Rita Watson MPHWith Love and Gratitude

Parents Teaching Gratitude and

Civility Thwarted by Trump
When a leader bullies, parents must call out the unacceptable
behavior.
Posted Jan 12, 2017

What should we expect from a president or the First Lady? People who state
differences without resorting to name-calling. Leaders who act in a manner that is both
refined and worth emulating. Those who know the meaning of gratitude even during
times of difficulty.

After viewing Barack Obamas elegant and eloquent farewell, I vowed that I would not
watch Donald Trump hold a press conference. Then I succumbed to a clip with an
exchange between Trump and a CNN reporter. Trump not only refused to take the
man's question, but said his news organization was "terrible," and then called him"fake
news." Further Trump referred to BuzzFeed News as "a failing pile of garbage,"
because he disagreed with their writing. At that January 11th moment, I knew for certain
civility was dead.

On daytime TV, adults and young people saw and heard rudeness and school yard talk
from a man who should be a role model. Mocking and belittling others creates hostility.
Whether at a press conference, in the workplace, at school, or at home such behavior
sets the stage for a "name calling" America.

Jill Suttie reviewed a book last week for the Greater Good Science Center at UC
Berekley. Titled "Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for the Workplace" by Christine Porath,
she quoted this professor at Georgetown Universitys McDonough School of Business:

Civility in American society has declined in recent years but remains important to
people, according to surveys. When employers or employees ignore people at work,
walk away from conversations, answer calls in the middle of meetings, publicly mock
and belittle people, or take credit for wins while pointing fingers when things go sour, it

destabilizes relationships and creates hostile work environments, says Porath.

GreaterGood

Writing for PsychologyToday.com in November, Professor Porah pointed out:

We have all seen this election campaign unfold: it has been divisive and chalked full of
incivility. As a researcher who has studied incivility over the last two decades, I am
incredibly concerned about the consequences for our governmentand society.

"Incivility is proven to be distracting and debilitating. It inhibits problem-solving and

collaboration, and diminishes our well being. . . And, it unfortunately has a way of
silently spreading like a virus." The Initiative

Research says gratitude can reduce antisocial behavior

As we look at a possible four more years of Trump behavior, there is just one way to
stop the rudeness virus from spreadingbecome role models for our children. Teaching
children the value of gratitude may be what saves them from becoming bullies or being
bullied themselves.

Jeffrey J. Froh, Psy.D, is associate professor at Hofstra and a researcher on the effects
of gratitude in children. He has said that children who learn gratitude are often more
compassionate and kinder to others. In talking with him he pointed out:

We think that in helping young people become more grateful, they will feel happier and
more satisfied with their lives. In addition, it may make them less likely to lash out at
others when they lose a game or feel hurt in some way.

Froh pointed out that data indicate grateful teens have more self-control and, during a
time when their identity is forming, gratitude correlates with fewer reports of antisocial
and delinquent behaviors. He suggests that one should start teaching gratitude to
children at a very young age. Some tips are included in Happy Father's Day.

Listen to Michelle

How do we explain to children the behavior of a man who should be a role model, but is
instead prone to unkind words? How do we tell them that "No, you cannot mock a
disabled person just because Trump did it." And then we must add that Trump denied
what he did even thought his actions were clearly captured on video?

If children ask, "If it's OK for him, why is it not OK for me?" we can simply say that he is
needs lessons in civility, compassion, and gratitude. Then repeat the words of Michelle
Obama over and over again: When they go low, we go high.

Copyright 2017 Rita Watson

References

E. Froh, J. J., Fan, J., Emmons, R. A., Bono, G., Huebner, E. S., & Watkins, P. (2011).
Measuring gratitude in youth: Assessing the psychometric properties of adult gratitude
scales in children and adolescents. Psychological Assessment, 23, 311-324. (