Chi Pham

UWP 1
11/30/2016
A Story about My Aunt
I have always been curious about my aunt, who is such a beautiful and educated woman,
did not get married. As an inquisitive child, I often asked about her and later on, get to retell her
story through my perception Through the accounts from my grandma, I had come to learn that
my aunt, in fact, did want to find the ideal man who she could share a life together, but the
circumstances at the time undermined her familial vision. She was born into the era of social
upheaval. The exhausting Vietnam War, along with the familial burden and the outdated social
hierarchy that was molded into place by the conservative tradition, created instabilities within the
Vietnamese society that ravaged many peoples lives. My aunt was one of those faceless victims,
forced to give up her desire for companionship and instead settle for solitude. When I was 15,
right before I began my study abroad program, I started this research writing about her life
journey as a project to improve my English. The project started out as a simple bibliography, but
as I continue on writing, I got to connect more with not just my aunt, but also my culture and
ultimately myself.
The first thing I did was collecting data (stories) from all my family members and from
my aunt herself. After a while, I noticed that every story I heard always include at least one or
two side tracks about the life back then or the it was a different time and listening to these
side tracks got me curious about exploring my history. Also, I was feeling a bit disconnected with
those stories, struggling with understanding the reasons why people behave the way they did. I

went out to consult the librarys history books and the Google database on Vietnams society
during the late 1900s. I learned that during Vietnam War, when the American culture began to
spread, many people adopted the new wave of modern trends. Movies and books became more
accessible. The number of women looking for jobs or attending school rose dramatically.
However, there were a sense of caution lurking in the mind of every Vietnamese. In the past, a
good-matched marriage is every womans ideal, but now, more woman, especially the educated
ones, rather live a comfortable, self-reliant life. Such development created a syncretism in
paradoxical cultures which handed the younger generations the delicate task of balancing and
ultimately choosing between the old and the new. The new American customs is exciting as the
media often propagandized while traditional is a multi-generational heritage that is instilled in
every Vietnamese.
Having the extra history/cultural background gradually helped me further understand and
related to my aunts experience. I finally manage to sort through the inconsistencies between the
stories I heard. As I doing the cultural research, I continued on with my writing of my aunts
bibliography, with fresh eyes. Her first exposure to Western ideologies was not too impressive.
When she was in school, she met a few female teachers who, inspired by the innovative spirit of
modernity, preached to her about gender equality. Although, their position on gender roles left
her incredulous. I speculated that, perhaps at the time, feminism was just a fad, and was therefore
often abused by the so-called intellectuals who only discussed it to boast their knowledge of the
Western culture. My aunt probably grouped them into the same category because although their
speeches on widening opportunities for women were appealing, they were ultimately
unconvincing. On the other hand, the accumulating American influence in Vietnam did leave

numerous positive changes, such the industrialization of the agricultural-based economy and the
alleviation of the rigidly gender expectation that presides in the patriarchal society.
During the process of researching/writing about my aunts life and the Vietnamese
history, I started to reflect on myself and my future. Staring at my work-in-progress paper, I see
myself in my aunt and many other women during her times. I see myself facing the same
dilemma they faced. I do not have a definite vision of the future to be honest. For me, it is
something so fragile and vague, forever ever-changing as I matured with age and redefined my
identity. However, I always imagine going into an occupation that will enable me financial
stability, even if it might not be a career that I am passionate about. I have this intimate
connection to Literature; after this project, creative writing became major component in my life.
It was not only a therapeutic way to channel my experience through the facades of refined
characters, brushstrokes and woven language, but also a voice for me to articulate my
perceptions of the most universal themes, from the structure of social hierarchy to the struggle
for identity under the bridle of conformity. I felt this incredible rush of intrigue every time I
encountered fictions that truly touch my heart, or as I painted on paper the most inspiring of
stories and beautiful of tales, such as my aunts. However, the tradition expectation instilled in
me this need for stability in life that I couldnt overcome. As the oldest female child with two
little brothers, I was taught to put my parents desires before my own. There is this burden of that
I cannot just let go of to pursue my ambition. It was a duty for Vietnamese women to be able to
provide for their parents when they grew old, and the prospect of becoming an author or
pursuing a career in the Humanities a field where career is blurred path of fragile tiles with not
even a glimpse of an end goal in Vietnam is a luxury I cannot afford, for it will be hard to
provide the stability I need to fulfill my responsibilities.

I do consider myself a feminist. I believe that, in todays society, women should have the
option to pursue the same opportunities men have. I do not believe in forcing women into molds
they do not want to conform to, then they should have the option to pursue what their passion
drives them. In today society, obsolete social construes like gender roles and gender
discrimination should not be a predominant factor in the distribution of opportunities. Women
should not be still a victim of the traditional standard they are forced to conform. They should
have the opportunities to pursue whatever characters and aspects they best identify with. This
project had enabled me to improve my English skill, and in the process I learned about womens
roles and positions in Vietnam. In retelling my aunts story, I sharing my experience and insight.
It is also my open letter to defense womens rights and to ask for liberation of genders
expectation for every other woman in this 21st century and, specifically, for myself:
Do not let societal expectation and the framework of traditional womanhood from your
culture be the defining essence of who you are, if that is not what you have envisioned yourself
to become. In the deepest corner of your mind, there is the threshold to another utopia of perfect
lines and unleashed dreams awaits. Do not conform to the pressure, be true to yourself, and let
your heart be your compass. Most importantly, no matter what, love you for who you are and
who you become. Do not let anxiety over a distant, uncertain future dominated your decision
because eventually, even when submerged in success, fame, and pseudo-happiness, you will
regret the decisions made under a pretense of stability that doesnt embrace your understanding
of self for it will make you hate the person you have become. Learn to embrace, and love the
identity you have struggle to achieve, and that have transformed you forever.
Lastly, do not let anyone silent your voice or step over you or maneuvered you into
whatever doing what they want, like a marionette tangled in invisible strings. Follow the

examples of women that stood generations before you who have struggled against the
conventional grains of conservative disapprovals and prejudices to fight for what they believed
in woman suffrage and the rights to be themselves and let your voice be heard.