How To Make Her Want You

The Easiest Way to Seduce Women and Become the Man

You Deserve to Be

by Benjamin Schwarz

Copyright 2016 by Benjamin Schwarz

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or
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Table of Contents
Introduction .......................................................... 5
1.) What Women Find Attractive .............. 10
2.) The Attractive Attitude ........................... 16
3.) The Attractive Behavior ......................... 24
4.) The Attractive Talk ................................... 33
5.) Experience ................................................... 45
Whats Next? ...................................................... 51

Introduction

Have you ever wanted to attract beautiful women?

Hi, my name is Benjamin and I can relate.
It all started when I was a young boy in elementary
school. Once I liked a girl, she got to know about it, she
rejected and I was the center of all the jokes in class for
the next 2 weeks. Today this little incident seems
unimportant. But back then it wasnt.
It is a perfect example of how a small incident can
influence the whole rest of our lives. I wasnt able to
speak to women anymore. I was afraid of them. I was
afraid to approach them. I was afraid to talk to them and
I was even afraid to like them. This fear shaped me
through my whole puberty and my adolescence.
Although I had the desire to love someone and to have
sex with girls I just didnt have the strength to talk to
women. Women wouldnt even recognize me as man.
They would just see me as the nice guy. I was smart, I
wasnt even too bad looking but still, girls wouldnt
consider me as potential partner. I followed all the
advice of my mom and what I have seen in movies. I
would make compliments to girls, surprise them, read
their wishes from their eyes but still my success was
zero. Whereas all the other guys around me who
behaved like assholes always seemed to get the girls.
Life was unfair. I wanted a relationship, I wanted love
and sex so badly but I just couldnt figure out the way
how to get it.
I overcame this problem when realized I needed help. I
researched and read books about how to get girls. This

way I made contact with the seduction community. That

is a community that almost makes it a sport to talk
women into bed. I stumbled over hundreds of methods
taught by various pick up artists and tried to apply
them to women, just to see me fail again. I tried the
smartest pickup lines I could find. But none of them
seemed to work. I tried the so called peacocking
where youd dress up like an idiot in order to stand out
of the crowd. But I just felt weird and women would still
walk on.
Most of the stuff that the seduction community taught
me only brought me limited success. I finally found a
girlfriend but she was emotionally abusive. She played
with me and took advantage of me like I was nothing
but a toy until she dumped me some months later. The
worst moment was when I romantically drew a heart
with our names in it on a gravel path and she
demonstratively stepped on it. Sexless years later, I had
a second girlfriend but she wasnt really my type. I was
actually disgusted by her and I just stayed together with
her because I didnt want to give up the sex. I feel
ashamed today thinking back to that time.
The years passed by. It wasnt until I finally found one
book which made the difference. It was a German book
called Frauenheld by Mathew Lovel. I finally learnt it is
not WHAT Im saying to girls but HOW I deliver the
message which makes me attractive to women.

From that point on I built my attractiveness each day. I

started to be more attractive. I started to naturally and
effortlessly connect with women and the conversations
with them started to flow.
Before I even noticed Ive had the biggest success in my
love life. What was that?
Well, I think what most of us want is not becoming the
next Casanova. I admit, it would be pretty darn cool. But
at the end of the day, I think what we want is to find a
high-class woman that we enjoy spending time with. A
woman with whom it would be a pleasure to spend the
rest of our life with, maybe even start a family with.
So many pick-up artists are actually hollow inside. They
try and fail to fill the emptiness inside with meaningless
sex.
For example, last Christmas, I saw a post from one of the
greatest Pick-up artists in the world Erik von Markovik
alias Mystery. I felt pity for him. He asked if anybody
wants to meet up. It was Christmas Day and he was
feeling lonely. He confessed that he just wants
somebody who can stand him.
I dont know about you, but I never want that to happen
in my life. So what I consider the biggest success in my
love life was that I was ready to welcome a woman in
my life who I want to spend my life with.
This success happened just a few months after I put my
hands on the advice I am about to give to you.

In this guide Im going to show you how I did it and how

you can too.
Im going to do that by showing you what women find
attractive, how to adopt an attractive attitude, how to
behave attractively, how to talk in an attractive way, and
finally how to take the step to ultimate attractiveness
through experience.
By the time you finish this guide youll have everything
you need.
Lets get started with what women find attractive.

1.) What Women Find Attractive

In this chapter were talking about what women actually

find attractive.
The things you need to focus on are Basic hygiene,
Understanding how the brain of a woman works,
Authenticity, Strength, Social behavior and Fun. This is
important to the entire process because there are so
many myths and misconceptions out there about what
women find attractive. The movie-industry, society and
a rather female-oriented education system has given
you a wrong image. No wonder that many men are
confused about whats attractive to women and what
not. In this chapter, we are going to clear your head. I
will show you in a simple and understandable way, what
women actually find attractive.
The first thing we need to focus on is basic hygiene. I
actually shouldnt need to say this but just that were on
the same level. It is not fun to talk or interact with a
stinking, dirty guy. So dont be that guy. Shower, put on
clean clothes, brush your teeth, put on a little bit of
perfume and youre ready to go.
Simply take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself
shows that you like yourself.
Just after that is clear we can start talking about
attractiveness.
What is attractiveness? Attractiveness in our case means
arousing sexual female interest in you. In order to

understand how to arouse sexual female interest we

need to understand how the female brain works.
As modern as we think we are, our brains are pretty,
pretty old. The archaic human brain 10,000 years ago is
the same brain thats now in our head. The archaic brain
has two basic desires: to survive and to reproduce.
Surely, the brain of a man works differently than from a
woman. Both have 2 different bodies and different
functions in nature (men hunt, women raise children).
Also, both have different strategies to survive and to
reproduce. A woman back then knew she would have to
find a man that is strong enough and is able to provide
for her and the future children. That was more
important than to reproduce with a man who had the
best genes. A strong and capable men was therefore
more attractive than a good-looking man. A handsome
man with good genes would have been nice for a night
but for a long term relationship the woman was more
attracted to the strongest man. Thanks to evolution the
female brain became an incredible machine in finding
out who is the strongest man and who is just playing
strong. The female brain is a strength and
authenticity checker.
So what do women find attractive nowadays?
Be aware that every woman is different. I can only tell
you which attributes are generally the most attractive to
women.

A man who is strong, authentic, socially skilled and

smart is most attractive to women.
Lets go further into these points.
Strength can be divided into bodily strength and mental
strength. Bodily strength is easy to detect. Does the guy
have muscles? Is he tall? Is he skilled with his hands or
clumsy as hell?
Mental strength is a little bit harder to assess. A
mentally strong man is determined and capable to
overcome his fears. Thats why women want men to
take the first step and approach them. A woman wants
to see if you have the courage to walk up to her and start
a conversation. She knows it is not easy. You are placing
yourself in a situation where you are exposed to others
and where you can be rejected. But that is the deal. You
have to prove to her that you are strong enough to do
this. It is a test to separate the strong from the weak.
Also self-confidence can be accounted to strength.
Self-confidence is the result of past successes. The more
self-confident you are, the stronger you must be
according to female logic. That might be a reason why
the stupid guys who never doubt themselves seem to
have more success than the smarter ones who question
themselves a lot and therefore have more troubles
building self-confidence.
So a woman is attracted to strength. Faking strength is
easy though. Therefore, the second most important
component of attractiveness is authenticity.

Authenticity means you present yourself the way you

really are. Be honest. Women are very, very good in
detecting lies. As said, the female brain is an
authenticity checker.
High-class women are NOT attracted to guys who have
to hide their true identity behind lies and fakes. Later on
youll learn how you can be truly authentic.
Another important point of attractiveness is your social
skills. Back in the day, not only the strongest and
smartest men where the leaders of the tribe. But the
men who got along well with the other tribe members.
Good social skills ensured that a man (and his woman)
would have a place in the tribe which was crucial for
survival.
Your social skills are revealed by how many people you
know. How do these people react to you? Are they
happy to meet you? Do you get along well with people?
How do you treat people? Are you treating them well or
are you a complete a**hole?
Women naturally scan your social situation all around
the clock.
And finally we get to focus on smartness. Ever heard
that women want a humorous man? The reason for this
is, humor is a proof of smartness. Only really smart
people are able to make hilarious jokes. And on top of
that, its just so nice to be around a person who is fun
and spontaneous. If a woman has a good time with you,

she loves to be around youand that is basically

attractiveness.
In this chapter we learned What women find attractive
by learning basic hygiene, how her brain works, the
importance of strength, authenticity, social skills and
fun. In the next chapter well be covering how to adopt
an attitude that radiates this attractiveness.

2.) The Attractive Attitude

In the last chapter we covered what women find

attractive. It is important to understand women and
how their brain works. This way we know where we can
improve our attractiveness. Now that you know that we
can start to focus on how to become attractive first
through an attractive attitude.
The things you need to focus on are to accept your
sexuality, the belief that you are the price, NonNeediness, Outcome Independence, Self-confidence and
How to deal with setbacks. This is important to the
entire process because your attitude is the foundation of
your attractiveness. If there is no attractiveness IN you,
you cant demonstrate attractiveness on the outside. It
all starts in your head.
The first thing we need to focus on is to accept ourselves
and our sexuality. Accepting yourself shows that you are
strong. You cant radiate strength or build up more
strength if you dont like yourself and if you dont accept
who you are. You are a man, accept that! You want sex,
accept that! Your eyes naturally drift to the boobs of
girls, accept thatand dont apologize for it.
You are just thinking of sex, women love to say. I
usually answer sure, why not!
Only a weak man would deny his own sexuality. Of
course there are certain limits. Never do anything where
there is no mutual consent. That is a no go.
But within yourself accept that you are a man with his
inherent sexual desires.

Once we finish with that we will focus on one belief you

have to adopt. This is the belief: I am the price. A
woman is not more worth than you. Usually when men
see a beautiful woman they behave differently. Suddenly,
they find every joke of her soooo funny and everything
she says is soooo interesting.
They put her on a pedestal. That is a mistake. Nobody
belongs on a pedestal.
Just imagine if you were that woman. How attractive
would a foreign guy be who adores you so much? Who
would do everything for you right away without even
knowing you?
Not very much. Youd probably focus on getting a more
attractive man, who is harder to get. If you failed, you
could still come back, right?
So dont be the easy-to-get guy.
Rather be the attractive man.
You are the price.
You do women a favor with your presence. You spending
time with her is a gift.
Once we adopted that belief we focus on non-neediness.
What does neediness mean? Neediness means that you
need a person. Nobody wants to be around a person
that needs you. We all know those clingy people who try
to make a conversation with you on a party. And even
though the conversation wasnt good they stick around
you. You feel uncomfortable and just want to get rid of
that person.

Neediness is an attraction-killer for men and for

women.
Be non-needy.
You also have all reasons to be non-needy.
Lets face it. There are more than three billion women
on this world. There is not only one special woman out
there. There are at least hundreds if not thousands of
women who would fit to you very, very well. So why
should you need one woman? Why should you need that
one woman on that special party right now?
Now, dont exaggerate with non-neediness and never
talk to a woman again. That is stupid and not non-needy.
Remember, you have to prove that you are strong and
man enough to stand in front of a foreign woman and
start a conversation.
What helped me a lot to find the right balance between
non-neediness and still approaching women was this
sentence in my head:
I dont need you, but I want you.
Hand in hand with non-neediness goes outcome
independence. Outcome independence means that you
dont care what will happen, especially when
approaching women.
Be outcome independent.
Approach a girl and dont care what she thinks about
you or if she rejects you. It doesnt matter.
Outcome independence gives you the freedom in your
head to start a spontaneous and flowing conversation.
That is where most of the seduction community goes

wrong. They focus too much on their special technique

or method and forget that every situation and every
woman is different. No technique or method is adequate
to account for this. They try to get their method through
and therefore they are NOT authentic and they cant
really manage to get a flowing conversation. Therefore,
most of the guys in the seduction community fail to be
attractive to a high-class woman.
If you rather focus on outcome independence instead of
some seduction technique, your head will be free
enough to start a real conversation. That is authentic
and that will make you more attractive.
But not only will outcome independence make you more
authentic, it also takes away most of your fear to
approach a woman. You simply dont care anymore if
she rejects you or not. You dont need her; you are just
here to have fun. She doesnt want to join your fun?
Cool. Youre gonna have fun with the next lady.
Outcome independence is very powerful. Youll learn
later on how you can implement outcome independence
in your life.
Once you understand that, we can talk about selfconfidence. As said above, self-confidence is a result of
past successes. It is your inner baseline of how strong
you are. Usually we have a really negative image about
how good we actually are. Therefore, we have low selfconfidence. To counterattack this negative bias, I
suggest you to do one exercise.
I personally do it every day.

Write down your successes of the day, no matter how

small they appear to be. Five little, simple things are
enough to boost your self-confidence over time. Things
like I learnt 20 minutes Portuguese or I could do 2
more push-ups during workout last night. These are
only small successes but they add up to big ones. By
noting down even the small success you will start to
perceive yourself as powerful. This is how you can foster
your self-confidence.
If you dont want to commit to such a habit (yet) there is
an alternative: Note down 100 things that you have
achieved in your life. These things dont have to be big
things either. Your school degree, getting your drivers
license, mowing the lawn once for someone are all
achievements you could note down. From these 100
achievements pick out the 10 biggest successes and
celebrate them!
This way, too, you can set your self-image right and see
how good you actually are.
And finally we get to focus on how to deal with setbacks.
Be aware that you will have setbacks in your love life. No
matter what some pick-up coaches want to tell you.
Over time you will be rejected by some women. There
will always be setbacks in your life. The question is, how
you react to them.
When you fail, stand up again and keep pushing. Its
basically the only way how you can be successful in this
life. So instead of avoiding problematic situations where

we could fail, we should learn how to deal with

setbacks.
One important insight is that you will get your hits in
the face no matter what you do and no matter which
technique you will use. You will get your ass kicked.
Thats the price you have to pay to get excellent. That is
the rule for everything in life especially in your love life.
Wouldnt it be smart then to get your asskicks and
failures as fast as possible? So get out, talk to women
and get done with your share of failures and rejections
as fast as you can.
To be able to stand the pain of all the failures, you first
need to be gentle to yourself. There are days when you
plan to talk to a beautiful woman but you just didnt do
it. That happens. Just recommit to it right away again.
The reason why we must be gentle to ourselves is that
we dont want to start a vicious circle. If you start hating
yourself for not fulfilling your expectation and bringing
in successes, you will lose self-confidence which means
youll lose attractiveness (which means youll be even
less successful the next time and so on). Be gentle with
yourself and especially in the beginning dont expect
any results. Thats also outcome independence ;).
In this chapter we learned how to adopt an attractive
attitude
by learning to accept ourselves and our manly sexuality,
the belief that you are the price and no woman is more
worth than you, non-neediness, outcome independence,
self-confidence and being gentle with yourself. In the

next chapter well be covering how to demonstrate our

attractive attitude through our behavior.

3.) The Attractive Behavior

In the last chapter we covered the attractive attitude.

That is very important because attractiveness begins in
your head. Now that you know that, we can start to
focus on how to demonstrate this attractiveness through
your behavior. Interestingly enough, demonstrating
your attractiveness in your behavior also has an
influence back on your attitude. For example, if we
behave like a very strong man we subconsciously
perceive ourselves as strong. The more we perceive
ourselves as strong the stronger we behave again and
so on and so forth. This is a positive feedback cycle. We
can use this mechanism to push ourselves to the
stratosphere of attractiveness. The principle fake-it-tillyou-make-it applies as well. Even if you dont feel very
strong and in control right now (remember both are
very attractive attributes in a man) you can behave as if
until you start feeling strong and in control.
The things you need to focus on are your Facial
Expression, Body Language, Unreactiveness, Leading
and Eye-Contact. This is important to the entire process
because our gestures and facial expressions determine
to about 55% of the whole message we transmit. 38%
of the total communication happens through our tone of
voice and only 7% of the overall communication is made
up by the content of the words.1 Therefore, HOW we say
something is more important than WHAT.

Mehrabian, Albert (1981). Silent messages: Implicit communication of emotion and

attitude. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth
1

The first thing we need to focus on is your facial

expression. Do you know those Botox-people? Their
faces dont move much, no matter what they are saying
or which emotions there currently facing. Nobody can
really connect to such people. Nobody really gets
engaged with them.
Science has shown that smiling people are more
attractive than people with no expression in their face.
Your face is therefore a really great tool to build your
attractiveness. Use as many muscles in your face as you
can during a conversation. Especially the ones for
laughing and smiling. Laugh with the people around
you. Smile when you say hi. Itll make you attractive.
Once we finish with that we will focus on body language.
The attractive body language is the body language of a
leader. Why is that? Remember, the archaic programs in
the brain of a women draw her to the men that could
provide best for her and the future kids. Who could
provide better than the leader of the tribe!
Want some examples of leader-body language?
Take a look at Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones or even
better Leonidas in 300 (because Leonidas at least
smiled once or twice).
A leader stands upright but relaxed, his shoulders are
relaxed, arms hanging down. A leader takes up lots of
room. He takes his room when he walks, when he stands
and when he sits.
Lets do a little exercise to get into the body language of
a leader. Stand up and think of the greatest victory in

your life. What are you most proud of? Maybe you want
to have a look at your list of your 10 greatest
achievements again. When you have them I want you to
stand and think of this victory for 1 minute.
Did you notice something? Your breast and chin goes a
little up. You can breathe freely. Your toes are pointing a
little bit to the outside. You are upright but relaxed.
Thats the position that is pretty much attractive. Now
stroll around. Do you feel that you are walking pretty
relaxed but head held high? Like you are enjoying life.
Do you notice that little relaxed bounce in the way you
walk?
Thats it, bro! You nailed it.
Theres another excise:
Imagine your spine is a long water jet and on top of this
water jet theres a ball dancing. The ball is your head.
Now, imagine that the ball is smoothly pushed up in the
air as much as possible. Your body remains relaxed
though. Stand and feel your body. Then slowly walk
around. This exercise should have the same effects on
you like before. Upright, relaxed, a little bounce while
walking.
Do you also notice how your feeling might have
changed?
You feel like you are in control, like you are strong.
Thats exactly how you should feel. Remember this
posture. Practice to walk around like this until it
becomes natural.

Hand in hand with your body language goes

unreactiveness. Unreactiveness means that your body
language is basically slower than usual. The opposite of
unreactive is nervous. Nervous people are not attractive.
They radiate this kind of energy thats making people
feel uncomfortable. You probably have encountered
such nervous people. Remember how it was. They talk
too fast, they play with their fingers, nervously look
aroundIf you could choose youd rather spend your
time with a person who is calm and seems to have
everything under control, right?
So be unreactive. It is actually pretty easy. From now on
everything you do, you do it more slowly. When your
phone rings just pick it up slower than usual. Pick your
bottle of beer more slowly. And if there is a glass
breaking in the club you just turn around more
slowlyor maybe dont look at all. That sets you apart
from all the dudes that jump around like an alarmed
baby deer to see what happened.
With this behavior you seem to have everything under
control. The archaic programs in the brain of a woman
love this.
If your actions are slower, your thinking slows down as
well. You yourself will feel like you got everything under
control. That helps a lot to mitigate the fear of
approaching foreign women. Try it out!
Once we finish with that we will focus on how to lead.
The background is this:

The seduction community always talks about

dominance. Just a dominant man is attractive they say.
I agreepartly.
A man should be able to go for what he wants. He
should be determined enough to NOT be influenced by
what other people want for/from him. He should be
able to defend his position. In my eyes, this is enough
dominance.
What the seduction community proposes though is this:
Everyone has to do what you say. If they dont obey,
they should get lost. You dont make compromises. You
walk over people.
That pretty much sucks.
With such an attitude you are making yourself a really
obnoxious person. You may get a girl for a night with
such an attitude. But you wont keep her for long time. I
can almost assure you that. At least for really high class
women.
My approach is this: I know what I would like to do, I
know where the journey is going (into her bed) and I
want to LEAD us both there. Leading doesnt mean
dominating (go to bed with me or get lost, woman!).
Leading is rather making suggestions to get to do what
you want.
Hey, I am thirsty. Lets go to the bar and have a drink.
That is leading.
Hey, I would like to meet you again. Give me your
number and Ill call you.
That is leading, too.

Especially notice, when you lead you are the one who
calls back and you dont ask for anything but you give an
order.
Giving an order doesnt need to be rude. Why not saying
please?
Pass me the salt, please. [smile]
That is a friendly order which subconsciously
demonstrates (attractive) strength.
Can you pass me the salt, please? is a question and not
an order. Although the content is basically the same the
last sentence demonstrates not as much strength as the
one before. A statement is always stronger than a
question.
Finally, we get to focus on Eye-Contact. Maintaining eyecontact was one of the most impactful attractivenesstweaks in my life.
The eye is the portal to the soul. With your eyes alone
you can communicate a lot. Eyes tell if a person is lying
or telling the truth. Before the first kiss theres usually
an intense eye-contact. Eye-contact is basically the
preliminary stage for sex.
And eye-contact is the first point where so many guys go
wrong: They look away.
During the first eye-contact, if you look a woman in the
eyes and look away first what does that mean?
It means you cannot stand her strength. That means you
are weaker than her. Why should a woman back in the
day invest into you (by giving you the opportunity to
reproduce) when she is actually stronger than you? It

doesnt make sense for her. You are not helping her in
the survival game. Youre rather lowering her chances
for survival (as she would need to care FOR YOU). Thats
why, you wouldnt be attractive to her at all.
From now on, you will look into a womans eyes and
never look away first ever again.
Say that out loud: I will never look away first again.
This first eye-contact is crucial.
The first 10 times it may not be too easy to stand such a
prolonged (usually just one second longer) eyecontact. Its kind of an uncomfortable situation. But,
remember, you got to prove that you are a strong man.
Maintaining the eye-contact is the first step to prove
this.
After a while it gets easier. And in the end, it will become
your nature.
Interestingly enough, the more often you win this duel
of the eyes the stronger, the more self-confident and
the more attractive you will feel.
Oh, and dont be afraid to smile .
To not look away first also opens up the opportunity for
you to see which girls are interested in you. As a rule of
thumb, you could say that the girls that look down after
your eye-contact are the girls that are interested in you.
The girls that look to the side are indifferent to you and
the ones that look up are not interested.
Now, I am not saying that you should only approach the
girls that are interested in you. On the other hand, it is a
neat way to go for the set deals in the beginning.

In general though, you are a strong man, bro. Go for the

girls that YOU find interesting. No matter if they are
already interested in you or not. You are outcome
independent and non-needy, right? That gives you the
freedom to choose!
In this chapter we learned how to behave attractively
by learning to put more emphasis on our facial
expression, the manly body language, unreactiveness,
leading and keeping the eye contact. In the next chapter
well be covering how to manifest our attractiveness
during conversation.

4.) The Attractive Talk

In the last chapter we covered the attractive behavior.

This is important because HOW you deliver a message is
more important than the message itself. A woman has
determined your attractiveness by a great part before
you have said two sentences. Now that you know that
we can start to focus on how to manifest attractiveness
during a conversation.
The things you need to focus on are How to Approach
Women, How to never run out of topics, Your Voice,
Flowery Language, Polarization, Building Trust and
Coping with Shit Tests. This is important to the entire
process because a high-class woman wont jump into
bed with you right away just because you radiate a high
level of attractiveness. You have to build up and prove
your attractiveness during a conversation with her.
The first thing we need to focus on is how to approach a
woman.
Do you want to know the easiest pickup line in the
world?
Hi!
Thats it.
It doesnt take more than a simple hi together with a
broad and self-ironic smile to open a conversation with
a woman.

The seduction community overcomplicates the whole

issue of approaching women.
The reason: theyre afraid.
Going to a beautiful woman and starting a conversation
with her is scary. We expose ourselves to the whole
surrounding, we show that were interested in that
woman and if she rejects us were the victim of the
judgements of other people. Thats something all men
including the majority of the seduction community are
afraid of.
It doesnt even matter where this fear comes from. Some
say it is a remnant of former times where the rejection
of a person would lower our survival probability.
What really matters, is how we cope with that fear.
Because as we have covered already, you approaching
the woman is her first test to see if you have the courage
to stand your man and come talk to her. She doesnt
want to hear a dumb Pick-up Line; she wants to have a
real conversation with a real man in front of her.
There are no magic pills as some members of the
seduction community wants you to believe.
Let me tell you. You WILL be rejected from time to time
no matter what you do. Accept that.
You cant expect a 100% success rate.
Thats why we went over the attractive attitude first.
If you are really non-needy and outcome independent,
what does it matter if one woman doesnt want to talk

with you? What does it matter what other people think?

Nothing. Shrug and move on.
Have fun with the next lady. Thats the attitude you must
adopt.
Apart from being non-needy and outcome independent
what you could also do to avoid the fear of approaching
is following the 3-seconds rule. Within the first 3
seconds after you spotted a woman, you walk up to her
and say hi. That is a famous rule in the seduction
community. I admit, its not a bad one.
I never really followed it though. I coped with my fear in
a different way:
For example, on an event or in a club I looked around to
see who is here. Of course, I never looked away first.
When I saw an interesting woman and I decided to
speak to her, my heart would beat faster and I got
nervous. To calm myself down, I would just press my
index finger against my thumb. This way I channeled my
excess-energy. I also forced myself to breath more
slowly and deeply. That would calm me down pretty
well. Then I would say hi to that woman as soon as
possible because fear builds up (and undermines your
attractiveness) the longer you wait.
That is my advice to you. Try to control your fear by
breathing more slowly and deeply and pressing your
index finger on your thumb. These are little tweaks that
have a great impact.
Always remember, you dont need that woman (but you
want her) and you dont give a damn about what is

gonna happen. You just wanna have fun. Then nothing

can go wrong.
The next problem that most men face is what to talk
about after youve opened the conversation. While there
are lots of tips on small talk out there like dont talk
about politics, dont talk about religion etc. they dont
really help. Even worse is the approach to prepare
scripts and learn them by heart. Dont do that. Too much
work, too little success.
A real conversation lives on spontaneity.
An attractive conversation flows, its fun and everyone
feels comfortable.
Any conversation rule would kill that.
Thats another big misconception that some men in the
seduction community have. They focus on perfecting
conversation techniques with all its rules. Over the
years they might get women into bed with it. However,
you cannot keep a high-class woman only with a
perfected technique and some canned stories.
In my opinion, it is better and gives you results faster if
you work on your ability to get a conversation flowing.
You will stay way more authentic than with any
technique. And remember, if a woman detects that you
are not authentic (and she will) your attractiveness
decreases rapidly.
Do you want to know how to get a conversation flowing
and never run out of topics again?
Do this exercise:

A friend tells you a term or a word. For example, birch

tree or mattress and you create a 1-minute story
around this. It doesnt matter if its a true story or a
made-up story. The main thing is to tell a story that has
a beginning, a body and an ending.
I love to tell funny stories that happened in my life or
that I have seen somewhere. But in this exercise it is
about you. Tell any story you want.
You can also do this exercise by yourself. Look around in
the room you are currently in. The next thing you see is
the item you build a story around.
The purpose of this exercise is to increase your ability to
make associations. You will know a question to ask a
woman or a comment to say after you said hi.
During a conversation so many possible stories will pop
up in your head just because of the words that she was
saying. When it is your turn to talk again you will
always have something to talk about that is related to
what she just said. This is the start of a flowing
conversation.
Oh and hey, dont worry too much about what YOU
could say. Let HER do most of the talking. Shell
appreciate it ;).
Once we finish with that we will focus on your voice.
There are three components of human conversation:
Body language, voice and content. Body language is the
most important one. 55% of all communication signals
are emitted through your body. The next most

important communication component is your voice with

a share of 38%.
With your voice you can build up lots of attractiveness.
In general, women like a deep, full manly voice.
How do we get one?
Actually your voice is just a result of your body
language. As soon as your body is tense, your voice is
tense and not as deep and full as it could be. By simply
practicing the body language that we covered in the
previous chapter your voice already becomes full and
deep. A relaxed body swings together with your vocal
chords. Thats why you get more resonance and a fuller,
deeper and therefore more attractive voice.
The second mistake guys with an unpleasant voice do is
they talk in a nasal way. To avoid a nasal voice do this:
Say a sentence.
Now hold your nose and say the same sentence.
Does it sound nasal?
If it does repeat this exercise until both sentences, with
and without closing your nose, sound the same.
Thats your sweet spot where your voice most likely
sounds best.
Also, be careful about your intonation at the end of the
sentence. Your voice should go down every time you end
a sentence. That shows that youre making a statement.
Instead, when your voice goes up it indicates a question.
Many people go up with their voice at the end of the
sentence, even though it is actually not a question.
That radiates weakness and not strength.

It feels like you are questioning what you are saying.

So be careful and go down with your voice at the end of
the sentence. Make statements.
Once we finish with that we will focus on using a
flowery language. Many men speak in a very factual way.
The problem is: facts exclude emotions.
However, being attracted to someone is an emotional
reaction and not a logic decision. So actually you should
have an emotional language to build up attractiveness.
Where do you work? What do you do for a living?
Do you like it? Those are all great questions and there
is nothing wrong about asking them from time to time.
But in terms of attractiveness you wont get very far
with them. Anybody can ask those questions.
A language that triggers images and feelings is way
more effective in creating affinity and raising your
attractiveness.
How to trigger images and feelings though your day-today language?
Make it flowery!
Use words like amazing, breathtaking, stunning,
brilliant and all those other adjectives that include
strong emotions.
Thats an easy way to put life into what you are saying.
Once we finish with that we will focus on Polarization.
Polarization means having an opinion and standing up
to it. Polarization means having such a strong or even
extreme opinion about some things that it divides the

people around you. It divides the people into friends

and foes. Into girls that find you interesting and girls
that dont.
Be your most self. Polarize with your personality and
you will stand out of the crowd. Polarize and the girls
that stay in your vicinity are the ones definitely
interested. These girls are also the ones that probably fit
best to you in terms of character and thinking. The girls
that go away would have been anyways a waste of time.
Many men are afraid of polarization. They want to be
liked by that one woman, so they agree with her no
matter what she says. Not very attractive.
Dont be that guy.
You have a clear opinion and you stand up to it. No
matter what the woman thinks about it. She might only
play to disagree just to see if you are really that strong
and authentic.
That brings us to the next point: Shit Tests.
I love that scene from Spiderman where Peter Parkers
best friend tries to get together with Mary-Jane. It
perfectly illustrates a shit test. M.J. says that spiders
are so fascinating. He answers: Yeah, me too.
Then, she says that she finds spiders disgusting. He
answers: Yeah, me too.
Two contradicting sentences to test if that dude is only
trying to impress her (which he obviously was) or if he
is really thinking that way.
You should stand up to your opinion to remain
authentic.

Testing your authenticity is one aspect of shit tests.

The second aspect is to frame the situation in a way that
says she is the price and you are just a little horndog
whos trying to get her.
Shit tests are also an attempt to select between the guys
who are strong enough to break her frame and the
once who cant.
I bet you have already been subject to such a shit test.
The classical one is: You just wanna get me into bed,
dont you?
That sentence frames the woman as the price and
therefore makes you inferior to her.
For a truly weak man thats kind of the end of the
journey.
As the strong and self-confident man, who you are by
now, you cannot accept that frame. Demonstrate her
that you are a strong and smart man. Reframe the
situation so that you become the price again. Take her
down from the pedestal she just put herself on.
How can you do that?
By sayingnothing. Most of the time thats better than
justifying yourself. Say nothing or simply shrug. Thats
unreactiveness at its best. If you dont react to her
frame, the frame breaks.
Another answer I like is to say in a very ironic way:
Yeah, yeah princess. That brings her down from her
pedestal.

Wanna see another shit test?

Say, you have just met a woman, she barely seems to be
interested and rather talks to other people. Could you
get me/us a drink?. She wants to see if she can play
with you like with all the other weak guys. What would
you answer? No princess, get it yourself. [smile] or I
am not that kind of guy. Maybe she wont like it, but
hey, who cares? Maybe she also looks very surprised at
you. Maybe you have her full attention and maybe you
have just earned her respect.
The key-lesson about shit tests is:
The woman isnt necessarily opposed to you. In most of
the cases, she actually finds you pretty much attractive.
She just wants to be sure. Thats why she is almost
automatically doing them. To test your strength and
smartness even further. That is the game.
And finally we get to focus on trust. You can be really
attractive to a woman but she wouldnt jump into bed
with you, if she cannot trust you.
Attractiveness is one part, but without trust you wont
reach anything substantial. A conversation is your
chance to build up trust naturally.
How to build up trust?
First of all, be honest.
Remember, women are authenticity testers. Sooner or
later they will know if you are lying or not.

I dont respect people that lie no matter for which

reason, neither do high-class women.
Being honest is also a sign of strength. It requires
strength to be fully honest! Women love men that can
afford to be honest and dont need to hide behind lies.
Second, talk to a woman as if you know each other since
forever. Thats how her friends talk to her. If you talk
with her in the same way she subconsciously will
perceive you as trustful (like her friends). This way you
can actually connect to anyone and build friendships
pretty quickly.
It is even better to talk to a woman as if you have had
sex with her already.
If thats too hard to imagine, imagine that the sex is
already a set deal and now you are just passing the time
with her in the best and funniest way. This way youll
behave naturally and authentic. That makes it easy to
trust you.
In this chapter we learned how to build your
attractiveness in your talking
by learning how to approach a woman, how to never
run out of topics, to have a deep and full voice, to use
flowery language, polarization, coping with shit tests
and building trust. In the next chapter well be covering
how to become your most attractive self through
experience.

5.) Experience

In the last chapter we covered the attractive talk. That

was the final step in building up your attractiveness in
front of women. Now that you know that we can start to
focus on how to implement everything youve learned
and gain the necessary experience.
The two things you need to focus on are Social
Calibration and The One Rule you have to follow. This is
important to the entire process because experience will
maintain and increase your attractiveness. Experience
will make the difference for final success with women
The first thing we need to focus on is Social Calibration.
Your attractive attitude, your attractive behavior and
your attractive talking skills do not matter if you dont
go out there, use and refine them. Thats what social
calibration is about: refining your attractiveness in the
heat of real social interaction. Social calibration is
something that can get lost pretty easily. I noticed that
when I was studying. When I locked myself in for a week
to study for an exam, I always talked so weirdly the first
two days after I finally had human contact again. The
conversations not only with women but also with my
friends always seemed to be pretty rocky at first. It
wouldnt really flow.
Maybe your work requires you to stay in a silent place
not being disturbed by anyone. Then it is important to
counterbalance this time of solitude with some social
interaction. Get in a communicative mode every day and
practice what you have learned.

How to get into the communicative mode and foster our

attractiveness every day?
At first, read over the attractive attitude again and do
the exercises there if you havent already.
Then, every time you remember it, practice your upright
and room-taking body language. There is no real plan
you need to follow. I think, if you practice that body
language every time you think of it (it only takes about 3
seconds to change into that body language) it will
become your second nature sooner or later.
For your attractive voice, do the exercise where you hold
your nose and try to find your sweet spot RIGHT NOW.
Do it!
Next time you speak with your family or friends practice
to speak in that voice. It isnt even unnatural to speak
with such a voice. You just sound more relaxed and that
is very pleasant for your family and friends.
Practice your attitude and behavior any time you think
of it until it becomes natural.
That is the easy part.
It requires a little more effort to gain experience in
attractive talk.
There it doesnt help, bro. You gotta go out and get to
talk to lots of (foreign) people.
Ill give you a plan for that.
Exercise #1:

For the next 7 days, anytime you pay for something you
will ask the paid person a random question. It doesnt
matter what you ask. Just ask a simple, non-binding
question. If a conversation starts because of it, good!
Take any chance to talk to people.
This exercise gets you in a communicative mode in a
very elegant way. You dont have to be afraid of going
towards a person and start a conversation from scratch.
That person already has a reason to have a social
interaction with you (the paying process). This way I
already had great and funny conversations with some
waitresses. My friends called it flirting. I called it having
fun.
Feel free to continue that exercise for as long as you
want but do it at least for 7 days.
After the 7 days of Exercise #1, continue with Exercise
#2: Say hi to people randomly on the street.
The goal is to say hi to 50 random people in one day.
Smile at them. No need to say more than a simple hi. You
may want to start with 10 in one day. You could add like
10 people every day until your reach 50.
When I did this exercise the first time I started with 10
people a day. That was actually pretty weird, saying hi to
10 foreign people. They never replied. They just walked
on or looked at me like I was an alien. But on the second
day, after I said hi to 20 random people on the street, I
noticed something crucial. I didnt care anymore if
people would say hi back or not. I didnt care if some of
them looked at me as if I was crazy. I knew I kind of

exposed myself to people but they couldnt hurt me

anymore. So I said hi to 30 more people that day
because it was just so easy. Then I took my pencil and
ticked this exercise off.
Maybe you still dont get why you should do this
exercise. Let me be your Mr. Miyagi here and trust me,
Daniel-San. This exercise is important because it
desensitizes you for the fear of approaching people. It is
for you to practice your outcome independence and
non-neediness and EXPERIENCE the power of both of
them. Trust me. It is a really cool feeling.
After you mastered Exercise #2 and have said hi to 50
foreign people in one day, you are ready for Exercise #3:
Its now time to get you into talking to people. Start a
conversation with 30 foreign people in one day,
preferably women.
Here too, start small. Reach a small daily goal and feel
awesome at night instead of expecting too much too
fast.
Start with 1 foreign person a day. Talk to that person,
have a good time. The next day you can go for 2 people,
then 3 and someday 30. You dont have to do this
exercise every day. I personally like to chillax at home
on Sundays where I barely talk to anyone. But try to
finish this exercise in one month. That is doable if you
jump from 10 people to 15 people in one day for
example.
Feel free to do it faster if you notice after the first week
that it is going pretty well.

As soon as you are done with Exercise #3 you are ready.

You are ready to continue practicing your attractiveness
on your own. Practice, practice, practice. Continue in the
way you want to. Take the advice that has worked for
you and drop the one which hasnt. Real attractiveness
comes from talking to attractive women.
Finally, here is my last advice for you. There is one rule
you have to follow.
The one rule is: there are no rules.
Rules kill your spontaneity which in turn will kill a good
conversation.
Everything Ive told you is nothing more but a guideline
to higher attractiveness.
Every woman is different. You will always have to adapt.
What the one woman liked the other one might hate.
I am far away from saying that these guidelines are
everything you need to be attractive to any woman that
is out there. That is simply impossible.
Some will like you, some wont. And it is good that way.
In the last chapter we learned how to gain experience
by getting to know some helpful exercises and rejecting
all rules. In the next chapter well talk about how to put
it all together and what to do next.

Whats Next?

Youve been on quite a journey in the last few pages of

the book.
We started by understanding what women really find
attractive. Then we went through how to adopt an
attractive attitude. From there we covered how to
behave and talk in an attractive fashion, and finally we
realized that everything is nothing if you dont go out
and get experience.
By now you should have a very detailed knowledge of
how to be attractive to women.
The only thing left to do now is take action on what you
just picked up. With everything we included inside (and
all the tweaks and shortcuts) you should be able to start
tomorrow and receive significantly more female
attention within the next 30 days.
Ive armed you with everything you need but I cant do
the work for you. The rest is up to you.

One more thing:

I want to hear your Success Story.
Write me at benjaminschwarzlive@gmail.com and tell
me your success story after using the information from
this guide. I cant wait to hear from you.

Benjamin Schwarz,
Author