BONUS CHAPTER

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Look at one of your industrious fellows for a moment, I

beseech you. He sows hurry and reaps indigestion; he puts
a vast deal of activity out to interest and receives a large
measure of nervous derangement in return. Robert Louis
Stevenson

Between 1737 and 1768, a British diplomat named Philip
Stanhope--who would eventually become known to the world as
Lord Chesterfield--wrote hundreds of letters to his illegitimate but
much loved son. Some of those letters are touching. Some are simple
parenting. Some border on superficial and pedantic, obsessed with
notions of 18 Century etiquette we cant understand. Many contain
advice that we could all use to be reminded of from time to time.

One letter stands out. It was probably a throwaway line from
Chesterfield but for our purposes, it matters a great deal. I am
convinced, he told his son, that a light supper, a goodnights sleep
and a fine morning, have sometimes made a hero out of the same
man, who by an indigestion, a restless night and a rainy morning,
would have proved a coward.

What Chesterfield was admonishing his son to do was simple:
Take care of himself. Because who knows what will happen if you
dont? All the moral and mental training and fortuitous circumstances
in the world are rendered useless if surrounded by bad habits and
ill health. These little things add up to the wrong choices at critical
moments--and they have the power to change a life or even history.
th

But how does that pertain to ego? They are very much related.

See, success takes its toll. Long hours. Stress. Frustration.
Exhausted willpower. It should not come as a surprise that under
these pressures, many break or collapse, sick as hell. Burnout is real.
And even those with the purest principles and best intentions, when
they have worked themselves to the bone and neglected to preserve
and nourish their body, they lapse into egotism, selfishness and error.
Or worse.

Howard Hughes stopped taking care of himself. Repeated

head traumas, combined with a codeine addiction and deliberately

untreated medical issues are what hastened his decline into insanity.
Countless others have succumbed to demons, out of recklessness or
neglect or both.

This is how it happens: We have real responsibilities and
obligations that can be dealt with in the course of a normal day. So
we start taking phone calls later and later at night. We sacrifice sleep,
we dont have time for breakfast--there is too much to be done. Sleep
and eating? Do it when were dead.

Our emails pile up and it begins to feel like well never make a
dent in it. We use up all our patience on trivial business problems. We
use up the patience we didnt even think we had on real business crises
that seem to arise out of nowhere. We say yes and yes and yes to things
that feel importantand everything else in our life from family to our
health is relegated and ignored.

We become workaholicsaddicts who must adrenalize and
be forever occupied by work. We become dependent on power and
accomplishment and feel endlessly anxious without it. In this state,
we have so little control over how we act and the decisions we make.
Fighting off the fantasies, delusions of grandeur and self importance?
Forget about it. Were too busy fighting everything and everyone else.
Our defenses are shot. Our addled mind cannot resist.

Not just that, but here we begin to make rash decisions. We
react emotionally, and have no idea were doing so. We give in to
temptations, whether theyre sex, drugs, food, anger, aversion or
distraction. In fact, some controversial studies have termed this ego
depletion. Over stressed, we lose the ability to resist and make
the right decision. Hangry and fighting with a spouse? Thats ego
depletion. Another study showed that judges in Israel were more
lenient on prisoners at the beginning of the day, less so as it got closer
to lunch and more lenient again after. Thats ego depletion. Or rather,
thats not the proper management of ego.

We feel under attack in this kind of life, because we quite
literally are--by all of the things weve committed to and refused to
put boundaries on. Too many of are one precipitating event from a
full blown meltdown. And we wear the habits that get us to this point
like a badge of honor. Its madness.

But lets widen the view on this a little. Its not just about taking
caring of yourself physically. Without spiritual nourishment, we lose
our bearing and our hold on ourselves. The ego exploits this weakness
just as it would fatigue or hunger.

In Workaholics Anonymous, one the exercises involves a simple

reminder. We must, they say, catch ourselves before we relapse into

ego and self-will. That is: Rest before you get tired. Check your
impulses before they take over. Avoid the idiot lightsstop before there
is a problem.

Which combination is more potent? Sanity and health or
brilliance and instability? The answer depends on what youre trying
to do here. If the goal is build something that lasts, something with
fruits you hope to be able to actually enjoy, then the path is clear. If
youd prefer to be a white hot flash that burns brightly until it burns
itself out, then that path is clear too.

The great philosopher king, Marcus Aurelius knew this very
well. Called to politics almost against his will, he served the Roman
people in one form or another from the time he was a teenager until
his death. There was always pressing businessappeals to hear, wars
to fight, laws to passand he never allowed himself to drift too far
from philosophy. To escape imperialization--the stain of absolute
power that wrecked previous emperors--he wrote, to himself, that he
must fight to be the person that philosophy tried to make you.
Not academic philosophy, but real practical philosophy. The kind
that nourishes the better parts of our nature. That encourages us to
think bigger picture and avoid selfish thoughts.For Marcus it was stoic
philosophy. His school admonished him to be patient, to be forgiving,
to hold himself to high standards, to not be swayed by luxury, power
or greed.

Philosophy takes many forms. For some its religion. For others,
its a meditative practice of some kind. As Nassim Taleb put it, its
not that God is great, its that religion serves as a reminder that God
is greater than you. You dont have to fear or even believe in God, just
stop trying to be one. Just stop.

Philosophy helps us with this. It humbles. It regulates. It reasserts
priorities and best practices. It requires work and self-criticism and
one inevitable conclusion that our problems are almost entirely our
own fault. Nowhere is this more essentially than we were are at the
top of our game. Because the stakes are so much higher. Without
a framework for taking care of yourself mentally, spiritually and
physically, you put everything youve accomplished at risk.

The more successful we get, the busier we are, the harder we
pursue our craft, the further we can drift from seeing this clearly. Its not
deliberate, but it happens. We get in a rhythm. Were making money,
being creative, were stimulated and busy. It seems like everything is
going well. But we drift further and further from Philosophy.

So we must watch ourselves and return to it. Its no one elses job

but ours. Pick up good books, or if you so prefer, the Good Book.
Stop and evaluate. Read something that challenges, that centers you
instead of dousing you with more information youll have to deal
with.

No matter how much learning or work or thinking we do, none
of it matters unless it happens against the backstop of exhortative
analysis and self-awareness (interiora vide -- look within). The kind
rooted in the deep study of the mind and emotion, and demands
that we hold ourselves to certain standards. We must turn to the
practical, to the spiritual exercises of great men and women and
then actively use them. Its the only way well get anything out of
the rest of our efforts. Its simple: stop learning (or working) for a
second and refine.

No amount of philosophy matters if we run ourselves ragged,
if we are bitter with fatigue and anguished. The child who lashes out
isnt a bad person, they just need a nap. We do this to ourselves, we
set ourselves up. You know this, but youve been neglectful. Because
youre busy. Because you have important things going on. Because
you think youve outgrown it. You havent. Let it do its job, so you
can better do yours. Dont let the crazy demands of work and life
make you crazy.

Put aside all the momentum and the moment. Tap the brakes.
Return to philosophy. Take care of yourself.