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Identifying bullies:
Level the playing field
Master manipulator
Identifying the bully
Visible traits
Hidden traits
Subtle signs
Toxic workplace
Fighting bullies:
Preparing to fight
Basic methods
Best responses
Tools for fighting
Useful weapons
Custom approach
Anti-bully stuff:
User comments
Wall of lists
Good books
Useful links
Copyright 2009
by Dave Chapman.
All rights reserved.
Contact
www.stormdude.com
PART TWO:
FIGHTING WORKPLACE BULLIES
Preparing Yourself to Respond
Are you ready to fight back against a bully at your job? Its tempting to
confront him immediately, now that you understand his motivations and
recognize his behaviors. But that usually isnt a good idea. It will be
difficult enough to deal with the bully without adding lack of preparation.
Thats not to say that you couldnt respond right now. It might even
work out well. Perhaps he has little power in the company, or he is
already on his way out. Or you might have another job lined up. In
these situations, your quick action could be rewarded with a dramatic
improvement in your quality of life.
But otherwise its better to hold your fire, particularly if the bully is highly
skilled and well-entrenched. Try to make the best of your situation-consider it more training for battle.
This section covers mental and financial preparation, after which you
can prepare a strategy for fighting back, covered in the next section. In
later sections, you will learn specific techniques for confronting and
exposing a bully.
Mental preparation
You are likely to experience many ups and downs as you battle a
workplace bully. To be effective, you need a resilient attitude. That will
allow you to endure difficult circumstances without feeling perpetually
overwhelmed, and will make you far more effective in your daily
interactions with the bully.
When you display a positive demeanor, it shows everyone--especially
the bully--that you arent bothered by his aggressive tactics. You may
even convey slight amusement at his more obvious bullying behaviors.
By displaying calmness and poise, and staying in good humor, you
become a more difficult target.
Going it alone
Expect to be on your own in your fight with a workplace bully, with no
support from within the company.
Do you have co-workers you consider close friends? Perhaps they will
stay loyal to you, but dont count on it. They are more likely to distance
themselves from your problems, hoping to preserve their own position
and opportunities.
It is wise to assume that management (HR department and executives)
will support the bully rather than the bullys targets. If this turns out not
to be the case, you will be pleasantly surprised.
You should also prepare for the possibility that fighting a bully will get
you fired. If you are alone in fighting a bully, management has an easy
opportunity to resolve the situation. Are you prepared to lose your job?
Do you have another job lined up? Or can you survive financially during
the time it takes to find a new job? If not, caution is prudent.
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Preparing mentally
To some extent, everything on this website is intended to help you
prepare mentally. Through knowledge of self, knowledge of the bully
and knowledge of real-world techniques, you can develop the
confidence and expertise to fight back.
Personal philosophy
A valuable first step in preparing to fight back is to develop a strong
personal philosophy about the challenge facing you, one that will
provide you with a steadfast attitude. By adopting a clear perspective
and courageous outlook on the situation, you will be better prepared to
survive even the longest battle, regardless of the ongoing successes
and failures, or the ultimate result.
Venting
Get some perspective
Prepare for the worst
Commit to see it through
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that either its just a personality conflict or that you are a negative,
disruptive influence for complaining about the bully.
You may later see these co-workers victimized by the same workplace
bully. Then they will see things your way, although it will probably be
too late to do you--or them--any good.
You should also expect some co-workers to betray you and others to
bad-mouth you behind your back. They may even blame you for
problems caused by the bully. Expect to feel a gut-wrenching loss of
trust and camaraderie, resulting in isolation from your co-workers.
You should also expect the worst from your family and friends. Dont
plan on getting any sympathy at home. If your spouse, children and
closest friends havent experienced the pain of nasty workplace
bullying, they are unlikely to understand your predicament. Because of
their lack of understanding, they may offer you ineffective advice, or
even criticize you when you most need their unconditional support.
(Asking them to look at this website could open their eyes to your
dilemma.)
Relentless bullies
At the other extreme, the bully may be relentless in his quest for power.
That means he is probably committed to either controlling you or forcing
you out of the company. If you go up against him with a halfhearted
resolve to fight, he will almost certainly prevail.
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Financial preparation
Lets face it: taking on a workplace bully can get you fired, or drive you
the point of quitting. Take some time to consider the consequences.
Are financial pressures making you desperate to hang on to your job? If
so, you will be in no position to calmly and effectively fight a bully.
So whats the solution?
You could line up a new job in advance, but your new employer will
probably want you to start within a reasonable time period. That wont
give you much opportunity to fight a bully. Still, if your company is truly
toxic and battling a bully is likely to be a futile endeavor, leaving is
probably the best answer.
On the other hand, if you believe it is worth the struggle, or if you just
want to test yourself on the battlefield, you should consider reorganizing
your finances. Then you wont be so concerned with the downside of
losing to the bully.
No griping
When you talk to prospective employers, be careful not to complain
about your current situation. Instead, explain your motivation in positive
terms. Explain that you are generally satisfied with your current job but
you are seeking to improve your prospects, that you believe they offer
more opportunity for advancement. Dont mention that you cant stand
your boss.
Try to find companies you admire, then describe that admiration as
your reason for interviewing. Alternatively, you could simply explain that
you want a job closer to home.
Networking
A highly effective method of finding good jobs is to work through your
network of friends and former co-workers. By getting a personal
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Financial independence
If your family fully supports you, or youre single with nothing to lose,
you can get serious about achieving a greater degree of financial
independence. There are many excellent books on this subject, with a
primary emphasis on more disciplined spending and saving habits, in
combination with debt reduction.
Avoiding sharks
By the time you finish preparing for the worst, you may have convinced
yourself it isnt worth the fight. Theres a very good chance thats true.
I once heard a shark expert asked: What should you do when youre
swimming in the ocean and see a shark approaching? He answered:
Get out of the water.
Sometimes the best answer is the most obvious one. Consider the
happiness of yourself and your family before taking on a powerful bully.
Maybe you can escape the situation before he pulls you under.
But if you decide to fight back, make sure you have some powerful
shark repellent handy.
Next section
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