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1

Easy Etiquette for Preteens: Minding Your Manners

Your parents probably often remind you to say "Please," "Excuse me," and
"Thank you," but did you know that there are lots of other social rules that
you should be aware of? Here are some of them to help you out. By far,
the most important thing to guide your manners is the "Golden rule": Treat
others as you would want to be treated.
By minding your manners, your friends and other kids will look up to you,
and adults will be impressed with your maturity.

Content page
S/No

Topic

Page
1. Why do manners matter
2. Telephone Etiquette
3. Cell Phone Etiquette
4. Etiquette in Public
5. Etiquette on the Computer
6. Etiquette at the Table
7. Etiquette When Playing Sports
8. Etiquette for Thank You Notes & Invitations
9. Etiquette at Other People's Houses
10.

Etiquette for Greetings or Introductions

11.

Etiquette in Other Parts of the World

School Etiquette

School Etiquette is how you should behave, act and respond

in school.
Some pointers
1. They must co-operate with and show respect for their
teachers, all adults and the other children
2. Good discipline is a prerequisite of kids to enable
school teachers to be able to teach a group of
children the skills they will rely on for the rest of their
lives.
Why is School Etiquette important?
If School Etiquette is not spelt out for all of you, how would you know what are
the rules and regulations you must follow and what are the expectations of
teacher (who call these rules and regulations boundaries) are?
To help all of you, we have provided some simple guidelines for you to follow

It would help the education system immensely if children (including older

students) arrived at school well disciplined, well mannered, obedient and
respectful of adults.
Without discipline and respect, teachers would have an unruly bunch of juveniles
following their own agenda and there would be chaos.
Teach them the three R's before they get to school:
Respect for self;
Respect for others and to accept
Responsibility for all their actions.

Why is mindfulness so important?

(1) Childrens lack of respect for adults shocks the older generation who were
brought up under a much stricter regime.
(2) They fear that standards of behaviour in today's generation have slipped
below acceptable limits.
(3) Examples of this are clearly seen everyday on TV, the streets, public
transport and wherever young people gather in numbers.
(4) A lot of this behaviour is learnt from watching adults behaviour on TV and
further reinforced by the behaviour of their own parents. The kids are
simply emulating this deplorable adult conduct.
We therefore urge parents to please take charge and be better role models for
your kids to learn from.
So how can parents help?
We suggest that Parents establish at least the following two rules:
1. Their children must always be home before dark
2. Their children must do their best to stay in school for as long as possible.
To reinforce your good example and values you would do well to:
1. Have them join the Cub Scouts, Scouts or Girl Guides or other activities
organised by the CDAC at an early age and continuously until they are old
enough for the next step
2. Have them join the NPCC, NCC, St Johns Ambulance Cadets as soon as they
are old enough to do so, until they leave high school.
3. These activities will help the children emerge the better for it with greater
confidence, sense of responsibility and be well disciplined.
The psychology of child behaviour is beyond the scope of any one session of
attendance and hence you children must set your own high standards of
manners and etiquette in schools and in all the many situations you will find
yourselves in.
While different sets of rules apply in various school settings they all boil down to
the basics of respecting the rights of each other; not doing only what they
selfishly want to do, but doing what is expected of them and doing it with a good
will.
The following suggestions of school etiquette are not exhaustive and we are sure
you will have added onto them after todays session.

You are here to learn. This is your right and the right of the
other kids.
Teachers need your co-operation to help you and the other
kids to learn well for your benefit.
You do not have the right to deprive the
other kids of their rights
Be on time
Dont give cheek
Don't tell lies - to anyone
Dont answer back
Dont be noisy or disrupt the
class
Co-operate with the other kids
Do immediately what the teacher asks
you to do
Pay attention to the teacher
Dont talk while the teacher is talking
Dont snatch anything from anyone
Dont fight, pull, push or shove anyone.
Save it for your organised activity such as
Tae Kwon Do.
Dont steal from anyone
Never bite anyone
Pick up your own litter
We
Ee
We
E
EE
E

 Walk tall and wear your uniform with pride.

You are a representative of
your school. Give a good
account of yourself
No uniform for the day? Abide
by the schools dress code
Sloppy dress impresses
nobody and is not cool at all!

Have fun by all means but not at the expense of any other
kids. Keep it safe and happy for all by not throwing hard or
sharp objects that could injure
someone, possibly for life:
Dont fight, pull, push or shove
anyone. Save it for your
organised activities such as
Karate.
Never bite anyone
Don't litter the playground
No bullying. It shows cowardice
not courage. Courage is what you have when you take on

unbeatable odds for the right reasons.

Watch for bullies and report them
Prevent bullying if you are able to
Similarly, dont gang up against anyone
Dont smoke or drink alcohol. Its gross and will slowly
(sometimes quickly) damage your body

Be competitive, play hard but play fair. Always

remember that its only an activity. To win by foul
means is a hollow victory:
Do your best
Never get into a fight
Apologise immediately if you make a mistake
Accept an apology with goodwill
Dont spit on anyone, the grounds or anywhere
Be a good loser. Someone has to lose
Show good sportsmanship. Its only a game

You will remember and talk about these days for the rest of your life. Use
them to develop your strength of character, your integrity, your
knowledge and your skills to the best of your
ability:
Be punctual
Obey the school rules
Pay attention to the teachers
Be respectful to the teachers and staff
Do immediately what you are directed to do
Do not answer back
Tell the truth - always. It takes courage to
tell the truth. Cowards tell lies out of fear
Respect everyones rights
Don't litter the school grounds
Don't mess the toilets. If you do, clean it up.

Practice being well mannered

Dont bully. Prevent bullying. Report bullying
Don't litter the class room, school grounds or anywhere
Dont graffiti or vandalise property
Report graffiti offences being committed
Report acts of vandalism being committed
Be respectful of public and private property
Dont steal from anyone

o
o

You are an ambassador of your school, especially if you are in school

uniform, your behaviour must be exemplary. Transport officials and other
passengers must not be
disturbed or offended by your
behaviour:
o Be respectful to everyone,
especially adults
o No rowdiness, pushing, fighting
or yelling
o No foul language; no swearing
o Always offer your seat to the
elderly first, then to any other
adult that is standing
o Avoid obstructing doors and
aisles. Step aside to allow
passengers to pass without
being asked to do so
Dont gang up on kids from other schools. Keep inter-school rivalry for
organised inter-school competitions
Dont graffiti or vandalise public property anywhere

When you answer the telephone or call someone, it is important to remember

the tips listed below.

10

Never call before 7 a.m. on weekdays, before 9:30 a.m. on

weekends, or after 9 p.m. any day of the week to make sure that
you don't wake someone up.

Don't call during dinner time.

When you call up a friend and someone in their family answers the
phone, introduce yourself and say: "Hi, this is [insert your name
here]. May I please speak to [insert your friend's
name____________]?" Always remember to say thank you!

If you leave a message, wait until after the beep and make sure you
leave your name, your phone number, and your reason for calling.

If you accidentally dial the wrong number, just say that you dialled
incorrectly and apologize, then hang up.

Even though it can be funny and entertaining, don't make prank

calls. They are disruptive and annoying to others.

If you answer the phone, just say, "Hello," and wait for the speaker
to introduce himself or herself.

If you answer the phone when no one else is in the house, don't tell
the caller you are home alone. Simply say the person with whom
they wish to speak cannot come to the phone.

If the caller asks to speak to someone who is not home, ask if you
can take a message or if he or she would like to be called back. If
the caller asks to be called back, make sure you ask for his or her
phone number.

Don't interrupt someone while they are talking. This goes for all
conversations, not just on the phone.

11

Sometimes, people talking on cell phones forget that they are around
other people. The same
guidelines for talking on a
regular telephone also apply
to cell phone users. Below are
some extra rules for talking
on your cell phone.

If you are going

somewhere quiet,
set the ringer
volume low or put
your phone on
silent mode.

Turn your phone off at school (only if your school allows you to
bring phones to school) (Otherwise ensure your parents/
caregivers know the number of the Schools General Office
and ensure that they call you there.

If it is not appropriate to be on your handphone but you are

expecting an important call, set the ringer on low or vibrate
and politely excuse yourself when it rings. Explain that it is an
important call, and apologize.

Never shout or speak very loudly into your phone. Not

everyone around you needs to know that you are mad at your
mom or what time you need to be picked up. Be respectful of
those around you and their personal space (what is this?).

If you are around other people when you answer your phone,
move away and take the call in private. You do not need to
involve others in the call.

If you are at home or with your family, set boundaries on

when you'll talk on the phone. If you are at the dinner table,
don't answer your cell phone.

If you have a camera phone:

Never take pictures of people without first asking for their
permission.

Don't send picture messages before asking the recipient first.

12

Never take pictures on airplanes. Even though you are not

making a call, your phone still searches for a signal and it can
interfere with electrical equipment on the plane.

13

Being "in public" means being anywhere not in your house. This includes
being at school, out with your parents, or just on the street.

If you are with a group of people, don't take up the entire

sidewalk.

If someone bumps into you or if you hit someone, say "Excuse

me" or "Sorry."

Remember that everyone is different, and no one deserves to

be made fun of, so never point or stare at people.

Never throw your trash on the ground. Use the public trash
and recycle bins.

If someone says "Have a nice day," respond with, "Thank you.

You too."

If you are on a busy street and need to stop for a moment,

step off to the side so you are not in the way of other people.

If you meet someone for the first time, shake his or her hand
and say "Nice to meet you."

When someone holds a door open for you, remember to thank

him or her. It is also polite to hold doors open for others,
especially people in wheelchairs, on crutches, or someone
with a stroller.

If you are on a bus and someone comes on who might need a

seat (for example: if they have a baby, are elderly, or are
injured), offer your seat to him or her.

Before you get into an elevator, let the people who have
arrived at their floor get off first.

14

15

When you are talking to someone in person or on the phone, they can see
the emotion on your face or hear it in your voice. When you type
something, the person reading it does not know the attitude behind the
words on the screen, so it is important to follow these e-mail/whatsapp
guidelines.

Never type in all capital letters, as the other person might

think you are shouting or being mean.

Always proofread your work to check for typos or grammar

mistakes, especially if it is an important email/ message.

If it is a formal email/email to an adult or someone important,

capitalize at the beginning of a sentence, and do not use
abbreviations.

Be respectful. Do not share other's personal information or

your own personal information. Make sure you are safe (View
the http://www.medialiteracycouncil.sg/whatsup/Pages/saferinternet-day-2015.aspx on page ).

Keep your note brief and to-the-point.

Fill in the subject section at the top of the e-mail.

If you get junk email, just delete it. It is probably not best to
forward it to others because it can be annoying and clog up
their e-mail.
16

Hand-written notes are

more personal than
emails so, if possible,
don't use e-mail for
something such as a
thank you note or an
invitation.

Pr

actice these tips whenever you are at the meal table.

17

Do not put your elbows on the table.

Help set the table. A traditional table setting has the napkin and
fork to the left of the plate, and the knife (the blade facing the
plate), the spoon, and the cup to the right of the plate.

Fancier table settings can include many different forks, knives, and
spoons for different courses. Just remember that the utensil furthest
from the plate is for the first course, and moving towards the plate
for the later courses.

Finish chewing and swallowing before you

start talking. Try not to chew with your mouth
open.

Eat with your silverware, not your hands

(unless it is finger food).

If you cannot reach something, politely ask

someone else at the table to hand it to you
don't reach for it.

Put you napkin on your lap.

Don't play with your food.

If you have to sneeze, cover your mouth with

your napkin and say, "Excuse me."

If you notice someone has something in his or her teeth, let him or
her know quietly, but do not make a big deal out of it.

If you spill something, help clean it up.

Sit tall and interact with the other people at the table.

If you are at home or a guest at someone's house, help clear the

table once the meal is finished.

Before you leave the table, make sure the meal is finished and it is
appropriate to leave.

18

Sports can bring out the competitive side of people. Manners are
important in sports to make sure that no one's feelings get hurt.

Never be more aggressive than is necessary.

If you hit someone during the game, apologize after the play
is over and ask them if they are OK.

If someone falls down, help him or her back up.

Don't be a sore loser. Think about what you could do

differently next time, and stay calm and polite. Congratulate
the other team or players, and tell them they played well.

If you do win, don't brag. It is fine to be happy that you won,

but don't celebrate in a way that hurts anyone's feelings.

Always thank your coach and the referees.

Shake hands with your opponent at the end of the game.

If the national anthem plays, stand up, take off you hat, and
turn towards the flag.

19

Every time you receive a gift, it is

important to write a thank you note
the more personal the note is, the
better.

Write a thank you note as soon as

possible after receiving a gift.

Thank the person who gave you the

gift, even if you did not particularly
like it. You don't have to lie, just thank
the person for thinking of you.

Always make the note personal. You

should start by thanking the person for
the gift, and then mention why you
like it.

Always end your note by saying,

"Thanks again."

If you are thanking everyone from your party, do not write

them all the same note. It is perfectly fine to repeat lines, but
everyone gave you a different gift and deserves a personal
note.

When you create an invitation, make sure it includes everything the

guests need to know so that they do not have to keep calling to ask about
something you left out.
It is always better to mail the invites than to e-mail them.

Always include the following information in an invitation: the

type of party (for example, a birthday or surprise party), who
the party is for, when & where the party is taking place, and to
whom & by when the invitee should RSVP. Also, include any
other information the invitee might need to know such as
directions to the party.

20

Although your family may not be strict about matters, you

never know how other families feel follow these guidelines
when you are not at home.

Take your hat off when you enter a house or building unless it
is part of your outfit and is more formal & dressed-up.

If no one else in the house is wearing shoes, take your shoes

off, especially if they are really dirty or wet.

When at a friend's house, don't leave your friend and go off on

your own.

Unless you know the family well, wait for them to offer you
something to eat or drink; don't help yourself.

After dinner, bring your plate into the kitchen.

21

o
o
o
o

o
o
o
o
o
o
o
o

If you sleep over at a friend's house and you and your friend
stay up late, keep quiet so you do not wake others in the
house. If they hear you all night, they might not invite you
back.

How to Be a Considerate Guest

Do be sure you are clear about when you are expected to arrive, and when
you are expected to leave; and dont go earlier or stay longer.
Do take a house gift; and if you are staying longer than a weekend, offer to
take your hosts out to dinner one evening.
If possible, have a means of transportation so you dont have to rely on
your host to chauffeur you around.
Ask what the attire will be for the weekend so that you will be able to
dress appropriately for all of the weekends festivities, and will not have to
borrow your hosts clothes.
Do think of activities to occupy you for at least part of the day. Dont
expect your hosts to keep you entertained from morning until nightunless
you know your hosts are expecting you to accompany them on all of the
outings.
Do try to keep your room fairly neat even if there is a maid to make it for
you.
Be sure the bathroom is kept neat as well.
Ask what the rules of the house are. What time does everyone wake up
and go to sleep?
Dont treat your hosts as your personal servants.
Offer to help out with the cooking and dishes.
Eat what your hosts are eating and be on time for meals and activities.
Be an appreciative guest.
On the day of your departure, take the sheets, blankets, and pillow cases
off the bed, fold them, and leave them neatly on top of the bed even if they
have live-in help.
Do remember to send a thank-you note to your hosts when you get home.

22

o
o
o
o
o

How to Be a Thoughtful Host

Tell your guests when you would like for them to arrive and leave.
If you are inviting friends you dont know that well, it is a good idea to ask
them if they have any special dietary needs or allergies.
Do stock your kitchen and bar with your guests favorite foods and drinks.
Check to make sure the guest areas are ready for your guests.
Try to anticipate your guests special needsif there are any. Remember,
that as a host, it is your number one responsibility to make your guests feel

comfortable in your home.

A first impression is a lasting impression. Every time you greet

adults, you should follow these rules.

Look them in the eye.

Stand up, even if it is not your first time meeting them.

Shake their hand (always put out your right hand).

Say some sort of greeting such as, "Nice to see you, [insert
person's name here (example: Ms. Smith)]."

When introducing two people to each other, say the person's

name and how you know them. When addressing someone,
call a man "Mr.," a woman who is married "Mrs.," and a
woman who is not married "Miss."

Unless an adult tells you to call him or her by just his or her
first name, address this person as Mr., Mrs., or Miss

23

This year, Safer Internet Day (SID) falls on 10th February. Started in
Europe, the whole world comes together to make the Internet a better
place. SID is all about promoting safer and more responsible use of online
technology and mobile phones, especially amongst children and young
people. The Media Literacy Council spearheaded Singapores participation
in 2013.
Since then, the Council has been advocating the core values of
Responsibility, Empathy, Integrity and Respect on the Internet.
Safer Internet Day 2015: Let's Create a Better Internet Together
Watch our campaign video here:
(the one with the young girl and the heart that gets smaller)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIS4qndqZQM

24

This year, the Council's campaign seeks to recognise good on the Internet.
We have looked around cyber space and found 50 special people and
groups who we think embody the spirit of a better internet.
These are people who are making a better Internet in their own way, be it
just posting a kind word, a constructive comment, being a voice of reason,
or by using the Internet to start a social cause. All of them are ordinary
folks but have chosen to make the online world a better place through
their own ways.
Be inspired. Check out what they have done and said at the 2015
campaign.
http://www.medialiteracycouncil.sg/campaign2015/documents/individualn
omination/index.html@voteid=40.html
Think about it. A better internet is our choice really. Its up to us
to be safe, be smart and be kind online.
Start by posting a positive message today with the hashtag
#betterinternetsg
In 2015, we are supporting two groups of students to kick start their youth
campaigns:

"Brolls over Trolls" : To encourage social media users to adopt

positive online behaviour by identifying with a new symbol,
"Broll". The broll is the anti-thesis(the direct opposite) of a troll.
Users can also nominate their friends as "Brolls" and send them
an appreciation email through their website (www.brollzone.com).

"Wired Warriors" : To encourage youths to critically evaluate

and create responsible content, as well as to be kind online,
particularly on Instagram, by providing tips through a "Wired
Warriors Survival Guide" (www.wiredwarriors.com).

Online Safety Pledge for Pre-Teens

(http://www.pamf.org/preteen/growingup/choices/safetypledge.ht
ml)

I won't give others my personal information such as

my full name, address, telephone number, or my
school name.
I won't send a photo of myself (or of my family or
friends) to someone I meet online without getting a
parent's permission first.

25

 I won't make hurtful or threatening remarks to people

I communicate with online.
I won't claim to be someone I'm not, either by
accessing some else's screen name and password or
pretending to be someone else online.
I will never give out my password. If someone
accidentally discovers my password, I'll immediately
change it.
I won't respond to any messages that are threatening
to me, my family, or my friends. If I receive such
messages, I'll contact my online service provider
immediately or ask a parent to do so.
I will only meet with someone I communicate with
online if I have parental permission and the meeting
is in a public place with my parent with me.
A parent and I will determine rules for going online,
including when and how long I can be online, as well
as sites or chat rooms I can visit.
These rules will be reviewed regularly.
My Signature
Date
Parent or
Guardian's Signature
Date
Excerpted from Too Old for This, Too Young for That! by Harriet S. Mosatche, Ph.D., and Karen
Unger, M.A. 2000. Used with permission from Free Spirit Publishing Inc., Minneapolis, MN;
1-866-703-7322; www.freespirit.com . All rights reserved.

26

Etiquette in Other Parts of the World

What is polite in your country may not be respectful in another country.
Here are some world manners of which you should be aware.

People always use silverware in Holland, sometimes even to

eat bread.

In Asia, instead of greeting people with a handshake, people

bow to each other. The person with a lower status bows lower.

In America, it is polite to look someone in the eye when they

are speaking to you but, in some other countries, it is seen as
rude to stare someone in the eye when they are speaking.

In America, it is common to whistle while you are applauding

but, in other parts of the world, this whistling is seen as rude
and similar to booing someone.

In America, nodding your head up and down means "yes" and

shaking it side to side means "no." In parts of the Middle East,
it is the other way around.

In Japan, you are supposed to use chopsticks when you eat.

Meals usually consist of several larger platters for sharing,
instead of individual meals for each person. If you have used
your chopsticks, serve yourself food using the opposite end
from which you ate.

It is considered rude to burp after your meal in Japan, but in

different parts of Asia, it is not rude to burp.

In England, people are more respectful of others in public.

They do not push their way through lines and do not make
rude comments about others. They also drive on the left side
of the road, whereas in the United States, people drive on the
right side of the road.

In many societies, we are taught to not be so friendly with

strangers. However, in Ghana, it is rude not to make contact
with strangers. For example, in Ghana, it would seem rude if
you did not greet and ask the person how they are doing.

Just remember: It takes a while to learn good manners, and no one

expects you to be perfect and remember everything you are taught.
Simply try to be on your best behavior and use good manners; you will
impress your friends, family, and strangers. They might even forget that
you are just a preteen!
27

28

Extra notes
Optional / additional
Good manners Game

http://kindness-kingdom.myshopify.com/

The Book Of Big Manners (Pdf Version)

file:///C:/Users/untitled/Downloads/The%20Book%20of%20Good
%20Manners.pdf
The Book Of Big Manners (Pdf Version)
http://www.classicly.com/download-the-book-of-good-manners-kindle
About Our Trainers
Mr R Thirumal Samy
Advanced Toastmaster (Silver), Master in
Counselling (Attending), BBA, Dip Tesol,
Advanced Cert in Instructional Skills
Grassroots volunteer since 1992 and
Counsellor with the Hindu Centre since
2005.
Mr Samy is a humourous, fun and engaging
trainer with more than 20 years of school
and corporate training experience and
trained more than 6,000 students from
more than 50 local and international
schools.
Mr Samy believes that when learners have
fun, learning is concretised and becomes
hardwired in students.
He believes that one of the cornerstones of
our multicultural society and cosmopolitan
city is the ability and need for us to be
mindful of our neighbours and their
observations.
Mr Samy (Samy Rajoo) can be most often
seen on Facebook where he has a large
following of friends who read his posts
avidly.
Testimonials
Thank you Mr Samy.. not only for coaching me in my
school work but also going beyond the classroom and
making me a better student and person
Emelia Tang, Undergrad,
NUS School of Business 2015 (Student from 2010
2013)
Thank you bro.. Ive learnt so much from you but the
most important gift youve given me is to make me
believe in myself. Always Grateful.

Mr Vela S
A multi-hypenate, Mt Vela has held
distinguished positions in the
Singapore Police Force, helms
several charitable bodies and is
currently managing several
companies and entities as a
managing director and Board of
Director.
He is passionate about training as
he believes that learning is much
more than just book learning and
that opportunities to learn, grow
and glow from others is what makes
such training sessions so
meaningful and why he enjoys such
sessions as much as he does.
Mr Vela infuses his sessions with
meaningful anecdotes, real life
stories and past experiences as a
senior Deputy Superintendant of
Police, legal counsel as well as
mentoring junior entrepreneurs.
Thanks Mr Vela for sharing your life experiences
with us. Ive come to realise the importance
and value of asset management and selfdiscipline. Your sessions have greatly
influenced my decision making processes.
Dalston Gay Gabriel

29

Tan Jun Yong

(Student from 2010 2013)
EDB Spring Scholar
NTU (Double Honours Programme)
Currently serving National Service

Entrepreneurs Club
Singapore Polytechnic (2011-2014)

I did not realise i was sabotaging myself when it

came to making decisions and that my angert
issues was crating additional problems. I
greatly benefitted from your sessions and your
techniques are a great help. Thank you, Sir.
Kenji Tan
NTU, Engineering 2016.

30

31

Good
manners

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33

Autograph page / Friends

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