ZULHIDAYA NINGSI

1. FACTORS ASSOCIATED WITH THE OCCURANCE OF PNEUMONIA IN

CHILDREN IN THE HEALTH OF BUNGA RAYA 2014
THE FACTORS THAT RELATED TO THE INCIDENCE OF PNEUMONIA ON
CHILDREN AT BUNGA RAYA SOCIAL HEALTH CENTER IN THE YEAR
OF 2014
Because You should consider the sequence of subject + predicate + object, this is
the basic of witing.
2. Pneumonia is a disease that attacks the lungs and on the mark with coughing and
difficulty breathing.
marks
Because It should be in line with the first verb after that, using present tense.
by cough and the difficulty to breathe.
Because It should in line with the first noun.
3. One of the causes of death as well as that play a role in the process of growth and
development of children namely respiratory tract infections, diseases such as
pneumonia can be prevented by immunization.
One of the factors that caused
Because in this research, you need to find the factors. Thats why I added factors
there to clarify your sentence meaning.
caused the death and affected the growing development of children
Because it should be in line between caused and affected because they are past
verbs, and the death and the growing development because they are noun.
is respiratory tract infections,
Because to be is here is a predicate or verb of your sentence.
such as pneumonia that could be prevented by immunization
Because I understand what you mean, thats why I wrote this. Im sorry. You need
to make a good sentence too in Indonesian.
4. This research was conducted at the health center Bunga Raya region with the aim to
determine the relationship of mothers education, immunization status and Asi
exclusive with occurrence of pneumonia.
The writer conducted the research
Because The research cant conduct itself.
in the area of Bunga Raya social health center
Because of wrong sequence of the name of this place.
in order to find out the relationship between the incidence of pneumonia and
mothers education, immunization status, and exclusive ASI.
Because It is easier to understand.
5. This type of research is quantitative analytic design with cross sectional approach,
with a sample of 96 respondents.
This research was an analytical quantitative research using cross sectional
approach with 96 respondents as the sample.

Because many useless words there.

6. The sampling technique is done by random sampling.
The respondents were chosen by random sampling technique.
Because wrong choice and sequence of words.
7. The research was conducted by using a sheet cheklis , and data analysis using
univariate and bivariate analysis with chi square test and OR to determine the
relationship of each of variables studied.
The writer used checklist sheet to collect the data and used univariate and
bivariate analysis using chi square and OR test to analyze the relation of each
variables.
Because it is easy to understand and has wrong mechanics of writing.
8. These result indicate that there is a relation between education and the incidence of
pneumonia with a P value = 0.003 and OR = 4.833 values and their relation to the
incidence of pneumonia immunization status premises P value = 0.007 and OR =
4.050 and the value of existing exclusive Asi relation to the incidence of pneumonia
with a P value = 0.005 and OR = 4.278 tilapia.
The result of this research indicated that there is a relationship between the
incidence of pneumonia and mothers education with the value of P = 0.003 and
OR = 4.833, immunization status with the value of P=0.007 and OR=4.050, and
exclusive ASI with the value of P=0.005 and OR 4.278.
Because it used many useless words and is hard to understand.
9. The conclusion from this research relationship mothers education, immunization
status and Asi exclusively with the incidence of pneumonia in children under five
premises p value < 0.05 .
The conclusion of this research is there was a relationship between the incidence
of pneumonia and mothers education, immunization status, and exclusive ASI on
children with the value of P<0.05.
Because it takes a long time to understand your sentence.
10. Therefore health personnel should provide information and education about the
disease pneumonia .
Therefore, the health personnel should consider to provide information and
counseling about pneumonia.
Because of using wrong mechanics of writing and it is like a necessity not
recommendation.
11. Keywords: Mother Education, Immunization Status, Asi Exclusive Pneumonia,
Toddler
Mothers Education, immunization status, exclusive ASI, pneumonia, children
Because you should use possessive noun there and you used wrong sequence of
phrase and choice of words.