Philosophy Presentation: Anger in Accordance to Change

By: Carolina Maggio

October 25th, 2016

Hello everyone! My project will be on anger in accordance to change. What I

would like for everyone to do is sit in his or her newly assigned seat. Isnt this
frustrating? For 42 days youve sat in the same seat, knowing the approximate distance
from your hands to the keyboard, knowing whether or not there is a pole by your seat,
serving as an obstruction or in my case, a prop to lean my book bag up against. Its
frustrating to have to adapt to a new situation, against your wishes. Youve become
accustomed to an environment and I just threw a wrench in your plans, whether they were
to actively listen to my presentation, play on your phone, or sit and gossip about others. I
mean, how dare I expect you to give me your attention for 5-10 minutes. But theres my
problem, I cant expect anything of you. I cant control whether you actively listen to my
presentation, I can accept what I get and move on. Well, bad news is that youre sitting in
these seats for the remainder of my presentation; good news is that, seeing as some of
you are frustrated with me, I plan on helping you understand how to deal with this trivial
anger you feel towards my authority over yours. Lets Begin.
This is my grandmother, her name is Dorothy, but I call her Mawmaws. She lives
in North Carolina and has one daughter, my mother Jody. She was marries to my
grandfather Bobby but he just recently passed away on the 15th. The Bond I had with my
grandfather was indescribably. He adored me as I adored him- unconditionally. The last
thing he told me was something he had always said to me: Be Good. Im giving this
presentation to help you all choose to be good.
But back to my grandmother. Although I was not as close to her as I was to my
grandfather, I still have many warm memories of times I spent with her. Often times I
would sit on the couch with her, flipping through magazines, etc; we would simply enjoy
the others presence. Ive fallen into Jonathan Haidts adaptation principle. Ive gotten
used to this ritual with my grandmother that it has lost its magic, because I expect the
same thing is always going to happen. For example: Hey Mawmaws, would you like to
watch some TV? Sure honey! Grab the remote Hey Mawmaws do you mind if I
change the channel? No problem sweetheart, go ahead Hey Mawmaws, would you
like to flip through some magazines? Burn in Hell What?!?!
Okay, so that might have been a harsh example of the point Im trying to get
across. To be blunt, this august I found out that my grandmother has bipolar disorder and
narcissistic personality disorder. I found out in a pretty unfortunate way. Out of know
where my grandmother begins to yell and pitch a fit. She was having a manic episode.
Mania is when someone with bipolar disorder experiences hyper activity. For some, this
can be creative outbursts of energy, for others, like my grandmother, she gets worked up
and is unable to control her emotions, although she claims she is able to. She becomes
consumed by hysteria, denial, doubt, and blurred judgment. She can become physically
violent and verbally abusive. I dont wish to stand here and talk about all of the horrible

things my grandmother has done to my family, just in the past 3 months. I dont see a
purpose in sharing with you this negative image of her. I love her very much, I just lover
her in a new way than how I have for the last 17 years.
I admit that it can be easy to get angry with my grandmother. When my
grandmother begins to yell at my family and me or even throw things; just being in this
high-stress environment quickly provokes what Seneca describes as a mental jolt of
anger at the impression that Ive been wronged. In august and September especially, I had
so much anger in my heart. Ive never considered myself to be an angry person, or even
prone to sudden anger; but I was just angry- angry at my situation, or even more so angry
that I couldnt make my grandmother take her medicine, knowing it would solve a
significant number of problems. What is worse is that I was so insecure and ashamed of
myself for feeling this way that I told myself I was entitled to feel angry. I had gone
through some pretty terrible things, so I should be angry; Im allowed to be angry. I
mean, how come I have to give up my vacation because my grandmother is acting up?
How come I have to forfeit going on college visits because my mom had to travel back
and forth to North Carolina and my dad travels with work? Why did I have to miss my
senior homecoming to travel to North Carolina, just to be harassed by my extended
family there? Why did I have to do the laundry, wash the dishes, clean the house, while
my parents were away for a week or more at a time. Why me? *Notice a lot of these
questions were asked before beginning the happiness unit in philosophy*
There are a lot of issues surrounding the situation with my grandmother, but I am
now realizing that many of these problems begin with me. David Foster Wallace struck
me when he explained that a humans natural default was the thought that I am the
center of the universe and all the bad that happens to me to me is a personal threat to
me. It is wrong to think of oneself so highly. I can only assume the best, that my
grandmother wasnt purposely acting this was to spite me, although most times it seems
so. So I ask again: Why was I constantly sacrificing my time? I was doing it for my
family: for my parents and for my brother.
Seneca also cleared up many issues for me in his writing On Anger. Im making
the decision to act on the impression of anger. Im allowing this anger to build inside of
me until I implode upon myself, leaving nothing left but an insecure shell. Seneca said,
The person who is captive of his own anger is not powerful, or rather, cannot even be
called free? Seneca would tell me that I am making decisions in the flux, based off the
impression of being wronged. This isnt me. Im not an angry, cynical, miserable person.
As Seneca put it, anger often comes to us, but we more often go to it.
So where do I go from this point? Well, about my anger- I can realize that no
matter how good it may feel in the moment, I cant yell back or argue with my
grandmother. Vengeance is a word unfit for human beings. Shes not going to listen.
From all of the confrontations Ive had with her, yelling never solved anything; it only
made the situation exponentially worse.

I cant control whether my grandmother listens to me or not. Jonathan Haidt

describes happiness in a formula equal to the sum of your biologically determined set
point of happiness, plus your voluntary thoughts and actions, and additionally the
uncontrollable conditions in your life. I cant control my grandmother and I cant fix her
either. Haidt describes people as plants you cant a plant; you can only give it the right
conditions-then wait, it will do the rest. If I had to describe my grandmother as a plant, I
would chose a Venus Fly Trap because from a distance, my grandmother seems nonthreatening; but up close, she can be vicious, snap unexpectedly at any moment, and she
is uncontrollable.
When Haidt explains that a plant can thrive in the right conditions, there are
things I can do to help my grandmother. I can forgive her. Why hold onto the anger?
What is it doing for me- it certainly doesnt make me feel any better in the long run? I can
put myself in her shoes. One philosopher names Emile Chartier suggested that every
person has a pin in them- a hidden reason, driving them to act the way they do. This pin,
drives them to hurt others, whether they realize it or not. That goes well with asking the
question what drove that person to such a low point in their lives? rather than feeling
personally victimized. Seneca suggests that I forgive this wrongdoing. My grandmother
is mentally ill so just as I feel a lack of control over my life, she feels a lack of control
over her mind. She is now grieving the death of my grandfather, her husband of 58 years.
I can love my grandmother. Out of all the confrontations Ive had with her while
she was having an episode: the times I told her I loved her; the times I hugged her; and
the times I prayed with her or over her matter the most. They bring me the most comfort
when I find my mind drifting to the past. Ive lived 17 years of my life looking up to
my grandmother and now it feels as though Im looking down. The reemergence of my
grandmothers mental disorder has made her regress into child-like behavior. Although
you can adore both the elderly and children: one adores the elderly for their wisdom, and
one adores a child for their innocence. I can say that Ive adored my grandmother under
both circumstances. Ive loved her as a role model, a loving grandmother, and a breast
cancer survivor. I now love her for her childish lack of accountability and inability to
reconcile her actions because her brain allows her to know no better. I love her now
because of her difficulty to love, and her difficulty to be loved. Her resentful attitude
toward my mother and my family, as well as her lack of true love and friendship, push
pity on my heart. I love her because I have always loved her- why let my anger change
that? Compassion is the ultimate strength.
In conclusion, I cant be angry with my grandmother. I can mot expect her to
change. Seneca writes, The greatest obstacle to living is expectation. He also mentions
in The Shortness of Life that we are accustomed to say it was not in our power to chose
the parents we were allotted, that chance gave them to us: but we are allowed to be born
from whatever parents we wish. I am in control of what influences my life. I can learn
from my grandmothers mistakes and successes.

As I sit writing this, I feel so at peace with my life and my grandmother. Maybe
this is temporary, but I know what I can do in the future to be good. What happens if slip
into my anger again? What happens if I fall back into my dark thoughts- taking the words
my grandmother attacked me with to heart; Or even allowing the anxiety of whether or
not this hereditary illness will be passed onto me. Symptoms do appear from ages 18-23,
so what if I am Bipolar? These thoughts will come back. As Seneca wrote But those who
forget the past, ignore the present, and fear the future have a life that is very brief and
filled with anxiety They lose the day waiting for the night and the night dreading the
day. I will not allow my life to revolve around angry what ifs, but rather the
humble what is.