GOLDEN AGE

S E T H A B R A M S O N

BLAZEVOX[BOOKS]

Buffalo, New York

Golden Age
by Seth Abramson
Copyright 2017
Published by BlazeVOX [books]
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without
the publishers written permission, except for brief quotations in reviews.
Printed in the United States of America
Interior design and typesetting by Geoffrey Gatza
Cover Art by Glenn Brown, The Shallow End, 2011, Oil on panel, 128 x 96 cm (oval)
Image courtesy of def_image and Galerie Max Hetzler
Glenn Brown
First Edition
ISBN: 978-1-60964-267-9
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016952160
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Kenmore, NY 14217
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The Good Life

HI! Im in my GARAGE! Just bought this NEW LAMBORGHINI here. Its fun to drive up
here in the HOLLYWOOD HILLS. But you know what I like a lot MORE than materialistic
things? KNOWLEDGE. In fact, Im a LOT more proud of these TEN NEW BOOKSHELVES
I had to get installed to hold the THREE THOUSAND NEW BOOKS that I bought. Its like
the BILLIONAIRE Warren Buffet says: The more you LEARN, the more you EARN. Now,
maybe youve seen my TEDX talk in which I talk about how I read A BOOK A DAY? You
know, I read a book a day not to show off, its again about the KNOWLEDGE. In fact, the
REAL REASON I keep a LAMBORGHINI here is that its a REMINDER. A REMINDER
that dreams are still POSSIBLE.
It wasnt that long ago that I was in a little town across the country sleeping on a COUCH in
a MOBILE HOME with FORTY DOLLARS in my bank account. I didnt have a COLLEGE
DEGREE. I had no OPPORTUNITIES. But you know what? Something happened that
CHANGED MY LIFE. One day my STEPFATHER came out of the kitchen and ORDERED
me to get a JOB. That ASS hadnt worked A SINGLE DAY since he LOST HIS TESTICLES
following a JOB ACCIDENT. Most days hes THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND by ELEVEN
AM. So if a guy like THAT tells me to go down to the UPS STORE and get me a DELIVERY
MAN POSITION you bet your ASS Im going to HEAR THAT. And you know less than half
a year later I was delivering a PACKAGE to this condo in MALIBU when the man who
owned that VERITABLE PALACE told me that I could make more money at HOME than
by WORKING A JOB if I just followed the THREE EASY STEPS he would teach me. And
just like THAT Id FOUND A MENTOR. And a partner of his who lived in RENO became
ANOTHER MENTOR. And it turned out that these SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE were part of a
nationwide GROUP OF MENTORS looking for guys like me DOWN ON THEIR LUCK to
help them achieve THE AMERICAN DREAM. In a pretty short time Id found THREE
MENTORS. And they showed me what THEY did to become MULTIMILLIONAIRES.
Again, its not just about the MONEY, its about THE GOOD LIFE: HEALTH, WEALTH,
LOVE, and HAPPINESS.
This isnt a GET RICH QUICK scheme. You know, like they say, if things sound too GOOD
to be true, they are TOO GOOD to be true. Im not promising you that TOMORROW YOU
CAN BUY A LAMBORGHINI. But what I AM telling you is that IT CAN HAPPEN FASTER
THAN YOU THINK if you know the PROVEN STEPS: INVEST IN YOURSELF. ALWAYS
BE CURIOUS. DONT BE A CYNIC. Okay? People see people like me and they think, Oh,
13

thats not real, thats somebody else. DONT LISTEN. DONT LISTEN. BE AN OPTIMIST.
Like CONRAD HILTON, the HOTEL MAN. He once said that when he was TEN YEARS
OLD he had to SHOOT A MAN to MAKE IT KNOWN he was a person to be FEARED. The
man he shot was an IMMIGRANT with MANY COUSINS and was also A VERY QUICK
DRAW. But Hilton managed to PUT HIM DOWN by SHOOTING HIM IN THE BACK
when he TURNED AROUND to talk to a LADY. Hilton DID NOT FEEL GOOD ABOUT
THIS but was CERTAIN that it was ULTIMATELY FOR THE BEST. And you know what?
He was RIGHT. HILTON HOTELS started because of that QUICK THINKING. And the
reason he was such a QUICK thinker? Hed been reading THE ART OF WAR. That book
CHANGED HIS LIFE.
BOOKS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. And SUN TZU in THE ART OF WAR said
OPTIMISM.
So if youre a PESSIMIST, you dont need to come in here. DONT WORRY ABOUT IT. I
dont need to talk to everybody. But if youre somebody who knows theres SOMETHING
BETTER, because you know that THE DREAM IS POSSIBLE, come RIGHT IN.
You know, to some of you here its not necessarily a LAMBORGHINI. Maybe its a NEW
JOB. A new OPPORTUNITY. Starting your own COMPANY. Maybe its a new LIFESTYLE,
without so much STRESS. TRAVELING THE WORLD. Becoming a CARD SHARK or
learning how to KITE CHECKS. Doing all those things you know youre DESTINED TO
DO. Maybe you have a STEPFATHER or OTHER RELATIVE who you think needs to learn
a HARD LESSON. You cant do these things unless you UNDERSTAND FINANCES.
Money? I dont call it money anymore. I call it FUEL UNITS. YOU MUST HAVE
ENOUGH FUEL UNITS to LIVE OUT YOUR DREAM and LIVE OUT YOUR DESTINY.
Im excited to share this AMAZING STUFF. YOULL SEE. Not because of anything about
me, but because I studied with mentors MANY YEARS ahead of me. Not just through
BOOKS LIKE THESE, though I LOVE BOOKS, but also REAL IN-PERSON MENTORS.
Let me SHARE WITH YOU these THREE TIPS that have made ALL THE DIFFERENCE in
my LIFE. Theyre PRACTICAL. You can do them TODAY. You can start on them TODAY.
GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FOLKS WHO ENCOURAGE
YOU TO BE YOUR BEST SELF AND ARE LIVING LIFE IN A WAY YOU ADMIRE AND
WISH TO EMULATE. AND FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU. I cannot emphasize how
SHITTY my life was before I learned THIS LAST LESSON from my MENTOR in TULSA.

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So right now Im going to OPEN UP THIS GARAGE DOOR and the FIRST TEN PEOPLE
to walk in are IN.
APPLE STARTED IN A GARAGE. SO DID HP. And WENDYS. And BARNES & NOBLE.
Theres enough room for TEN PEOPLE in this garage. Only OPTIMISTS, though. Only
REAL OPTIMISTS.
LISTEN: Were going to CHANGE THE WORLD and do it with KNOWLEDGE!

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America (Genius Annotation)

I have a habit of directly addressing my country

in an ironic, even parodic fashion. Speedy anger
is worth about $2.27 these days,
which wasnt even a lot back in January of 1956.
Back then, juxtaposing money and time
without any punctuation
gave us all a feeling for how things are famously done.
But today I think Im worth three Ginsberg metaphors.
I cant stand my own skunk hour, how I anticipate
three years of declarations by Confessionalists.
My minds not right: like a proxy war over the Suez
or covert operations. When I was written into
the Cold War, different countries were backed
by the United States; the most recent was Russia.
I want the architects of America to shove more
fucks into atoms. Human populations dont bother
or annoy me; Im constantly preoccupied
with mental conditions, or knowing my mom, or
my deteriorating mind, or my genetic assumptions,
or destiny, or what is technically right according
to psychiatric hospitals. So, just 65 more lines to go.

Perhaps the mad are actually people expressing

how society deems America not to exist? Angelic
speakers contemptuously, line by line, begin with this,
then somehow say that theyre being sarcastic.
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When will criticism of our duplicity take off, America?

This could also be a project a benevolent nation
writes, internationally and well. America, being your
underclothes is ruthless, but it accrues for us wealth
and sexuality, desire and shame. When will you stop
with your etc.? Will you die with a withering look?
Will we be way proud of how we looked back
and disappointed ourselves? Shellfish living is really
unsustainable.
Trotsky adhered to a Marxism espoused by Trotsky;
Ginsberg approves of philosophy but betrays his
wobbles; the Communist Partys nostalgic anti-bodies
were scathing and clear in their fundamentals;
Sacco and Vanzetti were referred to the sad history
of America; Russians, Jews, and political radicals
on the dole suggested improvements to Americas IQ.
A famine of war in India hindered fighting countries
from engaging Wikipedia or the Cincinnati Bengals
in 1943. The point being, Im sick of your insane demands,
your activists stance on banning,
your ironic marijuana, your clever conformity, your
among other thingsmisdiagnosing of virtual reality
as corrupt in a deviant way
when its clearly corrupt in the normal way, America.

A still valid question about supermarkets:

why is a lament only $2.27? My complaints about
California, capitalism, and Tom Harkin line up
with most Americans, ironically given our relief
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at isolationism. How many Americans can feel

at a time? Are we better than Ginsberg at using
the phrase after all in a tone-deaf way? Seriously?
Ginsberg, your machinery is too much for me
you wanted to be a theme commonly brought up
in Howl in reference to the pleasures of a saints
war. But now theres something else down here
we cant say: that this applies to you anymore.
Future is in the past tense now, at least artificially.
Its an unreviewed annotation governments desire
to handle internationally. Or: Personas start wars
find some other method! Burroughs was just some
fellow in Tangiers, anyway, pimping naked
an erogenous zone masquerading as a collection of
stories. At the time, he had material.
America, stop pushing: Ginsberg is not mad. He is
clearly wrongand needs to view his shares
in his right mind. He knows what hes doing, like
plum blossoms. He drops in the spring, like last flowers.
He references social issues like evanescence
and militaristic followers on Twitter.
His way is predicated; his argument is with tradition.
Hes a philosopher the U.S. is telling what to do.
But is there something wrong with unhappiness?
Not murder, but a prosperity too available to ideal
Americans?

America, I feel sentimental about the Iowa Writers

Workshop, whose nickname dramatically shrunk
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as a result of flourishing suppressions. In the 1950s,

they smoked marijuana every chance they got,
bringing Marx and negative sentiments into
generally motherly meetings of apologizing youth.
Now activism asserts that Communism is the real
foster mother of theory. Well, I dont give a shit
about the support for rebellion
Im an exploded hippie movement. Im an apparent
contributor to yellow wires and twisted paper:
an imaginary, in-the-closet Rose on Golden Girls.
I wont insult the brave by saying that faith is
mainly a prayer for country, but Christian America
is massive and famously hallucinogenic
when mingled with Buddhists and unconventional
or even experimentalregularity. (Psychedelic
avenues of the last Eastern mediators!)

Of course, the max a Jew can act badly is to be both

a Communist and an uncle on his mothers side.
Met Ginsberg? He, in effect, was his own hardship
Im addressing you, Ginsberg; Im breaking
the fourth wall as though America were a concept
albumand suddenly he isnt so American.
As Americans, were told to present the front of us
(like a dictator-like live culture) as we pop
for the camera, obsessed by time and dream. Mainstream style is capitalism proposing to an audience.
Corporate phrases think influence is emphasis. BS?
I read it every week.

19

(How routinely an addict is given a fake line!)

I cant say brunette without thinking of Slinkies
and candy stores, shameful enticements that are
Marilyn Monroe-like material
for every serious boy but me. Id mind becoming
American if I couldnt stare at consumers. Focus
freely on perfection and you can conform happily.
Shit. Im talking to myself again, arent I?

America, no one wants to listen to a stereotype

muttering to himself, a man on the up of society
like the Asian mystique Japan rightly feared
in early 1956. Ginsbergs fear is a written poem;
his atomizing of Vietnam a bomb dropped
suspiciously close to a stronghold he opposed.
If I express here my lack of possibility
I have no more than an ironys chance in Hell
of gaining prominence. Derogatory phrases are
our surpassing economy, so put me down
as majority rule during the corrupt, dynastic,
railroad-building era of America,
when the West Coast flooded with legislation
deeming race an inferior basic right.
It was near impossible for the American Dream
to immigrate or achieve real success.
In Ginsbergs time, America became a recession
powerhouse by manufacturing incapable
intelligence. Our new century looked, to them,
like an economic rival that had deemed them
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the previous century in terms of war assistance.

Marijuana is a mental institution for writers,
meaning that it is an institution and it is seedy.
Tangiers is the next to go, or else
my catholic ambition to be the next President
despite being a Jew. (We are latched onto
in indiscriminate references by poet-ish Jews.)
During Americas timewholly a mood
the silly litany is equivalent to a triumphant
howl, much like: Keatss fifth (or sixth) poem;
unresolved problems presented as unable to be
resolved by present problems; the party splits
among famous states of illogic; numerous falls
in America, but two in particular; absurdities
that tone down whimsy; and the suggestion that
America switch its dialect to the behavior of
the United States of America itself. (Whitman,
you purposefully avoided using this line!)

Henry Ford, your short chops killed the mass

production of strophes in industrialist poems.
Allen Ginsberg, your over-messaging is being
repeated over and over.

21

So: to America, Tom Mooney, Spanish loyalists,

the Scottsboro boys, garbanzo beans, nickel
tickets, the angelic Scott Nearing, a mensch
on the plain of Israel: let radical preparedness be
your pipe! Enter the war parade of provocateurs
trying to make anti-war! Look for flimsy prisons
that lobby for the release of old causes!
Suspect contradictory evidence of being only initial!
Pardon notable people widely agreed
to be falsely famous! Bomb 1939 into your convictions!
Fact: loyal nationalists are not loyal supporters
of the existing republic, which is led by fascist rebels
attempting to stay neutral
in the radical Orwellian watch-list war
on the apparent scum of American overthrow.
Anarchist injustice is grossly executed
by trying beliefs before a 1920s judge and jury!
Following the guarded majority
rapes anyone shot by pretty admissions
by forward black teens,
but not as much as sentencing the fair helpers
of car-wreck fights with Communist prison-yards.
Garbanzo! Garbanzo! Garbanzo! Garbanzo!
Garbanzo thugs sarcastically
or contemptuously described as real angels!

America, the (correct) impression I get from

looking in the TV set
22

is that putting my shoulder to the wheel

is nearsighted and psychopathic. But
sixteen hours a day of work? Thats no good.
America, you dont want a war with meyou dont.

23

Ten Ways to Be a Metamodern Man

I.
A metamodern man is bold, charismatic, independent, audacious,
and genius. Capturing his audience with his charisma, incredible
intellect, mastery of manipulation, and boldness of action,
he is a show-stealer who demands your reverence at every turn.

II.
When a man has been captured and incapacitated, what does he do?
Cooperate with his captor? Beg to be spared? Hell no
he makes it abundantly clear that he has absolutely no respect for his
captor. He does this by laughing at or snarking the one who beat him,
even if hes in no position to do sofor instance, in pain on the floor
or behind bars.

III.
The averagely skilled friends of the highly skilled metamodern man
may sometimes survive their encounter with a villain
because the bad guy couldnt be bothered to finish them off.
This never happens to a metamodern man: the metamodern man is,
out of respect, always finished off.

IV.
When a metamodern man is about to be devoured, he makes a comment
that amounts to demanding that his killers not enjoy their meal.

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V.
Before a metamodern man dies, he fires off a line essentially saying
Im going to die, but my fight goes on, or otherwise demonstrating
a continued defiance toward and disdain for his killer(s).

VI.
Metamodern men have a terrible tendency to die dramatically,
but will not, under any circumstances, stay dead.
This tends to cheapen their dramatic deaths to the point of them
being little more than flesh wounds.

VII.
The metamodern man is aloneexcept, perhaps, for a villain.
No one whose opinion he cares about will ever need to know
what he does next, and he knows it. And there is a useful but corrupt act
that he could commit, reaping the benefit without anyone ever knowing.
If he does not do it, the consequences will be severe, even deadly.
If a villain is present, he is urging the metamodern man to do it,
which possibly involves cleaning up any possible witnesses. Very likely,
the metamodern man is now at his darkest hour.
The stock phrase villains use in these situations is usually something like,
No one will ever know. . .

VIII.
Stock phrases are lines that get repeated often, but always carry
the same meaning each and every time theyre used.
In many cases, the metamodern man follows such phrases with,
Ive always wanted to say that. . .
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IX.
You are watching something unfold and it suddenly strikes you
that you have seen every single part of this somewhere else.
Every trope presents itself without irony or acknowledgment.
All of the situation is clipped out of another story and pasted in
as-is. You are in a clich storm. Do not worry. The pain
will soon pass. A bug will soon scrag an inept lieutenant.
Security will soon come to the perimeter. The line will soon be
held. It will be over, and soon. Remember, this is not always
a bad thing: many a clich storm is also a guilty pleasureor even,
dare I say it, exactly what the audience wanted in the first place.

X.
Some metamodern men develop reputations that just wont go away.
Maybe theyre famous for being divas; maybe theyre famous
for only playing certain roles in societyor, even worse,
only playing one role. Nobody will let them forget it. They can
struggle mightily to earn a new reputation as a decent person
who can play a variety of cultural roles,
or they can resign themselves to their fate and make a career
out of it. Adam West-ing is a form of self-parody in which
metamodern men either play themselves or a Captain Ersatz
version of themselves, or else a Captain Ersatz version
of their most famous roleand play it as a total jerkass, an idiot,
or both. More rarely,
a metamodern man will play his most notable role but in a manner
exactly opposite to the one hes most famous foryet still
as a jerkass and an idiot. While this can be an affectionate parody,
it can also be an effective way for the metamodern man
to vent his spleen against a role in society that has gotten old fast
or even ruined the metamodern mans life or career,
until the self-parody amounts to a Take that! against himself.

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A particularly bitter metamodern man will make his self-parody

a deconstruction of his old role,
explaining how it was a horrible role and nobody should emulate it.
Like all deconstruction, this can come full circle, with the actor
doing a sort of reconstructive self-parody: sure, the role was stupid,
but I enjoyed it.

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America (Second Genius Annotation)

Im sick of hearing about your band, man.

Oh, you rap too? Yeah, Im real enthused.
But you know, its a little simplistic for me:
I mean, is it a sort of visual imperative,
or a feeling that feels connected to me
but is always waiting IRL to be connected?
Your diving imagery is the most literal, dog
crashing an airplane, or dive-bombing,
or being a bird diving for prey. Horses
play a significant role. A picture of the soldiers
alluded to in these lines.
Native American chief Tamanend
and the corrupt New York Democratic party
machine of Tammany Hall.
This is clearly great fun for all concerned,
but as one of this songs top annotators,
and also a top annotator on this site,
I can say that the greatest amount of fun
comes whenever I learn something new.

I was never confronted with allegations

of fraudulent conduct, or falsifying
personal records regarding Nietzsche
not this entire event cycle. Contrast that
with the video that Hillary Clinton used
to kick off her 2016 campaign,
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which wasnt very well received by some

media outlets. And now
the amber waves of grain are turning grey
again, deer-hunting my life,
and theyre used to describe the bountiful
harvestsliteral and metaphorical
America offers its citizens. But not me
I became well-known in the United States
after appearing in a Samsung commercial.

The American Dream is 19% whites who are

alive and well, 81% whites who are suffering;
43% blacks who are alive and well, 57%
blacks who are suffering; 36% Hispanics
who are alive and well, 64% Hispanics who are
suffering; 47% Asians who are alive and well,
53% Asians who are suffering. Do you up-vote
this? Or will you suggest an improvement
to increase your IQ? Show all improvement
suggestions: e.g., a tent capable of containing
a spectrum of politics; sabermetrics; lists
of threes; a Norman soldier riding the shores
of France. Lets at least begin by agreeing that
Bernie Sanders has a D- rating from the NRA.
Non-voters are likely voters, and voters non-voters.
Obama leans Romney, Romney leans conservative,
moderate, and liberal. Sanders was added days ago
after a series of unprecedented
crises. Its worth noting that none of the candidates
29

said his name. This is an interesting thing to note

in my review of this song. Did I mention
its released alongside a second song, Gold Slugs,
featuring Chris Brown?
Oh, man, drugs have started feeling like decaf.

Regarding the duration of all these extensions,

kindred spirit: if current levels of public trust
in the government are any indication,
the group of those despairing is quite populous.
This reads like an Onion headline,
but it was kind of a tonic to write it
an excellent candidate for the blog. America is
a state in which an organism no longer responds
to a drug. Drug tolerance is broken up
into four groups: dispositional, behavioral,
metabolic, and pharmacodynamicwhich means
repeated usage causes
a critical smash, something like White Iverson.
Before I go any further, let me make an important
note: I dont think all journalism in the future
will be annotation or footnoting. If all journalism
is annotation, then what will be left to annotate
but the annotations themselves? Well, I shy away
and craft inclusive narratives, such as the Talmud
or pulling a rabbit out of a hat that has undergone
words like Kleenex or Aphrodite
in a Google search. After all, the nectar of the gods
is literally nectar itself: a goddess of pleasurable
30

sustenance. And remember that the last person

who tried to complete their studies in two years
ALMOST HAD A BREAKDOWN doing it.
So you adding there will be blood is especially
uninteresting, man, due to that being understood.

31