Developmental milestone: Self-care

by Sarah Henry
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
http://www.babycenter.com/0_developmental-milestone-self-care_65551.bc?showAll=t
rue
Self-care: What to expect when
As your child grows older, he'll learn and want to do more things for himself, f
rom brushing his teeth to getting his own bowl of cereal. While watching your pr
eschooler become increasingly independent can be bittersweet, learning to take c
are of himself is an important part of his personal and social development. Skil
ls he'll work at
Using a fork and spoon: By the time your child is 4, he should be able to hold a
fork and spoon like an adult. With some guidance from you, he can also get a ha
ndle on how to use a knife. And joy of joys he'll be ready to learn table manner
s.
Dressing and undressing: Preschoolers should be able to put their clothes on and
take them off without too much trouble. Zippers, buttons, snaps, and clasps on
overalls still may be tough; while many preschoolers can undo these with ease, t
hey will probably need help with fastening. Velcro, on the other hand, is easy f
or little hands to manipulate. Many children this age can put on their shoes wit
hout help if they have Velcro straps.
Brushing teeth: Most children get fairly adept at toothbrushing sometime between
their third and fourth birthdays, but they still need your help and supervision
. It takes quite a bit of coordination for your child to hold a toothbrush and m
aneuver it around his mouth so that he's really cleaning in there. But let him d
o his bit it makes him feel grown up and helps him develop a good habit for life
. And make sure he uses only a pea-size drop of fluoride toothpaste; he's apt to
swallow some instead of spitting it all out, and too much fluoride is not a goo
d thing.
Using the toilet: Most children are toilet trained by about age 3, though some a
ren't ready until age 4. As a toddler your child probably used a potty rather th
an a toilet. Now he needs to get comfortable using the toilet both at home and e
lsewhere. Little boys typically sit down to urinate in the early stages of toile
t training, but as preschoolers they'll want to copy their dads, older brothers,
and friends, who stand up to urinate. Also at this age, your child may develop
the ability to stay dry at night if he hasn't done so already.
Preparing breakfast: Children as young as 3 may be able to get their own cereal
for breakfast, especially if they're hungry. The more he practices, the better h
e'll get. If your child wants to get his own breakfast, make it easy for him by
leaving kid-size containers of cereal and milk on the counter and in the fridge
in spots he can reach. Then brace yourself for some spills they're worth it in t
he long run.
Helping out around the house: Children this age can help by picking up their toy
s (though they'd usually rather not), and 4-year-olds can begin making their bed
s. They can also lend you and your partner a hand with simple tasks in the kitch
en and around the yard. Many preschoolers, for instance, love to help stir the m
uffin mix or water the garden. Instead of allowing yourself to get into a power
struggle with your preschooler, encourage him to help rather than insisting. You
can accomplish a lot through long-term encouragement.
What you can do
Encouragement is key. When your preschooler tries his hand at a new skill, tell

him you're proud he tried (regardless of the result) and urge him to try again.
Don't always jump in to help; it's essential that he have enough time to master
tasks on his own, at his own pace. Try not to pressure him before he's ready, ei
ther. And be flexible: If allowing him to prepare his own breakfast means you'll
have to sweep cereal off the floor, go with the flow. If he's years away from p
erfecting hospital corners on his bed, don't sweat it. Just buy fitted sheets an
d a comforter so bed making is a cinch.
Keep a watchful eye on your child as he begins to experiment with doing things h
e hasn't tried before, and explain why he can't do everything for himself. Tell
him, for example, why it's not safe for him to turn on the oven or cut his own b
read with the bread knife. He may not be happy about it, but he'll understand.
What to watch out for
Children develop skills differently, some more quickly than others, but if your
child actively resists attempting any of the tasks above or shows no interest in
learning them, talk to his pediatrician.
What's ahead
As the years roll by, your child will get better and better at taking care of hi
mself. He'll be able to tie his shoes and take a shower or bath on his own, and
then it's simply a matter of time before he can do laundry and cook dinner, not
to mention drive himself to soccer practice.

Developmental milestone: Separation and independence

by Sarah Henry
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
http://www.babycenter.com/0_developmental-milestone-separation-and-independence_
65555.bc?showAll=true
Separation and independence: What to expect when
Most kids conquer separation anxiety by their third birthday. But don't be surpr
ised if, once your child's cleared this hurdle, temporary episodes of separation
anxiety continue to recur from time to time.
What you'll see
Children this age can still flip-flop between wanting
ing to run back to the comfort and security of Mom or
your child cope with separation now will make future
especially true if your child has a shy, anxious, or
e may be more sensitive to separations.

to be independent and need

Dad's arms. Still, helping
separations easier. That's
timid temperament, since h

Your child will also be less dependent on you by around age 3. That's a positive
sign that he's more secure and his sense of identity is stronger. For instance,
he'll happily play with other children, instead of just side by side. And, of c
ourse, most kids this age walk, talk, feed themselves, and use the potty or toil
et with little or no help from you or your partner. By age 4 or so, your child c
an dress himself, brush his teeth with supervision, and pour his own cereal. But
don't panic; despite this emerging independence, there's a long way before your
child packs his bags for college.
What you can do
It's simple: Encourage your child's growing independence. "The challenge of pare
nting lies in finding the balance between nurturing, protecting, and guiding you
r child, and allowing him to explore, experiment, and become an independent, uni

que person," says California family therapist Jane Nelsen, author of the Positiv
e Discipline book series. So let your child safely try something new, such as tr
ying a different food, handling a conflict with his best friend, or riding a bik
e, and resist the urge to intervene. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster
dependence and diminish your child's confidence.
You'll also want to balance between offering your child developmentally appropri
ate challenges, which may still involve some frustration on his part, and having
him stretch to tackle developmentally inappropriate tasks, which can squelch in
dependence. In other words, let him tough it out a bit to undo his buttons, for
instance, but don't set him up to fail by expecting him to cut his sandwich in f
our triangles. Watch for his cues. Following are some smart strategies to try:
At home If your child has bouts of separation anxiety at home, your best bet is
to figure out what he's afraid of going to bed alone, for instance and then addr
ess those fears with sympathy but not too much fuss, which can create the impres
sion that his anxiety is warranted. To beat the bedtime blues, reassure your chi
ld that he's safe in an upbeat but matter-of-fact fashion. Say, "You've had some
thing to drink and you've been to the toilet. So there's no need to get up again
. It's time to lie down and go to sleep. Mommy will be in the next room."
When you need to head out for errands without your child or maybe even for a dat
e with your partner, don't sneak out or lie about where you're headed. Prepare y
our child in advance, and then keep your goodbye ritual predictable, says Kristi
Alexander, a pediatric psychologist at United States International University i
n San Diego. Try, "Christine is coming to play with you tonight while Mama and D
addy go to the movies. We'll come home after you've gone to sleep, but we'll com
e in and kiss you goodnight." And don't worry: You're not a bad parent if your c
hild has difficulty separating from you. In fact, it's often a sign that you've
established a strong bond with your child.
At preschool A child who has a tough time separating, or one who isn't used to b
eing apart from you or your partner, can benefit from a gradual transition to a
new childcare or preschool situation. Plan to stay awhile for the first few morn
ings of preschool so he can get comfortable in this unfamiliar setting before sa
ying your goodbyes. You may need to ease into this new routine by leaving him fo
r only a couple of hours at first and then gradually working up to a half-day or
full-day schedule.
Around others Acknowledge the importance of your child's increasingly independen
t relationships. For instance, suggest that your child invite his preschool pals
home. It's important to a child's self-esteem to be able to show off his home,
family, and toys. This doesn't mean your house has to be luxurious or filled wit
h expensive playthings; warm and welcoming is what's needed here.
A child's sense of independence is also nourished when you treat him with respec
t. For instance, his body is his own, so don't insist that he kiss or hug relati
ves or family friends if he doesn't want to. Instead, let him set his own pace f
or public displays of affection. If Grandma feels slighted, simply explain to he
r that you don't want to force your child to show his affection when he doesn't
want to he'll probably find other ways to let her know he's happy to see her.
What to watch out for
If your child routinely clings, cries, or otherwise displays a major protest whe
n you or your partner leaves him, talk to his pediatrician. It may simply mean t
hat he has a tendency to such behavior because of his temperament, which he'll p
robably overcome by around age 6. Or he may be stressed about a change, such as
going to preschool, moving to a new house, or the unexpected absence of a parent
. A persistent problem with separating that lasts four weeks or more and negativ
ely affects the quality of your child's life, for instance skipping playdates to

avoid anxiety, should be discussed with his doctor, Alexander says.

Don't despair if your 4-year-old child starts being rude when you ask him to do
something he doesn't want to do. Difficult as this behavior may be to tolerate,
it's actually a sign that he's learning to challenge authority and test the limi
ts of his independence. Simply tell him in a calm but firm manner that such beha
vior is unacceptable and then move on. Making a big fuss over backtalk can backf
ire: You may actually prolong this sassy patter instead of putting a stop to it.
What's ahead
The road to adulthood is riddled with separations: the first day of school, the
first time at a sleepover, and even the first year of college. Just around the c
orner for your soon-to-be 5-year-old is, of course, the challenge of starting ki
ndergarten. At this age, your child can probably quite comfortably separate from
you and your partner. And he'll become more and more independent as people outs
ide his immediate family, such as peers and teachers, play a larger role in his
life. But you're not done yet: Your child will always need your guidance, encour
agement, and love.
Developmental milestone: Talking
by Sarah Henry
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
http://www.babycenter.com/0_developmental-milestone-talking_65547.bc?showAll=tru
e
Talking: What to expect when
By age 3, your child should have a vocabulary of around 300 to 500 words. And by
age 4, he may know a whopping 1,500 words or more, though the vocabulary that p
reschoolers use varies widely. He'll also be able to speak in sentences of six t
o eight words and mimic most adult sounds. A preschooler's speech should be clea
r enough that strangers can make sense of most of what he says, though he may st
ill mispronounce many words. At this age, he should be able to understand a twoor three-part directive, such as "Pick up the paper, fold it in half, and then
bring it to me."
What you'll hear
Does it seem as if your child is speaking nonstop? This chatty stage is crucial
to his learning new words and getting comfortable using and thinking with them.
A good grasp of language allows your child to express his feelings, needs, and d
esires, and the more sophisticated his speech and comprehension of words, the mo
re tools he'll have at his disposal for thinking, telling stories, and talking w
ith you, his siblings, peers, and other adults. Some things to listen for:
Pronunciation: At age 3, your child may still struggle with certain consonant so
unds, such as using a w sound for r, saying "wabbit" instead of "rabbit," or d f
or th, saying "dis," "dat," "den," for "this," "that," and "then." Don't worry;
certain consonant sounds are tough for a preschooler to pronounce. For instance,
producing a t sound instead of a k, such as "tate" for "cake," is a common subs
titution, and nothing to be concerned about unless he's doing it past age 5. Con
sonant sounds such as k and g are also hard for preschoolers because they're pro
duced at the back of the mouth and your child can't actually see how to make the
sound.
Lisping: Your child may also lisp or pronounce the s sound like a th. "My sister
is seven" becomes "My thithter ith theven." If your child's s sounds this way,
chances are you needn't be alarmed. Many children lisp, and most outgrow it with
no intervention by age 7.

Flow: It's perfectly normal for children around age 3 to speak in choppy, labore
d language. But somewhere between 3 and 4 your child's thoughts should start to
flow more in complete sentences with far less effort than he needed when he just
turned 3. Most of the time, your child shouldn't have to stop and think about w
hat to say or how to say it. He should be able to begin to tell you simple stori
es.
Stuttering: While it can cause parents concern, stuttering at this age is a norm
al developmental phase that many children go through. Your child is in the midst
of a great leap in his language skills, so it's natural that he may have some d
ifficulty putting his sentences together fluently. (Before every leap forward, t
here is typically a period of disintegration, followed by integration of the new
skills.) His rapidly developing brain is trying to pull up the right words in t
he right order. In the process, he may repeat the whole word or first syllable (
not just the first sound); this is what most people think of when they think of
stuttering. You may notice your child stutters more when he's tired, excited, or
upset. Most kids outgrow it without any intervention by age 5 or 6.
What you can do
Reading to your child is a great way to boost his language skills. Books help a
child add words to his vocabulary, make sense of grammar, and link meanings to p
ictures, says Desmond Kelly, a developmental-behavioral pediatrician who works w
ith children with learning and language difficulties at the All Kinds of Minds I
nstitute in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Likewise, simply talking with your chil
d helps. Many parents find mealtimes and bedtime are a great opportunity to touc
h base. These may be the only pauses in a busy day when you have a chance to cha
t with and really listen to your kids.
When your preschooler doesn't know the word for something, he'll probably ask, "
What's this?" That's your cue for helping him expand his vocabulary, including a
dding on words that he may not have asked for. For instance, if he points to the
garden and says, "pretty flowers," you could describe them to him: "It's the pi
nk and white roses that smell so nice." You can also help him find words to desc
ribe objects and ideas he can't see. For instance, if he's trying to tell you ab
out a nightmare involving a witch, ask him whether the witch is wicked or kind.
Then have him describe what she wears, what she does, and whether she's good at
riding a broomstick. This word game can serve two purposes: Your child can expre
ss his feelings and fears as well as increase his vocabulary.
Your preschooler may still get stumped by pronouns, such as "I," "me," and "mine
." While the words are easy to say, the ideas behind them can be hard for a youn
gster to grasp. So resist the urge to correct your child's speech when he misuse
s a pronoun. Instead, model the correct use of these tricky words in your own sp
eech. For instance, say: "I would like your help" instead of "Mama would like yo
ur help."
What to watch out for
If your child doesn't talk, says few words, and doesn't seem interested in commu
nicating or expressing his feelings, seek help. A child who pauses frequently, c
onstantly struggles to get words out, or simply gives up and says "never mind" a
lot is also letting you know something is wrong. A preschooler who drools when
he mispronounces words may have a physical component to his speech difficulties
and may need professional help. And a child who has a history of ear infections
along with pronunciation problems may have some hearing loss. In each of these c
ases, talk with his pediatrician, and, if he's in preschool, with his teacher. H
is preschool may refer you to an early speech and language intervention program
(usually coordinated through the county or public school system) that will provi
de a free speech and language screening. Or his doctor can refer you to a privat
e speech-language pathologist for an evaluation.

What's Ahead
Children in kindergarten speak in smooth sentences, and words pop out easily wit
h no apparent effort. At this age your child should also be able to comfortably
tell you what happened, describe people, and ask questions clearly. He'll make u
p stories, explain what you do with common objects, and recount events that took
place in the past with accurate detail. At school, he'll start to figure out th
e finer points of grammar, punctuation, and word usage.
Top ten surprises of new parenthood
http://www.babycenter.com/0_top-ten-surprises-of-new-parenthood_3656981.bc?showA
ll=true
No matter how much you prepare for it, parenting will blow your mind.
Your kids will challenge you, bring you to tears, crack you up, and make you for
get what you urgently had to do. They'll shatter the life you knew into a millio
n pieces. Then they'll put it back together, like a stained-glass window, into s
omething infinitely more complicated and beautiful.
While every parent's biggest surprises are different, there are common themes to
the ways that kids revolutionize our lives. Read on for the top ten surprises o
f new parenthood according to interviews with BabyCenter moms and dads. Then tel
l us your biggest new-parent surprise!
Surprise #1: Your relationship with your partner will change
"Before kids, we were inseparable. We talked all the time, went everywhere toget
her. My friends said we acted like high school sweethearts," says new mom Kimber
ly Taylor of her relationship with her husband.
Since their baby arrived, however, the couple has been constantly at odds.
"We hardly speak to each other. We're stressed out over money and bills. We figh
t a lot," Taylor says.
Even if you've both dreamed of becoming parents, life with a little one can put
an enormous strain on the bond with your spouse or partner. In fact, relationshi
p satisfaction drops for many couples during the first year of parenthood, says
psychologist and couples counselor Sam Jinich.
"Conflict dramatically increases, emotional and physical intimacy deteriorates.
Both partners are often left feeling unappreciated, neglected, lonely, misunders
tood, tired, and isolated," says Jinich.
Amy Baliva was shocked by how having a baby brought ugly, unresolved issues in h
er marriage bubbling to the surface.
"Apparently my husband was feeling suffocated prior to the baby being born, and
once we had our baby, it just got worse," Baliva says.
The good news is that the love you felt can return, even if it feels hopeless no
w. The key is taking time to communicate and reconnect and being honest about ho
w you're feeling.
"Talk to your partner about the fact that you're unhappy," Jinich says. "Ask you
r social network friends and family for support, and consider professional help.
"

While this may seem impossible at first who has time to reconnect, much less go
to couples counseling, while parenting a newborn or infant? the demands of baby
care do lessen over time, giving you the opportunity to rebuild a battered partn
ership.
In fact, many parents we asked said that after that first exhausting and stressf
ul stretch with a baby, their relationship rebounded and grew stronger than ever
before.
Some said they love their spouse or partner much more after watching him or her
grow into parenthood. In a BabyCenter poll of more than 42,000 moms, 73 percent
rate their mates as either "the best" or "pretty darn great" at being a dad and
the majority say they're most surprised by how well their partner has taken to t
he role.
"My husband is the most amazing father," says Nancy Martineau. "When he walks in
to the room, our son's face just lights up. It's a wonderful thing to witness th
e love between these two very special people in my life."
Surprise #2: You'll have no idea where the time goes
Those days of sleeping in or getting out the door in five minutes are a thing of
the past. You will vaguely remember taking long, leisurely showers. You'll thin
k you've left plenty of time to feed your baby and get him to the doctor's for h
is check-up and you'll be late anyway. Where does the morning go?
"Everyone said I'd be amazed at the time I'd have," says Marcia Thompson, a new
stay-at-home mom. "They were wrong. I'm lucky if I get out of my pj's in the mor
ning."
Many of us imagined that we'd be buzzing around with our new baby, visiting frie
nds and taking long strolls through the park. We'd scrapbook and finally organiz
e our closets. But in the early days, getting the hang of baby care and handling
nonstop naps and feedings is all that most parents can manage.
"I thought that being a stay-at-home mom was going to be a piece of cake," says
Jeanette VerCammen. "I honestly thought I would have more time to visit friends
and family. I expected that I'd have time to actually do housework."
Not exactly! "My whole day is consumed by my son. Sometimes I feel like I'd get
more done if I had a normal 8-to-5 job," VerCammen says.
As you start to get the hang of life with your child, the chaos may calm. And ma
ny parents rise to the time-crunch challenge by establishing an effective schedu
le.
"I was a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of girl. Now I have a plan of attack
every day, from the time I wake up, to the chores I need to do, to the appointm
ents to schedule," says Janis Reeves, mom to a 7-year-old son and a baby daughte
r.
Valerie Newcomb uses a similar strategy. She and her husband map out every detai
l of their days, making sure they get up early enough to feed their baby and dro
p him off at daycare before work. Every weekend outing is planned around feeding
and napping schedules.
Some parents told us that lack of time actually helped them organize and structu
re their lives. Ashlee McGee says she used to be a couch potato who hated gettin
g up early. Since having her daughter and gaining custody of her 4-year-old neph
ew, however, McGee is on the go "from 6:30 a.m. to 11 p.m."

And she wouldn't change it. "I love the way my children bring routine to the day
s," McGee says. "They've filled the spaces between the rocks in my life, making
it smoother."
Surprise #3: You may look different
The physical changes of parenthood catch many of us off guard. And we're not jus
t talking about moms here.
True, moms experience the brunt of changes like wider hips, stretched-out tummie
s, burgeoning then deflating breasts, and even bigger feet. But dads go through
physical changes too usually because of sympathy weight gain during their partne
r's pregnancy and lack of exercise time once the baby is born.
Still, it's moms who usually see the biggest changes to their bodies and body im
age as 7,000 moms told us in a BabyCenter survey.
Some things aren't permanent those tired eyes will brighten up again, the hair l
oss will stop, and your belly will keep shrinking. Other changes are more long l
asting, however.
"My body will never be the same after having my son," says Kimberly Taylor. "I h
ad wide hips to begin with, but I could fit into a size 10. Now I can't lose the
additional 20 pounds I gained, and I can't get a size 10 above my thighs."
And yet, many moms told us that looking different doesn't matter all that much t
o them. Many say they're proud of their post-baby bellies and other "battle scar
s."
"With all the ways my body has gotten bigger, my son is worth every inch of it!"
says Taylor.
And there are also nice things that happen to our looks after childbearing, like
more pronounced curves and other phenomena.
"I used to have two different sized breasts, very noticeably so," says Brownyn C
arsell. "After I had a baby, they evened out almost perfectly!"
Surprise #4: You'll join an exclusive worldwide club
Suddenly strangers smile at you, and moms start conversations in the checkout li
ne. Your boss kindly asks how the daycare search went, and your neighbor comes o
ver for playdates. With your babe in your arms, or in the stroller, you've earne
d a lifetime membership in this exclusive-yet-universal club called "parents."
Many new parents enjoy this sense of belonging and security, as well as the auto
matic camaraderie with folks they meet.
"Everywhere we go, we're stopped by all kinds of people asking about my baby and
talking to him," says Kimberly Taylor.
Janis Reeves loves the special status she feels when she describes herself as "m
om of two" instead of plain old "adult."
On the other hand, Rachel Groner doesn't always feel comfortable as a newly indu
cted member of the parenting club.
"Having a child makes it automatically okay for every parent to talk to you, coo
at and touch your child, and give you advice or commiserate," Groner says. "It'
s annoying. I'm a reserved person and certainly don't want every Tom, Dick, and
Harry touching my child or worse, undoing her buckles and picking her up without
permission!"

Surprise #5: You'll be stronger than you ever imagined

"I've been shocked by what I'm capable of," says Alison Gluski, the mom of twin
girls. "I never knew I could function and run around all day chasing two childre
n on three hours of sleep and a granola bar."
New mom Rachel Segobia says that she's still amazed by how she made it through l
abor and delivery.
Other parents we spoke
n. Or that they handle
they can deal with all
overflowing toilets to

to say they can't believe how little sleep they survive o

raising kids alone, without help from a partner. Or that
the big and small challenges that parenting brings, from
sickness and loss.

"I'm surprised at how strong I've become as a person because I've had to be a si
ngle mom while her dad is on deployment," says Rosie Rodger, who has a 1-year-ol
d daughter.
Surprise #6: You'll make "mistakes" you never anticipated
"I always swore I wouldn't let my child sleep with me and then I had a baby. We
co-slept until he was 10 months old because it was the only way I could get any
rest," says Kimberly Taylor.
"I thought I'd never let my son have a pacifier past a certain age. At 3 years o
ld, he still needed it to go to sleep and all the other tricks never worked," sa
ys Doe Viscusi, the mother of three boys.
We may go into parenthood determined to follow certain tenets. Then we meet our
kids and discover they're little people with their own ideas and preferences. In
other words, "mistakes" can be what happens when you find that what works for y
ou and your child isn't what you had imagined.
Raising kids isn't like taking a dog-training class, where you have to follow ev
ery rule in the book to ensure obedience. Sometimes it's best to take the path o
f least resistance as Viscusi discovered when trying to wean her preschooler off
his pacifier. None of her attempts worked. Then the family spent a long weekend
at Disney World, where her son was so distracted and excited that he forgot to
ask for his binkie. Problem solved.
Of course, new parents also make real mistakes like forgetting to buckle up a ca
r seat or accidentally letting a baby roll off a high surface. When this happens
, thank your lucky stars that it wasn't worse and comfort yourself in the knowle
dge that you'll be extra careful next time.
Surprise #7: Your friendships will change
"Friends? Who are they? All of my friends are still in their party phase," says
Jill Furlong, mom to a 1-year-old. "They call me and ask me to go out clubbing.
I laugh and remind them that I don't do that anymore."
Many BabyCenter moms told us they're surprised by how their non-mom friends have
drifted away. It can be hard for girlfriends who aren't going through the same
thing to relate to constant talk of pregnancy or babies, or to understand how li
ttle time and energy is left for them.
"Three weeks into my pregnancy, my best girlfriend and I started drifting," says
Alaina Shearer. "She was the first. The rest slowly drifted out of my life as I
became completely wrapped up in pregnancy and my forthcoming mommyhood," Sheare
r says.
But good friendships can make it through life changes sometimes it just takes wo

rk and time. Some of Shearer's old friends have resurfaced now that her son is o
lder and she's more able to maintain contact. Plus, she's formed new friendships
with other moms.
If you're facing this issue, check out our mom tips and expert advice on keeping
up friendships when you're a new parent.
Surprise #8: There'll be times when you hate parenting
Being a parent isn't all Hallmark moments and instant bonding.
"I love my son more than anything, but he's so fussy all the time," says new mom
Maggie Craven. "It's really hard listening to him cry."
In fact, many new moms told us they've been taken aback by how tedious and isola
ting parenting can be. You said that the never-ending diaper changes and attempt
s to get your baby to nap wore on you. And then you felt guilty for not enjoying
every minute of it. Some said you welcomed the end of maternity leave because y
ou felt like you did a much better job in the 9-to-5 world than at home with you
r newborn all day.
It's normal to have moments when you wonder whether you're really cut out for th
is parenting gig. In fact, a whopping 79 percent of moms in a BabyCenter poll sa
y they sometimes worry that they're not cut out to be a mom. And 49 percent say
there are times when they dislike their child.
The key is to accept our bad moments and move on, says Momformation blogger Bets
y Shaw. Though the "perfect mom" who loves every minute with her kids may exist
out there somewhere, most of us aren't her. "It doesn't mean we can't work with
what we have to do the best we can," says Shaw.
Surprise #9: You'll be overwhelmed by love (and other emotions)
"I never thought being a mom would be this emotional," says Cristy Kennerknecht.
"I catch myself looking at my daughter, and there I am tearing up again!"
It's an old stereotype the parent who can't watch a commercial about calling lov
ed ones long-distance without tearing up, much less a movie about a missing or h
urt child.
Whether it's due to hormones, gratitude, awe, sleep deprivation, or all of the a
bove, parenthood often gives our feelings new depth. In a BabyCenter poll, 79 pe
rcent of moms say they cry more now either because of happiness or sadness.
"I'm holding my son, having some quiet time before a nap, and I realize that I'm
the whole world to this little person," says Monique Macaranas, describing a te
ary moment. "I never knew the meaning of unconditional love until I had my son."
Surprise #10: You'll have to let go sooner than you think
With every milestone your child reaches, he or she is moving away from being dep
endent on you.
This may hit when you first see your baby crawling across the room, your toddler
dashing around the corner, your preschooler resisting your hugs, or your big ki
d saying "I can do it myself." And while you're proud of your child's accomplish
ments, you may feel a twinge of sadness.
Letting go isn't always easy, but it's essential, says psychologist and mom Leah
Klungness.

"Parents who constantly hover and give their children the message that they can'
t do things on their own deprive them of the precious gift of independence," Klu
ngness says.
Fostering independence in your baby, toddler, 2-year-old, 3- to 4-year-old, kind
ergartner, or big kid can be tricky.
"There's no guide but your own common sense," says Marcia Parks, the mother of g
rown children. "It's so tempting to keep them close and dependent, but that's re
ally to fulfill our own needs. To release that arrow and see it fly is the ultim
ate act of love."