Professional Documents
Culture Documents
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOURS
Verbal Behaviours
Passive
You avoid saying what you want,
think, or feel. Apologetic words with
hidden meanings or silence are used
frequently. You allow others to
choose for you.
Assertive
Aggressive
Nonverbal Behaviours
You use actions instead of words.
You hope someone will guess what
you want. You look as though you
dont mean what you say. Your
voice is weak and hesitant. Your
eyes are averted. You look
uncomfortable and appear tense.
To communicate, to be respected.
Win - win
To dominate or humiliate.
Win - lose
Feelings
You feel anxious, ignored, hurt,
manipulated. You are often angry
and resentful later.
Communication Skills
The following lists include strengths and challenges in communication. Identify ONE element
under each category that you believe you need to improve in order to enhance your leadership
communication ability.
Set specific goals for this development now. Now that you have participated in the Personal
Leadership program, how will you develop your communication strengths in the three areas
youve identified from this list?
Listening
I check in with my listeners while I
speak to make sure they are on track
with what I am saying.
When someone speaks with me I am
sure to ask them questions to clarify
what they are saying.
The people whom I speak with find it
easy to accept my point of view.
(persuasive speaker)
When I speak with others I find that
they arent focused on the
conversation or what Im saying and
many times I just have to let the idea
or conversation go because the
listener is in a different space.
I paraphrase what others have said
to me as a way of confirming that Ive
understood what the person speaking
with me has said.
Expression
I clearly convey my ideas.
Rapport
People with whom I speak are eager
to share ideas with me.
Strategies:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________
Use assertive body language. Face the other person, stand or sit straight, don't
use dismissive gestures, be sure you have a pleasant, but serious facial
expression, keep your voice calm and soft, not whiney or abrasive.
Express ownership of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions. Example: "I get angry
when he breaks his promises." instead of "He makes me angry." or "I believe the
best policy is to" instead of "The only sensible thing is to "
Make clear, direct, requests. Don't invite the person to say no. Example: "Will
you please ... ?" instead of "Would you mind ?" or "Why don't you ?"
In difficult situations
Broken record: Keep repeating your point, using a low level, pleasant voice.
Don't get pulled into arguing or trying to explain yourself. This lets you ignore
manipulation, baiting, and irrelevant logic.
Fogging: This is a way to deflect negative, manipulative criticism. You agree
with some of the fact, but retain the right to choose your behavior. Example:
Mom: "You might be right about that, but I still Fogging is great for avoiding
fights and making people stop criticizing.
Content to Process Shift:: This means that you stop talking about the problem
and bring up, instead, how the other person is behaving RIGHT NOW. Use it
when someone's not listening or trying to use humor or a distraction to avoid the
issue. Example: "You're getting off the point. I'm starting to feel frustrated
because I feel like you're not listening."
Defusing: Letting someone cool down before discussing an issue. Example: "I
can see that you're upset, and I can even understand part of your reaction. Let's
talk about this later." Also, if they try to stay with it, you always have the right to
walk away.
Assertive inquiry/stop action: This is similar to the content to process shift.
"Let's hold it for a minute, something isn't working, what just happened? How did
we get into this argument?" This helps to identify the real issue when the
argument is actually about something bigger than the immediate topic.
Summarization: This helps to make sure you're understanding the other person.
Example: "So what you're trying to tell me is ... ."
Specificity: It's really important to be very clear about what you want done. This
helps prevent distractions. Example: "The thing I really wish is that you'd pick
your clothes up off the floor."
(Source: http://www.uiowa.edu/~ucs/asertcom.html)
UCL Personal Leadership Communication Skills
Communication Styles
Relator
Socializer
Thinker
Director
Expressiveness
Directness
The Relater (indirect, open)
Relaters are warm, considerate and sympathetic. They are focused on people and interpersonal
relationships. Relaters are wonderful team players since they are cooperative and easy to work with.
Relaters are great listeners and are always willing to help others. However, their desire to keep everyone
happy may sometimes interfere with getting the job done. Relaters dislike conflict and will try to mollify the
people involved and smooth over the issues. Change can upset relationships as well as work routine.
Relaters can become upset by this, and so need time to adjust to change.
Strengths: listens well, is a good counselor, uses supportive language, builds trust
Potential drawbacks: avoids conflict, gives in easily, keeps opinions to oneself, overemphasizes feelings
How to communicate with a Relater:
Spend the time needed to establish rapport. Feel free to share personal experiences or common
interests.
Avoid being aggressive or pushy.
When discussing issues, focus on how the changes may affect the interrelationships among the staff.
If you are the leader, make sure that the Relaters on your staff are not overburdened or distracted by
other people's problems.
If you're the leader, give the Socializers on your team tasks that require innovation, and invite them to all
the social gatherings. If you've assigned independent or repetitive work to a Socializer, keep a closer eye
on her/him.
SOFTENERS
(modified from Face to Face Communication by Peter Urs Bender)
Lead by example
Maintain the self-esteem and dignity of others
Build and maintain positive relationships