Philippe 1

Tiana Philippe
Ms. James
URI Writing 104
18 November 2016

Daddys Little Girl

Youre ugly. Youre fat. Youre weird. Youre retarded. Youre a hoe. Repeatedly,
Selena Dozer, a 19 year old girl living in Rhode Island has to hear the words; youre a
hoe, which means someone who engages in a lot of sexual activity. When I asked her
how she felt about people referring her to such a promiscuous word, she said, I feel sad
and worthless.All her life she has felt abandoned, which has scarred her in a way that
she tends to look for love in the wrong people. She is not the only one. There are girls
around the world that experience loneliness everyday and who have attempted to hurt
themselves. Globally, there has been an assumption that if women beg for male
attention, then they have daddy issues. However, no one seems to understand the
importance men have throughout their daughters lives. Fathers are the fundamental
aspect when it comes to the sentimental well-being of their children and are supposed to
be their life coach and adequate keepers; but without them, a hole is left that gets
replaced by the wrong things.
Growing up without her dad, Seline was raised by her single mother. When Seline
was born, her mom

dropped out of college and began working as a CNA and a

pharmacist in order to care for her children. Once her father got out of jail, he didnt
really make much an effort to be in her life. This resulted in Seline looking to her uncle
as the male figure she needed in her heart. He took me to father-daughter dances and
was there for me when I was sick., she said, My real dad never cared about that stuff or

Philippe 2
me. Her dad wasnt the only one who did not care. Even though her mother loved her,
she was not careful about the things she said to Seline. Heartbreaking words like, Thats
why your father doesnt want you, or I wish you were dead, and Youre a hoe, made
her question how she really felt about her mother. Along with the verbal abuse, her
mother was strict with her, but Seline did learn some lessons such as, Be careful what
you post on social media, and Not everyone is your friend.
School was no better. Everyday she was bullied verbally and emotionally and
although she did not like it, she never did anything about it. No one ever taught her how
to protect herself and she never had someone to teach her how to fight back with her
words and grow a thick skin.
Her cousin, Chriselly Dozier, a good friend of mine whom, has expressed to me
numerous times of how angry she gets by Selines actions. She likes to be involved with
a lot of males and she can never just spend time with family. Its always about boys and
sex. She expresses constantly how Seline is so self-centered and she does not care or
respectful herself as a person. This is not the first time that that was said about Seline.
Even guys, including some at church, have said some pretty descriptive stuff about the
sexual things she has done to them and it seems like she tends to lean towards younger
boys for attention. Even though they saw her more as a sex toy, Seline saw them as an
opportunity for love, but the guys did not want that. She kept on saying how much she
loved me when what I really wanted was a quick bang. Then she stopped giving me what
I wanted because she wanted to hear I loved her back. But I didnt, a 15 year old boy
who wanted to remain anonymous said. Constantly, she thought that if she engaged in
promiscuous things with boys, then they would love her. That wasnt realistic. Erika L.
Sanchez, a poet, novelist, essayist, and the author of the article Father-Daughter
Relationships: Daddy Issues says, Young women need men in their lives who value them

Philippe 3
as human beings. They need men who dont show any sexual interest in them. If a girl
does not have strong male role models, her only meaningful interactions with men might
be solely based on sex. She may feel that her body is all she has to give to the world. This
is a terrible foundation for her self-esteem, development, and future romantic
relationships.
Human beings are designed to experience the normal and healthy emotions
throughout their life like love, sadness, happiness, disappointments, and excitements.
Yet, this dropped her off into a major state of depression, self pity, and desperation for
relief, resulting in her cutting herself in just the 6th grade. Although school was the
primary reason why, it was also because of the abuse she received from her own mother,
who knew that she began to cut.

Some people are so hasty to escape the bad feelings

that build up inside of them like rejection and emptiness that they begin to self-mutilate
themselves. The anger they have begins to turn inwards instead of outwards, which puts
them into a vicious cycle of rage that never seems to end. People usually cut their wrists
with a razor blade, but others may cut on their stomach and thighs and then some just
cut everywhere. This is an unhealthy way of coping with their overpowered emotions
and because of the unhealthy coping, more toxic and deadly emotions can lead to
resentment, bitterness, and maybe even suicide. Its a slippery slope to mental health
issues (KidsHealth - the Web's Most Visited Site about Children's Health by The Nemours
Foundation). All of the rejection, bullying, and verbal abuse just hurt too much. She
wanted to direct the pain physically instead of mentally. Seline just wanted the voices in
her head saying, Youre ugly. Youre fat. Youre a hoe to be gone, even if it was for a
little while. In her junior year of high school, someone who she identifies as a really good
person taught her that she was a beautiful person and that she did not deserve any of the
pain. Also, her cousin Nina, who Seline sees as her role model, also knew about the

Philippe 4
cutting and often tried to comfort her and convince her that she was a good person.
Although that stopped the cutting, it didnt stop the overall pain which caused her to
starve herself in 2013. When a girl develops an eating disorder, it usually means that she
feels like because everything has gone so wrong in her life, she needs to find something
else to control. I asked her, Why did you do all this to yourself?, and all she could say
was, I was just a really depressed person. However, it is deeper than just being
depressed.
In the urban dictionary, a hoe means a skank or a promiscuous person, but
Selines definition is, Someone who doesnt have any self respect for themselves and
they need God in their life.. Notice how there is nothing about sexual activity in her
definition? When one's perception and when one's reality are misaligned, there is a risk
of living a life of delusion; that is the life she lives. Imagine a person who drinks once or
twice a day saying they are not an alcoholic. Everyone knows they are just lying to
themselves. Seline is completely deluded to the fact that she is not what everyone says
she is because that is what she calls high self-esteem. Now, Seline does not hurt herself as
much as she used to, which she is proud of, and has been attending church regularly, but
not so much for God as she claims to. Without a real fatherly figure, confusion of
emotions tend to build up in a girls life and she doesnt seem to understand what real
love from a man really is. However, there is always hope, someway, and somehow.

Citation:

Sanchez, Erika L. "Father-Daughter Relationships: Daddy Issues? - Page 3 of 6 Mamiverse." Mamiverse. N.p., 24 June 2012. Web. 19 Nov. 2016.

Philippe 5
Gross, Dr. Gail. "The Important Role of Dad." The Huffington Post.
TheHuffingtonPost.com, n.d. Web. 19 Nov. 2016.
"My Childhood." Telephone interview. 17 Nov. 2016.