Marital Success

is Possible

Marital Success
Marital Success is everyone's desire from the time love
seed is sown, and spiritual and soul ties develop between a
man and a woman, up to the time they say I do.
However, to many the dream of a successful marriage has
faded as the years went by, and as at now, there are those
who are contemplating, quitting and never to turn back.
While I was reflecting on how my marriage has stood the
taste of time, i narrowed it down to the following
disciplines that i learnt and applied in the course of time,
and I have witnessed much change and success.

(01).Stay Humble!
Maintain and project the attitude of the tax collector,
when you are appear before God to plead for your
marriage.-(Luke 18:9-14) .

The best practice is always to ask the Holy Spirit to

reveal the area of ignorance on your part, which
contributed to disharmony, and conflict in the
marriage, and lead you to the scriptures to study for
repenting(renewing your mind).With the changed
mindset you will speak and act wisely towards your
partner to avoid such conflicts in future.
#Message: Self righteousness and pride is what has
been blocking the grace of God from flowing in your
life, and eventually to your marriage.
Staying humble allows the grace to flow, which brings
abundance of peace and harmony in your
marriage.(James 4:6).

02). Stay in Your Office.

You are forever a human being in this relationship, hence
you will always be guilty of omissions and commissions,
sometimes grave enough to wreck your marriage, but by
the grace of God it has stood till now, when you are reading
this book.
Consequently, you are out of order when you accuse your
partner of sin of commission, and omission whenever
there is a conflict or an issue in your marriage. By doing so
you are playing the Pharisee incarnate, and instead of
building your marriage you will be destroying it by your
pride.

Your are either the Wife(the Suitable Helper) or the

Husband the Leader. Each of the office has unique and
separate functions, without which no marriage will
stand. Marriage is a body with two offices yet its one
body, the Wife cannot say I do not need a husband,
neither can the Husband say I do not need a wife,
because the existence of each of these offices is
dependent on the actual existence of one of them.

Marital Success
Stay in your office 24/7 no matter the heat in that office,
because the potential God has endowed you with can only
be maximized when functioning in your office.

Satan is the only enemy of your marriage, he was there

to fight the marriage of Adam and Eve, by persuading
them to disobey Gods command and instructions.

Specialization is a biblical Principle.

He hasnt changed his tricks yet, he is today

determined to wreck your marriage, using the same
trick, if you give him a chance.

You need to specialize and single your focus, if you are going
to be husband or the wife, God would be proud of.
God is the one who gave you the responsibility, as the
husband, or the wife, hence your accountability is to him
first before your partner.
He knows you cannot function without Him, (John 15:5), and
so He has provided His grace for you to be able to function
in your office.
(3).Identify & Target the real enemy
Your marriage is a holy institution established by a holy God.
Since the time of creation of man, Satan has been the only
one enemy to Gods interaction and engagement with man.
The enemy of your marriage is not any of the following, your
wife, your husband, your mother in law, your sisters in law
or your brothers in law.

Here is how he has been deceiving you

He has told you not forgive your husband/wife,

because he/she is likely to repeat the mistake again.
By obeying him you have disobeyed God because
Jesus told peter, forgiveness was to be given to the
offender, 70*7(490 times a day)
[Mathew 18:21-22]
Which meant forgiveness is to be given all the time to
the offender regardless of the time he/she wrongs you.
When Christ forgave us on the cross, when he told the
father please forgive them for they do not know what
they are doing, He did it eternally for me and for you.

The implication is that Christ already forgave so it does

not matter how many times you will make mistakes,
forgiveness is guaranteed any time I go to him, because
He eternally forgave you.

Marital Success
2 He has told you not to give in to his urge for sex,
until he starts treating you well.
By obeying him you disobey God, because your
responsibility to your husband is not pegged on his
performance, but love which is unconditional .(1
Corinthians 7:5 )

3 He has told you to start another relationship with

your work mate to compensate for lack of intimacy
with your wife!
By obeying him you are disobeying Gods word because the
bible commands you as the husband to love your wife as
Christ loves the Church.
Christ jealously loves the Church, and has always
demonstrates patience to her, always keen on initiating
conversation with the church, to spur up intimacy.

Whenever you act in such ignorance, and disobedience

you have been giving Satan a foot hold, and you can be
sure he is going to wreck your marriage very soon.

(4). Make Use of the Mind Of Christ

Gods desire and purpose for your marriage
supersedes your individual comfort, interests, hopes
and desires. Its imperative to make use of the mind of
Christ which has the blue print of what God planned
to accomplish through your marriage.
For example in my case God is using our marriage to
minister to the down trodden, the rejected, and the
despised in the Church.
God is also using our marriage to reach out to the
young people to mentor them for marriage, and also
reaching out to the married, to encourage them to
stay committed in their marriages in the face of any
challenge, because Gods grace is available for
success.
You can not go wrong, when you decide to seek the
mind of Christ about your marriage. He will disclose
every detail you need to know, so that you can handle
moments in your marriage with humility as you allow
Him to carry out His purpose through you.

Marital Success
2 He has told you not to give in to his urge for sex,
until he starts treating you well.
By obeying him you disobey God, because your
responsibility to your husband is not pegged on his
performance, but love which is unconditional .(1
Corinthians 7:5 )

3 He has told you to start another relationship with

your work mate to compensate for lack of intimacy

with your wife!

By obeying him you are disobeying Gods word because the

bible commands you as the husband to love your wife as
Christ loves the Church.
Christ jealously loves the Church, and has always
demonstrates patience to her, always keen on initiating
conversation with the church, to spur up intimacy.

Whenever you act in such ignorance, and disobedience

you have been giving Satan a foot hold, and you can be
sure he is going to wreck your marriage very soon.

(4). Make Use of the Mind Of Christ

Gods desire and purpose for your marriage supersedes
your individual comfort, interests, hopes and desires. Its
imperative to make use of the mind of Christ which has
the blue print of what God planned to accomplish
through your marriage.
For example in my case God is using our marriage to
minister to the down trodden, the rejected, and the
despised in the Church.
God is also using our marriage to reach out to the young
people to mentor them for marriage, and also reaching
out to the married, to encourage them to stay committed
in their marriages in the face of any challenge, because
Gods grace is available for success.
You can not go wrong, when you make use of the mind
of Christ to live out your marriage. He will disclose every
detail you need to know, so that you can handle moments
in your marriage with humility as you allow Him to carry
out His purpose through you.

Marital Success
(5).Jesus the Center Of Focus.
Your marriage is a vine yard God has entrusted to you and
your mate to take care of, because he expects grapes from
it at the end of the day.
You are not for yourselves, hence non of you should
attract attention to themselves, through manipulation,
intimidation of the other party, as this would be
tantamount to idol worship, and this does not amuse God
not even a single minute.
As Moses lifted the bronze snake in the wilderness, Jesus
Christ is to be lifted up in all your undertaking by each of
your in your separate and unique offices.

(a).Love
Love is giving your speech and actions from your point of
strength, fully aware of anothers weaknesses, limitations,
frailties and failures, motivated by their best interests at
heart.
This love was demonstrated by God when He sent His only
begotten son to be a savior for a human race, so helpless
because of sin, and whose destiny had already been
decided by virtue of sin is death.[Romans3:23]
As the Wife you have a husband who is a
human being with enough weaknesses, limitations, and
shortcomings in his locker ready to sprout when a right
situation presents itself.

Ctnd
God in his wisdom in match making, this
man is the opposite of you, in the sense that you are
strong where he is weak. So you have a duty to act from
your point of strength with his best interest at heart.
Secondly take stock of the limitations or
weaknesses of your husband by the help of the Holy
spirit. And now with the knowledge and consciousness of
the point of weakness of your husband, intentionally,
decide to speak and act towards him in his best interest
at heart no matter the cost, because that s what love is
all about.
Time and again Jesus also motivated by this love had
compassion to save people from oppression, who were so
helpless in their situation.

As the husband you have a wife who by

virtue of her being a human being has enough in his
locker as weaknesses, limitations, and shortcomings
God in his wisdom in match making, this woman is the
opposite of you, in the sense that you are strong where
she is weak. So you have a duty to speak and act from
your point of strength with her best interest at heart.
This is the principle highlighted in love your
neighbor as you love yourself. No one bargains for the
worst treatment from another human being. According to
the principle show you partner the best , since you will
desire to get back the best from them.

Marital Success
Secondly take stock of the limitations or weaknesses of
your husband to the extent of the help of the Holy spirit.
With the knowledge and consciousness of your strengths
and the weaknesses of your husband, intentionally,
standing on your point of strength speak and act towards
her to her best interest no matter the cost, because that s
what love is all about.

(b).Peace.
Peace is what Christ left when he went to
heaven having accomplished his work on earth.[John
14:27] This peace stays with us even when we have
something upsetting in our lives like the raging waterfall
under the sleeping bird. Now your marriage is not going to
be a bed of roses even though you love one another.
Without a doubt there will be times of
tensions, heat, and discouragements, which you would
never bargain for if your permission was sought before
they happened.
Thats when the peace of God that surpasses
all human understanding comes handy. This peace flows
from a life surrendered to God, and the unshakeable trust
, that God is in control, and no matter the difficult
moments in your marriage, and that He will cause all the
things from such ugly moments to work together for your
good.[Romans 8:28]

(c).Patience
Patience is a virtue demonstrated by God in
all his dealing and engagement with human beings.
Patience is a result of His ability to see the good end from
the beginning in a seemingly bad situation.
He then positions Himself to offer Spiritual,
psychological and emotional support to you until such a
time the end is manifested in reality. That's when you
exclaim, with joy, and sometimes feeling disappointed
with yourself for failing to see that end from the
beginning in the midst of that challenge in your marriage.
In the same vein your marital success
majorly depends on this rare virtue at least from you
reading this book.
With the Holy Spirit Inspiration, you can be able to see
the good, desired end for your marriage in a seemingly
ugly or bad situation.
For example if you can see the development
of independence and diversity in your partner anytime
there are huge differences in your discussions, you will
offer spiritual, psychological and emotional support, to
your partner, without necessarily getting pissed off and
angry at him/her for differing with you most of the time,
as your patiently wait to see the manifestation of the
good outcome.

Marital Success
(d).Joy
Joy is a state of gladness, in your heart when
you have Jesus Christ as your hope of your marriage. It
comes from the realization that God is at peace with you,
and you are accepted by Him in the beloved because of
what His son Jesus Christ accomplished in your stead.
Its a realization that the success of your
marriage is His original and ultimate desire, because God is
not failure in His own nature, and He would not allow His
Childs Marriage to fail, because that will discredit Him as a
daddy.
Joy is what makes harmony and oily
conversations in a family. Tensions and nervousness are
diffused in the presence of joy.
As you realize that Christ is interested to make
you a choice couple, to demonstrate to the world that
marriage build on the solid rock are a success, you will give
up control over your stressful moments, your partner,
which are the common robbers of joy.
The bible says the Joy of the Lord is Your
strength. Gods joy comes from the finished work of the
cross by His beloved Son Jesus. Consequently as you
submit to Christ, Gods joy is expressed and this becomes
your inner strength to be able to afford a state of gladness
all the time.

(e).Kindness
Kindness is treating your partner with
Spiritual, psychological and emotional courtesy. Its
speaking and acting to them with mercy because your
recognize their intrinsic value by virtue of who they are to
God.
Kindness liberates your partner to trust you,
and this makes them love you back spiritually,
psychologically, emotionally, and physically without
reservation.
Its realizing that they hold you in high regard and how
you treat them will have a high effect in how they will
relate with other people outside your marriage.
Treating them with kindness therefore sets
the pace, for them to show kindness to the others in your
larger family and even in the outside world.
The ripple effect is your marriage being
esteemed highly by all your family members, and the
outside world, because rarely will you find a human being
who is not touched by Kindness.

(f).Goodness

Marital Success

Goodness is using your persona and

positional power and authority to better your partner.
As the wife what you are endowed with is the
positional power to make a home.
A home is a place of harmony, peace,
tranquility. A place where your husband, your kids, and
anyone living with you is accepted for who they are and
not for what they have.
Demonstrate goodness by using your spiritual,
psychological, and emotional and physical endowment to
make a home.
As the husband God has endowed you with a
personal and positional power to lead your family. You are
to lead with love as Christ leads His Church with Love.
When you lead with love, it builds confidence in your wife
and children to belong to a family where you are the head
of the it.
Goodness creates an atmosphere where every
member in your family, grows to become the person God
intended them to become, when He created them.
Desire and purpose to use your personal and
positional power to demonstrate goodness, and see the
wonders it will do to your marriage.

(h).Faithfulness

Faithfulness is understanding that your

responsibility as the wife or the husband has been given
to you by God, and that accountability will be to him
primarily.
Your faithfulness as a husband is demonstrated when you
take time to converse with God, through his word, so that
you understand what is expected of you, and ask Him for
the grace and wisdom to be able to function fully.
When you can love your wife as Christ loves the Church,
you are being faithful to God. When you are treating your
wife with Understanding as the weaker party, you are
being faithful to God.
When you are submitting and respecting your husband
you are being faithful to God. When you demonstrate
love to your children and bring them up in the ways of
God, you are being faithful to God.
Your duty is not to please you partner first, but to please
God. This is the principle demonstrated in the two
greatest commandments. Love is first to God, then this
love to God flows down to your neighbor.
First make pleasing God a priority as husband or wife and
with much ease you will be able to please your partner.

(I).Gentleness

Marital Success

Its using your spiritual, psychological, and

emotional advantage to get out the best of your partners.
As a husband you know that you have a logical advantage
over your wife. Similarly your wife has an emotional
advantage over you. However, God gave each one of you
such uniqueness not to show one as superior and inferior,
but rather to create an affinity for one another hence
contributing to harmony and oneness in the relationship.
Gentleness is demonstrated when each of you
uses his/her uniqueness and originality to benefit the
other and bring harmony in the relationship.
As a husband use you ability to think to create
dynamism and stability in your marriage and family. You
can be able to plan think ahead quite naturally than your
wife, use this ability to project a better tomorrow of your
partner, and your family in general.
As the wife use your emotional advantage to
create and atmosphere thats warm, non judgmental, non
condemning, which can inspire each member of the family
to be themselves, without the pressure of misrepresenting
themselves.

(J).Self Control

Success of any marriage depends on how

much each partner sacrifices self centeredness on the
altar of selflessness. Self Control in marriage is
exercising the ability to resist the urge to attract
attention to yourself through your speech and
actions. Its when the desire and hope to see the
success of your marriage consumes you, and hence
inspiring you to prioritize the well being of the other
person, before your own.
Its deciding to have the marriage as the
center of focus, thus attracting the attention from
each of you, independently and inter dependently.
All your energies will then be directed
into making the marriage a success. There will be
little energy left for the side shows, which are mostly
driven by selfishness.
Its when you decide to please God, by
responding to His word he gives concerning you
marriage.
For example lack of forgiveness the common issue in
marriages, come as a result of self centeredness,
when the offended party, decides to make even by
not showing the offender mercy.
With Self control in action, you will find it easier to
forgive and release your partner to Gods mercy.

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