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Corinna Chavez
Professor Olivas
11/11/16
English 101
Isolation and Desperation
Lying in bed staring at the ceiling fan rotate and shake tears stream down her face and
drip onto the pillow. She softly sobs and gasps for air which breaks the never-ending silence she
puts her hands over her mouth afraid she will wake him up with her sorrow. There is an
emptiness that can never be filled. Rolling over to her side, she sees him lying next to her,
looking at his head on the pillow she reminisces at what once was. She remembers the sweet
words he would whisper into her ear every night before she closed her eyes and fell into a deep
slumber. She thinks back to the nights when they would stay up till three a.m. talking about their
love and how the universe had brought them two together through destiny. She misses hearing
his heartbeat and the warmth of his skin on hers as she lay on his chest, the way he used to run
his fingers through her hair, and the calming way his soft kisses soothed her to sleep. She misses
the mornings when she would wake up excited to look into his eyes again and feel the passion
they once had for one another. Never has she felt so alone and isolated within her marriage, this
loneliness is not the everyday type of alone where seeing a good friend can make her cheer up
and forget about the sadness, but the loneliness that brings a sharp pain to her heart. The pain that
unforgivingly eats away at her soul every day and can never be cured. Looking into the darkness
she fears that she will never love this man the way she once did, he will never look at her the
way he used to and that this pain will never cease to exist. That this, this moment in her life will
be her forever, and that she will never attain the fairytale ending she had always dreamed of.

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Everyone believes that within a marriage there is no way that one could feel lonely when in
reality it occurs in many marriages and not only destroys the marriage but the people within the
relationship as well.
Experiencing loneliness and heartbreak is something that happens to everyone in their
lifetime. According to Guy Winch Ph.D. from Phycology Today roughly 20% of the general
population suffers from chronic loneliness at any given time, and in one recent study of older
adults,62.5% of people who reported being lonely were married and living with their
partner(Winch).Whether one likes to admit it or not, they have felt completely alone and
isolated from the rest of the world. The sinking feeling that makes one feel empty, depressed, and
hopeless. Many people see a certain person as an antidote for their loneliness, some turn to drug
or alcohol abuse, others see no other way out but death. When humans are born into this world
there is an immediate need for attention, affection, and most of all love. According to phycologist
Aaron Ben-Zeev, the researchers Roy Baumeister and Mark Leary found, Human beings are
naturally driven toward establishing and sustaining belongingness." Hence, "people should
generally be at least as reluctant to break social bonds as they are eager to form them in the first
place." They also stated that for this reason many people are not willing to end detrimental
relationships they have. Baumeister and Leary state that belongingness is vital if romantic love
is to create bliss, and in romantic belongingness mutuality is indispensable. People prefer
relationships in which both individuals give and receive care, shared feelings and emotions
strengthen the romantic relationship. Unequal involvement is a strong foretelling of a doomed
relationship. When both partners are equally involved in the relationship, the probability of their
relationship lasting increases. Studies that compared people who received love without giving it
and people who gave love without receiving it found that both groups tended to describe the

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experience as adverse. (Baumeister and Leary).Apparently, "love is highly satisfying and

desirable only if it is mutual." Hence, when love "arises without belongingness, as in unrequited
love, the result is typically distress and disappointment"( Baumeister and Leary).
When entering a marriage there is always the chance that the relationship will not end
well, statistics show that one out of every two marriages end in divorce. Although unfortunate
this fact goes to show that the idea of marriage and the actual marriage are two totally different
things. There are many reasons why marriages end in divorce; they can vary from infidelity to
the simple reason of just falling out of love with ones partner. There are facts backing these
reasons, they show that no matter how hard one party may try, it takes both parties working
mutually for a better relationship together. When reading the article Top Reasons Couples Fall
Out of Love by Margarita Tartakousky, Ph.D. there are several main reasons as to why couples
lose the once fiery love they had for one another. The first reason being the fact that they no
longer meet each others needs, according to Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D at the beginning of a
relationship people are attracted to each others traits But over time their needs go unmetor
the traits they were attracted to have no become intolerable. (Psych Central) This explains a lot,
for instance a woman may find her husbands friendliness as a good thing that he is sociable and
makes friends with everyone he meets, but over time she can begin to see this as flirting with
other women whether it be intentional or not. This can lead to problems in the marriage if the
wife never conveys her feelings to her husband, which is another problem listed; avoiding
conflict.
The second reason is that the honeymoon phase is over over time the lust, excitement,
and pride in your partner also fades (Orenstein) it is said that many couples mistake this as
thinking they are not in love anymore. This shifts their mindset into the thought of being alone

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and not wanting to be in a relationship any longer, at least with the person they have fallen out
of love with. As this occurs many take their partners for granted as real life sets in. Taking ones
spouse for granted creates a set of problems on its own. The lover they were once proud and
lucky to have becomes someone in their everyday life, making them seem unimportant, as if they
are no longer special to one another.
Psychology suggests that humans may actually have a mental mechanism in place for
severing the emotional bond between partners. (Review of General Psychology) . Primary mate
ejection is a theory that has been developed; this theory tries to link the rejection of ones partner
to the chemical makeup of the human brain. Authors Brian Boutwell of Saint Louis University,
J.C. Barnes of the University of Cincinnati and Kevin Beaver of Florida State University state
that this theory and concept of a mate ejection module is not a new discovery but one that has
been developing over the years. Boutwell and his colleagues examined some of the neurological
underpinnings of romantic love, including fMRI studies (Vitelli). These researchers showed that
the pathways related to love in the human show a strong resemblance to the pathways that are
linked to addiction. These pathways include the orbitofrontal and the prefrontal cortex, right
ventral tegmental area, and the ventral striatum, all of which involve reward or pleasure areas of
the brain. The love-addiction link also helps the explain the acute distress that people feel when
rejected by a romantic partner, as well as why stalkers have so much trouble letting go of their
romantic feelings. (Boutwell). The feelings associated with being rejected by a partner have the
same effect on the brain as drug withdrawal. A study done focused on the biochemistry of taking
anti-depressants in men may be linked to their infidelity, due to the suppressing of romantic
feelings which is caused by the lowering of testosterone. Much of the problems that do stem

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from romance can be explained by the chemistry in human brains as well as their biological
makeup.
The short story Cat in the Rain gave perfect examples of the loneliness and isolation
one can feel within a marriage. The simple story that unfolds before the readers eyes has a
deeper meaning than what is on the surface. The story paints a vivid picture, in which the two
main characters are stuck in this sad reality of being discontent with their marriage. Ernest
Hemingway writes about the American wife wanting more, she wants to feel wanted,
appreciated, and as if she's of number one importance. Within the story is the idea of the wife
wanting a cat that she had seen out in the rain. It seems as if it is such a trivial topic to discuss,
but there is tension when it is brought up among the couple. The husbands apathy towards the
wifes wants and needs is evident in the text. Im going down to get that kitty, the American
wife said. Ill do it, her husband offered from the bed (Hemmingway). The message is very
clear, the husband does not want to go down and get that kitty, he could care less about the
subject and stays in bed reading while the wife goes down to fetch the cat. The American
husband does not care enough to even sit up as he offers, he continues to read his book. This is a
simple message that is sent, but one that is easy to see. This occurs often within marriage, as
stated earlier partners often take their spouse for granted and no longer feel the need to treat them
as they did in the beginning of the relationship. This creates a divide between married couples
which can destroy the marriage from within.
Wondering eyes can be a deceitful thing, when feeling ignored, unwanted, uncared for
one may seek out the attention of another man or woman. The need for companionship is vital to
the human brain as well as overall health. This need for love and care can incite a spark within
individuals causing them to act hastily and out of character. An example of this can also be seen

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within the text of Cat in the Rain. The whole time the American wife had glanced at the hotelkeeper. She liked the way he made her felt, the way he held himself, and the way he looked as
well. Hemmingway described the woman as feeling very small and very important at the same
time really important. She had a momentary feelings of supreme importance. (Hemmingway).
She felt this due to the neglect she had been receiving from her husband who no longer seemed
to care of pay any mind to her. She drifted, and found the attention she had been wanting in a
complete stranger, who she had exchanged few words with. This one random individual gave her
a sense of being, something her husband failed to give her. As the story continues, the woman
and her husband experience a heated argument over her desire for the cat, and her want for
longer hair, such simple things create such tension which is seen as a negative thing.
However, the most significant part of the story is when the maid brings the cat to the
American couples room and presents the wife with the cat and states the padrone asked me to
bring this to the Signora. (Hemingway). This scene proved that someone else had seen the wife
more clearly than her own husband. The hotel-keeper felt the wifes want and desire for the cat,
and how much it meant to her. He saw that the cat was one thing that would make the wife
happy, something she truly wanted.
When looking in on marriage from the outside, third parties sometimes may see the
problems occurring within the relationship even better than the couple themselves. The problems
stem from within the relationship and continue to grow, and may eventually lead to the end of the
relationship all together.

Many people will say that marriage is for life, that the person one

married is their forever and that there is no giving up on it. They see the loneliness as an
excuse to explain ones owns shortcomings in the relationship. They might even reason as to
what are you doing wrong? and that it is nobody elses fault but their own. There are many

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ways to avoid this in marriage as many would say and that there is a solution to this problem.
Going to see marital counselor is very beneficial, find same hobbies/interests between both
parties and create a bond between the couple. Reignite the fire that once was, do not forget how
in love they were at the beginning of the marriage is a lot of the things people will say to the
couple who is falling out of love with one another. The solutions to fixing a broken relationship
seem so simple to people looking in from the outside. Sometimes shattered relationships are
fixable, and can be brought back to life with the help and love from each spouse.
And yet, at other times, the damage is too beyond repair and there is nothing that can be
done to salvage what is left. When one is truly and utterly alone, they soon realize that this
feeling of loneliness occurred within the marriage, even while having someone they loved by
their side. Love is very fragile, nerve-wracking, and uncertain. But the chance of being happy
and living out ones life with their soulmate by their side is worth the risk of being heartbroken
and lonely.
People defy the statistics and prove that there really is true love in the world and that
there will always be love. Soulmates do exist and are waiting to meet the love of their life. There
is an excitement that comes with love that can only be felt by the two people in the relationship.
Love is a beautiful and brings happiness to all that experience it. Love is not something that can
be bought or sold, but it is created between two people who chose to work on perfecting it so that
it can last a lifetime.

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Works Cited

Guy, Winch, Ph.D. "Together but Still Lonely." Psychology Today. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Nov. 2016.
Hemingway,Ernest. Cat in the Rain. S.I.:S.n., n.d. Print.
Bella DePaulo, Ph.D. By Ellen Hendriksen, By Deborah Carr Ph.D., and RDN By Susan
McQuillan M.S. "Psychology Today." Loneliness | Psychology Today. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Nov.
2016.
Tartakousky, Margarita. "Top Reasons Couples Fall Out of Love | World of Psychology." World
of Psychology. N.p., 2014. Web. 10 Nov. 2016.
Vitelli, Romeo, Ph.D. "How We Fall Out of Love." Psychology Today. N.p., n.d. Web. 11 Nov.
2016.