teach Cn ont le har he Ch Pe sot Chie ir aoe Cg Ou Te Ra stern Disney ‘acer shar dye Ma Sige 500 spats 00 Spo sn 0 enim ‘anders ondandlngn i US. co ogni one tale maroon eros ng rs mal st ta can ne pen GS Fro erin he US ‘Scat ally taal eer Ora ache omen Sa Intent Masi we cognac tnged lp contents Steve Atwowo “The ll of Lina Gorter J 350 cunts Bactrars Like Dyan Newport (one bare Dead Fad ME / 28 ‘Serra Coane Kamlor the Astonomer J 95 Ley Cons Incognito 53 Ccarruns Honnoces Embodied / 36 Seon Anaamson Curse Tablet tthe Therma Syl 241 Anon Bate MyMetile J 22 New Country 35, Ameats Crown ant tar | 120 ‘Blind Woman Walks Barefoot in Raa (121 Loi Axe Coven ‘tration J 177 Daughter Dreaming Tornado J 8 no ne Nioxo ‘hey Are Most Home / 199 cnEmbodied In this, say one handred and twenty seventh ie, am employed ae an iteraladitoe with Wells Fargo. liven Des Moines, low, na whit three beom house. have husband named Murray, asx ‘months ag Thc a baby son named Jacob dot have hin anymore. Murtays good with kids. He teaches the Fourth grade. He’ the only anon tf at Halse Elementary apart from the gym tscher ‘nd the janitor, 0 he ges fused over ea tll he ke it i he lonely. wert the alley Currcaurn Night with Murray this pst spring, just to be suport, to look atthe projects hs stents had been workingon. They were the same ones he assigns every eae the spores ia pastel, che informational posters on native bed species, the puppets of Hariet Tubman, Matthew Henson, Martin Lather King J fr Black History Month sat up oat at Murray deskwhile he talked to the parents, telling them aout the curricula ifr te owt grace yar ad the upcoming low standardized ‘cational arament tess started showing ant made people tender with me, They offered me seats, brought me fait punch in as ‘Mr, Rankin so good withthe children” they said. “Mle mast be swe” ‘The parents were polite tn me, ht stat, to, ike was breeding something on Mucrys bel. Sil i always nice to se someone you cae for complimented ecogrized given plies of cookies and ‘Arian vicki orange plastic pos, At home ovr windowsills are ‘rowed with Afican wees, ny purple Bowers and thick azzy ‘een leaves. Ill thom deliberately. IFT di’ the whole house ‘woud ll up with them. "Isityour fis?” the pacts asked, and nodded In fact, over 127 lives Ive been pregnant something lke 200 maybe az times The number get litle hazy. But | gare new ‘what to expect Wel decided to xy fora baby and ' potten peg ‘an quickly. The Bit few weeks, we were oth excited But when ‘was sick nthe mornngs when my belly seized aroun self around the hil, could fal hat somthing wae wrong, ‘There were a few kids at Curriculum Night, even chough they werent supposed tbe there. Thee parent si they couldn find tubysters. The kids were bouncing of the wal, ul of fru punch sugar cookies, and Murray finally mde them go standout nthe ‘ul He dds let thom back in una hel parents were read tlre. ‘When he opened the door, the kids shot back, untepentant, and knocked over throe childs He plastic chr and a desk. “Yoni sine yn want ne?” Cased, anon my bly. he was ety enough chat I was tl hoping one of those dys he might just ay no and we eal eal the whole hing of ‘Ours wll be diferent" he sat, lacking his classcotn dor behind us, We heed ou othe paring ot. Weleda few block fon the schoo, but i vas ely spade weather was ues, 0 we'd taken my car “Is that wha all eachrs "Mine wil edict Mine wil be different You ay that now “Cmsure be diferent. very kid in my lass, ve wanted to pitch ‘em out the window some day o other. You have to remind yourself ‘hat you just cam doit you tell yours care about ther, ook: ing forward to having id tht I don Bave c emind myself no want to do some damage tn, "And if we end up with hello?” "Well love anyway, We won havea choice, Well be parents mati alfeton: Murray was eight about one thing: We doit have a choice. The Dear hates who hates. 1 dort have aot of experience with hated, ell, Resignation, pethaps. Reincaration is defintely Ison in socioeconomic. Ie bben aristocracy exactly two times out of ate hundred and twenty seven. The rest ofthe tie, I've beea here shoveling shit with ‘xyone else, Here In Towa, the year 2005, Lau living, objective. the est ie of my existence snot ha I'm comparing the ie of Certified Internal Auditor wih timslting evenings conversing in ‘Mme. de Std celebrated son in the Maris im comparing todying in childbieth, working Someone elses and, getting smallpox nd ype an cholera and malaria and dengue fever. A good ofc Job sn something you us throw aay. ‘Arai note, one of my tuna among the royals wasn 1396, wht [wasone of nin princes of Gora, exactly five bundsed and five yeursbelore de country was annered by Rossa. Al nine of us were named David Melnik, David the King. le got confusing. Calnelden tally Melnik sao ehe name of town in northern Bohemia, where In acorn life my fawly made wine. We had beautiful vineyards and adscort existence, and my patents were very apet wha! we ‘off tofight withthe Husstes wasnt aware of his fe wel cent, ‘wher Lorna, ftom work, went thete on vacation and showed her ‘hotes around the break room during lunch, She'd been toa church econted entirely in bones:a bone chandelier a Bone ala, bove ca elas, anda display of skulle smashed and shot thro during the Fuse wars, One skull was mine the second from the eft on the bottom sel. loked dusty. dont know what it was tt fl familar even Ive never seen my own kl hep tating at the pho tegraph, boing up the rotation, photos stacking upto my righ an Nickand Garrison, to yl, cwidling hee thas over phot of Loon ly faci his boxers on a hte akon ‘re you okay?” Locna asked nines and I passed the plture on tock. et goof the only evidene I eve Rave that that yellowed, brite bam of bone ‘sed nb me, that when the musket ball ill me wth an expose, sudden pressure, | wa «young ma named Voja who would never ‘own snejard, who would never sep with woman, who Would not rectve the rewanl he expected rom the ol he fought fo. Tartan ds say anything tern the break ron oto Loe aud dfictely at to Nick or Gatrzcn, Thaw how sounds Give me credit fora sense of self preersation, fm an at project leader in {he aie sidwester region feof the largest nancial insti tion hesdgparerd in the western US. have plans Wells Fargo. in ating for tafe o corporate headguarters in San Francisco within the next ive years Thies hoon sli sas Ft, squted up and said Ike my Q4 intel auto the personaFbanking Avision, Wee all tain Use lives out Bain ws, deageing them slong ikea dress ran or a tll ra jet plume. Im jut one of the ew ‘who see then As lives go, this on okay. Des Moines isn't nde Paris, (0 O1 Kingdom Cairo, bt ehere's enough odo, and growing up I ‘ious Falls would make about anywheve lok ike someplace woth spennga few decades. Anyery, t's not realy as confusing 3 your ink, being ee one hundced ard swenty seventh version of oursel, "remember my other lives the way {emember that I need o buy snk onthe way home frm work, ot pay the water Bil oe cll my father on his birthday Thy qui, the hackgroued, tle hash of white noise, eth ea na shel this, ve seen the se nly once a family vacation to Fords | think people fom dy places lack a certain respect foe the ocean Ive known these ailing thing. ve been 3 Fisherman, several times, Once a whaler, once a lam diggs an once alien which dove for able, When I died, el a widow and thre chile, te tid of whom did a ve ont know what it was out hi, ry son who dove fr abalone with tne and slept eros the room in ou hose by the sa, bu lilt lowe hi, ad it shard meth be knew. "Muctay" Tsai couple of week ltr Cttculm Night. He was lying onthe couch, watching the History Channel, He was lt of edcatonl shows loki for hing heean show nis carom, 1 font fve or sety minutes. We hve ples of bank tapes on tp of the television, soe can pop one in something looks promising, 1 ‘alld in Font of hin, st 0 the oc abe ‘What isthe si, dest fel ihc” Tsai "fe strange" hl my hands over ‘ny belly he swell of stil stl aud ow between my hip bones. “What do you meand” he asked, 1 sai. ft sounded spd, ke Pd seen Rosemary: aby nce tno often, but Toul think of any ater way ‘w-explanit. Ive spoken a hundred and nine diferent anguages, and "hace through al the ite and plece ould remember of them, jus ave a ein ‘uci was Uke when Ig back my mind as fa as ean: These’ cave, and lot of grunting, and had thoughts auld hin be ase didnt have the woes. Tilia have the tng, heap that "needed o pronounce words in Tagalog of Swahli,or Od Proven,‘which was quite new at the time [spoke o English 1 give Engl scan an overall sae of dic esa muh easier language to raster than we ket thik, ‘Murray opened his mouth and shut ta few ines ke «Ssh and could tell he was searching though the ane language he'd ever learned tof the ight ching to sy," Whe your sext appointment wth Dr. Lyons?” he asked tna waek "You should tll her. You should ask her shout it." Murray was frightened, telling him bachied on mee wanted so badly to ative nothing was wrong tit ade him dismisive wanted his pity and is pani, an I vanted rescue od him was ramping. told hen was poting just erifed him so badly he was desperate to stay ignorant he wanted to wait out until the next scheduled appointment, uni the ultrasound, He sa coud call ny ObGyn iF really wanted, But what would tll er That a been pregnant Tuned of times, ad this was different than ay of tern? That 1 as choking on my own bay chat was growing something in myself ould eel atthe bck of my tres, and it made meek? 111 could have told anyone, it would have been Muay, He knows shout moter lives, not all hundred a went sau them, not the nity rey decals, bu that they there, tht remember thing no fone else does and that perhaps noone should They make me tied ‘when I think abou them to long. Bone tired ike when yout to caused to sleep only when fel that way it worse bese 1 doe now if ever get sleep. if we ever get to stop, or fe ust goon focever- I dont bbive in nirvana 1 dont think we ever ge gh I dnt Fee any wiser than Teli that cave scares me hat that might mean, that there night nt be any sop tt no punishment or praise ra obo, Mursay doesn mind that dont goto charch within think he 26 ext attention frm the ladies: How sad that your wife lecpsin tm Sundays, that takes her a ep of calc and two ston uf te paper (frontpage and Arts and Lasse) tobe cv. Muay am Epis ‘pai asyay, and if did decide to tart going to church again, it wouldnt be to S. Andrews. They ust Catholics with mo pope, and dd di fr five separate fats just ten ao and tend church that exiss only because some Engh king wanted to trade ‘upon wives. In thse Tas sed a Methodit [didn't mind iat the time. As aid was jst ving the one life, only ware of having 8 years unde my belt nt 5000-0. yore counting, that rocks ‘ut tan average fe expetaney ove 127 lives, af about 40, When f think that Ta oly year short ft ight ron thes put things ln perspective The routine ulrasmnd was edad for eighteen weeks. The baby ‘quickened at severtcen and | inched every time {elt it move, just aller shive, He pickles on Ue back of your neck, except that icwas inside me aad it wa hateful to mie ad thete was no way to ‘make it stop. held thing inside mye that fl heavy ad coos, ‘hat waned desperately to be rid of, Howto say tht I was hoping fora monster? Far something lines, hoples, o damaged no oe ‘woul ask ne to carry Iwo tem, to ty tise. would have been arelieFto ind out tha ny dred was prescient, hat thd a source and solcon. Bathe was fine—two arms, wo legs, tt inger, ten toes one ead wit ae moth and one nave ad tw ees stil Fused shut. He armed outo be ae, everything where should be. Muay vas ecstatic, 0 reloved Talos thought he'd kel oversight there inthe examining sm, and waited to gto him but I as Ma on ny back, my belly vere i goo an my baby pulsing tere on the screen in lack aid white, He insisted we o out to dinner, to cleat. He oreted wine for hitnselfand thou lad a me guy. "Goad. "ou deseveit Ive been making you so nervous, allover nothing” "Not nothing” e sad, “L know youve been feling rotten. t's ‘not that T dont think you hav. leas such lle, That the bby’ heaehy™ “Tne he same way 1d, which possibly the second bigest ie Tevet im, urea ed thename fen, aI didnt dst i “Are you ste? hmeaske. "You dont seem thleJac’. The sevice was low and 1 fl and aver bas atthe sme tne ate mot ofthe bread ad got crumbs all over the tablecloth. I esented being so hungry, reented thatthe Bead 1 ‘te was beg used to yrow something that sapped me hike a parasite, "I doeait have to be cob, Did you know an obuouious facob? Like Teale eee name my sun Pal. Thore was this horvble kid when I wasn fh grade; he ws such bly. Pd understand” There sere tobe nathing Murcay was net willing to understand eanade him scem les intligen, ike he was so much making ab Fowances for pose uu olay wa ee dial in ‘he ist place. ls a unfair thing, Kiss making people out tobe dumber haa they ae ‘cob’ ine! “Are you thinking of Jacobs Lrom— befor? From other lies?” 1c the only one who ean sy Ung like that and make them svn natural who an ven say them with straight face ve never we if es jst humoring me not, ihe aly believes me or ast Finds ny other qualities compelling enough to makeup fa ny beng kusoral fe ike should bother me more han it des, ot know ‘ng f my husband secretly thinks i xay. Maybe I dont mind be ase hop tres fon him, to sch asthe fc at ee way ave him is almost he exact same way {loved ay wife in China, i 103 pas the exams to enter government service, nd had to go see district official inthe prvinctl capital to be assigned pot diet ow where the est of my if would take place, and it frightened re Bt ry parents were very proud, and they helped arange a mar riage th gi who was soem but pretty. We had fve children, and they looked jas like somebedy ad taken half of me and half of ber and ante ther un hey balanced exactly. We enjoyed cach hers ommpany and dil not expect moe than ie ws key to provide. Our luppines might have boon matter of managed expectation, bt it vr el Te never tok Mutsy becuse F dot want oft hi, to ply ‘hat ny Jove for hi i ecyled. Because Uehink maybe he eclly oes belowe me and I dont want co repay his tus with reconst tuted lve. Besides, fin not sre he'd understand the dstinton, that don’ think be ey wie, encaeated, just that he reminds me of het Theres s big aillrece. I dot know who he used tobe; he's 2 su Ive never enenuntered and while makes him an unknown «quantity, ita thing co be patful flo. 1's hornible tose someone sin recognize who they were befor and then be unable to ace who they ae ow, to sett to the Ina way thats oof my conto, that 2s nothing odo with this fe tony happened once o twice, but that was enh. ad to gui ny works jb in callege Bec ry boss tured oto be someone Filed. The deals were fuzzy, ‘hat the gui was arp and ovrwhsing I couldn ce the Dining, Service Superior wh signed ff nay tne cad st Ue oak pain an disbai sien, aco fine with told Mrrythat night at he wstaurant afer the ultrasound. “WB Murray battered the nt piece of bread! aud ptt on the plate in front of me, "You should pck the mle nan he id “rl hink of something" Isai Jesbsomething Rankin. Wi be good name” ve known fot of Jacobs Yao worked in the tanneries tn oe ind wore pai bight yellow sbaes he'd dyed hime was uly ‘work, nd he was considered unclean fr doing it The fames fom the dyes were turuing away is lrg, but we didnt know. Our sons ‘went tothe tanneries when they wae grown and Tin gad noe of us ‘etstond tht would il emt. The name wasn dhe prble, 161 inched st the samt of thore ve knoven before, Y'never be le te eck st anyone straight. 3a theta having a nae a all, mae the feeling worse Jacob got bigger and would hick me, hard ash onstnt a spiteful, and Muzray would a, "Feel that" Thad a ‘lice "Fel wha powell id hating to be: (One evening when Muray was ut, Jaco was thrashing ike mad. {eri to drat yall to ead bok watch TV. [wanted Marray to come ore, bt knew i wok be ti late. The second Saturday every mith, he went ort lends house wo ply poker. Murray pew mp around bere, and his rene atest ends fom high choo ‘hey’ good guys, but they teat hn badly sometines—maybe be cane he’s the one wha wen tocol eg, who works i 3 school, whooes oh womex do, who ha a wife making more than be docs ad ‘who lives inthe nicest house af any of them because of. They gang, ‘upon im, make sure he leave the table with less money thaa he started with, no mater which of chem ends up with Tey think he oesit know but he does and plays with them anyway. Jheab ape onkicking me, and nally Tht hie back, ted yp my shire and slapped ny belly, hard, several mes I shouted a the baby te sop, told him that hated him, and eventually he went stil. 1 managed to rae mel, wile sme above my el ip wa “stupid. Marray sw it and asked that had happened, I told hin 1 da tied anything and be ealde me tobe cael In the stat of towa, abortions after the tells week are techy ‘banned thoogh he In was declared nconstitiona] in 3999, Pos wally abortios ate really ga, with wait assumed o begin toward the end the second trimester. row eau researched CCosvorkers wood bring ltl things by my office, a malin fom the ‘akery ea Loe ordered fr the break room, or ld bby thes that (Gaeion had fond in hishasement and hong might want, id bd to nimi iteret winds Thanks Yoate 0 though, ooking athe tt of the screen to make sue the page tides wer soretlg ike "Reproductive Health," or “ows State La and not “Hen to Get Rid of Your aby “Thee Kindness was a danger, something that threstened ound te hoger. 1 wonder if bel remember being other people” Mucray sud one morning slow an sep twas Saturday, nd we were ln bed always slepe ca my back before ap dda shop so well ow that {had icon mv sie It wasone ofthe mements that mace me think he believed ma that he oak on faith evrything I'd ever sid about any other lives, dia’ think head tn him to ait me, co ty t0 raw me out Me that if he didnt believe “did't remember right away Tesi. I had taken me until the spring of my hid grade ya, The big fads tht yar were sap bracelet fn demon posaton. The bracelets were Ht tis of neon plate ‘hat called around your wrist when yo lapped them to your skin. The demon possession fd started wien Amber Novotny, the mest popalae lin che tied grade, had a grad nl sie daring at las. She fl ‘er stool, knocking her watercolors tothe Noo. Yogurt ups ile ‘vith ity water spill and pooled around her head as she thease and hen hy stl. tas on of the most amazing thing Pd ever sen, Later that day during recess, one of Amber best frends, maybe ‘worried that Amber eplepsy would be considered distinct uncoal {old tiling tale the demon struggling fr Amber’ soul trying totake up residence i he skin, to unerap al er bray presents Aneta the led thease lay Amer had en fighting bravely, tng the demon in unsung sence was marvelous and hori ‘ng Weall wanted one, a demon of eur on, to nate and invent long takes of strug aginst. Daring recess we would standin circles and recount these tales to each eter and, when the playground super sr backs were une drop evitching to the gras. ‘When itcame time to mame my own demon, desribe its endish desgns.on my immortal soul, my answer care aly swift and unex ‘pected asked myself who eae night be living in my skin, and there she was, the fist one [ emenbered, She was ramed Sally old he ther children, and they groaned Sally was no name fora demon, but she wasnt one. She was an English woman, born 795 thief and, lthough I didi ealz atthe tea prostate. Lhd noida what tomake ofher menaiesofasuceson of men, the way they hel her and ped inside her. She was transported to Sydney in 815, wonder i ave descendants i Asc, and i do, if they lve somewhere seni, Ihave fantasies of taking a Toundthe-wodd erp someday, staying oe rein the homes fall he people rated to, respensblefor all the people who would note aliveon earth a this prsen moment without me's tof people a ast some of wom presumably liven atracive places. But there’ no way task them. love track of al the poople loved or bated rhs knew infeenty. dont know what happens to them, what kids of ives they goon to Tea coulda ell dat morning f Muetay Wanted Jacob o zemon ber, Phe thong ha sone special gene and was heping that was orunant instead of ees, think he's jealous of me someties that Ive experienced so much, He dace listen when {try to expla ‘hat al es missing out om sheartache.Jacob Alan Rankin was born by scheduled cesarean in the forty second work 1 had to haves cesitean becase the birth presentation seat abrech—not et St but knee st, kel, fab as i Front his chest nd his hands pressed together ik he was praying These day ifthe ultascurd shows a breech presentation alter the thint-second wee, the obstetricians schedule cesarean, no quer ‘ne shed, Vaginal bec ith is coneldeed dangerous beauze yo hon non until the bodys ou if he head wail eto the pli. sas taped that way once my body Baiting and my esd tuk inside ry mater {ded hat way, mute with me, cheat wk a Tong, tune. fe eer meet again fT recognize he, Pry oid some way toapelogie Fd ved that ie, | woud ave been boy Fapickod Alan because I iid it, purelya mater of aesthetics, ok of bad asain. Fal grown so angry with the ld, want ‘ogi hima name fcaed or. He ase peefec-Noclaws, no fangs, soles. ince he haat hd o squeeze through the bith cana, his oad was ail ses round e stood out the nursery om all ‘there faced cone ead bsbes. A wornn from La Leche Lage ve rea lsson on tress feeding which did eed. nat women (ho nce do not have a udked diferent words for snow ony rome sing twenty to) wed to rested ther hldren up the ageoffve.Icreatesa powerful mother hi bond, Pesaps too pone ‘ful. My second son neve looked fora wif, but seemed conten stay by me, Lapprciate his lp, butt made me wonder iT done somthing wong that had sted him, shrunk his ie and ied him too cel tome. Jacob not nursing wah a lacko pope technique Pops be cold taste the biterness in ne, how Twa recognising ‘who be was, patting a name anda face tothe hate Thad when he wa nsde me, looked at him now: seen who he sed tbe “ee need to be dear on something: dont rn around swearing senguance, Revenge e about stisaction, biti als aout restoring bales, andl think thats somthing tht enough ving went 8, the estat thene'any bance tobe restored, Lave never expected justi ayo my hurdeed and tentysc the lives, and Te been righeno fo, Ive been done wzong plenty of time ad done pleny of ‘wrong myself could singe someting cat and ay, That wast that was the Wott Thing that was the one thing I couldn forgive, this \wouldll make alt more sense. But an, sols pase fora inate te lay aside al he microbes, the bce and the views. Weil ay aside the cancer andthe sutoimmsne diseases and the genetic de fects l he worst surprises de bay springs onl, Well lay aide ‘lack of food ar water or sheler or warmth Well lyase od age ‘There's no way ta make them answer, Well ay ede any nonsentient| Killers animals who snapped er mae oe yore we a of fe, They Ue. Lt uy anid he dea in bi, Ue ayns elie: wh id mein, The anonymous babls fied trying to birth, [None ft was personal ‘Sommthing thit was personal: Iwas drowned once, as cil 1 can remember when where, and I'm not even sure why remem bert dont remember infancy sual. But} remember Being held tinder the water by ry rote, pt dow lke an alma. Lon know ‘wha she was a ry she di But I always knew tha f he esmne ach 1 recogaized he, woud be able o forge her. The body igs. hat’ what Lemember most fom aiff spent in serfdom, working seythe ehh wheat. The what was igh above ‘ur heads and we mod carcflly ina atten cutting inthe same Thython a few paces apart (got turned around somehow inthe Bold and when [swung the lade omy righ, hie my neighbors high, he Femoral tery. an by the tae I pressed my hands against the cu, his pants were already wet with hood. nerber the vay the Hood ‘ame inthe sare yt ass le, his heat Beating hs own life ‘owt His ings seized fr ale, He would nt go. haew Fle hin, ard wished he'd bury that his body would not igh so had Bot he body in an snimal thing and dows nt know how wo surendee. ‘nina’ body fights quietly. acd’ Ife was co new, perhaps he did't know he had anything ole, na way be dd, because there was, and three was, the old soul the bands that had eld me under. verytng that mattered about me had survived hit, and he ‘would survive me. He would become soieone elie’ chld, and ths ‘bbrvited if thistle mistake, woul be bein im. hoped he ‘would come bck inthe developed word somewhere, where he couldgo toschool and eat well not ety. dit wish miseries om him, igure thie would make ws even. Tn thecriba lac banket, age stuf bear, a cow that sid moo ‘ven yn squeezed thoght abou the bes, hen took one of the pillows from the ster bedoon, from my sid ofthe Bed, aot Mu ‘ys vould do that to im, lis posse tat Iaeab never woke Some infants suffocate themselves against their own matress; the ‘ln s 30 undeveloped, will starve without rosing the body. Pee haps hed wake ad wonder why the weld no longer prone the things ee Ue iy laichod fr. In any case be did move: Heidi Thee wete no mf cre. The mines were sland silent, and there was no sdicatlan tha is rai was star Ing, his ngs laugay ls hear shivering at erratic a nll fai lng Whea it was oer, [put the pillow back on my bed. bras my teeth pulled on ay nighigown, and we to deep ‘Murray was at his poker game. {knew when he came home he'd Took inom ace, not so mich o check upon bi as jst to aie hi, fe! his own ert l,l the rsh you get fom looking at 2 eld you love blplessh- Murray would be the one t inhi. oul think ow ese 1o doit oven though the eu of seemed oomous, even to me, He woke me up shouting my name then a fobs then nine gan. alld gt while Mura peed Jaco chest, ‘ith two fingers breathed into his mouth, When got off the poe, T puta hand on Jacobs arm, It es coal, and ied 19 make Murray stop, bathe wou Hist, Th parame came aed wok Jacob out totheambulanc inthe driveway. They else the dots behind them and dia’ come ou for several minates~for show I eink, or ust ‘geting themselves ceady to break the news, The weal ha to wait forthe medical examine to come, the police and the police photog: aphers. put on ap of cof Fielded the questions. about how ' put aco to ep cms back, ot his stomach, How I hada noticed anything wrong with him, “They tok photographs ofthe bedroom, the en, Mow the matress ‘wae the right size ad voles: bow there weren't too many blankets, crillows cot animals, how there wasn anything anybody could Point to that wed done wrong, The medical examiner took Jacob’ ‘ody away for an atopy. The fice telephoned a ew hours ater to sy they could release the body oak us where we wanted it set picked funeral hme ot ofthe ello pages. was moxaingby that time, bat Murray was il iting on the couch, a mug of old coffee om the table in fot of him, He'd barely mowed, ‘Other relevant ats: hat impossible o distinguish atopy betwen Side Infne Death Syndrome aad accidental or deliberate sulfation with sl objec. That the possality of such sufocaton ‘Should only be investigated f the pares lve had previous infants dic under the sae clcumstances, ofboth ofa set of twins have ‘ed, That inal other ares, the patent hos be treated with every ‘ouresy and considttion for the siddennesf tei ls, the depth tof thor gia! the nearassuredaes of ther innocence. Tha his tras another webpage 4 tninimived at werk when the Director of Internal Auditing exe nto tall vo me abaut my upeoming mater nity leave, That the sal, so body | grewinsde myself eurned out tobe infected witha soul I could not keep. Tha I coulda do, and that Foo there ate no words ins ofa unded and nine diferent Ianguagesto defend nyc. Murray ri has layed me, He lings to he fact that it a sorow we con share, that wee united i Ui tereble sadness. Hr makes me Fee gly, ys, but alo ase fork, bers he has no idea how ale he sy the weight ofthe yo eves yhimsel.T igh with ‘ell and dont know how tbe with henanymoce Tn pitt the tone, and whee touches tc is hands ane ike salt Wall ean do tole beside him when we sep. Murray sys he's ready or another baby and Tn tf with same, We're both back at work now. We've ben out to the movies ta dines, Muay vent to. basketball game with soe fends lst week, eho esl wl go pay poker. Soon Toone know what to tel him. eat say ve ure him ina now, freakish way away I never rt anybody i fve thousand yeaes, and the nding ard to match the wrongve done him tothe prac tice ove Tha fr hin bor, that tl hve for him, Tan ell him Fed, assumed, thatacob wa an slated i cident, bt that the worl’ getting crowded. In remembering too tnuch The boy wi works Sunday afternoms at the del counter a Safeway, wh slow with the at slice, ike hes got all day—T'verealizdT remember bn. The Pakistani woman who ows the Stop 1 Goup the sree. The new weatherman onthe Channel 4 news. reeopalzing more and more. They fine tom, and sometines ‘nis them and someciones hate cher, ant scare ne. La ttl ‘them that we Baked nick side by side for twenty year, indentured, an invented secrets to tll each ater to make the work go faster ‘That Jo not loge them for taking two more wives after me. That oved the way they sang or that I vas nypeesed with ow well hey cul tack an animal. ean tll Mucray I haven recognized him yet hat Tok hi and ai at sce Mire that Ts esd famed that wont be ve, Wshaed for me to ep my mind on things a work Ta bean i ternal ator, you hive to sign a contact proms that youl dem onstrate "professional skeptics” Tin trying tam, But Ike when "im eng over some say accounts, and behind the one ae of nut ber ca se what eft uni 1 can se the different breakdowns, Alert scenario, diferent versions of events, whats den by the stesgatfaced statisti. Ws an aul thing, olive in a word thats conticting, backing upon itself ike a high pileup snot place "understand. I wonder iit would hlp to gt out of Des Mines. Should eoncentate on my carer fora while start applying for expo rat tansfers. Wed probaly have 1 pu off another bby. some: thing trun by Murty ‘Ons thing: My dreams ave stayed pescefal. They of dally things. No dats, no bets, no reincarnation. im wandering yp and down the ade of the grocery store with no lit show up a wot, ad ve sgotanalgebra exam. mon stage, and Tv orgoten mines Classics. ‘The ol makedinfrotofwcrowd thing As far ae know thats never actualy happened to anybody, atleast nt any a the one hundred aad twenty seven anyboiesUve been, es something, Is confor. ‘Curse Tablet at the Thermae Sylla While you were leaning back against be coo ledge ofthe bathhonse pol, while each bulb of you ttened ad sl along the cnt of the ils, the gods were massing against you Teas only because somone had rogustd it ofthe, sme will th more alsrity than yours which had caved ts impression into the white lopes ofthe heasens, hough formless even now to your pereption, contrary to your design, braver by far than the whims of your ition — 4 ruth hat brome and remsine only tobe Ofte, such births eth toppling in Ue waterworks ‘hot doesnt fal. othe capsized hollow af aferry to Edipsos ‘Wat neat sels sound your ces dhe ods are amased o think yon ave not yet Bean oisten, Forget tei no that yo should wonder, insted, whether you are scking the wrong questions Cold it be dhe curse ofthe fir? The benevolent? The wise? Pehaps you have avays been to careful and circumspection — the wanderhs of strangers ‘he dark whittngs of bloodlat— wil presently ring you low, es tones to sy what ie weitien shout yu snot 3 gent: ee merely dialogue betwen odds, ach af which hopes, time to find he fvor of you ‘oc the ones who ate you