Alexandria (Allye) Baker

Practice & Theory of Meditation

Due: December, 2 2016

MEDITATION JOURNAL AND NOTES

Aug. 26th
In regards to obtaining mindfulness: Wisdomor Mindfulness, is seeing
more deeply into cause and effect and the interconnectedness of things, so
that we are no longer caught in a dream-dictated reality of our own creation.
To find our way, we will need to pay more attention to this moment. Be
present. Mindfulness has to do above all with attention and awarenessand
meditation is the process by which we go about deepening our attention and
awareness, refining them, and putting them to greater potential use in our
lives Notes from the book, Wherever You Go, There You Are
How often are we awake? Instead of judging whats on your mind, start
observing. Your mind wanders, not people. How do we come back; what
anchors do you have that you can use?
Whatever works to anchor/help keep you rooted:
-Breath: three-part breath, diaphragm breathing, and Ojai.
-Object: watching a singular object to focus on meditation, i.e., candle.
-Word/phrase/Mantra

Todays Meditation
Closing your eyes now, in a room full of people. It can be scary, but it
doesnt need to; its okay Lin Ostler, during first class meditation of the
semester.
That statement made me tear up a bit, maybe because I feel very
vulnerable the majority of the time. My emotions from the statement helped
me to become more aware of my insecurities. Also, during this meditation, I
imagined my bones under my skin, and each major blood vessel pumping
throughout my body. I could feel and almost hear my blood flow; it was
soothingly alien to me.

Sep. 2nd
Mindfulness is offering yourself to the senses of the present. Paying attention
on purpose and not judgmentally; acceptance of present moment/reality.
Commit fully to being present; were not forcing ourselves to be judgmental,
calm, or stillsimply invite ourselves to interface balance/mindfulness; work
with what is present now.
Todays Meditation

Im noticing when my thoughts take over my meditation, sooner that I

have noticed in the past. Once I become aware that Im thinking about
something other than what Im doing, I remind myself of the floor beneath
me, along with the tingling sensations I feel from imagining the flow of my
blood. I begin to analyze the grooves in the floor (specifically this carpet),
and feel that warmth emitting from below. I put in place a specific intention
for my heart to be kind to myself. I feel my shoulders relax, and the feeling of
certain necessities disappear. I no longer feel the need for perfect posture,
during this meditation, oh which I find immensely painful. By relaxing more, I
can focus better on meditating and controlling my thoughts.

Sep. 9th:
I could not sacrifice the bloom of the present moment Henry David
Thoreau
Breath Anchors used: three-part breath, diaphragm breathing, and Ojai.
Todays Meditation
Like with all my other meditations, it seems the hardest part is getting
pass the backpain. The pain trickling down my spine, and to my lower back,
keeps me from my thoughts (or lack thereof). I find that I keep myself from
stretching, and moving while Im trying to meditate, which, in turn, makes it
that much harder to meditate. So, I decided to let myself slowly stretch, with
my breathing, instead of forcing myself to be still. That eventually helped

keep my mind focused on meditating, and I began subconsciously stretching,

having allowed myself to be more at ease.
I almost completely blocked out your voice while you were talking; the
sound of your voice helped me keep focused on just being inside the
classroom, and seemed to put me in a trance like state. Your voice, and your
words I was subconsciously taking in, were comforting, and reassuring that
its a safe place to meditate, and I can let my guard, and hyper-sensitivity
senses down.
The last meditation we did was only seven minutes, but this time I tried
it laying on my back with my legs elevated. It was less painful initially, but I
became more distracted. Im not sure if it was because it was the last
meditation of the class, and I was aware of the fact, or that I was in less pain,
and in a different position; maybe all the above. Either way, Im going to
have to keep practicing it, however, I dont think I can do it laying down at
home without falling asleep.

Sep. 23rd (Fall Equinox):

R.A.I.N. Meditation (notes)

Realize: Becoming present

Allow: Dont judge, observe

Infinite: In retrograde, go within, not doing, just feeling [whats going on in

your body]

Nurture: Neuro-net connection; you are whole in this moment.

Neuro-net connection from your hand(s) to your heart, and nurture yourself;
you are perfect in this moment, and that is the only moment there is. If you
cant imagine yourself saying these things imagine someone whom you can;
i.e., Grandma, parents, Treebeard, Beethoven, etc. Nurturance comes with
the choice of meditation.
Todays Meditations
I never knew how comforting it could be to simply hold your hand(s)
against your heart. It made me feel vulnerable. I felt almost the same (if not
exactly) as when I would get hurt and my mom or Grandma would hold me,
as a child. Trying to feel the moment, and be present, was a lot easier with
my hand on my heart. You singing the mantra, Om Na Mai Shiva(?) echoed
throughout my body, and was that much more intense with my hand to my
heart. This meditation made me cry, but as Gandalf says, Not all tears are a
form of evil!
It was a lot easier to balance than it usually is for me. Slowly finding
my center, and then realizing each foot was the key to finding my balance,
for sure. I would like to try balancing meditation more. The image of the
golden balls between my joints, filled with helium, made my hand go numb,
but thats the only part of my body I could get that imagery to really work on.
It was awesome.
Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Mary Oliver
Sep. 30th:
-Its our way of seeing which creates and maintains separation-

Metta Loving-Kindness Meditation: Benefits you by refining, and expanding

your emotional being in ongoing interconnectednessstretching the edges
of your knowing consciousness.
Start by wishing love, and kindness to:
-Me: may I feel loved, and be free from harm, and sickness inside, and out.
-Someone/thing special: to imagine and offer love to (Beethoven, my dog,
and Louie, my cat).
-Meaningful person: Grandma, Mom, and Dad.
-Neutral person: someone you see, but dont really know (Neighbor, or
unknown familiar face).
-Difficult/challenged relationship: someone hard to love (girl who slept with
my ex-boyfriend).
-Neighborhood, city, apartment: branching out to eventually wishing love,
and kindness to all.
Todays Meditation
Im not sure if its because Im more tired than usual, but I felt like I
was mentally checking out to the point I had the same feeling I get before
Im about to faint (I use to faint a lot as a kid). Imagining a glowing golden
ball, like the egg in Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, as it was
growing inside my heart; I could really feel its warmth. When we got to the
point where we were giving some of that loving-kindness to someone we
dont particularly like I imagined the glowing golden ball in my heart almost
completely disappear. Eventually, I was able to recover the glow, but it
required much more focus, as the persons image literally changes me
physiologically, because of the overwhelming embrace of disgust and
disappointment alike (toward both her and myself). This is a particularly
important meditation to work on, due to the insignificance, and negativity I

feel when I think of this person. If I can fully, consciously, and unconsciously
love myself I will be able to fully love, or at the very least, humbly accept
everything else.
-Not healing the world, but honoring them, and being aware of their
existence-

Oct. 21st:
We are the night filled with glints of light, between the fish, and the moon;
while we sit here together Rumi
Why is it we choose language to express how we feel?
The River water moving in all rivers at onceare you jealous of the oceans
generosity?
fish swim in the huge, fluid freedom.
The above passages genuinely brought me gentle tears of appreciation of
beauty, and simplicity.
Todays Meditations
The first thought that came to mind was thinking itself. When you
asked to be aware of what the first thought was to come to our minds, my
thoughts were, what am I thinking? After the initial discomfort of moving
from my back to my stomach, I felt a cold release from the bottom of my
spine, up to my neck, and then my jaw; all places, of which hurt on a daily
basis. Once we rolled back over, from stomach to back I felt a warm energy
(or inner-tingling sensation) flow from the bottom of my jaw, down my spine,
until the top of my naval. Upon rolling over to my back that energy was
release, and perhaps mixed with what was still cold, and left a perfection of
temperature and overall comfort throughout the mentioned areas.

The beginning of the second meditation of the day, in imagining the

energy of the earth cradling me as I lay on my back, I felt like my body was
settling into the floor like kicked up dirt finally resting back to the ground. It
was soothing, but with a sort of cold comfort, much like resting upon fall
leaves.

Oct. 28th:
Dont hide the candle of your clarity, standup, and burn into the night.
Rumi
When we are sitting by the fire, or with our breathing, trust the message of
your own life, mind, and feelingsstumble upon an ancient stillness.
-Wherever You Go, There You Are

Todays Thoughts (no meditation)

Do you hide your innate talents for fear of?
-Yes, for fear of rejection by others, or letting myself down in the process. Im
never truly satisfied in the work I put into things, such as, my art, and my
music. I feel like Im an un-consenting contestant in a competition.
Do you realize that freedom and choice is essential to your development?
-Yes, definitely; by working on yourself to become a better team player within
society, as well as an adjusted member you must focus on you, and no one
else. Its not a very free answer, but I have had [some say excessive] limits
of freedom my entire life, and such an answer comes too naturally to me.
However, I feel a chance for a wider range of freedom of thought is
extremely beneficial, to be able to establish your own ideals, and not
someone elses, as well as testing out the waters of your own cognizance
and not looking to someone constantly for guidance and approval.

Are you confident in your ability to make good changes?

-I try to choose equal compassion for myself, and others. Instead of worrying
about every little thing that comes to mind, I focus on the things I can
control, and apply the good I have available in me in making any changes, or
at least regulating my feelings towards them.

Nov. 4th:
There is no point in trying to deceive the heart, it depends on honesty for
survival -Leo Buscal
Agape: Highest form of loveunconditional love, shown through your
actions.
Felio: Love that you have, thats committed, but platonic.
Storgo: Familial love, and devotion.
Eros: Romantic, passionate, and bright; a love that will burn itself out.
Consider, the honeymoon phase, or the Garden of Eden, where everything
is perfectfor a time.
Bhakti: Devotion, dedicating your life to some form of divine love, or
spirituality; the love of the higher self.
Do you allow yourself a sense of peace through creativity that allows you to
cultivate peace?
What makes your heart sing?
What are you unwilling to feel, experience, or surrender?
Do you love sharing things you love with others?
Todays Meditation
Heart Chakra Meditation: Bhakti to our meditation

The first question I embodied was, Can I share the things I love with
others, even with others that I love? The answer, truthfully, was no; I have
never fully shared my love of peace, nature, music, art, and knowledge with
anyone but myself. I asked myself why, and my heart told me it was because
I cannot put a consistent faith in trusting others, even those I truly love. Then
after this realization (as I have never thought about it before) and
acceptance of this deep truth, I asked, can I trust myself? Yes, although Im
not sure that I consciously do, and its a constant struggle, especially
differentiating between my subconscious fears, and past programming, and
my own intuition. However, I feel, and believe, and know that I can trust
myself, and that I must, in order to heal, and be able to fully love, and trust
others. I thought of how Ive become to lose my trust in those Ive loved, as I
dont believe thats been the case forever. I think that Ive reached a point
where I innately block the divine trust towards anything new, and therefore
has inevitably led to me doing so to the things I use to trust as well. This,
perhaps, is because of the betrayal, and cruelty of others, and even past
experiences within my own family circle that have led me to subconsciously
lump their potentially misplaced actions with those of others. I have
systematically let the intentional, and perhaps nonintentional malicious
thoughts, and behaviors of others, affect me negatively by blocking the
genuine love, trust, forgiveness, and humility I have for others, as well as
myself.
The most profound part of this meditation was at the very end, when
you asked to allow ourselves one last question before classs end. My heart,
and mind immediately thought/said/felt, I love you to myself. In the short,
yet seemingly long, twenty-four years I have been alive I have honestly
never ever thought or said that to myself with complete honesty. I have tried
to say it to myself in the past purposefully, but I have never genuinely
believed myself, or felt any love for myself; this time I did.

10

I imagined the light radiance of green flow, and expand from my heart,
up my throat, and into the labyrinth of my mind, swiveling through the tiny
crevasses of my brain nodes, like a cool, green sand being poured into an ant
maze. Once the greenness was one with the naturally pink within my brain, I
felt, and envisioned my heart budding as a rose, and becoming fuller as they
do when exposed to the right amount of sunlight; I watched with my eyes
closed, as it illuminated my chest, and collided with the star-like particles of
green found above. Thank you.

Nov. 11th:
What is it I need to ask myself that I am afraid to say? What do I need to day
to find my voice; what is my secret chord? What is it youre afraid of to
speak, that you could say to the world, and the self?
What I need to say, Everyone just be quiet. Just stop, and breathe. I
love you all, the big, and the small; caught between the fork of it allwhat
paths that we might take, lead back again. There is no mistake, but time, and
time again.
It is important that awake people be AWAKE, or a breaking line may
discourage them back to sleep. The signals we give: yes, no, or maybe,
should be CLEAR. The darkness around is deep. We have to shine, and let
that crack open up, and have that light shine through.
Meditate to Hear in Silence
Todays Meditation
When the wind instrument, (clarinet, or oboe?) began in the song, Singing in
Tongues, I thought, we are all here and we are all alone, but I felt no
sadness about it. It was a relief almost, in that we only have ourselves to
answer to, and to work on, or with. In the end, we are only within ourselves,

11

and we must be comfortable there, above anywhere else, and at peace,

holding a loving, self-aware, and nurtured mind therein.

Nov. 18th: Third-Eye Chakra notes, analyzation, and meditation

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti
Om Peace, Peace, Peace
Third-Eye/Brow Chakra/Anja:
Represents things that dont show up in other chakras, such has insight,
intellect, looking-in, imagination, intuition, wisdom, perception, your vision of
how you want your life to be. discernment (feeling/knowing something and
making a choice about it); waking our minds from what weve been told to
do, to what we discern to be true to us. Its embodied word is, OM. Om can be
interpreted as several different meanings, but in the simplest of terms
means, the higher self, and life; the next page I will briefly describe some of
the other meanings particular to various cultures. Other key identifiers with
the Third-Eye Chakra are:
Color: Blue/Violet
Being: Shikina, the female face of God, and Shiva in Hinduism
Animal: Hawk
Plant: Almond Blossom
Place: Peru, and the Rocky Mountains
Astral Body: Moon
Physical Body: Pituitary Gland (the master organ that keeps everything in
balance)
Stone/Gem/Crystal: Amethyst
Sense: Intuition
Can you look at the challenges, and experiences for wisdom? Can you
discern what is valuable, and beautiful within yourself? Can you imagine
being loved, and cherished in a way that respects who you are? Are you
willing to tap in to the storehouse of knowing available to you?

12

Stimulate your mind with good books, films, and experiences; knowledge is
a survival tool for your soul.

Todays Meditation
The sound of waves transferred in my mind to the rustling of leaves.
The image of dark green trees in a perfectly crowded forest emitted a soft
deep purple, dusty glow, getting lighter as the they reached the sky above
their home. The immediate imagery I received from this meditation, guided
by the sound of the Oceans waves, was very comforting, and relieving to be
something other than the ocean, as I havent had any good experiences
there.

13

The Aitareya Brahmana of Rig Veda suggests that the three phonetic
components of Om (pronounced AUM) correspond to the three stages of
cosmic creation, and when it is read or said, it celebrates the creative powers
of the universe. The Upanishads have several connotations as well, including:
The sacred sound, the Vedas, the Udgitha (song of the universe), the infinite,
the all-encompassing, the whole world, the truth, the ultimate reality, the
finest essence, the cause of the Universe, the essence of life, the Brahman,
the Atman, the vehicle of deepest knowledge, and Self-knowledge. In regards
to Shvetashvatara Upanishad, the folling referenced text claims, Om as a
tool of meditation, empowering one to know the God within oneself, to
realize one's Atman (Soul, Self).

14

Devanagari,
Jain symbol
Gujarati Assamese

Assamese,
Bengali, Oriya

Arya Samaj
Malayalam

Tibet

Siddham

Kannada

Bali, Indonesia

Telugu

Java, Indonesia

Grantha

Chinese

Tamil

Bibliography
For Om:
(Paul Deussen, Sixty Upanishads of the Veda, Volume 1, Motilal Banarsidass).
(Robert Hume (1921), Shvetashvatara Upanishad 1.14 1.16, The Thirteen
Principal Upanishads).

15

(Aitareya Brahmana 5.32, Rig Veda, pages 139-140 (Sanskrit); English

translation: Arthur Berriedale Keith (1920). The Aitareya and Kautaki
Brhmaas of the Rigveda).

16

17

Thank you,
Lin for
being an
important
stepping
stone in
18

my path to
the higherself
With love, &
gratitude, Allye.

19