JANUARY 4.

20

REGALLY
BLONDE
an aUdIenCe
WIth oUr moSt
rIVetInG roYaL

Not too
posh to
puNch

How to get
your son
into Eton
Warning: it
will cost you

All the money in the world

will not protect you
from domestic violence

When to
name-drop*

Who Will
iNherit
loNdoN?
The princelings
carving up the capital

Lifes
a baLL

Lily James, Downtons darling

* w i t h o u t lo o k i n g l i k e a d i c k

LINVITATION AU VOYAGE - VENICE

Download the Louis Vuitton PASS app to reveal exclusive content.

Breguet, the innovator.

The first wristwatch, 1810

With the Reine de Naples collection, a tribute to the first wristwatch

created over 200 years ago for Caroline Murat, Breguet reinvents
feminine timepieces enabling them to blossom into horological
complications, art and jewellery. As exemplified in the diamond-set
8918BR model, the Reine de Naples collection embodies a subtle blend of
expertise, elegance and precious materials. History is still being written...

A S P R E Y L O N D O N 16 7 N E W B O N D S T R E E T

L O N D O N W1S 4 AY

+ 4 4 2 0 7 3 5 5 17 3 5 W W W. B R E G U E T. C O M

E s t a b l i s h e d 1 70 9 Vo l . 3 0 9 N o . 1
t a t l e r. c o m

86
Pag e

104
Pag e

piece of
c a k e : j o l ly
super foodies

l i ly o f t h e a b b e y:
l a dy r o s e s r a c i e s t
moments

94
Pag e

m i st e r
w est m i n st e r
i n wa i t i n g

contents
photographs: camera press, marc hom, pal hansen

on the CoVeR
67 behind eVeRy*
foReign Child
at a bRitish pRiVate
sChool...
The super-tutors who are
shoehorning the children
of the overseas (very) rich
into our top public schools.
By Charlotte Edwardes

74 the aRt of
name-dRopping
So I know lots of famous
people. Whats the big
problem, asks Giles Coren
86 onCe upon
a time...
She shall go to the ball
Lily Downton Jamess
Cinderella story.
By Gavanndra Hodge
CONTINUED on page 29

94 bag youRself a

hunk of london
The ever-so-eligibles who are
set to inherit swathes of
London. By Alice Cockerell

100 blonde

ambition
Princess Michael of Kent
on courtly intrigue and the
Cambridges. By David Jenkins

122

not too
posh to punCh
Even this countrys grandest
drawing rooms can be the
scene of domestic violence.
Charlotte Edwardes reports

fEaTUrEs
104 jolly supeR

foodies
Yummy! By Luciana Bellini

110 R azzle
dazzle em
A quartet of headlinegrabbing musicals. By
Hugo Showstopper Rifkind

fashION
41 heRes

looking at...
A Brit duo making waves in
New York. By Luciana Bellini

42 dont you wish

youd woRn that?
Annabel Rivkin and Sophie
Goodwin go cruising
(*Nearly every)

cover: LILY james

p h o t o g R a p h e d by m a R C h o m
s t y l e d by d e e p k a i l e y
lily James wears coat, poa, by Valentino. silver earrings,
145, by shaun leane. For stockists, see address Book.
hair by Karin Bigler at D+V management, using loral
paris elnett styling: elnett so sleek hairspray and studio
line #tXt Volume supersizing spray. make-up
by andrew gallimore at clm hair & make-up, using
Dior airflash rouge Dior and capture totale: Dior airflash
spray Foundation in 200, Diorshow Fusion mono
eyeshadow in aventure, Diorshow Blackout mascara,
Diorblush in Beige nude, rouge Dior lipstick in
grge. nails by andrew gallimore at clm hair & make-up,
using Dior Vernis: Dior Vernis grege

TaT l er jan uary 2014

23

2013 Harry Winston, Inc. harrywinston.com

WINSTON CLUSTER WREATH NECKLACE

171 New BoNd Street LoNdoN w1S 4rd 0207 907 8800
FiNe JeweLLery room HarrodS LoNdoN Sw1X 7XL 0207 907 8899

e s t a b l i s h e d 1 70 9 Vo l . 3 0 9 n o . 1
t a t l e r. c o m

44, 46 & 48

TREND AlERTS
Lace, swimwear and
Hawaiian. By Annabel Rivkin
and Sophie Goodwin

71
Pag e

51 hAppy NEw yEAR!

Have a sparkling 2014.
By Alice Holland

THE SNOOPY &

K E N YA S H O W : S P R I N G
I N YO u R S T E P

112 ZOO

Fashions resort report.

Plus two giraffes and a lemur.
By Deep Kailey

134 whERE AM i AGAiN?

& TAkE ME hOME
High-end hotel-bathroom
products are the real steal,
say Francisca Kellett and
Francesca White

TATlER ABOUT
TOwN

59 ThE GATEkEEpERS
The 5 Hertford Street team.
By Sophia Money-Coutts

112

PHOTOGRAPHs: jusTin cAmPbell, mAsHA mel, Rex feATuRes, PAl HAnsen, 2014 PeAnuTs wORldwide llc

61 phwOAR!

Pag e

Hot rowers. With no clothes

on. Racing for charity.
Its a pleasure. By Sophia
Money-Coutts

G O W I L D I N R E S O RT
F A S H I O N AT T H E z O O

71 SpRiNG iN

yOUR STEp
Snoopy goes loopy for Kenya
Kinski. By Hayley Atkin

75 qUENTiN lETTSS

82

RESTAUR ANTS
Whats up, doc? Jeremy Wayne
hops off to the Wild Rabbit

SkETchBOOk
The Braveheart bunch:
Westminsters SNP clan

84 GADGETS

76 NOTES TO SElF; &

ThE GAMES MiSTRESS
Tart up your wrists, say
Annabel Rivkin and Sophie
Goodwin; and Emma
Kennedy on the fun of fibbing

hOME
127 NOThiNG TOO
GR AND...
Old-school Fifth Avenue
fabulosity. By Mary Dudley

78 BOOkS

BEAUTy

Kings of the coffee table.

By Sebastian Shakespeare

80 ART FOR SAlE

The best online-auction

action. By Josh Spero

Bore me no more, household

chores, says Emma Freud

133 TiME TO...

Hot to trotters,
thats me

START OvER
Oh glorious day its
Crme de la Mers New Years
revolution. By Francesca White

ONLINE
THIS MONTH

136 A GREy BEAvER

Yes, THAT beaver. How to
vanquish Pubic Enemy No. 1.
By Francesca White
139 TREATMENTS

Get your mojo running

140 My clOSE-Up &

pURiST vS hEDONiST
Alexa Chung summed up, by
Katie Thomas; and spa wars

EvERyThiNG
ElSE

lady rose (aka lily james)

52 & 130 iT liST
reveals all about behind-theTwice? Nice! By Mariella Tandy
scenes high jinks on downton
abbey at tatler.com
Its mad in
142 ZODiAc
Chelsea!
theres a pig on the loose.
Shelley von Strunckels
just dont mention sausages.
space odyssey
go to tatler.com for our
jolly super foodies shoot
145 BySTANDER
Stop-out central
get your fix of phoebelettice thompsons, right,
167 ADDRESS BOOk
made in chelsea blog at
Check it out, A to Zed-heads
tatler.com
beauty

flash addicts, rejoice.

this month we have a product
for every day on tatler.com

168 whATS iT likE...

...to be George, Lord Philip

Fitzalan-Howards meerkat.
By Deborah Feldman

wa n t u s ? n e e d u s ? s u b s c r i b e t o ta t l e r a n d w e l l g i v e y o u a p r e s e n t . . . t u r n t o p a g e 1 3 8

Tat l er P r i v i l ege Clu b

HannaH BrencHley

Tatler s new picture editor gets thrown in at the deep end,

organising our jolly fun food fight (page 104)

Whats your party trick? Laughing louder than anyone else, even
when the joke isnt funny.

What is your guilty pleasure? Pork scratchings and a pint of lager.

Which talent would you most like to have? To be able to finish a
cryptic crossword without cheating on Google.

When do you lie and how will we know? When Im hungover

but pretending not to be. Youll know by about 3pm.

Contributors
W h a t s o n t h e i r m i n d s t h i s m o n t h ?

stop, reflect
and join
the tatler
privilege club...

Hugo rifkind
Hugo on the West Ends next
surefire hit, The Coalition: The
Musical (page 110)

Whats your idea of perfect

happiness? A day on set, getting
a belly rub while everyone fusses
and coos over me.
Whats your party trick? Im an
ace jumper, but Ill only perform if
there are treats or hard cash
involved. Talent like this doesnt
come for free.

What is your party trick? I can

smoke all your ciggies really fast.
Whats your greatest
achievement? I once ran
barefoot through a jungle
carrying everything I owned,
so as not to miss a boat. And
I didnt miss it.

Who do you most look up to?

What makes you cringe?

Everyone Im a micro pig.

Rudeness. Unless its really funny.

PHOTOGRAPH: PAL HANSEN

n ew ye ars r e solution no. 1:

Boe tHe pig

Boe is always top pig when a
cameras involved (page 105)

Tat l er P r i v i l ege Clu b

... posit ive ly

hairr aising

sign up for the

tat l e r p r i v i l e g e C l u b
to d ay at
privilegeClub.tatler.Co.uk

lee pears

Tatlers deputy art director celebrates eight

years of making every page look fantastic

Whats your idea of perfect happiness?

Spending hours writing on a banana peel
its a senses thing.
Whats your party trick? I can do a perfect headstand.
If you were an animal, what would you be? A bear.

When do you lie and how will we know?

Impossible I turn as red as a tomato.

Contributors
W h a t s o n t h e i r m i n d s t h i s m o n t h ?

pal Hansen

MasHa Mel

Pal photographs our flipping

good foodies (page 104)

Masha photographs the

worlds most fashionable
giraffes (page 112)

Whats your party trick? I can

down a pint in four seconds and
whistle like a bird (though not at
the same time).

Which talent would you most

like to have? Id love to know

Who do you most look up to?

Who do you most look up to?

how to hypnotise mean people.

Nelson Mandela.

All those hardworking bees.

What makes you cringe?

If you were an animal, what
would you be? An eagle but

What makes you cringe? dirt.

How will we know when youre
lying? My eyes get more blue.
What is your favourite place?

not a bald one.

My wardrobe.

Ryanair.

PHOTOGRAPHS: dAN bURN-fORTI, PAL HANSEN

Do you want
discounts on your
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invitations to
fabulous Tatler
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every month)
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pinged directly
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Of course you
do youre only
human. We only
ask the very best
people to join.

Searching
for city
glamour?

EDITOR KATE REARDON

Editors assistant and events manager JENNIFER GEORGE

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Managing editor BEATRIZ CHOI
Associate editor GERRI GALLAGHER
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ART

Art director CLARE FERGUSON

Deputy art director LEE PEARS
Picture editor HANNAH BRENCHLEY
Deputy picture editor EVE JONES

FEATURES

Features editor SOPHIA MONEY-COUTTS

Travel editor FRANCISCA KELLETT
Restaurant critic JEREMY WAYNE
Books critic SEBASTIAN SHAKESPEARE
Art critic JOSH SPERO
Gadgets critic EMMA FREUD
Fun editor EMMA KENNEDY
Features assistant LUCIANA BELLINI

COPY

Copy chief IAN RAMSEY

Production editor MARIA HODSON
Senior sub-editor JOHN HANEY

FASHION

Fashion director DEEP KAILEY

Fashion editor-at-large ANNA BROMILOW
Style editor SOPHIE GOODWIN
Watches and jewellery editor ALICE HOLLAND
Executive retail editor MARIELLA TANDY
Bookings editor TOMASINA LEBUS
Senior fashion assistant AILSA MILLER
Fashion assistants EMMA SIMMONDS, LUCINDA TURNER

BEAUTY

Beauty editor FRANCESCA WHITE

Beauty assistant KATIE THOMAS

BYSTANDER

Social editor TIBBS JENKINS

Photographer HUGO BURNAND

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SUPPLEMENTS

Art director TARDEO AJODHA

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CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

Chief contributing editors ANNA SCOTT CARTER, NICOLA FORMBY

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new
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PA to publishing director JESSICA HISLOP

Associate publisher CLARE SCHIFANO

Projects director EMMA SAMUEL
Account director EMMA HEUSER
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Fashion account director ISOBEL M c MAHON
Account manager KATHERINE PITCHER
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Copywriter, promotions HATTIE WEST
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PROPERTY
Group property director FIONA FORSYTH

RESEARCH
Marketing director JEAN FAULKNER
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Circulation director RICHARD KINGERLEE
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Production director SARAH JENSON
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Deputy managing director ALBERT READ

MANAGING DIRECTOR

NICHOLAS COLERIDGE

CHAIRMAN, COND NAST INTERNATIONAL

JONATHAN NEWHOUSE

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Fa sh ion
misha wears wool crew-neck jumper, 248; tweed peplum wrap skirt, 235, both by nonoo. shoes & jewellery, her own. alexander wears own clothes. hair & make-up by riad azar.

Edited by SOPhiE GOOdWiN

heres
looking aT

alexander
gilkes &
misha nonoo
When Alexander and Misha first met,
she thought he was gay and probably
German and he thought she was the
most obnoxious teenager hed ever
encountered. So it was love at first
sight, says Alexander. Ten years later
and 18 months into married life,
New Yorks most sartorially savvy
British couple are taking BFG-sized
strides in the citys art and fashion
scenes. Old Etonian Alexander, 34,
launched his online auction house
Paddle8 there in 2011, recently
brought Princess Eugenie on board
and has just opened a London office,
while Misha, 27, started her fashion
label Nonoo the same year its slick
tailoring and rad shoulder pads are
a hit with Gwyneth Paltrow and pal
Pippa Middleton. The pair try not to
bring work home to the Greenwich
Village flat they share with their puppy,
Thatcher (yes, as in Margaret blame
the boozy lunch they had the day
they named her). Their Venetian
wedding last year was an insane
three-day fun-fest, culminating in
a 4am cake fight, and their dinner
parties descend into similar silliness.
Were serious hoarders, and our
recent obsession is hats, says Misha.
By the end of every party theyre
strewn all over the place. And all
over the guests. Luciana Bellini

photographed by STEVE SchOFiELd

Dont you wish

youD worn that?

olivia palermo in andrew gn

tKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

lily aldridge in michael Kors

carey mulligan in alexander mcqueen

So were cruising into cruise, which isnt obtusely boat

shoes, oilskins and lifejackets that somehow take pounds and
years off you. No, its about cruising from winter into
spring with little regard for the elements but with high regard
for emerging trends. This is where designers road-test
next-season ideas, where you find the accessible gear, the
stuff that hasnt been made challenging by the threat of a
catwalk. Its ready-to-wear made easy-to-wear. For a change.
So. Though it may be Baltic outside, the sun always
shines on the red carpet and thus these birds can go
tittuping along, giving us a potted glimpse of what lies in
store. Aaaaaand: we have a bolt of Pepto-pink, a dash of
lace, more midriff madness and p-p-p-prints, both graphic
and splattery. This is your passport to the future... Even
if you dont choose to shop it, you can talk about it (we
suggest a slightly imperious tone and a knowing lisp or a
transatlantic inflection), which is surely half the fun? AR

tKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

cruise

photographs: rex features, press association

diane Kruger in prabal gurung

Keira Knightley in mary Katrantzou

rose byrne in christopher Kane

scarlett johansson in roland mouret

stella mccartney in stella mccartney

Fa sh ion

Fa sh ion
PIN-UP

lace dress, 2,050,

by elie saab, at
harrods

lace bag,
915, by
dolce &
gabbana

Too shy to knock

on the door
of that house,
but I REALLY
need the loo.

lace
dress,
1,750, by
erdem, at
matches

lace toP, 928;

lace trousers,
928, both by
giambattista valli

rose-gold & diamond

cuff, 28,703, by
etername

leather &
lace shoes,
750, by
givenchy by
riccardo
tisci

Its lace, Jim, but not as we know it. Its gone every which
way but trad. Michael Kors has laced up a sort of sexy
dental-technician situation, while Carolina Herrera has
luxed up a dustcoat. Ingnue laces in acid colours have
popped their way into our lives. Erdem can always be relied
upon to be ladylike but even his white lace has a hard,
monochrome edge. There is doily-heavy macram; spiderwebby, loose, peasant lace; sheer show-your-knickers,
barely-there gossamer; and freshly airy stuff that borders
on broodier anglaise. Anytime, any lace. AR

44 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

lace dress,
1,895, by
burberry

still-lifes: Psc. PhotograPhs: luis monteiro & saakshi mathur/conde nast archive

Saving lace

carolina herrera resort 2014

lace dress,
1,168, by dolce
& gabbana

lace toP, 1,213;

leather belt, 220;
lace trousers,
1,305, all by
michael kors

givenchy by riccardo tisci resort 2014

burberry resort 2014

dior resort 2014

lace
dress,
2,075, by
chloe

Fa sh ion

PIN-UP

Who says you cant be

crazy in monochrome?
Im mad, I am...

355, by lA PerlA,
at net-A-Porter

225, by Agent
ProvocAteur
145, by
Violet
lake

167, by dolce
& gAbbAnA
485, by
chAnel

166, by
MichAel
Kors

You know all those lovely old kaftans youve got tucked in your
holiday drawer? And the sarongs that date back to post-GCSE
summer-freedom breaks? And the boho sandals that were the last
word when Sienna Miller was dating Jude Law? Well with
respect none of the aforementioned are going to win you any
fashion points. Until now. Because a monochrome or cut-away
swimsuit acts as a cure-all updater. Even if you dont find it
easy or pretty, know that itll make you the coolest bitch on the
beach. Wear it with any old rag. Doesnt matter. It can also be
tremendously flattering and there are worse things that could
be said about swimwear now, arent there? AR

46 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

355, by norMA
KAMAli, at
net-A-Porter

still-lifes: psc. photographs: ed miles/conde nast archive

335, by
hermes

norma kamali resort 2014

Swimwear

150, by
rAlPh
lAuren
blue lAbel

jason wu resort 201413/14

herve leger resort 2014

chanel resort 2014

190, by
KArlA
colletto

210, by
MelissA
odAbAsh

Fa sh ion
silk shirt,
455; silk
trousers, 655,
both by Gucci

cotton shirt, 230; cotton &

viscose shorts, 320, both by
carven, at harvey nicholS

suede sandals,
1,230, by
GiuSeppe zanotti,
at Stylebop

tweed &
satin dress,
4,645, by
JaSon Wu, at
MontaiGne
Market

PIN-UP

F*** its hot

cotton-Jacquard
skirt, 570; cottonJacquard top, 610;
cotton belt, 170;
all by Marni

cotton &
viscose
dress, 755,
by Jonathan
SaunderS,
at MatcheS

48 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

embeLLished
siLk dress,
3,935, by
Prada

marni resort 2014

Sometimes designers take concepts and reinvent them,

deconstruct them, postmodernise them and repackage them.
But the fully hula kitsch of the Hawaiian print has been left
intact, harnessed and injected into this seasons collections. True,
actual Hawaiian pimp shirts have been swerved, but only just
we can seeeeee yoooooou, Jonathan Saunders. The palm frond
sways through palazzo pants (quite Love Boat-ish in themselves)
and skater skirts; the hibiscus flower blossoms on playsuits,
flourishes on pencil skirts and blooms on shorts. Tropical suns
rise over cocktail dresses, and Gucci has gone almost trippily
psychedelic. The palette is sickly and DayGlo, the mood playful
but knowing. These are clothes to drink cocktails in. AR

fausto puglisi resort 2014

Hawaiian

still-lifes: psc, sudhir pithwa. photograph: kristian schuller/conde nast archive

Leather bag,
1,350, by
Prada

jonathan saunders resort 2014

jason wu resort 2014

leather
earrings,
170, by
prada

Je w el l ery
H bracelets, 3,100
each, by nourbel
& le cavalier.
A brooch, 10,600,
by h stern, at
harrods.
p necklace, 1,270;
bangle, 4,600,
both by louis
vuitton.
p necklace, 3,770,
by noor fares;
bracelet, 1,028, by
fiya, at kabiri.
Y bracelet, 690,
by carolina
bucci, at browns.
N necklace, 3,725,
by marco bicego,
at nigel milne.
E earrings, from
1,805, by sophie
bille brahe, at
dover street
market.
w earrings,
74,500, by jessica
mccormack.
Y necklace, poa,
by etername.
E bracelet, 6,375;
ring, 2,210, both
by saint laurent
by hedi slimane.
A pendant, poa,
by sybarite.
r necklace, 790,
by fiya, at kabiri.
! earrings, 995;
earrings, 650,
both by
annoushka
stArs
clockwise
from top left,
brooch, 3,500,
by h stern, at
harrods. brooch,
2,100, by h stern,
at harrods. two
hair slides, from
4,200, by jessica
mccormack.
earring, 7,365 for
pair, by noor
fares, at matches.
earrings, 5,500,
by h stern, at
harrods. earring
by noor fares,
as before

Edited by ALIce HOLLAND

Photographed by SIMON VINALL

TaT l er jan uary 2014

51

PeaRls
alOUd

Owning these South Sea pearl

and diamond earrings,
POA, by Yoko London will
make you a better person.
Fact. yokolondon.com

MiaOW
faCtOR

If theres one thing to put the kibosh

on the January blues, its this Tyler
Alexandra croc tote, 9,500. Instant
joy guaranteed. tyleralexandra.com

Here, kitty kitty!

Wait, youre not a real cat
youre a pair of feline
headphones, 72, designed
by DVF in collaboration
with super-hot New
York DJ Harley Viera
Newton, all inspired
by Marmite, Harleys cat.
selfridges.com

We had the most perfect dream the

other night that Tom Ford had
started selling 12 different coloured
lipsticks in one box. If only it
would come true... *SCREAMS!*
Its 347 at harrods.com

WRisty
bUsiness

At what point can a girl say she

has enough hand-engraved
emerald and diamond cuffs
in yellow and white gold?
Never, is the answer so huge
relief all round, then, that
Buccelatti has produced
this bracelet, POA. There
is, quite simply, no reason
for you to go without.
buccellati.co.uk

JaCket
ReQUiRed

Bet youre wondering how

we knew about this kids
Levis jacket, 90. Well,
we heard it through
the grapevine. levis.com

sPa tRek

The lovely thing about gorging like a

ravenous beast over Christmas is that
you can undo it all by visiting Gleneagles
for a spot of naturopathy and colonic
hydrotherapy. That means you can start
the year with more than a clean
conscience, if you know what we mean.
Consultation and treatment plus lunch in
the spa, from 125. gleneagles.com

520T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

its a date

Telling the time just got

extremely glamorous, thanks
to TAG Heuers Aquaracer
a new supreme being of a
watch in rose-gold and steel
with diamonds, 4,500.
Look at its pretty face. Its
elegant arms. Its enough to
make you want to ask for its
autograph. tagheuer.co.uk

MOVE COLLECTION - Gold & diamonds

Available at HARRODS and selected ne jewellers nationwide.

For further information please visit :

www.messika-paris.com

You know what goes

really well with
champagne? Pancakes.
Good news, then, that
Koffmans at the
Berkeley, SW1, will
be hosting the Krug
Kreperie until
mid-January. Glass of
Krug and a crepe, 35.

It tAKeS tWo, BABy

KeePS oN GIVING

Obviously, an Empress white-gold, diamond and

sapphire cuff, POA, by Mappin & Webb is a
wonderful thing and wed be terribly happy to get
one. But what about the wrist that is left gazing
jealously at the sparkling winter coat its
counterpart is wearing? The solution is to buy one
for each. Just sayin. mappinandwebb.com

Its so depressing when Christmas is over. If

only Chanel had a Christmas collection we
could still buy, with a scarlet-red lipstick
and nail varnish and a range of lovely
eyeshadows... Hang on... Lipstick, 15; nail
varnish, 18; eyeshadow, 48. chanel.com

youre
my
hero

This would make

such a fabulous
present for Batman
during the cold
weather, because
its so much warmer
than rubber. But
the great thing
about this wool
cape, 299, by
Leon Max is that
its not just for
superheroes. Real
people can own it
too. maxstudio.co.uk

tIme to ShINe

Sucker for fine jewellery? Well, magpie, flap your

little wings over to Harrods and lose yourself in its
enormous new space on the ground floor,
brimming with bespoke pieces by Herms and
Dior. And theres a dedicated bridal boutique by
Garrard, twinkling with one-off numbers like
this Tudor Rose diamond ring, POA. harrods.com

540T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

hot ShotS

You cant possibly go out in that

shooting kit you need this
one by Holland & Holland:
cape, 650; moleskin breeks,
450; mossberry stockings:
295; pheasant-print shirt,
225. hollandandholland.com

ceSt SI BoN

YSL is clearly in the mood for lamour with its

Parisian Nite palette, 29.50, complete with a heart
of adorableness. (Only available when you buy a
Touche Eclat. Which you will do, obviously.) ysl.com

This white-gold,
amethyst and tsavorite
Cosmopolitan cocktail
ring by Mallory,
1,500, is even better
than the actual cocktail
and thats a sentence
we never thought wed
ever hear ourselves say.
mallory-jewellers.com

SNoW BLINDer

This is terribly civilised. If you book your

skiing hols with Powder Byrne to the
Valbella Inn in Lenzerheide, Switzerland,
you travel on its own private flight from
Heathrow. Seven nights B&B, from 2,501
a person, including flights, transfers and full
Powder Byrne service. powderbyrne.com

HOUSE OF FRASER

COVENT GARDEN

CANARY WHARF

HARRODS

SELFRIDGES & CO

VICTORIA QUARTER

FENWICKS

OXFORD STREET, WESTFIELD

LONDON

LONDON

LONDON, GATWICK

LONDON, BIRMINGHAM, MANCHESTER

LEEDS

BRENT CROSS

TEL. 0844 800 3752

TEL. 0207 379 5320

TEL. 0207 516 0347

TEL. 0207 730 1234

TEL. 0207 318 7785

TEL. 0113 245 1395

TEL. 0208 202 8200

FOR MORE STOCKISTS VISIT :

p h o t o : John swannell

lowndes street, london, sw1, 020 3539 8738, nevena.co.uk

bespoke. by appointment only

A bou t To w n
photographed by MARK COCKSEDGE

GROOMING BY NEUSA NEvES

The GATeKeePeRS
Look, its the A-Team! No, not that one. Robin Birleys A-team. These are the five most important people in London, the ones you must impress and
befriend before even thinking about entering the portals of 5 Hertford Street. Between them they have... Well, it would be indiscreet to reveal just
how many years of experience they have at previous Birley clubs, but its literally hundreds. Over 100, anyway. Claude Achaume, far right, the manager
of the private dining room, caught One Direction trying to slip in last year. A forthright Frenchman, he took one outraged look at their jeans and
trainers and explained that indeed there was only one direction for them back onto the cold cobbles of Shepherd Market. But I wrote them a little
note afterwards, he chuckles. Behind him stands Bridget Maffei, who once held sway over the ladies loos at Annabels and now does the same
at Loulous. Sitting is Alfredo Crivellari, who works alongside the manager of Loulous and is unofficially the team joker. Im a natural beauty! he
insists as the groomer for this shoot advances with a brush. Finally, theres Michael Birri and his son Mark. Michael, pit boss of the courtyard, feels as
strongly as Claude about the dress code. He didnt approve of The Rolling Stones taking over Loulous after their Hyde Park gig in the summer (too
many trainers and baseball caps) and had to ask Sir Ian McKellen to remove his beanie twice in one night. He sighs. Sir Ian then stuck it on my head.
Mark, meanwhile, stands at the door. Hes your first and biggest hurdle, and is only only fractionally smaller than the Jolly Green Giant. So
brush your hair and tuck in your shirt. Otherwise, youre done for. Sophia Money-Coutts

A bou t Tow n

PhwOar!

This is not gratuitous nakedness. Oh no. These chaps are racing in the Talisker
Whisky Atlantic Challenge completely in the nude. Something to do with
chafing, apparently. The dolphins will get a shock. By Sophia Money-Coutts
Will North and
Dan Howie

Photographed by
JEAN GOLDSMITH

AtlAntic Row 2013

Right this second, while you idle thing sit reading, 21 valiant
teams of rowers are battling it out in a charitable race across the
Atlantic (from the Canaries to Antigua) that will take them
anywhere between 40 and 90 days to finish. But why are these
two fellows standing on the Putney riverbank, protecting their bits
with an oar? you ask. The answer is that they, along with all the
other teams, will largely be TOTALLY NAKED for the duration
of the race (clothes are ill-advised because the salty water makes
them chafe, see). Will North, a headhunter, and Dan Howie,

a chartered surveyor, both 28, are raising money for three charities
Cancer Research UK, Leukaemia/Lymphoma Research and
St Annas childrens home and school in Ghana. Theyve been
friends since their days at Oxford Brookes, although theyre about
to become much, much closer. Thankfully, theyre each taking a
sheepskin to protect their perky bottoms, along with 40 bottles of
SPF50, and 5,000 baby wipes (well leave it to you to work out what
the wipes are for). And an iPod is a must to belt out a power-hour
singalong every day, adds Dan. ]

TaT l er jan uary 2014

61

A bou t Tow n
Viscount Melville, James Glasson,
Henry Brett and Fergus Scholes

AtlAntic Polo teAm

Dont be fooled. This lot might look stern, but in real
life theyre the jokers of the pack. Polo players by day,
theyre approaching the challenge of raising money for
childrens charity Right to Play with all the swagger of
a high-goal Argie. Bobby, Viscount Melville, 29,
wants to take along his ukulele; Fergus Scholes, 30,
is bringing a Santa hat for Christmas Day; James

62 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

Glasson, 39, is smuggling on a bottle of whisky; and

Henry Brett, 38, former captain of the England polo
team, says he has a cunning plan up his sleeve in case
the team are stranded on a desert island. Ive watched
a bit of Bear Grylls, he tells us, so I reckon I can
kill a snake, eat the inside and store water in its skin.
Sounds like theyll all be fine, then.

A bou t Tow n
Row2RecoveRy
Military heroes Cayle Royce and Scott Blaney, both 27, are
para-rowers who were injured while serving in Afghanistan. Theyre
embarking on the high seas with Captains James Kayll, 31, and
Mark Jenkins, 34, to raise money for three military charities
Help for Heroes, the Endeavour Fund and Row2Recovery. They will
all eat 6,000 calories of dried food a day (and still lose over a stone
each), row and sleep on a two-hour on-off rota and have to get used

to taking their morning constitutional in a bucket in front of each

other. But its the chance to give something back to two soldiers
who have given so much over recent years, says James. And when
they reach the Caribbean? I intend to sample the local beer
extensively, says Cayle. Thats the Army spirit. (
Go to taliskerwhiskyatlanticchallenge.com to read more about the teams
and support their respective charities.

GROOMING BY NATALIE JAMES, USING MAC PRO AND KIEHLS

Cayle Royce, James

Kayll, Scott Blaney
and Mark Jenkins

64 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

Murano Collection
18 carat gold

A bou t Tow n

Be hin d eve ry*

for e ig n child at
a British
private school ...
photographed by catherine losing. set design by zena may hendrick.

... is a very expensive tutor. Charlotte Edwardes on the

specialists ushering the worlds princelings into our classrooms

n St Petersburg, Russia, its 6.30pm.

Nickys head is on the desk. Richard
Rhodes, his tutor, is trying to coax him
to do one last sum. Nicky is preparing for
the 8+ to Westminster Under School and
Colet Court, two top-ranking prep schools in
London. Nickys parents believe that England
offers the best education in the world, according
to Richard, 23, a Cambridge graduate. If and
when Nicky gets in, the family, who have made
their billions in industry, will move 1,300
miles to Knightsbridge.
They are far from alone. Russians are the
fastest-growing national group at British private
schools, according to the Independent Schools
Council (jumping from 3.9 per cent of overseas
children in 2007 to 8.3 per cent in January
2013). According to an ISC spokeswoman: The
most significant areas of growth in the past
year are from Russia (27.4 per cent), Nigeria
(16.3 per cent) and China (5.45 per cent).

*NEARLY EVERY

Photographed by CATHERINE LOSING

We expect those numbers to increase.
Theres an explosion in educational tourism,
says Will Stadlen of Holland Park Education,
which offers consultations, tutoring and exam
testing from 60 an hour. It has seen a 95 per
cent increase in business in the past two years,
a quarter of it from Russia. Quintessentially,
the concierge service founded by Ben Elliot,
nephew of the Duchess of Cornwall,
recently opened an education section to deal
specifically with the increase in demand
from predominantly international clients.
International clients will pay anything from
1,000 to 40,000 to get their child through
an exam, says Woody Webster of Bright Young
Things, which specialises in exam preparation.
And the English system is all about passing
exams. His company has around 1,000 clients
a year; about half are from overseas (15 per cent
from Russia and the former Eastern Bloc).
These parents dont want a weekly hour of

extra maths. They want high-intensity tutoring

sometimes six hours a day, six days a week.
These families dont see the logic in free
time, says Ryan Walker, 23, a Russian and
German graduate from Bristol. He earns
1,000 a week as a tutor with Bruton Lloyd,
an agency that specialises in helping Russian
and ex-Eastern Bloc families. Our clients seek
an English product no tutors with strong
regional accents, preferably from London or
the south. We cater for whatever they need to
get into a school, including tutors like Richard
Rhodes, who will relocate to Russia to home
school the candidates, or a full-time tutor
for the holidays.
Ben Cowley, 33, who has been tutoring two
boys from Ukraine for three years, says theres
a tradition of rich Russian families employing
tutors: Look at Chekhov theres always the
character of the tutor. He works for a
phenomenally rich and famous family and ]
TaT l er jan uary 2014

67

tu to r s
Cr ib s h e e t
I N T E R N AT I O N A L
C L I E N T BA S E
Quintessentially Education
29 Portland Place, W1
(quintessentiallyeducation.com;
0845 474 7294)
Keystone Tutors
5 Blythe Mews, W1
(keystonetutors.com; 020 7602 5310)
Holland Park Tuition
hollandparkeducation.com
London: 020 7034 0800
Dubai: 00 971 43 608945
Bright Young Things Tuition
London: 16 Yarmouth Place, W1
(020 3582 2131)
Oxford: 52 Cornmarket Street
(brightyoungthings.co.uk;
01865 920620)
Bonas MacFarlane Education
2 Vicentia Court, Bridges Court
Road, SW11 (bonasmacfarlane.
co.uk; 020 7223 2794)
Dee Francken Education
Consultant
info@deefrancken.com

R U S S I A N C L I E N T BA S E
Bruton Lloyd Educational
Consultants
43 Berkeley Square, W1
(brutonlloyd.com; 020 7493 5875)
Llewellyn Educational
Consultancy
25 Redcliffe Gardens, SW10
(llewellyneducation.co.uk; 07776
256225 / 020 7351 4978)
Irina Shumovitch School
Placement Service
irina.shumovitch@btinternet.com;
07811 820205

C h I N E S E C L I E N T BA S E
BE Education
1111 Changshou Road,
Shanghai 200042
(behk.org; 00 86 21 3360 7080)

68 t a t l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

[is paid 250 a day. He

travels the world by private
jet. He teaches literature
and languages, and helps with pronunciation
we do Round the ragged rock, the ragged
rascal ran like Henry Higgins. They have a
separate tutor for maths and sciences. He says
that a lot of middle-class English people sneer
at the nouveau-riche Russians, Chinese and
Americans and theyre snobby about them
sending their children to classy schools.
Rhidian Llewellyn, who runs Llewellyn
Educational Consultancy, a company that
helps place Russian children at British
boarding schools, is absolutely manic at the
moment. As an ex-housemaster at the Dragon
in Oxford and the former head of Papplewick
in Ascot, he has four decades of experience
with the difficult-to-get-into public schools.
The Russians I work with love the traditional
values at English schools, he says. And its not
just the academic reputation there is the
social cachet too. The address book starts here.
Obviously, I know the schools well and Id
like to think if I strongly support a candidate
they will listen.
Llewellyn will
usually suggest
children do a couple
of years at a top prep
school: It makes a
huge difference to their chances in the exams.
If the child is older, or perhaps not
academically prepared enough, he sends them
to Will Orr-Ewing of Keystone Tutors.
Llewellyn is disinclined to reveal his fees, but
the vast majority is payment by result.
China and Hong Kong still lead the way in
terms of numbers of children sent to school in
England. The go-to fixer in Shanghai is William
Vanbergen, an old Etonian who runs BE
Education, a small consultancy and tutoring
service with over 1,000 students on its books.
Vanbergen promises to secure entrance to
the best public schools. Once, 99 per cent
of parents would ask for Eton, he says. Now
its Harrow, Charterhouse, Winchester
and Wellington too. Vanbergens role is
straightforward: to get boys in. Its an
investment: most families have only one
child to look after the family business.
Having had their IQ, maths and English
tested, the child will undergo an assessment
interview to find where weaknesses lie and
Vanbergen will send them for tutoring (he
dismisses the big hourly rates an Oxford
professor will teach maths for 50 an hour,
so why pay huge sums?). BE Education
also runs a school in China called Oxford
International College, where staff teach rugby
and rowing (were building a boathouse that

will make Eton jealous) and candidates take

summer schools at Eton and Charterhouse,
where they study British history and politics
and about Shakespeare. And perhaps they
will visit Chelsea FC and HMS Victory.
If theyre completely green, we might teach
basic politeness in a Western context, he
adds, such as not spitting on the floor. While
some advice is free, BE has a sliding scale of
fees from 5,000 to 50,000 for a premium
service of intensive tutoring, interview
preparation and hand-holding, where a
consultant will travel with families to the
UK often by private jet, staying in fine hotels
and tour the schools for interviews. Students
taking Oxbridge interviews have a whole
week of intensive training and one-to-one
mock interviews.
Unlike his Chinese competitors, Vanbergen,
as the only Brit offering this service in
Shanghai, can offer specialist advice: like the
fact that Stowe, in Buckinghamshire, has been
given an equestrian centre and may appeal to
talented riders. We had one kid who went
on a year out to play polo in Argentina aged
15, before going
to Harrow so he
could join their
polo team, he says.
Now hes going
on to Oxbridge.
The increased competition at secondaryschool level is now so eye-watering that it has
produced a knock-on effect, with parents
looking to the junior schools so their children
will automatically be accepted at 11+. This
route is known as the back door. However,
junior schools assess too some at 4+ and 5+,
but mostly at 7+ and 8+, and those points of
entry are becoming increasingly competitive.
So tutoring drops to a younger age. I call it
hothouse and hustle, says Alexia Maclean,
who currently tutors a six-year-old taking the
7+ to a famous girls-school feeder this winter.
Shes at one of Londons most expensive
schools, says Maclean. But its not academic
enough, so I top it up for 500 a week.
Maclean says that most parents who contact
her are American, with French as a close
second. Boatered and blazered, her charge
waits on the chequerboard steps of the
stucco-fronted school, scratching an itchy
ankle with a polished Mary Jane. After school,
we do maths and English. She practises violin,
plays chess and reads before bed. On Saturdays
she attends French school. Her mother keeps
up with that system too. Ultimately, she wants
her to go to St Pauls Girls at 11.
Non-selective schools are no less easy,
however, especially where theres the added
Continued on page 143
gloss of famous

Its not just the academic

reputation of UK schools
its the social cachet too

previous page, StRaW BOateR, 85, BY BateS. BLazeR, fROM 21, BY JOhn LeWiS. SiLk tie, 39.95, at haRRODS. this page, LeatheR SatCheL, 108, BY the CaMBRiDGe SatCheL COMPanY

A bou t Tow n

H ARRODS - L UXURY

HOME

1, S ECOND F LOOR

SILVER MOMENTS

SILVER TIME COLLECTION

It was an earthquake when you met,

Heres a stone to keep it steady.
Promise BY KIM

London, 4344 New Bond Street, T. 020.7493 2299

At the best addresses in Germany
and in London, Paris, Madrid, Vienna, New York and Beijing. www.wempe.com
Set the emotions with a brilliant sign:
Promise BY KIM solitaire rings, from 885.

A bou t Tow n

Woof
woof!

featuring

snoopy
Kenya Kinski is the daughter of Nastassja
Kinski and Quincy Jones. Snoopy is
the coolest dog in history (and the star of
Rodniks new Peanuts collection).
So you can just imagine how much
fun they had together. ]

Photographed by
JUStiN CaMPBell

Styled by Hayley atKiN

TaT l er jan uary 2014

71

A bou t Tow n

Hair by ryan ricHman, usinG oribe. make-up by desirae cHerman for armani
cosmetics/tracymattinGly.com. fasHion assistant, anGie bauer

I love you
so much i
bought the
t-shirt

previous page, kenya

wears jersey dress, 129,
by rodnik x peanuts,
at selfridges. cotton
cap, 59, by rodnik x
peanuts x neW era, at
selfridges. sequin baG,
by rodnik x peanuts.
sHoes, stylists own
THis page, sequin
dress, 799, by rodnik x
es..
peanuts, at selfridges
tiGHts, poa, by rodnik x
ettY pollY,
peanuts x prettY
pollY,
oes,
at selfridges.. s
sHoes,
as before. snoopy &
oodstock wear own
woodstock
clotHes. for stockists,
see address book

720T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

2014 peanuts worldwide llc

33 alBemarle sTreeT, mayfair, lOndOn Wis 4BP

Tel. 020 7629 5616
WWW.BUccellaTi.cO.Uk/eTerniTy

As I was
saying to Bing
last week...

Vice President John Nance Garner and

President Franklin D Roosevelt, 1938

THE ART OF
NAME-DROPPING

Just do it with panache, says Giles Coren

am not a name-dropper. I am just an

honest, likeable fellow with none of the
insecurities that lead people to pepper
their conversation with famous names
in the hope of somehow persuading you that
they are more interesting than they are. If you
ask me what I did on a recent Sunday, for
example, I am going to tell you quite honestly,
but in a way that wont make you feel small,
insignificant, provincial or left out.
I went to a party at a friends house, as it
happens, where I bumped into two of my
brothers-in-law. I played ping-pong against a
nice chap while his wife and her friend watched
from the sofa, went outside for a ciggie with a
bloke I know from work, bumped into a couple
I once went to Venice with, then chatted with
two rather camp fellows I know only socially
and left about 10pm, just as a young man with
a silly haircut was arriving in a blacked-out 4x4.
There. Im just a normal chap like you. I dont
want you to think my life is any more glamorous
or relevant than your own. Which is why Id
have nothing to gain by telling you that the
people in that paragraph were, in fact, Jimmy
Carr, David Mitchell, Alexander Armstrong,
Jamie Redknapp, Louise Redknapp, Abbey
Clancy, Jeremy Clarkson, Matthew Freud,
Elisabeth Murdoch, David Walliams, Dale
Winton and Harry Styles. So I wont.

74 T A T L E R J A N U A R Y 2 0 1 4

And anyway, I dont know Jimmy all that well.

Only met him at a little supper at my sisters last
year. It was just her and David Mitchell (her
husband) and Jimmy and his partner Karoline
and us, having a spot of sups. No one else apart
from David Baddiel and Morwenna Banks.
Oh, and Charles Saatchi and Nigella.
Look, sorry. But what am I supposed to do?
I dont know anybody who isnt famous. Even
my dad was famous. I spent my childhood
being told, whenever I mentioned him, to stop
showing off. If I said, My dad has a blue car,
the whole class would shout, We dont care that
your father is on television, Coren, we hate you!

So I learned that its best to keep schtum.

Which is why I never told anyone about that
trip to Venice with Matt and Liz, on their
plane, with Clarkson, to have lunch at Harrys
Bar with Alexander and Evgeny Lebedev.
Because youd only think I was boasting. And
youd want to know how we got a table for
12 people at such short notice. And Id have to
tell you that Harvey sorted it. And youd ask,
Harvey who? And Id have to say Weinstein,
and that really wouldnt do.
Because dropping is just not on, as James
Corden said to me only the other day at a party
Richard Bacon and I gave for our toddlers. It
just leads to misunderstandings. Like when, for
example, I was chatting to a chap called Hal
about 15 years ago, boasting that Id just met
Zoe Ball and what a hot chick she was, and how
she was definitely up for it, and he said, I dare
say. And then a mutual friend (the writer and
documentary-maker, Jon Ronson, as it happens)
whispered in my ear, Hal is Zoes boyfriend.
Famous people drop too, of course, but that
doesnt make it classy. Look at Piers Morgan or at
dear, departed, darling Michael Winner. I dont
know why they do it, or what they think they
have to gain. The first time I met Al Pacino, he
told me a long story about Jack Nicholson that
I thought was just plain weird. I was thinking
to myself, F*****!!! Im talking to Al Pacino!
but Al clearly thought the way to impress me
was by dropping the Jack bomb. Good old Al.
Such a modest guy, do you know him?
And in the echelon above famous people,
you get powerful people. And they do much
more interesting things with famous names
than merely ornament their repartee with
them. At a party at Matt and Lizs one
Christmas (where I get all my best dropping
material), Matt spotted me making my fourth
pass at the caviar bar, took me by the shoulders
and said, Giles, have you ever tried social
bungee-jumping? Social bungee-jumping,
I said, through a mouthful of beluga. Whats
that? Matt spun me round, black eggs still

B E ST N A M E TO D RO P W H I L E
IN THE
GUINNESS
TENT AT
CHELTENHAM
Lord Vestey,
Robert
Waley-Cohen
or the Queen.

AT ANY
OPENING
MEET ACROSS
BRITAIN
South
Shropshire
huntsman Otis
Ferry or the
Queen.

IN THE
CRESTA RUN
CLUBHOUSE,
DRINKING
BULLSHOTS
Record-holder
Lord Wrottesley
or the Queen.

ON A BOAT ON
THE LAKE AT
WILDERNESS
The festivals
frontman Freddie
Fellowes or the
Queen (were still
in Oxfordshire,
after all).

AT THE BLUE
MARLIN IN
IBIZA
Money-maker
Roman
Abramovich or
music-maker
David Guetta.
Not the Queen.

PHOTOGRAPHS: REX FEATURES/EVERETT COLLECTION, DOMINIC ONEILL

Hurry up, you

fools, the sorbet
is melting!

A bou t Tow n
THE RULES OF
THE NAME GAME

Feel free to name-drop dead people. It

says nothing about your social status
because a corpse is no use to anyone.

Dont bark out names at random

(social Tourettes). To name-drop,
you need an entertaining anecdote, one
that is somehow (however tenuously)
relevant to the conversation at hand.

If you are fortunate enough to have a

wild story about sex and someone
noteworthy, then it is your social duty to
spill. But you need detail. LOTS of detail.

Sometimes you drop a name

Winston or Kanye, perhaps and you
are met with a sea of baffled blankness.
This is your own fault. You failed to gauge
your audience. Didnt you realise that they
are all 50 years younger/older than you?
You dont know him? Oh, I thought
you went to school with him, might get
you off the hook. Or pretend to choke on
your truffled quail egg and back off fast.

The passing of time dulls the sting of

the drop. For instance, That reminds
me of the lunch I had with Warren Buffett
in 1972 in Chicago... is far less irritating
than, Warren Buffett said the funniest
thing when we had lunch on Friday...

Never qualify it. The unflappable

elan of a senior criminal barrister is
required to pull off the successful drop.

hanging from my lips, to face two gaunt,

staring-eyed, messianic-looking men in their
middle-50s and said, Giles Coren, Tony Blair.
Tony Blair, Giles Coren. Giles Coren, Sting.
Sting, Giles Coren. Then he walked off.
Now that is how you drop a name. Not just
casually, to catch a little reflected kudos, but
loud and big and right in front of the person
whose name it is. And you drop it
squarely on your victims head.
Thatll teach him. (

K N OW
YO U R LI M IT S
So, youre the sort of show-off who
name-drops using just a first name
Cressida, Pippa, Stoker... Which is fine, if
you dont mind people thinking youre a bit
of a knob. Just make sure youre not
talking to someone who knows them
better than you. Massive knob.

QUENTIN LETTSS
SK ETCHBOOK

THIS MONTH: THE SNP POSSE AT WESTMINSTER

THIS may be the year of the Scots. An
independence referendum will be held north of
the border in September and the folk making
the most noise at Westminster even if the
bagpipe pops when the votes are counted
will be the six Scottish Nationalist MPs.
A wee clan, they sit on the Opposition
benches alongside the Ulster MPs and the
Plaid Cymru boyos. Not having much to do in
the way of set-piece speeches, this part of the
House tends to be chatty and convivial,
specially when a dram or two has been
drained late in the day.
The SNPs Westminster chieftain its
scowling, jowly thane is Angus Robertson
from Moray. This former broadcast journalist,
44 going on 60, is fluent in German. Yep, he
can bluster away
in Deutsch just as
plausibly and
garrulously as
in English.
Let us put it like
this: big Angus often
has a beef. Up he gets, jabs a finger at the
Government benches, fights off flak from the
Labour lot and generally leaves the impression
that he knows better than anyone else. A
splendid know-all.
Playing Baldrick to his Blackadder is Pete
Wishart, MP for Perth but really a frustrated
musician. He is such a rock dude that the House
sometimes finds it hard to take seriously
pop-Petes political posturings. Boy, does he
talk fast. When on a roll he can shout and
inhale simultaneously, or so it seems, the
words whooshing out of him in
great, gulpy gasps. Nearby
MPs often cheer when he
finally sits down and Pete
nods furiously, accepting
their plaudits like a
guitarist acknowledging
applause at
Glastonbury.
Exhausting to watch.
The moll of the SNP
operation is Eilidh
Whiteford, a longishhaired, sometime English
literature babe who
occupies the Banff and

Buchan seat formerly held by party supremo

Alex Salmond. Willowy Eilidh is, sad to say, not
the most exciting of parliamentarians but she is
certainly easier on the ear than windbag Alex.
Male glamour is provided by Angus MacNeil,
all dark sticky-uppy fringe and rosy cheeks,
a hint of stubble on his adorably chubby
chops. A thirsty bachelor is this lusty Lochinvar,
holding court in Strangers Bar with a hand on
one hip and a foaming pint in the other. Half
the Westminster secretaries are in love with
him, but Angus has eyes for only one person:
himself. Come on, hes a politician. His seat is
Na h-Eileanan an lar. Is that a constituency or
a losing hand at Scrabble? It used to be called
the Western Isles and perhaps still should be.
No political party at Westminster is without
its trundlers. The
SNP has Mike Weir,
solicitor and former
district councillor.
When he speaks, it is
as though someone is
pushing a squeaky
wheelbarrow. A dry, indistinct, high, irritating
voice. Then there is Stewart Hosie from
Dundee East, a chunkily serious cove who sits
on the Treasury Select Committee. Before
politics he was a computer scientist.
So there they stand, the Braveheart boys and
one lassie. If the independence referendum
result goes their way, we will lose them
from the Westminster scene. The
typing pool will be heartbroken to
wave goodbye to handsome Angus
Mac. Pete Wishart will have to pack
his guitar. Eilidh will
keen a song of
lament as Angus Rob
says Tschss!, Mike
Weir squeaks off up
the A1 and computer
wonk Hosie logs off
one final time.
There again,
independence may be
decisively rejected, in
which case well
probably be stuck
with them for yonks.
And a happy Hogmanay
to you, too.

Angus has eyes for only

one person: himself.
Come on, hes a politician

Illustrated by GERALD SCARFE

A bou t Tow n

Notes to self

Thought handcuffs were hot? Wristcuffs positively sear. By Sophie Goodwin and Annabel Rivkin

isten, youll either get this or

you wont. Theres this lady
called Serena Fresson, right?
And what she does is she sells
flouncy detachable cuffs, right? And
thats what she does. But if youre
still with me the thing about these
flouncy detachable cuffs is that theyre
TRANSFORMATIVE. You know when
you put on a white shirt, the one that
felt slick yesterday but seems a little
municipal today? Whack on the Daphnes
and youre suddenly a siren. And the

daphne, 195
For Princess
Tippytoes

dolly, 140
For the
succubus

Whack on the
Daphnes and youre
suddenly a siren
black dress that youre kidding yourself
isnt a bit weary and over? On go a pair
of Beatrices and its all pomp and
flirtation. Bored with your naked body?
Feel it needs more undulation? The
Dollys sitting demurely on your bare
wrists will turn you into a frisky Playboy
Bunny/French-maid type of proposition.
And theyre double silk organza so
youre a quality minx. These are style
and sex weapons... (

Beatrice, 195
For the
bunny girl

alice, 99
For the
ingnue

SILK cUFFS, BY serena fresson

ometimes its
hard to know how
to end a failing
relationship. Do you do the
decent thing and break
the bad news face to
face? Send a text? Or, as
once happened to me, get
your sister to come over
during Terrahawks and tell
me Im chucked as I sit
there eating Black Jacks?
This eternal conundrum
is now solved. Ladies and

76 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

gentlemen, I give you

the ultimate weapon
in the ENDING OF ALL
RELATIONSHIPS AS
YOU KNOW THEM:
Liar Liar.
Its a board game with
a twist. You can lie. In fact,
you have to lie to win the
game. You can lie about
knowing the answers, you
can make up the answers,
you can lie to your
opponents and throw

false facts into their soft,

unsuspecting faces. You
can even lie about the
roll of the dice.
To conclude, its a bit
like playing
a demonic
version
of Trivial
Pursuit,

where you start out as an

honest citizen and work
your way up to being a
revolting, back-stabbing,
compulsive fibber. You just
have to avoid being
caught. Which you
may manage until
you yell, Im not
lying! Were over!
before leaving the
room weeping.
I played
Liar Liar

with a very placid

woman who called
me something ancient
and filthy and promptly
never spoke to me
again. Ho hum.
Liar Liar will set your
bank account back 29.99
and your relationship
back to square one.
You can buy it at pants
onfiregames.co.uk.
Not for the fainthearted. Pip pip!

PHOTOGRAPHS: JODY TODD

Desperate to dump a lover? Easy just play Liar Liar. By Emma Kennedy

SEX
D E AT H
MONEY
SCHOOLS
And a really posh blonde
On sale 2 January

A bou t Tow n

Books

Coffee-table corkers in every sense just check out the

staggering Midwestern waitress! Plus art-deco genius,
eye-searing snakes, Americans in stately England and
classic Brit grannies. By Sebastian Shakespeare
Heres a stupendous,
kaleidoscope of newly unearthed images from the
1Fiftiesexhilarating
to the Nineties by Magnum photographer Elliott Erwitt. Best
Elliott Erwitts Kolor (teNeues Verlag, 70).

known for his black-and-white images from shots of the civil-rights

movement via dogs to celebrity portraits Erwitt has drawn on his
mammoth archive of nearly half a million 35mm colour slides for
this anthology. Where he excels is with human portraits, ranging
from political leaders like Che Guevara and Fidel Castro, both
caught off-guard laughing, to cultural icons like Marilyn Monroe,
relaxing on a film set. This is like seeing history with fresh eyes.
But Erwitt has photographed everyone and everything from street
signs to seascapes, and his pictures are rooted in reality, the colour
quite miraculously preserved even 60 years on. Public pageants (the
Rio Carnival among them) are juxtaposed with more tender, private
moments (a newly married couple, for instance). His curiosity and
quirky humour are infectious; his vision and his social mix are
all-embracing. Popes and presidents rub shoulders with Amsterdam
prostitutes and Ruthie of Des Moines, who, according to the
caption information provided, could balance four steins of beer on
her breasts. Cor blimey! All life is here. Quite a few breasts too.

thE art DECo postEr by

william w CrousE (Thames
& Hudson, 35). Theres almost

3
4
Alarming
and alluring in equal measure,

an embarrassment of art-deco
riches in this captivating book.
Organised by category (fashion,
communication, aviation and
more), the volume contains over
300 examples by masters of the
form including Nizzoli, Beall
and Cassandre and captions put
each image into its social and
political context. Its eye-catching
proof that even ephemeral
billboards can make great art.

all sorts of snakes slither across

the pages of this absolutely
electrifying book. From the blue
Malaysian coral snake to the
striped albino Honduran milk
snake and the gleaming black
mamba, the planets most
dangerous and gorgeous vipers
are pictured in all their iridescent
glory. Never have serpents
been so seductive or sensual.
Ssssssss...

Cliveden to Consuelo Vanderbilt

at Blenheim Palace and Sir Paul
Getty at Wormsley Park, its been
the Americans who breathed
new life into the British country
house. This magnificent book
from Country Life editor-at-large
Clive Aslet pays tribute to them
with stunning photographs and
glorious anecdotage. To think we
gave our transatlantic cousins
Downton Abbey in return. (

78 T a T l e r J a N U a r Y 2 0 1 4

thE Granny alphabEt by

tim walKEr (Thames & Hudson,
24.95). A fashion-photography

book for gerontophiles at last.

Tim Walker celebrates the British
granny with photo-portraits
of grand-maternal archetypes,
together with accompanying verse
by Kit Hesketh-Harvey (I spy
with my little eye / Isnt that little
Ivy inching by?) and a second
volume devoted to an A to Z of
Miss Marple types, illustrated with
drawings by Lawrence Mynott.
Frivolous and affectionate fun.

an ExubErant CataloGuE
of DrEams by ClivE aslEt
(Aurum, 35). From the Astors at

STILL-LIFES: JODY TODD

sErpEntinE by marK
laita (Abrams, 30).

Fine Jewels
Featuring a collection
oF Jewellery and obJects
Formerly the property oF the
duke and duchess oF windsor
London 12 december 2013

Coral, emerald and diamond

torsade, Cartier
Estimate 40,000 60,000
Coral, diamond and enamel
court jester clip brooches,
Van Cleef & Arpels
Estimate 15,000 20,000
Enquiries +44 (0)20 7293 6409
Register now at sothebys.com

A bou t Tow n

0
10
o
t
up

0
1,25

o
up t

QuIDs IN

cool rules

online video, 2:16, digital edition of 1,000

WHy buy
Theres an
established
sequence
with fashion
designers: first
the clothes;
next the
accessories; then the perfume. Mary Katrantzou
is adding a new stage: the artwork. The complex
patterns Katrantzou uses in her print-led dresses
also work perfectly in this kaleidoscope video, which
has been priced incredibly reasonably. Taking her
lead from the colours and lines of the defunct pound
note, she has created a hallucinatory, multi-hued
experience, as if a model wearing her dresses were
being rolled down a mirrored catwalk. Its not going to
win her the Turner Prize, but it does have a certain
hypnotic charm.
WHen Until 31 December.
WHere seditionart.com

ye ye (1963/2012)
by mAlick SiDib
Photograph, 24 x 18cm

WHy buy
As well as online galleries,
there are also online
auctions, by both
traditional bricks-andcanvas houses and
digital-only firms,
with easy bidding and
sparkling, instant
technology. On Paddle8,
you can buy this hepcat,
looking smooooth in
his sunnies and quite
magnificent flares. Sidib
was Malis equivalent of
David Bailey, capturing the countrys
Sixties hipsters, who often look
confrontationally at the camera, as if it
could steal their groove. But here we
have a dude whos feeling the vibe.

Art for sale

00
9 ,0

Josh Spero on this months most intriguing online buys

sTArs AND sTrIPes

serigraph, 68 x 68cm

WHy buy
Artists have reimagined the American
flag in countless ways, but if
someone ran this up the flagpole,
you wouldnt know whether to
salute or worry that colourblind pirates had staged a coup.
Questioning the American Dream,
Indiana uses words and shapes which
you can read in several ways. The
circles could be roulette chips (and
JACK for jackpot?) to symbolise the
national win-or-bust mentality, or
road signs for the way they navigate
and understand their country, or
even bullseyes at a rifle range. EAT
takes little explanation and nor, in
the country which produced Elvis,
does JUKE. Available at Artspace,

12 5

NoT WAVING
PAinting to
SHAke HAnDS
(2012) by
yoko ono

AmericAn DreAm Suite 2

(1982) by robert inDiAnA

80 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

Nice. And the best thing about online

auctions: if you cough at home, no
onell think youve bid.
WHen Until 31 December.
WHere paddle8.com

online video, 4:55,

digital edition
of 1,500

an online gallery, this picture shows

theres a great deal more to Indiana
than his ubiquitous LOVE motif.
WHen Until 31 December.
WHere artspace.com

WHy buy
Yoko Ono never does
what you expect. If shes not breaking up The Beatles,
shes staging a performance piece where the public can
cut off her clothes. (Electrifying, Ive heard it called.)
This recent creation, which only exists on your computer
(once youve bought it, of course), reinforces the
unexpected, smile-inducing nature of her work. We hear
a scratching sound as a point pokes into a canvas from
behind; it pierces the fabric and cuts a cross, through
which a gloved hand, like a resurrected Michael Jackson,
waggles at you. You cant help but laugh as the artist
reaches out literally and ideologically to you.
WHen Until 31 December.
WHere seditionart.com

mary katrantzou, pound, digital limited edition mary katrantzou; yoko ono, painting to shake hands, digital limited edition yoko ono, both courtesy of seditionart.com

PounD (2013) by mAry kAtrAntzou

A bou t Tow n

restaurants

A pheasant
dish at the
White Hart

Lady Bamfords country pub is bang on the bunny sorry, money, says Jeremy Wayne

Side orderS
t h e W h i t e h a rt
The Terrace, SW13 (020 8876 5177)
This landmark riverside pub in
Barnes, set over three floors, has
reopened following a major
renovation, with BBC MasterCheff
finalist Tom Whitaker in the kitchen.
Glazed shin of beef, smoked
bone-marrow burgers and deepfried pigs ears are part of his
repertoire. Hes aided and abetted
by a fish smoker on the terrace.

Th e Wi ld R ab b iT
B R ITISH
Below, seasonal
Just when you thought everyone who lives in
Grundy types
veg at the
Chipping Norton had retreated to the shadows
at the bar adding
Wild Rabbit
and you could pop into a Cotswold pub without
local colour
careening into the massed ranks of the chic
and authenticity.
and fabulous, blow me down if Carole Bamford
So far, so fun and fantastic, but what of the
doesnt open a pub so smart, so sexy, so utterly now food, you ask? To the reassuring background
it makes Hip Hotels look like a
sound of prosecco corks popping
Seventies Good Hotel Guide.
(Daylesfords own-label prosecco,
How mucH
With its three fireplaces,
naturally), charcuterie is sliced on
About 120 for two
pale-brick walls and limestone
the de rigueur Berkel slicer and
wHat to eat
floors so smooth you just want to
potted rabbit is pressed into
Leg of lamb, steamed
fling yourself flat on the ground
miniature Kilner jars, while whole
ginger pudding
and rub your cheeks against them,
armies of jeans-and-Converse-clad
wHat to drink
Chteau Loube
the Wild Rabbit at Kingham
boys and girls ferry oversized white
from the Bamfords
is a masterpiece of contemporary
plates of roast lamb, pork loin or
Provence winery
design and that goes for the
wild halibut with raisins from
wHat to know
customers too. The women
the open kitchen where the
There are 12
are six feet tall, no granny is aged
Bamfords ex-private chef Adam
bedrooms, named after
over 55 and all the granddads look
Caisley mans the stoves to the
woodland creatures
like Warren Beatty
rough-hewn, grey-wood tables.
Warren Beatty in a
Easy to send up, but I absolutely
sleeveless quilted
love the Wild Rabbit. Its big and beautiful
jacket, that is.
and bountiful, not to mention gracious and
But its not just toffs
welcoming a not-so-subtle two fingers to the
at the Rabbit beer
warm-beer-and-scampi-in-the-basket country
has been keenly (and
pubs of yore. I dont miss them a bit. Weve
cleverly) priced at only
never had it so good. (
2 a pint, so there
Church Street, Kingham, Oxfordshire
are always a few Joe
(thewildrabbit.co.uk; 01608 658389).

P r i n c e s s V i c to r i a
217 Uxbridge Road, W12
(020 8749 5886)
A former Victorian gin palace
once the tram stop for Shepherds
Bush has been lovingly restored
by the boys from Truffle Hunting.
There are two gorgeous marble
fireplaces, one in the cosy bar and
one in the light-filled dining room,
where Marco Pierre White-trained
Matthew Reuther does English
classics like omelette Arnold
Bennett and haunch of venison.

Builders arms

82 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

Im SO
well hung!

13 Britten Street, SW3

(020 7349 9040)
The best pub in Chelsea by a mile,
with lots of bubbly by the glass,
interesting beer, guest ales and
simple, unpretentious food like
beer-battered haddock and chips or
a steak sandwich. They also do brilliant
rice pudding, served with vanilla
ice cream. Unorthodox, but it works.
Comfortable too you may never
want to leave your fireside armchair.

THE BARFLY White Lyan, London

Just yesterday, it seems, ice bars were all the rage. Now its no-ice bars. At
Hoxtons White Lyan, twice UK Bartender of the Year Ryan Chetiyawardana
is taking a new approach to cocktails. With his radical belief that
perishables including ice make for inconsistency in drinks, he is bidding

PICK
ME!

for greatness with own-brand bottled and pre-mixed cocktails, refrigerated

to an even coolness. Our verdict? While the Hear No (fino, amaretto and
bitters) is faintly disgusting, the See No (gin, caraway, lavender and cider
vinegar) is growing on us...153155 Hoxton Street, N1 (020 3011 1153).

A bou t Tow n
NO SOCK SORtINg
I absolutely promise I am not making this up
Welcome to Smart Socks. You buy a starter
pack containing 10 pairs of black socks, plus
the remote-control sock sorter. Each sock is
microchipped (a bit like your dog) and can
communicate with the remote control (a bit like
your telly). When the socks end up in the
washed-laundry basket, you use the sock sorter
to scan each one (a bit like your supermarket
shopping) and it will tell you where the pair is
(a bit like your greengrocer, lol). As helpful
additional info, it also tells you when the sock
was manufactured, the date you bought it,
how many times youve washed it and just how
black it still is. If the pair of a sock is lost or
has been washed so many times that it is no
longer an acceptable level of black, you can
instantly order a replacement via the app. This
is the future, feet get used
to it. 119 at
blacksocks.
com/en-gb

NO tOOthbRUSh wARS

NO RUNNINg bLUES
A fitness app with a gripping story to stop
you dying of boredom while you run. You are
Runner 5 and a sexy, slightly rough British
male voice, who sounds like someone youd
actually like to have a medium to long-term
relationship with, asks you to help save the
world from a zombie attack. Quick! The
zombie posse is behind you and theyre going
to chase you really fast for point-seven of
a kilometre! The joy is that you hardly notice
youre working out, because youre so busy
working out how to organise a date with the
man doing the nice voice on the app. Anyway
its way better than just, like, running.
2.49 at zombiesrungame.com

At what age do children volunteer to clean

their teeth in the morning? In our
house, its only when the snogging
starts. At around the age of
teenagery, all those warnings about
teeth going yellow, then brown, then
falling out, then being replaced by
wooden pegs because I am NOT
PAYING FOR PORCELAIN CAPS,
suddenly make sense to the child
and tooth-brushing becomes
an activity of choice rather than
something to be done while
wrestling an armlock from your
mother. Fellow parent, until that
blessed day comes, you will need
this. A) Its a lightsaber. B) It flashes
for the length of the brushing
when the flashing stops, you
are free to leave the bathroom.
C) Its a lightsaber. 18.23 at
amazon.co.uk

Gadgets
This month, Ive chosen some of my least favourite jobs and found
gadgets to make them more enjoyable. By Emma Freud

NO StINKy hANdS

NO POtty tRAININg
GRANNY: Darling, whats that strange-looking
plastic thing in the bathroom? MOThER: Its for
potty training little Calypso it holds her iPad
so she doesnt get bored. GRANNY: Goodness
me! I used to read you a book when I was
teaching you to tinkle in the loo. MOThER:
This is better than a book because she can
check her share prices online while waiting
for her poo and then Instagram a photo of
it once shes been. GRANNY: Taxi
29.99 at amazon.co.uk

84 T a T l e r a U G U S T 2 0 1 3

hands that smell of marrowbone and

meat paste? Begone. Dogs that lap up your
choccy-choccy chocolate drops while salivating
all over your fingers? I eschew you. Never again
need you dip your hand into a Tupperware of
Death containing mixed dried offal This
canine gadget simply requires your dog to get
its head round the notion of an entry-level
dispensary system and suddenly it can
self-generate delivery of tasty but foul-smelling
liver chews, despite its genetic
lack of opposable thumbs.
And when the lovely dispenser
runs out of your dogs favourite
Tasty Crunchy Chicken Mini
Bones, and the pups start to
complain that its all gone
snacky-snacks, you can just put
bubblegum in there instead.
Thatll shut it up. 25 at
andymachines.com

NO bEd-MAKINg
Who likes making beds? No one! Who fancies
the idea of a bed that makes itself by the
use of a pulley system on the sides of the
duvet that automatically slides your crumpled
bedding into a perfectly made hotel-style
bed like a weird spooky special effect from a
very low-budget movie? Everyone! how much
will it cost? Its SOOO new they havent even
given it a price yet! how far ahead of the times
is the Gadget Expert? About 18 light years
plus a press release. ohea.eu

N E X T M O N T H l u g g ag E w i T H a b u i lT- i N g a d g E T O r T wO . f u N .

T h i s i s m e o n Tw i t t e r @ e m m a f r e u d

silk bustier,
1,350; silk skirt,
2,150, both
by dior. gold,
diamond &
labradorite ring,
3,900, by Carolina
BuCCi. silver
earrings, 145,
by shaun leane

Once
upon a time
There was an actress
called Lily James, who
was so sweet and good she
got a part in Downton Abbey.
And then she met her fairy
godfather, Kenneth Branagh, who
cast her as Cinderella. And she lived
happily ever after. The end
Words by gAvAnnDRA HODgE

Photographed by MARC HOM

Styled by DEEP KAILEY

TaT l er jan uary 2014

87

this page, silk &

cotton-brocade
dress, 1,680, by
dolce & gabbana.
earrings & ring,
as before
opposite page,
brocade dress, 935,
by moschino. gold
hook earrings, 240,
by shaun leane.
gold bracelets, 154
each, by maria
black. ring, as
before

ily James has just one weekend to reboot her brain,

as she goes from glitzy Twenties country-house
flapperdom to fairy godmothers and unexpectedly
articulate mice. When we meet for cocktails at
Claridges, she is just about to finish filming the
Downton Abbey Christmas special in which she
plays Lady Rose, the mischievous debutante with a
taste for the illicit pleasures of below stairs and
shes about to start work on Sir Kenneth Branaghs film Cinderella, playing
Cinderella, which really is the big one when it comes to fairytale heroines.
Lily, 24, sips her vodka, lime and soda distractedly she has the dazed,
joyful air of someone who has just won the lottery, or been proposed
to by a handsome oligarch. You know that scene in Runaway Bride, when
Julia Roberts puts on the amazing wedding dress and looks at herself in
the mirror and goes swish, swish? I loved that moment so much when
I was a little girl. And thats how it was for me at the Cinderella screen
test. I was in full costume, and when I saw myself I just couldnt help
holding the skirts of my ballgown and saying it: Swish, swish.
Branaghs version will be classic fairytale. Not for him the postmodern
trend for sword-toting vigilante heroines la Kristen Stewarts Snow
White and Gemma Artertons Gretel. In Cinderella, the swag and crystal
slippers will be supplied by the Oscar-winning queen of cinematic
opulence, costumier Sandy Powell, and there will be footmen and magic
wands and fluffy creatures. They even got me live mice for the screen
test. I had to hold one and talk to it, she says, cupping her hand and
staring at it in wonder, as if Stuart Little were actually standing there.
Lilys own story does not quite follow the rags to riches, happilyever-after trajectory. She grew up in Esher with her parents and her
two brothers, one younger, one older. Her father, James Thomson,
was an actor, musician and poet. He ran an orchestra and founded
a video-communications business. Lilys urge to perform and entertain
was always fuelled by him when she was little, he would play the
guitar and give her a mic and they would perform blues standards for
the family. He read her the whole of the Harry Potter epic. He died of
cancer five and a half years ago, by which time Lily was already in her
first year at the Guildhall School of Music & Drama. It was a lifeline
for me, it saved me. I found drama school very nurturing I just clung
on. Pain can be instructive for an actress as sweet-natured, sunny
and bright as Lily seems, you imagine it would not be too hard for her
to find tears, should the part require them.
After Guildhall, she changed her name from Lily Thomson to
Lily James, after her father, and soon won roles in the Secret Diary

wool dress, 1,685,

by valentino.
earrings & ring,
as before

of a Call Girl with Billie Piper and Fast Girls, a film about foxy female
athletes that was released to coincide with the general jubilation
surrounding London 2012. And then came Downton. After the death
of poor Lady Sybil, we all needed a young aristo willing to shake her
bugle beads about the place. Lily has found the Downton set welcoming,
drinking wine with Michelle Dockery after hours and joining in the
rounds of Bananagrams that punctuate the interminable dining-room
scenes. Its like Scrabble, but faster paced. You have to make as many
words as possible. Its a race to lose all your tiles. Laura Carmichaels
insanely good. Maggie is too.
She sympathises with her character Rose, with her need for freedom
and her wild naughtiness. And, like Rose, she has a reputation for fun.
Im a rule-breaker. Its funny because Ive been working so hard recently
and I havent been able to see my friends as much, or go out as much,
and it feels as if there are two versions of me. Its interesting to think
about people who are really successful, and how they balance their lives
and keep true to themselves. Right now there just arent enough seconds
in the day for me although I did go to the Secret Garden Party with
friends last summer. It was the first time Id done something for me,
which wasnt work, in a really long time and I had such a wonderful,
wild weekend.
She recently moved into a flat with a girlfriend in Peckham and,
in the rare moments when she is not working, likes to go to the cinema.
I love the cinema when life is a bit chaotic, or when I feel sad. Its the
perfect way to lose yourself. I always know when Im happier in life
because I go to the cinema less.
Once Lily had found out that shed won the fairytale role, one of the
first things she asked Branagh was who would play her father weak and
craven as Cinderellas father is. Its weird, the idea of someone else playing
my dad, but weirdly nice. And I was really excited when I found out that
it was going to be Ben Chaplin. It might be comforting, I suggest,
acting the role of someone who has a dad, when you have lost yours,
a bit like when you dream about a lost parent, and in the dream
are able to momentarily forget. I know, it is like that, you
think, Thank God, she says, and smiles at me,
looking sorrowful and delighted at the same time.
Shell make a perfect Cinderella. (
Downton Abbey Christmas Special is on
ITV1 at 9pm on Christmas Day.

this page, silk bustier

(just seen), 1,350,
by Dior. earrings,
as before
opposite page,
crinoline dress,
1,369, by simone
rocha. earrings,
as above
for stockists, see
address book. hair by
karin bigler at d + v
management, using
loreal paris elnett
styling. make-up by
andrew gallimore at
clm hair & make-up,
using dior airflash,
rouge dior & capture
totale. fashion
assistant, emma
simmonds. on-set
production, adele
thomas at katy
offley productions.
production, serlin
associates. location,
botany bay &
kingsgate bay,
broadstairs

The new generation of London landowners

are changing the face of the city. Even
more excitingly, some of them are still on the
market. One day, all this could be yours.
By Alice Cockerell

Grosvenor
Square

photographs: niall mcdiarmid/alamy, mark stewart/camera press

Bag
yourself
a hunk
of london

EARL GROSVENOR, 22
300 acres of Mayfair and Belgravia

L
above, eaton
square. top,
grosvenor
square

ondon without the Grosvenor

Group would be a very different
place. The Duke of Westminsters
stomping ground which came
into the family in 1677 after the dukes
ancestor Sir Thomas Grosvenor married
Mary Davies, who had inherited 500 acres
essentially turned into Mayfair and
Belgravia under the Grosvenors. Moreover,
despite the introduction of the controversial
Leasehold Reform Act, which gave tenants the right to buy the
freehold of their homes and caused the duke to resign from the
Conservative Party in 1993, the estate still includes thousands of
private properties. The fortune Hugh (a godparent to Prince
George) will inherit is almost infinite: to give you an idea, the duke
sold a Mayfair parking space for 65,000 in 2002. This is
understandably daunting. Yet Hugh, rather shy growing up, has
been coming into his own recently. Close to his parents, he was sent
to an independent school in Cheshire, instead of to Harrow, where
his father had been so miserable. A consequence of this was that, as a
friend said, Hugh never really had a gang of mates in London
despite owning most of it. He would come down in the holidays
and be slightly at a loss. He had plenty of cousins and sisters around
but not so many people of his own age. Thankfully, this all changed
when he went to Newcastle University, where he acquired a huge
circle of friends who have moved back to London alongside him.
These days he is being slowly inducted into the family business,
though his father is adamant that he can step back from it at any
time. Its not all work and no play Hugh was given a huge 21st
birthday last year at Eaton Hall, the familys Cheshire place, at
which Rizzle Kicks performed and Michael McIntyre did a set. His
next big knees-up could well be in London. Finding a venue is
unlikely to be too much of a problem.

TaT l er jan uary 2014

95

VISCOUNT CHELSEA, 47,

& GEORGE CADOGAN, 18

90 acres between Knightsbridge and the Thames, including

Cheyne Walk and Cadogan and Duke of York Squares

One Hyde Park

above, SaaTCHI
Gallery on DUke of
york SQUare. below,
CHeyne walk.

above,
VISCoUnT
CHelSea.
below,
GeorGe
CaDoGan

SHEIkH TAmIm bIN HAmAD

AL-THANI, EmIR Of QATAR, 33

The Shard, swathes of Canary Wharf and One Hyde Park

They arent exactly a family, rather a country a third the size of Belgium, but the
Qataris, headed by their royal family, are taking over London. Though some
patriots are worried by this level of foreign investment, our own royals are not
the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh were utterly beguiled by the countrys
former leader, Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani, and his wife, Sheikha Moza bint
Nasser al-Missned, when they came to stay at Windsor. Although the rest of the
Qatari royals havent quite got down the low-key diffidence of our London
overlords two of their bright blue Lamborghinis were recently clamped outside
Harrods (Well, we own it, dont we? was said to have been their logic) they
have shown themselves mindful of the status quo. Plans for the renovation of
Chelsea Barracks were put on hold because the Prince of Wales wrote a letter
complaining he didnt like the drawings. The new emir, Tamim bin Hamad
al-Thani, was certainly brought up to fit neatly into the Establishment: he went to
Sherborne (which now has a branch in Doha), Harrow and Sandhurst, and is the
first emir in three generations to attain his position without a coup. He already
has two wives, but there is always room for a third.

above,
THe emIr
of QaTar.
below,
HarroDS

PHoToGraPHS: anna HUIx, eDmUnD SUmner/VIewPICTUreS, GeTTy ImaGeS, alamy, ben CawTHra/eyeVIne

Poor George Cadogan. Just like his father, Viscount Chelsea, few
things could interest him less than the fact that one day he will be
able to walk from Peter Jones to Harrods without setting foot off
his land (the family got the hat trick after Cadogan Estates bought
the freehold of Harvey Nicks in 2002). Raised on the familys
Scottish estate, Snaigow, George and his older sister and younger
brother decamped to London last year when their grandfather
Charlie, Earl Cadogan, handed over the chairmanship of Cadogan
Estates to his son. The estate originally came into the family in
1717, following Charles Cadogans marriage to Elizabeth, the
daughter of Sir Hans Sloane. It is now worth 3.9bn and includes
about 3,000 flats and 600 houses. The Cadogans have chosen to
keep their arrival on the London scene quiet, and Lord Chelsea is
yet to become a familiar face on the Kings Road. While one
might see Charlie Cadogan walking down the road in his trilby,
none of us have seen hide nor hair of his son, reveals a local. Although
a friend of mine says she spotted him looking at the flowers in the
Chelsea Gardener. This low profile suits George, the politest boy
at Harrow you wont find him stumbling out of Maggies, though
he does like a romantic dinner at La Famiglia. Like his father, a
commanding officer of the Territorial Army who served with the
RAF in the first Gulf War, George is an outdoorsy fellow and longs
for summer and the grouse season. Thankfully, there is something
to sweeten the pill of one day becoming the second-largest property
owner in London. Like his father and grandfather (who chaired
CFC in 198182), George is a hardcore football fan, and a trip to
Stamford Bridge is much more his line than a jaunt to Harrods.

below
left,
PeTer
CZernIn.
RIGHt,
Harley
STreeT

PETER CZERNIN, 47

92 acres between Regents Park and Oxford Street, including Harley Street,
Wimpole Street and Marylebone High Street

above &
top left,
marleybone
HIGH STreeT.
below,
CaVenDISH
SQUare

Peter Czernins family the de Waldens was awarded its barony by Elizabeth I
for some nifty naval work during the defeat of the Spanish Armada, and he is an
appropriately alpha Old Etonian movie producer (responsible for In Bruges and
Seven Psychopaths, and currently producing Posh) who just happens to co-own
some of Londons swankiest districts. Czernin, his mother Hazel Baroness
Howard de Walden and her three sisters have guided their estate with impressive
savvy. Property guru Ralph Ward-Jackson explains: The de Waldens made a
deliberate decision to charge low rent to small shops and restaurants. This lures
them to the area and although the estate might go on to raise these rents, by then,
chances are the companies will be booming. This pushes up the prices of the
surrounding residences. You need only compare the stucco glories of Marylebone
High Street to the ever-crumblier Kensington High Street to recognise the
benefits of having one family in charge of a plot. The de Walden pioneering gene
is personified in Peter. Great pals with David Cameron (he contributed to his
leadership campaign), with whom he went to school and later shared a hippie
idyll of a flat in South Kensington, he is deceptively easygoing while being sharp
as a tack. Call Me Pete has just taken charge of the family seat, Avington Manor
in Berkshire, with his wife Lucinda and their two children. He is equally happy
sipping chai lattes in Hollywood as he is putting the world to rights around a
Chipping Norton kitchen table.

TaT l er jan uary 2014

97

RIGHT, THe
IN & OuT
CLuB. FAR
LEFT,
CARLTON
HOuse

LISA, DAVID JR & JAMIE

REUBEN, 35, 32 & 27

BELOW RIGHT,
LOuLOus AT
5 HeRTFORD
sTReeT. BELOW
LEFT, LIsA &
JAMIe ReuBeN

Soho Square

Lisa, the only child of Simon Reuben, and David Jr and Jamie,
the sons of David Reuben, are tipped to be our London lady
and lords of the future. The Reuben effect on the capital is
intangible and ostentatious by turns. An example of their
grandiosity is the acquisition of the In & Out Club in Mayfair,
which the family aims to transform into a giant private home,
with 11 bedrooms, a ballroom and a 35,000-bottle wine cellar.
Yet there are more subtle plans afoot: schemes like sprucing up
Paddington and souping up Embankment. Lisa, fearsomely
glamorous and penetratingly smart, is married to a privateequity trader, Ron Valk, with whom she has a three-year-old
daughter, Eden. A friend describes Lisa as, part empire builder,
part philanthropist, part old-school billionaires daughter for
her wedding in 2007 she hired a private train to transport her
500 best friends to Monte Carlo. David Jr is mainly based in
New York and observers suggest that Jamie is the Reuben boy
most invested in the familys London development. He has an
on-off relationship with blonde knicker-maker Marissa
Montgomery, and is often found buying drinks for his gang of
sleek socialites at 5 Hertford Street (his family owns the building).
Yet there is an underlying seriousness to Jamie. Possibly one of
the youngest big-time Tory donors, he gave 22,000 to help his
pal Zac Goldsmiths election campaign when he was just 24,
and you need only quiz him about his stance on governmentendorsed wind-farm subsidies to get a sense of his inner zeal.
Jamie recently moved to Mount Street, just to keep a closer eye
on 5 Hertford Street. Strictly business, of course.

FAWN & INDIA ROSE

JAMES, 27 & 22

60 acres of Soho, including Ronnie Scotts and Soho House

Fawn Jamess 350m slice of Soho, which she shares with her
younger sister India Rose, was left to her by her grandfather,
the pornographer and property developer Paul Raymond.
Fawns mother, Debbie, died of a heroin overdose in 1992.
Raymond died, rich and still bereft, in 2008. Fortunately,
Fawn seems to have come out of his shadow. Known as the
nicest girl in her year at St Georges, Ascot, she studied
anthropology at St Andrews and went on to do a course in
business. She now hopes to break into acting she spent last
summer filming The Wraith, directed by Robert Young at
the same time as helping to run her grandfathers company,
Soho Estates. She plans to turn the Raymond Revue Bar
into a fringe theatre. But dont worry, the apple didnt fall too
far from the tree: she lives in style in her grandfathers 10th
storey penthouse just behind the Ritz, adores the Box (the
freehold of which she owns) and can be seen shooting
through Soho in a Porsche with her boyfriend Nick Lawson.

ABOVE LEFT, FAWN

& INDIA ROse
JAMes. ABOVE
RIGHT, BReWeR
sTReeT. BELOW,
RONNIe sCOTTs

PHOTOgRAPHs: ANNA HuIx, ALAMy, ROBeRT HARDINg LIBRARy/ALAMy

Milbank Tower, Carlton House, the In and Out Club,

Connaught House and some of Sloane Street

LEFT, HOLLAND
PARK AveNue.
RIGHT, HOLLAND
HOuse

SIMON MORRISON, 28
40 acres of Holland Park

Simons birthright, 40 acres of Holland Park, will come to

him through rather a fluky route: his mother, the daughter
of Viscount Galway, inherited her fortune as both she and
her mother, the daughter of the Earl of Ilchester, were the
only surviving children of their parents. Going back, the 5th
Earl of Ilchester inherited Holland House and the
surrounding park out of the blue in 1874 from a distant
childless cousin, Baron Holland. Current form suggests
Simon will be a gracious landlord he studied Land and
Estate Management at Oxford Brookes after leaving Eton,
and has just launched an exciting new venture building
and converting affordable housing with Rupert SpencerChurchill. He has one younger sister, Melissa Townshend,
and rolls with well-shod glamorous types like Sam Guinness,
Daisy Fraser and Martha Sitwell, but would be unlikely
to strike anyone as the heir of an heiress. Uniformly
underdressed, apart from at the weekend when he scrubs
up to ride out with the Cattistock Hunt, he likes racing
motorbikes and hosted a medieval banquet at the family
pile, Melbury in Dorset, for his 21st (Violet NaylorLeyland caused great excitement when she turned up as
Lady Godiva). Find him in north Kensington, where he
lives in a swanky flat.
Marble Arch

LUKE PORTMAN, 29

110 acres north of Oxford Street, including Portman,

Manchester and Montagu Squares
When he was 16, Luke Portman son and heir of the 10th Viscount Portman
was declared Englands most eligible teenager (worth around 850m when he
inherits). He has spent the subsequent years in Australia, where his family have a
Sydney mansion, as well as a vast sheep farm in Wagga Wagga. But sometimes hes
seen back in town. Luke is the eldest son of Lord Portman, from his first wife
Caroline Steenson (there are two other sons, Matthew, 23, and Daniel, 18, from
his second marriage). The Portman Estate came into the family when it was given
to Lord Chief Justice Portman in the mid-16th century by Henry VIII. They
soon started building, and we have the Portmans to thank for making Oxford
Street what it is today. The Portmans might be a little mysterious, preferring their
holiday home in Antigua to the rough and tumble of town, but they are not shy
about spending money they are currently pumping 40m into Portman Village
(a chic shopping district next to Marble Arch). Though we have yet to spot Luke
on the arm of a supermodel, we shouldnt give up hope. The family has form his
uncle is Justin Portman, ex-husband of Natalia Vodianova. (

Portman Square

ABOVE,
sIMON
MORRIsON.
BELOW,
HOLLAND
PARK

Blonde
amBition
Photographed by Julian BroaD

Princess Michael
of Kent in the
drawing room at
Kensington Palace

Wildly charismatic, glitteringly

clever and just a tiny bit indiscreet
is there any royal more fabulous
than Princess Michael of Kent?
We certainly dont think so. She
invites David Jenkins into
Kensington Palace to discuss
peerless genes, historical novels
and the Cambridges moving in
TaT l er jan uary 2014

101

oor old Prince Michael

of Kent. When you enter the Kensington Palace
apartment in which he lives, there in the hall is
a portrait of him that, his 68-year-old wife
roundly declares, the husband hates. He says it
makes him look dyspeptic; thats the word he
used dyspeptic. And there in the couples
dining room is another picture he loathes a
portrait of the princess, her shoulders bare, her
jewellery magnificent. Very flattering, the
princess says in a conspiratorial whisper, just one
of the sonic battery of yelps, theatrically rolled
rs, dramatic vocal swoops and inquisitorial
harrumphs with which she peppers her discourse.
Done in 1978, by a lovely painter whos since
died. And my husband always sits there [she
points to the chair with its back to the picture]
because he doesnt like it at all. He says, You
look as if youve just slapped someones face.
And I say, I had, actually the painters. She
laughs, a little frantically. But he had his wife
with him, at every sitting.
Furious princes! Jealous wives! Predatory
painters! Its the stuff of history and of romance,
and its these two passions Princess Michael has
decided to shake up and stir in her abundantly
detailed first novel, The Queen of Four Kingdoms,
set among the courtly plots and stratagems of
15th-century France. She is herself, of course, the
embodiment of courtly intrigue. And she looks
the part: so tall, so lustrous (Im very whiteskinned; the rest is make-up), so perfectly
accoutred (Hong Kong: a little man who makes
my husbands shirts. Im not into fashion, Im
into glamour) and so exquisitely bejewelled
(her half-moon mother-of-pearl earrings were
given to her in thanks for work she did for
Venetian Heritage there can never be enough
charities for Venice). Even her iPhone cover
bears the letters MC (she was christened
Marie-Christine) beneath a silver coronet.
As for her pets, they too have pizzazz. This is
Ruby, she says, dropping her voice to a thrilling
whisper as an elegant cat arches its back. Ruby

With her children

Lady Gabriella,
aged four, and
Lord Frederick,
aged six

Mountbatten thought Id be good for my

husband.) And Oh, yes, she gushes once
more, when asked if hers is an adorable
grandchild. But what of those other recent
parents, her new neighbours the Duke and
Duchess of Cambridge?
Right where Princess Margaret was! And,
you know, I was very much behind that. Because
its the nicest apartment. The intelligence of the
courtiers! She shakes her head, derisively. When
Princess Margaret died, they gave it to the
museum. And, obviously, the boy was going to
marry one day. All right, it was 12 years ago, but
one day hed need the best apartment, surely. A
lovely big garden, next to the Gloucesters, who
I think will leave their enormous apartment
because their children have gone, and mothers
dead. And theyre rattling round this huge space.
And I think Prince Harry might go there, then
theyd be next door to each other very good
move. And also, I thought she [Kate] would get
the wobblies if she moved next door [to Princess
Michael]. You know, with [the ghost of] Diana.
The princess smiles, her blue eyes mischievous,
and she puts on a naughty little girls voice.
And I might lose my garden! Anyway, that
apartment, its not the best. Whereas Princess
Margarets wonderful. Huge private garden,
you know. And then they could open up into
the garden next door. Im sure Prince Harry
wouldnt mind. It would work wonderfully.
Its gripping, this Brookside of royal life, and
so illuminating being on the inside track. The
princess wouldnt, for instance, dream of seeing
the film Diana, because, I know the true story.
Gripping, too, is the whole Princess Michael
story. Born during an American bombing raid
on Carlsbad (now Karlovy Vary in the Czech
Republic) in January 1945, Marie-Christine
von Reibnitz was the daughter of a Hungarian
countess and a Silesian baron whom the Nazi
party had appointed Jgermeister (gamekeeper)
of the area. He was in charge of the huntin,
shootin and fishin, she says, her larkiness a trifle
jarring, though she is adamant that her father
was one of the few who got a clear absolution
in the denazification process. He was, she says,
in a POW camp in Siberia when she was born,

With Prince
Michael
of Kent, 1980

photographs: tim graham, james gray, daily mail, getty images, rex

the heart stealer. She smiles, pleased with her

Berlusconi joke. She was really called Ruby
because rubies come from Burma, and shes
Burmese. And the other one [Cali short for
California, where her son, daughter-in-law and
five-month-old granddaughter live] is Siamese.
Anyway, enough of that. My book, have you had
a chance to see it? Dogs feature in it prominently,
but cats do not except for the cheetah.
Ah yes, the cheetah. Now who was it who
gave that to her heroine, Yolande of Aragon?
Jacques Coeur, who will be the third volume
of the trilogy you know this is a trilogy? She
shakes her head sorrowfully. My lovely Jacques
Coeur, whom I adore, and 60,000 words of
whom were cut from this book. Grrrrr! She
snarls, all playful fury, at her PR, who squawks a
denial of responsibility. The princess sighs. No, it
was too long! Too long! Nonetheless, he deserves
a book. So hes the third book. The second,
youll be glad to hear, involves a kings mistress
with enough poison in her to kill a horse.
Gosh. A friend of the princess had said that
shell come in like a thunderbolt, and he wasnt
exaggerating. Words pour from her in torrents,
taking one down unexpected byways: a
disquisition on the Nuremberg trials becomes an
evocation of her uncle, who was extraordinarily
handsome, as his children are too. And when
they shot [for Austria] in the Olympics in Los
Angeles, they were immediately offered movie
contracts, which they laughed at, of course. The
men in my family are all very, very handsome.
We girls are too big. And a comment on her
family reveals the frail core beneath the regal
exterior: I worshipped my mother, but she was
very imperious I was terrified of her. And
there is, when you listen to her voice, a
disconcerting resemblance to that of another
imperious woman, Margaret Thatcher, though
the princess has her soft side. Oh, yes, she
gushes, as she rejoices that her son has a love
marriage. (Hers, she adds, was arranged. You
have no idea what lengths [Lord] Mountbatten
went to. Because I realised afterwards that

while her mother who had stood trial for her

life in a fur coat, with a bump, in the snow in
the village square for her anti-Nazi actions had
been released from prison to have her child in an
eye hospital founded by (of course) a relative.
Initially, the blonde and blue-eyed countess
refused to believe the yellow-skinned (jaundice),
black-haired child she was presented with was
her own. (The princesss son, Freddie, also
had dark hair when he was born in 1979. Like
his mothers and his 32-year-old sister Ellas
platinum blonde his hair turned gold
early on, but its going darker with time.)
There was, though, a greater shock in store for
the countess. A devout Catholic, she discovered
that her husband had been a divorced man when
they met and married: She wouldnt [make love],
you know, unless they were married. This meant
that her children the princess has an older
brother, Fred were illegitimate in the eyes of
the church, though legitimate in the eyes of the
state. Her mothers family had always been very
generous to the church, so a cardinal legitimised
them, saying her mother had married in good
faith. There was just one codicil: the baron was
not to have relations with the countess. And,
says the princess, roguishly, he wasnt that kind
of man. So he dumped the countess and his
children and buzzed off to Mozambique, to
a vast estate bought by a buffalo-shooting
aunt for beads, for all I know. There he shot,
became a citrus farmer and married again.
Thus abandoned, the princesss mother took
her and her brother to Australia, for the best part
of 16 years, and it was in 1968 that the then
Marie-Christine came to England, intent on
becoming an interior designer. She was, she says,
very successful. Its the Hun in me, she says, selfmockingly: she was efficient, effective, finished
the job on time and gave refunds if her estimates
were too high. People were amazed. At a boar

do you descend from

charlemagne? or from
saint king louis ix? i do
hunt in Austria, she met an English banker
called Tom Troubridge and married him in 1971.
It didnt work out, and they separated in 1973.
Prince Michael, a cousin of the Queen, had
already flickered onto her social radar, though
shed paid him no mind: He had some girl in
tow. But they grew friendlier, bonding over the
shared misery of giving up smoking. He would
come to parties she gave in her Chelsea garden,
parties to which Rudolf Nureyev, hungry to talk
Russian, would also come. Prince Michael spoke
Russian, though its something no one else in his

family can do. And you know my husband looks

like the [last] Tsar. Do you know why? Do you
know how genetics work? Queen Alexandras
[mother of George V] sister was mother of the
Tsar. And King George and the Tsar looked
alike they could interchange clothes and
people werent sure who was who. But their
mothers could pass for twins as well. And my
husband is descended from them both, so I
suppose the gene pool came together in him.
Princess Michaels no slouch, gene pool-wise,
herself. I have a great lineage. As you know,

she says, speaking of a dastardly real-life

nobleman who features in her scrupulously
historical novel, the Duke of Burgundy started
the Order of the Golden Fleece [in 1430]. And,
of the first 20 members, 17 are my ancestors.
Even Catherine de Medici and Diane de Poitiers
[of whose rivalry the princess has written in her
non-fiction book, The Serpent and the Moon],
I descend from them both. And sometimes
people say, Oh well, we all descend from
Adam and Eve. But do you descend from
Charlemagne directly? Do you descend from
Saint King Louis IX? And she does? I do.
Its this sort of thing that prompted the
Queens famous she sounds far too grand for
us remark. That comment was, the princess
says, Mountbattens fault. A man who rejoiced
in matchmaking and genealogy, the old courtier
had fostered her C o n t i n u e d o n p a g e 1 4 3
tat l er jan uary 2014

103

JoLLy
super foodies
From potted partridge to tea and crumpets,
posh nosh is popping up all over
the place. Yum-yum, says Luciana Bellini

Photographed by PAL HANSEN

Styled by SOPHIE GOODWIN

Lucy Hambro
The Hambros, one of Britains biggest banking families, are a weirdly
focused bunch. When its not about money, its about food.
Their St Jamess restaurant, Wiltons, which has been in the family
since 1942, is all about the fish; their giant prawns are as big as a babys
arm and the oysters are so fresh theyll get up and do a tap dance
for you. Now the littlest Hambro, 25-year-old Lucy (an Old Heathfield
girl and daughter of James and Diana Hambro), has added some
turf to their surf with Wiggies, her pop-up restaurant dedicated
entirely to pork. Maybe someone should tell the Hambros that it is
possible to run a restaurant with more than one ingredient? Then again, it
seems to be going OK for them so far. wiggieslondon.com

THom & James

eLLioT
Radley boys Thom and James Elliot
are going to be very, very rich.
Because theyve come up with a way
to eat pizza every single day and
actually lose weight. Disclaimer: this
only works if you work 24 hours a
day, seven days a week. Since the
brothers opened their first permanent
restaurant in Dean Street in August,
theyve both lost a stone and a half.
But thats where the similarities
between them end. James, 27, near
left, is the bouncy, banterous one,
inordinately proud of his new
wardrobe staple: a pair of elasticated
man jeggings (well, he needs them
with all that weight fluctuation).
Thom, 30, is shyer and less showy but
has the brainy gene he graduated
from Oxford with a degree in
experimental psychology but gave up
on medicine to cook dough. Were so
pleased he did. pizzapilgrims.co.uk

Jemima Palmer-Tomkinson
Tara Palmer-Tomkinsons cousin is so tiny she could almost fit into one
of her own pots, but she isnt half loud. Especially when it comes to
the topic of game dont get her started unless youve got a good few
hours to spare. She knows her way around a pheasant, having grown up
on Taras father Charless farm in Hampshire (her parents rented a cottage
there); shed go on his shoots and pick up the birds. As co-founder of the
Potted Game Company, the 30-year-old still spends her days carting
around armfuls of dead birds, only now theyre plucked and ready to go
under a layer of clarified butter. Much more civilised. pottedgame.com

sam PageT sTeavenson

Sam, 26, is hot and makes a bloody good cocktail. The Old Etonian left a job canvassing for the Tories four years ago to
work behind the bar at Tramp. Last May, he set up his own mobile-bar company, the Rum Runner, after two years of saving
while living a frugal existence in his parents Chelsea house, which is where he started concocting his crazy cocktail concepts.
I spend a lot of time drunk, admits Sam, 26. Give him anything (just not cheese he hates cheese)
and hell turn it into something delicious that gets you drunk. So, basically, hes the perfect man. therumrunner.co.uk

NiNa Parker
Nina may be slim as a whippet, but dont let that fool you: the 27-yearolds dedication to the cause of pudding is absolute. She spends her days
(and nights) dishing up homemade ice cream from her van at food
festivals and smart weddings. She started early a childhood spent
mainly eating crpes and waffles in St Tropez (her parents have a house
in Port Grimaud) laid the groundwork. After a French and Spanish
degree at Leeds, she spent five years training at LAnima, Locanda
Locatelli and the granddaddy of gelaterias, Gelupo. She bought a van
and set up on her own last summer. Just two months in, while
scooping hard at the Secret Garden Party, she was offered a cookbook
deal. Out next year, itll feature all her favourite French-inspired recipes.
Just dont expect to find the one for the pigs-blood sorbet she made
one Halloween. Baaaad memories. ninafood.com

for fashion credits, see address book

emilie Holmes
As the daughter of an
ex-ambassador to France, Sir John
Holmes, Emilie, 27, knows how to
be charming. And she knows how
to keep difficult customers happy
(no one is trickier than a
Frenchman). Which is jolly useful
when youre dealing with a queue
of builders jonesing for their 8am
caffeine fix. The Old Marlburian
started trading in tea and crumpets
this time last year, having raised
14,000 in 26 days by detailing
her mission on the crowdsourcefunding website Kickstarter. Her
372 pledgers even helped her
choose her vans name, picking
Watson (as in Holmes and
Watson) over the stupidly brilliant
Chai-tea Chai-tea Bang Bang
and Jean Paul Go-Tea-Hey.
goodandpropertea.com (

Bugger! My
trousers have
ripped...

The Mormons? sixties political scandals? swedish supergroups? Pah.

all that
Bullingdon!

this one will run forever!!

No one uses
phones that look
like this any more

hacked
off

Act 1

Act 1

As the curtain goes up, the stage is full of men in navy-blue

tailcoats, riding around on tricycles. Born to rule, they sing.
Oh, what a fluke! / Born to rule! / And also to puke! Eventually,
they all end up lying face-down on the stage with their heads
in buckets. Next, we see a group of them in a restaurant,
throwing bottles at some elaborately dancing waiters.

The stage is full of models, film stars and football

players, and theyre all singing about nobody being
able to keep a secret, and how hard that makes
it to trust friends and hairdressers.

Im going so fast,
Im going to hurl!
Ha ha ha!

Boy 1 (conversationally) The thing is,

old chap, its our sacred duty to be in
charge, for the good of the oiks.
Boy 2 Get him in the bollocks!
Boy 1 Im serious. Were serious people!
Serious People is sung to the tune
of Common People by Pulp. The lyrics are
all about friendship, duty and responsibility.
And, as they sing, thanks to a tilted overhead
mirror, we can see they are all arranging themselves
into the shape of a giant penis.

Act 2
Jump forwards 30 years. Three old members the
Prime Minister, the chancellor and the Mayor of London
are standing with the other old members, and sing a series
of confused ditties about not remembering them at all,
because they werent important enough. Then, as a rousing
finale, they sing a song, to the tune of Billy Joels We
Didnt Start the Fire, that lists every famous member
of the Bullingdon Club...
Gottfried von Bismarck / Frederick IX of Denmark
Prince Paul of Yugoslavia / And the 9th earl spencer
Prince leopold, Duke of Albany / And sir ludovic Kennedy
John Profumo, Cecil rhodes / really, theres loads and loads
Darius Guppy with his demands / The current King of
Thailand / Michael Ancram, hard to rhyme / Also the
guy who presents Question Time...

Chorus We didnt start the fire! In fact, yes we

did, in your pot plant, will you take a cheque?
Curtain falls

110 T a T l e r j a N U a r y 2 0 1 4

Hugh Grant (sings) Its not fair that

they know when my relationships fail!
Jordan (sings) Its not fair that Ive nothing left to sell
to the Daily Mail!
Then the stage fills with dirty-looking journalists.
Theyre singing a song, to the tune of I Should Be So Lucky
by Kylie Minogue, that runs...
Our big imaginations
Can take some big vacations
Because weve learned to listen in
To everybodys moans
On everybodys phones
Because they never change their PIN
We should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, etc.
Then theres another verse about doing it to royals and victims
of crime, and getting found out, and going to jail. Then
Piers Morgan pops up with a song called Didnt Do This,
about the way he totally didnt ever do this.

Act 2
First, theres a big dance number with everybody dressed as
lawyers. Then a man dressed as a judge gets up and starts a
number called My Inquiry, which goes on for so very, very
long that the audience more or less forgets what hes talking
about and gets incredibly bored and wanders off home.
Curtain falls

PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES, ISTOCK, SHUTTERSTOCK

the West End says WOW!

We know what makes a really good musical. Hugo rifkind digs out his leotard and turns librettist
a toe-tapper for the undecided!!!

its a royal riot!!!!

the sound
of clegg

harrys the
king and i

Act 1

Act 1

Nick is on a ski lift, wearing a yellow all-in-one

snowsuit. To his left is a man in a red snowsuit.
To his right is a man in a blue one.

On stage, a small boy in a cloak and a crown is

having a tantrum while being chased from stage left to stage
right by prancing footmen. Another, with bright red hair, is
sitting on a chair in the middle, being ignored by everyone,
and crooning sadly about how hell never be king.
{FAsT FOrWArD TO ADOlesCeNCe }

nick (sings) Im always in the middle / Always

in the middle / Nobody hates me / Because Im
always in the middle.
Other men (chorus) We dont even know who you are.
Next we meet Miriam, his wife, and the pair
sing a violent duet about how they dont want to
live in Britain, because its horrid, but they probably
have to anyway. Then we see an extended dance
sequence during which Nick rises through the ranks
of the Liberal Democrats. In the background, other
people with yellow rosettes on have weird and unlikely
sex. Finally, we see him standing at a lectern, with a
yellow tie on, between a man with a red one and a
man with a blue one.

Man with blue tie I agree with Nick!

Man with red tie I agree with Nick!
full-cast chorus We agree with Nick!

The stage looks like a nightclub and the situation is reversed.

Now its the boy in the crown who sits, primly. The red-haired
boy is being chased by women. His song morphs into a
version of Boys, Boys, Boys by Sabrina, but with the lyrics
changed to girls, girls, girls. Then it becomes boys, boys, boys
and the women are all replaced by soldiers.

Wills Bro, these days Im jealous of you.

Harry (sings, sadly) But Ill never be king!
Charles (sings, sadly) But potentially neither will I!

Act 2
A nightclub again. Harry sings his Girls, Girls, Girls
song again, but this time forlornly. Hes bored. He wants
to move on. Suddenly, he and Wills are in a ballroom
in morning coats, strewn with mess.

Act 2

Harry Bro! Great wedding!

As the curtain goes up, Nick is singing a long, involved aria

about the AV referendum. The rest of the stage is full
of members of the public, who keep pirouetting away from
him, looking bored as hell. Then some people come on stage
in wheelchairs and sing about how they dont like him any
more. Then some students come on, with placards about
tuition fees, and sing about how they dont either.

Wills Whens yours, you old dog?

nick (sings) I thought I could govern but I just wasnt able

I might as well resign in favour of Vince Cable.
Man with blue tie I agree with Nick!
Man with red tie I agree with Nick!
full-cast chorus We agree with Nick!
Curtain falls

Hugo rifkind writes for The Times

Harry (sings) Id like a wife like yours / But a bit more fun / and
somebody posher than her sister / The one with the bum.
For the next few scenes,
Harry gallivants around to music festivals
with cressida, an attractive blonde.
For the grand finale, we see their wedding.
Both are standing on a billiard table. She wears a
big white dress. He wears nothing and cups
his genitals. Around them, scantily clad women
pirouette, taking their clothes off.

Harry Ill never be king! But I can sING!

Curtain falls

TaT l er jaN Uary 2014

111

The big beasts of fashion

ponder that most pressing
of problems what to
wear between seasons
Photographed by masha mel

Styled by deep kailey

TaT l er jan uary 2014

113

this page, silk

embellished dress,
3,145, by prada.
leather bag,
1,700, by fendi
opposite page, wool
dress with swarovski
crystals, 1,800,
by christopher
Kane. woven-straw
shoes (just visible),
520, by bottega
veneta. leather
bag, 895, by saint
laurent by hedi
slimane. yellowgold ring, 4,670, by
repossi, at dover
street marKet

this page, silkorganza dress,

31,000, by chanel.
gold & swarovskicrystal ear cuff,
50, by maria
francesca pepe
opposite page,
cotton & wool-knit
dress, 2,200, by
dior. leather bag,
1,508, by givenchy

this page,
silk-jacquard
dress, 1,361,
by peter pilotto.
leather shoes,
420, by nicholas
kirkwood for
erdem. leather
bag, 895, by saint
laurent by hedi
slimane. rose-gold,
diamond & ivory
ring, 1,020, by
shaun leane
opposite page,
cotton dress,
1,030, by missoni.
rings, as before

THIS page, wool

cardigan, 760;
cotton skirt, 340,
both by versace.
ring, as before
OppOSITe page,
leather & tweed
jacket, 2,765;
leather & tweed
trousers, 2,010;
both by louis
vuitton. leather
bag, poa, by fendi.
ring & ear cuff,
as before
for stockists, see
address book. hair
by stephen low
at neville salon,
using shu uemura.
make-up by jo
frost at clm hair
& make-up, using
giorgio armani
cosmetics &
skincare. model,
molly smith at
next model
management.
fashion assistant,
emma simmonds.
production,
tomasina lebus
giraffes molly,
margaret and
ellish groomed
by senior
keeper lucy
hawley, using
a broom and a
garden hose.
lemurs smeagol
and bottle-brush
also groomed
by lucy, using
a hairbrush
and kohl
shot on location
at Zsl london
Zoo (Zsl.org)

However rich you are, however well educated, however

well bred, you can still be a victim of domestic abuse.
Charlotte Edwardes on the issue that knows no class
Photographed by stuart fisHEr
TaT l er jan uary 2014

123

Were there no outward signs? Well, if there were, I was too naive [to
ou cant tell from the framed photograph: a
notice]. He seemed very sophisticated and I was completely bowled
dark-haired and dashing man in his early 30s, smile
over. She pauses to light a cigarette. Its so easy to appeal to a womans
cocked, cigarette dangling, brace held aloft, 12-bore
vanity, isnt it? And a lot of women cant bear to be alone.
under his arm. And if you drag your eyes from that
Although he was everything on paper, Violets parents never really
snapshot, you cant tell from the drawing room,
knew him. If my father had known? I should think hed have taken out
dotted with expensive coffee-table books, a spray of
a gun and shot him. Sadly, her father, who was very doddery by the
roses in a Chinese vase, a portly spaniel quietly out
time we married, died shortly afterwards and never realised that
cold on the sofa. All is apparently peaceful and privileged, civilised and
cultured. But it was in this Dorset living room that some appalling acts the man to whom he had given his daughters hand was a violent and
controlling bully, brimming with cold rage.
of violence took place against its owner, Violet*, during her 18-year
Violet lied to her daughters (born one and four years after she
marriage. She is lucky to be alive. When she was 35, her husband
married), covering up for their father when she was injured. It was with
smashed her face through a greenhouse window. When she lifts her
regret that she sent them away to prep school, in part to protect them
fringe, you can see the white scars.
from his temper. I thought I didnt have a choice, she says. But they
Two women are killed every week in this country by their husbands
knew, of course.
or partners and, astonishingly, a quarter of all women will experience
It was her eldest daughter who, when she was 13, begged her mother
domestic violence in their lifetime (last year, 1.2m, according to
to leave after a row so brutal that Violets husband grabbed her hair and
Government figures). On average, a woman will suffer 35 assaults
punched her face through the greenhouse window. The memory is
before she finally leaves her abuser the point of leaving being the
still painful and Violet stops talking and pinches the bridge of her nose
most dangerous time. Last March, the government widened the
to stop the tears. How can I possibly explain?
definition of domestic abuse to include not just violence but controlling,
Like many women of her class, Violet hid her suffering behind a
coercive or threatening behaviour, which can encompass psychological,
pretend smile and a lot of Chanel. The world she inhabited with her
physical, sexual, financial or emotional abuse. Marital rape was
husband was tight. And he hid his temper in public. He could switch
criminalised in 1991.
the other way and be terribly generous, she says. He was a wonderful
Recent headlines are a reminder that the upper classes are no less at
risk. In June, Charles Saatchi was photographed with a firm grip round host. Very funny, very clever.
Did Violets friends ever guess? If they did, they turned a blind eye.
the throat of his then wife Nigella Lawson during lunch at Scotts in
People are very forgiving of someone with a lot of money and a
Mayfair. Nigella looked desperate. Saatchi smoked a fag. They have
public profile. They are indeed. There still exist apologists for Lord
since divorced.
Lucan, who bludgeoned his childrens nanny to death in their Belgravia
Damian Brenninkmeyer, 42, formerly head of old masters at
flat in November 1974. Hed mistaken her
Christies and a member of
for his wife, Veronica, whom hed been
a Dutch multibillion-dollar property and
harassing since he lost custody of their
retail dynasty, was given a suspended sentence
three children. Hed accused her of being
last August for beating his wife Fiona, 40, for
mentally ill, tailed her in his car, taped phone
10 years. The first time was when she was
1 Is your partner jealous and possessive?
calls and tampered with her milk delivery.
eight months pregnant on honeymoon. The
2 Are you afraid of him?
She said he beat her with a cane and pushed
last was in July, in front of their two daughters
3 Do you feel isolated? Does he cut you
her down the stairs. Some of his aristocratic
in Fulham.
off from family and friends?
circle remained loyal.
While as a society we are finally opening
4 Do you ever change your behaviour to
There are plenty who excuse Charles
our eyes to domestic abuse, victims still feel
avoid making him angry?
Saatchi too, saying who knows what goes
stigmatised. Many stay quiet about their
5 Does he humiliate or insult you?
on in someone elses marriage? But this
experiences. Violet like all the women Tatler
6 Does he say that you are useless and
attitude is part of the problem, Refuge
spoke to through the charities Refuge and
couldnt cope without him? Does he
points out. It denies the blatantly obvious.
Womens Aid only agreed to speak on
constantly criticise you?
It isolates victims.
condition of anonymity. Its the shame of it,
7 Does he tell you what to wear or how
Sandra Horley, chief executive of Refuge,
she says. Theres a sense youll be frowned
to do your hair?
says: Abusive men are just as likely to be
upon for not walking away; that youll appear
8 Does he check your email, Facebook,
lawyers, accountants and judges as they are to
weak. What people dont seem to understand
Twitter or text messages?
be unemployed. Its about power and control.
is that [the relationship] doesnt start that way
9 Is he charming one minute and
It is a pattern of behaviour that often involves
it starts out as a great romance.
abusive the next?
extreme jealousy and possessiveness,
Violets husband, an Old Etonian, was
10 Does he control your money?
humiliation and intimidation.
very charming indeed when they first met;
11 Does he make you feel unsure of
Controlling behaviour is often mistaken as
attentive, seemingly besotted and very
your own judgement?
romantic, adds Polly Neate, chief executive of
persistent. He spotted her at a busy drinks
12 Does he drive fast because he knows
Womens Aid: He loves you so much he cant
party given by a university friend in Chelsea
it scares you? Has he ever locked you
let you out of his sight, that sort of thing. We
and shouldered through the crowd to reach
out of the house during arguments?
all have a chink in our armour that could be
her. His focus was directed entirely on me. It
13 Does he smash the furniture or
exploited by a clever, controlling man.
was impossible not to be flattered, she says.
damage your possessions?
Caroline, 41, who is well educated with an
Violet was a graduate in her early 20s; he
14 Does he kick the dogs?
excellent degree and lives in Maida Vale, says
was eight years older. He had a house, a car
15 Does he threaten to kidnap or get
she thought she was pretty emotionally
and a close group of friends. He liked horses,
custody of the children?
astute when she met her future partner, who
wine, skiing, shooting and mountaineering.

warning signs

*Names have been changed

worked at an investment bank, nearly a decade ago. As their affair

intensified, he flew her around the world to meet him, whenever and
wherever, because he wanted to see me so much. She read his pleas for
her to move into the pretty cottage he owned in west London as
passionate desperately exciting and agreed. Now I see that was
controlling, she says.
When he was nice, he was wonderful, Caroline adds. So she blamed
his temper on work pressure. He started getting very aggressive with
me, calling me vile names. Everything was my fault. Everything. She
began to blame herself too, and when she was made redundant she was
completely at his mercy.
They married and moved into a Victorian house in Notting Hill. But
when she became pregnant, the violence started. At private antenatal
appointments, Caroline would explain away bruises left by punches
and kicks. I said Id fallen down the stairs when actually hed kneed me
in the stomach. (Later in court he said shed run into his knee.)
The violence was sporadic, and could be sparked by anything.
Whenever their relationship reached breaking point, however, hed
reel me back, saying it wasnt
going to be like that any more,
that he wanted a family.
But after her second child,
the violence escalated.
One afternoon, a mundane
discussion about the garden
turned into a frenzied attack.
He was pulverising me. Then I
was on the floor and he was
stamping on me. I thought he
would kill me. The baby, just a
few weeks old, was lying on the change mat. She locked herself in
the bathroom with both children and called the police, dropping the
keys out of the window when they arrived. At the end of my statement,
the policeman said, And Ill write that youre leaving him?
I said, No. Why would you write that? He was young and I could
see from his face he was devastated. He would be the one who had to
turn up when it happened again.
Like Violet, Caroline finds it difficult to explain why she stayed for
so long. Shame. You cant tell anyone what are you going to say?
And despite living in the midst of glossy social fanfare, I was
completely isolated, very lonely and lost. I couldnt imagine going to [a
charity like] Refuge for help. Financially, I felt completely dependent
on him trapped. Only after the intervention of police, courts, social
services, her parents and the help of Refuge did Caroline escape. Her
advice now? Never, no matter how much you love him, become totally
financially dependent.
Other women speak of being imprisoned by their husbands money,
cut off from friends and family, as well as access to lawyers. A British
aristocrat, now in her 40s, who married young into one of Europes
leading families, didnt see her friends for the entire marriage. From
the outside it was fairytale multiple houses worldwide, yachts, private
aircraft, a payroll of staff, a floor of couture with its own attendant.

But her prince was a controlling megalomaniac born into severe

dysfunction, and her life was an insufferable prison.
Miles Preston, who specialises in divorce law, says that some women
have the mental stuffing knocked out from years of subtle control. Its
hard for them to pluck up the courage to go to a lawyer. The husband
might say, Youll get nothing, or Itll be World War Three. Or the
wife thinks, How can I get out I have no access to money?
Preston helps women secure loans against their settlement. We also
go to court to secure non-molestation orders or occupation orders [that
banish an abuser from the family home].
Cecilia, 69, was married to the CEO of a consulting group on a
very large salary. He reminded her constantly that it was his money
she lived on. She maintained their family home and brought up
three sons. But she was abused daily, derided for her looks, her weight,
her clothes, her judgement and her skills as a wife and mother. He
called her a f***ing c*** in front of her children. He also used to go
on and on about his conjugal rights.
If youre in a grotty flat, perhaps its easier to leave, she says brutally.
On her fourth attempt, after 31
years of marriage, however, she
did. He was completely
shocked that I was entitled to
so much in the settlement. And
he was furious that I was
awarded a share of his pension.
Helen Grant, the
Conservative MP, worked for
24 years as a domestic-abuse
lawyer and says she has seen
many women who are
multimillionaires in my office seeking protection. I have also helped
many young girls who had literally nothing. All of them wanted one
thing: to be believed and to be helped.
The assumption that upper- and middle-class people dont
experience this sort of thing makes it particularly difficult to admit,
adds Polly Neate. Husbands might be very prominent and influential
literally the last person youd imagine.
One case involved the wife of a Guards officer with Special Forces
training who thought to beat his wife so that the bruises would not be
seen. There was another case where the abuser was so powerful that
when his victim was taken to hospital she found all her medical records
had been wiped, says Neate.
Violet never left her husband. He died in a car accident. She now
thinks of him as profoundly disturbed, partly because of his cold
English childhood.
People think [abusers] are born from deprivation, poverty. Actually,
research points to emotional neglect as an infant, she says.
In her case, it was not finance that stopped her leaving, but lack of
support. I had no real friends, she says. No confidence, no self-belief,
no sense of being a valued person. Im not saying that wouldve changed
everything. But if one person had stuck their hand out and offered to
help... well, maybe things wouldve been a little bit different. (

PEOPLE ARE VERY

FORGIVING OF
SOMEONE WITH A LOT
OF MONEY AND
A PUBLIC PROFILE

If you are a victim of domestic abuse:

1. The first step is to recognise youre being abused. Just because a man doesnt hit you, doesnt mean youre not being abused.
2. Its not your fault abuse is a choice your partner makes and only he is responsible. No one has the right to hurt you or your children.
3. Reach out speak to someone you trust or contact, in confidence, a specialist organisation like Refuge, which can offer you help and support.
But dont let anyone rush you into a decision only you know whats safest for you and your children. Domestic violence is a crime.

Refuge and Womens Aid: refuge.org.uk; womensaid.org.uk; 0808 2000 247. Rape Crisis: rapecrisis.org.uk; 0808 802 9999
TaT l er jan uary 2014

125

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VOGUE ON DESIGNERS
AVAILABLE NOW

VOGUE ON CRISTOBAL BALENCIAGA by Susan Irvine (ISBN 978 1 84949 311 6) VOGUE ON COCO CHANEL by Bronwyn Cosgrave (ISBN 978 1 84949 111 2) VOGUE ON CHRISTIAN DIOR by Charlotte Sinclair (ISBN 978 1 84949 112 9)
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Hom e
Edited by GERRI GALLAGHER

Nothing too grand

The dining room,

designed around
a French Empire
carpet, featuring a
portrait inspired
by Ghirlandaio

Do not adjust your eyes. This kaleidoscope of fabulousness is actually

someones dining room. Howard Slatkin, New Yorks master of luxury, opens
up his Fifth Avenue apartment to show lesser mortals how its done

Hom e

left, the
flower
room.
right,
the hall
leading
to the
sCreening
room

s there anything grander, more

regal, more comme il faut than
a truly grand American? They
do detail. European grandeur can
be sloppy, because we tend to feel
that a little disarray is smart. But
Americans the majestic ones
have powerfully high standards.
In his book Fifth Avenue Style, the patrician
decorator Howard Slatkin allows us into
his splendid New York apartment. We are
given access to its very nooks and crannies.
We can peer around corners and into
cupboards and under beds.
Put it this way: here we have an entire
weighty coffee-table book featuring only
one apartment, warts and all. Only joking
of course there are no warts, only beauty
spots. From the Meissen china to the
porcelain flowering plants to the Louis
XVI gilded glass panels. From the mosaic
vestibule to the neoclassical painted wall
panels to the hand-embroidered fabrics

128

TaT l er jan uary 2014

to the raffia, hand-woven in Guatemala. Not

for me the ubiquitous white marble, explains
Slatkin unnecessarily, as he ushers us into his
taupe, grey-blue and cocoa bathroom, with
its Dutch armoire swiped from Luton Hoo,
its rope-themed gold taps and its felted-wool
appliqud curtains. For the dining room,
I had two points of departure, he declares.
The first was Raphaels Loggia at the
Vatican... Aspirational doesnt begin to
cover it. This is inspirationally big thinking.
It is completely compelling: a glimpse into
a life of creative perfectionism. He even has a
candle room and a flower room. Collections
be they Japanese ceramics or miniature chairs
cluster in corners. Nothing exists alone; each
aspect and feature reflects its surroundings
and the rhythm of the whole. This is high-end
transatlantic voyeurism. Loveably absurd, totally
desirable and ultimately if you have ever
laid a table fascinating. Mary Dudley
Fifth Avenue Style by Howard Slatkin
is published by the Vendome Press at 40.

left, the
turqueriestyle
sCreening
room.
right, the
baCk hall

I had two points of departure. One

was Raphaels Loggia at the Vatican

left, a
guest
bedroom.
right, the
dining room
with its
view of
Central
park

Hom e
TOP CAT

OMG. Matthew Williamson

has a new home collection and
it includes this Tyger Tyger
wallpaper, 98 a roll. Youre
gonna hear us roar. At Osborne
& Little (020 7352 1456).

Your dog deserves a bed fit for a king

like this one by Oka, 75, with its
faux-fur lining. In fact, its so cosy youll
want to kick the dog out and bunk
down in it yourself. okadirect.com

me firsT

Form an orderly queue,

art lovers online luxury
marketplace 1stdibs is
launching a fine-art search
engine with the Society of
London Art Dealers. Get
your hands on the best
sculpture, prints and
contemporary works from
25 premier dealers like
this 30-foot Nic Fiddian
Green bronze. 1stdibs.com

Gather round, kitchen fans, and

meet Goldreif, sister brand to
Poggenpohl. Its got a lot of the same
Poggenpohl features but at a
smart price. With 140 colours to
choose from, youll love it more than
your entire family. goldreif.com

TAble TAlk

Look at this cool table, 55, with its bright

pink legs. If you heart it too, wing your
way to Achica, a members-only online
store that offers up to 70 per cent off the
high street on everything from big-name
brand furniture to lighting. achica.com

grey Pride

Theres grey, theres grey and

theres more grey. But which to
choose? Little Greene has
a whole host of grey paints to
pick from, so theres no way
you wont find the one youre
after. *Avoids Fifty Shades
gag* littlegreene.com

1300T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

siTTing PreTTy

Out of 10, how much do you want this sofa?

10? 17? 75? We hear you. Make haste to
Fox Linton for its Ensemble London
furniture range. Full Sail sofa by John Hutton
Design, from 4,020. foxlinton.com

zOOm in

The Chilterns, 44 outrageously gorgeous

apartments in Marylebone, are coming onto
the market. An original David Bailey photograph
is even thrown in when you buy one.
Thats actually true. thechilternsw1.com

TATLER pRomoTion

rocket fuel

For private parties with a difference, gastronomic catering company

Rocket has food, fun and frolics down to a fine art
Established and headed up by brother and
sister team Michael and Caroline Symonds,
boutique catering company Rocket is made
for those who appreciate the finer things in
life. It oozes exquisite taste and creative
flair, whilst simultaneously serving up some
of the most mouth-watering and artistically
beautiful food on the party scene. The
criteria for staff includes being charming
and knowledgeable with an eagle eye for
detail (Michael has
been known to test
potential employees
on spellings of
obscure ingredients
at interview), and
chefs have been
lured away from
Londons top restaurants to join this
formidable food force.
While cuisine is its foremost passion,
Rocket also knows the key ingredients to
throwing a rip-roaring, world-class event and
boasts a bulging little black book of contacts.
The corporate client list tells its own story:
repeat customers have included the Serpentine
Gallery (for its Summer Party) and Cond

Nasts celebrity-rammed Glamour Awards,

and theres even a dedicated team that travels
the world feeding Lewis Hamilton on the
Formula 1 circuit.
And it seems staff arent remotely fazed by
dealing with less-than-usual requests. One
250-strong wedding took place in a marquee
floating on a lake, a beach-themed 18thbirthday party required an entire venue to be
filled with sand, while one client had Brazilian
samba dancers strutting
their stuff on the tables
during pudding at
his 40th. But our
personal favourite?
We were once
asked to magic a
dish of hot octopus
out of a bush in the middle of Richmond
Park for an oligarchs daughters 10thbirthday party, Michael tells us. Theres
never a dull moment with Rocket.

One beach-themed
18th-birthday party
required an entire venue
to be filled with sand

For more information, contact

Michael Symonds at Rocket
on 020 7622 2320 or visit
rocketfood.net

Be au t y
Edited by Fr ancesca white

illustration: rene Gruau society,

Paris (reneGruau.com)

Time To
STarT over
Lets cut to the chase. why waste time
preaching about fresh starts and
self-improvement, only to fall short in
the first week of January? so heres an
idea. Forget everything else that you
read about new regimes, new diets, a
new you. if you make one resolution,
one commitment, let this be it: serum.
not just any old serum, but the serum.
an all-singing, all-dancing serum, from
our friends at crme de la Mer. the
very same people who brought us the
radiant serum, the regenerating
serum, the concentrate and, most
recently, the Lifting intensifier have
gone one step further with their (drum
roll) new Lifting contour serum,
230 for 30ml and on counter
from 1 January*. theres that same
apothecary-style bottle, that silky,
sink-in-able texture, the signature
Miracle Broth base. But the twist is the
Lift Ferment, a frisky blend of marine
peptides and brown algae. its taken
four years of tinkering with, of testing
and tweaking and fine-tuning. the
result? a serum that makes cheekbones
look chiselled and jawlines defined,
that takes your face and sort of hoiks it
up. Pat it on, work it in and skin feels
instantly tighter. Do this for four weeks
and youll notice things start to
look sharper, more shapely. Used
morning and night, itll see you though
till spring. which is a heck
of a lot longer than most new
Years resolutions. Francesca White
*Thats right New Years Day. Which
means no matter how rough you
wake up feeling, youd be mad not
to be in line for this.

Beauty f lash
where am i again?
Who cares, when the hotel-bathroom goodies are this fabulous.
And yes, you can steal them, says our travel editor Francisca Kellett

o you remember what hotel

toiletries used to be like? Those
tiny bottles or, heaven help
us, sachets of pale yellow goo.
Goo that smelled like a Spanish waiter whod
wiped himself with a lemon towelette. And
those little Vim-scented soaps and cling-filmwrapped packets of cotton buds. (Did they call
them vanity sets? I think they did.) Or youd
find a pump dispenser: ceramic, shaped like a
swan, half-filled with white musk body lotion.
So what did we do? One of three things.
1) Wed spend a months salary on overpriced
travel-sized products. 2) Wed patiently decant
unguents into little bottles from Muji. 3) Wed
buy minis at the airport, then curse the physics
of flying as they burst in our hand luggage.
I often get asked what I pack. Thats the thing
about travelling for your job: people think that
youre good at packing. They also think that
you have a chic travel washbag full of the best

mini beauty products. I do have a travel

washbag, but it is more shabby than chic, and
I never quite get round to unpacking it, which
means its filled with discarded deodorants and
old toothbrushes and ONE MILLION Hello
Kitty hairclips, which I can never find during
the 8.45am screaming bedlam to get to school.
Whenever I go away, I have to sift through the
rubble, discard the flotsam, despair at the leaked
shampoo that has caked the bottom in foam
and all thats left are a few empty bottles that
I stole from the last hotel I stayed in.
Because heres the thing: people ask the wrong
question. They ask what to pack, when actually
they should be asking where to stay. Stay in the
right place, and you dont have to pack a thing.
Hotel toiletries, you see, have changed.
Choose your hotel carefully and youll find the
silkiest body lotions, which smell so delicious
that you want to drink them. Youll find
shampoos that will leave your hair so soft,

so porn-star bouncy, that you wont need to

use a dryer. The best will be in big, proper-size
bottles, not the scrimpy ones that see you
through half a shower. Some hotels make their
own-brand sunscreen clever or mosquito
repellent, packed with a citrusy zest. Others
will leave flasks of post-sun serum in the
bathroom, or tubes of hand cream by the bed.
The finest have a real sense of place; theyll use
local ingredients that make you feel like youre
slathering yourself in a thick slice of holiday.
Be warned. These products may work
near-miracles while youre away, but not when
you get home. That bouncy hair may be due
to the water. Your smooth forehead could be
because youre spending all day snoring on
a sunlounger. But who cares? You look good,
you feel good, your suitcase has been spared
the exploding soap. And you wont smell like a
Spanish waiter. Unless youve chosen to smell
like a Spanish waiter. But thats a different story.

Be au t y

ta k e m e h o m e
The most irresistible five-star treats in the world. By Francesca White
coqui-coqui
Orange Blossom Eau de Cologne, 26
Hotel Coqui-Coqui, Tulum, Mexico.
They say Inspired by the gardens
around the sleepy town of Valladolid.
We say The softest neroli, in a cheery
vial. Try the linen spray your sheets
will smell like theyve been on holiday.

BraMley
Bath Salts, 12
Hotel The Beckford
Arms, Wiltshire.
They say Handmade in
south-west England.
We say Yes, bath salts still exist.
And these are particularly
delicious head-clearingly
minty with real lavender sprigs.

JK caPri
Sun Lotion SPF20
Hotel JK Capri Hotel,
Capri, Italy.
They say Marine scent,
ozone sea salts, seaweed
and ocean winds.
We say Thrillingly
practical the best discovery
youll make in your hotel
room, besides the minibar.

still-lifes: JODY tODD. phOtOgraph: gettY images

P u r e a lt i t u d e
Nourishing Outdoor Cream,
13
Hotel Les Fermes de Marie,
Megve, France.
They say Insulates lips from harmful
outside elements.
We say What youd expect from a balm
made in the Alps, then. Pop it in your
pocket for a quick mid-chairlift slick.

s a n ta M a r i a d e G l i a n G e l i
Tonico, 13
Hotel Bauer Palladio Hotel & Spa, Venice, Italy.
They say Created by inmates in Le Convertite,
a former convent, now a womens prison.
We say Possibly the most beautiful goods
to come out of a jail. And the toner,
with Sicilian lemon, makes our hearts sing.

Maldives
Citronella & Ginger
Body Wash, 6.40
Hotel Lux* Maldives.
They say An element of
surprise, a gasp of pleasure
and a nod to simplicity.
We say It makes a rather
good shower gel too
silky and slippery with a
spicy ka-POW!

africoloGy
Aromatherapy
Body Tonic, 19
Hotel Leopard Hills,
South Africa.
They say Inspired by the
wisdom of traditional healers.
We say Clever stuff. Skinsoothing, mozzie-repelling
and up-at-the-crack-of-dawnfor-a-game-drive zingy.

Green & sPrinG

Repair & Restore Oil, 30
Hotel Cowley Manor,
Oxfordshire.
They say Derived from evening
primrose and camomile.
We say Wonderfully meadowlike. Slosh it in the tub, slap
it on skin then smuggle the
remnants home in your case.

cowshed
Wild Cow Strengthening Shampoo, 16
Hotel Babington House, Somerset.
They say Organic rosehip, cornflower and
seaweed improve vitality and resistance.
We say They also give hair the most glorious
waft even better than Babingtons herb garden.

TaT l er jan uary 2014

135

Be au t y

hree things in life are certain: death, taxes and that one day
your pubic hair will go grey. Which poses the question: do
you feign ignorance, whilst secretly vowing never to walk
around naked again, and have sex with the lights out? Or
do you nip it in the bud, whip the whole lot off and be
done with it? What do chic women actually do when they spot the first
grey hair? And does growing old gracefully really apply downstairs?
Some women arent remotely fazed by the idea, of course. Why should
they be? Its what happens as we get older, and none of us are exempt.
Our mothers generation grew up in an era where pubic hair was it.
Theyve never been into waxing, theyve popped out babies and theyve
had it tidied up again afterwards. Who cares if things down there arent
as sprightly as they once were? But for some, going grey is an issue. To
these women, it is an irrefutable sign
of age. It doesnt feel sexy. Whos
going to want to shag me, they
wonder, with 50 shades going on
down there? Men, the lucky silver
foxes, get away scot-free.
So lets get our facts straight. Blondes (proper blondes, not Josh Woodhighlighted blondes) get off lightly redheads too. Its the dark-haired
that have cause for concern. Theres no set time frame either. You
may have just turned 30, or you might be nearing 50. Either way, be
vigilant. It starts with one, but those critters quickly multiply. And theyre
stubborn, like guests at a party who have outstayed their welcome. To
get rid of them takes planning. But although you can walk into any
salon worth its salt and get the roots on your head done, when it
comes to down there, its a grey area. Admitting to it out loud is tricky
enough. (Theres nothing like a discussion about pubic hair with
friends for oversharing.) The best women to talk to, the ones who dole
out advice along with great dollops of hot wax and excellent small talk,
are, unsurprisingly, the beauticians. These women are utterly
unshockable and they will tell you exactly what needs to be done.
But first, heres what you dont do. Dont pluck unless its just a few.
Whipping off your knickers to reveal a patchy bikini line is not going
to elicit the response you were hoping for. Never be tempted to shave
seat-shifting itchiness will ensue. And forget laser once the pigment
in the hair has disappeared, its too late for the treatment to work.
Take a pair of nail scissors instead, suggests waxing expert Arezoo
Kaviani: Clip it down as much as possible or ask your therapist to do
it for you. On the other hand, you could be gung-ho and just wax it
off. Remove the hair altogether, argues Arezoo, and mentally youll feel
younger. (Although it may be a tad younger than you had been
planning.) More than 50 per cent of her clients come in to get their
grey seen to, ranging from women in their mid-30s to their 80s.
As you age, the texture of the hair changes it becomes coarser,
and hairs become sparser. So waxing is the best option. Wax
regularly and you can modify the shape over time too. Most
women find that the hair goes grey in the middle at first, not
at the top, she says. The most elegant solution is to remove
everything beneath, but to leave a small triangle at the

136 T a T l e r j a n u a r y 2 0 1 4

highest point of your bikini line. Women in the early stages of grey can
get away with this style for several years. From 35; arezoo.co.uk
Of course, this look can be an acquired taste and if ripping your
hairs from their snug follicles on a six-weekly basis doesnt set your
heart on fire, colour might be the way to go. Its never advertised on a
treatments list at a salon (perhaps theyre still wondering how best to
phrase it?) but a couple of beauticians are starting to embrace the idea.
The cleverest are the ones who tint it all in one hit and dont make
you feel like a weirdo for asking. Like Clare Peters at Neville Hair &
Beauty. If someone comes in for a wax with just a couple of grey hairs,
Ill do it for them, she says. You dont need to go into specifics when
youre booking an appointment. Id use a blue/black eyelash tint with a
slightly higher concentration of peroxide, then leave it for about 20
minutes to allow the colour to take.
From 45; nevillehairandbeauty.net
Or why not go the whole hog and
dye it a bright colour? Pink could be
glorious like a small patch of very
colourful grass. How cheering!
Beauty & the Bleach in Dalston offers just that with its Downstairs Dye
service. Its overseen by beautician Chelsea Saunders who came up
with the idea after customers not keen on the pre-pubescent look
complained about a lack of options for greying hair and everyone from
grannies to drag queens passes through its doors. Of clients, 75 per
cent opt for daring colours (pink and blue are the most popular), whilst
25 per cent go for more conservative hues. For a natural way to cover grey,
we suggest a vegetable tint, says Chelsea. Which is far milder than the
tints used in conventional hairdressing. From 40; bleach london.co.uk
This is all marvellous if you have time on your side. But if you make
a sighting hours before exposure? Your best bet is a bit of stealthy
DIY. Bliss has an awesome gadget called Trim and Bare It, 55, which
mows through hair at an extraordinary speed. You can use it in the
shower too. For quick touch-ups, Colour Wow, 29, could be a lifeline.
Its technically for the roots on your head, but in desperate times, this
powder-and-brush combo in every natural colour you could want
might just come to the rescue.
If youve got a bit more time, look to the home-dye kits, 13, at
Minikini (minikinicolour.com): gentle gel formulas in blond, copper,
red and brown, which cover grey without looking matte. They dont
cause irritation, thanks to the lowest percentage of PPDs (a chemical
substance used in dyes). Best of all, its permanent so you can forget
about it. For six weeks, anyway. But beware. According to dermatologist
Stefanie Williams, off-the-shelf hair dye (for your head)
can be irritating if it comes into contact with the
more sensitive skin down there: Which is
practically impossible to avoid especially
when showering it off and could lead to
allergic-contact dermatitis. So take care.
Because nothing is more off-putting
than dermatitis in your nether regions.
Not even a rogue grey hair. (
Brazil? Never
heard of it

photograph: getty images

...is not just an industrious creature with a silvery pelt. It is also a serious issue for smart
women dun certain ge who are still, shall we say, active.
So, what do you do when your bush starts to turn? By Francesca White

TATLER pRomoTion

Happy new skin

With constantly evolving techniques and the launch of his eagerly awaited skincare range,
Dr Prager is determined to make your skin look better than ever this year

Constant improvements
to methods, products and
treatments drive my work.
Through intense research
and development, I strive
to offer the most effective
procedures, ensuring my
patients look their best

Last year,
Dr Prager took
his practice to
another level,
introducing
groundbreaking
products and
treatments,
including the
Skin Topography
Analysis Device
(STAD), a
sophisticated
gadget that takes eight readings of the skin
to help pinpoint areas of concern. Meanwhile,
away from his clinic, the cosmetic doctor was
busy presenting at international conferences,
collaborating with his world-class peers and
publishing research in a scientific journal.
This year, far from resting on his laurels,
Dr Prager is committed to raising the bar even
higher so he can continue to give his patients
exactly what they want. Which, increasingly,
is a way to subtly erase the signs of ageing.
The message that the done look is over has
finally sunk in. Using 'invisible' treatments,
many of them non-surgical, Dr Prager can
turn back the clock, allowing your skin to
regain its youthful radiance.

Dr Prager

DESTINATION: MEDI SPA

In 2013, Dr Prager opened an outpost
of his Medi Spa in St Lucia, at the
BodyHoliday, one of the greatest
Caribbean spa resorts and a firm Tatler
favourite. Here, youll find all Dr Pragers
signature treatments such as the
Illuminator facial, a genius mix of mild
peel and needle-free electrical pulses that
delivers an instant glow and anti-ageing
boost in the most beautiful and relaxing
environment imaginable. The Prager
Clinic will be launching in more desirable
destinations, so watch this space!

Rejoice! This year, Dr Prager is

launching his own skin care range
a small-but-perfectly formed
collection of essential serums,
creams and mesotherapy cocktails
based on herbal and plant extracts
and honed by cutting-edge science.
Top-notch active ingredients have
been formulated with minimal
preservatives in Dr Pragers native
Germany, a country that takes medical
skincare very seriously indeed.
The formulations, which target and
prevent specific issues, are best used
between treatments to maintain skins
lustre. We predict these products will
become a permanent fixture on your
dressing table.

ILLUSTRATION BY FIVE DOLLAR SHAKE

SKINCARE LAUNCH

Dr Prager is based at 25 Wimpole Street, London W1. For more information, call 020 7323 3660 or visit drmichaelprager.com

Be au t y
THE STRAIGHT
& NARROW

Treatments
Time for
an moT
How to get firing on all cylinders again

photographs: alamy, getty images

MENTAL OVERHAUL

What The Intensive.

The lowdown If anything is going to get your head straight,
its this. Not just because Anamaya a holistic little safe
house feels like the sort of place you might choose to
confront your issues. But because six weeks of tackling them
(and heres the crucial bit) from different angles is the most
effective way to heal in the long term. Think psychotherapy
sessions with Talitha Stevenson, who dissects your worries
(sensitively), probes a little deeper when you clam up and
then sits silently when subjects youve buried begin to surface.
Think guided meditation, which takes place in egg-shaped
chairs in a darkened room, where youre taught to visualise
images, channel your thoughts and actually breathe. And
think massage-based bodywork with Graham Doke. Nothing
will prepare you for the pain that this mans fingers can inflict.
Is it physical? Is it mental? Who knows? He taps into the stress
thats seeped into your muscles over time and hes intent on
getting rid of it. Once he has, its like a weight has been lifted.
Our verdict This wont solve your problems. But it will teach
you to identify them, command them and let go of them.
Details 1,750, based on three hours a week, for a six-week
course. At Anamaya, Adam & Eve Mews, W8 (anamya.co.uk;
020 3011 0355).

PICK
ME!

What Grace Intensive Cleanse.

The lowdown Youll come here because you want to take
control. Because youre feeling sluggish, demotivated,
drained all at once. So youll come here, to Grace
Belgravia (probably the smartest women-only club
EVER), because some of Londons top health gurus are
gathered under one roof and theyre hell-bent on getting
you back on track. In just three days. Imagine! Three days
of being held by the hand, fed and watered, and rebooted.
Of blood tests and consultations, treatments and training.
Youll discuss your diet and your sleeping patterns, your
aches and your pains. Youll eat in the restaurant (dishes
like squash and spelt risotto); youll work out in the slick
Matt Roberts gym. Youll squirm in the spa from
suction-y, toxin-shifting massage youll probably even
shower here, because the bathrooms are nicer than your
own. And youll feel like a better person for it.
Our verdict A serious bodily overhaul. And what youll
learn about your lifestyle, body, and overall health means
you might even keep it up for the rest of the year.
Details 2,300 for three days. At Grace Medical, 10 West
Halkin Street, SW1 (gracebelgravia.com; 020 7235 8900).

FINE-TUNING

What Chinese Medicine Consultation.

The lowdown Are you always under
the weather? Feeling out of sync?
Plagued by irksome ailments that you
cant shift? Sometimes traditional
medicine isnt enough and digging a
little deeper is just what the doctor
ordered. So start by signing up to this: a
no-holds-barred investigation into your
health but from an Eastern slant. It
kicks off with streams of questioning
about your nutrition, your exercise
regime and your day-to-day routine.
Your pulses (yes, there are more than one)
are taken and your tongue inspected.
Then its onto the bed for the big guns.
It might be needles (tiny pinpricks,
strategically positioned), or a bit of
acupressure to help dislodge blockages
in your chi. Youre sent home clutching
a shopping list of food, supplements
and herbs to keep you at the top of
your game. Stick it to your fridge so
theres no excuse for letting things slip.
Our verdict A wacky way to rebalance,
but suspend your scepticism. A happier,
healthier state awaits.
Details 200 for 80 minutes.
At the Spa at Mandarin Oriental,
66 Knightsbridge, SW1 (mandarin
oriental.com; 020 7838 9888).

HEALTH IN HAND

What Health concierge at Viavi.

The lowdown This is a concierge
service the concierge service but for
your health. (Quintessentially already
offers it to their members.) This is the
place (clinical but unimposing, led by a
crack team of healthcare professionals)
where your wellbeing is paramount.
Where you can deposit yourself (and
your family) in their capable hands,
have them build a programme tailored
to your needs, and keep it ticking over
in the background. You dont have to be
an athlete or suffering from
a serious illness to qualify
(although theyre brilliant if you
are). You dont need to know whats
wrong. Theyll ask questions, listen
when you explain what niggles,
and do tests to identify the cause.
Then theyll hone in on action
points. It might be nutrition or a
bit of physio; it may be more serious
CT scans or X-rays. Either way, theyll
find specialists, book appointments and
arrange to get you there. Once theyve
got you fighting fit, theyll look to the
future and how to keep you that way.
Our verdict An insane amount of
money but it may just save your life.
Details 10,000 for life membership.
At 9 Devonshire Place, London, W1
(viavi.com; 020 7486 1346).
TaT l er jan uary 2014

139

Be au t y

My cloe-up

Alexa Chung

The TV presenter on relentless hair-washing,

whisky and dressing as a sheep. By Katie Thomas

I own THREE pairs of sunglasses:

Zac Posens, APCs and Ray-Bans.
Im constantly sitting on
them and breaking them.

ONE smoothie a day:

banana + soy milk + honey + dates.

In my fridge
Hummus
Black olives
Cornichons
Cheese
Petits Filous yogurt
Coca-Cola
(to go with
my whisky)
My FIVE handbag staples: bunch of keys,
LOral Mythic Oil , Galaxy chocolate, fish
oils and Le Labo Santal 33 fragrance.

at Neville Hair & Beauty

while Jose Quijano took my
hair from brown to golden.
I just sat there and read The
Unbearable Lightness
of Being.

Laura Mercier Moisture

Suprme Foundation

Shu Uemura
eyelash curlers

I love a double act: last Halloween, I went

as a lamb and my friend went as a farmer.

= more time in bed

purist vs HEDONist
p
B O d H i m AYA , f R A n c E

H E R B H O U S E S PA , H A m P S H i R E

The Bodhimaya Programme. Mingling

Detox Thyme. Expect to spend LOTS of

poolside and sipping green juice in a

Provenal chteau in Cotignac makes
Bodhimaya feel rather house-partyish.
But after yoga with Shiva Rea-trained instructors comes a glass of
Epsom salts, mind-clearing meditation, a bowl of broth and gut-healing
sauerkraut, plus supplements before bed. Then no solids for three days.
Long walks, nutrition talks and blissful spa treatments make time fly (sort
of) until meals resume. Fennel and pear soup; avocado and almond bread,
freshly made. The result? A lighter, enlightened and gluten-free you.
From 2,295 for six nights, including transfers, meals, treatments, consultations
and meditation and nutrition follow-ups (bodhimaya.com; 01753 842018).

140 T a T l e r F e B r U a r Y 2 0 1 4

Blurred Lines by
Robin Thicke
and Pharrell
I Only Have Eyes
For You by The
Flamingos
Astral Weeks by
Van Morrison

Any old soap

S
clEAnER
And
lEAnER

TWO HOURS

Last THREE songs

I downloaded:

Alexa Chung is LOral Professionels

Inoa Colour ambassador

THREE costume
changes per day. One
in the morning, one
outt for work and
then one when I go out
in the evening.

I spent

o t im
l
a

my routine

time outdoors, because the Lime Wood

hotel is slap-bang in the middle of the
New Forest. And the trainers are nuts
about it. Which means youll be squelching along woodland trails,
swinging kettle bells in the lavender-bordered roof garden and
stretching on the heath. But youll also find time for the spa, with
herby ayurvedic facials, lots of muddy, salt-scrubby fun in the
steam room and healthy grub like home-cured salmon in between.
Youll leave feeling brighter and sprightlier. Unless you book supper
at Hartnett Holder & Co, in the hotel, and sneak a glass of wine.
750 a person, double occupancy (limewoodhotel.co.uk; 023 8028 7177).

PROTECTIVE-CREAM SHAMPOO FOR INOA COLOUR TREATED HAIR, 10.40. LOREAL MYTHIC OIL, 16.40. LE LABO SANTAL 33, 105. LAURA
MERCIER MOISTURE SUPREME FOUNDATION, 33. SHU UEMURA EYELASH CURLERS, 20. PHOTOGRAPHS: REX FEATURES, SHUTTERSTOCK

I wash my hair SEVEN times

a week with Inoa colour-care
shampoo. Otherwise, it goes flat.
And I only ever brush it when its wet.

Sta r s

Zodiac

b y S h e l l e y v o n S t ru n c k e l

Finally things make sense After

months of confusion, you learn
what the real problems been.
Genuine New Year resolutions
Each years Capricorn New
Moon is about a fresh
start. But as this ones actually
on 1 January, you begin
2014 with a clean slate.
Best of the month Touching
conversations that reveal how
much others care.

aq u a r i u s

20 January17 February

Listen lots, say little Others

pride leads to unwise
decisions. Let them discover
this for themselves.
Theres no rush Usually, thinking
aheads a virtue. Now, ideally,
pivotal arrangements will wait
until after the Aquarius New
Moon on 30 January.
Best of the month When, at long
last, everybodys talking frankly.
This is a tribute to your tact.

pisCes

18 February19 March

Be firm Ordinarily, youd

avoid being tough with others.
Now you realise they need
to know exactly what you
think and expect.
Sentiment should wait Keeping
your feelings to yourself
isnt easy. But it is essential.
Saying too much
only causes confusion.
Best of the month Those
moments when you realise your
tough regime is paying off.

aries

20 March19 April

Welcome news After months

of frustration, changes in your
work or lifestyle fall into place.
Biggest lesson You say you trust
others, but then take over. Now

142

TaT l er JaN UarY 2014

you learn that in certain

situations they actually
do know better than you.
Best of the month The series
of surprise developments
that free you from
restrictive arrangements.

Ta u r u s

20 April20 May

Dont argue Ordinarily, youd

confront those whore wrong.
Remaining silent may seem
weak, but sidesteps battles that
would only make things worse.
Explore The past can be a good
basis for decisions. Not now.
Best of the month Being
patient till others are ready
to talk. And savouring
the resulting discussions.

Gemini

21 May20 June

Being witty isnt necessarily funny

Some people feel vulnerable
you must choose your words.
Learn from experience Others
advice or research isnt enough.
If youre to truly understand
certain situations, you must
get involved.
Best of the month Gathering
around you those wholl
be trustworthy.

Ca n C e r

21 June21 July

Be patient Frequent
changes make settling plans
swiftly impossible.
Reflect at length The Cancer
Full Moon on the 16th may
rouse intense feelings. But
discussing them intelligently
requires considerable thought.
Best of the month Watching
issues you thought beyond
resolution become more
manageable by the day.

Leo

22 July22 August

You cant please everybody

Those around you arent just
in a demanding mood
their desires clash. Waste
no time on diplomacy. Leave
them to it.
Leave tasks to others Theyre well
able to deal with them. Its just
theyre lazy and hoping
somebody will take over.
Best of the month Truly realising
others problems arent yours.

V i rG o

23 August22 September

Feel free to explore Certain

individuals want decisions made
now for their convenience,

S tA r S t ru c k

Ca p r i Co r n

Mary Beard, 1 January 1955

Capricorns reputation for success via diligence is well earned. Still,
most prefer to keep a low profile, especially Classics scholars
such as Mary Beard. But with her Moon, key to emotions, in fiery,
confident Aries, and warrior planet Mars in idealistic Pisces,
shes fearless and voluble about her views. The resulting
strength enables her to be completely herself, professionally
and as a woman. Thus, her early feminism, anti-fashion stance
and, later, her blog and the firestorms triggered by both her
own provocative remarks and others about her. Yet with five
planets in intuitive water signs, those closest know her softer
side. And the future? Until 2016, Pluto, planet of truth and
power struggles, challenges that ferocious independence. It will
be a battle, but the odds are good that Mary will prevail.

Wondering why the dates for the signs have changed? The explanation is at shelleyvonstrunckel.com

not yours. Be firm. Lots of

questions need answers.
Experience is your teacher Take
chances. The more you risk, the
more youll learn.
Best of the month Discovering
being perfect doesnt matter.

Libra

23 September22 October

Prepare for changes Theyve been

coming. Now they take place.
You come first Mars, planet of
ego and courage, in Libra until
mid-2014, focuses on what,
and who, truly inspires you.
Best of the month When you
exchange concern about
disruptive developments for
excitement about what theyre
introducing into your life.

s Co r p i o

23 October21 November

Take it in stages Are surprises

unsettling? Slowly they could
develop unexpected charms.
Turning point To you,
discussing new ideas only
means youre intrigued not
that youre undertaking them.
Or so you think.
Best of the month Loving new
experiences that, only recently,
youd have turned down flat.

s aG i T Ta r i u s

22 November20 December

A defeat isnt a loss True, plans

arent going as intended.
While frustrating, the
alternatives youll devise
are far better.
Do your sums Budget
your money, but also your
time and even ideas.
Carefully choose when
and how you use them.
Best of the month Finally,
you see yourself as
a student. You savour
the process of learning
and discovery.

PHOTOGRAPH: BARCROFT MEDIA

Ca p r i Co r n

21 December19 January

This is the page youre looking for

Continued FRoM page 68

parents. Will Stadlen

knows parents both
English and international
who want Wetherby
pre-prep in Notting Hill, solely because of
the celebrity parents, he says. Like Eton,
it has added cachet because Princes William
and Harry went there. Wetherby is always
full, with a long waiting list. Mr Snell, the
head, likes to report how dads rush in with
application forms 18 hours after the baby
is born, says Stadlen, and they are still too
late. Fortunately, Mr Snell was able to
find room for the son of an international
sporting icon recently.
And the hustle descends to nursery
places. Heads need smarming. Asked by an
American parent what they could do to
get further up the waiting list, one Notting
Hill nursery owner promptly replied:
You can buy us a new wooden floor.
Younger and younger children are being
tutored. Alice Strutt tutored a four-year-old
German boy for 50 an hour. Her friend,
also an Oxford graduate, tutored a threeyear-old girl. Its basically babysitting,
Strutt says, but for about 50 per cent of the
time you try (and usually fail) to get them
to write a couple of sentences or do some
very simple maths. One family even asked
Bonas MacFarlane Education to provide
someone to do creative play with their
18-month-old. Will Orr-Ewing believes
tutoring below 7+ age, is inappropriate.
We neither encourage nor endorse that.
But do these tutors believe they are
giving wealthy overseas children an
advantage over the English? Cowley says
no: Its not simply buying places at these
schools these kids are exceptionally
bright. But, just occasionally, he thinks
otherwise. He once arrived at a job in
Connaught Square and the door was flung
open by an American woman, pinching
the bridge of her nose like shed just done
a line of cocaine.
The tutors here, she screamed over her
shoulder before allowing her eyes to beetle
over him. I was shown to her son by a
Brazilian manservant. My instructions were
to get the boy into a particular school, a very
good school. They were incredibly rich and
he was already privately educated. The child
was, he says, the rudest, most obnoxious
child. He said, You smell of poor people.
Sitting opposite this thick child, I thought,
Im pushing this child ahead. Hes going to
get into a good school because of me and
he doesnt deserve it. (
Some tutors names have been changed at their
behest to protect the identity of their employers.

This is the page youre looking for

Continued FRoM page 103

relationship with the prince he was our Cyrano

de Bergerac but on pressing the suitability of
the union with the Queen, he overplayed it,
I suppose, and the Queen said what she said.
And he thought that was so funny he repeated
it and you can take it another way, cant you?
You can indeed. And therein lie a lot of
Princess Michaels problems. She is funny and
she is clever. Her son was a Kings Scholar at
Eton, one friend told me, and shes where the
brains come from. She is full of fascinating
information: about an adulterous couple being
run through 100 times with a sword; about
the way in which Venetian grandees made sure
their hair was blonde; about a kings mistress
being painted as the Madone au Lait, with the
kings illegitimate daughter being suckled
at her naked tit. And when she married the
prince she brought some welcome oomph to
a dowdy institution. (Princess Michael and
Tom Troubridge divorced in 1977 and the
marriage was annulled in April 1978; she and
the prince married on June 30 that year.)
But she was not loved by all, and reportedly
fell foul of Princess Margarets legendary
froideur. She was a Catholic, which senior
courtiers disliked; by marrying her, Prince
Michael gave up his right to succeed to the
throne. Prince Michael did not benefit from the
Civil List, and the princess was told that interior
decoration was trade that was the word,
therefore an inappropriate source of income. The
Kents, the princess said, were a self-feeding unit,
but the self-feeding led to jibes about Rent-aKents and sneers at the princesss majestic
demeanour. Princess Pushy became the snider
journalists favourite description, a name said
by some to have been coined by the Princess
Royal. Worse yet, it became all too well-known
that the Kents paid only a peppercorn sum for
Apartment 10 at Kensington Palace, while
maintaining a stunning country house, Nether
Lypiatt (since sold, in 2006, to the Labour peer,
Lord Drayson, for a reported 5.75 million).
Apartment 10 now costs them 120,000 a year.
So, I say, shes been given a rough ride...
Yes. A nano-pause. Thank you very much.
Another beat. Paying rent here!
So what does she say to people who give
her a rough ride?

I... I... Look, I was taught, and I taught my

children, if ever they came back from school
saying, Oh, so and sos fathers got a helicopter,
its not fair, Id say, Fair? Whoever said life had
to be fair? Is it fair that you live in Kensington
Palace? That youve each got a pony? There are
an awful lot of kids without a pony, you know.
Life is not meant to be fair. Youre dealt the
cards and you make the best of them. Ive never
worried about that. Im a survivor.
Really, I say. It would still annoy me if I were
called Princess Pushy.
Well, dont forget... She stops. It wasnt
very nice. But dont forget I only had a onemonth engagement... And off she goes, talking
about Catholicism, Princess Margarets divorce
and how deeply religious her husband is. As
is Princess Alexandra. As is the Duke of Kent.
They dont show off about it, but its there.
(More divertingly, she says it was no surprise
to her when Freddie was born, nine months
and five days after her wedding and all London
was counting; her mother, the countess, got
pregnant both times just like that and had told
her daughter that she would have no trouble
getting pregnant. That Tom Troubridge did
not want children, a sympathetic biographer
writes, is what caused their separation.)
Still, there is an upside to being an HRH:
Wimbledon! Three days! But money remains
a problem. Thats why she turned to writing
history, the first of her three non-fiction books
being published in 1986. Not that books are
especially lucrative, particularly the new novel.
But thats my fault! I didnt want an advance!
Her lectures, though, do well, and Id pay to
hear her on Royal Power: the Substance and the
Show. The prince has many consultancies,
notably in Russia, and the princess herself has
done a little bit of decorating in Russia
consultancy. Ive got five jobs now. Pay the rent!
And her writing might finally hit the jackpot.
Julian Fellowes is an old, old friend his wife,
Emma Kitchener, was long a lady-in-waiting to
the princess and hes going to write a television
series of The Serpent and the Moon once hes
got shot of an American TV commitment.
So theres a blockbuster in prospect. And
prospects are on her mind. She and Prince
Michael have been writing their wills. I said,
If I died, these are the three people Id like
you to look at marrying, because I think
theyd be good for you. She laughs. Im
sorry, Im very European about these things.
Englishwomen dont talk like this, I know.
I also said, If you died first, I have to think
about whether Id stay here, or go back to
Austria. She smiles, knowingly. Im allowed
to stay here if I pay the rent! (
The Queen of Four Kingdoms is published
by Constable in hardback at 18.99.

INTEREST RATES SET TO SOAR

t h e u lt i m at e m at c h m a k i n g s e rv i c e

Global Headquarters: 53 Davies Street Mayfair London W1K 5JH +44 (0)20 7290 9585
EuropE

ASiA

NortH AMEricA

SoutH AMEricA

www.grayandfarrar.com

AuStrALiA

AfricA

Photographer HUGO BURNAND

Social editor TIBBS JENKINS

1984

original scrunchie:
annabel heseltine

1985

1985

champagne
scrunchie:
amelia bicknell

photographs: dan stevens, hugo burnand, dafydd jones, rex features, capital pictures, wireimages, inf, getty images

2009
2009

notting hill
scrunchie:
sienna miller

point-topoint scrunchie:
marian lumsden

1987

new york
scrunchie: sarah
jessica parker

the
evolution
of the
scrunchie

international
scrunchie:
catherine
zeta-jones

2008

Golly, thats
fascinating...

silver scrunchie:
vanessa redgrave

1988

gel and scrunchie:

anouchka harrison

2006

2013

yummy-mummy
scrunchie:
kate winslet

harrys scrunchie:
cressida bonas

1989

rocknroll
scrunchie: kelly
emberg & rod
stewart

2003

premiere
scrunchie:
uma thurman

1992

matchy-matchy
scrunchie:
lady roberts

1993

party-time
scrunchie: the
countess of
westmorland

1990

virgin scrunchie:
charlotte stockdale

1993

headband And
scrunchie: mrs
keven perrett

To see thousands more joyous bystander photographs, go to tatler.com

B ysta n der

GAzOO, GIzMO, MATILDA

WYMAN, VIOLET LEWIS
& SUzANNE WYMAN

WILMAR
& CLAIRE
HORTON

woof trade
Barking madness in Mayfair
BELLA & PRINCE
MICHAEL OF KENT

angermouse the Dachshund let out

a little yelp of canine joy when his
invitation to Ralph Laurens The Walk
a doggie brunch at 5 Hertford Street,
co-hosted by Tatler finally dropped onto
the doormat. The event was held to celebrate
the relaunch of the Ricky Bag and was
in support of Battersea Dogs Home. So
Dangermouse snapped on his natty
plastic-sausage lead and trotted to Mayfair
with his owner Eugenie Warre in tow. He
was soon distracted by an indecent proposal
from Lily Lewiss pooch Lula. Alas, incidents
in his youth (er, cough... the snip) mean
that he is all bark and no bite. Lula and
Lily slunk off in their matching coats with
Patrick Cox and his bulldogs to drink away
their sorrows at Scotts. Which was probably
a good call not long afterwards, a chihuahua
was spied peeing on a Pomeranian.

LOLA, LULA
& MARION KHALILI

DANGERMOUSE
& EUGENIE WARRE
BRUTUS, CAESAR
& PATRICK COx
BAGEL & LUCIA
RAMADAN

Photographed by ALex WiLSon

MAGGIE
& FELICITY
KEMP

COCO, RITA
& ANNABEL
SIMPSON

COCO & LORD

VALENTINE CECIL

NAME NAME
NAME
Florence,

LEO & DREW

SCHIFF

Capri & Fabiana Melo

REx & KAREN
& COLIN RODGER

Now thats
what I call
pedigree, pal!

RUDI
& EMMA
LOGUE

TEDDY & ELLIE

SHEPHERD

A small glass of
Chteau de
Chien for moi

BOO, SOPHIE WINNINGTON

& CARLO CARELLO
SIR MAxIMILIAN
& MICHAEL ASHTON

ROSIE & ALICE

HOLLAND

er
Betsy Marn
POCKET & LADY
MARY-GAYE CURzON

B ysta n der

LADY MELISSA
& THOMAS VAN
STRAUBENZEE

DOMINIC LAMOTTE
& ANTONIA PACKARD

Elizabeth Wilson, Guy Pelly

& Princess Eugenie

VENUS ENVY
Sibling beauties bidding for naughty bits

word of advice. If you should ever

find yourself organising a charity
auction, remember that the aim is to get
the attendees to part with as much cash as
possible, not to cough up your own. But
thats just what Antonia Packard did at
One Mayfair after embarking on a heated
bidding war with her sister, Tessa Packard,
for an Emi Miyashita painting depicting
boobs and penises (it will look lovely above
the mantelpiece). If this wasnt enough to
encourage Thomas van Straubenzee, Guy
Pelly, Hanneli Rupert and everyone else
to dig deep to support victims of domestic
abuse in the UK and raise money for the
Sara Charlton Charitable Foundation, then
surely Antonias enthusiastic gavel action
did the trick. She smashed her dinner plate
with a particularly smart slam of the hammer,
along with raising a grand total of 230,000.

KHALID
& RASHA
KHAWAJA

VISCOUNTESS
WEYMOUTH

TESSA PACKARD
& HENRY REID

TOM BEST &

LARA HELMY

spot the
difference
(Same hair,
different guy!)

CHELSY
DAVY
& HANNELI
RUPERT
KING CHARLES
COSTA & RAFAELA
VAN DER HEYDEN

T h e p ow e r o f n o
No. No. No... I do not want to come to your daughters play, I dont think you look fun dressed in gold crpe (not even at Christmas) and
I really dont want to feed your cat while youre away. Except you will never say this. But the path of constant agreement can only lead to
a lifetime of trouble. You must usher No into your life practice saying it in the mirror pleasantly, cheerily, unflinchingly. Till then...
Heres how to say no to

Will you marry me? Has he

just proposed? In bed? Right after
sex? Oh dear. Listen at this
moment, the only possible response
is yes (whispered meaningfully
if you dont want to break up yet
or look like a slut). But this is in no
way an official contract and you
can retract later. Just do it before
the announcements. (But you can
go through with the process of
buying the ring. Which is fun.)

Come for the weekend! Blast

you and your big mouth Cecilia
now knows youre free and has

already gone and

placemented you
in. Get out of this at
the last minute by
discovering you have nits. A
really serious case. Cuffs and
collars. And the more disgustingly
explicit you are, the less
they will want you
infesting their linen.

Do you want a line? Always

pretend that youve got your
own. Alternatively, heres a thought
just be a grown-up and say,
That is terrifically generous, but
no thank you.

Can I smoke? Coughing

dramatically while saying sure is
just so passive-aggressive; besides,
a nicotine addict doesnt care how
much you wave your inhaler. Grab
their packet and break every
cigarette in half. Soon, none of
your friends will smoke.

Can I take you for

dinner? Swerving this
invitation with the obvious Sure,
lets meet at the Pigs Ear Ill see
who else is around is not the same
thing as saying no. Be upfront or
lie: The problem is, Bella is in love
with you. So... no.

I can drive you back to London

(he is a bore/perv/both) Motion
sickness is a time-honoured strategy.
If they insist, neck half a bottle of cod
liver oil in the loo before you set off
and vomit into their lap. Thatll learn
em. Then get the train as planned.
Can my daughter come and do
a weeks work experience? Ask
about her martini-making skills. Who
cares that you work in finance.

Do you want to come for a walk?

How lovely, let me just finish this
page... Repeat until they get bored
of waiting. Sulk upon their return.

SKYE
TRAYLER
GRAHAM

Who the hell

invited you?

INDIA
cLARKE

LAUREN
PARK &
SANNE FRID
BERNTSEN

Annabel de Rougemont

WILLIAM
DE vERE
SHoRTT

GENIE GENIus
Wishes come true at an epic South Ken shindig

FREDERIcA LovELL-PANK
& GEoRGINA BURDEN

THERE WERE
SoME FRUITY
ToPIcS oF
coNvERSATIoN...

ocation: the Maison des Artistes club in

South Kensington. Action: a cinemascreen faade declaring that tonights main
feature will be India Clarkes 30th. And
what an exotic, fruity and glitzy epic that
turned out to be. The theme was Geishas,
Pineapples and Gold. Emily Crowther
arrived as a human pineapple (a casual
number shed rustled up the night before),
Morgan Mackintosh serenaded the crowd
in a kimono and Tom Slattery materialised
as a gilded genie. Did he grant all of Indias
wishes? Well, maybe. But Roddy Priestley
was the guest whose dreams came true when
one of the steamy cabaret girls from the
Box ambushed him with a big, juicy kiss.
Photographed by Alex WIlSon

My pineapple
is this big...

LUKE
GAMBLE
Not even
this big,
actually!

FLoRA cAMERoN &

GABRIELLA WILcKEN

joSEPHINE
ADAMS

jAY DE vERE SHoRTT

& jAMES WILLIAMS
EMMA ScoTT
& BELLA DIcKIE

B ysta n der

bruce
wollheim

martyn
gayle

In the frame

henry wyndham &

sarah greene

Mayfair exhibition is quite a spectacle

hy dont people wear their specs more

often? They lend so much gravitas.
Better yet, they help you to see clearly, which
was very useful at the opening of an exhibition
of paintings by David Dawson, Lucian
Freuds former assistant, at Marlborough Fine
Art. But just because they are bespectacled
doesnt mean they are boringly respectable:
Kristen McMenamy leapt upon Tobias
Meyer on his arrival, planting a great big
hickey on his neck. Luckily for him, a winter
scarf is a perfectly chic way to cover up all
evidence of such impropriety. (The jury is still
out on polo necks.)

andrew
renton

william
feaver

charlotte
day
rosalie
barkes

david
withers

Photographed by MARCUS DAWES

Have you
seen my knife
anywhere?

Anthony dOffay & David Dawson

santiago mantas
& jane bristowe

ronnie turner
& nigel rose

Lies to tell lefties

You want mice...

But white mice. None of those below-stairs brown

or dirty grey ones. Even today, all proper society
houses still release a batch of specially reared white
mice every autumn much like country folk do
with pheasants and enjoy the sight of them
running around in the corners of the room.
Originally, in fact, this is what cornicing was.
By Hugo Rifkind, who writes for The Times

freuds
filles (et
petite fille)
lucians girls
gather
alice costelloe &
rose pearce

isobel boyt &

bella freud
KKKKKKKKKKKKK

KKKKKKKKKKKKK

three wags

jacobi anstruther - gough-calthorpe

team anstruther-gough-calthorpe
usp hard nut

phil clague
team erleigh & proudlock
usp chic geek

alexander comninos
team steel team
usp cute as pie

fantasy
football
they shoot,
they score...
or not

alicia brion
agostinelli

a load of balls
Jolly kickabout for a good cause

I
chris pratt
team erleigh & proudlock
usp determination

alex gilbert
team hadden-paton
usp mothers ruin

rene Forte gathered pals at her fathers

sweeping estate in Surrey to score some
goals and raise 60,000 for the Samaritans.
Friendly as it was, boys will be boys, and
Viscount Erleighs headband was repeatedly
mocked from the sidelines by Jamie Laing.
Please. A headband is small potatoes.
Who doesnt remember Beckhams sarong?
Photographed by Alex WilSon
gabriella
wilde

pete czernin
team tusas team
usp flamingo force

Ghost, the footba

ll pund
Its a funny old ga it:
me

viscount erleigh
team erleigh & proudlock
usp federer-alike

ben robson
team anstruther-gough-calthorpe
usp game of thrones

ugo monye
team erleigh & proudlock
usp red mohawk

james cadisch
team erleigh & proudlock
usp hug a hoodie

irene
forte

josh de lisser
team anstruther-gough-calthorpe
usp strong profile

CLIVE
DYTOR

B ysta n der

KATIE HILLAN,
BEA JOHNSON,
FENELLA HOULTON &
ISABEL NORRIS

KATIE
FENWICK

A+ ALL ROUND...

THE
WINNERS

Stiff competition at the Tatler Schools Awards

HONOUR
WAINRIGHT
& RUFUS
MCGRATH

BEST SCHOOL FOOD

RACHEL OWENS,
ST GEORGES, ASCOT

ELLA
WOODHOUSE
& ALEX
JOHNSON

lways a bridesmaid, never a bride, or

so the saying goes. Spare a thought,
then, for Nicholas Kaye of Sussex House,
who has been nominated for Best Prep
School at the Tatler Schools Awards on
numerous occasions over the years, only to
be repeatedly pipped to the post. Well, not
this year. Hurrah! Plus hes single, not that
thats relevant I dont know what we were
thinking, since the Schools Awards isnt
a matchmaking night. Its actually a great
piss-up... er, presentation, enthused Clive
Dytor, headmaster of the Oratory School,
on claiming his huge Thomas Lyte trophy
for Best Head of a Public School. He was,
of course, joking. Unlike Kevin Jones
of St Johns College School, who finally
admitted having accidentally smashed his
award for Best Prep back in 2008, when,
on exiting the event, hed dropped his cup
and, horrified, watched it roll beneath a
passing taxi. Fortunately, this year he left the
Dorchester with a new dazzling (and intact)
trophy in hand, replacing the old one by
winning Best Head of a Prep School. Phew!

KEVIN
JONES

BEST HEAD OF
A PREP SCHOOL
KEVIN JONES,
ST JOHNS COLLEGE
SCHOOL
BEST PREP SCHOOL
SUSSEX HOUSE
ANTHONY
SELDON

POWER BEHIND
THE THRONE
KATIE FENWICK,
HAzLEGROVE

RACHEL
OWENS

BEST HEAD OF
A PUBLIC SCHOOL
CLIVE DYTOR,
THE ORATORY SCHOOL
BEST PUBLIC
SCHOOL
WELLINGTON COLLEGE
LIFETIME
ACHIEVEMENT
CLAIRE OULTON,
BENENDEN

CLAIRE
OULTON

NICHOLAS
KAYE

A R E YO U S I T T I N G U N C O M F O RTA b lY ?
Do you have any idea what its like being English? Being so correct all the time, being so stifled by this dread of doing the wrong thing, of
saying to someone Are you married? and hearing My wife left me this morning, or saying Do you have children? and being told they
all burned to death on Wednesday. You see, Wanda, were all terrified of embarrassment. John Cleese, A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
Giving a wedding speech that tanks horribly.

Watching a wedding speech that tanks horribly.

Having to listen to your pals eight-year-old daughter

sing after dinner. Smugly, with jazz hands. Three songs.

Beating your six-year-old cousin at

backgammon and making her cry.

Having spinach in your

teeth all evening.

Bleaching your moustache before unwittingly standing in

UV light at a club (it goes luminous green, FYI).

Laughing when someone tells you they DJ for a living.

Having to tell people that you DJ for a living.

Mis-introducing a university friend as Andrew.

(His name is Albert.)

Your NBF from the other night not

recognising you. At all.

Shooting a sparrowhawk.

Not hitting anything at all (bloody high birds).

PHOTOGRAPHS: ISTOCK, REX FEATURES

Whats more embarrassing?

ASTRID
fINDlAY

lADY & lORD VESTEY

& COUNTESS & EARl
DE lA WARR
lORD & lADY
GRIMTHORPE

MOJITO MADNESS
A knockout party in more ways than one...

THE DUCHESS
Of ROXBURGHE
& lUCY SANGSTER

GIlES HOARE &

HARRY BENYON

SIR MICHAEl STOUTE &

ElIZABETH MCCAlMONT

hey got hitched at Chelsea Town

Hall and are about to have a total
overhaul of their home, Brinkley House,
near Newmarket. So Emma and Teddy
Grimthorpe had the perfect excuse to
throw a shindig. For Ready to Party (the
dress code), they transformed their
drawing room into a nightclub, best friend
Camilla Monckton pitched a stretch tent
outside and Sam Paget Steavenson shook
up some heady cocktails. A certain young
reveller who shall remain nameless had
one mojito too many and fell asleep on the
landing. Or, just maybe, she had exhausted
herself trying to keep up with Sir John
Wrixon-Becher, who was last seen jiving
with a harem of 18-year-old girls.

TATJANA DABO, SOPHIE

WEATHERBY & HENRY DABO

ROSE MACDONAlDBUCHANAN
& fREDDIE BENYON

Jazz hands!

WIllIAM
kIRkPATRICk
THE COUNTESS & EARl
Of RONAlDSHAY

EMMA & SIMON kESWICk

& lADY lAURA PAlMER
lORD & lADY DE MAUlEY
& kIRSTEN RAUSING

A ddr e s s book

PHOTGRAPH: MASHA MEL

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Vogue

3.1 Phillip Lim

at Harvey Nichols
Agent Provocateur
agentprovocateur.com
Annoushka
41 Cadogan Gardens,
SW3 (020 7881 5828)
Biondi Couture
biondicouture.com
Bottega Veneta
33 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7838 9394)
Browns 2327 South
Molton Street, W1
(020 7514 0063)
Burberry
burberry.com
Carolina Bucci
at Browns
Carven
at Harvey Nichols
Chanel 020 7493 5040
Chlo 153 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7823 5348)
Christopher Kane
at Harrods
Dior 31 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7172 0172)
Dolce & Gabbana
68 Old Bond Street,
W1 (020 7659 9000)
Dover Street Market
1718 Dover Street,
W1 (020 7518 0680)
Elie Saab at Harrods
Erdem at Matches
Etername 51 Burlington
Arcade, W1
(020 7495 1943)
Fendi 181 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7838 6288)
Fiya at Kabiri
Flying Fox flyingfox.co.uk
Givenchy givenchy.com
H Stern at Harrods
Harrods 020 7730 1234
Harvey Nichols
harveynichols.com
Herms
155 New Bond Street,
W1 (020 7499 8856)
House of Fraser
houseoffraser.co.uk
Ileana Makri
at Net-a-Porter
Jason Wu
at Montaigne Market
Jessica McCormack
7 Carlos Place,
W1 (020 7491 9999)
Jimmy Choo
32 Sloane Street, SW1
(020 7823 1051)
Jonathan Saunders
at Matches

Kabiri kabiri.co.uk
Karla Colletto
at Biondi Couture
Kenzo 31 Bruton Street,
W1 (020 7491 8469)
La Perla
at Net-a-Porter
Levis levis.com
Louis Vuitton
1719 New Bond Street,
W1 (020 3214 9200)
Louis Vuitton Fine
Jewellery
020 7399 4050
LSA at House of Fraser
Marchon marchon.com
Marco Bicego
at Nigel Milne
Marni 26 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7245 9520)
Maria Black
maria-black.com
Maria Francesca Pepe
mariafrancescapepe.com
Matches
matchesfashion.com
Melissa Odabash
odabash.com
Michael Kors
153 New Bond Street,
W1 (020 7409 0844)
Missoni 93 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7823 1910)
Montaigne Market
montaignemarket.com
Moschino
020 7318 0555
Net-a-Porter
net-a-porter.com
Nicholas Kirkwood
nicholaskirkwood.com
Nigel Milne
020 7491 9201

Zoo, page 112

Noor Fares
at Matches
Norma Kamali
at Net-a-Porter
Nourbel & Le Cavelier
020 7409 0110
Peter Pilotto
at Harvey Nichols
Prada 1618 Old
Bond Street, W1
(020 7647 5000)
Ralph Lauren Blue
Label ralphlauren.com
Repossi at Dover Street
Market
The Rodnik Band
therodnikband.com
and at Selfridges
Rupert Sanderson
rupertsanderson.com

Russell & Bromley

russellandbromley.co.uk
Saint Laurent by Hedi
Slimane 020 7493 1800
Selfridges 020 7318 3603
Shaun Leane
at Selfridges
Simone Rocha at Browns
Sophie Bille Brahe
at Dover Street Market
Sybarite 020 3402 5050
Valentino
174 Sloane Street,
SW1 (020 7235 5855)
Versace versace.com
Violet Lake
violet-lake.com
Zegna Sport
at Harrods

JOLLY SUPER FOODIES, page 104

Pages 104105 Lucy Hambro wears brocade dress, 890; leather and mesh
shoes, 450, both by Dolce & Gabbana. Thom and James Elliot and Boe the Pig
(courtesy of Kew Little Pigs; kewlittlepigs.com) wear their own clothes
Pages 106 107 Jemima Palmer-Tomkinson wears silk & feather dress,
1,499, by Christopher Kane, at Harrods. Pheasant, 195, at Flying Fox.
Rainbow trout, 1.10 for 100g, at Harrods. Sam Paget Steavenson wears
cotton shirt, 149; braces, 89.95, both by Harrods. Jeans, 199, by Zegna
Sport, at Harrods. Cocktail glasses, 25 for two, by LSA, at House of Fraser
Pages 108 109 Nina Parker wears cotton vest with beaded collar, 245,
by 3.1 Phillip Lim, at Harvey Nichols. Denim shorts, from a selection, by
Levis. Suede trainers, 425, by Jimmy Choo. Emilie Holmes wears jersey
dress, 7,815, by Chanel. Suede shoes, 375, by Rupert Sanderson
Hair by Elliot Bssila at Terri Manduca, using Kiehls. Make-up by Rachel Jones
at Terri Manduca, using Bobbi Brown. Fashion assistant, Lucinda Turner

Copyright 2014 Tatler Publishing Company Ltd, Vogue House, Hanover Square, London W1S 1JU (020 7499 9080). Regional office,
Suite 3, 46 Church Street, Wilmslow, Cheshire SK9 1AU (01625 548008; fax: 01625 539730). Colour origination by Tag: Response.
Printed in the UK by Wyndeham Roche Ltd. Published monthly. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written
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TAT L ER JAN UARY 2014

167

Whats it like to be
Lord PhiLiP FitzaLan-hoWards
Meerk at, george

ve lived at Arundel Castle for four years now and, despite

digging a huge network of tunnels in the sand of my enclosure,
Ive yet to discover a single route to the castle interior. There are
10 of us in total, but Im Lord Philips favourite, so youd think
he might have taken me for a play in the Barons Hall. With its huge
ancient tables and chairs, its a meerkat gymnasium waiting to happen.
But no, we all live outside in a heated shed. I shouldnt grumble.
Kim, the zookeeper, provides regular helpings of mealworms, crickets,
fruit and vegetables when Lord Ps at school at Bryanston. And were
securely protected from hungry foxes, which is a big relief for everyone.

Just in case, though, Im a very noisy sentry. Last time the chickens got
in my way, I spent a full day barking at them like a dog. It was quite
exhausting. Now the castle is open to the public, Id much rather watch
the visitors looking at me or lie on my back and have a snooze in the sun.
When Lord Philip is at home, nothing beats climbing over him or
standing on his head. Id never bite. One time I untied his laces and ran
off with his shoes for a sneaky leather fix. Turns out Im not a shoe-polish
fan. Still, its good to try everything. Once. Deborah Feldman
While George imagined life as lord of the manor, Lord Philip praised
the life of a fine upstanding meerkat.

Photographed by
MARK COCKSEDGE

JEWE LLE R S
22 OLD BOND STREET
LONDON W1S 4PY
+44 20 7493 9833

SI NCE

1860

RUE DU RHNE 29
1204 GENVE
+41 22 319 7100

c h at i l a . c o m

T&CO. 2014 0800 160 1837

TIFFANY.COM

Please turn the page to view Supplement

TR AV E L G U I D E
2014

I N ASSOCIATI O N WITH

AFRICA TRAVEL

Carrier specialises in luxury tailor-made holidays worldwide. Service is personal, exible and haute couture.
Our 2014 brochures are available now and include the latest stylish hotels in the most sought-after destinations.

www.carrier.co.uk/tatler

photograph: Manchester Daily express/science & society picture library. cover photograph: copyright norMan parkinson ltD/courtesy norMan parkinson archive

Travel Guide editor

Francisca Kellett
Associate editor
Gerri Gallagher
Art director, Supplements
Tardeo Ajodha
Assistant editor, Supplements
Georgina Blackwell
Sub-editors
Laura Chubb, Gerardine
Coyne, Kate Lauer
Picture researcher
Sarah Gerrard-Jones
Editorial coordinator
Philippa Durell
Contributors
Ralph Bestic, Chris Caldicott, Lee
Cobaj, Suzanne Duckett, Lisa
Grainger, Graeme Green, Liz Harper,
Jessie Hewitson, Michelle Jana Chan,
Teresa Levonian Cole, Emma Love,
Mary Lussiana, Felix Milns, Adrian
Mourby, Gabriel ORourke, Nigel
Richardson, Daniel Scheffler,
Charlotte Sinclair, Neal Turnage,
Lucia Van Der Post, Jeremy Wayne,
Tom Yarwood
Art director
Clare Ferguson
Copy chief
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Hannah Brenchley
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Eve Jones
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Fashion account director,
advertising
Isobel McMahon
Account manager
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New York
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Milan
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Paris
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Editor in chief
Kate Reardon
Publishing director
Patricia Stevenson
Managing director
Nicholas Coleridge

When we said
pack your trunk...

TRAVEL GUIDE
2014
In this years guide, we tackle the really hard-hitting travel
conundrums. Like what to do if you fall into a French loo
(dont pretend you havent always wondered). Or how to
cope when you have a crush on the hotels gym instructor.
Because here, at the very coalface of travel, we know
these are the issues that can make or break a holiday.
Issues nearly as important as choosing the right hotel
another thing weve got down pat. Weve galloped
around the globe nosing out the very shiniest, sassiest
places to stay some so old they stoop beneath the
weight of their reputations, others so new they might as
well be in nappies. And joining us on our adventures
once more are the sensational Africa Travel, who can
solve any travel problem in the world, ever. They might
even have that gym instructors number. Hang on. Well ask.
FRANCISCA KELLEtt
Travel editor

Copyright 2014 TATLER PUBLISHING COMPANY LTD, Vogue House, 1 Hanover Square, London W1S 1JU (tel: 020 7499 9080). Printed in the UK by Wyndeham Roche Ltd.
All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited. Not to be sold separately from the January 2014 issue of Tatler.
Tatler has tried to ensure that all information is correct at the time of going to press, but the publishers cannot accept responsibility for any errors and omissions.

Contents

7 What to do if...
How to handle holiday horror

12 the 101 best hotels

In. Te. WORLD.
90 tiddly om Bom Bom!
Tiny African island nation
+ tech billionaire = utter joy
96 It list
Sunseekers, start here
98 the twilight zone
Free radicals: on the road in the
weird, wild, wondrous West
105 A tale of two Russias
St Petersburg and Moscow
do battle. Tis war is hot
112 Index
120 How time flies!
BA was born in 1974 travel
has changed a bit since then...
OUR EVER-SO-HELPFUL SPONSORS HAVE
MADE BOOKING YOUR HOLIDAY EASIER AND
BETTER VALUE BY PROVIDING TWO DEDICATED
WEBPAGES. VISIT AFRICATRAVEL.CO.UK/
TATLERTRAVEL OR CLEVELANDCOLLECTION.
CO.UK/TATLERTRAVEL, CLICK AND GO.
WE HAVE ALSO PEPPERED THE GUIDE
OFF
WITH ExCLUSIVE OFFERS, WHICH YOULL
FIND WHEREVER YOU SEE THIS LOGO.
ALL PACKAGE PRICES ARE PER PERSON
BASED ON TWO PEOPLE SHARING, UNLESS
OTHERWISE STATED. THE TOUR OPERATORS
HAVE PROVIDED TATLER WITH THEIR MOST
COMPETITIVE RATES.

W H E N Y O U V I S I T S O M E P L A C E D I F F E R E N T, Y O U S H O U L D

F E E L A DI F F E RE NCE

2013 Preferred Hotel Group

If you enjoy character, vitality, and epic luxury when you travel, visit PREFERREDHOTELS.COM/TATLER
to discover the varied and unique travel experiences of Preferred Hotels & Resorts and Preferred Boutique.

CASTELLO DI CASOLE
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What to do if...
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Our writers share their most excruciating travellers tales

...an afrIcan aIrlIne lOses

yOur luggage

yOu fancy
the hOtel gym
InstructOr

by sophia money-coutts

by mary Dudley

My late grandmother always used to pack a separate change of clothes in her hand luggage
in case her hold bag was lost. Ho ho, I used to think. Its not the empire now, Granny!
Modern air travel is a slick and ecient beast. On you hop and, bang, before you know
it youre being woken up above another continent and served a rubbery omelette.
But then I booked a cheap ticket with a North African airline to Kenya for a 10-day
safari. I should have walked. Tey lost my bag and I had to survive 10 days tracking lion and
elephant with only what Id travelled in: knee-high suede boots, a pair of shorts, a T-shirt
and a hoodie. My friend lent me her bikini, but as shes a size 0 (and I am not) it was verging
on pornographic. And a vast Masai woman called Elizabeth lent me traditional Masai kit
for New Years Eve (robes, headdress, necklaces, the lot). But I had to wash the same pair
of knickers every night and hang them outside my bedroom window like some kind of
optimistic mating call. Te bag turned up, of course: three days after I got back to London.

First and foremost you need to

accept that you are a bit of a perv.
Admit it to yourself there is
devilish satisfaction to be found
in quietly revelling in your
blossoming inner vixen. We have
all walked past a muscle-bound
Adonis and muttered, Jeez, will
you look at that? But now you
are on holiday and you are going
to act. Yes, you are.
Dont book a session this is a
rookie error. If youre
befrIenD the a client, the whole
waterspOrts thing takes on a
rather uncomfortable
staff, whO are sex-tourist quality.
always up fOr Presumably you are
a beer anD single and have a
able tO herD nice helpful travelling
companion? Get her
the gym gOD to book a session or
tOwarDs yOu befriend the carefree
watersports sta
who are always stoned and up
for a few beers and will be able
to herd the gym god in your
general direction. Reception
sta are useless and far more
likely to snitch.
Walk past the gym once or
twice. Do not, whatever you do,
make eye contact. Be chilly. Let
him think, I dont like this one
all stuck up and icy, so that
when you meet him (preferably
two martinis down) that evening,
you can blindside him with
dazzling smiles and twinkling
interest. But dont talk about
his job or yours. Who cares?
If possible go dancing.
Disappear into the night but
plant a pal to give the bewildered
gym god your number. Blowdry
the dance sweat out of your hair.
Ten meet him at 4am on some
pontoon. And... lift-o...

Illustrated by BILL GARLAND/PHOsPHOR ART

7
tat le r t raV e l gu I D e 2 01 4

 your car
goes Kaput
and youre
besieged
by lions
by hugo rifkind

Speaking from personal

experience, you want to avoid
this scenario. So I would suggest
that your essential rst step
here is to refrain from taking a
three-day drive into a bumpy,
corrugated desert in an ancient
two-wheel-drive Mazda, with
no weapons or tools or idea
however rudimentary of what
to do when one of your wheels
falls o. Alas, nobody ever told
me this. And so I just sat there
sweating and fretting an idiot
in the Kalahari.
On safari after safari, Ive been
told that if youre in a car, even
one without a roof, then youre
pretty much safe. Lions, in
theory, will think that you and
the car are two parts of the same
thing. What has
the afriKaners always worried me
performed a about this theory,
though, is that
miracle with a maybe the lions
coathanger arent in on it.
Still, I mused, if
while i stood
lions dont know that
there looKing
a person sitting in a
liKe a useless fancy open-topped
londoner Land Rover is a
person, maybe they
wouldnt know that a person
squatting down ineectually by
the buggered wheel-arch of a
1989 Mazda is a person either.
Although, I wont lie; I didnt
by emma Kennedy
muse on this for very long.
Eventually I was saved. Some
France, 1974, and a girl in a pink tracksuit has just thrown up down my leg as we disembark
wonderfully capable Afrikaners
from a ferry. Im ve years old and Im wailing loudly because all the suitcases are jammed into
came along in a pickup truck,
the back of our battered Land Rover and theres no hope of changing out of my vomit-strewn
took me o for a much-needed
shorts until we drive o the boat and nd somewhere suitable to stop.
braai, and brought me back the
My dad, ever the optimist, drives out of Calais and nds a layby with a loo. My mum,
next day unscathed. Tey then
determined to cheer me up, leads me over and opens the door. Te lights arent working. Its pitch
performed a miracle with an
black and as we inch our way in, my mum tells me to put my arms out and feel around for a basin.
old bolt and a coathanger, while
I do as Im told but as I edge forward, my foot (in a ip-op) strikes an unexpected ledge and
I stood around looking more
the next thing I know, momentum has hurtled me forward and my left leg has sunk down into
like somebody from north
something very sticky and very stinky. I had fallen into a French loo.
London than anybody you
So, just to recap, my right leg is covered in someone elses sick. My left leg is covered in a whole
ever saw in your entire life.
host of unspeakable matter. My dad, permanently brilliant at coming up with solutions, puts me
Do what they did (whatever
in a bin bag and ties it just under my neck. He then drives to a garage and sets upon me with an
it was), thats my advice.
industrial hose on the forecourt. Another glorious holiday memory.

you fall into a

french loo

8
tat le r t raV e l gu i d e 2 01 4

I N S P I R E D B Y PA S S I O N

M AU R I T I U S

S EYC H E L L E S

MALDIVES

7 luxury hotels and resorts in the Indian Ocean, beautifully designed with their own
individual character offering 5* comfort and escape in stunning locations. Each guest is
treated as a VIP. At Constance Hotels and Resorts we excel in offering personal service to
make sure you enjoy the holiday of your dreams.

Begin the U-experience:

call (230) 402 2772/73 or visit us at www.constancehotels.com

M A DAG A S C A R

your friends
hate your
children
by layla cambridge

you take four teenage

girls on holiday
by david Jenkins

When did I rst realise that being a single father and taking four 16-year-old girls (daughter
included) on holiday to a Greek island was a testing enterprise? Well, consider this: there we
were, me mildly twitchy, the fab four a little too skimpily dressed, eating dinner in the old port
on Spetses. Chit was chatted, and then the doe-eyed progeny of an Argentine cardiologist pushed
aside her souvlaki and said, Why are Etonians such idiots? I far preferred the Greek waiters
we were with last night. My fork dropped heavily from my nerveless ngers: just how many
furious fathers would I be eeing in nine months time?
Its awkward, too, strolling nonchalantly along to the hotel pool to see if your daughter has
enough money for lunch and nding her best (and very well-developed) friend lolling topless on
the lounger. And its tricky deciding whether all that
why are etonians
quiet retching from the room above is one of them
being drunkenly sick, or suering from the most
such idiots? i far
horrible heatstroke, as she claims when you wake
preferred the greek them all up to join you on the boat youd chartered
for the day and now wont use But other than
waiters we were
that, did you enjoy the play, Mrs Lincoln? Sure did.
But thank God Ill never have to do it again.
with last night
10
tat le r t raV e l gu i d e 2 01 4

What our friends hadnt told us

about the Provenal villa was that
it was on a road. You opened the
door, and there it was. A villa,
with no bannisters, right next
to a road. And to make things
even more fun, our friends dont
like children. I think they had
forgotten that we had one; they
looked genuinely surprised when
we drove up and out jumped
Lulu, streaked in snot and
vomit and ice cream.
Our friends idea of a
holiday involves waking late
for croissants, followed by an
amble through a vineyard to
discuss topics like medieval
church architecture. Lunch
is a long, languid aair, and
afternoons are spent sunbathing
with Penguin Classics. Dinner
starts with champagne at six.
It is a rather attractive schedule.
Unless you are two.
Lulu woke up at 5.30am on
that rst morning. She left a
trail of half-chewed croissant
through the house, before
escaping onto the road and
rolling around in the dust, like
a guinea pig having a sand bath.
Her screams as we tried to usher
her into the garden woke our
friends at 6am. She caused
further outrage by leaving her
toys strewn on the lawn and
spraying our host with the garden
hose while she was dozing on a
lounger. Pre-dinner cocktails were
spoilt by Lulu howling, I dont
want to go to sleep! out of her
bedroom window. Tis became
hard to ignore after two hours.
Nothing was said. But it
became apparent, fast, that
while we were acceptable, our
spawn was not. We were told
of a municipal beach near the
village (where theyd never been),
and do you know what it was
great. Tere was water and sand
and trees and Lulu loved it. We
went every day, and she screamed
when we had to leave. We were
never invited back. (

TATLER

AWARD
WINNER

RISING
STAR

Grande
Aman CNicane, al
italy

Ve
met at this
really should in Venice, and are
you
as
You arrive by water,
d staff with
aire
n-h
rave
me,
dso
han
zzo by
16th-century Grand Canal pala
sweep into
and
)
d. Then climb out (steady
ice-cold flannels. So far, so goo
r. This is an
floo
ble
mar
lift your jaw off the
the vast reception. Now pause to
ched into
laun
has
nd
bra
ide
chs
the slick, bea
Aman, but not as we know it
restored
bly
l palace property, more impecca
in
the city market with a sensationa
red
the
smo
s
steroids soaring ceiling
rors
home than hotel. Its rococo on
mir
ed
gild
gs,
gin
han
Rubelli-silk wall
original frescos, terrazzo floors,
gondola
bedrooms big enough to swing a
with

co
stuc
and acres of ornate
grassy,
the
g indeed in Venice), even on
in. Theres lots of space (a rare thin anese food (its Thai or Italian
ing Jap
canalside terrace restaurant serv
ature
en. Book into the spa for a sign
gard
k
bac
deck
inside), and in the shady
or
-flo
fifth
the
to
up
skip
, at dusk,
foot massage (ask for Valerio) and
t
tha
ice
some of the best views of Ven
for a zingy Prosecco spritz and
rts.com
that jaw again. Website amanreso
up
money can buy. Time to hoik
0.
6 book it Double, from 85
tel 00800 2255 262

NewfouNdlaNd, caNada
Ever heard an iceberg split? It can sound like the end of the world, which is pretty
much where you are on this speck of an island off the Newfoundland coast. The
sounds of the sea, from the crashing of surf to the splitting of ice, are among the
sensory experiences of this hip hideaway that looks as though its just landed from
space on the granite foreshore. Each of the 29 suites faces the ocean; each is
stylishly and minimally decorated by local craftsmen. The staff are locally sourced
too charming Newfoundlanders who will jabber your ear off as is the food,
from berries and mushrooms to wild things from the North Atlantic. That
means lobster and cod once the staple of this traditional fishing community. But
Fogo is a place to feed the mind as well as the body. Theres a cinema and an art
gallery and, out among the coves and headlands, a series of artists studios. A place
to think; a place to walk on the wild side. Website fogoislandinn.ca book it Bridge
& Wickers (bridgeandwickers.co.uk; 020 3411 0711) offers five nights, full
board from 2,785, as part of a six-night trip, including flights and transfers.
12
tat le r t raV e l gu i d e 2 01 4

photographs: alex fradkin, amanresorts

TATLER

AWARD
WINNER

STYLE
WITH
SOUL
Fogo Island Inn

we've found you 101 of the very best

hotels, but these eight are simply
winning. So we've given them awards.
Just pack your bags and go. Now

TATLER

T he Siam

AWARD
WINNER

SLINKY
CITY
SENSATION

baNgkok, thailaNd
What a dame. An art-deco beauty smouldering on the banks of the Chao
Praya River. This is the personal project of Kriss Sukosol Clapp actor, rock
star, scion of a Thai hotel dynasty who has travelled the world scooping up
antiques to scatter like trinkets: a ceiling of writhing tubas in the Deco Bar; the
Jessica Rabbit curves of the chairs in the library; the Thirties walnut vanity
table in your room tipping you the wink. Inside your river-view villa, pump
taps spill into copper basins, while daybeds recline on the private sun terrace
and the shaded courtyard pool beckons you into its depths. Theres a fully
loaded Thai boxing ring, or head to the Opium Spa to be pressed into
blissed-out beatitude. Catch a movie in the screening room with its French
velvet seats; devour goats-cheese souffl and churros messy with sugar and
chocolate in the teak-walled Chon Thai restaurant; chase away the chaos of
a Bangkok day with cocktails on the pier as the sun sinks down and the city
lights up. One to turn heads. Website thesiamhotel.com book it Cleveland
Collection (clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843 3596) offers
three nights from 1,440, including flights, transfers and breakfast.

TATLER

AWARD
WINNER

MINE,
ALL
MINE
Great House, Necker Island
caribbeaN

Its the playfulness that gets

you. You leap from your spe
edboat and youre off,
galloping around the most out
-of-this-world paradise playgr
ound in the
Caribbean. Sir Richard Branso
ns private island is packed wit
h grown-up
games a sexy, super-luxe Hide-hi. Explore the depths in
the Necker Nymph
mini-sub, zip about on a Ho
bie catamaran, swing a tennis
racket, paddleboard
or kite-surf. It sounds hectic
but its not, because youre the
only person there.
More or less. Youll be sharin
g your island with 30 friends
, tops, and youll feel
instantly, effortlessly tha
t this is your home. So its per
fectly OK to pop
behind the bar and fix a drink,
or turn up the tunes, really lou
House reborn after the 201
d. At the Great
1 fire like some polished-wood
-and-stone phoenix
are sensational rooms and
views
stars shooting above, waves pou and DISCO NIGHT: a feast and a boogie,
nding below and joy in your
heart. Its fun, its
beautiful, its a blast. Were sm
itten. Website neckerisland.virg
in.com tel 020
8600 0430 book it Hire for exc
lusive use from 38,775 a nig
ht, or from 1,700
per person for seven nights dur
ing Celebration Weeks. Virgin
atlantic.com) flies from Gatwi
Atlantic (virginck to Antigua four times a wee
k from 640.

13
tat le r t raV e l gu i d e 2 01 4

TATLER

AWARD
WINNER

MOST TALKED
ABOUT
PARTY PAD

n Edition
T he Lonondo
, england

lond
. 1) The basement
we love about the new Edition
gs
thin
e
Here are som
n,
also the most fun nightspot in tow
nightclub is called Basement. Its
by
lob
The
2)
t.
lian
ch is obviously bril
et
and serves alcoholic slushies, whi
velv
the
on
g
ngin
lou

day
g out all
is the sort of place you want to han
the
by
l
l or whacking out a game of poo
sofas with a Cereal Killer cocktai
es out
st restaurant, Berners Tavern, dol
fireplace. 3) Jason Athertons late
uid
lang
a
g,
icin
corn
ndid room riotous
sensational British food in a sple
e
Kat
and
a
Car
res
The
k!
ures. And loo
bar, about a million framed pict
ch,
whi
of
. Good on em. 4) Speaking
sharing a huge platter of seafood
g at
types, which makes rubberneckin
vie
its a fave with models and mo
ary
ctu
san
the
te
qui
k,
calm, pared bac
r,
lunch such fun. 5) The rooms are
rage
Sch
Ian
from
el
hot
st
6) Its the late
from the hullabaloo downstairs.
just
ld
Sanderson. Hes ace. If he cou
who created Studio 54 and the
r so
r the rest of London, wed be eve
ove
t
sprinkle some of his fairy dus
ion
edit
site
Web
e.
get much work don
grateful. Although we wouldnt
5.
29
from
e,
ubl
Do
it
k
1 0000 boo
hotels.marriott.com tel 020 778

torres del paine, Chile

This is where skies are XXL, where jagged couloirs are seamed with
glaciers and glowing blue, and the craggy black towers are lifted
straight from Tolkien. This is is Torres del Paine, the bottom of
South America next stop Antarctica. You can sit and watch the
clouds snagging on the peaks from the bathtub of your smooth,
blond-wood, Scandi-contemporary room at Tierra Patagonia.
The architect-designed curvilinear hotel hunkers into the scrubby
landscape in front of denim-blue Lake Sarmiento. Footpaths lead
past woolly groups of guanacos (sort of elegant little llamas) to
its black-grit beach tossed with driftwood. Inside, away from all
that elemental rawness, is deliciously modern: a central space
has a floating fireplace and sheepskin-lined armchairs; the sleek,
glass-paned spa has a hydrotherapy pool and hot tub (where
discerning pumas warm their paws in the dead of night). Patagonia
is all about adventure: day tours with shiny-as-a-button guides lead
you to condors nests, ancient rock paintings and on the trail of
those elusive pumas. A hotel and a place to fall madly in love
with. Website tierrapatagonia.com book it Cazenove & Loyd
(cazloyd.com; 020 7384 2332) offers four nights from 3,610,
full board, as part of a six-night trip, including flights and transfers.
14
tat le r t rav e l gu i d e 2 01 4

photographs: nikolas koenig, tristan shu

TATLER

AWARD
WINNER

FAR
FLUNG
MARVEL
Tierra Patagonia

TATLER

AWARD
WINNER

BAREFOOT
ADVENTURE

Constance Tsarabanjina

tsarabanjina, MadagasCar
We challenge you to wear shoes at Tsarabanjina (we challenge you to pronounce
Tsarabanjina, but thats another matter). This is barefoot luxury at its best, the
kind of desert-island experience that will stay with you, haunt you, make you
realise that every beach from now on will not live up to this one. Off the north
coast of Madagascar, Tsarabanjina is an ancient volcanic utopia that has a jungly
heart swarming with birds in lurid colours and chameleons the size of your
fingernail. Beaches sprinkled with gem-like shells slope gently into sea so clear
you can watch a kaleidoscope of fish wheel around your ankles. Regally waving
palms shade the 25 bungalows, which are right on the sand but with glass to keep
out the critters. Only the bed is air-conditioned (so cool, so eco), and for daytime
theres your hammock slung between the trees. Staff cant do enough for you:
shake up a mango martini, sling a just-caught lobster on the grill, take you out
diving the reef or tuna fishing to meet islanders flinging nets from dugout canoes.
Book room 14, on a raised peninsula for private tanning, zone out, and remind
yourself that things will never be quite the same again. Website constancehotels.
com book it Africa Travel (africatravel.co.uk; 020 7843 3580) offers five nights
from 2,595, full board, including flights and boat transfers.

ROMANTIC
BOLTHOLE

book at least 60 days in advanCe and reCeive a five per Cent disCount off
your aCCoMModation. for details and to book, visit afriCatravel.Co.uk/
tatlertravel or ring 020 7843 3580 and quote tatler travel guide

AWARD
WINNER

TATLER

OFF

Domaine de la Baume
provenCe, fr

anCe
We couldnt keep Domaine
from you, obviously, but we
dont want
everyone knowing about it. Wh
at was once home to the Fre
nch
painter Bernard Buffet has ma
de its way into the loving han
ds of
the Sibuet family, who have
restored it with their usual apl
omb. We
wouldnt tell just anyone tha
t it stretches gracefully across
the hills,
or that it has its own olive gro
ves and sshhhh a natural
waterfall,
under which you can have a
massage. Or that it has sumptu
ous oldmoney wallpaper, strokeable
period furniture, aged tiled floo
rs and
TVs hidden behind gilded mir
rors.
being no menus instead, a cho We need to keep quiet about there
ice of exquisite dishes is recount
ed
verbally then served beneath
the trees on a raked gravel terr
ace. We
wont let on that the picnics
are perfect laid out in a me
adow on
white linen, allowing you to get
slowly tipsy among the butterf
lies.
It is pure, unadulterated blis
s. But,
nous. Website en.domaine-delab as we say, lets just keep it entre
aume.com tel 00 33 4 57 74
74 74
book it Double, fro
m 375, half board. Rail Eu
rope (raileurope.
co.uk) offers trains from Lon
don to Avignon from 120
return.

15
tat le r t rav e l gu i d e 2 01 4

NEW YORK
CHICAGO
GRAND WAILEA
THE BOULDERS
DUBAI
ARIZONA BILTMORE

THE
STORIES
BEGIN
HERE

QASR AL SHARQ
JERUSALEM
PUERTO RICO
SHANGHAI
AMSTERDAM
BEIJING
ORLANDO
ROME CAVALIERI
BERLIN
KEY WEST
NAPLES
PARK CITY
PANAMA
BOCA RATON
RAS AL KHAIMAH
THE CALEDONIAN
LA QUINTA RESORT & CLUB
TRIANON PALACE VERSAILLES
THE ROOSEVELT NEW ORLEANS

READ THE NEW SHORT STORY FROM SIMON VAN BOOY

FEATURING OLGA KURYLENKO
E XC L U S I V E LY AT WA L D O R FA S TO R I A . C O M / T H E S TO R I E S

 2013 Hilton Worldwide

OUT OF THIS WORLD

the weird, the wild and the wonderful

Iniala Beach House

phuket, thAILAND

Iniala is a sci-fi fantasy, a Dal-esque dream scene

where curvaceous villas rest like giant armadillos
on the sand, where 120,000 cocoon beds seem
to float in mid-air, where the womb-like private
spas appear cast from solid gold. The wrapping
has just come off, the paint is still drying, but
were already awestruck: theres a games room with
a Swarovski crystal-clad pool table, a Michelinstarred Basque chef in the restaurant, a gym with
original Andy Warhol prints of Muhammad Ali
on the walls, and quite the fanciest kids club,
where future magnates can dress up, dance and
dangle from treehouses. Everything about it is
OTT including the beach, an embarrassingly
big swathe of silver sand with bright-white megayachts bobbing on the horizon. But its a dogooder too: the owner is philanthropic millionaire
Mark Weingard, and 15 per cent of takings will go
to his charitable Inspirasia Foundation. Its sci-fi
with soul. website iniala.com book it Cleveland
Collection (clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel;
020 7843 3596) offers seven nights in a villa
from 11,720, including transfers.

The Inn at
John O'Groats
JohN o' groAtS, ScotLAND

Want to get away, want to really escape,

but dammed if youre leaving Blighty? It
doesnt get more far-flung than John
OGroats (unless you continue on to the
Orkneys, where everyone is related, or a
sheep). A hefty two-year restoration of the
derelict 1875 John OGroats Hotel
(abandoned for three decades by all but
the resident ghost, the White Lady) has
produced a hip boutique hideaway with a
new Lego-coloured Scandi-chic extension.
The 15 apartments are kitted out with
Caithness stone, Scottish larch timber and
bonny splashes of tartan, and the place is
riddled with homegrown cool a five-yard
chandelier made from lobster creels and
rope lights hand-knotted by local
fishermen. Gaze over the little harbour, or
venture out in the hotels RIB for some
dolphin- and killer-whale-spotting,
before a spot of R&R in the wee spa.
A bonny place to hunker down and soak
up the wildest corner of fair Caledonia.
website naturalretreats.co.uk tel 0843
636 7927 book it Double, from 70.
18
tAt Le r t rAv e L gu I D e 2 01 4

Be
g
yAc oNe,
y
Sch htS A e crA
e
Du ND he mpe
gA
L
D
c
e
L
Lux ApAgo S! the tIc
e
wh AND S goe
e
o
op N pIkA h-So S
e
Ato NS IN IA LoD eco
t
vo p AN e he Sp ge
L
r
x
ow cANo tINc INg
t
,w
Nt
It
o
reS
erv rtoIS h ItS
Bo
e
e. D
F
pIk FINS r ArwIN
AIA
LoD eJoIc
ge.c e.
om

101 BeSt hoteLS

Out of this world

Is it practical? No!
Do we love it? yeS!
Collar, 1,609, by
Peter Pilotto
(matchesfashion.com)

TAKE
TWO

Ion

tRUe
ColoURs

thINgveLLIr NAtIoNAL pArk, IceLAND

Iceland doesnt do half measures. Want extraordinary landscapes? Try eerie lava fields coated in
apple-green moss, pockmarked with steaming geothermal pools. Want razor-sharp design? It doesnt
get any sharper than this stark hotel, looming out from the moonscape on gangly legs like some giant
Star Wars robot. Which makes it sound a bit grim, when actually it is nothing short of spectacular
designed by LA-based Icelandic architects Minarc with masses of stone and vast walls of glass. Inside are
46 compact rooms, simple and sleek polished concrete walls, tables hewn from tree trunks, sheepskin
rugs and monochrome prints of purebred Icelandic horses. Bathrooms are brrrrr-acing, with rain showers
and zingy Sley products, made from local herbs. Float out on the thermal lap pool, which extends out
into the cold gasp! air, or nip to the Lava Spa, where you can have a facial with mud and ash from
that volcano. In the restaurant there's Arctic char from neighbouring Thingvellir Lake, and then its to
the bar to sip on syrupy Reyka vodka, filtered through what else? lava. We told you: no half measures
here. website wexas.com book it Wexas (wexas.com; 020 7590 0610) offers two nights from 965, full
board, as part of a four-night trip, including flights, transfers, car hire and breakfast.

Failed to see the Northern

Lights? Daub on this
galactic trio and youll look
out of this world too.
eyeshadow, 20, by laura
Mercier (harrods.com)

Refugia
chILo ISLAND, chILe

photograph: daniel corvillo'n

Refugia is the thrill of discovery, of venturing into a raw, wild

archipelago teetering at the very edge of South America. Here,
on the island of Chilo, off the west coast of Chile, there are
glassy seas bobbing with cypress-wood fishing boats, and
grassy hills dotted with shingle huts. The first five-star lodge
to grace these shores, Refugia is a refuge in the truest sense:
just 12 rooms in a modernist, wood-clad structure on stilts,
looking out over Reloncav Sound and all the way to the
snow-capped Andes on the mainland. Until last year, the only
way to reach the island was by ferry from Puerto Montt, but
now theres a tiny 15-minute flight and stepping off the plane
is like stepping back in time. Colourful farmsteads, ancient
churches and local myths and legends galore (phantom ships,
trolls, witches), all terrifically fitting for this fairytale landscape.
The hotel arranges hiking, biking and riding, plus boat trips
to fishing villages. Theres a little spa and sauna, and delicious
local food mussels, ceviche de merluza, steak, berry sorbet
and lashings of Chilean wine. Then head to the open
fire for pisco sours and storybook views enough to send
a thrill down the spine of even the weariest of travellers.
website refugia.cl tel 00 56 96 8306221 book it Double,
from 655, full board, including transfers and activities.
19
tAt Le r t rAv e L gu I D e 2 01 4

PARTY PEOPLE
Because you will need some sleep

Luna2 Studios
BALI, InDonEsIA

If Mondrian had a one-night stand with

Barbarella, this would be their thoroughly
wicked lovechild. Theres no dark wood, no
sense of Balinese zen at Luna2 Studios on
Seminyak beach. This place is all about colour
and exuberance and in-your-face kitsch cool. The
14 gleaming rooms are filled with Sixties spaceage style black and white bubbly swirls on the
walls, disco balls, big beds with mustard racing
stripes, silver cushions and glossy white bucket
chairs. The lobby has a giant mural dotted with
Lichtenstein splashes; youll want to flop back
on the yellow sofa with a cigarillo in your hand
and a Playboy bunny on your knee. Watch legs
kicking in the pool through the glass porthole
below the waterline in the basement bar, Pop! or
snarf up plates of wagyu in the Orbit restaurant,
where buttercup-coloured cushions perch nattily
on hand-stitched leather seats. Who ever knew
Bali could be this much fun? website luna2.com
book it Cleveland Collection (clevelandcollection.
co.uk; 020 7843 3596) offers seven nights from
2,295, including flights and transfers.

Only You Madrid

MADRID, spAIn

You know youve stumbled on the ultimate

city crash pad when your minibar is stocked
with canisters of hangover-combating oxygen.
How invigorating, and just the thing for a
jaunty weekend in Madrid. A blink-andyoud-miss-it entrance opens up, Tardis-like,
into this former 19th-century palace, where
wrought-iron lanterns and eight-foot trees
create a fresh outside-in vibe, a Mediterranean
oasis from the jostling street outdoors. Forget
the weird name this is the perfect city
bolthole. Rooms are cosy and crisp with just
enough attention to unexpected detail:
statement screens covered with hand-drawn
maps of Madrid, silver-studded, navy-leather
headboards, and wooden hangers inscribed
with You look great in that. But you wont
be spending much time holed up, because
youll be down in the buzzy, wood-panelled
bar staring at the giant rhino head on the
wall, then heading on to the fabulous
mirrored restaurant for top-notch tapas the
fried quails egg and serrano-topped patatas
bravas will set you up for a night on the
(Iberian) tiles. website onlyyouhotels.com
tel 00 34 91 005 2222 book it Double, from
120, including breakfast.
21
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

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101 BEST HOTELS

Party people

Ace Hotel London

LOndOn, EngLand

Industrial, unisex, utilitarian the supercool American ACE

brand has finally landed in its spiritual home, Shoreditch, and
we couldnt wait to pop on our wire-frame specs and take a
peek. Its catnip for chic geeks sleek and urban, with a palette
of black, white, grey and chrome; it might as well have a giant
Apple stamped on its front. The bedrooms are like trendy
design studios, with old-school pencil sharpeners on the walls
and sleek black magnets to pin up your next brilliant idea for a
startup. This is the place for the plugged-in and switched-on,
where you can chuck a vinyl on your own Rega turntable, or
strum the acoustic Martin guitar propped in the corner. With
wide, low beds, flatscreen TVs and bottles of spirits dotted
about, its the perfect space for work and play. Join the
wonky-haired locals in the Hoi Polloi brasserie, clink a drink
in the terrace bar or grab your MacBook Pro and a latte and
get programming in the lobby. We are J website acehotel.com
tel 020 7613 9800 book it Double, from 200.

T he Trident

pORT anTOnIO, JamaICa

In Jamaica, its all about the music even the way they talk about
hotels. Especially the way they talk about hotels. The new Trident
has a ska and jazz vibe, according to its music-mogul owner, Jon
Baker. Its sister hotel, Geejam (part of the famous Geejam Studios
Florence + the Machine and Snoop Dogg recently recorded
there) is more punky reggae. Got it? So the Trident is calm, its
sophisticated, its mellow, with 13 villas, a private beach and the
elegantly seductive Mikes Supper Club. Guests are encouraged, ever
so gently, to make the most of the area by heading into town Port
Antonio was Jamaicas hotspot before the hordes arrived in the
Seventies (Errol Flynn lived here and his A-list buddies were regulars)
or to take to the river and drift its languorous length on a bamboo
raft. Mellooooow. And then, post-supper, its out onto the terrace with
a rum cocktail to listen to the smooth rhythms of the octogenarian
Jolly Boys. Music to our ears. website tridentportantonio.com
tel 00 1 876 633 7000 book it Double, from 280. Virgin
Atlantic (virgin-atlantic.com) flies three times a week from
London Gatwick to Jamaica, from 720.

Andaz Amsterdam
amSTERdam, nETHERLandS

The Andaz is Alice in Wonderland in a pair of clogs with an armful

of tulips: eccentric, a little bit bonkers and so very Dutch all
thanks to the witty design by Moooi founder Marcel Wanders. So
in the lobby youll find vast, cherry-red bucket seats and oversized
bell lamps dangling from the ceiling, and one wall filled with a
cabinet of curiosities (a globe, painted clogs, a vintage wooden leg).
Theres no reception desk staff check you in on the hoof. The
rooms have giant antique-spoons-morphing-into-fish printed on
the walls (bonkers), plates perched precariously on shelves (yes,
bonkers), and witty little snippets written on the loo walls (properly
mad). The food in the Bluespoon restaurant is a mix of French flair
and down-to-earth Dutchiness saffron-infused bouillabaisse,
braised veal cheeks and sweetbreads, wild duck with beetroot.
Dishes should come with a label that says, Eat me. website andaz.
hyatt.com tel 00 31 20 523 1234 book it Double, from 295.

22
TaT LE R T RaV E L gU I d E 2 01 4

101 BEsT HoTELs

Party people

The Marlton
nEw york, UsA

There is a beatnik pedigree to the Marlton that makes you

want to don a black rollneck and scrawl down some freestyle
poetry. Sitting pretty in leafy Greenwich Village, this is where
Jack Kerouac penned two of his books; where Neal Cassady
bedded Carolyn; where Valerie Solanas plotted her attempted
assassination of Andy Warhol. Its steeped in a sexy, slightly
dark counterculture and has now had a witty revamp courtesy
of Sean MacPherson of Waverly Inn and the Bowery Hotel
fame, who has produced a sultry Manhattan take on a Parisian
salon. Bottlegreen-velvet sofas sit beneath bold modernist
paintings, there are brass fixtures and Sixties-style coffee
tables and its all deliciously Rive Gauche. Poke importantly
in a novel in the Caf de Flore-style caf, chew the fat with
the other cool cats or sink into your huge bath and plot your
next trip On the Road. website marltonhotel.com tel 001 212
321 0100 book it Double, from 170.

Ushuaia Tower
IBIZA, spAIn

There is the gentle side of Ibiza. That sun-dappled, slightly stoned

side where toffs in wafty Heidi Klein kaftans have summer flings with
other toffs in paisley Vilebrequins. And then theres Ushuaia, which
isnt like that at all. There are toffs, make no mistake, but theres no
wafting. Theres posing. Theres dancing. Theres big-time off-yourhead partying. And, boy, is it fun. Buffed, waxed, sculpted girls pose
by the pool; statuesque Russians knock back oysters and gargle pink
champagne; slebs peer out from their private cabanas. In the
afternoon, Pete Tong or Fatboy Slim takes to the decks. Heads nod,
limbs fling, bodies leap into the pool. Join in or watch: from the hot
tub on the balcony of your suite in the new Tower, or from the retro
airline-themed rooftop bar. Collapse on your Austin Powers-style
round bed for a snooze, then its back down for steak at Richard
Turners Montauk, before bounding into the heaving, beautiful
throng as David Guetta takes the helm. Its Ibiza at its most arms-inthe-air hilarious. Its a riot. website ushuaiabeachhotel.com tel 00
34 902 424252 book it Double, from 170, including breakfast.

The Oberoi Dubai

DUBAI, UAE

Ok, so it wobbled for a bit, but Dubai is back. Teeming with people
once more (not all of them footballers, which is nice) and bursting with
things to do the racing, the polo, the shopping, the partying. They
have a Mahiki there now, did you know? Anyway, all that heat and
activity means youll be tired, so come to the newly opened Oberoi to
be cosseted. Beds so big its almost vulgar (almost), even bigger baths
and spoiling little touches. If youre lying idle by the pool, youll be
handed frozen cubes of watermelon and cans of Evian spray for your
face. If your charmingly zealous waiter decides you havent eaten enough
at breakfast, waffles and crme anglaise will magically appear at your
elbow. And the spa is open 24 hours a day, so if youve shopped and
eaten and sunbathed and eaten again and still dont feel quite right, you
poor lamb, then a 4am massage may just do the trick. website oberoi
hotels.com book it Double, from 490. British Airways (ba.com)
flies from Heathrow to Dubai 21 times a week, from 530.

Time to pucker up.

Acrylic clutch, 650, by Jimmy
Choo (jimmychoo.com)

TAKE
TWO
Hot stUFF

24
TAT LE r T rAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

Ahem, come prepared.

Alligator-skin condom holder,
220, by JvdF (jvdfnyc.com)

Discover the Caribbean island

that lifts all your senses

Saint Lucia is the beautiful Caribbean island that has it all and more. Home to the
magical Piton Mountains, unspoilt rainforest, sun-soaked beaches, a world-class
choice of accommodation, delicious dining and a whole range of unique and
thrilling activities for everyone to enjoy. Treat yourself to this simply
sensational island today.
Call 020 7341 7005 or email sltbinfo@stluciauk.org to nd out more.
www.stlucia.org

my own private...
...island, castle, boat take your pick

Coco Priv Kuda Hithi

north Male atoll, Maldives

Arrive by private yacht and skip down the

jetty into your personal paradise. This is an
exclusive-use island and seamless privacy
is the name of the game. There are just a
handful of villas and an army of wildly
professional, thoroughly charming staff.
The architecture is all smooth lines in calm,
natural palettes, punctuated by waving palms,
great green waxy leaves and vivid, paint-splash
flowers. Rooms are 007 cool, with lights,
tunes and temperature controlled by the
touch of an iPad. Order at will from the chef,
or give in to his lobster thermidor surf n turf,
Thai dishes or local Maldivian fare, eaten
candlelit on the shore while waves pat-a-cake
gently in the darkness. If you get further than
the hot tub, fill days swooshing round the
psychedelic reef, shoulder-to-shell with turtles;
flex brains playing supersized chess in the
shade; or, best of all, simply loll in hammocks,
while baby blacktip sharks bask in the
shallows and crabs do-si-do under your toes.
website cocoprive.com book it Whole island
from 5,000 per night, full board, including
transfers, a daily spa treatment and activities.
Turkish Airlines (turkishairlines.com) flies from
London to Male five times a week, from 714.

Chteau Le T hil

BordeauX Martillac, france

Picture this: your very own chateau, surrounded by

Bordeauxs most glorious vineyards; a lake filled with
swans; eclectic antiques; scrubbed oak floors and the
most cheerful wallpaper known to man. Chteau Le
Thil, which opened in the summer after nine months of
root-and-branch renovation, is elegant and rarefied, with
only nine bedrooms. It feels like you are in possession of
the whole place even though youre not and, unlike any
two-a-penny rental, Le Thil comes equipped with winning
staff, who will serve you buttery croissants and fig jam for
breakfast and tidy your room when youre not looking.
The 18th-century chateau is a labour of love from the
people behind Les Sources de Caudalie, whose Michelinstarred restaurant, grape-heavy spa Vinothrapie and
open-air pool with a panorama of premier-cru vineyards
are all just a golden five-minute cycle ride away, so you
can get sozzled and then zip back to your castle refuge.
website sources-caudalie.com tel 00 33 5 57 83 83 83
book it Double, from 200, including breakfast.
26
tat le r t rav e l gu i d e 2 01 4

101 Best hotels

My own private...

Singita Castleton
saBi sand reserve, south africa

This is the closest youll get to an old-school

homestead safari any closer and you might as
well have Hemingway falling about drunk while
you shoot the faces off the game. Castleton is
the latest offering from those masters of African
luxury, Singita: an exclusive-use house in Sabi
Sand, the former family home of the grandfather
of Singita founder Luke Bailes. Deliciously private,
sensationally set, the house has had a thorough
overhaul from those clever chaps Ccile & Boyds,
which means a lovely sense of place, but none of that
overkill vintage safari nonsense. Its airy, its beautiful
six cottages and a main house, with botanical
prints on the walls and colonial-style antiques
standing smartly next to linen trunks. Sit out on the
wide, wide verandas or by the pool and gaze upon
the watering hole, bump out into the bush with
your personal guide or whack some balls around
the tennis court. At night there are shivery white
wines and South African fare from the country-style
kitchen, and then its back out under the diamondsprinkled, ebony heavens, for a digestif, a marvel and
a tiny taste of being lord of the savannah. website
singita.com book it Scott Dunn (scottdunn.com; 020
8682 5070) offers three nights on an exclusive basis,
from 15,435, for up to eight people, fully inclusive.

Grace Cafayate
calchaqu valley, argentina

Wine, polo, golf and sunshine. Sounds like a Jilly Cooper novel, and thats just
one reason why we love it. Grace Cafayate, the hottest newbie in Argentinas wine
country, is a secluded little slice of estancia life. The rooms and villas are all calm,
quiet neutrals, with open fireplaces and baths big enough to throw a party in
(very Riders), all overlooking the rolling vineyards and purple-tinged mountains.
Scoot around the 18-hole golf course, ping down to the polo field, explore the
sand dunes or head to one of the spas. Yes, there are two spas. And one has a gym
so well stocked youd almost expect to find the Argie polo team working up a sweat
inside (Jilly would have a fit). And, if you really, really love it, you can buy a villa
and live out your Polo fantasies for ever and ever. website gracehotels.com
book it Journey Latin America (journeylatinamerica.co.uk; 020 8747 8315)
offers three nights from 1,455, including Iberia flights, transfers and breakfast.

27
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101 BeST HOTeLS

My own private...

Sukoon

keep it flat, keep it comfy.

no need to keep it real.
Cotton and wool slippers,
245, by Penelope Chilvers
(penelopechilvers.com)

photograph: durston saylor

Srinagar, india

Moored on Srinagars Dal Lake,

Sukoon houseboat is the dreamiest
way to experience the peak-wreathed
Kashmiri capital. It is a passion
project of travel guru and hotelier
Altaf Chapri he grew up here and
his father built the boat in 1979.
Rigorously, lovingly restored, each
layer of paint stripped by hand, the
pale and pretty barge has some
sensational assets: a rooftop terrace,
a chef turning out sophisticated
Kashmiri curries, a butler imported
from Kerala and a location on a quiet
part of the lake, with clear views all
the way to the Himalayas. Bedrooms
are huge, bathrooms have real
showers and tubs and theres a dining
room no chance of cabin fever
here. Watch the lake life drift by
from a lounger or take to the water,
paddling in a shikara boat through
secret ponds and lily gardens, to
a boisterous market where sellers
call, Pashmina, pashmina, saffron,
saffron, just as they have for
centuries. Website sukoonkashmir.com
book it Greaves India (greavesindia.
co.uk; 020 7487 9111) offers five
nights as part of a weeks tour, from
1,775, full board, including British
Airways flights and transfers.

TAKE
TWO
toP oF
tHe LAke

it tastes bloody awful, but

a few drops in your glass
and you can drink the
lake. if you wish.
Liquid iodine, 18 for
60ml, Natural Dispensary
(naturaldispensary.co.uk)

Ol Jogi
nanyuki, kenya

If you want to be king of the jungle, just for a few

days, then Ol Jogi, high up on Kenyas Laikipia
Plateau, is the real deal. The home and working
ranch of the great art-dealing Wildenstein family, it
can now for the first time be rented in its entirety.
Lets be clear: you pay for the privilege, but in
exchange for a socking great sum you get seven
grandly furnished cottages, a large swimming pool,
tennis court, horses, a hammam, guides, cooks
and a masseuse on tap. And, to trump all that,
the ravishing African wilderness: 58,000 acres of
shimmering savannah, riverine forest and acacia
scrubland criss-crossed with rivers and studded with
kopjes all as far as the eye can see. And the game:
everything youve ever wanted to spot, including
64 highly endangered and intensely guarded white
and black rhino. Its all yours and the guides are at
your beck and call so you can do what you want,
when you want. A rare gift. Website oljogi.org
book it Africa Travel (africatravel.co.uk; 020 7843
3580) offers seven nights from 9,670 per person,
full board, including safari activities.
28
TaT Le r T raV e L gu i d e 2 01 4

TATLER pRomoTion

Relax by the private infinity pool

Sweet Crete

Prepare to be dazzled by Elounda Gulf Villas & Suites, a peaceful

slice of paradise on one of Greeces most spectacular islands

xclusive and award-winning,

Elounda Gulf Villas & Suites on the
Greek island of Crete is a must-visit
holiday destination, particularly since new
developments and services are planned for
2014. As its name suggests, the family-ownedand-run property, which is a proud member of
Small Luxury Hotels of the World, is close to
the lively Cretan village of Elounda. But this
secluded boutique villa-hotel is an oasis of
calm and offers a complete escape from the
outside world. Book into one of its 18 villas
each with its own pool and Jacuzzi, and some
with private spa facilities or 10 suites, and

you wont want to leave.

Exceptional, personalised service (no request
is too trivial or complicated) plus two top-notch
restaurants and a large complimentary spa
are a seductive combination. Factor in sublime
views of the Gulf of Mirabello and its easy to
see why this piece of paradise was named
Greeces Leading Boutique Hotel 2013.
Choose to explore nearby islands by boat,
wander around local archaeological sites or
simply sit back and enjoy the stunning sea
views from your sunlounger. Utter bliss.
Top tip: for a room with an incredible view, book
a Spa Pool Villa high up overlooking the bay.

Dessert delight

Views fr
o

m a priv
ate ter ra

ce

Tatler reader offer

Master bedroom in a villa

Book before 28 February 2014 to

enjoy 25% off accommodation. For
more information or to book, email
reservations@eloundavillas.com, visit
eloundavillas.com or call 0871 990 3010
and quote TATLER 14.

101 best hotels

My own private...

Island Lodge
stockholm archipelago, sWeDen

Think of a European city where you can camp in remote, pristine wilderness and
still be just 40 minutes by boat from the nearest Prada shop. Stumped? Say hall to
Island Lodge, a recently opened gem on its very own island in the Stockholm
archipelago (which, by the way, is made up of more than 24,000 islands). The
lodge has just seven wafty, igloo-like tents with cosy wood burners, reindeer
rugs, soft Mille Notti linen and big sea views hidden among birch and
fir-tree forest. Showers are outdoor and blissful, with pinecones at your feet.
Young children arent encouraged, so this is the place for grown-up frolics:
drink champagne on the rocks, wander off to a secluded beach or soak in
a hot tub right on the edge of the Baltic Sea. Romp around the island grabbing
fistfuls of wild blueberries or kayak out to neighbouring shores. And then, at
night, climb down into the secret old rock shelter (the island was previously
a military base), where you can have dinner alone by flickering candlelight.
A little bit surreal, and utterly dreamy. website islandlodge.se tel 00 46 735
16 80 90 book it Double, from 475, all inclusive.

One Fine Stay

Armaggan Bosphorus Suites

paris, france

istanbul, turkey

Parisians: so chic, so svelte, so bloody clever. Who wouldnt

want to be one? Well, heres a smashing idea: while the citys
movers and shakers are out of town, move into their super-swish
homes and spend the week pretending youre them! OneFineStay,
purveyor of the very smartest holiday rentals in London and
New York, has just launched in Paris, with hand-picked properties
including a sleek converted warehouse in the trendy west, and a
flash apartment snuggling right up next to the Eiffel Tower, with
360 views of the city all kitted out with interiors so stylish you
wont want to leave. But if you do decide to venture out, then
heres whats really clever: youre given a local iPhone, which
equals a sexy local number for you, plus access to Google Maps
and a special app that tells you all about your hosts favourite
boulangeries, bistros and off-the-beaten-track sights. Theres a
concierge on speed-dial to book you a taxi, send over a babysitter or
source a late-night baguette, so you can live la vie en rose like a true
local. Tres ingnieux. website onefinestay.com tel 0800 612 4377
book it Rue des Dames (sleeps two to five), from 300 a night.

You cant call this a hotel. Too impersonal. A guesthouse? No, that ignores
its brilliance. Lets say its an exclusive residence exclusive in a we vet
our guests sort of way where you take one of 18 suites spanning three
reconstructed 19th-century yalis (waterfront mansions) hugging the
European shore of the Bosphorus. The mastermind behind Beylerbeyi
Palace once lived here, so its fitting that the views across the water are of
his colonnaded confection. Inside, its opulent Ottoman, with handpainted ceilings, antique furniture, Anatolian rugs and an astonishing
collection of 20th-century Turkish paintings, all interspersed with objets
dart from Armaggans ateliers (Armaggan is a chain of upmarket concept
stores). Feast like a sultan in the NAR restaurant, unravel bathroom
products from silk wrappings, be pummelled in the hammam and glide
out over the strait in impeccable style on your own gleaming teak launch.
website armaggan.com tel 00 90 212 227 8080 book it Double, from
1,525, including transfers and breakfast. British Airways (ba.com) flies
from London Heathrow to Istanbul daily, from 165.

30
tat le r t raV e l gu i D e 2 01 4

cenizaro.com/momentsenriched

.
Closeness is the joy of being together. An unspoken bond, delighting in each other. Nature invites with her breathtaking beauty,
promising endless happiness every day in paradise. Life as it is meant to be. Moments Enriched at The Residence.

tunis | mauritius | zanzibar | maldives

theresidence.com

The beautiful south

With the help of our friends at Africa Travel, we chart the
greatest South African adventures around. How will you
choose between them? Solution: visit them all

heyve handpicked the worlds best safaris, can steer you

towards the finest hotels and book tables at the coolest
restaurants. In short, Africa Travel know Africa like the back
of their hand, plus everything is tried and tested to be sure theyre
happy to recommend it. Arrange your trip with the uber-efficient team
in the London office (why not create a multiple-destination itinerary?).
And if you have questions out there, theres someone on the end of the
phone round the clock in their Cape Town office. You write the script
and Africa Travel make it happen.

Tswalu At a quarter of a million acres, this is South Africas biggest

(malaria-free) private reserve. Explore via 4x4 and foot or on horseback to
see black-maned Kalahari lions, desert black rhino and even aardvarks.
The decadent camp sleeps only 30 and serves up spoiling spa therapies
and tasty food. In October, Tswalu welcomed a litter of meerkat pups!
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a four-night stay at The
Motse from 3,945 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Royal Malewane and afRica house

What awaits you at Royal Malewane? Smiling staff, a soothing spa,
sumptuous suites so vast theyre practically palatial and private pools
all round (plus a 25-metre infinity pool in the spa). And its all nestled
within the wild and rugged beauty of the Greater Kruger National
Park. Everyday is an adventure not just for you, but for the passionate
rangers who excitedly take to the wheel of their 4x4s to track down the
Big Five in action. Just two minutes from the main lodge stands Africa
House, a private villa originally built for Royal Malewanes owners,
which sleeps 12 and comes with just as many staff. Tempted?
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a three-night stay
from 4,550 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.

To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Royal Malewane

sabi sabi eaRTh lodge

6,000 hectares, 200 species of wildlife, 350 species of bird Sabi Sabi
talks a big game, and rightly so. However, 13 is the minuscule number
of guest suites, so you have the place virtually to yourself. Track the
Big Five on game drives with Sabi Sabis eagle-eyed rangers we hear
there are cubs in both the lion and leopard camp at the moment. Back
at the lodge, doze off on white muslin-covered salas, explore the vast
cellars enormous wine collection, drink cocktails around the bar while
looking out over the waterhole and soak up the melodies of the bush
while dining alfresco. Sheer brilliance.

Sabi Sabi
Earth Lodge

TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a three-night stay from

2,575 per person sharing, including British Airways flights. To book,
call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

TATLER pRomoTion

londolozi
It represents a model of the dream I cherish for the future of nature
preservation, Nelson Mandela said of his visit to the extraordinary
Londolozi (Zulu for protector of all living things). Come here to
immerse yourself in the thick of Sabi Sand Game Reserve one of the
best locations for spotting leopards slink by and a great place to see
elephants, lions, zebra and warthog, too. Despite its wild surroundings,
the lodgings are pristine. Suites at the out-of-this-world Tree Camp (of
which there are just six) are decorated with Ralph Lauren wallpaper
and each have private swimming pools. Londolozi also boasts its own
wellness centre dont miss the amazing yoga classes. Keep an eye
on the camps blog to get the latest news, be it the newest litter of
leopard cubs or the jaw-on-the-floor collection of pictures of the week.
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a three-night
stay at Londolozi Tree Camp from 3,295 per person sharing,

including British Airways flights. To book, call 020 7843 3580 or

visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Londolozi

Table bay hoTel

Often hailed as the best address in Cape Town, Table Bay Hotel is
close enough to the city action, but far enough away to preserve a
peaceful existence. Theres a swimming pool on the roof, the Camelot
Spa is dreamy and every one of the marble-finished rooms boasts
picture-perfect views of either Table Mountain or the Atlantic Ocean
(squint and you can see Robben Island in the distance). Cant-bematched activities include learning to cook with native fynbos plants
and snorkelling with Cape fur seals a perfect way to mark the point
where the Atlantic and Indian Oceans meet.

Table Bay Hotel

TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a five-night stay

from 1,560 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

KensingTon Place
Located in the leafy Cape Town suburb of Higgovale and overlooking
Table Mountain, this contemporary boutique hotel houses only eight
spacious and meticulously designed suites. Its all about personal
touches here and the super-sharp concierge team will make sure your
stay is second to none. Enjoy fabulous seasonal food (rustled up on
demand by the expert chef) by the pool or on your own private terrace.
If you end up having a late night exploring Cape Town, theres plenty
of time for lie-ins in the exceptionally comfortable beds breakfast is
served all day long.
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a five-night stay
from 1,470 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.
Locations are also combinable. To book, call 020 7843 3580
or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel
TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND DATE RESTRICTIONS APPLY TO ALL OFFERS

Kensington Place

Give us your body for a we e k

and well give you b ack your mind

We designed the BodyHoliday to be an active beach holiday experience

based around four key pillars relaxation, rejuvenation, exercise and diet.
Together we believe they play a key role in achieving a sense of balance
in life and provide the ingredients for the perfect holiday.

The award winning health & wellbeing holiday in St Lucia, West Indies

0203 096 1624 www.thebodyholiday.com

what an eyeful
views, glorious views!

Amanoi

vinh hy bay, vietnam

Think a Vietnamese version of the Amalfi coast, but with

meandering cows replacing back-to-back Lamborghinis. Lush forests
and scrubby hills tumble down in great boulders to secret swathes
of beach. And there, overlooking an empty bay, is the just-opened
Amanoi, Amans first hotel in Vietnam a smattering of sleek
pavilions with vaulted ceilings, modern oak beds and grey wet-room
showers with doors that swoosh onto your private terrace. Take an
early morning pilates lesson on the lotus-flower-filled lake, then
hop in a buggy down to the beach club. Your breakfast backdrop:
the infinity pool, the deserted bone-white sand and fishing boats
bobbing about on the big blue. Play tennis, go kayaking, float over
the coral or trek through the nearby national park. At night, its
prawn and papaya salad or yellow chicken curry in the Central
Pavilion, and if you happen to get bitten by a mosquito, the sweet
staff will pick aloe vera from the garden and send it to your room.
Try getting an Italian waiter to do that. Website amanresorts.com
tel 00800 2255 2626 book it Pavilions from 475 per night.
Vietnam Airlines (vietnamairlines.com) flies direct from Gatwick
to both Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City twice a week, from 515.

Fellah Hotel

silk and morocco

fits. it just does.
silk and satin pyjamas,
295, by olivia von Halle
(net-a-porter.com)

photograph: amanresorts

marrakesh, morocco

Hotels in Marrakesh have gone stratospherically

luxurious where was there left to go? Out of town,
thats where: eight miles into the countryside to the
little village of Tssoultante with its views of the Atlas
Mountains. The Fellah has all those five-star Moroccan
details youd expect, but funked up zellige tiles in
the bathrooms, shiny, polished plaster walls, groovy
installation art, furniture made of bleached driftwood
and armchairs upholstered in coarse Berber cloth. Its
beautiful, stark and furiously stylish but with heart
too. The hotel is part of a local not-for-profit
organisation, which means that your tourist moolah
is poured straight back into the community. Local
children use the vast library, villagers prepare tea and
tajines at Touco restaurant and artists-in-residence hang
out by the pool. Kids can pet the goats and donkeys
and feed the chickens, or skip out of their private villas
to find a veteran beat-generation poet reading her work
to a gaggle of local schoolchildren. The Fellah is unique
but not for long. The king approves; hes asked for
more like this. Website fellah-hotel.com book it Black
Tomato (blacktomato.com; 020 7426 9888) offers three
nights from 1,045, including flights and transfers.

TAKE TWO
Get sMARt

there are goats here.

do you want to make
friends with them, or not?
Raising Goats for Dummies,
10, at Amazon
(amazon.co.uk)

a complimentary room upgrade when you stay

three nights or more. for details and to book,
visit tatler.com/traveloffers or ring 020 7426
9888 and quote tatler travel guide

35
tat le r t rav e l gu i d e 2 01 4

101 bEsT hoTELs

What an eyeful

Il Pellicano

poRTo ERcoLE, ITALy

Theres no question. Il Pellicano is the undisputed queen of the

Italian Riveria. Since the Sixties, legions of royals, Hollywood stars
and social titans have romped in the saltwater pool, lazed by
the cobalt Tyrrhenian and dreamt of staying forever. Clusters of
Tuscan-red buildings swathed in bright bougainvillea cling to
the untamed cliffs. Wend your way along winding steps down,
down, down to the Beach Club: lazy loungers, enormous parasols
and staff whose only wish is to please. (Fear not, there is a lift for
the return trip). Here its all about bikinis and martinis (barman
Federico will divulge his recipe if you ask nicely) and long lunches
alfresco where the biggest decision of the day is choosing between
the red mullet in courgette flower and the saffron risotto with
tuna tartare. Glorious sunsets, orange-scented breezes and Sinatra
soundtracks: this is proper old-world glamour. Of course, Il
Pellicano is a grown-up hotel but magically, surprisingly,
improbably it feels as intimate and discreet as a family villa.
With luck, yours. Website pellicanohotel.com book it Cleveland
Collection (clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843
3596) offers two nights from 650, including British Airways
flights and breakfast.
An 80-mInUTE coUpLEs mAssAGE, A hERbAL-TEA mAssAGE
pREpARATIon TREATmEnT, 15 pER cEnT DIscoUnT on Any fAcIAL oR
boDy TREATmEnT AnD A Room UpGRADE Upon ARRIVAL. foR DETAILs
AnD To book, VIsIT TATLER.com/TRAVELoffERs oR RInG 020 7843 3596 AnD
qUoTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

Shangri-La
Bosphorus
IsTAnbUL, TURkEy

Built mere steps from the Bosphorus

Strait, this regal residence is far
enough from the citys centre to
allow for some peace, but is close
enough to walk (in flats). Low-key
it aint, but then neither is the
setting: this is where you can see
two continents meet from your
private balcony, and gaze over the
comings and goings of one of the
worlds great waterways without so
much as lifting your head from
your bed. The Ottoman-chic suites
gilded mirrors, sink-right-in
carpets and whites so bright you
need sun-specs have floor-toceiling windows right over the
water. Its like being on a fancy
boat, only without all that lilting
and puking. Bathrooms are
swamped with marble and scattered
with Bulgari, and the pool has
pretty clouds painted above it so
you can float on your back and
dream of being swept away by a
sultan. Website shangri-la.com
tel 0800 028 3337 book it Double,
from 345, including breakfast.
36
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

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TATLER pRomoTion

Almy

rasp

Beach view from Anassa

Sweet escape
Be transported to a world of serene beaches, unrivalled service and guest
rooms youll never want to leave. Introducing Cypruss finest, Thanos Hotels
Holidays at the Thanos-run Anassa Hotel in Polis are
anything but ordinary. Staff will bend over backwards to
help you, the views are mesmerising (look one way and
youll see Asprokremnos beach and the other for pristine
Mediterranean countryside) and the guest rooms ooze
fabulousness. For a super-private getaway, we adore
the freshly opened Alcyone a two-bedroom private villa
with a vast terrace and private infinity pool. Children will
jump for joy at the newly enhanced kids club, which is
also available at Anassas equally
enticing sister hotel, Almyra, in
Paphos. Here, they can get involved
in everything from kite-making to
days spent playing with new friends
on the beach, while teens can chill
out in parent-free zone Escape. This
leaves plenty of time for adults to
soak up the Cypriot sunshine.
For more details, visit
thanoshotels.com

Hot off the press:

Thanos Hotels is set to
unveil its fantastic new
Ila collection at Anassa and
Almyra. Were proud to
introduce a bespoke range
that combines natural local
ingredients in results-focused
treatments, says Ila founder,
Denise Leicester.

Hot off the

Press:

He conducts live
cooking lessons
on YouTube, has
over 13,000 Twitter
followers and
now super-chef
Rob Shipman
has taken the reins as Executive Chef of
Thanos Hotels Almyra and Annabelle.
Inspired by Cypriot, Greek and Japanese
cuisines (he previously worked at
Nobu), Shipmans delectable dishes
Boutiqu
are truly mouth-watering dont miss
es at An
ass
his signature Omakase. He concocts
st
o
ck beau a and Almyra
rant
u
ta
s
tiful bea
re
equally
delicious
Zen
cocktails.
o
Basilik
chwear
Top tip: Try the Japanese French Kiss.
at Anassa

both

101 best Hotels

What an eyeful

Castell Son Claret

Mallorca, spain

Castell Son Claret is like a toddlers scrawl of what a

castle should be big, bold squares topped with
giant-tooth turrets. It might as well be drawn in
crayon. The inside, though, is utterly different (and,
for goodness sake, leave the kids at home): modern,
soft, all creams and beiges, with expanses of dark teak,
great slabs of marble, walls of glass, flashes of colourful
modern art and buttery leather furniture. The contrast
is staggering and completely sensational. And just
look out of the window! Youre sitting at the foot of
the Tramuntana mountains, so its velvety-green
Mallorcan hills wherever your eyes rest. At the pool,
iced tea and fruit-pure shots appear at your elbow as
if by magic, while the spa has heated massage beds
and about 2,000 variations of mood lighting. And
theres Michelin-starred delight in Zaranda restaurant
the Andratx red prawns are worth a visit in their
own right. Finish with a stroll and a snog in the dusk,
the scent of bergamot and romance heavy in the air.
Website castellsonclaret.com book it Red Savannah
(redsavannah.com; 01242 787800) offers three nights
from 935, including flights, transfers and breakfast.
a 40-Minute Massage per person and a rooM
upgrade. for details and to book, visit tatler.
coM/traveloffers or ring 01242 787800 and
quote tatler travel guide.

Iconic Santorini
santorini, greece

A view to fall in love over. Actually, scrap that: a view to fall in

love with. Steep cliffs, sugarcube houses and that sea the widest,
bluest, sparkliest sea youve ever seen. Youll find yourself staring,
slack-jawed, from the infinity pool, from the shady little restaurant,
from your sunny terrace and from the windows of your rock-hewn
room. Where, when it all gets too much, you can retreat into your
very own cave hideaway: smooth curves, white, bright, dotted with
rustic furniture an old metal shoe rack here, a distressed wooden
rocking chair there. It feels terrifically stylish but with a real sense
of place (and just one nod to modernity: a flatscreen TV). And,
when youve recovered from whats outside, when youve rediscovered
your companion, its worth noting that the walls are solid,
soundproof rock. Website iconicsantorini.com tel 020 7594 4790
book it Double, from 420, including breakfast.

El Encanto

santa barbara, usa

Set high in the Santa Barbara hills, El Encanto looks just as youd
expect a quintessentially all-American country club to: whitewashed
wood, miniature wooden signposts, monogrammed everything and
bouncy ash-blonde blowdries. The only thing missing is a frisky
young heiress on a polo pony. The suites are faultless, with remotecontrolled fires, wingback chairs and beds covered in pure cotton.
The spa, with its candy-stripe wallpaper and pale, linen-covered
daybeds would have Ralph Lauren weeping with joy. Join the
vacactioning Wasps on the terrace for Japanese-French fusion food
before withdrawing to your walled courtyard for a discreet nightcap
(shhh Wasps drink, but never after 10pm). Website elencanto.com
book it Audley (audleytravel.com; 01993 838700) offers three nights
as part of a 10-night trip, from 2,625, including flights and hire car.

38
tat le r t rav e l gu i d e 2 01 4

TATLER pRomoTion

Huvafen Fushi,
Maldives

Fairytale escape
For the holiday of your dreams, lose yourself in one of Per AQUUMs heavenly properties
Per AQUUM has a flair for creating fantastic
holidays in some of the worlds most desirable
and spectacular destinations. And with
properties in the utterly blissful Maldives and
glitzy and glamorous Dubai, Per AQUUM is
firmly fixed in the upper echelons of the luxury
travel scene.

Desert Palm, Dubai

Located in the lush grounds of a private polo estate, this intimate retreat (there are only suites
and private-pool villas) offers a refreshing alternative to the hustle and bustle of the city. Take in
spectacular views of Dubais skyline while dining on steak to die for at award-winning restaurant,
Rare, or watch world-class polo matches play out on the field below. Dab hands at the game can
pick up a mallet and join in the fun, while less sporty types can sip champagne in the adjacent
bar or treat themselves to a restorative treatment at the sumptuous LIME spa.

Huvafen Fushi, Maldives

The original Per AQUUM retreat, this

Maldivian hideaway is renowned for its
trailblazing concepts, including signature
restaurant, Raw, which serves only raw food,
and Vinum, a cavernous underground wine
cellar and private dining room. Because
Huvafen Fushi is situated on a pristine private
island, opportunities to venture into and onto
the sparkling Indian Ocean abound think
diving, snorkelling and sailing. And there are
plenty of chances to admire the seascape
from dry land, including from the comfort of the
very first underwater spa.

2014 Events

Desert Palm, Dubai

International DJs,
chefs, artists and
designers will
be at all three
properties in a
series of exclusive
events. Catch
Andreas Frankes
underwater art
exhibition at
Huvafen Fushi
and NIYAMA from
March to May.

NIYAMA, Maldives

NIYAMA, Maldives
For further information, please email info@peraquum.com or visit peraquum.com

The most recent addition to the Per AQUUM

portfolio blends tranquillity with a sense of fun.
Its laidback vibe contrasts nicely with Huvafen
Fushi, its older sister situated 45 minutes away
by seaplane. NIYAMA offers the obvious
white-sand beaches and crystalline Maldivian
waters and the surprising. Subsix, the worlds
first underwater music club, means you can
dance the night away below the waves, looking
out at a spotlit ocean. Above it and 500 metres
out to sea, theres Edge restaurant, serving
fresh fish as sublime as the panoramic views
of the Indian Ocean afforded from every table.
Choose to slumber on the beach or over water
in a studio or spacious pavilion.

All the world is

made of faith, and
trust, and pixie dust
J.M. Barrie,
Peter Pan

Luxury Family
Holidays
Giant Tortoises in The Seychelles
Tracking Manta Rays in The Maldives Cycling in Cambodia
Poo safaris in South Africa

Kangaroo spotting in Australia

Or simply a great beach

Tu r q u o i s e
The Turquoise Holiday Company

01494 678400
www.turquoiseholidays.com

@TurquoiseUK
turquoiseholidays
enquiries@turquoiseholidays.co.uk.

INN THE KNOW

Good things in small packages

The Oyster Inn

waiheke island, new Zealand

Say hello to Pearl the Kombi Van. Isnt she lovely? Shell be whizzing you from the ferry (Auckland is
just a 40-minute hop away) to this delicious gem, hidden away in the beachy village of Oneroa. What
a sweet, stylish introduction to a sweet, stylish find. Its all pared-back, salt-washed simplicity white
wood, soft alpaca weavings, crisp beds and a sea-flickery light pouring in from huge windows. Little
wonder its done with such panache: the power couple behind it is Andrew Glenn, ex-PR head honcho
at Louis Vuitton, and Jonathan Rutherfurd Best, party organiser extraordinaire. The restaurant is simple
but glorious: try spaghetti vongole, studded with tua tua, shellfish found on the beach by wriggling
your toes to feel for them. And the little shop sells yellow and white Havaianas to match Pearl.
Website theoysterinn.co.nz book it Double, from 150, including breakfast.

Kai Hakone
hakone, Japan

Learn this word: omotenashi. Its Japanese and basically means spoiling
the bejesus out of you. This modern, luxe take on the ryokan (a traditional
Japanese inn) is overflowing with it. Its enveloped by green forest and
has whopping views of Mount Fuji and minimalist rooms kitted out with
tatami mats, sliding paper doors, robes and slippers. The region is famous
for its hot springs and Kai Hakone has a contemporary take on this
too a series of steaming baths divided into male and female sections.
Prepare to be thoroughly omotenashid. Website global.hoshinoresort.com
book it Audley Travel (audleytravel.com; 01993 838200) offers three
nights from 3,390, as part of a 10-night trip, including flights,
transfers and breakfast (dinner included at Kai Hakone).

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The Idle Rocks

cornwall, enGland

David Richards knows a good thing when he sees it. The Aston
Martin chairman snaffled up this 100-year-old inn a few years ago
and has just relaunched it as Cornwalls brightest new star. Unlike
an Aston Martin, though, theres nothing flash about it. We have
his wife Karen, who has created a sea-breezy vibe, to thank for that.
She scoured vintage markets in France and Indian street bazaars to
assemble the characterful bedrooms: think groovy wooden lamps,
slinky mirrors, cool stripy linens and antique dressers. And the
view! You can almost reach out and touch the sea from your window
at high tide. Laze on the sun-drenched terrace, watch the boats
bob in the harbour and eat a plate of fish that was flapping about
in these very waters just hours before. Website idlerocks.com
tel 01326 270270 book it Double, from 180.

41
TaT le r T rav e l Gu i d e 2 01 4

brat pack
take the tykes

Watergate Bay Hotel

cornWall, enGland

You come here to get wet, make no mistake. And sandy. Very wet, very sandy. The hotel
is perched above a two-mile beach, and guests have three options. Learn to surf at the
Extreme Academy, which sucks up pasty urbanites and their couch-potato kids and spits
them out sparkling, breathless and with a new determination to rent Point Break; hunker
down with bucket and spade on the glorious beach; or decamp to the Swim Club, the
hotels new 3m spa, given a high-style, pop-colour makeover from the folks behind
Shoreditch House. Its so relaxed here that you can happily pad about barefoot; bedrooms
are simple and bring the seaside inside; the main restaurant is huge, open-plan and full
of families (yours wont be the only ones flinging cod goujons about the place). Jamie
Olivers Fifteen is a minutes walk away, or tuck into burgers and extreme hot chocolate
at the Beach Hut (extra marshmallows, to sugar them up before they hit the waves).
This is the new Cornwall, a Cornwall that doesnt feel much like England at all. Its more
Bondi, more Malibu, where youll be dining next to a dude in a wetsuit dripping seawater,
leaving a sandy trail of footprints in his wake. Were stoked. Website watergatebay.co.uk
tel 01637 860543 book it Double, from 125, including breakfast.

So cute, so
yellow, so useful.
it Will rain.
Childs
raincoat, 61,
by Petit
bateau (petitbateauco.uk)

TAKE
TWO

Wet N WilD

Grow a mullet;
get inspired.
its totally rad.
Point Break
DVD, 4,
Amazon
(amazon.co.uk)

Grootbos Private
Nature Reserve
Walker Bay, South africa

There are a million reasons to feel smug about staying

here. There are the OMG views across the wilderness
and the hazy, wave-thrashed curve of Walker Bay. There
are the bucket-list activities everything from horse
riding on the beach for the kids to cage-diving with great
whites for you. Theres the new villa, worthy of the
Hollywood Hills but without the spoilt, shouty
neighbours, and with six suites that have sprawling
decks, your own pool, a chef to whip up food for the
fussiest of little eaters, and an ever-so-clever guide. And
theres all the responsible stuff: the Grootbos Foundation
pours money back into the community, hires and trains
local youths and is BIG on conservation. So you can sit
smugly beneath twisted milkwood trees and tuck into
calamari steak with herby risotto, or zip out on the surf
to spot seals, or romp into the hills to peer at waxy fynbos
plants and spy the orange flash of a Cape rock-thrush
and know that youre doing good just by being there.
Website grootbos.com book it Africa Travel (africatravel.
co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843 3580) offers four nights from
1,925, full board, including British Airways flights.
OFF

free Whale-WatchinG Boat trip Worth 75. for

detailS and to Book, viSit tatler.com/travelofferS
or rinG 020 7843 3580 and quote tatler travel Guide.

42
tat le r t rav e l Gu i d e 2 01 4

Schloss Elmau
Bavaria, Germany

Theyre good at fairytale castles, those Germans.

And this Bavarian Alpine hideaway has a backdrop
plucked straight from the pages of a Brder Grimm
story: a soaring wall of mountain, rolling emerald
fields and deep, mysterious forests all around. Rooms
are elegant, parquet-floored, rich-red furnished and
big enough for Snow White to bed down with her
entire vertically challenged entourage. The views are
knock-you-down, but the real reason for coming here
is its brilliant combination of spa and culture. Spend
your days lolling around the largest hammam west
of Istanbul, or splashing about with the sprogs in
the dedicated family spa. At night you can feast on
Michelin-starred food before strolling over to the
grand hall for a full-blown concert. Hike through
the hills, whizz about on sledges or shoot over to the
nearby ski slopes. Or just do nothing: hide away in
the library, stare out at the snow and dream of
happily ever after. Website schloss-elmau.de
book it Cleveland Collection (clevelandcollection.
co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843 3596) offers five
nights from 1,295, half board, including
British Airways flights and transfers.
a Spa voucher Worth 25 per perSon, per niGht,
pluS a SchloSS elmau muSic cd. for detailS and
to Book, viSit tatler.com/travelofferS or rinG
020 7843 3596 and quote tatler travel Guide.

Domaine de Murtoli
corSica, france

Some 6,000 acres of untamed, rugged

wilderness tucked into Corsicas most
untamed, rugged corner, Domaine de Murtoli
is no ordinary family holiday. Here nature is
unhinged: wild pigs rootle in the fragrant
maquis, 4x4s bump and grind along perilous
dirt tracks, turquoise surf crashes onto
biscuit-coloured sand. Throw open the doors
and let the kids run free; there are no
neighbours to disturb. The 16 restored houses
old shepherds huts dotted around the hills
are done up to the Provenal nines:
Nespresso machines, La Cornue cookers,
chestnut floorboards, solid stone sinks. Pick
your own vegetables from the Poterie while the
kids learn to ride; dip into tartare de thon at
the beach restaurant while they hurtle down
the buttercup-yellow waterslide into the sea. At
October half-term and Christmas there are
organised childrens activities: they can fish,
hike, cook or get mud under their fingernails
on an archeological dig, while you do nothing
of the sort. Laze about, have a massage and
soak up the Murtoli magic. Website murtoli.
com tel 00 33 4 95 71 69 24 book it Twoperson villa, from 310, including breakfast.
43
tat le r t rav e l Gu i d e 2 01 4

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ith sixteen exquisite familyowned-and-run hotels across

the globe located everywhere
from Ireland to the USA Red Carnation
Hotels is a luxury hotel collection to be
reckoned with. It is lauded worldwide by
prestigious publications who wax lyrical about
everything from its supreme service to its
unsurpassed cuisine. Standing proud among
the world-renowned portfolio are three jawdropping South African retreats (home of the
companys roots), where the Red Carnation
team tailor memorable experiences to suit
everyone from families to honeymooners.

African

reincarnation

The Red Carnation Hotel collection of five-star boutique hotels offers heavenly holidays for
couples, families and friends. Theres no better way to see the enchanting sights of South Africa
the twelve Apostles
hotel And spA Nestled in the
staggering mountains from which it takes its
name, The Twelve Apostles makes for an
unforgettable stay. Revel in toe-tingling therapies
at the spa which uses Red Carnations very
own product range, B|Africa or kick back in the
16-seat private cinema. Banqueting is a delight.
Enjoy modern fusions and sumptuous seafood
at the internationally acclaimed Azure restaurant,
then head to the Leopard Bar to sip sunset
cocktails while watching whales and dolphins.

the oyster Box Situated on the

silky sand of Umhlanga beach, The Oyster
Box is an ocean-fronted paradise. Each of
the elegant guest rooms is decorated with
eclectic art and handpicked furniture and offers
breathtaking panoramic sea views, while the
serene spa is second to none. The creative
chefs rustle up a plethora of delectable dishes
for the legendary curry buffet every day and
freshly plucked oysters are par for the course.
Its no wonder The Oyster Box regularly attracts
an A-list clientele of Hollywood stars and royalty.

BushmAns Kloof
wilderness reserve To
explore the great outdoors in the height of luxury,
look no further than Bushmans Kloof, located
in the stunningly rugged Cederberg Mountains.
Guides will take you on sunset drives to spot
captivating African wildlife like Cape mountain
zebra. Be sure to indulge in back-to-nature
therapies in the outdoor gazebos or relax in
the crystalline pools. No request is too big or
small for the wonderfully warm staff, who are
practically friends for life by the time you leave.

For further information, please visit redcarnation.com

TATLER pRomoTion

Left-hand page: The Twelve Apostles.

Right-hand page (anti-clockwise from top):
The Oyster Box; Embers outdoor restaurant
at Bushmans Kloof; wedding gazebo at
The Twelve Apostles; hikers at Bushmans
Kloof; curry buffet at The Oyster Box

pure shores
take me to my beach...

Parrot Cay

turks anD caicos, caribbean

Curses on the inventor of the long lens. Those pesky paps and their beach-stalking
ways. But get this: at Parrot Cay, security guards on speedboats zoom round the
private island 24 hours a day. Discretion and privacy is everything here. You need
never see another guest, especially if you hole up in your own beach villa, with a
pool and a butler to attend to your every wheatgrass (or whisky) whim. Snorkel
with sharks, trek round nearby Iguana Island or sneak away to the sensational
Como Shambhala spa for life-changing yoga with ayurvedic expert Dr Pradeep.
Or just stroll on the baby-powder sand and try not to stare at the celebs. Oh yes,
everyone stays here we could tell you who, but we wont. Because thats the
whole point. website comohotels.com book it Cleveland Collection (cleveland
collection.co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843 3596) offers seven nights from 1,930,
including British Airways flights, transfers and breakfast.

Dorado Beach

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46
tat Le r t rav e L Gu i D e 2 01 4

photograph: don riddle

DoraDo, Puerto rico

Oh, how we love a bit of scandal. This hotel started

life as the plantation home of the original wild-child
American heiress, Clara Livingston (who, just so
you know, always packed a pistol). Then Laurance
Rockefeller snapped it up and turned it into a
celebrity bunkhouse JFK and Elizabeth Taylor
were regulars, and Joan Crawford demanded her
room be repainted pink (the hotel didnt dare refuse).
And now, the stately palms and golden sand still
tinged with wealth and intrigue, a meticulous
renovation has created a supernova sanctuary of
Caribbean chic. The theme park-sized alfresco Spa
Botnico is like a tropical apothecary, with bucket
showers and rainforest baths and treatment spaces
open to the trees. The rooms are nestled within a
sprawl of heady foliage and burping coqu frogs and
outdoor garden showers are large enough to hold a
gaggle of Fifties starlets. How scandalous. How very
JFK. website ritzcarlton.com
tel 0800 234000 book it Double, from 865.

101 best hoteLs

Pure shores

Mukul

rivas, nicaraGua

Pop quiz! Name Nicaraguas

most famous export. No?
Nothing? Its rum, and the very
finest is Flor de Caa. The
owners of this scrumptious spirit
(bear with us, there is a point to
this) are the Pellas family, and
nearly there this year they
opened up Nicaraguas very first
beach resort. And what a resort.
Beachside villas and treehouse
bohios are perched on the arid
Pacific coastline in an area so
wild that you might bump
into locals hunting armadillos
with spears. Overlooking
Manzanillo beach, they have
soaring ceilings, lots of
sustainable teak and colourful
handicrafts, a private plunge
pool and monsoon showers.
Release baby turtles, snorkel the
reef or yomp along one of the
nature trails to spot parrots
quarrelling in the branches.
Or sit on the wide, empty
beach, stare at the great
rollers and sip on a tot of
Nicaraguas finest export.
website mukulresort.com book it
The Ultimate Travel Company
(theultimatetravelcompany.co.uk;
020 3051 8098) offers six
nights, half board, from 2,480
including American Airlines
flights and transfers.

St Regis Mauritius
Le Morne PeninsuLa, Mauritius

The St Regis is a boasty sort of place, but then so would you be. It
claims to have the best address on Mauritius and, crikey, you cant
fault it, set on its own white-sand peninsula skirting a sleepy Indian
Ocean lagoon, with the dramatic Le Morne Brabant monolith
looming overhead. Colonial rooms are all polished wood, wide
verandas and ceiling fans that lend the nostalgic atmosphere of a
pukka plantation. But theres surfer cool, too. The islands poshest
kite-surfing school the Club Mistral Prestige adds boardshort
style to the signature St Regis New York sophistication of
midnight champagne suppers, elegant afternoon teas, the slick
Iridium Spa and butler service that sets the standard. The bar
serves local rum and aloe-vera juice Bloody Marys and the
restaurants do a brilliant turn at Mauritian multiculturalism.
Big-headed? Quite right too. website stregismauritius.com
book it Carrier (carrier.co.uk; 0161 492 1358) offers seven nights
from 2,455, half board, including flights and transfers.
a 50 sPa creDit Per rooM, Per stay. for DetaiLs anD to book,
visit tatLer.coM/traveLoffers or rinG 0161 492 1358 anD quote
tatLer traveL GuiDe.

47
tat Le r t rav e L Gu i D e 2 01 4

101 BeSt hOteLS

Pure shores

Isla Palenque
chiriqui, panama

Theres no dodging it: its a schlepp to get

here a flight to Panama City, a domestic hop
to David, a car ride and, sigh, a boat. Sorry.
But once youre here... Isla Palenque is an
island of 400 acres, in the remote Gulf of
Chiriqui in the far west of Panama. Its
smothered in jungle, so the soundtrack comes
courtesy of the tribes of howler monkeys
that romp through the treetops. Or the thud
of a coconut dropping onto the deserted
butterscotch sands. Or the gentle lap, lap, lap
of the moss-green ocean. Ben Loomis is the
Alabama-raised architect behind it all, and his
ethos is low-key eco just six rooms hidden
in the canopy, with bamboo floors and
headboards hewn from driftwood, plus the
new tented suites with open platforms amid
the branches. Rumble through the jungle, go
rock fishing, stand screaming and soaking next
to the giant blowhole or get dropped off with
your partner at a deserted neighbouring island
with a picnic, to be picked up three hours
later. What you do in those three hours is, of
course, entirely up to you. website amble.com
tel 00 507 777 9260 book it Double, from
200. Iberia (iberia.com) flies from London
to Panama City from 600.

Hotel Saint-Barth
Isle de France
Saint BarthS, cariBBean

Youre on the
beach, but thats
no excuse for
slacking.
lace and leather
shoes, 520, by
Nicholas
kirkwood
(nicholas
kirkwood.com)

We want these,
but personalised.
theyll definitely
help us fit in with
the sailing crew.
set of two
captains hats,
38, by
Capestarr
(etsy.com)

TAKE
TWO
toP to toe

48
tat Le r t raV e L Gu i D e 2 01 4

This tiny dot of an island is a magnate

magnet: Abramovich, Paul Allen, Jay Z.
It heaves with glitz and glamour and,
not surprisingly, five-star hotels. Our
favourite is a little beauty that sings
rather than shouts. Fall out of your
four-poster and flop onto the best beach
on St Barths. Cedric (white shades,
matching shorts) will deliver a pre-lunch
mojito, then its a saunter to the beach
bistro for iced gazpacho, local wahoo
ceviche and a glass of Domaine Ott.
When youve caught enough sun, off
to the spa you go for Natura Bisss
age-defying facial. Then back to your
garden bungalow cosy, quiet or opt
for centre stage with one of the beach
rooms, steps from the freshwater pool,
the open-air restaurant and the pocketsized boutique, which on Tuesday
evenings stages a fashion show starring
the staff s sprogs. website isle-de-france.
com book it Original Travel
(originaltravel.co.uk; 020 3627 4249)
offers six nights from 2,655, including
flights and transfers.

TATLER pRomoTion

grecian
beauty

For extraordinary five-star flair, head to Sani Resort

home to four out-of-this-world hotels
ideal for family holidays

clockwise from top:

Sani resort beach;
Sani resort Marina;
Porto Sani resort
beach club pools

s
Sani Asterias Suite

Sani Bea
ch Club
Suite

the Aegean Sea under the watchful eye

amily-owned Sani Resort, situated
of lifeguards. Parents can relax by taking
in a private eco-reserve in northern
advantage of the genius Babewatch service,
Greece, has long been a favourite
which has trained staff dedicated to looking
holiday destination of those in the
after little ones on the shore.
know. But now this collection of luxury hotels
Away from the sand, the luxuriously
and pristine beaches each with its own
renovated Sani Beach Hotel provides
unique character has got even more to
guests with a warm welcome, impressive
offer. The attentive ve-star service given
facilities including exciting
in each of the hotels has
Parents can relax by taking restaurants, bars and a
been transported outside
spa and new two-bedroom
in the form of the Sani
advantage of the genius
Family Suites that can
Beach Experience, which
Babewatch service,
sleep up to two adults
ensures guests
and three children. With
of all ages will be
which has trained staff
spacious separate living
exceptionally well
dedicated to looking after areas and private terraces
looked after.
or balconies, they are ideal
Beach Buddies
little ones on the shore
for larger families while the
serve delicious
beautiful Panorama Junior Suites which
drinks and snacks to sunbathers
offer spectacular views over the Aegean
relaxing on well-spaced-apart,
are perfect for smaller families.
comfortable beach beds and
So, if youre craving something a little bit
uffy towels while children play
special, Sani Resort has your answer.
in the shallow, warm waters of

TaTler
offer
Sani Resort is
offering Tatler
readers up to 20%
off accommodation
bookings made
before 15 February
2014, including
complimentary
airport transfers
and the Babewatch
service on the
beach.
To book, visit
saniresort.com/
tatler14
call 0800 949 6809
or email
crs@saniresort.gr
SuBJEct to
AvAilABility

101 beSt hOteLS

Pure shores

El Secreto

ambergriS caye, beLize

Last night I dreamt of San Pedroooooo. The

island breeze is tropical; the nature is wild and free,
and do you know where you are yet? La Isla
Bonita! Si! Madonna adored Ambergris Caye in
Belize, which its said she crooned about in La Isla
Bonita, and now the islands quietest corner has
been turned into its chicest retreat. El Secreto is all
youd hope for: squeaky, chalk-white sand; glassy
green water; palm trees waving against a neon-blue
sky. There are just a handful of rustic thatched
villas, with huge outdoor showers, private plunge
pools and local art jollying up the walls. But this is
no place to hide away in your room. This is a place
to kayak, to strap on a mask and drift over the
second-largest barrier reef in the world, or to swing
in a hammock (there are hammocks everywhere).
Pad about (no shoes allowed) for a rum punch in
the sandy bar and abalone ceviche in the restaurant,
then hitch a ride on the launch to San Pedro Town,
for sundowners and a dance in the sand. This is
where we long to be... Website elsecretobelize.com
book it Steppes Travel (steppestravel.co.uk; 0845
075 6079) offers five nights as part of a six-night
trip, from 3,125, including flights and transfers.

Sugar Beach

St Lucia, caribbean

Every now and again we come across a hotel that ticks all of our
boxes. Crescent of creamy sand lapped by the warm Caribbean?
Tick. Elegant villas with heartbreaking views of the jungly Pitons?
Tick. Fabulous food in a barefoot beach bar, plus smart suppers in
a romantic plantation house? Tick tick. Staff who genuinely like
children who get them romping in the kids club while you wallow
in the treetops spa? Tickety tick. The grounds are like a Disney
version of the tropics: vast pink and purple trumpet flowers, thumbsized emerald-green hummingbirds, butterflies as big as your hand
and tiny geckos darting between the trees. The only thing missing is
a princess prancing around with hibiscus flowers in her hair. Snorkel
out over the coral, loll in your plunge pool counting dragonflies, sink
into a beanbag on the sand at dusk watching an open-air movie, the
stars winking at you through the palm fronds, and thank the heavens
that this place has got it all so right. Website viceroyhotelsandresorts.
com book it Carrier (carrier.co.uk; 0161 492 1354) offers seven
nights from 1,770, including Virgin Atlantic flights and transfers.
a reSOrt credit WOrth 60 per rOOm, per Stay. fOr detaiLS and
tO bOOk, viSit tatLer.cOm/traveLOfferS Or ring 0161 492 1354 and
quOte tatLer traveL guide.

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50
tat Le r t rav e L gu i d e 2 01 4

A Sophisticated Escape

All year round

Overlooking its own dazzling blue bay, Kempinski Hotel Barbaros Bay oers
an oasis of serenity, where guests can luxuriate in the world renowned Spa
or lose themselves in daydreams in reposeful areas...
+90 252 311 0303 | reservations.barbaros@kempinski.com | kempinski.com/bodrum

Mahali Mzuri, kenya

Having opened in August 2013, Mahali Mzuri (Swahili for beautiful
place) is the newest safari kid on the block and Richard Bransons
latest brainchild. Unsurprisingly it has sprinted out of the starting blocks
in its first three months it has taken repeat bookings for next year
from travellers bowled over by the stupendous scenery and African
charm. Check into one of 12 glamorous tents (decked out with en-suite
bathrooms and platforms to survey the savannah) for an epic
safari adventure.
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a four-night stay
from 3,175 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Mahali Mzuri, Kenya

where the wild things are

Explore Kenyan nature reserves from a hot air balloon, get within metres of Victoria Falls or be spoilt
at a Wilderness Safaris luxury camp. Africa Travel shows you this magical continent from every angle

governors il Moran caMp, kenya

Small and intimate, this is a dream destination for honeymooners. The
ultra-exclusive camp at the heart of the Masai Mara National Reserve
boasts superb game viewing, and at the height of luxury. Within the
decadent tents (there are only 10), the beds are built from ancient
olive trees and the Victorian baths are vast. Evenings can be spent
dining by candlelight under a canopy of giant evergreen trees on the
meandering banks of the Mara River. Experience the thrill of following
trails, hearing calls from the bush, and observing wild animals with the
enthusiastic and entertaining staff, who can guide you by car, foot or
even hot air balloon.
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a three-night stay

from 1,925 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.

To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Governors IL Moran Camp, Kenya

royal livingstone, zaMbia

All aboard the Royal Livingstone Express! After 2012s multimilliondollar refurbishment, we knew big things were on the horizon for this
already superlative Zambian resort. New this year is a breathtaking
route for the hotels historic steam train chug across the Zambezi
River and see the mighty Victoria Falls up close in all its glory. Visit
at night to see spellbinding night rainbows or moonbows as the
moonlight catches the waterfall spray. Back at the hotel, dont be
surprised to see zebra and giraffe wandering the grounds animals
have right of way here.
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a three-night stay
from 1,799 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Royal Livingstone, Zambia

TATLER pRomoTion

odzala, republic of congo

Come here and stay in extraordinary bamboo and palm treehouses at
Ngaga and Lango Camps, which boast the ultimate vantage points to
watch western lowland gorillas and forest elephants in the wild. Follow
well-trodden routes of gorilla groups with Odzalas expert trackers,
and discover the hidden wonders of the jungle via pirogue rides down
rainforest rivers, as well as game drives across the savannah.
TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange three nights at
Ngaga Camp and three nights at Lango Camp from 6,325 per
person sharing, including British Airways flights. To book, call 020
7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Namibia, Wilderness Safaris

wilderness caMps, naMibia

Odzala, Republic of Congo,

Wilderness Collection

Encompassing two expansive deserts, striking red dunes, the spectacular

Skeleton Coast and Fish River Canyon second only to the Grand Canyon
in size Namibia boasts more natural wonders than you can shake a stick
at. Dotted across the vast rugged terrain are 11 utterly brilliant, but largely
under the radar, Wilderness Camps that are crying out to be visited. Head
to the thatched huts at Damaraland Camp in Kunene to spy endangered
desert elephants and rhinos. Or try Ongava Tented Camp in Etosha
National Park an ideal spot for snapping photos of wildlife at the reserves
massive waterhole. Or why not whizz around Kulala Desert Lodge by quad
bike and clamber to the top of Sossusvleis nearby red dunes for orange
African sunsets? We didnt say it would be an easy decision.

north island, seychelles

abu caMp, botswana

They dont come more exclusive than North Island. Here, the
turquoise tide laps over the sandy shores of an out-of-reach paradise
island hideaway, with just 11 villas. Each of these extraordinary
sanctuaries designed by local craftsmen is raised to catch the
cool breeze of the sea and offer panoramic views of the Indian
Ocean. But this is more than just a luxury bolthole. The island
has adopted the moniker of Noahs Ark, thanks to its ongoing
conservation project to reintroduce endangered species into their
natural habitat.

If youve got a soft spot for elephants, this is made for you. Dubbed
the original elephant experience, the luxurious Abu Camp in
Botswana is home to a mismatched family of rescue elephants,
including Kiti and Paseka, who were rejected from their original
herds. Guests can get up close and personal (and even ride) the
elephants by day while, by night, seize the chance to spend a night
in the camps incredible Star Bed a wooden decking raised high
above ground level with double bed and bathroom. Where else can
you drift into slumber between the stars and a herd of elephants?

TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a five-night stay

from 11,580 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

TATLER OFFER Africa Travel can arrange a three-night stay

from 4,725 per person sharing, including British Airways flights.
To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel.

North Island, Seychelles, Wilderness Collection

Abu Camp, Botswana, Wilderness Collection

Locations are also combinable. To book, call 020 7843 3580

or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel
TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND DATE RESTRICTIONS APPLY TO ALL OFFERS

SASS And THE CITY

Queens of the hood

Four Seasons Toronto

ToRonTo, cAnADA

By moving out of its old building and into purpose-built premises around the corner, the Four
Seasons in Toronto has done the equivalent of dumping its wife of 50 years for a twentysomething
girlfriend with a stylish wardrobe and flat stomach. This sleek new hotel the flagship of a
company that launched in this very city more than half a century ago is tall and skinny, with a
triple-height lobby and slender rooms. Theyve all had the iPad treatment you can do anything
from ordering room service to booking spa sessions. Guests are a mix of rock stars, people who
would like to sleep with rock stars and casually dressed tourists who are oblivious to the rock stars.
The huge spa is a marble-clad rabbit warren of cosy nooks, while the formal restaurant is decorated
with paintings by Mr Brainwash, star of the Banksy documentary Exit Through the Gift Shop.
Just the sort of thing a young squeeze would appreciate. Website fourseasons.com tel 00 800
6488 6488 book it Double, from 400. Air Canada (aircanada.com) flies from Heathrow
to Toronto four times a day, from 585. Visit travelontario.co.uk for more information.

Palihouse
Santa Monica
LoS AnGELES, USA

The Palihouse is a bit like a treasure hunt: you

never know what youre going to find. Its
whimsical, in a way that really, really works in
the salt-washed, sun-dappled Santa Monica
setting (a style that has somehow eluded local
hoteliers). The building is Spanish Colonial and
filled with a playfulness that makes you think
Californians have finally cottoned on to the
effectiveness of a little irony. Time to rejoice
in the power of pick n mix decor a stuffed
mallard in the lobby, a pair of antlers above
your bed, a tangerine-printed armchair, a dusty
pink plush footstool pushed up against a leather
Fifties side chair. Bedrooms have vintage
wallpaper and many have pretty kitchens with
cheerfully stripy chairs. Art deco mirrors,
mid-century lamps, paintings balanced on stacks
of books all is slightly off-kilter, but well
put-together and grown-up. Its refined and quiet
despite all that tongue-in-cheek design, and for
a slice of LA action, the beach and Third Street
Promenades retail catwalk are a quick skip (or
ironic slouch) away. Say hello to the new SoCal.
Website palihousesantamonica.com tel 001 310
394 1279 book it Double, from 190.

TAKE
TWO
iN tUNe

Wouldnt it be nice to
own this suitcase?
the safari suitcase, from
1,055, by Globe trotter
(globetrotter.com)

54
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

photographs: dylan + jeni, mike schwartz

california dreamin?
So are we.
Thats Why God Made the
Radio, by the beach boys,
7.99 on itunes

Hotel B
LImA, PERU

Shrouded in sea fog, Lima was never much of a looker. But, clever girl, shes getting good at
flaunting her other assets. Theres a dazzling arts and foodie scene, and finally, joyfully a
proper showstopper hotel. Hotel B rides on the coattails of Limas artsiest neighbourhood,
Barranco (home to Mario Testinos MATE institute). A whitewashed Belle Epoque mansion
bristling with balconies, inside its all sweeping staircases and soaring ceilings and, yes, oodles of
art. Theres everything from ancient Peruvian tapestries to giant pop art, all taking pride of place
in restored rooms with vast beds and elegant furniture. Local culinary star Oscar Velarde oversees
the restaurant, putting a Mediterranean spin on traditional Peruvian cooking. Climb to the
rooftop lounge for cocktails, a hot tub and swooning Pacific views and let yourself be seduced by
this late bloomer. Website hotelb.pe book it Journey Latin America (journeylatinamerica.co.uk;
020 8747 8315) offers five nights from 1,335, including flights, transfers and breakfast.
fIVE nIGhTS foR ThE PRIcE of foUR. foR DETAILS AnD To book, VISIT TATLER.com/TRAVELoffERS oR RInG
020 8747 8315 AnD QUoTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

The Langham Chicago

chIcAGo, USA

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The windy city is mighty pretty, and the views

here give you an eyeful: the Chicago River rushing
to greet Lake Michigan; shiny scrapers all around;
hot bods in the Trump Towers gym just across the
road. The Langham is bang in the middle of town,
so the magnificent collection at the Art Institute,
Millennium Park with its big, blinged-up bean
(Sir Anish Kapoors sculpture Cloud Gate) and
the shops of Michigan Avenue are all on your
doorstep. Housed in the last building ever
designed by modernist master Mies van der Rohe,
the hotel doffs its cap to his hip mid-century style
with white-leather chaise-longues and a deco drinks
cabinet in the suites. The bar, with roving cocktail
cart, is just the place to get your moll on. Rooms
are big big enough to swing an architect by his
ankles with super-size TVs and clever glass
screens between bathroom and bed that mist up
at the touch of a button. The Club Lounge has
the best butlers, the concierge will direct you to
the most secluded beach, the greeters are pretty in
pink Chanel and bowls of roses waft their scent as
you trot through the lobby. Website chicago.
langhamhotels.com book it Holidays Please
(holidaysplease.co.uk; 0845 365 6565) offers
seven nights from 1,450, including flights.
55
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

101 beSt hotelS

Sass and the city

Mandarin Oriental
Pudong, Shanghai

red = good fortune and

joy in china. these shoes
= good fortune and joy
anywhere.
suede shoes, 780,
by Manolo blahnik
(020 7352 8622)

Shanghai, china

It has taken the Mandarin Oriental all of five

minutes to become the hottest address in the
city. Its Shanghai incarnate cutting-edge,
confident, sparkly on the surface, but with a
deep bow to tradition on the inside. Step out
of the hotels wi-fi-enabled BMW limo, with
the glass towers of the Lujiazui business district
looming above, and dont even look for your
LV luggage (the only acceptable kind in
China) it will be transported to your golden
room (gold means good fortune) beside a pot
of steaming chrysanthemum tea before youve
even clip-clopped across the marble lobby.
The siren call of the spa is hard to resist so
dont. Doe-eyed therapists from Inner
Mongolia will work you into a mussy-haired
stupor. Drag a brush through your thatch and
head to the terrace for a potent Missionarys
Downfall cocktail and a gawp at some of
Shanghais 100,000-plus millionaires. Then
slip into a white-lacquer booth at Yong Yi
Ting for crispy chicken, dainty dim sum and
plum sorbet just the thing to welcome you
to the new China. Website mandarinoriental.
com book it Cleveland Collection (cleveland
collection.co.uk; 020 7843 3596) offers two
nights from 1,975, as part of a seven-night
trip, including British Airways flights,
transfers and breakfast.

TAKE
TWO
Get lUCkY

Wear this and youll be

everyones lucky charm
the chinese year of the
horse starts in february.
Gold-plate ring,
240, by Chlo
(matchesfashion.com)

JK Place Roma
roMe, italy

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Oh JK, how we love you. Long the purveyors of

cool opulence (Firenze! Capri!), those clever
chaps have now scooted over to Roma. And
theyve outdone themselves. Walking into JK
Place Roma is a bit like walking into the home of
the chicest person you know the one with the
best collection of art and mid-century modern
furniture but where the staff are always
bringing you little plates of freshly baked
biscotti. The dining room is jade-coloured with
velvet banquettes an appropriately plush
setting for the souped-up Roman staples that
come out of the kitchen (homemade gnocchi,
meltingly tender beef ). The bathrooms are BIG
and marble and there is a terrace on the roof for
evening aperitivos. Of course there is. Its all
hidden away down a narrow sidestreet, just
moments from the thronging intersection of
Via del Corso and Via Condotti. The perfect
haven from the eternal bustle of the eternal city.
Website jkroma.com tel 00 39 06 982634
book it Double, from 510, including breakfast.
Easyjet (easyjet.com) flies from Gatwick to
Rome up to four times a day, from 75.
56
tat le r t raV e l gu i D e 2 01 4

TATLER pRomoTion

Into the blue

Authentic and individual, Blue Palace Resort & Spa on the

ancient island of Crete will take your breath away

Blue Palace is refreshingly individual, the result of CEO

and owner Yiannis Sbokoss vision to create an authentic
Cretan experience with all the luxury trimmings. Now
celebrating 10 years, its on our one-to-watch list.
Blue Palace has the X-factor. Its situated on the coast
of Elounda and has the Greek-beach vibe down to a fine
art. An infinite blue horizon, private beach and calm sea
set the scene, but beyond the bikinis and Bellinis, Cretes
raw beauty and cultural intensity is palpable. Cretans
are fiercely proud of their island and with good reason.
Ancient villages, charming churches, quirky wineries,
wonderful food and countless historical treasures (the
Palace of Knossos is a must-visit) create an island that is
as fun as it is fascinating.
What we love about Blue Palace is that this couldnt
just be anywhere in the Med, it lives and breathes Crete
in all its multifaceted glory. Food plays an important role
in island life; the freshest ingredients possible are used
to create a purity of taste. At Blue Palace, things are no
different with the five restaurants celebrating local produce:
Flame (an exceptional steakhouse) opened primarily to
support nearby farms. The traditional Blue Door, located
in an old fishermans stone house, always serves the
catch of the day accompanied by Greek meze. You can
also enjoy a Cretan breakfast under the olive trees at the
main restaurant, OLEA, sample Greek cookery lessons

Tatler offer

or set sail up the coast and around the historic island of

Spinalonga on a traditional caique (Greek fishing boat),
laden with Cretan wine and cheese.
And for those wanting to kick back, relax and revel in
the luxury: sink into your private plunge pool, sip cocktails
at the Isola Beach Bar or head to the Elounda Spa for
an open-air massage and thalassotherapy session.
Whatever you do, wherever you go, Crete is the word.

Elegant Resorts is
offering Tatler readers
a seven-night stay at
Blue Palace from 995
per person (saving
450 each). This is
based on two sharing
a Superior Bungalow
Sea View on a halfboard basis and
includes flights from
London Gatwick and
private car transfers.
To book your holiday
with Elegant Resorts,
call 01244 897524
or email enquiries@
elegantresorts.co.uk
Offer is valid throughout the
2014 season (26 April28
October) and must be booked
between 231 December 2013.

For further information, call 00 30 2841 065500 or visit

bluepalace.gr

Subject to availability.

101 BEST HOTELS

Sass and the city

Sans Souci Vienna

VIENNA, AuSTrIA

Vienna: polished, fur-lined, laced-up, ever so hoity-toity.

But trendy? Sexy? Not so much. And then in waltzed the
new Sans Souci, a zippy little number squished into the
baroque formality of the Spittelberg District (Viennas most
bohemian neighbourhood and right by all its fabulous
museums). The building dates from 1872, but inside its
been nipped, tucked and thoroughly lifted by Philippe
Starcks creative team, Yoo. Oooh, it cuts a dash. Mosaic
floors, cascading modern chandeliers and huge black doors
studded la Versace with golden suns are offset by polite
nods to Viennas gilded past 18th-century furniture
reupholstered in grape-jelly purple, sitting prettily between
modern pieces by Tom Dixon and Arne Jacobsen. Rooms
are in soothing creams, with parquet floors, Eastern rugs
and quilted leather headboards that you want to press
your face against, and theres art everywhere original
Lichtensteins and Picassos. Smoke a cigar in the candlelit
bar, tuck into gourmet organic local fare in the slick
restaurant or take a dip in the sultry 20-metre pool, hidden
away in a vaulted underground chamber. Looks like this
grand old town is kicking off its shoes, loosening its collar
and showing us a bit of skin. Website sanssouci-wien.com
tel 00 43 1 522 25 20 book it Double, from 180.

Mercer Barcelona
BArCELONA, SpAIN

Its a historical sort of place, the Mercer, which is quite a feat given
that its new and shiny as a pin. Squirrelled away in a quiet street in
the Gothic Quarter, the building incorporates the old Roman city
walls, dating back to the 1st century, which gets Americans all
worked up. But then alongside all that antiquity are smooth modern
textures a glass-enclosed courtyard, orb-like lights, steel fixtures.
The rooms are big, with exposed stone walls and a calm palette of sand
and mink jazzed up by candy-coloured sofas. The courtyard, set
around 17th-century columns and sweet orange trees, is transformed
into the main restaurant at night. The food goes all out: almond and
celery-lime ice cream, pigeon with pigs trotters. Then flit up to the
roof bar and channel some Vicky Cristina Barcelona in a stylish,
romantic way, not a threesome way. Unless you wish. Were not
judging. Website mercerbarcelona.com tel 00 34 93 310 74 80
book it Double, from 250, including breakfast.

Viceroy New York

NEw YOrk, uSA

If Don Draper were a hotel, he would be something like the Viceroy.

Drenched in machismo, the interior is as dark and suggestive as a
midnight whisky sour and a roving hand. Speaking of cocktails,
they serve them all day in the lobby, which is just as things
should be. Colours are broody, moody, with lots of wood panelling,
brass fittings and Paonazzo marble. The rooms are Midtowncompact, smothered in rich wood, with custom-made covetable
leather furniture and the wafting scent of something rather virile,
courtesy of olfactory specialists 1229. Bathrooms look like a vintage
gentlemens barbershop and come stocked with full-sized Neil
George products. Scrub up, put on your glad rags and pop down
to Marc Murphys Kingside restaurant for signature boudin
blanc and sweetbreads. Then its to the roof for 29th-floor views,
a nightcap and a sly grope. There is a plunge pool downstairs
if you need to simmer down. Website viceroyhotelsandresorts.com
tel 00 212 830 8000 book it Double, from 350, including
breakfast. British Airways (ba.com) flies from Heathrow to
New York 55 times a week, from 520.
58

TAT LE r T rAV E L Gu I D E 2 01 4

BEYOND
EXPECTATION
You want the conditions to
be perfect even before
the skiing begins.

Boots warmed ready for

the slopes, one of the many
reasons why.

stregis.com

a legacy of luxury. now at over 30 of the worlds finest hotels & resorts.
africa the americas asia europe the middle east
2013 Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Preferred Guest, SPG, St. Regis and their logos are the trademarks of Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, Inc., or its a0liates.

101 BEST hOTELS

Sass and the city

Hub Porteo

BUENOS AIRES, ARGENTINA

Eva Pern swore shed bomb the neighbourhood of Recoleta, home

to Buenos Aires landowning, cattle-ranching aristos. She ended up
being buried in its marble-walled necropolis instead. Such is life.
A short walk from her resting place is Hub Porteo, a Belle Epoque
mansion once home to the owner of the local branch of Harrods.
The hub idea is simple but clever: as well as providing you with a
palatial bedroom, incredible food and all the other things youd
expect from a top-notch hotel, Hub Porteo can curate your visit.
That means the attentive staff knock together meticulous itineraries
for you (on iPads or in print), with anything from polo to boutique
shopping, or you can opt out and just bed down. And what a place to
bed down. The citys cosmopolitan heritage appears in tropical wood,
Andean textiles and imported objets snaffled up at the citys auction
houses. Theres a roof terrace for cocktails and a hotel bar thats a
sultry, lets-disappear-in-a-haze-of-cognac affair; and the restaurant,
Tarquino, is the hottest in town. Its headed by El Bulli-trained
innovator Dante Liporace get him to make you the Sequence of
the Cow. You wont eat again for days. Website hubporteno.com
book it Cox & Kings (coxandkings.co.uk; 0845 154 8941) offers
five nights from 2,195, including flights, transfers and breakfast.
SIx NIGhTS fOR ThE pRIcE Of fIVE. fOR DETAILS AND TO BOOk, VISIT TATLER.
cOm/TRAVELOffERS OR RING 0845 154 8941 AND qUOTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

Grand Hotel
du Palais Royal
pARIS, fRANcE

With three of Pariss palace hotels closed

for facelifts, hair-pulling hysteria about
where to stay there is at fever pitch. Deep
breath: the new Grand Hotel du Palais
Royal has filled the void. Concealed
behind the Palais Royal, this 18th-century
architectural beauty (done up by design
darling Pierre-Yves Rochon) is a real find.
Theres a sensational central spiral staircase
that soars seven storeys sliding down the
balustrade strictly not allowed. The rooms,
all in soothing tones of pistachio, mauve
and taupe, are pure zen zones. Some suites
have balconies with heart-stopping views
of the Eiffel Tower, Palais Garnier and
Montmartre, while others offer private
access essential if youre channelling
Greta Garbo. After a long day of
shopping, collapse in the bar and order
a Lullifizz (champagne, rum, strawberry,
lemon and mint) or book a treatment
at the sparkling Carita spa downstairs.
Remember that whatever you need or
want, be it a Mont Blanc from Angelina
or a private view of the Mona Lisa, Malik,
the dashing concierge, is your man. This
hotels a keeper; it belongs on your speeddial. Website grandhoteldupalaisroyal.com
tel 00 33 1 42 96 15 35 book it Double,
from 335.
60
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

TATLER pRomoTion

Marvel

at MaLta

For a city break, wander the sunny streets of Valletta and

soak up the colourful culture, fabulous shopping and jawdropping views across the Mediterranean Sea

or a city so small astonishingly it spans less

than a square kilometre Maltas walled capital
Valletta packs a punch. Its grid of narrow
cobbled streets are anked by head-turning
artworks, churches and palaces as well as stunning
fountains and statues, which commemorate Vallettas
historical twists and turns.
At the heart of the city, Republic Street is kitted out
with swanky international stores, whilst parallel lies the
more rough-around-the-edges Merchant Street home
to an amazing open-air market. Visit the Upper Barrakka
Gardens for views of the Grand Harbour (which is teaming
with superyachts) and dont miss St Johns Co-Cathedral,
which houses Caravaggio paintings. Further aeld, stroll
through sun-dappled squares (we love Piazza Regina),
take your pick from scores of quaint cafs and potter
amongst miniature one-of-a-kind shops.
And as Malta is virtually smack-bang in the middle of
the Mediterranean roughly 100 kilometres south of Sicily
you know youll be in for some good weather.

Stroll through sun-dappled squares

and potter amongst miniature
one-of-a-kind shops

are a com
mon sigh
t in Vall
etta

outside valletta
Regions surrounding Valletta boast equally exciting
sights and, helpfully, everyones rst language is
English. Just 20 minutes drive outside the capital,
4,000-year-old city Mdina is well worth visiting. Nobility
has resided here for hundreds of years, and its shady
streets are lined with palaces and extraordinary
baroque and medieval architecture. Be sure to go to
Fontanella Tea Garden while youre there, home to
dream views and melt-in-the-mouth chocolate cake.

throughout
January 2014, Valletta
will host the International
Baroque Festival, featuring
show-stopping performances
from acts like the Malta
Philharmonic Orchestra.
For more information, visit
vallettabaroquefestival.
com.mt

Grandmasters Palace

Piazza Regina

For further
information, visit
visitmalta.com
and
valletta2018.org

Culture
with a
Capital C
Thanks to its rich
history and listed
landmarks, Valletta
is one of UNESCOs
World Heritage sites
and has recently been
elected as a European
Capital of Culture for
2018 the smallest
city ever to be chosen.
Plans for a jampacked programme
are well underway.
Expect plays, openair concerts and
exhibitions situated
around hotspots like
the Teatru Manoel
(Europes third-oldest
working theatre), and
Vallettas Royal Opera
house, which has
been reconstructed
by Renzo Piano (of
London Shard fame)
after it was destroyed
by a World War II
bomb. Were tempted
to block off time in our
diaries already (thats
right, in four years
time) to get a piece
of the action.

WELCOME TO
THE JUNGLE
Tarzans gone posh

Maison Polanka
sIEm REAp, cAmboDIA

Thank heavens for Maison Polanka. A world away from Siem Reaps big chain hotels, this is a sanctuary in a very real
sense. The French-Cambodian owner, Nathalie Saphon Ridel, has opened up her home and, happily, is also the kind of
super-stylish, plugged-in local that you want to sit down and quiz. Or just stare at for a while. It is discreet and low-key:
just two wooden Cambodian villas, in gardens filled with flittering, twittering birds and a gorgeous pool, plus rooms
scattered with local works of art from Nathalies own collection. Book a room or take over the whole estate (sleeping
10 adults and sundry children), but be warned: you may struggle to drag yourself to the temples youre here to see,
a mere 10 minutes away. Website maisonpolanka.com book it Cleveland Collection (clevelandcollection.co.uk/
tatlertravel; 020 7843 3596) offers five nights from 1,270, including EVA Air flights, transfers and breakfast.
A compLImEnTARy DInnER pER pERson, pER sTAy. foR
DETAILs AnD To book, VIsIT TATLER.com/TRAVELoffERs
oR RInG 020 7843 3596 AnD qUoTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

Vivanta by Taj Madikeri

A long and winding road climbs up up up, past spice plantations
and secret temples, and then whoosh! through a set of giant
doors you go, onto the terrace and into another world. Best to sit
down at this point, something cold in hand, and just look: at the
glassy infinity pool; at the misty, mystical hills; at the forest that
you almost expect Ganesh to come thundering through, trunk
a-trumpeting. Its that sort of place. And yet its terrifically modern
open-plan, smooth lines, giant panes of glass letting the outside
in. Outside is worth letting in: 180 acres of florid green, pristine
rainforest, coffee groves and drenched rice paddies. Carry on gazing
from your villa squirrelled away in the forest, the hazy hills of
Coorg rolling like a watercolour beyond. Then slip into the pool,
rest your chin on the edge, keep staring. Website vivantabytaj.com
book it Greaves India (greavesindia.co.uk; 020 7487 9111) offers
seven nights as part of an eight-night trip, from 2,050, full
board, including British Airways flights and transfers.
sEVEn nIGhTs foR ThE pRIcE of sIx. foR DETAILs AnD To book, VIsIT TATLER
.com/TRAVELoffERs oR RInG 020 7487 9111 AnD qUoTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

64
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

photograph:chris caldicott

cooRG, InDIA

Anantara
Xishuangbanna
xIshUAnGbAnnA, chInA

Youve probably never heard of Xishuangbanna

(nor can you pronounce it, right? Go on, try).
Time to dig out that atlas. This is the remote
south-west of China, a steamy, tropical corner
hugged by the Luosuo River, a tributary of the
Mekong, and now home to the areas first topnotch hotel. Anantara is all lush banana trees and
massive orchids and thick waving palms, dotted
with low-rise villas built in the local Dai style,
smartened up with polished teak and stone.
Each has its own pocket-sized walled garden with
pool and barbecue area, but this is not the time
to hide away: Xishuangbanna Dai Autonomous
Prefecture (now theres a name that trips off the
tongue) boasts the richest biodiversity in China.
Skip over to the spectacular botanical garden
opposite, take a tour of the regions famous Puer
tea plantations or trek into the muggy mountains
in search of one of Asias last herds of wild
elephant. Then its back to glorious local food
bamboo-steamed tilapia fish, wonderful vegetables
youve never heard of and, wait for it, fried bee
larvae. Yum. Website xishuangbanna.anantara.com
tel 00 86 691 893 6666 book it Double, from
267, including breakfast. British Airways
(ba.com) flies from Heathrow to Jinhong via
Chengdu three times a week, from 1,160.

Fregate Island Private

sEychELLEs

Alone. All alone. Just the two of you. Actually, three

of you; theres Sumith too the butler who has just
unpacked your cases. And is bringing bacon and eggs
to your villa. Because you can have barbecued catch of
the day, you can have rum punch, you can have
whatever the hell you want. And you want bacon and
eggs. But back to being alone because, thankfully,
Sumith will only come when you call him, and youll
never, ever see another guest. Just 2,000 giant tortoises
(the biggest population outside the Galpagos),
and fruit bats the size of badgers, and more than
100 species of tropical birds, and giant millipedes
(surprisingly crunchy underfoot), and Fregate beetles,
which are famous and have their own enclosure at
London Zoo. Fregate, now under the watchful eye of
hotel supremos the Oetker Collection, is properly wild
and intensely private. Just draw the gate across your
path and run stark naked. Theres nothing quite like
being where the wild things are. Website fregate.com
book it Africa Travel (africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel;
020 7843 3580) offers six nights from 9,095, full
board, including flights and transfers.
book AT LEAsT 90 DAys In ADVAncE AnD REcEIVE A
hELIcopTER TRAnsfER WoRTh oVER 700. foR DETAILs
AnD To book, VIsIT TATLER.com/TRAVELoffERs oR
RInG 020 7843 3580 AnD qUoTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

65
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

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feel our waters

Experience our 33 beautiful beaches, inviting turquoise seas

and our warm Anguillan welcome.

feeling is believing
www.ivisitanguilla.com | info@anguilla-tourism.com |
020 7736 6030

Botanique
mantiqueira mountains, brazil

Brazil is seeing the light, and about time, too.

Where once its high-end hotels were all French
wines and Italian toiletries, the country is finally
clocking on to how bottom-shakingly fantastic it
is. Nowhere more so than at Botanique, a wedge
of glittering, homegrown gorgeousness hidden
away in the subtropical Mantiqueira Mountains.
At this super-styled bolthole, rough-hewn natural
materials (stone walls, local slate, beams salvaged
from nearby farmhouses) frame ravishing 360
views. Ceilings soar, fireplaces roar and the
furniture is so sinuous and sexy youd swear it could
dance the samba. Ask your personal experience
curator for a crash course in new Brazilian culture
the place is a showcase for local talent, from the
books in the reading room to the dazzling culinary
deconstructions dreamed up by chef Gabriel
Broide. Mix indigenous healing rituals with hi-tech
flotation experiences in the spa, or get out among
the armadillos in them thar hills mountainbiking, capoeira-kicking and riding. Where the
smartest Brazilians go to see what all the fuss
is about. Website botanique.com.br book it Scott
Dunn (scottdunn.com; 020 8682 5030) offers two
nights as part of a seven-night trip, from 3,795,
including flights, transfers and breakfast.

there is no smarter way

to smoosh insects on
your jungle hike.
Calfskin hiking boots, 920,
by Herms (020 7499 8856)

TAKE
TWO

Get tHe bUG

Handpicked villas in the

most sought after locations.
To book your luxury villa
holiday call our travel experts
now on 020 7401 1099
or you could practice your
backhand with this zapper.
be prepared to be judged.
the executioner electric
bug zapper, 10,
(amazon.co.uk)

El Otro Lado

Portobelo bay, Panama

El Otro Lado means the other side in

Spanish, and thats just what this is the
flipside of those tired flop-and-drop
Caribbean hotels. This is the quieter, quirkier
sexier side of the Caribbean, with just a
handful of rooms overlooking the colonial
gem of Portobelo. The resort is hanky sized
and super-luxe think sherbet colours and
laidback sunshine chic. Weve loved it since it
first popped up in Panama three years ago,
and its newest addition, the private La Casa
Grande, has only deepened our devotion. Up
on the tangled hill, it has hammocks swinging
on the veranda and bright Afro-Caribbean
artworks on the walls. Down on the shore,
Wendy house-style bungalows sit around the
infinity pool, concealed from one another by
banana trees. Days are spent snorkelling,
pootling around the picture-perfect islands
of San Blas and drinking passionfruit mojitos
to fire up your feet for a Congo dance session.
Dont miss the new torch-lined dining spot
up by the reservoir munch on buttered
clams, keeping an eye out for crocodiles and
howler monkeys. Website elotrolado.com.pa
book it Rainbow Tours (rainbowtours.co.uk;
020 7666 1260) offers seven nights as part
of an eight-night trip, from 3,095,
including flights, transfers and breakfast.

www.cvtravel.co.uk

Tales of Thailand

Countless cultural landmarks, the nicest people you've ever met and beaches
that look as though they've never been walked on. Welcome to Thailand
his is a country of two halves, perfect for families, couples
and friends alike. Join the bustle of Bangkok think floating
markets and amazing street food coupled with temples,
monasteries and palaces. Or venture south for soul-healing sun,
bath-warm sea and some of the most earth-shatteringly beautiful
beaches in the world. Best of all, if you want to visit both, we know
just the people for it our friends at Cleveland Collection can conjure
up holidays like you wouldn't believe. Just pick the places you want to
see, and sit tight as they whisk you around this glorious kingdom.

Rayavadee, kRaBi
Get ready to be temporarily transported to your own palm-fringed
paradise complete with white beaches and a staggeringly turquoise
sea that looks as though its been Photoshopped. Accessible only
by speedboat, the hotel has super-smiley staff, private villas nestled
amongst 26 acres of coconut groves and food that is not only mouthwateringly tasty but also a visual feast. Pick of the restaurants has
to be The Grotto, located in a stunning cave oozing natural beauty
with sand underfoot its mouth opens out onto Phranang Beach
overlooking the sea. If you want to explore outside the resort (that's if
you can drag yourself away), whizz over to marvel at the beautiful Phi
Phi island, which is only 35 minutes by speedboat.
TATLER OFFER Cleveland Collection can arrange an eightnight stay from 4,672 per family of four, including BA flights. To book,
call 020 7843 3596 or visit clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel.

Rayavadee, Krabi

TATLER pRomoTion

The Siam, Bangkok

After Krissada Sukosol Clapp had fronted Thai indie band Pru for 10
successful years (he once broke his leg energetically leaping off a
speaker on stage), he decided to switch tack and channel his energy
into building a hotel. Setting himself the challenge of creating something
totally unique, Clapp opened his 'urban resort', The Siam, on the banks
of the Chao Phraya River. Here, majestic modern meets old-world
eccentrics; clean white corridors are decked out with quirky antiques and
art that Clapp has acquired from across the globe. Recline on rooftop
terraces or in the art deco cinema, head to the gym (complete with
full-size Muay Thai boxing ring) and flop into Asia's only Sodashi spa
with bath house, steam and sauna. The staff who guests describe as
incredibly kind and always one step ahead will happily take you up and
down the river in the hotel's private boat. Visit nearby museums, temples
and palaces or just hop aboard if you fancy a jaunt.
TATLER OFFER Cleveland Collection can arrange a three-night

stay from 1,439 per person sharing, including BA flights. To book,

call 020 7843 3596 or visit clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel.

The Siam, Bangkok

aava ReSoRT & Spa, khanom

For fairytale holidays in the making, head to this Scandinavian-owned 28room boutique hotel located on the shores of Khanom the new
go-to zone for an uncommercialised, unspoilt stint in Southern Thailand.
Coconut palms sway in the mellow breeze, the rippling tide strokes
the silky-soft sand and ultra-rare pink dolphins leap nonchalantly in the
distance take a boat trip to see them up close. Take part in tai chi,
pilates, Vinyasa yoga and Muay Thai boxing lessons (children can join the
action too) then head across to the spa, which serves up muscle-melting
massages. The Aalto restaurant offers delectable Euro-Asian fusion
cuisine and every Friday there's a big barbecue on the beach. If you're still
feeling peckish there's an on-site pizzeria and bakery too. All this aside,
the thing your children are likely to miss the most when it's time to leave
are Aava's babysitters, Khun Ying and Pong. They successfully steal the
hearts of children all year round (and are free of charge all day long).

Aava Resort & Spa, Khanom

TATLER OFFER Cleveland Collection can arrange a seven-night

stay from 1,280 per person sharing, including BA flights. To book,
call 020 7843 3596 or visit clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel.

pimalai, ko lanTa
What do travellers associate with Ko Lanta? Deserted beaches, legendary
sunsets and pinch-yourself-you're-not-dreaming diving. Visit wonder-hotel
Pimalai for a dose of all the above, nestled betwixt tropical forest (look
out for monkeys swinging from the treetops) and a show-stopping beach
which is over 900 metres long. Take to the eye-popping emerald waters
in one of the hotel's boats and explore the island's perimeter. Or slap on
a stinger suit and plunge into a world inhabited by rainbow-coloured fish,
turtles and sharks (friendly ones) courtesy of the ScubaFish dive centre,
which is so good travellers come from far and wide to visit. Make time
to slip into one of the tiny outdoor treatment rooms at the open-air spa,
which are fashioned from natural materials and named after local flowers.
On top of all this, the staff simply cannot do enough for you. Top tip: book
a pool villa in the hills for utter peace.
TATLER OFFER Cleveland Collection can arrange a seven-night

stay from 1,366 per person sharing, including BA flights. To book,

call 020 7843 3596 or visit clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel.

To book, call 020 7843 3596 or visit clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel

TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND DATE RESTRICTIONS APPLY TO ALL OFFERS

Pimalai, Ko Lanta

It Begins with the People...

tourismthailand.co.uk

GOOD KARMA
Reincarnated, reinvented, restored

Palace Hotel Tokyo

TOkyO, jApAn

Quiet, well behaved, extremely discreet: as neighbours

go, you wont find better than the Japanese emperor
and his wife. Theres a certain cachet to the address of
Palace Hotel Tokyo, right next door to the Imperial Palace,
with its rolling, pine-filled gardens. Three years, 750m
this was a hotel makeover with welly. Its vast (290 rooms)
but very zen, wafting with lemongrass and filled with
green, earthy tones. There are seven restaurants; try modern
French flamboyance at Michelin-starred Patrick Henrirouxs
Crown or explore a warren of Japanese eating areas in
Wadakura. Elsewhere, the Evian Spa will smooth out
those jagged jetlag edges. Take a room with a balcony over
Wadakura moat and do your best to spy on the neighbours.
Website palacehoteltokyo.com book it Double, from 335,
including breakfast. Qatar Airways (qatarairways.co.uk)
flies from London Heathrow to Narita daily, from 770.

Four Seasons Lion Palace

sT pETERsBURG, RUssIA

A hotel worthy of its own opera at the Mariinsky, Four

Seasons first foray into Russia is gloriously theatrical,
housed in a grand 19th-century gold-yellow palace a
mere pirouette from the Hermitage and within leaping
distance of St Isaacs Cathedral. Its unabashedly fancy:
two marble lions guard the entrance, there are soaring
white pillars and the lobby is as stuccoed and gilded as
the backdrop of The Nutcracker. Sweep through to the
fabulous Tea Lounge, a winter garden done up in velvet
with murals and potted palms, flooded with natural
light from the glass roof. There are two swishy restaurants
(one Asian, one Italian) and the bar is a sexy wood-clad
affair worthy of any Cold War romance. Splash out on
the presidential suite, with its double-height rooms and
terrace stretching the length of the building, big enough
to put on your own production of War and Peace.
Website fourseasons.com book it Red Savannah
(redsavannah.com; 01242 787800) offers four nights
from 1,280, including flights, transfers and breakfast.
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101 BEsT hOTELs

Good karma

QT Sydney
syDnEy, AUsTRALIA

Theyre silver, theyre

dramatic, they look like
a frickin shARk took
a bite out of them.
Leather and PVC shoes,
495, by Rupert sanderson
(selfridges.com)

TAKE
TWO

channel your
inner starlet
Baz Luhrmann
would cast you
on the spot.
Rouge Coco
shine in esprit,
24, by Chanel
(020 7493 3836)

HiGH DRAMA

If you like minimalist, look away now. QT

Sydney has taken over the city centres old
State Theatre and Gowings department store,
and the marriage of old-school retail glamour
and high-camp theatre is a hit. The merriment
begins in the cinema-foyer-style lobby, where
black-leather-suited, red-wigged porters sweep
you through the doors (theyre called Directors
of Chaos, but thats no excuse to punch them
in the face). Youll spot salvaged gems from
the old store (the odd headless dummy), and
the best rooms are in the former corporate
head offices, with original fireplaces, corniced
ceilings and old typewriters. Its vintage
a gogo, but whizzed up-to-the-minute with
crazy-paving rugs and animal-head sculptures.
Downstairs is the SpaQ (men: book in for
a cutthroat shave with the heavily tattooed
barber, we dare you), and Gowings Bar
& Grill, which is meat-heavy, macho
somewhere to fill your face before collapsing,
burnt out from frisky fun, beneath your
asymmetrical, hibiscus-red headboard.
Website qtsydney.com.au book it Turquoise
Holidays (turquoiseholidays.co.uk; 01494
678400) offers five nights from 640.

Copacabana Palace
RIO DE jAnEIRO, BRAZIL

Rio has always had a soft spot for this

grande dame, ever since she emerged, tall
and pale and young and lovely, from the
Atlantic breakers on Copacabana beach
90 years ago. True, things got a bit hairy as
she approached middle age (the area went
dodgy, and lets not even talk about her
flirtation with floral prints), but this is the
hotel that ushered in Rios last golden age
when Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers
flew across her ballroom in their first ever
screen pairing. And, just as Copacabana
is smartening up its act in preparation for
another celebrated era (the World Cup, in
case you live under a rock), so the Palace
has undergone a finely judged makeover.
Gone are the swags, chintz and gauze,
replaced by a paler, more elegant decor,
an airy lobby and larger rooms looking
out over the frolics of that famous beach.
Theres a huge swimming pool, a superb
Italian restaurant, a serene spa and a glitzy
piano bar too. Shes been around the
block, but this nifty old bird has got her
mojo back. Website copacabanapalace.
com book it Journey Latin America
(journeylatinamerica.co.uk; 020 8747
8315) offers three nights from 1,650,
including flights, transfers and breakfast.
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TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

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101 BeST HoTelS

Good karma

Rosewood London
lonDon, enGlanD

You want to impress someone who is stylish but bookish,

someone into her Chaucer as much as her clutch bag. Bring
her here. The gleaming new Rosewood has pedigree and
panache, housed in the old Pearl Assurance HQ on High
Holborn, a glorious Belle Epoque marvel. Sweep under
the stone arch, through the huge cobbled courtyard lit
by gas lanterns and into the glowing, rose-bronze lobby.
To the right: the bar, a sultry take on a gentlemans club
reclaimed wood and leather and antique books galore,
with an old-boys menu of casseroles and curries. To the
left: the shiny Mirror Room (the signature Holborn
Dining Room is opening this spring), with a scrumptious
menu from Bjorn van der Horst. Rooms doff their
caps/wigs to the barristers stalking around outside:
pin-stripe carpets, Grassington wool curtains, leather
armchairs, cabinets with gin decanters. And the suites!
The Manor House has its own actual postcode. If that
doesnt impress her... Website rosewoodhotels.com
tel 020 7781 8888 book it Double, from 350.

Das Stue

La Bandita Townhouse

Berlin, Germany

Pienza, iTaly

In a city defined by grit and edge, it is a relief to find this oasis of

calm, impeccable style. Das Stue is tucked away on the fringe of
Berlins Tiergarten, close enough to kiss the trees and fill the rooms
with the sound of birdsong. It has only consulates as its neighbours
the building is the former Danish Embassy (Das Stue means living
room in Danish), and terrifically grand it is too curved, grey stone,
opulent three-storey staircases and floor-to-ceiling windows. Its
mid-century hip, styled by Patricia Urquiola, and youll want to
touch everything: to stroke the brushed-copper panels in your room,
to slide your hands over the wire-back chairs, to press your bottom
into the slinky berry and mustard sofas. Its crammed with high-style
delights see the mesmerising light installation that greets new
arrivals. Theres also a lap pool and pocket-sized spa, plus divine
dishes from Michelin-starred Catalan chef Paco Prez. Urban cool
at its absolute best. Website das-stue.com book it Mr & Mrs Smith
(mrandmrssmith.com; 0845 034 0700) offers doubles from 150.

Not so much a hotel as a cultured house party you can dip in

and out of as you please, fuelled by agreeable company and fab
food and wine. This restored convent in a cobblestoned Tuscan
village is the second venture from John Voigtmann the former
Sony high-flyer opened his Tuscan country-house hotel, plain
old La Bandita, in 2007. Twelve large, bright rooms juxtapose
rustic exposed stone walls with modern, geometric four-posters.
Downstairs is the bistro-like restaurant, presided over by impish
Glaswegian David Mangan, a maestro at deconstructing tiramisu.
The one thing thats missing is the nuns who once lived here. But
youre welcome to dress the part. Website labanditatownhouse.com
book it Mr & Mrs Smith (mrandmrssmith.com; 0845 034 0700)
offers doubles from 190, including breakfast.

72
TaT le r T raV e l GU i D e 2 01 4

101 BeST HoTelS

Good karma

Hotel Majestic
KUala lUmPUr, malaySia

We do love a touch of colonial flair. Not in a pillaging, take-over-acountry sort of way; more in the sense of white gloves and polite,
midday G&Ts. Lovely. The Majestic gets it right, even after a prolonged
closure and the addition of a shiny new tower. It first opened in 1932
and its jolly heyday lives on: afternoon tea served in an orchid-filled
conservatory; pith-helmeted porters; jazz quartets at dinner; and a
pace of life akin to that of a lazy, tropical ceiling-fan. The historical,
all-suite Majestic Wing has the best rooms (butlers, buttery leather
ottomans, rain showers). Make time for the Smoke House, where
wading through the fug of cigars leads you to a private dining room,
cinema, and the Truefitt & Hill barbershop. Then pop over to that
brand-new, super-sleek Tower Wing for a dip in the fourth-floor pool.
Modern life has its advantages, after all. Website majestickl.com
book it Carrier (carrier.co.uk; 0161 492 1355) offers two nights as
part of a seven-night trip, from 1,810, including flights and transfers.

The Gritti Palace

Venice, iTaly

On the Grand Canal, a hop, skip and gelato away from St Marks,
this 15th-century palazzo is open again after a 15-month facelift. No
more waterlogged lobby: hi-tech flood basins now halt the seasonal
sogginess. The interiors have been restored and re-wowed, though its
still the Gritti; all chartreuse satin and raspberry velvet, tassels and
tapestries, with Murano-glass chandeliers dangling from moulded
ceilings. There are fewer rooms now, but they are more spacious,
and well forgive the bathrooms their diminutive size thanks to their
marble-clad loveliness. Garbo, Bogart and Bacall used to stay here,
and their autographed headshots twinkle at you en route to the
sleek new Acqua di Parma spa. Take a seat under the Pietro Longhi
paintings in the bar and order the fluffiest of souffls. But for heavens
sake, dont have a lie-in better to bask on the terrace, a cappuccino
to your right, the Salute church to your left. Quite the most belissimma
breakfast in Venice. Website thegrittipalace.com tel 00 800 325
45454 book it Double, from 410, including breakfast. The Gritti
Palace is part of the Luxury Collection (luxurycollection.com).

DAngleterre

coPenHaGen, DenmarK

We do love a romantic tale. This ones a corker: an 18th-century love

affair between a valet in the royal court and the daughter of the royal
chef (very Downton) who married and opened a restaurant together
in 1755 on this very site. It quickly turned into a hotel and has had
one or two reinventions since (Alfred Hitchcock and Grace Kelly
were fans during its Fifties glory). Now a stately restoration has
upped the ante once more. There are 21st-century toys aplenty:
Bang & Olufsen TVs; Nespresso machines; a state-of-the-art gym.
But the suites still have a whisper of royalty huge, plush, with lots
of velvet and deer heads on the walls. Theres champagne and caviar
in the Balthazar bar and the Marchal restaurant is named after the
loved-up founders. A regal hotel with heart. Website dangleterre.com
book it Kirker (kirkerholidays.com; 020 7593 1899) offers three
nights from 990, including flights, transfers and breakfast.

73
TaT le r T raV e l GU i D e 2 01 4

30of villa
years
holidays
Seeking sun, solace and freedom?
Let James Villa Holidays
help you find your perfect escape

TATLER pRomoTion

Villa Am
bassador
, Zakyn
thos

If your ideal break involves having the space and

seclusion to kick back and do what you want, when you
want, a villa holiday is for you. Total liberty from hotel
meal schedules and the prime spot on the sun terrace
guaranteed makes for an incredibly relaxing stay.
Of course, you wouldnt just plump for any holiday
home; as a Tatler reader, youre discerning and deserving
of the very best. Which is where James Villa Holidays
comes in. The UKs leading villa holiday specialist is
celebrating its 30th birthday this year. This established
expertise coupled with the largest collection of villas of
any British tour operator makes James Villa Holidays
uniquely equipped to meet your high standards, whether
you hanker for a private innity pool, long to be in an
isolated spot overlooking the sea or prefer to stay in a
resort with a wealth of leisure facilities on hand.
After all, the company boasts over 2,700 handpicked
properties across more than 50 destinations from
Tuscany to Tenerife. There are carefully selected villas
that can sleep groups of all sizes, with plenty of space to
socialise and enjoy individual privacy, plus private pools
and alfresco living areas. Villa holidays have never been
so appealing.

Everyone wants
something
different, so
James Villa
Holidays offers
distinct styles of
properties:
BEst of JamEs
Over 600 villas with
remarkable features, such
as landscaped gardens and
breathtaking views, that
impart the wow! factor.
Luxury ViLLas
More than 100 exquisite
villas that provide the
ultimate in comfort,
indulgence and the very
nest services.

How to book

HoLiday rEsorts
Private accommodation in
village-style settings with
fabulous facilities
think golf courses,
spas and tennis courts.

k
t to pac

Wha

Crete
Aegean Villas,

For more
information, call
0800 074 0311 or visit
jamesvillas.co.uk

BIKInI, 213,
By Emilio Pucci

James Villa
holidays
takes the hard work
out of planning and
booking your holiday.
As well as nding
your perfect villa, the
company can book
your ights, car hire,
travel insurance and
even take care of your
airport parking. Plus,
once youve arrived,
many destinations
offer an optional,
unobtrusive local rep
service. James has
thought of everything!

LeOnArd HOrn
SUngLASSeS In BLUe,
152, By illESTEVA
AVAilAblE AT
STylEboP.com

ATOL

ATOL No. 2730

ABTA

ABTA No.W3940

lets get high

Hitting the peaks

La Corde des Alpes

VERBIER, SWITzERLAnD

Its baffling that Verbier doesnt have a glut of

swanky hotels to befit its swanky clientele
(not that theyre suffering, lording it up in
their super-chalets). But the times they are
a-changin, thanks to this clever conversion of
a traditional chalet-style property. There are
34 soothing, pared-back rooms rugged
granite fireplaces, hand-knotted carpets and
fur throws, with some jauntily old-fashioned
ski decor thrown in (vintage photos, Thirties
posters, groovy chairs made of antlers). The
hot, hot dining spot has a bustling open
kitchen and innovative menu choose
something grilled over charcoal in the Josper
oven. Then theres the 15-metre pool, the
swish spa (with Karin Herzog and Cinq
Mondes treatments) and a cutting-edge
gym. Shuttles whisk guests up to the main
ski lift and an in-house ski technician doles
out advice on gear and snow conditions.
Verbier finally has a weekend bolthole
worth its salt. In your FACE, super-chalets.
Website hotelcordee.com book it Kaluma Travel
(kalumatravel.co.uk; 01730 260263) offers
seven nights from 2,330, including British
Airways flights, transfers and breakfast.

TAKE
TWO

Get your mitts

on these,
deer utterly
covetable.
Deerskin
mittens, 195, by
Cornelia James
(corneliajames.
com)

HelPiNG
HANDs

Track your speed,

record your
height, check the
temperature
these can do
everything except
strap on your skis.
Airwave 1.5
goggles, 520,
by oakley (uk.
oakley.com)

The Alpina Gstaad

GSTAAD, SWITzERLAnD

L
VE
D
nE CHE AL
pE
R
n
y O COU DITIO E,
L
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m
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With its turreted roofs and carved timber

balconies, the Alpina does a good line in Oooh,
Im so Swiss! Im so traditional! I might as well have
a giant cuckoo popping out of my middle! Lies,
all lies. Yes, its classical Swiss from the outside, but
inside wowee. Gstaads first new five-star hotel in
100 years is a sensational mash-up of old and new.
Leather handrails float on frameless glass railings;
copper spheres of light dangle from hand-painted
ceilings; a glass wall opens out onto the terrace,
gardens and heated pool. Scoff cutting-edge
Japanese food at Megu, with its shingle-clad sushi
bar, underlit tables and antique kimonos. The Six
Senses spa warrants a commitment dont you dare
just pop in for a post-ski massage. The suites are
spot-on: warm and snuggly, but cool, with antique
timber cladding, sexy lighting and lovely details like
cowbell bedside lights and red-leather consort
desks. As Swiss as Toblerone; as natty as Heidi in
top-to-toe leather. Website thealpinagstaad.ch
tel 00 41 33 888 9888 book it Double, from 590,
including breakfast and 70 daily restaurant credit.
Swiss (swiss.com) flies from London to Geneva up
to nine times a day, from 120.
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101 BEST HOTELS

Lets get high

Hotel Jerome
ASpEn, USA

This refurbished joint from the 1880s

oozes Old West charm, from the cowboybelt-lined lifts and the bellboys in Stetsons
to the bar that avoided closure during
Prohibition by becoming a soda fountain
(serving milkshakes laced with whiskey).
But then the J-Bar saloon has always been
a place for high jinks; it was the space that
Hunter S Thompson called his office
and the spot where Jimmy Stewart and
John Wayne would knock em back. Today,
Aspenite regulars settle by the fire with
a bourbon of an evening, or gnaw on
spit-roasted short ribs in the understated
Prospect restaurant; in the morning,
bleary-eyed partiers order huevos rancheros,
before another tough days skiing in
Americas most expensive resort. Its cosy,
central and could break the bank in
winter, when suites go for 1,065 a night.
Website hoteljerome.aubergeresorts.com
book it The Oxford Ski Company (oxfordski.
com; 01993 899422) offers seven nights
from 4,615, including flights and transfers.

Gangtey Goenpa Lodge

WAnGDUE, BHUTAn

Only the most intrepid backpackers used

to make it to this hidden valley, a threehour drive by (windy, potholed) road from
Punakha, passing wild marijuana and
cascading forests. Then they grew up,
stopped trying to smoke their roadside
pickings and wanted a proper place to
bed down. And along came brand-new
Gangtey Goenpa Lodge. Its a mystical
sort of place actual clouds sometimes
float through the lobby but theres also
underfloor heating and wi-fi and 12
stonking suites, all with wood-burning
stoves, freestanding baths and views over
a valley that stretches further than your
binoculars. Amble to the nearby
17th-century monastery or a first for
Bhutan take off in a hot-air balloon.
Then snuggle up with a mulled Bumthang
cider and play Bhutanese board games into
the wee hours. A grown-up refuge for adult
adventurers. Website easternsafaris.com
book it Cox & Kings (coxandkings.co.uk;
0845 154 8941) offers two nights, full
board, from 3,995, as part of a 12-night
trip, including flights and transfers.

77
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

classic vintages
They only get better with age

The Hay-Adams

Clever pockets to organise

all your terribly important
documents. How very Hilary C.
the washington bag, 475,
by Milli Millu (millimillu.co.uk)

WaSHingTon DC, USa

In Americas first city, where the sense of

power is palpable, this is the biggest player
of the lot. In the hotels Lafayette restaurant,
as gracious as gracious gets, senators meet
their wives for downtime and you may
see two or three heads of state dining
simultaneously. The rooms are elegance itself
toile wallpaper, pillow-top beds, Tiffany
china (for the Q-tips) in the bathrooms.
And as for the views... at the Hay, as they say,
Nothing is overlooked except the White
House, and its true. There it is, sitting right
outside, so close you can practically see the
President changing his mind. Raise the sash
window to catch the chant of the protesters
who march back and forth most days,
repeating their particular gripe. Then, with a
sigh, you close it again, glad to return to
your own reality. There is nowhere like the
Hay-Adams. website hayadams.com tel 001
202 638 6600 book it Double, from 300.

TAKE TWO
PRiMe CANDiDAtes

This phone case has a secret

stowaway section. Which
basically makes you a Cia spy.
iPhone wallet, 25, by iliD
(ilidiphonewallet.com)

The Ritz
LonDon, EngLanD

Dressed up like a million-dollar trouper/Trying hard to look like Gary

Cooper (super duper)/Come lets mix where Rockefellers walk with
sticks/Or umbrellas in their mitts/Puttin on the Ritz! We dont like
throwing around words like icon. But were suckers for Fred Astaire,
and as he sang about a whole way of life inspired by the Ritz, were
sold. Its an icon. Theres the mirrored restaurant that you just know
looks like the Queens boudoir. Theres the tinkling-silver and chinkingchina afternoon tea. And there are the staff, who know your name,
and the name of your dog, and just how you take your G&T. Everyone
loves it: presidents, rubber-necking tourists, movie stars even the odd
Rockefeller. They all declare its simply topping to be there. website
theritzlondon.com tel 020 7493 8181 book it Double, from 315.

Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong

Hong Kong, CHina

Out-of-towners soar up 25 floors to the M Bar, to down cocktails

of 24-carat gold, elderflower, violet and champagne aptly called
the Billionaire and to gaze at the night lights dancing across the
harbour. Locals, though, stick to the ground floor for a sharpener
in the Captains Bar, served in the traditional silver tankard. The
MO has been standing tall for half a century, but it might as
well have been around forever. They come for the Michelin-starred
Mandarin Grill with its oyster bar, or the (also Michelin-starred)
Pierre, a Gagnaire outpost. They come for wok-fried lobster at
homegrown Man Wah, and for the Gaylia Kristensen Golden
Utopia facial at the spa (yet more 24-carat gold). And they come
for the rooms, where everything is as it should be: contemporary
colours, glass-walled bathrooms and huge daybeds by the windows
to sink back onto and stare at the dazzling Hong Kong skyline.
website mandarinoriental.com book it British Airways (ba.com;
0844 493 0758) offers four nights from 1,200, including flights.
79
TaT LE R T RaV E L gU i D E 2 01 4

running wild
unplug, unwind, break free

Chinzombo
SoutH LuANgwA NAtIoNAL pArK, ZAmbIA

You know North Island? Where Kate and Wills

honeymooned? Yes, the one in the Seychelles.
Well, the clever architects behind one of the
most sensational island retreats on the planet
have turned their hands to safari lodges. Yes,
we know! Very exciting and, blimey, have they
done a good job. Chinzombo is white and light
as a cloud all billowing canvas and jaw-tothe-floor views over the Luangwa River. Guests
sleep in tents, although to call them tents is
like calling a Rolls-Royce Phantom a nice
runaround. Acres of white wooden decking,
beds big enough to get lost in, huge open-sided
bathrooms, all beneath the dappled shade of
ancient riverbank trees. Sunken seating areas
with squashy cushions and a swimming pool for
each tent make going on game drives almost a
chore. Almost South Luangwa is prime gamespotting territory. Then again, you are right by
the river, which means much of the game will
come to you. Oh joy! Sit back, order a G&T and
have a lazy perusal of the latest arrivals, right on
your doorstep. Website normancarrsafaris.com
book it Bailey Robinson (baileyrobinson.com;
01488 689 700) offers three nights from 3,295
full board, including flights and game activities.

very meryl Streep,

very robert
redford. I had a
farm in Africa... and
a very nice bag.
leather bag,
760, by
Ralph lauren
(ralphlauren.com)

TAKE
TWO
Go NAtiVe

theyre Leica,
which is great,
obvs, but they now
come in Liquorice
Allsorts colours
even greater.
leather-trim
binoculars, 700,
by leica (leicastoremayfair.
co.uk)

Chamba Camp

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LADAKH, INDIA

Chamba Camp is so simple its brilliant. Take a beautiful

but difficult-to-access place with a narrow season and
build a pop-up dollop of luxury fit for a maharaja.
Ladakh, in the Indian Himalayas, an hours flight from
Delhi, is certainly that place. Formerly part of Tibet, it is
a high-altitude desert of crag-top Buddhist temples, green
swathes of poplars and willows and skies so blue they hurt
your eyes. And right in the middle of this, through the
snow-free months of June to September, Chamba offers
pukka service and top-notch cooking on a landscaped
campus of 25 bungalow-big tents in the shadow of
fairytale Thiksey Monastery. You wont believe youre in
a tent once you are in one what with the freestanding
baths, four-posters and leather trunks. This is tantric
glamping on the roof of the world. Website thechamba
thikseycamp.com book it The Ultimate Travel Company
(theultimatetravelcompany.co.uk; 020 3051 8098) offers
five nights as part of a week-long trip, from 3,485, full
board, including flights, transfers and activities.
80
tAt Le r t rAv e L gu I D e 2 01 4

101 beSt HoteLS

Running wild

Escondido

puerto eScoNDIDo, mexIco

Ay caramba! Does this hotel group know

its stuff. The latest from Grupo Habita,
those Mexican wizards, is a surfer
hangout. No, wait, thats not right
its THE surfer hangout, the coolest on
the planet. A one-hour flight from
Mexico City and 12 miles from Oaxaca,
this is a place to make a pilgrimage to.
Turn up, hang up your straw hat and
relaaaaax. Its rustic, simple, laidback;
the grass-roofed bungalows, built from
local materials, all have plunge pools
and hammocks to spend the day the
week in. If you surf (and you should),
here is where you can don a skimpy
bikini and ride out on glossy waves.
Or just don the bikini and lounge
about prettily on the beach. Evenings
involve pizzas and ice-cold beers at the
restaurant, your toes wiggling down
into the warm sand, the sound of the
surf in your ears. See? Pure wizardry.
Website grupohabita.mx tel 00 52 555
282 2199 book it Double, from 155.

Mahali Mzuri

motorogI coNServANcy, KeNyA

Branson loves playing dress-up. Air

stewardesses, astronauts and now (God help
us) Masai warriors. Yes, Branson has set up
camp in Kenya, and to celebrate the Masai
have made him an honorary elder. To be
fair, his new camp, just north of the Masai
Mara, is worth celebrating. Just 12 tents,
dotted along a ridge overlooking a
spectacular natural amphitheatre, with
eye-popping views the Great Migration
passes through here every year, so you can
sit on your deck with a glass of something
cold and watch the spectacle unfold at your
feet. But back to those tents supersized,
space-age, earth-coloured pods, with
canopied beds, wallow-worthy baths and
squishy sunloungers. But no minibar
they hate waste here. Just ask and theyll
give you your own full-sized bottle instead.
Then dip in the infinity pool, have an
Africology massage in the spa, lean on the
bar and wait to see a lion kill (seriously).
Or get up close with a walking safari
and a bumpity-bump through the bush
on a game drive you wont see another
soul. Website mahalimzuri.virgin.com
book it Virgin Holidays + Hip Hotels
(vhiphotels.co.uk; 0844 573 2460) offers
three nights from 2,400, full board,
including flights, transfers and game drives.
81
tAt Le r t rAv e L gu I D e 2 01 4

101 BeSt hoteLS

Running wild

Singita Mara
River Tented Camp
Singita Lamai, tanzania

In the past, going to see gazillions of gnus crossing the

Mara River was all very well if you were an adventurer,
a bug-lover, an eschewer of such daily pleasures as
massages, cocktails and baths. But for those of us
partial to our creature comforts, it was a no-go. Then
along came Wall Street trader Paul Tudor Jones, who
realised that more of us would go gnuing if only we
had what we really wanted: insect-free tents, poolside
loungers for midday bush-naps, wi-fi that allowed
us to Instagram our lion sightings and cool white
interiors that didnt feel quite so, well, safari-like.
Erected in an untouristy sector of the Lamai Triangle,
this is Africa lite, a Conran version of a camp: pale,
bright, almost Scandinavian in style. You can watch
wildlife from a starlit bath, lunch on herby salads and
scoff scones for tea, and listen to lions roar during a
mani-pedi. Safaris have never been so darned comfy.
Website singita.com book it Africa Travel (africatravel.
co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843 3580) offers three nights
from 3,595, full board, including flights, transfers
and safari activities.

Cicada Lodge
northern territory, aUStraLia

This lodge is as Australian as Crocodile Dundee hugging a koala,

tucked into a kangaroos pouch and off his face on Fosters. Located
right by the Katherine River in the Nitmiluk National Park, its
surrounded by red dust and vast skies and surreal, swooping rock
formations. But heres what makes it really stand out: it is owned
by the Aboriginal Jawoyn people, and they will spirit you away into
their 45,000-year-old dreamtime world. Explore the wilderness on
foot, hop into a canoe or opt for the chopper tour. The ancient
rock art here is sensational and after taking it all in you can kick
the dust off your boots, duck under your monsoon shower and
dine by the pool, cooled by a sultry, eucalyptus-scented breeze.
If youre feeling brave, try the crocodile tail, washed down with
a fat shiraz. An earthy, out-of-this-world adventure to open your
mind. Website cicadalodge.com.au book it Abercrombie & Kent
(abercrombiekent.co.uk; 0845 485 1142) offers two nights as part
of a seven-day trip, from 1,400, including transfers and breakfast.

Segera Retreat
Laikipia, kenya

Of course there is game here curious giraffes so close you can

count their long, curling lashes; elephants swirling their trunks and
chomping on grass but really, the wildlife is almost a sideshow
to Wilderness Collections newest retreat. The 50,000-acre private
reserve is home to Jochen Zietz, an out-of-the-box thinker doing
all sorts of brilliant things with the local community (like creating
the Wonderbag, a kind of energy-saving slow cooker). You can
poke about the vegetable garden, help with beekeeping or cheetah
conservation, flop by the pool on giant, marshmallow-like cushions
or luxuriate in the super-styled spas stone tubs. Have a picnic down
by the river and sundowners on the Star Deck (ask barman Bernard to
whip up some of his vodka-based medicine). Then later its back
to your thatched villa, with its sunken outdoor hot tub on the deck,
cool wooden floor and huge, sink-in-and-sigh bed, where youll fall
asleep listening to the chirruping crickets and calling creatures out
there in the wild. Website segera.com book it Scott Dunn
(scottdunn.com; 0208 682 5070) offers seven nights from
6,305, full board, including flights and transfers.
82

tat Le r t raV e L gU i D e 2 01 4

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Peermont Doreale Grande

TATLER pRomoTion

Brief
encounter
After a 12-hour flight, the last thing you want to do is more travelling.
So dont. Bed down in one of four city slickers at Peermonts
Emperors Palace resort in Johannesburg perfect for a flying visit
Glittering and wildly opulent, Peermonts
Emperors Palace is home to four separate
fabulous hotels which make a decadent not to
mention ridiculously convenient pit stop after
touching down in South Africa. And standards
here are high (it was voted Best Airport Hotel in
Africa at the International Hotel Awards 2013).
Just five minutes from OR Tambo International
Airport in Johannesburg, the round-the-clock
shuttle service will scoop you up and efficiently
deposit you on the resorts gobsmackingly grand
doorstep, where staff will fall over themselves
to gather up luggage (they wouldnt dream of
asking for a tip, so dont forget to offer).
Dubbed the palace of dreams and
available to all four hotels the resorts main
area, Emperors Palace, is actually nothing
like Africa but a lot like Vegas. This is a hot
stopover (read playground) prior to safaris and
beaches and its fair to say you could have
a lot of fun here in 24 hours. Think elaborate
fountains, striking statues, cocktail bars and
even a souped-up casino with a ceiling that
adjusts to reflect the actual time of day outside.
Check into five-star wonder Peermont Doreale
Grande hotel, where the huge rooms are
a welcoming sight (expect fluffy white bath

Peermont D
'oreale Gran
de

Peermont Mondior
robes and rose petals scattered on the beds).
Its Octavias Sensorium Spa is not to be
missed sink into Roman baths and unwind
as masseurs magical fingers loosen planescrunched limbs. Cool and contemporary sister
hotels Mondior and Metcourt next door are
equally enticing options plunge into the vast
turquoise pools, flake out on the sun decks and
sip cocktails watching the African-red sunset.
Tip: whichever hotel you stay in, request a
room overlooking the manicured gardens
youll feel a million miles away from the airport.

To book, call 020 7843 3580 or visit africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel

TERMS AND CONDITIONS AND DATE RESTRICTIONS APPLY TO ALL OFFERS

Peermont Metcourt

TATLER
OFFER Africa
Travel can arrange
an overnight
stay at Peermont
Doreale Grande
from 95 per
person, Peermont
Mondior from 70
per person and
Peermont Metcourt
from 60 per
person. To book,
call 020 7843 3580
or visit africatravel.
co.uk/tatlertravel.

STELLaR SUITES
Because size does matter

T he Beverly Hills Hotel

LOs ANGELEs, UsA

The Beverly Hills Hotel recently turned 100 and, like all matriarchs
whove seen a thing or two, she was looking a little tired around
the jowls. So who better to take inspiration from than the LA
locals and invest in a little facelift? The original Martinique
palm-leaf wallpaper remains, as does the magnificently naughty
Forties feel, but the signature powder pink has been replaced with
zingy citrus and the new suites feel crisp, cool and bang up to date.
Its modern but still classic, with acres of dark wood and about
a million silk cushions a breath of fresh air after the old blush
and chintz. The Polo Lounge is still crammed with Hollywood
A-listers, and between that and the cabana-lined pool and
fabulous all-American diner, we dont know why youd ever want
to leave. Nowhere has welcomed more glamorous guests over the
years than the Pink Palace Jack Nicholson for one adores it,
and who can blame him? This hotel really is as good as it gets.
website dorchestercollection.com book it Cleveland Collection
(clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel; 020 7843 3596) offers
three nights from 1,235, including Air New Zealand flights.
A 25 pER cENT DIscOUNT WhEN YOU BOOk A 60-mINUTE mAssAGE OR
fAcIAL IN ThE LA pRAIRIE spA. fOR DETAILs AND TO BOOk, VIsIT TATLER.cOm/
TRAVELOffERs OR RING 020 7843 3596 AND qUOTE TATLER TRAVEL GUIDE.

so you can stare at all the hollywood stars

without looking like a rubbernecking freak.
sunglasses, 175, by Miu Miu, at
sunglass Hut (0844 264 0870)

TAKE
TWO
stAR
siGNs

Want to really fit in?

Get to a Lakers
game. Youll be
rubbing shoulders
with Jack, Tom et al.
No twerking, please.
lA lakers foam
finger, 3, at Amazon
(amazon.com)

Sofitel Legend Metropole

hANOI, VIETNAm

The Metropole is to Hanoi what the Ritz is to Paris, what Claridges is

to London: a much-loved institution, with polished floors, drapes and
swags and OT T flower displays. Shiny-clean Americans and slick
business types love it, and so do we. As US bombs fell in the Sixties,
guests hid in the wine cellar while Joan Baez sang to raise spirits.
Between attacks, foreign journalists and Jane Fonda hunkered
down in the panelled bedrooms and ate in the famous terrace bistro.
Take a moving tour of the reopened wine-cellar bunker, then recover
with tea, French-style, by the pool: sandwiches sans crusts, steeped
Darjeeling and caramel truffles so good theyre rude. website sofitel.com
book it Cleveland Collection (clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel;
020 7843 3596) offers three nights from 1,795, as part of a
nine-night trip, including flights, transfers and breakfast.

The Dorchester
LONDON, ENGLAND

There comes a time in life when what you really want is a suite the size
of a tennis court. And if that suite happens to look out over Hyde Park,
then so much the better. The Dorchester has always been good at scale
just think of the Promenade, that endless stretch of cinnamon-coloured
marble and pink curtains and demure little tables filled with out-oftowners carefully sipping their tea. Three restaurants (China Tang is the
most fun), three bars and a sparkling spa to get buffed and pummelled
and thoroughly lost in. And now the new suites a huge sitting room,
all clackety parquet floors and puffed-up dove-grey velvet sofas that you
hardly dare sink into, and a very feminine bedroom: silvery wallpaper,
a Princess-and-the-Pea-high four-poster, mirrored chests and a chaiselongue to swoon onto. The bathroom marble, marble everywhere
looks right onto Park Lane so you can have a wee while watching the
Bentleys whizz by. website dorchestercollection.com tel 020 7319
7139 book it Double, from 425, including breakfast.
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TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

101 BEsT hOTELs

Stellar suites

The Peninsula Hong Kong

hONG kONG, chINA

Does the Peninsula have the happiest hotel staff in the world?
They certainly look it, trotting around all that shiny marble and
neoclassical cornicing in cheerful teams, proffering cool drinks or
leaping to wipe the condensation from your specs. Many of them
have worked here for more than 10 years, and who can blame
them? This is the Hong Kong classic, as famous for its tinkling lobby
teas and fleet of moss-green Rolls-Royces as its constant reinvention
most recently a 36m revamp of its tower rooms, now all cream
and white gorgeousness, with down-on-one-knee views over Victoria
Harbour and a swish of modern technology. Bedside tablets do
everything from close the curtains to turn on the TV, and there
are power sockets to suit every type of plug (other hotels take note:
we love this). Theres a swanky spa and lots of lounges, bars and
restaurants two of which are named after former general managers.
Thats devotion for you. website peninsula.com tel 00 800 2828
3888 book it Double, from 385, including breakfast.

Claridges

Le Bristol

LONDON, ENGLAND

pARIs, fRANcE

Sail into the glorious art-deco foyer, channel your inner Ginger
Rogers but please, no tap-dancing on the black and white marble
floor. Claridges is a dream. Here the chandeliers dazzle a bit more
brightly, the staff smile angelically and one sits rather than stands
in the lift. It is legendary, of course kings, despots and crazy
squillionaire Americans all consider it their home from home.
And why not? Want the wall colour to match your suede Jimmy
Choos? Theyll repaint on command. Fancy a wallow in a hot tub?
Theyll install one, pronto. Need a new tiara? Take your pick. Its
dishy GM Thomas Kochs to the rescue your every wish is his
command. And now theres a bevy of smart new suites: 20 designed
by David Linley, all with private butlers and Burberry macs to
wear just in case it rains. Theres one by Diane von Furstenberg,
with its own grand piano, and the Royal Suite has a dining room
that seats 10. Home suite home. If only... website claridges.co.uk
tel 020 7629 8860 book it Double, from 480.

There is a place, just one place, in Paris where the locals dont seem
to hate you. Where they beam when you try to say croissant in
a proper French accent. Where they are always charming, always
helpful. Where there is never a hint of a sneer, no matter how
absurd your request. That place is Le Bristol, where the staff are
so brilliant, so delightful (but never fawning) that they are reason
alone to keep coming back. There are lots of other reasons, of
course: the cosseting suites (one of which featured in Woody
Allens Midnight in Paris) with their bathrooms clad in three-inchthick pink Portuguese marble and heart-thumping views; the spa
in all its La Prairie fabulousness; the restaurant where you can
gorge on stuffed macaroni with black truffle, artichoke and duck
foie gras. Theres the impeccable attention to detail even the
insides of the cupboards smell subtly, deliciously clean. And
theres Fa-raon, the resident cat, and the only staff member who
might, on occasion, shoot you a scornful look. But hes a cat, so
well forgive him. website lebristolparis.com tel 00 33 1 53 43
43 00 book it Double, from 805 .

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COUNTRY CASUALS
Rip-roaring rustic retreats

The Wild Rabbit

Like chess, but easier, so youll

look all clever without the effort.
backgammon board,
2,700, by temperley for
Alexandra llewellyn
(temperleylondon.com)

cOTswOLDs, ENGLAND

Is Carole Bamford taking over the world?

Farm shops, cafs, spas, a cookery school
hell, shes even in Japan. And now theres
the Wild Rabbit, the freshest, cosiest bolthole
to hit the Cotswolds in, well, forever. Its
essentially a pub with rooms, but the most
tasteful pub youve ever seen: you want to
press your face into the woven pillows, roll
around on the shaggy rugs, rest your head
on the worn leather armchairs. Her buddy
Hugo Guinness has branded it all up with a
cute rabbit logo and his drawings are all over
the place. Each room (12 in total, four dogfriendly) is named after a woodland creature,
the silhouette of which is etched (Hugo
again) into the desks. Downstairs, its local
ales or bellinis made with Daylesford Organic
prosecco, and delicious pies and local game
carved at your table. Then all you need do is
roll, a bit pickled, into bed. This is our kind
of world domination. website thewildrabbit.
co.uk tel 01608 658389 book it Double,
from 105, including breakfast.

TAKE
TWO

GAMe PlAN

Have a good cry about all

those wild/dead rabbits.
Watership Down, 5.75, at
Amazon (amazon.co.uk)

Topping Rose House

BRIDGEHAMPTON, UsA

You need wait no longer for that Hamptons weekend invitation that
never comes. At Topping Rose House, you can pretend youre staying
with a NYC sleb, as its co-owned by superstar chef Tom Colicchio.
So the food is fab, obviously, with most ingredients sourced from
the farm that adjoins the hotel. Guestrooms, either in the main house
dating from the 1840s or in nearby cottages, are bright and
New-England lovely, and there is modern art everywhere, like Peter
Daytons stripy oils, or Christopher Boffolis mad food prints. Here,
local is king, from the vapour-distilled Hamptons water to the Long
Island potato chips. And the Hampton Jitney stops 50 yards down the
street. What could be easier, or more fun? website toppingrosehouse.com
tel 001 631 537 0870 book it Double, from 370, including breakfast.

Torralbenc

photograph: tim street-porter

MENORcA, sPAIN

Ever since Menorca kicked out the British in 1802, the island has kept
its appeal hush-hush unlike its klaxon-voiced Balearic brethren.
Theres no glitz just a subtle hint of sparkle, thanks to this new, lowkey rustic dream. Sitting in 10 acres of vineyards, Torralbenc was a
working farm the owners house, barns and stables are now converted
into 22 crisp bedrooms and a couple of cottages. Dry-stone walls, restful
neutrals, smooth chestnut wood and balconies with layered, lungbursting views across groves of olive trees to the glittering Mediterranean
beyond. Sail to the beach on one of the bicycles, or drop next to the
seawater pool. Michelin-starred chef Paco Morales is a wizard: you
wont find a better potato and truffle omelette anywhere. Then retire to
your balcony, marvel at the silence and thank the stars for Menorcas
miraculous modesty. website torralbenc.com tel 00 34 971 37 72 11
book it Double, from 150, including breakfast. British Airways
(ba.com) flies to Menorca from London City airport three times a week.
87

TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

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Tiddly Om Bom Bom!

Photographed by MATTHEW WRITTLE

photographs and illustrations: shutterstock

Like to be beside the seaside? Of course you do and youre in for an epiphany
on the barely touched, teeny-weeny tropical African island of Bom Bom.
Go soon but keep shtum, says Judith Woods

Opposite page, Bom

Bom, viewed from
Prncipe. Above left,
the beach on Bom
Bom. Above, a young
woman cheerily
balancing a machete
on her head. Centre,
Mark Shuttleworth.
Below left, Banana
Beach. Below, a
mother and son at
Santo Antnio, the
colonial capital of So
Tom and Prncipe

ts raining in paradise. Raining and raining;

jungle-fat droplets are bouncing off the glossy
green foliage, soil-saturated rivulets are cascading
down the slopes and pooling in red puddles. I am
on a deserted beach on a lush island right on the
equator. It is perfect: wide African skies, lapis lazuli
sea, dark pulsating rainforest, alive with hoots and
shrieks and bird whistles, stealthily encroaching on pale
virginal sand. It is Lost, it is a Jurassic Park mise en scne
of ancient landscape and hushed expectation. And as
the rainy season pours down its blessings, I do what any
right-thinking person would do I slip my dress over my
head and leap into the sea, whooping with delight.
Heres the astonishing thing virtually nobody has
heard of my island-nation retreat. Nobody. Not my
friend, who does South-East Asia for six weeks every
summer. Not my sister, who lives in the Caribbean.
Not the receptionist at the travel clinic where I receive
my yellow-fever jab. In travel one-upmanship terms,
I have hit pay dirt with the ultimate trump card of
dinner-party destinations; see how the club-class
cognoscenti struggle to guess where on earth I can
be talking about. Dont you know it? Why, So Tom
and Prncipe, a nation of two islands, is the second
smallest country in Africa after the Seychelles. The
former Portuguese colony was founded in 1485, granted
independence in 1975 and is right on GMT. Its
pleasingly remote oh so remote! Achingly unspoiled
oh so unspoiled! You really must go. Except, after
a week on Prncipe, the smaller of the two islands,
Im not sure I want other people to go.
One person who knows all about it is Mark
Shuttleworth. The dashing South African-born tech
billionaire has bought many of Prncipes beaches and
farms, along with Bom Bom, an even tinier island resort,
just a short stroll over a wooden footbridge from Prncipes
northern coast. Remember him? He took a commercial
space flight with the Russians in 2002, making him
the first Afronaut. Now his focus is on planet Earth,
unplugged. Shuttleworth, 40, has a great many plans
for the area: eco-resorts and chic glamping sites; a
small-scale coffee plantation the Arabica beans grown
here are of the finest quality; and artisan chocolate
production (the cacao is arguably the best in the world).
There was a horrified intake of breath when he
acquired Grande Beach, where turtles come to breed.
But, actually, hes keeping it safe for them.

Bom Bom

Principe

Distance between
islands 111 miles
MAP NOT TO SCALE

SAO TOME

Prncipe (part of
the island nation
of So Tom
and Prncipe) is
located in the
Gulf of Guinea,
off the western
coast of
central Africa

Turtles may swim up at will, but you and I must

reach the island by flying, late in the evening, to Lisbon
then await the six-hour night flight down to So Tom,
nestled in the Gulf of Guinea. You arrive at 5.30am
and spend the day and overnight in So Tom (which
isnt worth lingering over) before catching your final
half-hour flight the next morning to Prncipe.
Some random facts about Prncipe: there is no culture
of tipping and there are no ferocious mammals. If a car
splashes a pedestrian, the driver can be taken to court. It
covers 53 square miles and is home to just 5,000 people.
They speak Portuguese but dont use swear words.
There is no electricity between midnight and 6am. If
you stay in the rainforest too long, your feet take root.
To call it relaxing is to do Prncipe a grave disservice;
this is something much, much deeper. By the end of a
week, my DNA has been reprogrammed. I feel cleansed
at a cellular level; I lose half a stone without trying; I sit
and watch the slate-black reef herons for hours, my book
untouched. This is neither White Mischief nor Heart of
Darkness this is Prncipe, where life is pared down to its
essentials. The locals have a philosophy, Leve-leve which
translates as All in good time, take it easy. So if you are
the sort who wants heated towel rails and flunkies, stay in
Europe. If uneventfulness and an elliptical dinner menu
of white fish with a wine list shorter than a haiku would
drive you crazy, keep away. But if you crave tranquillity
and sea spray and sun-dappled forest, then you may come.
I am here to rest. Yet my eyes open, unbidden, every
morning, long before the electricity wakes up. I snorkel
in the reef two yards from my bungalow door, where
the starfish are lilac and the parrotfish swim so close
I can hear their beaks crunch against the coral. Across
the footbridge from the 19 bungalows is Bom Bom
island proper (bom means good), where the restaurant
and bar are located. I breakfast on fruit and magnificent
strong coffee and wait for the day to unfold: an adventure
through Prncipes rainforest, a boat trip, a dizzying
hilltop panorama where white tropicbirds soar on
thermals overhead, their long tail streamers adding
even more grace to their aerobatics.
Every perfect holiday comes with a romance, of course.
But it is not with Miguel, the brooding Portuguese
advertising executive who shares my charming guide
Diane and a driver for a week. Miguel is magnificently
moody; one moment flirtatious and smiling, the next
injured and prideful as a Portuguese ambassador slighted
at the Spanish court. He smoulders yet does not ignite, not
least because he spends an inordinate amount of time
taking photographs of soil and seeds. I ought to feel
piqued, but the truth is, I am a little bit in love with Mark
Shuttleworth, even though I havent met him; his benign
hand is everywhere. He is Gatsby. He is the Wizard of
Oz. Few have met him, although it is said that when he
visits, he plays football with the locals and treks alone for
hours in the rainforest, silently feeling the islands pulse.
At So Joaquin, an eerily deserted Portuguese farm
abandoned when the colonial power left 40 years ago,
I meet 16-year-old Tita, carrying bananas on her head
that she will cook for the family supper. She looks blank
at the name Shuttleworth. But ah yes, The Man of the
Moon she knows. He is a good man, a Bom Bom man.
92
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

photographs and illustrations: shutterstock

Above, Bom Bom.

Below left, the former
plantation of Roa
Sundy. Below centre,
fishermen on Abade
Beach, Prncipe.
Below right,
children play with
a home-made
push-cart
on Prncipe

Above left, Abade

Beach. Above right,
a fisherman carves a
new boat on Abade
Beach. Below, the
bridge at Bom Bom

photographs and illustrations: shutterstock

Back in the resort, I am sleeping in the Man of

the Moons bed bungalow number three, where an
impossibly pretty turquoise and orange kingfisher
alights on my veranda by morning and where crabs
scuttle and dig furiously by evening. Maybe its the
humidity, but I imagine Shuttleworth to be a dreamy,
philanthropic cross between Christian Grey and Steve
Jobs. Weirdly, he lives on the Isle of Man.
On Prncipe, the days stretch languorously, although
nothing much happens: a brood of Muscovy ducklings
waddles across the road, a breadfruit crashes to the
rainforest floor, a fisherman hauls his catch onto the
beach. I have changed money into the local currency, the
dobra, but have since discovered the people of Prncipe
dont have anything to sell no trinkets, no carvings,
nothing. They have enough to eat and wooden houses
on stilts to shelter from the rain; a few, where there is
power, have televisions. But money for its own sake is
meaningless. One pound is worth 28,900 dobra; I am
a millionaire in a place where there is nothing to buy
(in a flash, I empathise with Mark Shuttleworth). I
could, I suppose, buy some fish.
Instead, I give the local women what I would want
visitors to give me: fulsome compliments about their
rounded babies and little children, larking in the water.
An ebony Buddha of a toddler is wearing a pair of
underpants, the waistband incongruously printed, over
and over, with a single word: Obama. A little girl in a
cartoon T-shirt has no inkling that its Mickey Mouse
the islanders clothes are bought from middlemen who
peddle second-hand garments from Germany. New items
are worn with the price label ostentatiously on display.
We drive along deeply rutted roads to the biggest town,
Santo Antonio, a grandly faded remnant of Portuguese
colonialism, with its sun-bleached faades, wide empty
roads and a municipal park in the centre. Its controlled
symmetry is entirely at odds with the wild, blossom-strewn
profligacy of the surrounding rainforest. We take lunch
at Rositas, a caf-cum-bar, and order Cokes to wash down
our fried fish, but Rosita has only one can, so three of
us share it. If this would irritate you, rather than make you
smile, then please, accept that Prncipe is not for you.
A gentle, pale dog with light amber eyes sits patiently,
hopefully, beneath our table. Her pup is indoors.
Can we see it? Diane obligingly translates.
Rosita laughs so much she has to hold onto the door
lintel to support her. A puppy? A puppy! You want to
see a puppy? She rolls her eyes at the crazy Europeans
but gets her son to fetch it and stands shaking her head
and dabbing her eyes at the sight of us cooing over a
puppy, of all things.
I head back to Bom Bom for my final evening and
an air of sweet melancholy descends as the stars so many
stars burst through the canopy of darkness above
me. Gripped by nostalgia, even before the day is out, I
take a final swim. And as I splash in the sea, the water
lights up with thousands of bioluminescent plankton,
glittering and shimmering around me.
Paradise. Found. Extraordinary marks the spot. (
Book it Africa Travel (africatravel.co.uk/tatlertravel;
020 7843 3580) offers five nights at Bom Bom Island
Resort from 1,845, half board, as part of a seven-night
trip, including flights and transfers.

TATLER pRomoTion

Le Morne Peninsula

My Mauritius

For insider knowledge, Susie Freeman is the UKs go-to

Mauritian specialist. We ask her to pick three hotels for 2014

No UK-based tour operator knows Mauritius

quite like Susie Freeman. Her hotel portfolio
features the pick of the island and her local
knowledge is second to none. This year
her spotlight is on Dinarobin Golf & Spa
and Paradis Hotel & Golf Club, as well as
introducing Shandrani Resort & Spa, the first
fully inclusive resort in Mauritius.
More than sun, sea and sand... Mauritius is a
real melting pot. From tropical beauty and fivestar luxe to diverse food and activities galore, if
we could hotfoot it there tomorrow, we would.
Paradis and Dinarobin are sandwiched
between a coral-protected lagoon and the
stunning Le Morne Mountain, a picture-perfect
private setting. But the standout success of

these neighbouring hotels is that they share

every single (top-notch) facility, and in doing
so have created a unique peninsula-based
destination. Guests have access to seven
kilometres of beach, eight restaurants, a
championship golf course, superb spa and a
vast choice of chic rooms, suites and villas.
Although working together, the hotels differ
in character and vibe. Paradis is more actionorientated with one of the islands largest sports
and water sports centres; the blissful Dinarobin
is more of a calming idyll complete with dreamy
spa and uber-relaxing Kabanon Beach Bar
& Lounge. Book into either hotel and you will
enjoy the best of both worlds in one of the
Indian Oceans most mesmerising settings.

Two hotels, one

detination, Le Morne
Peninsula is Mauitius at

Shandrani Resort & Spa

A Mauritian first

All-inclusive used to be deemed an allyou-can-eat-and-drink definite no-no.

But perceptions have changed and the
fabulous Shandrani Resort & Spa is living
proof that a new breed of all-inclusive
hotel is here to stay: deluxe from spa to
bar. Shandrani's private peninsula setting
is wonderful, the vibe is smart but relaxed
and the all-inclusive umbrella covers
everything from excellent food, wine,
champagne and cocktails to water sports,
golf, tennis and a spa treatment thrown in
for anyone staying four nights or more.

Tatler reader offer

A tranquil pool, Dinarobin

Susie Freeman Travel is

offering seven nights, allinclusive in a Superior Room
at the Shandrani from 3,250
per person. Offer includes flights with
Air Mauritius, airport taxes and transfers.

To book, call Susie Freeman Travel on 01488 668821, email susie@susiefreemantravel.com or visit susiefreemantravel.com

Chicken or fish?
Both! you will cry
when flying with
Qatar Airways.
Wunder-chefs Tom
Aikens and Nobu
Matasuhisa have given
aeroplane food
a mega upgrade.
qatarairways.com

Persol sunglasses, 209, are hardwearing, stylish, foldable, etc, etc. But
Steve McQueen wore them, people.
Now thats hot. At davidclulow.com

Arabian heights

Lots of sunshine. Shopping galore. A huge

water park. And 55 (count em) restaurants.
Take your family to the Madinat Jumeirah,
Dubai for your winter-sun fix, and they will
thank you. jumeirah.com/mjwinterflavours

Ndy
A TA
iell
r
A
by M

Colour us happy
At the Blue Place hotel in Crete, the sea is blue.
The sky is blue. The pool is blue. The sunloungers
are blue. And with the views, spa and locally
sourced food, you will be anything but. bluepalace.gr

Rockin
Getting these sandals through
security might be tricky, but it will
be so worth it. 795, jimmychoo.com

The villas at the Mulia, Bali, are so

well kitted out youll want to move
in with the whole tribe. And no,
you cannot swap grandma
for the butler. themulia.com

Think on your feet

Christies and Abercrombie &
Kent have teamed up to offer ace
art trips for culture vultures.
An Art Journey through India,
29 January11 February, will have
scholars and VIP viewings galore.
abercrombiekent.com
96
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

In the gild
Well, hello, slinky
gold dress. You will
look so good on
the superyacht,
and by the pool,
and at the
nightclub. And
you arent a liquid
over 100ml so
youll fit in my
hand luggage too.
Knit minidress,
400, by Missoni.
stylebop.com

TATLER pRomoTion

Drink up
It is the Ritzs year to steal the hotel bar limelight. Raise your glass to a
sumptuous celebration of Twenties decadence in the Rivoli Bar

he Rivoli Bar has seen a Ritz-worthy return to its

art deco roots, as well as a cocktail renaissance.
Turn back the clock to the Twenties and Thirties and
enjoy the charm of a long-gone age, when dignitaries
and luminaries rubbed shoulders with discerning guests.
Today, the bar evokes that same sense of vintage
glamour, with Murano glass chandeliers hung from
gilded domes, camphor wooden walls inset with Lalique
glass panels and an elaborate onyx marble-topped bar.
No longer is champagne sipped from a slipper ( la
Tallulah Bankhead). Now, cocktails are served in crystal
glasses by slick blazer-clad waiters.
Many of the cocktails pay tribute to this bygone era:
the Gatsby, Sir Charlie (Chaplin) and Mary Pickford
all feature on a list that reads like a mixologists
dissertation. Detail is epic. The preparation of
a Manhattan begins months in advance with plump
cherries macerated in bourbon barrels, ready to be
served in their own treasure chests of crushed ice. Sit
back and watch the barmen at work while relaxing to
the soft soundtrack of swinging jazz. Nostalgia with a
seriously modern twist.

To book a table at the Rivoli Bar, call 020 7493 8181 or visit theritzlondon.com

James Fox and his family hit the road in the California desert a
parallel universe of alien landscapes, surreal ghost towns and
close encounters with folk whove followed a very different route

Photographed by Tao Ruspoli

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Parked up and camped

out in the Mojave desert

Risn, Jimmy and James

on Tao Ruspolis porch
in Bombay Beach

t started as a boys trip: taking my 12-year-old son across the

sculptures and installations, a little forbidding. An otherwise
California and Nevada deserts, camping out. Then others piled
friendly man called Marty Owens wears the warning Armed and
in. My wife Bella; friends Tao (filmmaker) and Risn (PhD
Bitter Libertarian Drunkards Live Here. Armed, certainly. I ask how
student) of Venice, California. We hired a Cruise America C30
communal disputes are settled. We have a shotgun, says Owens.
camper, with generator and aircon the deserts already hot in
Its survival of the fittest here, but also we have respect. He was
spring. We plotted a ragged circle from LA, with Las Vegas the
a furniture maker in Buffalo when the jobs ran out. I didnt want
farthest point: the Mojave first, on the southern swing, and Death Valley to sit there and freeze, he says. So I hit the road.
on the northern return. Those seven days took us to the most immense
Further around Slab City is the Lizard Tree Library, its ramshackle
and beautiful landscapes I have seen outside East Africa into a new
aisles, crammed with books, set down on the desert floor, its roof made
Wild West of lost utopias and reinhabited ghost towns, a 1,200-mile
of sacking and tin. An old man bangs on the side of the RV. Hes from
eye-opener on Californian boom and bust, and a 12-year-olds dream.
the East End of London, now aged 87, spry and
First, a convergence at the finely re-decod Beverly
sharp. I was in the Army in the war, 1488276
Hills Hotel. The power players in the Polo
Fusilier Kitchings G (for Geoff ), he reels off.
Lounge talk loudly. Ill tell you what the
Some interesting people here. Some dropped
shows about, booms one to a pair of crestfallen
out, couldnt quite make it in the world today.
e
h
t
e of
g
a
listeners. The director Guy Ritchie, whom
Some are wanted by police. They melt into the
im
st
Our fir ohn Wayne
I meet in the circular lobby, heard this too.
scenery. Nobody bothers them. I ask him
J
olour
West:
c
We head for Palm Springs, a walled and gated
how they deal with trouble. He turns to his
e
h
t
ains,
Republican redoubt, only because of the hipster
neighbour. Whats the word for burning
mount ached cow
le
modernist Ace Hotel & Swim Club, which is cool
someones trailer down, Steve? he says.
b
r
f
o
e shee
is
r
,
indeed. At breakfast beside the curving pool, our
Joshua Tree National Park, our first real
g
n
s
du
e tree
h
t
first image of the West: John Wayne mountains,
taste
of desert, is in spring bloom yellow
d
in
beh
the colour of bleached cow dung, rise sheer behind
goldenbush and scarlet ocotillo light up the
the palm trees, very close by.
grey-green landscape. We find a magical campsite just
Im going to take you to one of the weirdest places
off the road a disused pony stockade with a water tank, surrounded
in America, if not the world, says Tao. He has a house two trailers
by the Dr Seuss-lookalike Joshuas. Jimmy collects hollow Joshua logs
banged together with added porch at Bombay Beach, 65 miles to the for a fire, keeping an eye out for the dreaded Mojave rattlesnake.
south-east on Route 111. This is a town built, it seems, on salt-rusted
The town of Joshua Tree, 15 miles away, flies the flag for the hippie
car-kill, though back in the Fifties it was a glamorous resort beside the
spirit and has the best breakfast we eat at the Crossroads Cafe.
Salton Sea, the 400-square-mile lake created by a flood accident on
Cornbread so light and tasty, burrito with black beans. (Yelp.com, the
the Colorado river in 1905. Its too salty now for most fish life. A relic
peoples word of mouth, also gets us to the tastiest meatball sandwich
of busted hopes, the North Shore Beach and Yacht Club, with its
ever made Jimmy concurring in KCs Outpost Eatery & Saloon
Commodore Room where Hollywood once came, has been pointlessly
in Beatty, Nevada, on 95, and to the sublime Clint Eastwoods Skillet
restored, facing a yachtless, glassy expanse of ghost lake. The town has a in the Alabama Hills Caf and Bakery in Lone Pine, CA, on 395.)
population of 300, mostly on benefits or pensions. It is a romantic place
I make a pilgrimage to the Joshua Tree Inn, the motel where Gram
where Jimmy, our son, wants to live, mostly because of its silence. Only Parsons, the buddy of Keith Richards who put country heartbreak into
cockerels at dawn, the odd dog and the whistle from the Union Pacific, rock, overdosed in 1973. Its owner Margo Paolucci has kept the place
hauling trains of 100 boxcars beside the highway. At night, Jimmy cooks
almost intact, including that small, breeze-blocked Room 8, with the
us chilli, on the porch furnished with cupids holding flower baskets.
same painting and mirror on the wall.
Nearby, a sign says: Slab City. Almost There. The last free place.
We cut north through the Mojave National Preserve, towards the
This trailer-and-shack park, built on the slabs of a demolished army
isolated rail depot of Kelso built 1923 with its original bedrooms
camp, has no water, sewage or electricity. On its edge is the suburb
for the rail crews and a classic old diner, still functioning. This is the
of East Jesus, something of a fugitive artists colony with fantastic
middle of the wilderness, next to the Devils Playground a landscape

A Joshua tree (Yucca

brevifolia) in the Mojave

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James and Jimmy

at the dinner table
aboard the RV

vvast and limitless,

ssurrounded by mountain
rranges. Dry lakes and sunlit
plains covered in velvety
p
ggreen creosote bushes
aamong the oldest living things
oon earth stretch up into hills.
IIt seems endless, this primordial,
untouched America, and its
u
bbreathtakingly beautiful.
Mike Davis, author of City of
A sig
Quartz
, famed archaeo-political sage
an a n at Sa
oof LA and Southern California, is
lvat
rt in
io
s
nM
of lo tallat
Risns dad. He wants a sample of
R
ve in ion a ounta
n
in
Nila
nd, d labou ,
shonkinite
rock, only findable a few
sh
Cali
forn r
ia
yyards from the gates of Molycorp
M
Minerals
on Highway 15, the most
sstrategically important rare-mineral mine
in North America only the Chinese have
a supply as plentiful. This whole area
b
bristles
with nuclear test sites, gunnery ranges,
drone bases its Americas secret military
d
heartland. Drone-paranoid, we scrabble
h
ssuccessfully on hands and knees for his shiny
bblack prisms, and get the hell out to Las Vegas.
Nevada billboards say: Shooters Welcome, See
IIt. Shoot It, Free Ammo. Jimmy is not allowed to
sstop by any game, so we circle the densely packed
ttables where punters are smoking! You walk in
Vegas for miles on walkways, through fake classical
V
llandscapes: the Arc de Triomphe, Piazza San Marco.
Along Highway 95, westwards, a drone is flying
aalongside us out from Creech Air Force Base, Indian
SSprings, the epicentre of drone warfare. We stop at the
Alien Cathouse, a pink-stucco brothel in Amargosa Valley
A
((this is UFO-sighting territory). While the others get gas, I
ggo in. The girls are lined up for me to choose a tour guide.
I shut my eyes and point, getting the S&M hostess, who
shows me the specialist room for alien abduction. A mile on,
sh
a deadly looking chloride mine, a single burial cross in the
dirt. At Beatty, of the meatball sandwich, we head west on 374
d
to begin the descent into Death Valley. We sleep in the RV at
SStovepipe Wells campsite; in the Thirties, we would have been
ragged refugees heading for California. Now we make fires in the
ra
rusting barbecues and walk in the sandy dunes at sunset. Here, near
ru

Devils Cornfield, is the most

spectacular view of the trip: a vast,
this
ive into s
r
d
white, sparkling dried lake on the
u
o
les
As y
water
left and more creosote-covered
mpty,
e
lo
e w
plains and mountains of immense
ce to b res a
la
p
grandeur on the right. You feel you
e
vel, th f no
are seriously committing yourself as
sea le
eling o
you drive down into this empty,
Styx fe ed return
nte
waterless place to below sea level
guara
a Styx feeling of no guaranteed return.
Darwin, down a side road off 190, is
an old ghost town whose lead and silver mines
were worked until
ines w
the late Seventies. Its homestead cabins, dance hall, diner and post
office with old gas pumps have resisted total collapse in the dry desert
air. The residents are now artists, outcasts, 12-steppers, retirees. One
wild man showed the name on his driving licence as Roadkyll Roadrash
Sagebrush. The king of this community, however, is Larry the
Lifeguard. He is lying on his outdoor sofa, looking very like the Lorax,
in a hideout constructed with timber saved from the Santa Monica Pier.
Hed been a lifeguard there for 40 years, after dropping out from the
Rand Corporation, where he worked as a mathematician on secret
stuff to do with atomic bombs. The old mine still dominates the town
from high up the mountain. Before it closed, says Larry, the hippies
turned up there in the early Seventies. There was a big fight between
the drugged-out hippies and the old drunken miners, says Larry.
The miners basically lost, then the hippies disappeared.
Our final pilgrimage, along the Pearblossom Highway, is to the lost
socialist commune of Llano del Rio. By 1916, writes Mike Davis,
their alfalfa fields and modern dairy, their pear orchards and vegetable
gardens, supplied the colony [in its hundreds of families] with 90 per
cent of its own food. It had fallen apart by 1917 internal squabbles,
water rights and hostile neighbours did for it. The twin fireplaces of its
assembly hall still stand. Close by is the house where Aldous Huxley
lived and hallucinated in the Thirties. He mused at the lost utopia
across the road as a pathetic little Ozymandias. I disagree. I see it as
a monument to the glorious tradition of boom and bust, to the hope
for reinvention in the California desert, and to the seekers after
freedom who still migrate there. (
BOOK IT
Cleveland Collection (clevelandcollection.co.uk/tatlertravel;
020 7843 3596) can arrange a 10-night Californian road trip
from 1,385. This includes British Airways flights, one night at the
Beverly Hills Hotel, one night at the Ace Hotel & Swim Club and
hire of a Cruise America C30 camper.

Searching
for a stylish
getaway?

new
website

condenastjohansens.com
SA Pedrissa, Majorca

Make your Grand

Entrance, inOurs.
Photographed at The Langham, London

The Langham, London has sprung to life, revealing the rewards of an exquisite transformation.
With luxurious accommodation in the centre of Londons West End, your senses will be captivated
as the original Grand Hotel re-captures the heart of London.

Discover The Langham, London: langhamlondon.com

1c Portland Place, Regent Street, London, W1B 1JA T 44 (0) 20 7965 0191

Fine art or fur coats? Pushkin or plutocrats? Russias two key cities are polar opposites: one a
cradle of high culture, the other all mad money and bonkers fun. Read on for ST PETERSBURGs
mindblowing museums, monuments and music, by Francisca Kellett. Nyet to the Hermitage, da to
Herms? Turn to page 108 for Michelle Jana Chans take on MOSCOWs dynamo scene

Your in-flight
entertainment is...
DR. ZHIVAGO

ON YOUR IPAD

RUSSIAN
TATlER

CRIME AND
PUNISHMENT

IN THE ORIGINAl

STAY AT
W HOTEL

STAY AT
HOTEL asTORia

Clip-clop up the dramatic stairs of this

brand-new renovated palace, twirl into the
gilded lobby and carelessly shrug o your
mink in the Tea Lounge all imperial
greens and yellows, potted palms and a
soaring glass ceiling. Oh yes, theres a sense
of theatre in these thick walls and lots
of modern loveliness too: two restaurants,
a wood-panelled bar, a spa hidden away
in a courtyard and smart rooms swathed
in baby blue and royal yellow. Te
enormous Lobanov presidential suite
(accessed by an incredibly grand marble
staircase) has a vast balcony stretching
the length of the building perfect
for waving regally at passing tourists.
Double, from 230 (fourseasons.com).

Tis joint is fun fun FUN. Self-consciously

so, yes, but still the sort of place you cant
help but enjoy. Te lobby is lled with
oversized gold lamps and oating glass
sh, and theres a literary salon-style lounge
plus the only Alain Ducasse restaurant in
Russia. Rooms are perky: there are
Faberg-egg wall panels, munchie boxes
and a Whatever/Whenever speed-dial
button (you can order anything, were told,
as long as its legal). But the real cincher is
the cracking rooftop bar, a total hit in
summer, with sexy wooden cabanas and
hoist-your-jaw-o-the-oor views of the
skyline. In chilly weather, Mix-Up, a oor
down, aint half bad either. Double, from
190 (wstpetersburg.com).

All right, clever clogs, stop showing o. But

rst say privyet to this 100-year-old grande
dame bang opposite St Isaacs Cathedral,
which has hosted everyone from Chirac
and Tatcher to the Prince of Wales and
Woody Allen. Its a Sir Rocco Forte hotel, so
theres a glitzy sheen to all that highbrow
marble and polished brass, and rooms have
had the Olga Polizzi treatment: parquet
oors, ashes of colour (cherry red, royal
blue) and marble bathrooms, with cheeky
prints of Sean Connery rolling on a fur
with a Russki Bond girl. Te Astoria
Caf serves the best deconstructed beef
strogano youll ever eat, and the
Rotunda has an extravagant afternoon tea.
Double, from 180 (thehotelastoria.com).

photographs: kobal collection

STAY AT FOuR
sEasOns LiOn PaLaCE

ST PETERSBURG

Your sightseeing shoes Are...

MEINDL
waLKINg
BooTS

EXPLorE THE
mOdern art Scene

SEE THE CITYS

VISIT THE
HermItaGe muSeum

If we could bottle up Marina Gisich and sell

her, we would. She is SO COOL trendy,
elegant and the most plugged-in woman in
St Petersburg. Her unassuming townhouse
gallery hosts Russias best contemporary
artists, and if youre really charming shell
invite you up to her private apartment, which
is dripping with modern masterpieces (Kustov,
Alexeeva, Bogomolov). Ten head over to
Erarta, a vast collection of modern Russian
art and the most entertaining museum you
will ever visit. Lots of it is interactive, which
means you can actually eat the gherkins
displayed alongside Tatiamins Dinner Alone,
or sit in the giant chair in an up-scaled
nursery by Kopeikin which makes you feel
like a toddler. Who knew Russians were this
much fun? gisich.com; erarta.com

Youll want to rest those feet (fool), so

opt for a boat trip and zip through
St Petersburgs watery network. Tis is
the best way of seeing the city, the dramatic
architecture opening up around you as
you zoom from canal to canal, suddenly
bursting onto the mighty Neva River.
Hop onto dry land at Nevsky Prospekt and
totter round the corner to posh department
store DLT. Ten buy some ats.

Well, arent you sensible? Youll already

know that your concierge must arrange
an early entrance, which trust us is the
only way of surviving. Te Winter Palace
attracts screaming, picture-snapping hordes,
so plan your visit carefully. Te building
itself is extraordinary: room after room of
golden splendour, intricate oors, frescos
and cornicing galore, all courtesy of
Catherine the Great. And then theres
the art: 400 rooms, three million pieces.
Phew. You cant see everything (unless you
camp out for a month), so here are some
highlights: the Jordan Staircase; Leonardo da
Vincis Madonna and Child; the Matisse
Room; the Rembrandt Room. And dont miss
the masterfully renovated modern art and
design wing. Phew. hermitagemuseum.org

canalS & SHOPS

YO ur SO uv en Ir mu St -H av e IS
a TIN of
CaVIar
HaVE LUNCH aT

YelISeYev
GrOcerY StOre
Open for more than a century, this
magnificent, gold-encrusted art
nouveau marvel is the very poshest
grocery store in St Petersburg, crammed
with counters selling pickled herring,
lashings of vodka and, yes, caviar.
Its the perfect pitstop for lunch on
the hoof. (00 7 812 456 66 66).

...aN IroNIC
SoVIET HaT
HaVE LUNCH aT

...a rUSSIaN
DoLL
HaVE LUNCH aT

BIBlIOteka

StOlle

a blend of smart restaurant, funky caf and

ber-cool bookshop, the new three-storey
Biblioteka is the citys trendiest lunch spot.
cosy up around scrubbed oak tables and
tuck into russian-style tapas (chicken-liver
parfait and pear, or seared scallops with
cauliflower and apple) or gourmet pizzas.
and you can guiltlessly dump the kids in the
gorgeous crche. (00 7 812 244 1594).

Stolle sells one thing:

pies. Good, stodgy
russian pies. Slip into
a corner with a slice
of chicken and dill
and watch the locals
shout at each other
in the steamy fug.
(00 7 495 644 40 45).

ST PETERSBURG

photographs: alamy, shutterstock, rex, getty, alpha, optic

pictures, fourcorners

SPIKE-HEELED
JIMMY CHoo
BooTS

NIKE aIr
TraINErS

YO ur Pe rf ec t
dIn ne r date IS.. .

You r st Y l e i con i s...

...PUSHKIN

...DaSHa zHUKoVa

SHOP fOr BOOkS

St Petersburgs greatest poet would
have approved of the citys largest
bookstore, the House of Books,
trading since the Revolution. It
even stayed open during the Siege
of Leningrad (1941 44) they
couldnt eat, but they were damned
if they were going to stop reading.
It is housed in the art nouveau Singer
House (they of the sewing machines).

SHOP tIll YOu drOP

Te recently glammedup DLT has all the big
labels (Russians like
labels). Next, pop over
to Babochka, for the
likes of Cline and Stella
McCartney, or hotfoot it
to Tanya Kotegovas for her
couture creations. dlt.ru;
babochka.ru; kotegova.com

VLaDIMIr PUTIN

DINNEr aT: PalkIn

One of the citys oldest,
grandest restaurants
all crisp white cloths
and formal waiters.
eat serious food
(chateaubriand, maplebaked duck), be seen
by serious people
and spend some
very serious money.
(00 7 812 703 53 71).

NaTaLIa VoDIaNoVa

You wAnt to
sh ow off to
...YoUr MUM
Take her to the ballet. One
opera house wasnt enough
for St Petersburg, so May
2013 saw the opening of the
Mariinsky II, a glass-andsteel-and-stone beauty
right opposite the original.
Its gorgeous, even
if it has rued
some feathers,
and
ssshhhhh
the stage is
much better for
ballet. A daytime
tour of the Mariinsky I
provides a fascinating
peek behind the curtain.
mariinsky.ru

...YoUr BoYfrIEND
OK, so rooftop hopping can
be a little bit gasp-inducing,
but its a rush trust us. Try
Sputnik, which connects
locals with visitors and runs
regular high-adrenalin tours.
Coolest girlfriend ever?
Check. sputnik8.com

DINNEr aT: em

YoUr HUSBaND
Take him for a sly snog
in the grounds of St
Nicholass Naval Cathedral,
with its gorgeous golden
domes, pretty gardens and
secluded views over the
canals. He wont know
what hit him.

Shell take some

impressing, so head
to this secret spot,
hidden in a canal-side
townhouse. no choice,
just very experimental
food: raw prawns
with Pernod foam,
say. Only the owner
grants tables. (00 7
921 960 2177).

rUDoLf NUrEYEV

DINNEr aT: Za tSenOI

Oooh, what a dish!
not the food the
guy (lets just pretend
he didnt defect. Or
die). the food itself
is jolly nice too at this
airy, vaulted joint. Its
the perfect premariinsky supper
spot za tsenoi
means backstage.
(00 7 812 326 4142).

YO ur Ha nG Ov er cu re IS. ..
Yo U r T I P P L E
of CHoICE IS...

...VoDKa!
Youre in russia. You must
only drink vodka. Locals call
vodka dens alcohol cafs.
which is brilliant, obviously.
Sup at russian Vodka room
No.1, a traditional restaurant
serving over 200 types
of vodka in cosy booths.
vodkaroom.ru

B Lo w I N g o U T T H E C o B w E B S

wa L K I N g I T o f f

go To: Peter
and Paul fOrtreSS
Tisll sober you up: Peter the Great slugged gallons
of vodka here when he founded the city; Trotsky and
Dostoevsky languished in the dungeons, and most
Tsars are buried
here, including the
last one and his
murdered children.
Fancy a revivifying
dip? Teres a
beach below.

go To: Our SavIOur On tHe SPIlled

BlOOd and tHe ruSSIan muSeum
A princess-mad six-year olds fantasy: turquoise
and gold domes, crazy spirals, pink bricks and
gaudy, glittering mosaics.
Stroll around, then skip
down the canal to the
huge Russian Museum,
for a gallop through
everything from religious
icons to Chagall.
rusmuseum.ru

BOOK IT ITC Classics (itcclassics.co.uk; 01244 355527) offers three nights in St Petersburg from 935, including
British Airways flights and transfers

ST PETERSBURG

..

Its big, its boisterous, its totally bananas and itll show you a bloody good time

Youre sleeping with

a KGb-CIa
double aGent

Stay at: HoTEl

NIkolSkAYA kEmpINSkI
moScow
Teres a whi of deal-making in
the lobby of Kempinskis newest,
glitziest Moscow hotel, bang
opposite FSB HQ (formerly the
KGB) and within whispering
range of Red Square. Interiors are
Belle Epoque bling: gilded oak,
marble and velvet. Scope out the
rooftop Mojito bar, where leggy
Muscovites strut to DJs. Double,
from 575 (kempinski.com).

. . .yo u r e m e r G I n G
eConomIeS broKer

Stay at: ARARAT pARk

HYATT moScow
Tis slick, everything-works
option is a mere pirouette away
from the Bolshoi Teatre. Its
not the newest in town
although theres a clutch of
glittering, renovated suites
and it is big and suity, with
polished wood and chrome all
over the place, but the service
is some of the best in the city.
Double, from 370
(moscow.park.hyatt.com).

a StonyfaCed
olIGarCh

Stay at: BARVIkHA

HoTEl & SpA
When Russias super-rich are not
in London (or Courchevel, or St
Barths), they live it up here behind
high walls. Designed by Antonio
Citterio, the 65 rooms have heated
terraces, open replaces and, in
the presidential suite, a 15-footwide bed. Ahem. But the real
star is the Spa Dominique
Chenot, with 12 spa suites for
unsurpassed pampering. Double,
from 350 (lhw.com/barvikha).

RISING STARS
Te Four Seasons Hotel
Moscow (fourseasons.com) is
due to open in late spring
between the Duma building
and the Kremlin in a replica
of the Tirties Hotel Moskva.
Expect some swanky
shopping on-site. Hotel
Metropol Moscow (metropolmoscow.ru) has recently been
snaed up by Russian
oligarch Alexander Klyachin,
who is just the guy to give
this faded property some
va-va-voom. It already has
the citys hottest concierge
(in more ways than one);
Anna Endrihovskaia knows
whats what. If youre not
staying here, use concierge
Prime (primeconcept.co.uk;
00 7 495 660 7054).

qUIRkY cUlTURE
Te new Moscow Design Museum is a
stylish slice of contemporary cool beside
the Kremlin, occupying a 200-year-old
neoclassical building that was once a
military training academy. Its still
nding its mojo but early exhibitions
bode well one on Soviet packaging,
another showcasing playful interactive
installation art. Wander and ponder.
moscowdesignmuseum.ru

A Good cRY
Te memorial complex of the Great Patriotic
War (1941 45) is a reminder of the scale
of the enormous Soviet sacrice during the
Second World War. Standing in Pobedy Park,
it is made up of lifelike dioramas depicting
harrowing key battles. Tousands of military
heroes names are engraved inside the Hall
of Glory and a winged Goddess of Victory
clings to a neck-craning obelisk. Powerful
stu. poklonnayagora.ru

MOSCOW

AN UNdERGRoUNd
AdVENTURE
Te Moscow Metro is magnicent, a
testament to Soviet engineering and a
snapshot of idealism: Stalin believed stations
should be palaces for the people. Te oldest
are architectural masterpieces, including
Ploshchad Revolyutsii, with its statues of
farmers, athletes and industrial workers. Find
more Stalinist splendour at Komsomolskaya
and meticulous mosaics at Mayakovskaya.

photographs: alamy, getty, shutterstock

Yo U RE IN TH E mo od fo R. ..

...Summer

...WInter

Go to: GoRkY pARk

Tree hundred acres of revamped park,
right in the centre of town, with super-chic
restaurants and bars plus public art projects
and the Garage Center for Contemporary
Culture (garageccc.com/en), founded by
the delicious Dasha Zhukova. Te gigantic
ice rink is dreamy on a snowy afternoon,
and has childrens zones, ice-hockey areas
and set-asides for pros to demonstrate their
crazy triple salchows. Warning: no skating
after vodka. OK, just one. park-gorkogo.com

...SPrInG/autumn

Go to: REd ocToBER

On Balchug Island in the Moskva River, this
former chocolate factory is now Red October
a building complex lled with arty types,
galleries and the unmissable bar Strelka, with
astounding views of the Cathedral of Christ
the Saviour from its sunny terrace. Bliss!
Red October is also home to Moscows
hottest nightclubs: over-subscribed (but
so worth the wait) Gipsy, and Chteau de
Fantomas downloading its app is the only
way to get in. redok.ru

Go to: pATRIARSHY pRUdIY

Hit this hip residential area, and stop for
a trim at the retro Chop-Chop barbers
(chopchop.me); it doesnt serve women,
though no matter how persistent or
pretty. Ten drop by Ulliams (ulliams.
ru), an Italian/French/Russian fusion
place thats so popular, guests hunker
down on the steps just to taste the food.
End up at the 13th-oor Time Out Bar
at the Peking Hotel (hotelpeking.ru)
wrapped up in blankets sipping cocktails.

Youre instagramming...
...In the Style of: ANNA kARENINA

look wistful and

flighty by the
fountain in front
of the Bolshoi
Theatre, the
venue for Swan
Lakes premire
nearly 140 years
ago. Shed a tear
for sparkling eyes.
effect: lofi

...In the Style of: XENIA oNATopp

flanked by heavies,
and dressed from
top to toe in dolce
& Gabbana, strike a
pose on the bridge in
front of the cathedral
of christ the Saviour,
which was blown up
by Stalin and cost a
bazillion roubles to
rebuild in the Nineties.
effect: X-pro II

MOSCOW

...toptotoe roberto cavalli

Go to: Barvikha luxurY village

You can smell the money about 10 miles away,
when all the cars pulling o the motorway
are G-Wagens, Merc AMGs and Bentleys.
Barvikhas shopping is oligarch-tastic, like
Bond Street but pricier (yikes), plus there is
a blow-away concert hall and, nearby, the
Arkhangelskoye estate, lled with 17th-century
decorative art and one of the greatest rare-book
collections in Russia. After all that exhausting
shopping, rest your feet at Avenue restaurant,
where the must-eat dishes are Kamchatka crab
tempura and traditional veal pelmeni (kind of
like gnocchi). blv.ru
... acne Jeans and
herMes hikinG boots

Go to: the kremlin

Ooh, its so Cold War cool. Tis fortress
complex with museums, armouries and
Orthodox churches is the ocial working
residence of the Russian president. Youll
nd Catherine the Greats coronation
crown, Cinderella-style coaches (on skis
instead of wheels) and a clutch of absurd
Faberg eggs. Take a break on the coveted
terrace of Bosco Caf, overlooking St
Basils and Red Square. kreml.ru; bosco.ru

...niet!

Go to: Zhivica
russian Bath house
Suspend your disbelief and you might just
convince yourself youve left downtown
Moscow for deepest Siberia. Strip o and
head into a steamy room with Alex, who is
also guaranteed to raise your temperature
(wearing only a tiny towel around his
waist). He whips guests with Siberian
r, oak and birch branches (good for
circulation; bad for calming ones pulse)
before serving up herbal tea, homemade
kvass (a mild beer) and organic honey on
black bread. Te three-hour Altai Zhivitsa
treatment (from
385) includes
steams,
thrashings and
a roll in a hayloft.
banya-zhivica.ru

a headscarfed babushka

Go to: eliseevskiY
this neo-baroque
food hall, set in an 18thcentury mansion, has
been 100 years in the
biz. all marble counters
and tinkling chandeliers,
it stocks old-fashioned
russian treats to take
home: sturgeon in
aspic, salted salmon
and baked carp. Yum.
eliseevskiy.ru

pussy riot

Go to: tsvetnoY
central market
theres a smattering of
well-known brands at
this department store
(comme des garons,
mcQ), but come on a
weekend and join
swarms of hipsters at
the sunday up market, where over 100 russian
designers showcase their goods. Whizz up to
the fifth floor for food market, a slick gourmet
deli. tsvetnoy.com/en; sundayupmarket.ru

natasha rostova

Go to: oldich
head to oldich vintage
store for one-off finds
such as exquisite crocodile
clutches and imperialist
cocktail dresses. they might
need a nip and tuck but youll
be the only one wearing
them. nearby, Boscos retrofolk sports gear is the best
buy to celebrate this years
Winter olympics in sochi.
bosco.ru

Yo ur dr ea m date is

BOOK IT Abercrombie & Kent

(0845 485 1143; abercrombiekent.co.uk)
offers a three-night stay in Moscow
from 920, including flights
and transfers.

... Maria
s h a r a p o va
Take her back to her roots
at Mari Vanna like the
London outpost but
better, with a cosy
kitchen serving high-carb
comfort food in a living
room stocked with
curios, and Dr Zhivagostyle folk music ddling
away in the background.
marivanna.ru

. . . d av i d
hallberG
Te white-blond American
will need some feeding up
after all that ballet dancing,
so spin him over to Roni,
around the corner from the
Bolshoi. Tis divine outpost
by Arkady Novikov (who
is also behind the Mayfair
joint of his own name) serves
pan-Asian sushi, noodles and
curries. novikovgroup.ru

photographs: getty, rex, wireimage, shutterstock

YOU R S i g h tSeei ng
OUtf i t i S...

ct
Yo u r p e r f e
s h o p p in g
is .. .
c o m pa n io n

TATLER pRomoTion

Its true there are countless reasons to visit the Bulgari

Hotel. A dream location in the heart of Knightsbridge?
Check. A superb underground spa which was not only
the venue for our annual Tatler Spa Awards, but also
scooped the Best of British award? Yes, indeed. Supersleek architecture and striking interiors? Of course think
big, bold and shiny. The formidable hotel is masterfully
crafted in Portland stone and bronze (used in legendary
London landmarks like Buckingham Palace and St Pauls
Cathedral) and is accompanied by polished black granite
floors and white veined-marble walls. The building is
nothing short of spectacular.
But there are other reasons to pay this magnificent
hotel a visit that may not be immediately obvious. Loved
by Londons lively social butterflies, Il Bar is run by a
passionate team of mixologists who have invented 11
exclusive cocktails, all inspired by Bulgari fragrances.
Drop in for a Sandalwood and Jasmine Fizz, a vodkabased cocktail made with champagne, sandalwood,
jasmine and amber. Tucked away behind the bar, cigar
enthusiasts can slink off to the Cigar Shop and Sampling
Lounge where the obscurest cigars can be delivered

Modern magic

Its unique, sleek and boasts service as smooth as its

polished granite floors. The Bulgari Hotel & Residences is
one of Londons newest luxury hotels and we love it

Clockwise from left:

The Cigar Lounge and
cigars, Il Bar, the hotel
exterior, the cinema

upon request and even stored at optimum

temperatures in private lockers. The fabulous attention
to detail is reflected in The Lounge, which features an
air-replacement-system that keeps air fresh by drawing
smoke from the cigars without causing a breeze. The
mind boggles. Meanwhile film fanatics can get their fill at
the ultra-modern cinema, which hosts premieres and is
available for private screenings. Pick from virtually any
film under the sun and get comfy in one of the 47 roomy
seats, which all offer the best view in the house. With
cold wintery nights on the horizon, why not organise a
group of friends and treat yourselves? The Bulgari really
is the place to be.
For further details, visit bulgarihotels.com

101 BEST HOTELS

Index

LOCAtiOn inDe X
Argent i n A
27 Grace Cafayate
Calchaqu Valley
60 Hub Porteo Buenos Aires
AU St rAL i A
82 Cicada Lodge Northern Territory
71 QT Sydney
AU St ri A
58 Sans Souci Vienna
B e L iZe
48 El Secreto Ambergris Caye
B H UtA n
77 Gangtey Goenpa Lodge
Wangdue
BrAZiL
66 Botanique Mantiqueira
Mountains
71 Copacabana Palace Rio de
Janeiro

eng L A nD
22 Ace Hotel London
London
85 Claridges London
84 The Dorchester London
41 The Idle Rocks Cornwall
1 4 The London Edition London
79 The Ritz London
72 Rosewood London London
42 Watergate Bay Hotel Cornwall
87 The Wild Rabbit Cotswolds
F r A nC e
26 Chteau Le Thil Bordeaux
15 Domaine de la Baume Provence
43 Domaine de Murtoli Corsica
60 Grand Hotel du Palais Royal Paris
85 Le Bristol Paris
30 One Fine Stay Paris
g er MA nY
72 Das Stue Berlin
43 Schloss Elmau Bavaria

CAM B O Di A
64 Maison Polanka Siem Reap

g r eeC e
38 Iconic Santorini Santorini

CAn ADA
12 Fogo Island Inn Newfoundland
54 Four Seasons Toronto Toronto

iC eL A nD
19 Ion Thingvellir National Park

CAriBB e An
13 Great House, Necker Island
British Virgin Islands
50 Hotel Saint-Barth Isle de
France Saint Barths
46 Parrot Cay Turks and Caicos
48 Sugar Beach St Lucia
22 The Trident Jamaica
CH iLe
19 Refugia Chilo Island
14 Tierra Patagonia Torres del Paine
CH in A
65 Anantara Xishuangbanna
Xishuangbanna
79 Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong
Hong Kong
56 Mandarin Oriental Pudong,
Shanghai Shanghai
85 The Peninsula Hong Kong
Hong Kong
De n MAr K
73 DAngleterre Copenhagen

inD iA
80 Chamba Camp Ladakh
28 Sukoon Srinagar
64 Vivanta by Taj Madikeri Coorg
inD OneS iA
21 Luna2 Studios Bali
itA LY
12 Aman Canal Grande Venice
72 La Bandita Townhouse Pienza
73 The Gritti Palace Venice
56 JK Place Roma Rome
36 Il Pellicano Porto Ercole
JA pA n
4 1 Kai Hakone Hakone
70 Palace Hotel Tokyo Tokyo
K enYA
81 Mahali Mzuri Motorogi
Conservancy
28 Ol Jogi Nanyuki
82 Segera Retreat Laikipia

M ADAgASCAr
15 Constance Tsarabanjina
M AL AYSiA
73 Hotel Majestic Kuala Lumpur
M ALDiVeS
26 Coco Priv Kuda Hithi
North Male Atoll
M AUr itiUS
47 St Regis Mauritius
Le Morne Peninsula
M e X iCO
81 Escondido Puerto Escondido
M OrOCCO
35 Fellah Hotel Marrakesh
n etHer L An DS
22 Andaz Amsterdam Amsterdam
n eW Z e AL An D
41 The Oyster Inn Waiheke Island
n iCAr AgUA
47 Mukul Rivas
pAn AM A
50 Isla Palenque Chiriqui
67 El Otro Lado Portobelo Bay
per U
55 Hotel B Lima
pUertO r iCO
46 Dorado Beach Dorado
r USSiA
70 Four Seasons Lion Palace
St Petersburg
SCOtL An D
18 The Inn at John OGroats
John OGroats
SeYC HeLLeS
65 Fregate Island Private
SOUtH AF r iCA
42 Grootbos Private Nature
Reserve Walker Bay
27 Singita Castleton
Sabi Sand Reserve

SpAin
38 Castell Son Claret Mallorca
58 Mercer Barcelona Barcelona
21 Only You Madrid Madrid
87 Torralbenc Menorca
24 Ushuaia Tower Ibiza
SWeDen
30 Island Lodge Stockholm
Archipelago
SWitZ er L An D
76 The Alpina Gstaad Gstaad
76 La Corde des Alpes Verbier
tAn Z An iA
82 Singita Mara River Tented
Camp Singita Lamai
tHAiL An D
18 Iniala Beach House Phuket
13 The Siam Bangkok
tUr K eY
30 Armaggan Bosporus Suites
Istanbul
36 Shangri-La Bosphorus Istanbul
Un iteD Ar AB eMi rAteS
24 The Oberoi Dubai Dubai
USA
84 The Beverly Hills Hotel
Los Angeles
38 El Encanto Santa Barbara
79 The Hay-Adams Washington
77 Hotel Jerome Aspen
55 The Langham Chicago Chicago
24 The Marlton New York
54 Palihouse Santa Monica
Los Angeles
87 Topping Rose House
Bridgehampton
58 Viceroy New York New York
Vietn AM
35 Amanoi Vinh Hy Bay
84 Sofitel Legend Metropole Hanoi
Z AM B iA
80 Chinzombo South Luangwa
National Park

101 BEST HOTELS

ALpHABet iCAL inDe X

A
22 Ace Hotel London England
76 The Alpina Gstaad Switzerland
12 Aman Canal Grande Italy
35 Amanoi Vietnam
65 Anantara Xishuangbanna China
22 Andaz Amsterdam Netherlands
30 Armaggan Bosporus Suites
Turkey
73 DAngleterre Denmark
B
72 La Bandita Townhouse Italy
84 The Beverly Hills Hotel USA
66 Botanique Brazil
85 Le Bristol France
C
38 Castell Son Claret Spain
80 Chamba Camp India
26 Chteau Le Thil France
80 Chinzombo Zambia
82 Cicada Lodge Australia
85 Claridges England
26 Coco Priv Kuda Hithi Maldives
15 Constance Tsarabanjina
Madagascar
71 Copacabana Palace Brazil
76 La Corde des Alpes Switzerland

photograph: Copyright Daily heralD arChive / NMeM / SCieNCe & SoCiety piCture library

D
72 Das Stue Germany
15 Domaine de la Baume France
43 Domaine de Murtoli France
46 Dorado Beach Puerto Rico
84 The Dorchester England
e
38 El Encanto USA
81 Escondido Mexico
F
35 Fellah Hotel Morocco
12 Fogo Island Inn Canada

Index

54 Four Seasons Toronto Canada

70 Four Seasons Lion Palace Russia
65 Fregate Island Private Seychelles

24 The Marlton USA

58 Mercer Barcelona Spain
47 Mukul Nicaragua

g
77 Gangtey Goenpa Lodge Bhutan
27 Grace Cafayate Argentina
60 Grand Hotel du Palais Royal
France
13 Great House, Necker Island
British Virgin Islands
73 The Gritti Palace Italy
42 Grootbos Private Nature
Reserve South Africa

O
24 The Oberoi Dubai UAE
28 Ol Jogi Kenya
30 One Fine Stay France
21 Only You Madrid Spain
67 El Otro Lado Panama
41 The Oyster Inn New Zealand

i
38 Iconic Santorini Greece
41 The Idle Rocks England
18 Iniala Beach House Thailand
18 The Inn at John OGroats Scotland
19 Ion Iceland
50 Isla Palenque Panama
30 Island Lodge Sweden
J
56 JK Place Roma Italy
K
41 Kai Hakone Japan
L
55 The Langham Chicago USA
14 The London Edition England
21 Luna2 Studios Indonesia
M
81 Mahali Mzuri Kenya
64 Maison Polanka Cambodia
79 Mandarin Oriental Hong Kong
Hong Kong
56 Mandarin Oriental Pudong,
Shanghai China

p
70 Palace Hotel Tokyo Japan
54 Palihouse Santa Monica USA
46 Parrot Cay Turks and Caicos
36 Il Pellicano Italy
85 The Peninsula Hong Kong
China
Q
71 QT Australia
r
19 Refugia Chile
79 The Ritz England
72 Rosewood London England
S
82 Singita Mara River Tented Camp
Tanzania
84 Sofitel Legend Metropole
Vietnam
47 St Regis Mauritius Mauritius
48 Sugar Beach St Lucia
28 Sukoon India
t
14 Tierra Patagonia Chile
87 Topping Rose House USA
87 Torralbenc Spain
22 The Trident Jamaica

U
24 Ushuaia Tower Spain
V
58 Viceroy New York USA
64 Vivanta by Taj Madikeri India
W
42 Watergate Bay Hotel England
87 The Wild Rabbit England

How time f lies!

I n f l I g h t e n t e r ta I n m e n t
Anti-DVT squats.

Smoking.

SWImSUItS
The string bikini Maybe if I stand
like this they wont see my wedgie.

I might not be able to spell

bandeau but I look amazing.

haIrStyleS
Perms are back. Yes, really. We promise you
wont look like a poodle. Not even a little bit.

Farrahs flick-tastic thatch.

2014

1974

What do British Airways, Bagpuss and Victoria Beckham have in common? They all hit 40 this year.
Huzzah! But how did we travel in 1974 compared to now? Cue spooky flashback music...

lUggage
By Samsonite the worlds first
wheelie bag (and a whole
new level of airport rage).

The self-propelled case: how to bruise

the ankles of your fellow travellers.

CrUSh
Harry Styles: The hair! The hair!
The... um...

David Cassidy... The flares!

The hair! The flares!

aIrlIne food

nUmber one albUm

Doo-dum-dee-dum-dee-doo... Got it?
The Exorcist theme? From Tubular Bells?

Mike Oldfield is back this year. And here

he is now. Not wearing any pants (we think).

WInter SPortS
This is ski ballet, which was an ACTUAL
Olympic discipline. We feel strongly that
it should be reinstated.

Heli-skiing in Alaska. Yours

for a cool 10,000.

CabIn CreW UnIform

Trousers that
doubled as
parachutes.

To fly. To serve. To wear natty hats.

h o l I d ay l o o K
Is that suncream in your pocket or are
you just pleased to see me?

Tan? Do we look like a Kardashian?

drInK
Herradura tequila, straight up. We
dare you to sip it without grimacing.

Tequila Sunrise, with a garnish so

big it needed its own mortgage.

t I m e t r av e l
Scarf ace. Because you have to wrap
up warm in space.

F***king exterminate this, Dalek, you

f***king souped-up wheelie bin!

120
TAT LE R T RAV E L GU I D E 2 01 4

photographs: alamy, getty, istock, shutterstock. WorDs by georgiNa blackWell & FraNcisca kellett

A KitKat and a scratch card with

you know who. If youre lucky.

Braniff economy class: Three

courses, with real crockery.

we wander for distraction,

but we travel for fulfilment
Hilaire Belloc

Africa 30 years later and we still live it, breathe it, love it.
Allow us to share our passion with you and create your perfect African holiday.

020 7843 3580 www.africatravel.co.uk

Olwen evAns - wilderness sAfAris