or something.

60
MAX
You know whatI wasnt joking. I was being mean. And then I pretended I was joking
so youd seem overly sensitive. And thats shitty of me.
So. Im sorry. About that.
Max waits. Paul stays. She goes back to folding.
PAUL
You didnt have to do my laundry.
MAX
I know.
PAUL
Well. Thanks.
MAX
And you dont have to do that.
PAUL
What?
MAX
Thank me.
PAUL
is everything okay?
MAX
Yeah, why?
PAUL
youre doing laundry.
MAX
Beth taught me.
PAUL
So
Everythings okay.
MAX
Everything is fine, Paul. Everything is absolutely fine. Dont you want everything to be
fine?

61
PAUL
Of course I do.
MAX
Well there you go, you get what you want. It is.
PAUL
Great.
Great.
Max folds a dress shirt. Paul winces. He comes closer to Max.
PAUL
Max
Max looks up, a little hopeful. She moves closer to Paul.
MAX
Yeah?
PAUL
I usually hang my dress shirts. Rather thanrather than folding them. They getyou
know, kind ofthey wrinkle. If you fold them.
Max looks at the shirt in her hands. Makes a herculean effort not to cry.
PAUL
Hey. Hey. Its not a problem, though, I can justI can just iron them before I wear them.
You know, thats probably better, actually, that way theyre really and truly crisp when I
put them on.
Max unfolds the shirt. Smoothes it.
PAUL
I can do my own laundry, Max. Really. You dont have to
Max puts the shirt on a hanger. Paul is stunned.
Max goes through the laundry and puts all the dress shirts on hangers.
Max exits with the shirts.
Paul notices the plant on the table.
PAUL
Shoot. Hey. Sorry, I totally forgot about watering this thing.

62

MAX
(offstage, suddenly sounding much more upbeat)
Dont worry about it. Itll bounce back.
You hungry?
PAUL
(wary, but hungry)
kind of.
MAX
(offstage)
Theres dinner on the stove.
PAUL
Wheres it from?
MAX
(offstage)
I made it. Mac and cheese.
(reentering, holding a couple spare hangers)
I actually tried to make chicken piccata? Did not go well. Threw it out. Thank god for
boxed food, right?

Paul moves closer to Max. He gently puts his hand on the hangers. They stand there for
a moment, holding the ends of the hangers.
PAUL
Thanks.
MAX
Its just a box.
PAUL
I know.
MAX
Probably tastes like a box.
Paul shakes his head and smiles. He pulls her a little closer with the hangers.
MAX
Probably full of chemicals.

63
Paul pulls her closer.
MAX
Its so orange.
Paul leans in and kisses her on the lips, softly. She stands still and straight.
MAX
Anything that orange has to be mostly chemicals. Like think about Agent Orange, you
know? That stuff would rip apart your intestines, I bet, if it was on macaroni and you ate
it. Just like rip them to shreds. Youd bleed out inside yourself and you wouldnt even
know, youd fill up, youd just be this big walking bag of blood going around like
everythings normal and then youd die.
Probably.
Anyway.
Its on the stove.
Max turns away, gets out some Windex and climbs onto a chair to clean the windows.
Paul watches her for a while.
PAUL
Have you been running?
MAX
What?
PAUL
Your legs look nice. Look like youve been running or something.
MAX
My legs are exactly the same.
Dont you have some reading to do?
PAUL
Yeah.
MAX
Wellmaybe get started on that?
PAUL
You staying over tonight?
MAX
I dont think so.

64
PAUL
Id like you to.
MAX
The girls arrive tomorrow. I have an early morning. Have to cook.
PAUL
Well then whyd you come over?
MAX
Tomorrow. Okay?
PAUL
Okay. Tomorrow.
MAX
Go eat.
PAUL
Eat with me.
MAX
Im not hungry.
Paul turns to head the kitchen, Max drops the Windex onto the ground and it spills. She
hurriedly grabs a towel and starts dabbing at the spill on her hands and knees. Paul
turns and watches her.
She scrubs. He stares. This goes on for a really long time before she notices hes still
there.
She looks up from the ground at him. They look at each other.
MAX
What.
PAUL
I love you.
Silence.
MAX
I love you too.
Silence.

65
MAX
Is that it?
PAUL
Yeah.
MAX
You dont need anything else?
PAUL
No.
Max nods. She goes back to cleaning. He watches. She lets him.
SCENE 10
Max and Beth are asleep in their bunks. Breathing.
Maxs phone rings. She sits up and fumbles around for it. Looks at it.
MAX
(to herself)
Jesus Christ
She answers in a whisper.
Whats wrong.
What do you mean, everything? Whats wrong?
Well is it everything or is it nothing?
Paul, its 2 AM, I have to get up inI am not coming over. No. Absolutely not. Good
night.
Max hangs up, turns the phone off. We hear it power down. She lies back down.
A moment of breathing, Max and Beth.
A knock at the window.
Max sits bolt upright and looks. Paul is clinging to a tree limb and peering in. (Note:
Everything is spoken quietly until indicated.)
MAX
Seriously?
Paul opens the sash.

66

PAUL
Max?
MAX
You scared the shit out of me!
PAUL
Can I come in?
MAX
No!
PAUL
What?
MAX
No!
PAUL
I cant hear you, hold on.
Paul clambers in, slipping a little.
MAX
Paul!
Paul climbs up the bunk bed ladder.
PAUL
What did you say?
MAX
I said no, you cant come in! Beths asleep!
PAUL
Oh. Well now Im already here, so
MAX
This is the Homemaking House. You cant
PAUL
I miss you.
Silence.

67
PAUL
I really miss you.
MAX
I miss you too.
They kiss.
MAX
Youre drunk.
PAUL
Im not.
MAX
Paul.
PAUL
Im loose. Its nice.
You should catch up.
Paul pulls a flask out of his pocket and tosses it on Maxs bunk.
MAX
I have to be up early.
PAUL
Come on. Its been too long. Lets get drunk and goI dont know, what the hells open
around here now?
MAX
Fucking nothing.
PAUL
Fucking nothing. Lets get drunk and go fucking nowhere and do fucking nothing.
MAX
So basically just get drunk.
PAUL
I guess. Fuck. What are we doing here?
MAX
Following your dreams?

68
PAUL
Oh yeah.
Silence. Max finally scoots over and invites Paul onto her bunk. He sits next to her. Max
takes a long swig from the flask.
PAUL
So what do you gotta do in the morning.
MAX
Cook this luncheon thing.
PAUL
Whatcha cooking?
MAX
Biscuits. Fruit salad. Those little sandwiches with the crusts cut off.
PAUL
I like this new you. All domestic and shit. Its hot.
Max laughs a little, uncomfortable. Fiddles with the flask.
PAUL
Im serious.
MAX
I know.
PAUL
Say Dinners on the table, honey.
MAX
Gross, no.
PAUL
Say it.
MAX
No!
PAUL
Say it.
MAX
Dinners on the table. Honey.

69

PAUL
Come here.
He grabs her waist and pulls her on top of him.
MAX
Beth is right there.
PAUL
Even better.
MAX
Thats disgusting!
PAUL
Why?
MAX
Why??
PAUL
Come on, Max. You gave me a blowjob on a plane. We got kicked out of an Applebees
for licking milkshakes off each others tongues. We did it in the coat check room at your
company Christmas party. Twice. Twice at the same party.
MAX
That was a long time ago.
He puts his hand up her shirt. She squirms away.
MAX
Paul, seriously.
PAUL
Shh.
He does it again.
MAX
Stop it, I mean it.
PAUL
Shell hear you!
He manages to roll on top of her. He starts to pull her pajama bottoms off.

70

MAX
Hey! Paul!
Paul tries to kiss her. She turns her face away.
MAX
Stop it!
PAUL
God, I love it when you play hard to get.
MAX
Im not playingstop!
Max pushes him away from her, roughly, a shove, almost a jab. He is stunned for a
moment, then grabs her wrists and pins them down. Hard. They stare at each other.
MAX
Are you really going to do this?
PAUL
I want you.
MAX
Me? No, you dont.
PAUL
(no longer whispering)
I am trying here, Max.
Beth stirs. Max and Paul freeze.
Long silence as they wait and listen for Beth.
She settles down. They exhale. Back to low voices.
MAX
Get off.
A long moment where nobody is sure what is going to happen.
MAX
Paul.
Get off me. Now.

71

Paul does. They sit at either end of the bunk, not looking at each other.
MAX
I tried.
And it worked.
But the person I have to be, to make you want me
Silence.
PAUL
What if thats what I need?
Pause.
MAX
Then thats fucked up.
Pause.
PAUL
Okay, so what if Im fucked up?
Pause.
MAX
II dont know.
Pause.
PAUL
Sowere ending this?
MAX
No!
PAUL
Okay, so were together, but no more sex.
MAX
Well definitely not at 2 AM with a very nice Christian girl sleeping four feet below us!
PAUL
You never used to care about stuff like that.

72
MAX
You never used to pray.
PAUL
God, Max! Were married. I shouldnt have to negotiate with you for
MAX
You really want to start talking about what being married is supposed to mean?
PAUL
The Bible says that within a marriage youre not allowed to withhold sex unless both
partners mutually agree. Pauls first letter to the Corinthians, chapter seven, verse five.
MAX
Wow. Youre a Jesus lawyer now. Amazing. Well sorry, but no.
PAUL
Then you better have a good reason.
MAX
Im on my period.
PAUL
No, you arent.
MAX
How do you know that?
PAUL
No granny panties.
MAX
Fine. Im not on the pill anymore.
PAUL
What? Why not?
MAX
I gave mine to Beth.
PAUL
What the fuck!
MAX
You havent touched me in six months.

73
Silence.
PAUL
Max, ImIm
MAX
Sorry?
Silence.
PAUL
So. What. Youre this kids pharmacist now?
MAX
Dusty doesnt want her to use it. Thinks that Jesus will magically confuse his sperm or
set up a holy force field around her eggs.
[from here to the end of the scene, both Paul and Max get louder and louder to normal/
loud volume]
PAUL
Wait a second, so you just gave her birth control, knowing that her husband doesnt
want her to be using it?
MAX
Fianc. And he seems like a really domineering asshole, anyway.
PAUL
Its not your place to get involved in someone elses relationship!
MAX
She asked me for it!
PAUL
You should have told her to ask her fianc, not you.
MAX
Are you serious?
PAUL
Thats how it works in this community, Max. The man is the head of the household. We
call the shots.
MAX
Wow. Maybe youre right. Maybe youve changed too much. Maybe I cant change

74
enough. Maybe I should have listened to everybody in the world who said youd joined
some crazy cult and that I should throw you to the fucking wolves and save myself.
PAUL
Fine by me. Ive already been saved.
MAX
You needed it.
Beth clicks her light on. Max and Paul freeze. She looks up at them. She clicks her light
off, gets out of bed, and exits the bedroom.
SCENE 11
The dining room, the next morning.
Beth enters with a stack of plates. She puts it on the table as Max enters with a pitcher
of water.
MAX
Why didnt you wake me up? People are coming any minute!

Where should I put this?

Beth doesnt look at Max and exits to the kitchen. Max places the pitcher in the middle
of the table, awkwardly close to the centerpiece. Beth reenters with glasses. She puts
them on the table, moves the pitcher to another place on the table. Starts putting the
glasses by the plates.
MAX
So
Beth exits. Max follows her.
MAX
Beth?
Theyre gone. A moment later theyre back, Beth has silverware and sets the table.
MAX
I can help with that.
Beth ignores her and keeps setting the table. Max gives up and picks up where Beth left
off with the glasses, putting them at the place settings.

75
MAX
Is this some religious game I dont know about?
Beth makes it around the table to where Max started putting the glasses out. She
adjusts the placement of each glass Max set.
MAX
If this is abouthey, Im sorry about Paul. He shouldnt have been here. I didnt invite
him over. I told him not to come over, actually. Explicitly.
Hes an idiot.
BETH
You said you wouldnt tell anybody.
MAX
About theoh, he wont say anything. Dont worry.
BETH
I thought you were going to try to be a better wife.
MAX
What?
BETH
If your husband wantsyou, you cant say no. Why do you think I need the pills?
MAX
Bethdoes Dusty force you to
Terri enters.
TERRI
Good morning, ladiesOH!
She clasps her hands together and brings them to her chin.
Would you look at that tablescape, I think Im in heaven. Well done, you two.
MAX
It was all Beth.
TERRI
(looking at her watch)
Well done, Beth, then. Now oh my goodness look at the time, how are we doing on the
food?

76

MAX
Yeah, what can I do to help?
BETH
Sandwiches are assembled, crusts are off, fruit salad is tossed, biscuits are baked, tea
is steeped, coffee is brewed
MAX
What time did you get up?
BETH
Im an early riser.
TERRI
You know what they say about the early bird, Maxine.
MAX
No, what do they say?
The doorbell rings, one of those Big Ben rings that last way too long. It has a stuttering
start, like the person ringing it is idly pressing the button over and over, so we only hear
the first tone at a strange, arrhythmic pace. Terri bustles over to the front door and
opens it. Paul enters, holding the spiky plant. Its still withered and yellow. He stands
there as the long song plays.
PAUL
Hey.
Max glares at him.
TERRI
Good morning, Paul, my dear. Lovely to see you, as always.
Paul hands Terri the plant.
TERRI
Oh my goodness, is this for me?
PAUL
Figured you might have better luck with it.
TERRI
Well I do love a project! Can we get you anything, a glass of teacup of coffee?

77
PAUL
Sure.
TERRI
What would you like?
PAUL
Whatever.
TERRI
How about a nice hot cup of coffee?
PAUL
Sure.
Terri turns to Beth. Beth exits. Terri finds a place for the plant.
TERRI
Maxine, thank you so much for lending me your husband yesterday. He was a
tremendous help.
MAX
Anytime. Really.
TERRI
Come on in, sweetheart, have a seat!
Paul follows Terri into the dining room. Max trails behind. Beth appears with coffee. Paul
sits down at the table. Beth starts going in and out of the kitchen, bringing in all the food
and the tea.
An awkward silence. Terri glances between Max and Paul. Then she smiles brightly.
TERRI
To be honest with yall, I was not convinced about IKEA as a one-stop-shop for all things
domestic but Im working under a budget here, and people just rave about IKEA this,
IKEA that, and I tell you what, I was not disappointed. Its like the Wal-Mart of furniture
and housewares! Now, Wal-Mart does carry some furniture and housewares, that is
absolutely true, and decent quality too, if you know what youre looking for, but nothing
like IKEA, no beds or cabinets or couches or anything like that. I love the little paper
measuring tape they give out, its like when I was a little girl and my daddy used to go to
the tailor to get his suits made. My daddy was a judge, and he wore robes most of the
time, well, all of the time, in court, you know, and in his chambers? But anyway, under
his robes he wore the most impeccably tailored suits, he got them made at a tailor in
town, I forget the name of the tailor, what was it now

78
Gosh, I cannot believe I forgot the name of Daddys tailor, now dont that beat all!
Then again its been years since I thought about Daddys suits; my Daddy passed away
quite some time ago, God rest his soul in Heaven. Anyway, Daddys tailor was a little old
man, looked dark, Italian, maybe, very Olde World, you understand, so my Daddy
trusted him to make quality suitsnow he was a U.S. citizen, mind you, fully
naturalized, but he still had that Olde World flair that made him so good at tailoring
quality suitsand he would always wear a white measuring tape draped around his
shoulders like a pastor, it was just the funniest thing but I suppose its European, and
walking around IKEA with my cute little paper measuring tape draped around my
shoulders brought me right back to those days, like a cute little paper time machine
shaped exactly like a measuring tape.
Silence. Terri looks at Max and Paul. She turns to Beth with a smile.
TERRI
Beth, now where is that Dusty of yours? He is coming, isnt he?
BETH
Ohhe really wanted to, but I think he had to work.
TERRI
Thats funny, he RSVPed, though.
BETH
What?
TERRI
He called the other day, looking for you. So I sent him an Evite.

BETH
You sent him an Evite?

TERRI
Have you heard of Evite, it is amazing, you can send out invitations instantly, no waiting
around for the mail! But just for the record, it is nevertheless a short cut and should only
be used in last minute situations such as this one.
BETH
Oh
TERRI
Well, never mind. I was hoping to have both of you couples here for some light
refreshments before all the girls start arriving at noon, but Im sure hell turn up for the
luncheon.

79
BETH
Yeah, maybe.
TERRI
No matter! Sit, sit, everybody sit!
The women all sit down around Paul, with a place empty. Start having tea.
Silence.
TERRI
Paul, tea?
PAUL
No. Thank you.
TERRI
Maxine, cream and sugar?
MAX
No.
Silence.
TERRI
What a beautiful day! Finally, a nice breeze to cool everybody off!
Silence.
TERRI
Whats the weather like back in New York, usually, this time of year?
MAX
Hot.
TERRI
Hotter than Texas?
MAX
No.
TERRI
No place hotter than Texas, Ill tell you that much right now.
Silence.

80
MAX
The Middle East gets hotter than Texas.
BETH
We are not talking about the Middle East.
MAX
Im just saying.
BETH
We are talking about the United States of America.
MAX
Fine, Arizona, the desert in Arizona, its hotter than Texas.
BETH
Thank you, that was a relevant contribution.
MAX
What is your problem?
PAUL
Lay off her, Max.
MAX
Shut up.
BETH
You cant talk like that to your husband!
PAUL
Thank you!
BETH
And you need to be standing up for yourself, not waiting for me to do it for you.
PAUL
Well you need to come clean with your little fianc about taking birth control. If were
swapping marriage advice.
MAX
Paul, her fianc is abusive!
BETH
What!

81
PAUL
Come on, Dustys in the Seminary. Hes going to be a pastor. Hes not abusive.
MAX
Are you listening to yourself? Its like she brainwashed you!
PAUL
(a challenge)
Who?
MAX
You know who.
PAUL
Who.
MAX
(to Terri)
Ignore him. Hes being a jerk.
PAUL
No, really, Max. Who? I want to know who you think brainwashed me.
Because it sure as hell couldnt have been you. Right? No way. Because you have to
actually see someone more than once a week to get brainwashed by them, Im pretty
sure.
MAX
That is such bullshit! I worked my ass off for you.
PAUL
For me??
MAX
Yes, for you! You got to sit around all day writing.
PAUL
I sold a book!
MAX
You got an advance. Five years ago.
PAUL
Do you know how many years it takes to write a book??

82
MAX
More than five?
PAUL
I was depressed! I was lonely! I never saw you!
MAX
I came home every fucking weekend! No matter where I was coming from or where I
was going, even if it was out of my way, I came home. Do you have any idea how
exhausting that was?? But I did it. For YOU.
PAUL
You know thats a pile of shit. You did it because you loved feeling important. You loved
telling people how busy you were. You loved going to parties and introducing me as
your house husband.
MAX
You never complained!
PAUL
How the fuck could I complain? That job paid for everything.
MAX
So now I'm supposed to apologize for supporting you??
PAUL
I didn't need a fucking benefactor, I needed a wife!
MAX
You HAD a wife, but you still FUCKED SOMEONE ELSE.
PAUL
I LOVED HER.
All that? The apartment? The weekends? That was not what I signed up for. That was
not what I needed from you. So yeah, one evening I went to Bible study. Nothing better
to do. Nobody waiting up for me at home. And you know what? You want to know what
Gods voice sounds like? It sounds like a room full of song. It sounds like a
congregation. People who are content. Happy. Caring. They cared, Max. It wasnt
secular apathy all the time, it wasnt jaded disenchantment, it was joy and it was love
and she wasnt ashamed to show it, she didnt have to veil it in kinda and couch it in a
little, she didnt sorta fall for me, she fucking fell. And I fell. We fell.
The long, stupid doorbell. Everybody waits for the entire stupid song to play.

83
TERRI
That must be Dusty!
BETH
I can let him in
TERRI
Dont be silly, youve been on your feet all morning, sweetheart!
Terri goes to the door, Beth hovers somewhere between sitting and standing, not sure
what to do.
Terri opens the door, DUSTY steps tentatively inside. Hes a small man, a little hunched,
either too round or too thin, bad hair, bad dresser, bad teeth, even. He looks all of 16,
though hes a few years older. He grows a downy mustache that looks weird because it
has never been shaved, each of the hairs has a tapered end. He has a reedy voice and
isnt good at making eye contact. He is holding a cassette tape and fiddles with it
constantly, nervously.
TERRI
(extending her hand)
You must be Dusty!
DUSTY
Uhhmyeah, Im Dustyis, ah, is Beth here?
TERRI
(realizing that he isnt going to shake her hand, putting her hand down as elegantly as
possible)
She most certainly is, right through there. Can I get you anything?
Dusty is already shumbling through to the dining room. Beth looks like she is about to
die.
DUSTY
Hey Bethie.
BETH
What are you doing here?
DUSTY
I got an Evite invitationso I knew about thebrunch-e-on or whateverumbut I
BETH
I told you, not in front of other people.

84
TERRI
Beth, dear. It is important to offer ones hospitality to every guest who enters ones
home.
Beth swallows. She makes a small gesture toward the table.
Dusty sits down in Terris chair. Everyone stares at him. He takes a sandwich. Looks
around.
Silence. Dusty finishes the sandwich. He takes huge bites. Swallows.
DUSTY
Good sandwich.
Silence. Terri gracefully walks to the unoccupied chair and sits down.
DUSTY
Uh. Yeah. Look, Bethie. I know you dont wanna see me or whatever, but Ium, I
brought you this mix tape? And I think, like, if you have some free time or something,
like, maybe you could listen to it because I think youd really beI dunno, like, into it, if
you have the time to like really listen to the lyrics.
BETH
Please dont do this here.
DUSTY
Yeah, I know, I know, its just that I got the, the invitation, and I sent back my RSVP
reservation and I havent seen you in like a really really long time and I think you need
to listen to this mix tape so you understand what Im feeling and like where Im coming
from.
BETH
Dusty, just leave. Right now. We will discuss this some other time.
DUSTY
Fine, okay, but would you justat least take the mix tape? Please? Here, itshold on,
its kinda sweaty, I didnt have a case and my handsyou know how sweaty I get, um,
hold on
He wipes the cassette on his jeans and holds it out to Beth.
Okay, so yeah, like really listen to the lyrics when you listen to it, okay?
Beth takes the tape like its a bomb. Stashes it under her napkin.

85
BETH
Okay, so I have the tape. Go.
DUSTY
I want to get back together. Is what the lyrics secretly tell you. When you listen really
closely.
BETH
Dusty, I swear to God
DUSTY
I know, Im sorry, Im going, but I, um, just in case you didnt like get a chance to listen to
it soon I wanted to tell you what it says, just becauseyou knowI know how busy you
are and like I want to be sure you didnt like lose the tape before you listened to it and
got the message, becauseits kind of pretty important.
The message.
Which is that I want to get back together with you.
Beth gives an exasperated scream.
BETH
You see?? You see this?? This is where feminism has gotten us, this pathetic excuse for
a man. I mean, who even has a tape player anymore?? How am I supposed to listen to
this stupid tape, Dusty, for ChristsLook at him!! He cant even control his facial hair,
let alone a wife or a family! I need someone strong, someone who wont let me stray,
because God, I want to, I want to so bad. All it takes is walking by a church and every
fiber of my being is pulled toward it. It feels like God Himself and it sounds like a Call to
Ministry but I read the Bible and I know that its not, because it cant be. Because a
woman cant be Called like that. Its pride. Its not my place.
But I cant stop myself! I preach. I lead prayers. I take away your sinful pills, that wall
you put up between you and your husband. And you! God, I do everything I can think of
to force you to stand up and take your place as a man, but no, you just sit back, play the
victim, blame everything on your wife. Well MAYBE she wouldnt push you around if you
even TRIED to be strong.
But of course it goes wrong. Of course. Yallre gonna get a divorce and itll be my fault
for notor forugh!This is why I need someone who is not you, Dusty! I need
someone whos everything you arent! I need a man! A husband! I need to marry a
pastor, not some loser kid from the bookstore because if I cant answer the call then at
least I gotta help someone else do it! I needI need
Beth covers her mouth, horrified. Everyone stares at her, speechless. She is alone.
Exposed.

86

DUSTY
That a diamond?
BETH
I got it at Claires.
Dusty looks at the ring.
DUSTY
Its nice.
Dusty takes a deep breath, wipes his sweaty hand on his jeans, starts to reach for her
hand. He pauses.
After a brief moment that feels like falling down a flight of stairs, Beth nods.
Dusty takes her hand. He leads Beth out of the room, out of the Homemaking House.
The front door closes.
A long silence.
TERRI
I do not like to withdraw invitations. It is not polite. However. I have a number of
impressionable young women due to arrive in half an hour or so, and I am not sure that
either of you is in the appropriate frame of mind to receive them.
Silence.
Paul stands.
TERRI
Thank you again for all of your help with the furniture, Paul. This place is going to look
like a real home thanks to you.
PAUL
Dont mention it.
Paul looks at Max. Waits.
PAUL
Well?
MAX
What.

87
Paul takes a new set of keys out of his pocket and tosses them gently onto the table for
Max.
PAUL
Nothing.
Paul exits the house.
Max and Terri remain at the table.
TERRI
Maxine.
MAX
Yes.
TERRI
You lied to us at your interview. About your level of experience.
MAX
I did.
TERRI
Why did you do that?
MAX
I wanted to be here.
TERRI
Really?
Because I think its fair to say that were past the point of social niceties now. You can
be straight with me.
MAX
I really wanted to be here.
Terri pushes the sandwich platter toward Max. Max takes one. So does Terri. They eat
their sandwiches in silence for a while.
MAX
Terri, if you dont mind me sayingyou seem like the kind of woman that would be
married.

88
TERRI
(laughs)
Do I.
MAX
With lots of kids.
TERRI
Theres nothing wrong with celibacy. It was good enough for Jesus.
MAX
You arent Jesus.
TERRI
No. But wouldnt that be something.
I suppose Im just a perfectionist. I likethis.
(gestures around at the Homemaking House)
I like getting everything exactly right. Im darn good at it.
But its a lot harder to get it exactly right when theres another person in your house.
MAX
You mean impossible?
TERRI
(looking at Max closely, intently)
Nothings impossible with Gods help. You dont seem to understand that, Maxine.
Silence.
Paul has been called. Hes confused, frightened, but he knows what he has to do. He
has to reach others. To repent, to mourn, to be forgiven and reborn every Sunday
before witnesses.
MAX
Lot of job openings for pastors who cheated on their wives?
TERRI
Our greatest ministers are those who have mapped the deepest corners of darkness.
How else will they find the lost?
Silence.

89
TERRI
And how about you, Maxine? Are you going to be an obstacle? Or are you going to be a
helper?
MAX
Isn't there a third option?
TERRI
There sure is. You can let him go.
Only thing you cant do is wait around deciding forever.
MAX
Shit or get off the pot.
TERRI
Well I wouldnt put it like that.
Silence. Max picks up the keys and looks at them.
MAX
I know I got carried away at work. I admit it. I do that, I set a goal and I just cant stop
going for it. Its just consulting. Its not like I had a passion for helping health insurance
companies maximize profits and eliminate waste. I just cant give up. That next
promotion, that next bonus
It wasnt like he was subtle. But I didnt even notice. It made me realizeId picked the
wrong goal. This is my life. I want to have kids someday. And its completely unfair, and
unfeminist, but what am I supposed to do, start over? I have a good husband. Good
enough. Better than most. At least Pauls had the decency to be consumed by guilt.
I am a winner. Its the way I was built. I cant back away from a fight, and I dont stop
fighting until I win. You just have to pick yourself back up and try again. Try again. Try
again.
Pause.
TERRI
Good girl.
SCENE 12
A heart monitor beeps.
Beeps.

90
Beeps.
Beeps.
Paul sits by the bed.
PAUL
Nothing about this is ideal.
It never was. In spite of how it felt...how much INothing could ever outgrow that
promise I made, sitting there on my finger, that heavy, golden ghost.
And I really thought I could win this one, you know? I really thought, if I made a good
enough offer, put enough on the table, my soul, my life, that of course she wouldnt
stand for it. That she didnt hate me enough to stand for it. Because she couldnt
possibly love me enough to stand for it. Shed see this man Ive become and hate
everything you loved in him. And then shed release me. Throw me away to live her own
life. And I could wait here, by your side, as long as it took. But. If theres one thing Im
good at being, its wrong.
Thats all. I just thought I should come and tell you in person. Maybe you can hear me.
Maybe youre screaming inside right now, crying, slapping me or throwing things against
the walls. Maybe youre calm, maybe you understand, youre always so understanding, I
never understood how you could always be so understanding. Or maybe you cant hear
anything, youre lying there in quietness, and Im running around feeling things so hard I
think my hearts gonna break just pouring my cereal in the morning.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Beeps.
Max appears in the doorway. She looks at him. He feels it but doesnt turn.
MAX
You done?
PAUL
Yeah.
Paul stands.
End of play.