Ok, so I think I've got everyone on here that asked me to share my thoughts on

the show. I'm sending this privately out of respect for the band, as the record ain't
out yet. It's definitely long, but I'm longwinded and I love this music a lot and the
whole thing was really an emotional experience for me! Feel free to ignore this if it
proves uninteresting. Please forgive ANY typos or grammatical errors as I am
fucking TIRED.
So, often, when considering my opinion on Stephins songs I wonder if Im too
biased to be reporting them in any way. Not to be immodest, though, but I think
that I am familiar enough with the material that my opinion should have SOME
weight to it, even considering this bias. All that is to say this: I really think the new
album is monumental, and as good at least as 69 Love Songs.
Getting to experience the shows was such a dream-come-true type experience.
Ive seen the band and Stephin live so many times now, but it never ceases to be
an emotional experience for me. This time was doubly so because I was hearing
the 50 songs for the first time, and I was so intensely curious about what the
songs would be. Needless to say, I was not in the least disappointed. Some of
the songs are specific narratives about moments in Stephins life, some are more
general explorations of a theme, but all are truly personal and good. I would have
bet the farm against a record like this ever happening, but Im so grateful that it
did.
The show is presented more theatrically than a usual show. Stephin is presented
center stage, inside a room filled with his belongings - instruments and ephemera
and even Hootie the album, he of Love at the Bottom of the Sea cover fame. He
sits in a stool, singing mostly and occasionally playing one of his array of
instruments (mostly experimental ones, occasional ukulele). The rest of the band
is presented in a semicircle behind Stephin, some obscured, to make the main
focus Stephin himself. Sam Davol is stage left, playing cello and acoustic bass
guitar predominantly, with occasional flute and percussion. Pinky Weitzman is
next playing an array of string instruments (most commonly stroh violin, for which
shes well-known) and glockenspiel, and adding occasional background vocals.
Quince Marcum is directly behind Stephin, playing horns and percussion. Next

theres Shirley Simms, playing autoharp and ukulele and bouzouki, and of course
adding rich, lovely textures with her beautiful background vocals (she harmonizes
beautifully with Pinky). Next is Anthony Kacynski, mostly on guitars and
background vocals. Finally theres Chris Ewen, who plays a variety of keys and
synths, including a prepared piano.
One quick note that adds little substance: it was unusual seeing the band perform
without John Woo and especially Claudia Gonson. Im not sure why or how these
decisions were made, but Claudia and John were both sitting about two rows
ahead of me and Beth in the audience on night two, so I assume all is well.
Formally, the show is wonderful. Having the focus on Stephin is necessary as
hes finally singing autobiographically, and that he is enclosed in his own little
room onstage is especially poignant. The banter for the show is actually
scripted, with Stephin adding context to moments of his life in between songs and
occasionally telling seemingly off-topic jokes (at one point defining the word
verfrumdungseffekt). This was unusual and unexpected, truthfully, but it felt
natural given the more formal presentation of the material. During the songs,
there is a picture frame above Stephin projecting images relating to the songs.
They serve as a welcome addition rather than a distraction, although I wish itd
been supplemented with more actual photos of Stephin throughout his life.
Now, I suppose, I should write specifically about the songs. Please keep in mind
that Im writing this at the end of a whirlwind weekend, and as sad as it makes me
I only heard the songs once, so my memory may not be entirely accurate. Some
songs I remember more than others, as is to be expected. Im also likely to spoil
some particulars you might rather be surprised by come March. So, you know,
watch out for that if you want.
As a fan of Stephins work for a LONG time at this point, and at times an
admittedly overeager one, I am familiar enough with Stephins life that some of
the songs were covering familiar territory. That being said, NONE of them felt
stale. They all felt like really vibrant and new expressions, some rooted in
nostalgia obviously but all beautiful and relatable in some way. It was a thrill to

see and hear each one, and that I have to wait until March to hear them again is
legitimately painful for me. I just cannot wait to TRULY live with the songs and to
let them seep into my brain and become a part of my life. Oftentimes when new
SM records are released, I look most forward to incorporating the songs into his
body of work and discovering them more and more over the years. Having this
preview of the material so far in advance makes this doubly true.
Wonder Where Im From - I was always likely to cry at the first song, if only due to
anticipation. But, this song is truly an instant tearjerker and one of my favorites of
the night (Im likely to say this several more times about other songs, but I
promise Im not trying to be hyperbolic). It details specifically the places he was
conceived and born and lived in in his first few years, and the sort of emotional
turmoil this creates. Its got a beautiful, slow, methodic bass line from Sam Davol,
with the refrain Is it there Im from? I wonder where Im from. In the second
verse, he claims that even seashells know to which shore they belong and yet he
doesnt. Truly beautiful. I was in tears the whole time. Honestly, I couldnt imagine
a better opening track, and I think it serves this function better even than
Absolutely Cuckoo."
Come Back a a Cockroach - This one is hazy for me, truthfully (and sadly).
Lyrically, its about how if his mother believes in reincarnation then he could have
been born anything at all.
A Cat Called Dionysus - This one was a real crowd-pleaser! Its a really cute,
funny, charming song that reveals an early mischievous side of Stephin. As a
child, he unknowingly tortured his mothers cat, apparently. I kept him in a box
with all my toys and blocks. He HATED me, but I LOVED him. The crowd really
delighted at this. The animations for this one were especially memorable,
essentially just animating the narrative of the song.
Judy Garland - Im fairly sure this one was about finding out Judy Garland died,
and mourning her by celebrating her. Dont quote me, though, as I dont entirely
remember. It had a fairly country beat to it, and I LOVED the chorus. This was

also the first indicator of the night of what a treat Pinky and Shirleys background
harmonies would be.
Theyre Killing Children Over There - Id heard Stephin tell the story on which this
song is based in interviews before, but this was still REALLY affecting. Its a
heavy one, for sure, talking about how Stephin thought Grace Slick was talking
about the concert hall and not Vietnam when she announced at a show Theyre
killing children over there. Its slow and menacing, with a chorus of Theyre
killing children over there, theyre killing children over there. I know were not
supposed to care, but theyre still killing children over there. The last verse in
particular looks ahead in time a little bit and gets eerily prescient, politicallyspeaking.
I Think Ill Make Another World - I cannot overstate how good this song is. I was
STAGGERED by how beautiful and relatable it was, really truly staggered. Its all
about not quite fitting in and carving your own space in the world. In the chorus,
Stephin really emotes in a way Ive not heard before in live performance and it
just slayed me. Easily one of my favorites of the night.
Eye Contact - A very slow, enchanting number with excellent contributions from
Chris Ewen. Its about Stephins dislike of making eye contact. Eye contact, must
we make eye contact? He rhymes that last syllable liberally throughout, with one
of my favorite lyrics being When we interact, why must we smile or frown? or
something to that effect.
It Could Have Been Paradise - A song about Stephins year spent in Hawaii with
his mother, featuring him doing a hula. It could have been paradise, if it werent
for the bugs or something like that is the chorus. Excellent percussion from Sam
Davol on this one!
No - Obviously, weve all heard this one by this point. Live, it was slightly less
commanding, which leads me to believe that ALL the songs on the record are
going to sound even fuller and better than the iterations I heard, which is exciting
as they already sounding so amazing.

My Mama Aint - A song about his mothers massage parlor. It had a country-ish
vibe, which I guess can be surmised from the title. Another one for which the
details are sadly hazy for me.
Hustle 76 - Stephin introduced the song by saying something like I was once
quoted in an interview as saying I will never write a disco song. I cant imagine
writing a song that goes thump-a-thump-a HIT IT! And, then, lo and behold a
fucking disco song. Like, a straight disco song. Its even got uh-huh-huh
backing vocals and everything. I was just goddamn delighted by it. Lyrically, its
about him buying one of those infomercial disco records when he was a kid, and
obsessing over the commercial. Hustle 76/Everybody dance now/Everybody
dance the night away. He pronounces dance in the english way of dahnce.
Life Aint All Bad - Please forgive me for oversharing, but a huge part of the
reason I love Stephins music so much is because of the time in which I found it. I
grew up with a heavily abusive father and found Stephins music at 14-years-old
and it truly felt like another world at the time. Listening to it was an escape from
my abusive parents, and it felt like I finally had permission to be the little weirdo in
the southern US that I was. I say all this not just to make you uncomfortable, but
because this song is about Stephins relationship with his abusive stepdad.
Instantly, I started crying when I recognized the subject matter in the first verse,
because it felt like a confirmation of the sort of relationship with this music that
Ive developed. Then, of course, I died laughing when he got to the chorus of Na
na na na, youre dead now! Na na na na, life aint all bad! But, being the
emotional sap I am, by the time they were singing the chorus for the third time, I
was back to my usual tears because somehow it still feels like these songs are
for me and all mine, even when Stephin is writing more personally like this. I
know Im going to treasure this song for years to come, and play it nonstop
whenever my own father dies.
The Blizzard of 78 - Stephins guitar playing on this is remarkable, and he plays
along to a harsh noise from Chris Ewens synth. A great but subtle song about
his first band, who were apparently terrible. We made The Shaggs sound like

Yes is a standout lyric. If TONTOS Expanding Headband were a band, then so

were we is another.
Rock n Roll Will Ruin Your Life - One of two songs in the show written in a
specific genre of song yet denouncing that genre in content. Its about his mother
warning him not to become a musician. One of the best of the night, with
beautiful fucking background vocals (ALL THAT NOISE!) It sounded like an antirock anthem in the form of a classic 70s rock song. Like, hes totally channeling
Jefferson Airplane here in a big way, and it sounded great. Rock n roll will ruin
your life and make you SAD! And I mean SAD!"
London By Jetback - A weird, enigmatic song that I cant wait to explore further.
Seemingly, its about an abandoned novel of Stephins. Its not the going up, its
not the coming down, its the zooming round. The last line is something like
London by Jetback, perhaps Ill write you someday."
How to Play the Synthesizer - Holy fucking shit, I cant wait to hear this on the
record. It was remarkable live, and featured some excellent keyboards from Chris
Ewen, but Im sure its going to have a fuller soundscape on the record. Basically,
its just exactly what it sounds like, instructions on how to play the synthesizer.
Awesome synthed-out backing vocals from Chris Ewen, with Stephin very quietly
singing This is how you play. The synthesizer."
Happy Beeping - I didnt QUITE understand this song, so Im most eager to hear
it again. It was about another boyfriend of his moms. The first lyric was
something like My mama found another jerk, or something like that. There was
another lyric detailing how the the boyfriend didnt like new wave music, but stole
a Richard Brautigan book from Stephin. The same guy also apparently stole a
lyric of Stephins, set it to music, and used it to woo his mom. Again, Im cobbling
these scant details in mostly desperation; I need to hear this one again.
Foxx and I - Another one that Id consider a standout for me. Its about his
relationship with John Foxx, how he loved his music and wanted to BE him.
Perhaps its silly that I keep announcing the songs that made me cry, but this was

another for me. It reminded me so much of my own experience of finding

Stephins music.
Danceteria - A song about finding and fucking boys at the danceteria, bragging
that he got in for free because he was so cute. A great little dance number,
obviously, and one that pairs well with Hustle 76."
Why I Am Not a Teenager - A BEAUTIFUL song about rejecting all the people
around him when he was a kid because he was essentially better than they were.
Again, a sentiment I can firmly, firmly get behind.
How I Failed Ethics - Another one weve all heard, so I wont say too much. To
me, the solo actually sounded better live, and went on for longer, with Stephin
playing wind chimes.
At the Pyramid - Another one about dance clubs, and just as dancey as the last
one. The Pyramid was, I guess, a well-known club in NYC. Lots of people
clapped and cheered when he announced that was what the song was about. Of
the three really dancey songs from the first night (Hustle 76, Danceteria, and this
one), Id put this at the bottom of the list although they were all great.
Ethan Frome - A song about reading Ethan Frome on his 21st birthday, which
hes continued to read every year on his birthday since. Id heard him tell this
story before, but the song was actually one of my favorites. An unexpectedly
delightful one. The chorus is essentially just Na na na na, Ethan Frome.
The 1989 Musical Marching Zoo - Another one Im excited to understand a little
better once the record comes out and we get that sweet interview with Daniel
Handler and all. The song itself was a bit of a mystery to me. It seemed to be
about how he loves making music, but doesnt like performing it? I wish
musicians could be invisible/Or like The Residents, identical. I dunno, like I said,
this one Ill have to explore more.

Dreaming in Tetris - This was the end of the first night, and it was such a great
way to end the show. Its a song about how Stephin played so much Tetris when
he was 25 that hed go to sleep still dreaming about Tetris. The song, like fucking
Tetris, gets faster and faster as it plays which is just such a clever way to write a
song about Tetris, something only Stephin would do. On the screen above him
was a live game of Tetris, and the crowd was so into it that they applauded when
the game was won onscreen.
The Day I Finally - An AMAZING way to start night two. Stephin didnt even wait
for the crowd to stop clapping, he just quickly walked onstage and started playing
this. One of my favorites, but by far the weirdest. I expect that itll get a similar
response to I Shatter, which is my very favorite song on 69LS, but one that I
dont see garnering tons of attention otherwise. It had very sparse
instrumentation, just Stephin playing a very unusual instrument (it had strings in
the middle and percussive elements on top and bottom) by himself and singing
lyrics about his always impending mental breakdown. The day I finally SNAP
Everyone will LAUGH! with quick percussion on the emphasized syllables. One
of the lyrics was everyone thinks its a joke, and at one point instead of saying
the word joke, Pinky Weitzman instead just told a joke in its place. The crowd
laughed at this so much that it interrupted Stephin, which seemed to miff him a
bit. When the song was over, the instrument hed been playing was lifted off the
stage and they immediately went into...
Weird Diseases - Another standout, really, although I hope it aint irritating that
Im saying that so much. Its just that the songs are really remarkable, yall. This
one is a new wave sounding song about how Stephin is susceptible to weird
diseases. Weird diseases! I get weird diseases! Once from eating recalled
cheeses. Its super clever, sometimes funny and a danceable track. He casually
references potentially having aspbergers (if thats still a thing, he says) which I
fucking loved. One of Chris Ewens most shining moments of either night, as well.
Me And Fred and Dave and Ted - Again, weve all heard it. I missed the chunky
piano from the recorded version, but this was my favorite of the leaked five songs
so it was still a delight to hear it!!

Havent Got a Penny - Sadly, this is another one whose overall details I havent
retained as well. Its about being poor in NYC and eating bagels to get by. The
background vocals from Pinky and Shirley were fucking ON POINT, that I
definitely remember.
A Serious Mistake - The next year, I met John, who well call Jake, Stephin
introduced the song. Hey, Jake, lets make a serious mistake. BEAUTIFUL
fucking cello on this, and just a really great song in general. Its about going for it
with a sexual partner you KNOW aint right for you. I expect this one to be a hit
amongst longtime TMF fans.
Im Sad! - I was SO looking forward to this one, as that exclamation mark really
encapsulates how I live my life (I was once described as ecstatically depressed,
which I should get tattooed on my forehead its so accurate). I wasnt
disappointed in this at all, as its really a depressed anthem in a lot of ways. Its
slow and somber and features a beautiful string section from Sam and Pinky.
Eurodisco Trio - I found this song to be really intriguing. Its got a lot of Ewens
influence in it and could be a FBH song, which is fitting as its an ode to Stephin's
time in FBH. The verses are about how miserably depressed Stephin was and
how he wanted to commit suicide, but then the chorus is fairly disconnected as
hes just saying Were a Eurodisco trio! in several different languages. It felt like
something that would be played at a goth night at a club, as its danceable
despite its depressing lyrics.
Lovers Lies - This will be a standout, instant classic. I do not doubt that at all.
This song felt so classically Stephin. I know he said he used fragments of old
songs when constructing the album, and I wouldnt be surprised if this were one
of those. Its a beautiful ballad, in a way that only Stephin can write. I cant wait
for this to be released and for everyone to get a chance to hear this.
Fathers in the Clouds - I mentioned my father before, and my relationship with my
father and my relationship with Stephins music are always going to be

intertwined for me. Several therapists have analyzed this, I assure you. That
being said, I cannot stress enough how affecting this song was for me. Stephin
sings I have no need for fathers, or fathers in the clouds in a beautiful falsetto.
Thats the first line of the song, and instantly I was a wreck. My rejection of my
father is one of the key aspects of my personality, something that has predicated
almost all of my affectations and quirks. A song out and out about rejecting
fatherhood just blew me away. This was by far the most emotional moment of the
shows for me, a moment Ill treasure forever. Honestly, even just thinking as I type
about the fact that Stephin wrote this song is making me misty-eyed. In his
falsetto, Stephin is really emoting in a way that is unusual for him. There was one
moment of levity in the song, where he referenced the fact that both he and his
dad have written songs danced to by Richard Gere (SM in the movie Shall We
Dance? and his dad in a Broadway play starring Gere).
Ghosts of the Marathon Dancers - I assume this is about Dicks Bar closing. The
song is REALLY pretty, just about looking back on a place once loved. Talk about
songs about songs, though, this one gets CRAZY meta in the end when he
references that the song he is singing was initially written for an Ang Lee movie
that got cancelled. REALLY fucking meta, but a beautiful song nonetheless. This
was one of my wifes favorites.
Have You Seen it in the Snow? - I have waited over ten years to hear this song. I
remember reading about it when LD Beghtol mentioned it on Stephinsongs and
Ive wanted it ever since, reaching out to both members of Kiki and Herb and
several known K&H bootleggers but of course I never had any luck. This song
had a lot to live up to for me, but it was everything I wanted. Its an ode to the
aesthetic beauty of NYC in cabaret form. If you want rainbows, go to Idaho. But,
have you seen it in the snow? My wife (who is a native New Yorker) and I were
both sobbing through this one.
Be True to Your Bar - Live, this one sounded great! That last chorus is JUST as
powerful. My favorite part of the video projection was during this song, but I dont
think Ill spoil that joke for yall. :)

The Ex and I - Its one verse repeated twice, with a nice little rhumba breakdown
in between. The verses are about how fun it is to fuck ex-partners. The ex and I
are having sex and I am quite perplexed or something like that.
Cold-Blooded Man - Another one I expect to be popular! You need a coldblooded man to keep you warm. Its about intentionally seeking out sadistic
relationships, and is one of the few songs sung in second person. I never knew
there were so many ways to rhyme masochistic!"
Never Again - Oof, another one that was just really emotional and beautiful. It
seems to be about a breakup, although its another one I want to explore a little
further, truthfully. Never again will we walk in the snow, with nowhere to go for
10,000 centuries. That line tore me apart; so beautiful.
Quotes - This song was very, very exciting for me. It addresses the weird racism
issue from 2006. All those quotes you never said is the first line of the chorus.
Dramatic quotes are never true is a line from one of the verses. I was glad for
him to make his first real public statement about this in such an abject, blunt and
definitive way.
In the Snow White Cottages - Its about moving to LA and being charmed by the
architecture, I think? He references living in Elliott Smiths old house, which is
especially strange as Claudia Gonsons sister, JJ, used to date Elliott Smith. I
dont remember much more than that, unfortunately.
Surfin - The spiritual cousin to Rock n Roll Will Ruin Your Life, in that it is an
anti-surfing surf song. Surfing! I dont want to go surfing! Surfing! How moronic is
surfing? I really, really dug this one, especially because I hate most any physical
activity. My wife kept hitting me on the shoulder during this one because she
knew before I had to say anything that I would be very into a song denouncing
surfing.
Till You Come Back to Me - I remember that this one was VERY sad, but specific
details escape me. I THINK its about wanting an ex-lover to come back to you

even though you know they likely wont and its not a good idea. I cant wait to
hear it again and experience it in a more sufficient way.
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea - Its about the score he wrote for the silent film
version of 20KLUTS in 2010, and apparently getting some dick behind the
scenes. Its got a peppy chorus of 20,000 Leagues under the sea well go, hand
in hand somethingsomething
Stupid Tears - I hate you, you stupid tears. I guess this one is the sister song to
Bitter Tears, although it lacks some of the exuberance of that song. This is by
far Anthonys most shining moments, as his background vocals make this song
all the more affecting.
You Can Never Go Back to New York - I hesitate to describe this song musically,
as the word that comes to my mind is jaunty, and that seems a little off for some
reason. Suffice it to say, its about how NYC is never the same city for long,
because they just move stuff around all the time. A real jaunt, this one. ;)
Big Enough for Both of Us - I was shocked at how MENACING this one sounded
live. The recorded version, to me, has some whimsy and that last verse makes
me laugh every time. But, no-one was laughing when they played it live. It was
distinctly more dramatic, and Shirleys chorus of 3,000 miles away sounded
sadder than ever; it made me understand the song in a new way, really, which I
appreciated.
I Wish I Had Pictures - Yet another one I expect people to REALLY respond to.
Fuck, I cried and cried for this one. Its Stephin looking back on his life in a real
way, lamenting that he doesnt have pictures to look back on. If I were an artist,
with charcoal and pad, Id draw my own pictures of each day Ive had. Its just a
nostalgic trip I didnt expect SM to take us on.
Somebodys Fetish - Everybodys somebodys fetish, whether youre a grand
dame or youre more coquettish. An EXCELLENT way to end these two
marvelous evenings. The verses were funny explorations on the theme that

theres someone out there who wants to fuck you no matter what youre into or
what you look like. Tonally, theres a shift as there are two very heartfelt, romantic
refrains about how Stephin has finally found true love. And even me with my
wildebeest face, he opines. Like most memoirs, this one has got a happy ending.